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Warning: Episode pages contain unmarked spoilers. As this is an ongoing series, expect some story summaries, titles, and episode orders to be changed.
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"Death Has a Shadow": Peter gets drunk at a stag party and loses his job when he comes to work hung over, so he applies for welfare — and becomes rich when the first welfare check he gets is for $150,000.
"I Never Met the Dead Man": Peter must learn to live without TV after he crashes the car into the town's cable satellite and pins the blame on Meg (who recently failed her driving test). Meanwhile, Stewie invents a weather-control machine so he can rid the world of broccoli.
"Chitty Chitty Death Bang": The Griffins prepare for Stewie's first birthday while Meg befriends a strange girl who's really part of a cult and Stewie prepares to fight back against the "man in white" who is looking to put him back in Lois's womb.
"Mind Over Murder": Peter is put under house arrest after punching a pregnant woman who looks like a man, so he starts his own bar in the basement — and becomes jealous when Lois's racy lounge singing is the star attraction.
"A Hero Sits Next Door": Peter searches for a way to be a hero after his family and friends begin fawning over new neighbor, Joe Swanson, a police officer confined to a wheelchair.
"The Son Also Draws": While on their way to New York City to renew Chris' membership in the Youth Scouts, the Griffins stop at an Indian casino (so Peter can use the bathroom) and Lois gambles away their money.
"Brian: Portrait of a Dog": Brian fights for his rights as a dog after refusing to help Peter win a dog show due to a degrading stunt and later getting arrested for drinking at a water fountain in the park.
"Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater": When Lois' deceased aunt gives the Griffin family her summer home in Newport, Peter (with help from Brian) decides to become a proper gentleman after embarrassing Lois with his crude antics.
"Holy Crap": Peter's religious father stays at the house and drives the family crazy with his Bible thumping.
"Da Boom": The Griffins are one of the few survivors left after the world becomes a wasteland following the Y2K computer disaster.
"Brian in Love": Brian goes to therapy to find the cause of his urinary problems.
"Love Thy Trophy": The Griffins and the Swansons collaborate on an award-winning float for a parade, but fight over who gets the trophy. Meanwhile, Meg gets a job as a diner waitress after telling patrons that she's a single mother with a crack baby (Stewie).
"Death is a Bitch": After Peter survives a cancer scare, he is stuck with the hospital bill. To avoid paying it, Peter writes that he's dead on the bill — and inadvertently conjures Death.
"The King is Dead": Lois is chosen to direct a local production of The King and I and makes Peter the producer, who uses his position to turn The King and I into a mash-up of what he thinks is entertaining.
"I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar": Peter is sent to women's sensitivity training after getting in trouble for cracking sexist jokes at work, but his newfound feminine side begins creeping everyone out.
"If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'": Peter pretends that Chris is dying of a terminal illness to save his favorite crime show from cancellation. Things get worse when Peter explains away Chris' being cured as proof that he has divine powers.
"Running Mates": Peter and Lois run against each other for head of the school board.
"A Picture is Worth a 1,000 Bucks": The Griffins go to New York City after Chris's painting that Peter uses to cover up a broken car window is discovered by an art dealer who wants to make Chris the next big thing.
"'Fifteen Minutes of Shame": After her family embarrasses her during a sleepover, Meg brings them on Diane Simmons' daytime talk show to expose their antics — and ends up making them reality TV show stars.
"Road to Rhode Island": Brian flies to Florida to pick up Stewie — and the two end up on a road trip that leads them to Brian's farm home in Texas. Meanwhile, Lois buys videos made to help couples strengthen their relationship — but Peter ends up liking them for its secret pornographic content.
"Let's Go to the Hop:" Peter poses as a high school student to stop teenagers from being addicted to licking toads.
"Dammit Janet!": Stewie falls in love with a preschool girl who only likes him because he has cookies while Lois takes a job as a flight attendant (which Peter only wants after Quagmire tells him that a flight attendant's husband can fly anywhere in the world for free).
"He's Too Sexy for His Fat": After being humiliated by his weight, Chris looks to Peter to help him lose the pounds, but Peter looks to liposuction as the easy way out, while Stewie begins eating all the good food that Chris has to give up for his diet and ends up morbidly obese.
"E. Peterbus Unum": When Peter discovers that the Spooner Street maps in Quahog don't have the Griffin's house listed, Peter forms his own country and wages war against America.
"The Story on Page One": Meg joins the school newspaper so she can have an extracurricular activity for college, but Peter nearly ruins her chances when her exposť on Mayor West wasting taxpayer money on a water-draining conspiracy is replaced with an article on Luke Perry's alleged homosexuality.
