The Griffin Family
- Lois and Stewie's epic fight in "Lois Kills Stewie." Love her or hate her, you gotta give props to Lois for putting up a fight against Stewie.
- Peter then taking out Stewie when Lois couldn't bring herself to do so was one of these, even if his Lethal Weapons quote didn't fit.
- Subverted when it's revealed that it's a simulation.
- In "Trading Places", Chris and Meg say they could be better parents than Peter and Lois, who gladly oblige. The kids are 100% correct: Peter and Lois screw up in school and get bullied, Chris does so well at work that he gets promoted and hired to replace Peter for real, and Meg prepares a delicious dinner and manages the house better than Lois, complete with a miniature Reason You Suck Speech when she points out that it takes Lois so long to clean house because she's lazy and whiny.
Meg: I don't understand why you're such a freaking martyr. It's a house. It's a finite area. I'm not cleaning a town.
- But then this is Subverted with Chris as he succumbs to adult pressures; he was good in the beginning but he ended up having a heart attack (or at least the symptoms of one) from all the stress. Though this was more due to his boss constantly adding more work for him to do.
- In "Meg and Quagmire" when Peter and Lois finally show that they actually care about Meg (like they did in seasons 1-4) by going Papa Wolf and Mama Bear on Quagmire for trying to have sex with her.
Peter: Meg, get in the car, we're going home.
Meg: I'm not going home! I'm 18, and you can't tell me what to do anymore!
Peter: Meg, I'm only going to say this once. You may be an adult, but you're still my daughter, and it's my job to protect you from errant wieners. So, I don't care how old you are, you're going to do what I say and get in the damn car!
Meg: ... Yes, Daddy.
- Followed by Lois threatening to cut off Quagmire's penis and feed it to Brian if he ever tries anything with Meg again.
- Most of what Stewie and Brian do in "Leggo My Meg-O" to try and find Meg.
- In "I Dream of Jesus", Brian and Stewie steal Peter's Surfin' Bird record and then destroy it Office Space style.
- In "Into Fat Air", the Griffin family gets one when they climb freaking Mount Everest!
- Brian and Stewie destroying Superstore USA WITH A TANK!!! As Peter said...
Peter: Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank.
- Stewie and Chris get revenge on Brian in Herpe, the Love Sore when he did a blood oath with both of them even though he knew he had herpes and gave it to them, first by ruining one of his dates and then by hacking his Facebook account. At first this would seem like harassment or another Author Tract using Brian as the mouthpiece, but Stewie admits the reason he was so pissed at Brian wasn't just because of the herpes, but because Brian betrayed his trust by lying to him.
- Meg and Peter finally bonding in "Meg Stinks!" because it's refreshing to see the writers not use any "Everyone hates Meg" jokes for once.
- The way each character has moments of deflating each others annoying pretenions and delusions, which is VERY satisfying for those viewers who get annoyed with them.
- "Well, as long as I'm getting fired. You know what really grinds my gears? You America. Fuck you! Diane?"
- Peter single handedly restoring a balanced government in Quahog on the episode "Tea Peter", although he destroyed it in the first place.
- "Quagmire? Fire up the bi-plane. My son needs my help." This is PETER saying this! And then awesomeness ensues.
- Peter's own revenge on Connie in "Peter's Daughter".
- Peter beating up Justin Bieber.
- In what doubles as Awesome Music, Peter gets on in "Baby, You Knock Me Out," singing Eye Of The Tiger. Too bad it's cut short by Quagmire.
- One awesome Family Guy moment: Peter fighting the giant chicken. Pure insanity, and utter win.
- The best part is how each battle utterly tops the last. Case in point.
- Peter with Patrick Stewart's voice:
Sorry about the mess in the bathroom, Lois. My post-sex pee stream forked and it got everywhere.
- The FOX and syndication-edited version (as opposed to the version that airs on [adult swim] and DVD) had Peter (with Patrick Stewart's voice) naming off three famous Armenian-Americans.
- Peter gets a mild one, in the early episode "Love Thy Trophy" after a failed attempt to get Stewie back from his new adopted parents (after a series of misunderstandings leads to him being taken away), when an explanation fails and the new guardians boast the law is on their side, Peter tells them to "go kiss the fattest part of my ass" and assuring Stewie they'll come back for him.
- Peter rescuing Ross and Pam Fischman in "Into Fat Air".
- Anytime Lois is a bitch and Peter of all people calls her out on her bullshit. Brothers and Sisters is a good example of this, when Lois self righteously meddles in her sister's relationship with Mayor West, leading him to point out the major flaws of their marriage.
Peter: Well, nobody believed that we would make it and look at us now. I drink and you use sex as a weapon. That seems to me like a successful New England marriage.
Peter: Where's the clown?
- From "PTV". PETER'S RIGHT
- To elaborate, the FCC began censoring everything in real life and Peter got angry at Lois (the only supporter) for starting it by having Peter's TV station shut down. Lois defends her actions, but they come back to bite her in the ass when the FCC prohibited her from having sex, making her switch to Peter's side and get the FCC out (an awesome moment in itself).
- It happens again in "Meg And Quagmire" where Lois has to admit she was wrong about how to deal with the relationship and Peter being right about protecting Meg. Made even better due to Lois having a Never My Fault moment by blaming Peter for letting Meg go, only for him to sarcastically replicate her nagging about not interfering.
