Arson Murder And Jaywalking / Family Guy

• In the Season 1 episode where Meg inadvertently joins a cult the same day Lois tries to have a birthday party for Stewie, the girl mixing the punch adds in cyanide, arsenic, rat poison, and a copy of Paul Reiser's book Couplehood.
• In the same episode, Peter admits he's a bad father, a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.
• Again in the same episode, during Meg's first birthday Peter states that she says her first word, takes her first steps, and performs her first drum solo.
• Peter bemoaning the sudden popularity of Joe:
  Peter: Geez, first he takes my friends, then he takes my job! [stops] But the way I wear my hat? No, he can't take that from me...
• In "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven", a newly born-again Meg joins her fellow Christians in burning "harmful" books, including The Origin of Species, A Brief History of Time, and Logic for First Graders.
• When Brian prevents 9/11 from happening, Stewie fears that Saddam Hussein could be president, Mexico could be the world's dominant superpower, or that Cookie Monster could have invented Facebook.
• According to the anti-abortion video in the episode "Partial Terms of Endearment": "Remember, not only is abortion murder, but it's also larceny, jaywalking, and securities fraud."
• In "Halloween on Spooner Street", when Brian finds Stewie shooting at trick-or-treaters from his window mistaking them for monsters, Stewie claims that they're under attack from zombies, vampires, and a Mexican princess.
• Sort of a variation, when three tough guys muscle the gang out of their booth at the bar, Peter eventually stands up to them by making a speech about how much that booth means to him, including cutaways to his reaction for certain historic events:
  "I was in this booth when the Challenger exploded!"
  Cutaway: "Oh my god, no!"
  "I was in this booth on 9/11!"
  Cutaway: "Oh my god, no!"
  "I was in this booth when Obama was elected!"
  Cutaway: "Oh my god, no!"
• In "Something, Something, Something Dark Side", Han (Peter) admits to Darth Vader (Stewie) that Luke (Chris) is on Dagobah, the rebels have a base on Kashyyyk, and he clogged the toilet on the 16th floor. Vader is incensed by the last one because he was forced to use the ugnaught restroom.
• There was the classic episode where The Pope paid a visit. His motorcade drives past the chain gang from Cool Hand Luke.
  "Wiping it off here, boss."
  "Wipe it off there, Luke."
  "Taking it off here, boss."
  "Take it off there, Luke."
  "Waving at The Pope here, boss."
  "Wave at The Pope there, Luke."

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