"Wasted Talent": Lois finds out that Peter is a piano virtuoso when he's drunk and enters him in a competition.
"Fore, Father:" Peter becomes more attached to Cleveland's son than with Chris and trains Cleveland Jr. to be a pro-golfer, while Chris bonds with Quagmire.
"The Thin White Line": Bored with his life, Brian decides to join the police force as a drug dog — and ends up a cocaine addict. Meanwhile, Peter wins a cruise vacation, but has to give it up when Brian is forced to enter rehab.
"Brian Does Hollywood": Continuing where "The Thin White Line" left off, Brian leaves for Hollywood to launch his screenwriting career — and ends up a successful porno director. Meanwhile, Stewie is chosen to appear on Kids Say the Darndest Things and builds a pair of brainwashing eyeglasses so he can hypnotize the home audience.
"Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington": A cigarette company buys the toy factory and Peter is promoted to an executive and chosen to speak out against claims that the cigarette company is taking over Happy Go Lucky Toys in order to brainwash kids into smoking.
"One If by Clam, Two If by Sea": After a hurricane, the Drunken Clam becomes a British pub, and Peter and his buddies fight back. Meanwhile, Stewie teaches a Cockney girl (who turns out to be the daughter of the pub owner) how to speak proper English.
"And the Wiener Is...": When Peter finds out that Chris has a bigger penis than him, he questions his own manhood. Meanwhile, Meg becomes a member of the flag girl squad and is bullied by the popular kids.
"Death Lives": Peter blows off his wedding anniversary to Lois for a round of golf, but a near-death experience (with Death himself returning) shows that Lois may not stay with Peter long enough for the next anniversary.
"Lethal Weapons": Lois turns to karate to rid the town of an invasion of New Yorkers, and realizes that Stewie has picked up on her violent behavior.
"The Kiss Seen Around the World": Meg becomes an intern at the news station along with nerdy Neil Goldman, and their kiss during a hostage situation becomes headline news. Meanwhile, Stewie's tricycle gets stolen by an older kid, and Peter gets harassed by a man who won't stop calling him a phony.
"Mr. Saturday Knight": Peter finds himself out of a job after Mr. Weed dies during dinner and the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is shut down.
"A Fish Out of Water": Still unemployed, Peter decides to become a fisherman while Lois takes Meg to the beach for spring break.
"Emission Impossible": After helping Lois's suddenly single sister deliver her baby, Peter and Lois decide to have another child, which doesn't sit well with Stewie.
"Screwed the Pooch": While visiting Lois' parents, Peter finally finds a common bond with Carter (Lois' dad), but the bond is broken when Brian (who has been overcome with sexual frustration) has sex with Carter's prized greyhound, Seabreeze.
"Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?": Worried that Chris doesn't know anything about his family lineage, Peter takes him to the library to research the Griffin family tree — and finds that he has a black ancestor, who was owned as a slave to his wife's ancestors.
"Ready, Willing and Disabled": After Joe fails to catch a crook, Peter enters him in the Special Olympics to boost his spirits, but when Joe wins (thanks to Peter lacing Joe's water with steroids), the fame goes to Joe's head.
"A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas": Christmas for the Griffins is neither holly nor jolly, not after Peter accidentally gives the family presents to charity, Lois goes insane and attacks the town center's Christmas tree, and Stewie is chosen to play the baby Jesus for the town's Nativity play.
"Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows": Brian gets arrested for driving under the influence and must care for a cranky old woman with a tragic past. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard that becomes the new home for a nest of endangered birds.
"From Method to Madness": Stewie teams up with a child star named Olivia and the duo become a hit onstage. Meanwhile, Peter rescues a naked man from drowning...and discovers that the man and his family are nudists, and, worse still, Meg actually likes their son.
"Stuck Together, Torn Apart": Stewie and Brian are glued together while Lois and Peter deal with their jealousy issues with a trial separation.
"Road to Europe": Stewie runs away to England to be on a British kids' TV show. Meanwhile, Lois's lack of knowledge about KISS puts a strain on her marriage to Peter.
"No Bones About It": Peter finds a genie that grants his every wish — including one that turns him into a boneless blob.
"Super Griffins": The Griffins become superheroes after a tanker truck of toxic waste spills on them.
"L'il Griffins": An Our Gang parody with the adult cast members of Family Guy as The Little Rascals.