- In the episode where James Woods steals Peter's identity, Peter gets revenge by stealing his, then proceeds to to utterly destroy the man's reputation as an actor and as a human being in under five minutes on national TV.
- Charlie Brown finally kicking the football, thanks to Peter going all Road House on Lucy in "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag".
- Despite what Lois said, Peter beating up that kid who was bullying Chris was definitely CMOA material.
- One episode had a cutaway gag of the Griffin family being tortured by the Dungeon Master. Peter was being whipped, but casually made fun of the torturer. He was not only taking it like it was nothing, he was mocking the dungeon master.
Peter: Um, oh I'm sorry were you just whipping me or did I just get bit by a mosquito? (Dungeon Master whips Peter again) Say Lois, if you happen to see the Dungeon Master could you tell him his grandmother was just trying to work me over?
- When Lois learns Tai Jitsu and becomes drunk with power, she begins abusing Peter and rapes him, which she blamed him for belittling her and not giving her a say in the household. Later on, after slugging Peter hard and then outright gloating about it, Peter finally snaps and slugs her back, upon which Lois immediately whines Double Standard. Peter however hands it back to her and both of them end beating each other into an equally bloody pulp.
Peter: You...you hit me...Lois: *smugly* That's right.Lois: You can't hit me, I'm a girl!Peter: Sometimes I wonder.
- In "Finders Keepers", using a cutaway gag to teleport him and Lois into the Drunken Clam.
- Becoming a pirate and raiding a British car.
- Charging the New England Patriots all on his own. Tom Brady himself said it was "pretty ballsy".
- Peter beating up Jimmy Fallon, not for Fallon having sex with his daughter on live TV, (which he would have done anyway if he knew it was him) but because his cracking up and shameless mugging made SNL near unwatchable for the time he was on the show as a cast member. For anyone who hated SNL when Jimmy Fallon began cracking up in sketches (which would be around the time that Will Ferrell left), this, like the Justin Bieber example, is one of those "I wish I could do that" moments.
- In one episode, where Lois says that sometimes it's like she married a child:
Peter: You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert."
- In "The Thin White Line", the fact that Peter took so many tranquilizer darts and was still the last one standing is pretty damn impressive.
- In "Christmas Guy," Peter tricks Carter into uncancelling the Christmas carnival. Although it may now be Canon Discontinuity, considering Stewie changes the past at the end of the episode.
- In "Blind Ambition", Lois has Quagmire arrested for peeping on her in the bathroom. When the women on Spooner Street gang up on him, Peter (who would punch out any man's lights just for talking to Lois) stands up for his pal, even calling out Bonnie for her Arc Fatigue about her pregnancy. Doubles as a CMOH.
- In "Baby Not On Board", when Lois loses her temper and blames all their misfortunes on Peter's stupidity (she wasnt completely wrong, but her refusal to take any responsibility herself makes her just as bad), he calls her a cold-hearted cynic in this epic quote:
Peter: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. Oh, I can be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. But you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like- I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me, 'cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.\\
- In "Model Misbehavior", he punches Carter in the face.
Peter: That's for getting me a book for Christmas. You're rich you jerk!
- Knocking Hitler off his unicycle and punching him in the face. Just...damn. As a meta case, he also made a cutaway relevant to the story in the process.
Peter: See? We had a plan for that all along.
- A newly smart Peter in "The Most Interesting Man In The World" knocks Brian down a peg when Peter reveals that he replaced the TV with a bookcase. Brian starts gushing about how great it is that there's another reader in the family, and Peter then tells him to name at least one book in that case he's read. Brian just stalls by talking about how great books are and never gives Peter an actual answer.
- Peter/Han Solo forcing some Empire soldiers to dig their own graves with their helmets at gun point in "It's A Trap!" because he was sick of all the cute stuff involving the Ewoks.
- From "The Simpsons Guy", we have the fight fans have been waiting fifteen years for- Peter Griffin vs Homer Simpson, and the fight does not disappoint. The best part of the whole duel? Peter actually wins the fight!
- Homer earns one for coming closer to defeating Peter than the Giant Chicken ever did: he had Peter dead to rights at the end of the fight.
- A minor one, but one episode reveals that Peter somehow managed to convert the house into a giant puppet after being left to his own devices. It's more impressive than it sounds.
- Even though it was otherwise a Curb-Stomp Battle for him, Peter gets a mild one in "Fighting Irish" for managing to punch Liam Neeson in the face and draw blood when Neeson's face was tough enough to bend a tray out of shape, earlier.
- In "Jerome Is The New Black," Lois talks to Peter about his behavior and he actually acknowledges that he has been a jackass and tries to make amends.
- Lois kicking Lucy Van Pelt's ass in "Lethal Weapons".
- In "Stew-roids," Lois gets another one. When she sees Stewie all buffed out thanks to steroids, she asks Peter what the hell he was thinking. He tells her, completely nonchalantly, that someone suggested it was the best way, and that "Of course I believed him. I believe what everyone tells me anywhere." Lois decks him—quite rightfully and spectacularly.
- Lois in Round 6 of her last Boxing Match in 'Baby, You Knock Me Out.'
- Her first match, which she attempted to negotiate her way out of until her intended opponent goads her in with punches, Lois finally snaps and knocks her out cold in seconds.
