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Arson Murder And Jaywalking: Recorded and Stand-Up Comedy
  • From George Carlin:
    Carlin: I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried...but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades.
  • From Christopher Titus:
    Titus: So I took [my future wife] from the womb to Los Angeles. The city of drive-bys, riots, fires, floods, earthquakes, and producers.
    • Christopher Titus loves to use this trope and Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick. When describing how dysfunctional his family line is in Norman Rockwell is Bleeding, he names off that his family tree is full of mental illness, perscription drug abuse, and worst of all — one of his uncles was a Mormon!
  • From Bo Burnham's Catholic Rant routine/rap song
    Bo Burnham: There's so much pain beyond this steeple/Wars and drugs and homeless people/Sadness where there should be joy/hate and rape and Soulja Boy.
  • Denis Leary's routine Lock and Load has him ranting near the end about creating his own church, The Lapsed Catholic Church ("Here are the rules my friends: Thou shalt not? Fuck that! Thou fucking SHALL!"). At one point, he starts rattling off a list of people his church would forgive for their sins:
    Denis Leary: And you know what else? Ted Kennedy? FORGIVEN! Frank Gifford? FORGIVEN! Marv Albert? FORGIVEN! Al Sharpton? FORGIVEN! Richard Nixon? FORGIVEN! Bill fuckin' Buckner? FORGIVEN!
    • To a Bostonian and diehard Red Sox fan like Leary, that's less Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking and more "one step shy of forgiving Hitler."
  • Bill Hicks has one in Salvation where he talks about all the horrible things on the news these days with a Call Back to how he was in England during the Los Angeles riots and all the BBC channels were only showing snooker for some reason
    Bill Hicks: "This half-hour: War, Death, Famine, Recession, Depression, Drought, Flood, Earthquake, Riots, Quayle...and snooker highlights!"

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alternative title(s): Stand-Up Comedy
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