"When You Wish Upon a Weinstein": In the show's first banned episode (that eventually aired on free-to-air TV in the U.S. after airing on cable TV), Peter befriends a Jewish banker named Max Weinstein who helps the Griffins get their money back from a crooked insurance salesman, and, thinking that Jewish people are more successful than Gentiles, pushes Chris into Judaism, but Lois stops him.
"North by North Quahog": In the new series premiere, Peter and Lois go on a second honeymoon to spice up their marriage — and end up on the run from Mel Gibson. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian are put in charge of disciplining Chris and Meg.
"Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High": When Chris' teacher quits his job after winning the lottery, Brian becomes Chris' new teacher. When Brian is transferred to a class of inner-city thugs, Chris gets a hot new teacher who wants him to kill her husband.
"Blind Ambition": After Quagmire is commemorated for saving a woman who had a heart attack in the changing room of a clothing store, Peter decides to do something memorable by swallowing coins so he can be in the Guinness Book of World Records — which makes him go blind.
"The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire": Loretta cheats on Cleveland with Quagmire, but rather than feel angry, Cleveland treats it like it's nothing — until he sees a re-enactment of Quagmire having sex with Loretta (as staged by Brian and Peter).
"Petarded": In an attempt to prove to Brian that he is a genius after winning a game of Trivial Pursuit, Peter takes an IQ test — and the results come back with news that Peter is mentally retarded.
"8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter: To pay his debt at the pharmacy, Peter sells Meg to Mort Goldman's son, Neil. Meanwhile, Stewie has a crush on his new babysitter, but when he finds out she has a boyfriend, he tries to kill him.
"Perfect Castaway": Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland are shipwrecked during a fishing trip and feared dead, prompting Brian to take over as breadwinner for the Griffin household.
"Jungle Love": Chris runs away to South America after getting hazed on his first day of high school. Meanwhile, Peter gets a job at the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery.
"PTV": When a "trouser malfunction" during an awards show leads to the FCC going after anything remotely offensive on TV (like Chrissie's jiggling breasts in a bikini top on Three's Company or Dick Van Dyke's name on The Dick Van Dyke Show, Peter starts his own network filled with all the smut that TV used to allow, and the FCC combats by censoring real life.
"Brian Goes Back to College": Brian re-enrolls in college after getting fired from writing for The New Yorker. Meanwhile, Peter and his friends become The A-Team after winning a costume contest at a TV convention.
"The Courtship of Stewie's Father": Peter and Stewie start spending more time together after Lois feels that Stewie's matricidal drawings are a sign that he needs fatherly attention. Meanwhile, Chris is forced to do chores for Herbert the Elderly Pedophile after breaking one of his windows.
"The Fat Guy Strangler": Lois discovers she has a long-lost brother who's been locked up in the mental hospital for years. Meanwhile, Peter starts a fat advocacy group.
"Brian Sings and Swings": Brian starts singing at clubs with Frank Sinatra Jr. Meanwhile, Meg pretends to be a lesbian so she can make friends.
"Patriot Games": Peter is discovered by Tom Brady and is picked to be on the New England Patriots. Meanwhile, Stewie assaults Brian over payment for a lost bet.
"I Take Thee, Quagmire": Quagmire falls in love and marries Peter's maid that he won on an episode of Wheel of Fortune, but soon regrets it. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to wean himself off Lois's breast milk.
"Sibling Rivalry" Peter gets a vasectomy after a pregnancy scare from Lois, and Lois begins putting on weight after Peter refuses to have sex. Meanwhile, Stewie reunites with Bertram (who was recently born to a lesbian couple via artificial insemination).
"Deep Throats": Brian vows to expose Mayor West for the corrupt man he is after Meg gets an internship with him. Meanwhile Peter and Lois begin smoking pot again after entering a talent show and realizing that their musical ability isn't what it used to be.
"Peterotica": Peter starts writing his own brand of erotic novels in response to reading one that he deemed wasn't erotic. Meanwhile, Lois's father, Carter, goes broke after a driver sues him for a car accident involving an audiobook of Peter's erotic stories.
"You May Now Kiss the...Uh...Guy Who Recieves": Brian fights back against a proposed anti-gay marriage bill (that was created so Mayor West can get people off his back about spending their tax dollars on a gold statue of the Sugar Smacks Frog) so his gay cousin, Jasper, can get married.
"Petergeist": Peter digs up an Indian skull while trying to build a multiplex theater, which causes paranormal activity in the house.
"The Griffin Family History": A home invasion and getting trapped in their panic room prompts Peter to tell three tales of his family history while Meg forces the burglars robbing the Griffin household to rape her.