- Lois has a minor one in the most recent episode, where Brian becomes a Conservative Republican, acting just as much of a strawman as he did as a Liberal Democrat. She basically chews him out and tells him he's only doing this because he likes to go against the popular opinion, and once the popular idea is something else, he switches. Too bad nobody has given Haley from American Dad! a similar speech.
- Lois is this in "Lethal Weapons", going from protecting her child to wiping out an entire bar single-handedly to kicking her sensei's ass, all in one episode.
Lois: (grabbing Peter's penis) This is MINE! This is where my babies come from!
- Meta-example in "Livin' on a Prayer," where Lois manages to respectfully convince a Christian Scientist family to allow their seriously-ill son to receive medical treatment. Given the show's track record toward organized religion - indeed, given some of the indications earlier in that same episode - this is a great, understated Moment of Awesome, showing the ability to convince someone of one's own point of view without belittling the other person's.
- Lois in "And I'm Joyce Kinney" owning her shame in having filmed a porno in her youth rather than letting it own her and turn her into a social pariah by showing the porno in church.
Lois: You know, I've been coming to this church for years. I know all the stories. Who did Jesus hang around with? Mary Magdalene. And who was she? A prostitute. Which means, if they had cameras back then, I bet she would have done a porno. And if she did, I know Jesus would have forgiven her. Am I any worse than Mary Magdalene? And more importantly, are you all better than Jesus? [...] The rest of you need to accept that I made a simple mistake. And here it is.
- "A Shot In The Dark": Lois beating the crap out of Peter with a newspaper after he tries another stupid stunt to make up for the fact that he accidentally shot Cleveland Jr. If you think Peter gets away with a lot of crap, it is cathartic.
- In "The Kiss Seen Around the World," Meg and Tom Tucker (who she has a crush on), go to City Hall where Neil Goldman threatens to jump off due to Meg rejecting him. Meg sees that Tom does not really want to save Neil and is only filming him for ratings, and calls him a horrible man to his face. After Neil jumps, Meg saves his life by breaking his fall, and tells him that even though she will not reciprocate to him, that doesn't mean she wants him to die. These just go to show that Meg does have morals, has a lot of common sense, and actually is an awesome character.
- In addition to that, Hugh Downs saving them both from an assassin in hand to hand combat.
- Meg gets a rather slight one in "Stew-Roids." When Connie D'Amico has been ruined socially by Chris, she turns to Meg for help. Meg tells her off by reminding her of the many times she's been teased and ostracized by her and how her self-harm habit was the end result.
- Meg got another one in "Road to Rupert." After putting up with the crap of Peter and his friends, she stops the car she's driving them in and immediately gets rear-ended. When confronted by the hostile driver of the vehicle behind her, she proceeds to beat the living hell out of the guy. Even Peter admits it was awesome.
- The recent "Seahorse Seashell Party" episode is the ultimate Throw the Dog a Bone to Meg, where she finally lashes out at Chris, Lois and Peter for all the crap they've put her through. Meg manages to reduce Lois to tears. And it was awesome, even if it doesn't last forever. She blasts the whole family away (barring Stewie and Brian), but that was the most awesome part about it, apart from this: "If someone from the outside world could see the way you treat me, you would be in jail!" And, of course, Status Quo Is God kicks in at the end with Meg taking all the blame on herself, but still, it was very satisfying while it lasted.
- Meg herself really. She takes everything her family dishes out on her and she still stands tall. She pretty much sucks up all the dysfunction of the family and everyone's happy because of it. Brian calls her a noble human being for how she gives up her one chance to rid herself of her Butt Monkey status and be the center of the family's aggression for the sake of making sure everyone doesn't turn on everyone else like a pack of wolves. Meg is arguably the strongest, most compassionate member of the family.
- In "Dial Meg for Murder", Meg Griffin gets out of jail and shows back up with a bunch of new tattoos and a badass new look, and gives back for all the crap she's been given since the show was Un-Canceled for the second time. In it, she...
- Kicks the crap out of her father not once, but twice (and makes him punch Stewie),
- Beats up the popular kids with a pillow case full of unopened sodas, all the while ignoring their name-calling and,
- When Connie D'Amico is beaten senseless, gives her a very deep and thorough French kiss, all in front of the entire school during lunchtime to humiliate her further.
- And then this all results in one for Brian, eventually he's forced to drive Meg down to Goldsmith's pharmacy so she can rob it, then take her to the airport... and she has a gun. However, as she's holding up the pharmacy, Brian steps in and grabs a magazine he had written an article for earlier on in the show. The subject? Teenagers... and in the case of who Brian wrote it about, Meg. Now that's a mini Heartwarming moment in and of itself, but he uses the article and his words to convince her to stand down and go back to being her normal self instead of the abusive person she has been... both an awesome one, and a CMOH.
- Meg saving Peter's life in "You Can't Do That On Television, Peter," even though she doesn't get thanked for it.
- In Space Cadet, when Peter insults Meg, she responds with "Fuck you! I can hear you from my room." It was pretty sweet for those who think Meg's abuse and mistreatment has gotten out of hand in the later seasons of the show.
- In "Valentine's Day In Quahog", Meg finally gets a date with a guy who, despite taking her kidney, actually likes her.
