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Arson Murder And Jaywalking: Theatre
  • In The Importance of Being Earnest, Jack's list of reasons for not letting his ward Cecily marry Algernon starts off with Algernon having entered his home under false pretenses and tricked Cecily into believing that he was his brother Ernest and ends with Algernon's uncalled-for consumption of the muffins he had left out on a table.
  • Crimes of the Heart: She began drinking and smoking when she was only 14, she hardly made good grades, why, she never even made her bed!
  • In the stage adaptation of Singin' in the Rain, Lina Lamont has a line that goes "I'm calling my agent! I'm calling my lawyer! I'm calling my mother!"
  • In "Whatcha Wanna Do?" from Bat Boy The Musical, Shelley and her boyfriend are singing about the various things they'll do to the title character, ending with "We're gonna chain your arm to an atomic bomb. And make you take your granmama to the senior prom."
  • At the end of Guildenstern's Long List of Hamlet's "symptoms" in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead:
    Guildenstern: "...stabbing his elders, abusing his parents, insulting his lover, and appearing hatless in public..."
  • Double Trouble the bobby arrests the Evil Twin for "Forgery, perjury, and with my very own eyes...I SAW YOU SPIT ON THE SIDEWALK!"
  • In the Jára Cimrman play Dlouhý, Široký a Krátkozraký the protagonists persuade the giant that a beautiful giantess is interested in him:
    Giant: Why doesn't she come to meet me?
    Prince: She's ashamed of you, because you eat people!
    King: And don't wash your feet!
  • In The Physicists by Friedrich Dürrenmatt, the protagonist presents a pseudo-psalm by the ghost of Solomo about space travel:
    Möbius: Even on Mars we were wolfed by the sun - Thundering, radioactive, yellow.
  • The Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch "The Philosopher's Football Match" had an excellent moment of these. As a parody of the 1972 Munich Olympic Games, it pitted the philosophers of Germany against the philosophers of Greece. At the end of the match, after Socrates scores a header, three Germans complain to the referee.
    Narrator: Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside.
  • One production of Robin Hood contained the Sheriff reading off all Robin's crimes. These started with the obvious ones, such as deceit, thieving, and injuring/killing travellers and the Sheriff's men, and went right down to "laughing at the Sheriff in his purple pants" (meaning underwear, for you Americans), a reference to earlier in the play.
  • In "Spooky Mormon Hell Dream" from The Book of Mormon, the spirits of Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Adolf Hitler and Johnny Cochran appear, and each describes their claim to infamy. Cochran is the last to mention his crime, which was getting OJ Simpson free. Elder Price then tells them that leaving his companion was "way worse" than what they did.
  • Company: In Poor Baby, as Bobby is seen making love to April, the wives are shown saying that he ought to have a woman, but not someone like the woman he's with right now. They each state their criticisms of her, saying that she's "dumb", "tacky", "vulgar", "odd", etc. Joanne's complaint? She's "tall enough to be your mother".

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