"Stewie Loves Lois": After Lois saves his teddy bear from a dog, Stewie starts to show affection for his mother. Meanwhile, Peter sues Dr. Hartman for allegedly molesting him — when really he was performing a prostate exam.
"Mother Tucker": Peter's mother starts dating newscaster Tom Tucker while Brian creates his own radio show, which Stewie turns into a raunchy, Howard Stern-esque broadcast.
"Hell Comes to Quahog": Meg gets a job at a WalMart-esque department store, which is shutting down small businesses and making everyone's life miserable.
"Saving Private Brian": While Brian tries to get Chris out of the Army, Stewie signs himself and Brian up and are shipped to Iraq. Meanwhile, Chris joins a band and Peter and Lois think the music Chris is listening to is a bad influence on him.
"Prick Up Your Ears": Lois becomes a sex-ed teacher, but her lessons (which includes a chapter on condom use) get her fired and replaced with a purity-ring program, prompting Meg and her boyfriend for the episode, Doug, to find a new way to be intimate without breaking their vow to stay abstinent until marriage. Meanwhile, a paranoid Stewie sets out to trap the Tooth Fairy.
"Chick Cancer": Peter creates his own chick flick, while Stewie reunites — and marries — his theater partner, Olivia.
"Barely Legal: Meg bonds with Brian after Brian takes her to prom and stands up for her when Connie insults her yet again. Meanwhile, Mayor West sends the police force to South America after believing the events in Romancing the Stone are real, leaving Joe (who can't go to South America since it's not handicap-accessible) to train some new cadets — namely Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Mort.
"Road to Rupert": Brian accidentally sells Stewie's teddy bear and the duo are on the road again to find it. Meanwhile, Peter loses his driver's license — and finds a new appreciation for Meg after she snaps and pummels a driver who insulted her.
"Peter's Two Dads": Peter accidentally kills his father, Francis during Meg's birthday party...until he learns during a hypnosis session that Francis is not his real father. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes masochistic after Lois spanks him.
"The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou": Stewie becomes obsessed with being tan, but when he gets a mole, he fears he might lave cancer. Meanwhile, Peter tries to deal with Chris' bully, but he befriends him and becomes a bully himself.
"Airport '07": Peter becomes a redneck after watching The Blue Collar Comedy Tour, and his git-r-done antics get Quagmire fired from his job as a commercial pilot.
"No Meals on Wheels": Peter starts his own restaurant after finding a rare coin worth thousands of dollars — but must choose between having a failing restaurant or not being "cool" after Joe and his wheelchair-bound friends frequent the place.
"Boys Do Cry": After Stewie is mistaken for being possessed after throwing up the Communion wine at church, the Griffins flee to Texas.
"No Chris Left Behind": Chris gets expelled for being the dumbest kid in school (as per the "No Child Left Behind" Act) and enrolls in Carter Pewterschmidt's alma mater.
"Movin' Out (Brian's Song)": Brian moves into an apartment with Jillian and Stewie tags along to help pay the rent, but when Stewie tells Jillian that Brian thinks she's dumb, Jillian breaks up with Brian.
"Stewie Kills Lois": In the 100th episode, Stewie realizes that he's strayed from his goals of killing his mother, and sets out to do just that, leaving Peter to get framed for murder.
"Lois Kills Stewie": Lois turns up alive after her attempted murder and faces Stewie (who is storming Washington, D.C. to overthrow the government and meets Stan Smith and Avery Bullock from American Dad!) in a final showdown.
"Padre De Familia": Peter launches a crusade against illegal immigrants until he discovers that his mom had Peter while in Mexico (following her affair with Peter's drunken, Irish dad).
"Peter's Daughter" Peter promises to be kinder to Meg after she nearly dies in a flood, but becomes overprotective when she starts dating a young doctor. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian try to renovate an old house.
"McStroke": Peter suffers a stroke after eating one too many hamburgers. Meanwhile, Stewie poses as a high schooler and begins dating Connie D'Amico.
"Back to the Woods": James Woods returns to seek revenge against Peter, by stealing his identity.
"Play It Again, Brian": Peter, Lois and Brian travel to Martha's Vineyard after Brian wins a writing contest, and Brian decides to let his feelings for Lois be known. Meanwhile, Herbert the Pedophile babysits the Griffin kids.
"The Former Life of Brian": Brian visits an old flame (who has become overweight trailer trash) and discovers he has an illegitimate (human) son.
"Long John Peter": Peter becomes a pirate while Chris starts dating a vet intern.
"Love, Blactually": Brian gets some bad dating advice from Stewie and his new date leaves him for Cleveland.