- After Lois gets caught seducing Meg's boyfriend, she goes to apologize, but drops hints that she's better looking and if she really wanted him, she could have him. Meg responds with this:
Meg: You think this is about looks? We do things that you wouldn't be able to crawl back from. I'm talking about power tools. [rips out one of her own teeth] He hangs me from the shower with your old bras and we laugh at you. [throws the bloody tooth in Lois' face]
- Meg blackmailing Chris in "Chris Cross", very satisfying considering how much of a jerk he usually is towards her.
- Meg defeating the infamous "Mental Mike" by flashing him, causing him to melt as if he stared into the Ark of the Covenant.
- You'd think using Meg as an evil stepsister in "Grimm Job"'s Cinderella segment would be another excuse to make her a Butt Monkey, but she and Stewie are absolute bitches to Cinderella!Lois. For Meg fans sick and tired of the way Lois abuses her daughter, seeing Meg make Lois run away in tears is pretty satisfying.
- When Peter and Lois find out what Meg's photo job is really(foot porn), they confront her. Meg strikes back at them, telling them they don't really care about her. After dealing with their shit, its good to see her take a shot at them for being uncaring and un-supportive parents.
- In "Peter's Sister", Meg is at first satisfied that Peter's getting his just desserts when his sister bullies him after all the years of abuse from him. But then she thinks it's gone too far, so when Karen (Peter's sister's name) is about to finish him in a wrestling match, Meg goes up behind her and knocks her out with a steel chair!
- In "Extra Large Medium", Chris dates Ellen a girl with Down Syndrome. On their date, she turns out to be a demanding bitch and eventually pushes Chris to his limit. He explodes at her and tells her that just because she's handicapped doesn't make it okay for her to be mean to others.
- In "Space Cadet" Chris manages to save the entire family from being stranded in space by piloting the space shuttle back to earth, proving that he's more then just The Ditz.
- Chris gives his opinion of Lois's actions in "The King Is Dead".
Meg: I don't get it, Mom, if you're so mad at Dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?Chris: A bitch?
- A major one for Brian haters: in "Livin on a Prayer" when Brian tried to spew his views about the whole issue, Chris calls him out on it, stating that if Brian dies (and he probably will, considering that a future episode will have one member of the Griffin family die and be replaced), the family is going to get a new dog, one that actually acts like a dog and isn't a preachy douche. Of course, fans of Brian didn't find it as funny.
- Subverted in the fact that Vinnie also acts human-like for the duration of his time on the show.
- Stewie's first birthday party, where he comes to believe the "Man in White" who birthed him is planning to imprison him in the womb again. Circumstances lead to a Jim Jones-esque cult leader entering the house wearing his white robe, and Stewie Mind Screws with him a bit before showing himself and announcing "It's a boy!" before gunning the leader down.
- To elaborate further this guy led a suicide cult. Stewie's presence was enough to make the guy fear for his life.
- In "Trading Places", Stewie gets a smaller one before Meg's dinner: Peter and Lois are snarking about how terrible it's going to be (in other words, their usual "Meg sucks" stuff). Stewie responds "Hey man, give her a fucking chance, alright?"
- Not to mention, Stewie getting his bike stolen from a bully. After it seems he has gotten away, with a few failed attempts from Stewie to apprehend him, he decides to handle things the old fashioned way, and captures and tortures the bully till he begs for his life in tears.
Stewie: Seven...my goodness, you're almost a lady. How ironic your life is in the hands of an infant...NOW TELL ME WHERE MY TRICYCLE IS!!!
Stewie: You know, my hooligan friend, I've been racking my brain in a thus far fruitless attempt to resolve our recent unpleasantness. Then it dawned on me. Your cruelty merely stems from some deep-seated inner pain. So, the obvious remedy is a healthy dose of OUTER PAIN! (Pulls out a net launcher)
- His capturing the bully was especially awesome.
- Stewie fighting Penelope in "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie". Two toddlers trying to kill each other with knives and rayguns in another Bad Ass moment from Stewie.
- Stewie's duel with Bertram in Renaissance-era Italy, and with Leonardo da Vinci's flying machines.
- Stewie saving Chris from his strangler in "Killer Queen", by showing him the News Of The World album cover, giving him a heart attack, killing him.
- The opening scene of PTV: Stewie fends off a bunch of Afghanistanian terrorists including Osama bin Laden, and when asked who he is, says, "I'm Stewie Griffin. And don't ever let me catch you guys in Quahog!" But then he falls down and onto his trike, where he goes through a montage parodying many classic movies and video game scenes like The Wizard of Oz and Star Wars, which happens to be a shoutout to the opening to The Naked Gun.
- In the "Point of Stew" segment of "Viewer Mail #2", before going to bed, Stewie travels back in time to stop Kurt Cobain from committing suicide and offers him some Häagen Dazs. The result is that Nirvana got to make more albums and the most recent one has a fat Kurt on it.
Stewie: When I grow up, I'm never gonna call you. I'm gonna be busy with my job and my family. You will be nothing.
- And earlier in the same segment, he whispers this into Lois' ear.
- In "Brian's Play", Stewie writes a play, "An American Marriage", following the premiere of Brian's first successful production, "A Passing Fancy", and asks for Brian's input. When Brian actually looks at the script to patronizingly humor Stewie, he is horrified and brought to tears upon seeing just how good it is. Brian tells Stewie his play is awful and then tries to destroy it, but Stewie finds it buried in the yard and rightfully calls out Brian's jealousy. Stewie also goes out of his way to call out Brian's own mediocrity as a writer and a producer by listing all the faults with "A Passing Fancy", citing it as amateurish garbage loaded with cliches and stolen pieces from other works, and the fact that Peter, a man so dumb it took him a year to figure out Stuart Little, was instantly able to get it, citing it as proof that Brian's only barely able to pander to the lowert common denominator. It culminates with this epic line:
Stewie: May every person that laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity, and pierce your heart like a knife!
- Made more awesome when later on Stewie feels bad for Brian due to the latter only having a few years left to live, so Stewie deliberately sabotages his own succesful play so that Brian can have a real chance to succeed himself.
- How does Stewie respond to Lois accusing him of peeing on the living room rug? By slapping her across the face with a white glove.
- Single-handedly defeating Crippletron!
- "Boys Do Cry". Something needs to be said about how when he saw that a girl might be a threat to him in the pageant, he had Chuck Norris punch her out. In case you didn't get the point: Stewie gave an order to CHUCK NORRIS, and he listened!
- Lois, Bonnie, & Donna have gotten drunk and forced Brian into a bee costume, and Lois says to now do the same to Stewie. So, he calmly takes out a revolver, spins it, and says...
Stewie (calmly): Alright, I guess this is the night bitches die.
- In an attempt to stop Peter and Lois from having another child, what is Stewie's final plan when everything else fails? Shrink down, go inside Peter, and obliterate every last sperm inside Peter one by one!!!
Stewie: Well, well. Do you know what today is? A bad day to be a sperm.
- Really, any of the times Stewie briefly recovers (but never lastingly) from his Badass Decay qualifies.
- Stewie gets one at the end of "McStroke" when he successfully frames Connie D'Amico for pedophilia, getting her arrested. Also a Crowning Moment of Funny:
Stewie: "Look, this girl is making out with a baby, a nude baby!!"
- "Don't Make Me Over", for beating the crap out of his own thought bubble!
- In "Life of Brian", Brian dies for real, and Stewie refuses to immediately forget about Brian like the rest of the family. He shares his feelings with the replacement dog, Vinnie. In doing so, Stewie is able to help Vinnie to appreciate Brian's enduring significance in his life. Later, Stewie finds his past self and after having Vinnie distract past Stewie long enough to take the return pad, Stewie returns to the moment before Brian's death and saves Brian from getting run over!
- "Yes, all work and no play makes Stewie a dull boy."
- Stewie giving Brian two gangsta-style beatings in the episode "Patriot Games" because Brian failed to repay a dept.
- "And the Wiener Is..." "Nowisthewinterofyourdiscontent!" (Brian gets owned with a snowball cannon)
- In "Fifteen Minutes Of Shame", when the Griffins are eating at a seafood restaurant. Rather than wait for his food to be brought to him, Stewie tells them to take the rubber bands off his chosen lobster, then goes into the tank and wrestles with it! All while the others are arguing about the new reality show they're a part of. Stewie then drags his lobster to the table, victorious.
- While stuck in a foster home in "Love Thy Trophy", Stewie reduces the other children to tears by dropping the cold, hard truth about international relations on them. No matter what, they simply will not break him.
Indian Baby: Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?Stewie: Why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl? Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country.Indian Baby: Yee, would your people really do this?Stewie: Oh, try and stop them. And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen, who will in turn sell them to Ura's people so they can ethnically cleanse the rest of this nauseatingly diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. So now you all understand, yes? You all hate each other!
- In "The Man with Two Brians", Stewie is tired of "New Brian" and tries to make him leave to get the old Brian back. In response, New Brian decides to taunt Stewie by telling him he had humped Stewie's teddy, Rupert for two hours and that now "every time you're sleeping with him, he's gonna be thinking of me." Cut to Stewie dragging a full, bloody trash bag out to the curb.
- From the episode "Quagmire's Dad":
- Brian: Hey...I FUCKED your dad.
- Meta-example in "Tiegs For Two". Though they were both kinda in "douchebag mode" at the time, Brian once again is defensive to Quagmire's contempt for him for once, and when the two steal each other's girlfriends, they share verbal insults (and compared to the lengthy "The Reason You Suck" Speech Brian suffers in "Jerome Is The New Black", is quick to point out any of Quagmire's own hypocrisies and shortcomings), and puts up a lighter, but far more even handed brawl against him.
- Brian got one in "Barely Legal" for not only standing up for Meg, but for completely disassembling Connie D'Amico:
- Connie D'Amico: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave, but Brian can stay. (She and another couple laugh)
Brian: (slurring a bit) You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie D'Amico: Excuse me?!
Meg: Brian, let's just go.
Brian: No, no, no, no, no, hang on. Hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were 12note . But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19 you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that, am I in the ballpark?
Connie: (runs off in tears)
- In "Brian Griffin's House Of Payne", Brian gets a script (probably the only good thing he's written, never mind that he once directed porno films and rewrote them so that way the sex would have some subtext and motivation to them) approved by CBS, before producers gradually meddle and tweak his idea to the point it blatantly becomes little more than a base for a standard gimmicky sitcom, (and as the final insult, have James Woods play the lead role). After an attempt to return the show to his original idea only leads to them deciding to dump Brian's college plot altogether for other deranged comedy scenarios, he finally snaps, chewing them out for turning his dream into something cheap and ridiculous and quits.