"I Dream of Jesus": Peter gets addicted to the song "Surfin Bird," and befriends Jesus Christ Himself, who works at the record store.
"Road to Germany": Mort accidentally travels to the Nazi invasion of Poland on September 1st, 1939 with Stewie's time machine and Stewie and Brian must save him.
"Baby Not on Board": The Griffins head for the Grand Canyon after Peter is given free gasoline for a year — and Stewie is left home alone to fend for himself.
"The Man with Two Brians": The Griffins decide to get another dog after Brian gets injured from Peter mimicking a stunt from the MTV show, Jackass.
"Tales of a Third Grade Nothing": To become an executive at the brewery, Peter must finish the third grade. Meanwhile, Brian helps Frank Sinatra, Jr. make his nightclub more modern.
"Ocean's Three and a Half": Bonnie finally gives birth and Joe resorts to mob connections and robbery in order to pay off the hospital bill.
"Family Gay": Peter gets a job as a human guinea pig and gets injected with a gene that turns him into a homosexual.
"The Juice is Loose": In this "lost episode," Peter wins a contest where the prize is spending the day with O.J. Simpson — which doesn't sit well with everyone, as they don't believe O.J. is innocent.
"FOX-y Lady": Lois becomes a reporter for Fox News, while Peter creates a cartoon series for FOX.
"Episode 420": Brian pushes for the legalization of marijuana in Quahog after getting arrested for having a bag of weed in his car. Meanwhile, Quagmire's personality changes after adopting a pet cat, which irks Peter.
"Stew-Roids": Stewie gets pumped up (and pumped full of steroids) at the gym after Joe's daughter beats him. Meanwhile, Chris becomes popular in school by dating Connie D'Amico, leaving Connie to be as unpopular as Meg.
"We Love You, Conrad": Brian dates Lauren Conrad, who turns out to be a closeted genius while Brian's old girlfriend, Jillian, is engaged to the perfect man.
"Three Kings": Peter tells three stories based on the works of Stephen King: a Stand By Me parody with kid versions of Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland bonding during a trip to find a dead body, a Misery parody with a cross-dressed Stewie kidnapping Brian after he announces that he's no longer writing kids' books, and a Shawshank Redemption parody with Cleveland as Morgan Freeman's Red and Peter as Andy Dufresne.
"Peter's Progress": A fortuneteller reveals that one of Peter's past lives was the true founder of Quahog.
"Family Goy": During a doctor visit over a cancer scare, Lois discovers that her mom's side of the family is Jewish and hid this bit of information to keep Carter from getting kicked out of his favorite country club. Peter begins embracing his newfound Jewish side, but a visit from his Catholic stepfather (who doesn't tolerate any other religion besides his own) turns Peter anti-Semitic.
"Hannah Banana": Brian and Stewie discover Miley Cyrus's horrible secret while Chris captures the Evil Monkey who lives in his closet, who turns out not to be so evil.
"Quagmire's Baby": Quagmire tries to care for his illegitimate daughter that a one-night stand left on his doorstep.
"Jerome is the Brand New Black": Peter, Quagmire and Joe search for a new fourth friend. Meanwhile, Brian tries to befriend Quagmire, who reveals that he hates him.
"Dog Gone": When Brian confesses to running over a dog, he's appalled to find that no one really cares if a dog dies (or any animal, especially, if it's at the hands of another animal), so he starts an animal-rights crusade.
"Business Guy": After Carter suffers a heart attack, Peter takes over his company while he's in the hospital.
"Big Man on Hippocampus": Peter gets amnesia after getting punched in the face by Richard Dawson while on an episode of Family Feud.
"Dial Meg for Murder": Meg gets sent to prison for harboring a fugitive and comes back looking for some long-awaited payback.
"Extra Large Medium": Peter is convinced he's a psychic while Chris dates a girl with Down syndrome who, despite her disability, turns out to be pushy and abusive.
"Go Stewie Go": Stewie cross-dresses to be on the American version of Jolly Farm Review. Meanwhile, Lois becomes self-conscious of her looks and hits on Meg's newest boyfriend.
"Peter-assment": Peter's boss, Angela, begins sexually harassing him after Peter loses his glasses during a brief stint as a paparazzo, but no one takes him seriously, as they don't think women are capable of sexually harassing men.
"Brian Griffin's House of Payne": Brian's TV pilot for a drama about a single father who goes back to college gets turned into a crass comedy about a hot coed whose father enrolls in college with her. Meanwhile, Chris and Meg try to cover up Stewie's brain injury, a laWeekend at Bernie's.