- In "Brian's Got A Brand New Bag", the Brian is being ridiculed for dating an older woman instead of the bimbos he usually goes out with. When the family bugs her about her age and drives her to tears, Brian finally has it and unleashes this "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
Brian: You people are AWFUL. You know, this is what's wrong with society. Nobody bats an eye if a woman dates an older man but God forbid it's the other way around! There's nothing wrong with me dating Rita.Lois: But Brian—Brian: She's beautiful, she's a charming woman AND I LOVE HER!!!
- At first, you may think they don't get it, but later when Brian proposes to Rita, they apologize for how they acted and support Brian's decision.
- See the above entry for Meg about always putting up with her family's crap? In that way, Brian is even more awesome by putting up with being the Butt Monkey AND The Scrappy (especially in the later episodes where Quagmire hates him for being a pretentious douchebag and no one takes his liberal, atheist ways seriously because he's a dog).
- Brian managing to somehow bang ALL his past living girlfriends in one night.
- See the quote for One Woman Song. Brian was able to name 31 different songs named after girls without missing a beat.
- Brian finally gets one over Lois' snide remarks about his novel in "Dog Gone":
Brian: Look, this is a really big deal. It'd be nice to get some support around here!Lois: Oh, I'm sorry, Brian. That's great news ! Yeah, what channel will the awards ceremony be on?Brian: Are they having an awards ceremony for how well you did the dishes last night?Stewie: Ha! You got nothing going on.
- In "Brian the Closer" Brian gets a complete victory over Quagmire. First he tricks him into using his entire bonus to purchase a rundown building, then he is able to avoid Quagmire long enough to prevent him from using a legal loophole to return the building, and finally, when Quagmire does track him down Brian fakes remorse to buy enough time to ensure that Quagmire is stuck with the building and can't get his money back. Granted he does lose his teeth, and as a result his job in real estate, but for once he successfully screwed over Quagmire first.
- Even the lost teeth aren't that much of a loss. Brian still has his money from selling houses to get them repaired and doesn't seem bothered by losing his job while Quagmire is successfully denied what he wants by Brian.
- To make it all the better Brian succeeded by doing one of the things that Quagmire accused him of: pretending to be deep. As high and mighty as Quagmire acts towards Brian he was not able to see through Brian's act until it's too late to do anything.
- Also form "Brian the Closer" is the fact Brian's Character Development from "Meg Stinks" has remained intact. He finds satisfaction in acting like an actual dog, doesn't bemoan his misfortune when Lois refuses to pay for his teeth to be fixed and simply asks for a solution, and takes a job in real estate simply because it's offered and doesn't get a swollen head over it.
- He gives Peter one heck of a "The Reason You Suck" Speech in "Turkey Guys", one that rivals Lois' speech from "Baby Not On Board". He calls him out on framing him for eating the Thanksgiving turkey and causing trouble on the way home. After Peter saves Brian from two zoo lions, they apologize, Peter saying that Brian had a right to say all those things to him.
- "Quagmire's Mom" has a role reversal that proves extremely cathartic for Brian. When Quagmire is sentenced to jail for sleeping with an underage girl he just tries Never My Fault and blames his mother for his behavior. Brian just points out that Quagmire is a grown man and should just accept responsibility for his action, which causes Quagmire to question in shock if Brian is defending his mother, who is Christian, when Brian himself is an atheist. Brian doesn't even try to hide the fact that he is doing so and just gets in a dig at Quagmire about going to jail. Later when Quagmire is about to enter the jail for his sentence Brian gets in his car and drives away while shouting about freedom. When The Dog Bites Back he really bites back.
- To add to how good this is for Brian he is sitting down on all fours when he defends Quagmire's mother, as if to say to him "the dog is acting like an actual dog and he is mocking you."
- Brian gets one in "Family Goy" when Jesus himself agrees with his opinion!
Peter: But then Jesus, what religion should our family be?Jesus: Ah, six of one, they're all complete crap.Brian: (offscreen) Thank you!
- In "Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air," when Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire team up and attempt to break Joe's legs so he would stop acting like an asshole, Joe manages to beat up Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire at the same time, without a single scratch on him. Then, Bonnie appears out of nowhere with a gun and she doesn't back down. She then shoots him at the wrong spots, and then Joe is forced to take the gun and then shoot himself.
- The fact that Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire just kept getting up was pretty impressive.
- The fact that Doctor Hartman successfully performed the surgery just from watching the how-to video could be considered one.
- "I don't arrest cripples".
- In Brian Writes A Bestseller, Brian let the fame go to his head after intentionally writing a crappy self-help book just to prove he could, espousing that he's written a "best-selling phenomenon" and treating Stewie like crap even though he was responsible for the book being published. Brian then guest-starred on Real Time with Bill Maher along with Ariana Huffington and Dana Gould, where he started belittling Ariana and Dana while praising his own genius. Bill, Ariana, and Dana all effortlessly tore down Brian's over-inflated ego whilst telling him that his "book" is just doing damage to society by pandering to lazy idiots with resources that only a few people actually have. Brian, flustered, admitted he thought the book was crap too and begged to Bill "tell me what you want me to say!" Bill snarked to Brian that he lost any respect for him he might've had, and if he's going to blast his own self indulgent ethics he should at least be consistent about it. Brian then peed himself before being shooed offstage with a rolled-up newspaper.
- Quagmire has one in the episode "Jerome Is The New Black," after telling Brian why he hates him, probably mirroring how many fans had begun to feel towards him:
Quagmire: You wanna know, Brian. I'll tell you: You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife; the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and that is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing and always say, "Oh, I'll get you later," but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies too, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and lecture them with some 7th grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat, and that's why you like him so much. He's you! God, you're pretentious. And you delude yourself into thinking you're some great writer even though you're terrible. You know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would've known there's no "a" in the word "definite." And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda - how we should "legalize pot, man", how big business is crushing the underclass and homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have you done to help? I worked down at the soup kitchen Brian. Never seen you down there! You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE! Oh, and driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh wait, you don't believe in Jesus Christ or any religion for that matter because "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. How is that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that - all of it - if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore! *sighs* Well, I'll see you later Brian. *gets up and leaves* Thanks for the fucking steak.
- It gets better when you realize that Seth MacFarlane himself is the real winner of the CMOA. Consider that Brian is confirmed to be Seth's Author Avatar and then that he voices both Brian and Quagmire. Seth MacFarlane is quite literally launching a tirade against himself for his own irritating qualities. Something like that brutally honest really takes guts to do for yourself to say nothing of being in front of your entire audience.
- And just in case you feel Quagmire takes it too far, Brian dishes a mini dose back at Quagmire in "Tiegs For Two", labelling him a shallow, half-Polish know-it-all.
- It gets better when you realize that Seth MacFarlane himself is the real winner of the CMOA. Consider that Brian is confirmed to be Seth's Author Avatar and then that he voices both Brian and Quagmire. Seth MacFarlane is quite literally launching a tirade against himself for his own irritating qualities. Something like that brutally honest really takes guts to do for yourself to say nothing of being in front of your entire audience.
- From "Halloween on Spooner Street": Quagmire's prank.
- Also from that episode, Lois getting Stewie's candy back, and then forcing the kid's mom to give Stewie the kid's candy and forty dollars as well.
- From "Screams Of Silence, The Story of Brenda Q": Quagmire running his sister's abusive boyfriend over with his car, after it's revealed that Quagmire didn't die from being strangled, as he's so used to erotically asphyxiating himself that it doesn't bother him. He did nearly die from it in the beginning of the episode, but he got better.
Peter: Hilarious, but you know what? I was thinking this afternoon, what the hell happened to the days where a guy does something like that to a girl, and a bunch of us guys get together and just go kick his fucking ass?
- And this small one from Peter...
- When Quagmire plots to kill Jeff, Joe refuses to go through with it, since it would be murder. But once he hears Jeff abusing Brenda next door, Joe responds with this...
- Don Draper having a lightsaber battle with a random executive, while Ace Frehley plays the Star Wars theme on guitar. Peter ruining television did have a few upsides after all.
- In the episode "German Guy," Herbert's rescue of Chris and Peter from a former Nazi. Doubles as an Overly Long Funny Moment.
- In Patriot Games, Carol Channing goes up against Mike Tyson in a celebrity boxing match. No matter how many punches she took Carol just would not go down until Mike collapsed from exhaustion. And bonus points to Carol for actually voicing herself.
- Every time a character from another series or a celebrity other than Adam West is either mentioned or shows up in a cutaway or brought to a scene to help progress the story line (i.e. Stewie managing to get Seymour Krelborn to explain what happened to Mort Goldman in "Road to Germany").
- The Disney Acid Sequence from the episode ''Road to the Multiverse" was all kinds of win for multiple reasons, most notably for its fresh, brilliant fluid animation and its actually brilliant song sequence.
- The Quahog Police vs. the Southern Police.
Joe: You've got a lot of nerve driving around my city with a busted headlight... and a broken windshield... and an untreated leg wound...
Joe: You took an oath just the same as me, sheriff. To protect and serve, not to harass and douche. Just 'cause you have a badge doesn't mean you can treat people any way you like. As a law enforcement professional, you have an obligation to be more ethically upstanding than the average man, not less. Now get the Hell out of my town.
- Joe's speech to the sheriff:
- In the All Just a Dream Y2K episode, Joe is melted to the ground after the explosion. When the Griffins leave, a giant rat appears, looking hostile. Joe's response?
Joe: Bring it OOOON!!!
- He also shows up unscarred later in the episode.. That's right: Joe fought off a giant rat and won while melted to a driveway.
- Modern technology vs. Amish technology. The Amish won!
- Rush Limbaugh in "Excellence in Broadcasting" for being willing to make fun of himself.
- In-Universe: Him saving Brian from four gang members right after Brian insulted him.
- In "Valentine's Day In Quahog", Brian's exes give their (bad) opinions of him (also a Take That, Scrappy! moment), and then chase him out the house after Brian insults them!!
- In "Petergeist", Herbert vs the giant tree monster. (Complete with a "You Shall Not Pass!")
- The exterminators from "He's Too Sexy For His Fat". Crazy Awesome. Especially Logan's Big Damn Heroes moment.