"April in Quahog": When Channel 5 reports that a black hole is going to swallow the Earth, the town panics and Peter lets out his true feelings about his children. But when the report turns out to be a prank, Peter must make up for his brutal words.
"Brian & Stewie": In this special episode featuring Seth MacFarlane (and only Seth MacFarlane), Brian and Stewie get locked in a bank vault for the weekend and must try to stay sane until Monday, all the while, bonding and learning certain truths about each other.
"Quagmire's Dad": Quagmire's father returns and gets a sex-change operation.
"The Splendid Source": Peter, Quagmire, and Joe search the world for the source of all dirty jokes.
"Partial Terms of Endearment": In the series' second banned episode (which, outside of some overseas TV airings and a domestic DVD release, has not aired — and probably never will air — on American TV), Lois becomes a surrogate mother for her old college friend, but when her friend dies, Lois must decide if she should abort the pregnancy.
This is the first season to be produced and aired in high-definition and widescreen.
"And Then There Were Fewer": The Griffins and several Family Guy ancillary characters solve a murder mystery in James Woods' mansion.
"Excellence in Broadcasting": Brian becomes a hardcore Republican after Rush Limbaugh convinces Brian to read his latest book to actually understand the right wing's beliefs instead of blindly bashing them.
"Halloween on Spooner Street": A Halloween episode with many subplots: Peter and Joe's prank war on Quagmire may be their undoing when Quagmire reveals that he had an ancestor who was a kamikaze during World War II and has a Zero plane to prove it, Stewie and Brian get back at the kids who stole Stewie's candy and spraypainted Brian pink, and Meg and Chris go to a Halloween party — and end up making out with each other in the closet.
"Road to the North Pole": In this special one-hour Christmas Special, Stewie and Brian head for the North Pole in search of Santa Claus — and discover that the yearly grind of Christmas is turning the North Pole into a hellhole.
"New Kidney in Town: Peter needs a kidney transplant after creating a homemade version of Red Bull made of kerosene, and Brian offers one of his. Meanwhile, Chris plagiarizes Meg's speech for an upcoming assembly for Barack Obama.
"And I'm Joyce Kinney": Lois becomes pals with the new newscaster, Joyce Kinney, who reveals that Lois starred in an adult film to pay for college as revenge for what Lois did to Joyce in high school.
"Friends of Peter G.": Peter and Brian are sentenced to attend Alcoholics Anonymous, and turn it into a place where alcoholics can safely drink without anyone knowing that they're off the wagon, but a car crash prompts a visit from Death, who shows Peter what life is like if he becomes a raging drunk and if he goes sober and stays sober.
"German Guy": Chris makes friends with an old puppeteer from Germany, but Herbert discovers that the man was a Nazi he fought during World War II.
"The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair": Meg becomes dangerously obsessed with Joe (just like she did with Brian the dog in "Barely Legal"). Meanwhile Stewie creates an evil clone of himself.
"Trading Places": Peter and Lois trade places with Chris and Meg after the two argue over who has it tougher.
"Tiegs for Two" Brian and Quagmire's hatred for each other heats up when Quagmire dates Brian's ex-girlfriend, Jillian, while Brian dates Quagmire's lost love, Cheryl Tiegs.
"Lottery Fever": Lois announces to the family that they should start sticking with a budget — just as Peter comes in with a buttload of lottery tickets, one of which turns the lower-middle-class Griffins into multi-millionaires.
"Seahorse Seashell Party": In part two of the Night of the Hurricane trilogy crossover, the hurricane that blew through Stoolbend, Virginia, heads for Quahog, Rhode Island. While Brian rides out the storm by doing magic mushrooms (and going on a nightmarish trip), Meg Griffin finally calls out her family for treating her like crap — until she learns that her role as the Butt Monkey is the only thing keeping them together.
"Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q.": In this very dramatic episode, Quagmire's sister (now referred to as "Brenda" instead of "Harriet" and voiced by Kaitlin Olson from FX's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Comedy Central's Brickleberrynote at least for season one. Natasha Leggero replaced Kaitlin Olson on the show) and her abusive boyfriend (last seen in "Jerome Is The New Black") return to Quahog after Quagmire ends up in the hospital for nearly dying of autoerotic asphyxiation, but Brenda's the one in danger when her boyfriend's abuse escalates and Quagmire convinces Joe and Peter to stop him once and for all.
"Stewie Goes for a Drive": Stewie takes Brian's car for a joyride and crashes it, causing him to run away fearing Brian will tell his parents.
"Back to the Pilot": Stewie and Brian travel back in time to the first episode ("Death Has a Shadow") and accidentally change the present for the worse.
"Thanksgiving": Joe's son (who supposedly died during the Iraq War) returns, revealing that he deserted his troops because he didn't want to fight anymore, prompting everyone to discuss the ethics behind the Iraq invasion.
"Amish Guy": On they way back from a trip to Ohio, the Griffins' car breaks down, and they stay at an Amish village. There, Meg falls in love with an Amish boy named Eli, but his father forbids him to be with her, prompting Peter to declare war.
"Cool Hand Peter": Peter and the guys take a trip down South and wind up in jail.
"Grumpy Old Man": When Carter falls asleep at the wheel and crashes his car, Lois and Peter decide to put Carter and Babs in a retirement home.
"Meg and Quagmire": Meg turns 18 and Quagmire makes his move, prompting the usually abusive members of the Griffin family to fight for their daughter.
"The Blind Side": Brian dates a blind woman who hates dogs, but doesn't know that Brian is one.
"Livin' On a Prayer": Lois kidnaps a child from his Christian Scientist parents (who don't believe in using doctors to heal the sick) so she can give him some needed medical treatment.
"Mr. & Mrs. Stewie": Stewie meets a preschool-aged girl who may be just as evil as he is, while Lois gets separate beds after suffering a back injury from Peter sleeping on her, and Peter decides to cuddle with Quagmire after being unable to adjust to Sleeping Single.
"Leggo My Meg-O": Brian and Stewie go to France when they hear that Meg has been kidnapped and will be sold as a sex slave.
"Tea Peter": After his home business gets shut down by the government, Peter joins the Tea Party and gets the town government disbanded, which causes everything to descend into chaos.
"Chap of the Manor": A British version of Family Guy
"Fatman and Robin": Peter gets the power to turn everyone he touches into Robin Williams
"Point of Stew": What life is like through Stewie's eyes.
"Internal Affairs": In this follow-up to "Foreign Affairs", Peter and Quagmire convince Joe to cheat on Bonnie.
"Into Fat Air": After a disastrous dinner with Lois' old boyfriend and his family, the Griffins decide to compete with the family by climbing Mount Everest.
"Ratings Guy": The Griffins become a Nielsen family note (for overseas viewers, a "Nielsen family" is a family chosen by Nielsen Media Group to measure how many people watch certain TV shows), which Peter sees as an opportunity to make TV more entertaining (for him, not anyone else).
"The Old Man and the Big 'C'": Brian and Stewie discover that Carter's pharmaceutical company has the cure for cancer and has been withholding it from the public to reap the profits from medical treatments.
"Yug Ylimaf": In the 200th episode, Stewie's broken time machine causes time to go backwards, and if Stewie and Brian don't stop it, then Stewie will end up back in his mother's womb.
"Joe's Revenge": When a known criminal is finally arrested after years of being on the run, Joe confesses to Peter and Quagmire that the former fugitive was actually the man who shot him (and that his story of how he fell off the roof during his fight with The Grinch as seen in "A Hero Sits Next Door" was a lie). But when the fugitive goes on the run again, Joe, Peter, and Quagmire team up to nab him again.
"Lois Comes Out of Her Shell": Lois has a midlife crisis after Peter calls attention to her age in a birthday poem and her ensuing shenanigans drive Peter nuts, while Stewie's new pet turtle is out to kill him.
"Friends Without Benefits": Meg is devastated to find that her crush, Kent, is gay, but when she discovers that Kent's has a crush on her brother, Chris, she does whatever she can to get the two together.
"Jesus, Mary & Joseph!": Peter tells his own version of the Nativity story after Meg finds a birth of Jesus ornament while decorating the tree.
"Space Cadet": While the Griffins pick up Chris from space camp (who was sent their to boost his low self-esteem), they're accidentally launched into space (thanks to Stewie pushing the big red launch button) and it's up to Chris to get them back down to Earth.
"Brian's Play": Brian's newest play becomes a hit it Quahog, but when he reads a new manuscript Stewie wrote, he gets jealous and it puts a strain on their friendship.
"The Giggity Wife": On a drunken trip to Havard University, Quagmire wakes up and finds that he's married to a prostitute who wants to give up the street life and become a wife.
"Valentine's Day in Quahog": An animated parody of the vignette-packed movie, Valentine's Day, showing what February 14th is like for everyone in Quahog: Meg dates a teenaged organ harvester, Peter and Lois have a romantic day in bed, Brian's ex-girlfriends (including Seabreeze the dog and Quagmire's transgendered father, Ida) point out everything that's wrong with him, Quagmire gets electrocuted and learns what it's like to be a woman, Stewie goes back in time and falls for a baby girl who turns out to be Lois, and Herbert the pedophile's grand-niece falls for Chris, and uses her grand-uncle to win him over.