- Joyce Kinney getting revenge on Lois for a horrible prank she played on her in high school as seen in "And I'm Joyce Kinney."
- Mario and Luigi making cameos in Boopa-Dee Zappa-Dee.
- An Asian commercial about the Trix Rabbit finally getting fed up with his treatment from kids, decides to beat them up and finally get his cereal. This is very satisfying considering how much he's being denied the cereal.
- Cleveland/R2 shooting a TIE fighter out the window of the Falcon.
Cleveland/R2: YEEE-AAHH! That's how we do it in my neighborhood, bitch!
- This bit from "Farmer Guy" when the news does a report on rising crime rates.
Tom Tucker: And this just in, Quahog. Tom Tucker is packing.Pulls out a gun and drops it on the deskTom Tucker: I drive a 2006 Infiniti and I don't plan on losing it. Come and get me.
- When Peter pretends to be Jewish to avoid work, he dresses up like a Hassidic Jew and makes anti Semitic jokes at a Synagouge. A real life Hassidic Jew kicks him in the groin.
- Donna giving Lois "The Reason You Suck" Speech for her bad parenting in "He's Bla-ack!" is definitely one, as she's saying exactly what's been bothering fans about Lois.
- Another for Quagmire in "Lottery Fever". After he and Joe put up with endless abuse from Peter after his new fortune goes to his head, Quagmire finally draws the line following a prank involving a BB gun and Joe's eye. After Peter is naturally unapologetic and boasts of his money, Quagmire finally blasts at him to screw his money and storms out (okay he gets a shot to the throat first but still).
Quagmire: Screw this! You're a jerk!Peter: A jerk? What kind of a way is that to talk to your friend who gives you money?Quagmire: Go to hell, Peter! We don't need your money! And we don't need friends like you!Joe: Yeah, we're outta here!
- Mort Goldman, of all people, gets the biggest laugh out of the audience with his joke at Peter Griffin's roast.
Mort:Peter is so fat and stupid, Lamar Odom tried to bang him!
- That whole episode "And Then There Were Fewer" was awesome. What looked like it might be another excuse for bad writing and mystery parody was actually a tight, well-written, funny, well-done mystery.
Stewie: (after saving Lois from Diane Simmons by shooting her with a sniper rifle) "If anyone's going to take that bitch out, it's gonna be me."
- And at the end:
- Similarly, in "Brian and Stewie" they made an episode with only one setting, no cuttaways, two characters together for one episode with nothing but their character.
- Make this a double awesome for Seth MacFarlane, as he voices both characters. He essentially had an entire episode where he talked to himself and it was very well done.
- In the episode Yug Ylimaf, Brian has to finish the time machine (and apparently solve some hefty equations) with only Stewie's notes to make time go forward instead of backward again. He picks up the notes and says: "Oh, math, you terrible dick." The funny part? The notebook prominently features the structural formula of - you guessed it - Methamphetamine.
- The completely out-of-nowhere Shout-Out to Flash Gordon with the Hawkmen in Road To Germany, this time fighting Nazis instead of Ming's soldiers. Was ridiculously over-the-top insanity made awesome back then, still ridiculously over-the-top insanity made awesome today.
- Who could forget Mayor Adam West's brutal and bloodthirsty murder of the Noid?
- "Perhaps it was the Noid who should have avoided me."
- Seth MacFarlane singing Everything I Do (I Do It For You) as Stewie in the episode Joe's daughter is born, say what you want about the Griffin family, but damn, the musical numbers are always done well vocal wise.
- This show of all shows portrays Domestic Abuse in a serious manner in the episode "Screams of Silence, the Story of Brenda Q." On the one hand, this is jarring (and, in some people's eyes, unfortunate) since Domestic Abuse and overall violence against women is usually Played for Laughs. On the other hand, the gesture does show that even a twisted show like this has a moral code.
- "Ratings Guy", for finally doing a plot that The Simpsons hadn't done first.
Homer: Guys! I broke television, and now you have to help me fix it!Peter: Yah-ha! Looks like this is one we beat you to.
- "Big Fat" did something fans really liked: A crossover with American Dad!. Of course it was just a cutaway, but still.
- To top it all of, Hank from King of the Hill shows up and the opening of the episode is the same of said series, including the awesome song.
- In one episode, Peter is asked what his name is. He eventually goes with "Pea-tear-Gryphon... aw, crap". Just the fact that that building has a live gryphon in it... Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Funny.
- "Meg Stinks!" stands as a particularly inoffensive episode of post-revival Family Guy. Brian is seen acting like a dog rather than a pretentious writer. It was especially charming to see how well Meg and Peter were bonding together - considering the abuse she suffered from previous seasons. If there's any evidence Family Guy's 1999-2002 quality is coming back up, this could be it.
- The Valentine's Day episode.
- The first cutaway gag in "Quagmire's Mom". Peter blindfolds Meg, takes her to a field and attempts to abandon her. After all the years of mistreating Meg, karma finally hits him in the balls when his car crashes into a tree and explodes, leaving him badly injured and begging for Meg to rescue him. Doubles as Crowning Moment of Funny.
- "Fighting Irish" gives Peter another dose of karma in the form of Liam Neeson, and for Mr. Neeson and the viewers who tired of Peter's bullshit, it is glorious.