"Chris Cross": Chris is blackmailed by Meg after Meg catches him stealing from Lois' purse, but when the demands to keep the secret a secret go too far, Chris moves out of the Griffin house — and in with Herbert the pedophile.
"Call Girl": Lois gets a job as a phone sex operator — and Peter finds himself falling for her voice.
"Turban Cowboy": Peter gets into skydiving, but an accident lands him in the hospital, where Peter befriends a Muslim man who wants Peter to convert as part of a terrorist plot.note now a Banned Episode following the Boston Marathon attack in April 2013. It's currently unknown whether or not this episode will be included in syndicated reruns on [adult swim] or included on DVD
"12 and a Half Angry Men": Mayor West is put on trial and only Brian (who, ironically, tried to out him for corruption in "Deep Throats") can save him from jail in this parody of 12 Angry Men.
"Bigfat": Quagmire, Joe, and Peter head off to Canada to see the wonders of Canadian strip clubs, but the plane crashes and leaves them stranded in the woods for two months. When everyone is rescued, however, Peter becomes feral and his family must help him get acclimated to modern society
"Total Recall": Brian and Stewie set out to save Stewie's teddy bear from being recalled. Meanwhile, Peter purposely makes himself sick after Lois gets turned on by Peter's raspy voice he gets whenever he's ill.
"Save the Clam": The owner of The Drunken Clam is killed, and it is up to Peter and the gang to try and stop the Clam from being shut down by the bank. Meanwhile, Meg gets a job at a funeral home.
"Farmer Guy": The Griffins move out of Quahog after the town's crime rate skyrockets, and move into a farm with a meth lab in the basement.
"Roads to Vegas": In yet another "Road to..." episode, Brian and Stewie head off to Vegas, but they use the teleporting machine, which malfunctions and creates two clones of themselves.
"No Country Club for Old Men": After Peter loses during his audition for America's Got Talent, Chris befriends a girl on the plane ride home who turns out to be the daughter of one of the richest families in Rhode Island.
"Vestigial Peter": Peter discovers a vestigial twin growing out of his neck, who is cheerier and more optimistic than Peter has ever been.
"Quagmire's Quagmire": While returning his new laptop, Quagmire falls for a woman who is just as sex-crazed as he is, but gets more than he bargained for when he gets kidnapped to be her sex slave. Meanwhile, Stewie finds his old teddy bear Oscar and gets involved in a bizarre love triangle between Oscar and Rupert.
"A Fistful of Meg": Meg fears for her life when she earns the wrath of a new bully notorious for being unhinged. Meanwhile, Brian fights back against Peter harassing him in the nude.
"Bobba-Dee Babba-Dee": The Griffins travel to Italy, but they soon have to face the country's immigration laws after Peter enjoys the country so much that he destroys their passports.
"Life of Brian": Stewie decides to destroy his time machine after a disastrous trip to 17th century Jamestown, but because Stewie gave guns to the Native Americans, the U.S. is now populated by Indians. After that, Brian gets run over and dies, so the Griffins get a new dog named Vinnie.
"Into Harmony's Way": Peter and Quagmire form a singing/songwriting team.
"Christmas Guy": In the show's fourth Christmas Episode, Carter is branded a Scrooge when he cancels his annual Christmas carnival, so Peter tries to teach him the holiday spirit.
Unaired Episodes for Season 12
"3 Acts of God": TBA (a possible Three Shorts episode).
"Grimm Job": A Three Shorts episode depicting the Griffins as fairy tale characters.
"He's Bla-ack!": Now that The Cleveland Show has been canceled (though the episode will come up with its own in-show excuse as to why Cleveland is moving out of Stoolbend), Cleveland moves back to Quahog, and takes his family with him. But when Lois and Donna have a fight and forbid their husbands from being friends, Peter and Cleveland must set things right between the two.
Brian's a Bad Father: TBA, though it sounds like it could be a follow-up to "The Former Life of Brian".
Chap Stewie: TBA
Brian the Closer: TBA
Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story: After a near-death experience, Stewie vows to be nicer, but when that doesn't work, he gets drunk — and when that goes wrong, he goes on a quest to track down a man he saw on a news report who may be his biological father. Meanwhile, Peter gets a job as a local news editorial anchor, then loses his job and (with help from Lois) grooms his children to be ready for the dating world.