: November 22, 2009
Peter, Joe, and Quagmire are upset that Cleveland left for Virginia
, and decide to find a new friend. Brian tries to get into their group, but Peter tells him that it might not be a good idea, stating that Quagmire does not like Brian.
The three wind up finding Jerome, another bar patron who is good at darts. Peter tries to introduce Jerome to Lois, but the two instantly recognize each other. Lois explains that she and Jerome dated years ago. Peter becomes very angry at this revelation, and one night after getting drunk, he throws a bottle in his house, causing a fire. Lois asks an upset Jerome to live with her and Peter for a while.
However, Peter winds up remaining jealous, and eventually can't contain his anger anymore. He winds up dressing like what he thinks is a ghost to scare Jerome out (although his choice of dress makes him look like a member of the KKK). Jerome winds up leaving the house. Lois is very upset at Peter, and revealed that Jerome gave Peter a present. Peter goes to the bar and apologizes. The two make up (and Peter reacts with indifference when Jerome reveals that he slept with Meg).
Meanwhile, Brian tries to find out what makes Quagmire hate him. However, this does not go well. Brian mistakes Quagmire's sister (who is being abused by her boyfriend) for his date. Brian winds up tricking Quagmire into going out to dinner with him by addressing a letter as Quagmire's long lost love, Cheryl Tiegs. After Quagmire breaks down learning that it was not Cheryl Tiegs, the dinner is quite awkward. Brian tries to make small talk, yet eventually gets to the chase, asking Quagmire why he does not like him. How does Quagmire respond?
Quagmire then takes a minute and a half essentially stating that Brian is an egotistical, hypocritical, dishonest, preachy Jerk Ass
who can't write, is a horrible father to the kid he only met once, freeloads off the people who care about him, pushes his liberal agenda on those who don't believe it, can't hold on to a girlfriend, only goes after bimbosnote
, and is a boring drunk. Brian is stunned by this revelation, and walks home depressed. At home, Stewie tells Brian that all he needs to do is love himself, and lets him sleep in his room.
"Jerome Is The New Black" contains examples of (Ymmv goes here) :
- The Ace: Jerome
- At Least I Admit It: Quagmire.
- Cerebus Retcon: Quagmire reveals that his womanizing and near-rapist behavior is the end result of losing his one true love, Cheryl Tiegs. A lot of past episodes, such as "Emission Impossible" and "The Perfect Castaway" did have Quagmire allude to Cheryl Tiegs, but before this point, the viewer thinks that Tiegs could be Quagmire's Celebrity Crush.
- Continuity Nod: Jerome calls Lois by the nickname "Loose Lois", which was previously mentioned in "Road to Europe" (and was her nickname when she had sex with all four members of KISS).
- Quagmire mentions in his speech some events from past episodes including "The Former Life of Brian" (the son that Brian doesn't care for or see), "Play It Again Brian" (Brian betraying Peter by hitting on Lois), Brian being a bad writer ("Movin' Out [Brian's Song]" and "Episode 420"), "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven" (pushing his Hollywood atheism on others), and "Episode 420" (his failed campaign to legalize marijuana).
- Cowboy Bebop at His Computer: Some cable guides have the plot down as Quagmire being antagonistic around Jerome, when really it's Peter who's jealous of Jerome, since he was one of Lois' many lovers back when she was a sexually promiscuous party girl. Quagmire's anger in this episode is centered on Brian.
- Domestic Abuse: This episode reveals that Quagmire has a sister who's being abused by her boyfriend, which gets touched on in more dramatic detail in season 10's "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q."
- House Fire: In a fit of jealousy, Peter throws a projectile through the window of Jerome's house, knocking over a lamp and starting a fire. Fortunately, Jerome is able to escape unharmed, but the house burns to the ground.
- Hypocritical Humor: Quagmire calling out Brian for dating bimbos during his tirade, with Quagmire stating that he does the same thing, but (a) he's more honest with himself about it than Brian is, and (b) Quagmire doesn't put up a pseudo-intellectual front about it.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Unlike most of his other Jerk Ass antics, Peter genuinely feels bad about what he did to Jerome.
- Pet the Dog: Stewie letting Brian sleep in his room after his disastrous dinner with Quagmire.
- Precision F-Strike: After Quagmire finishes his speech.
Quagmire: Well, see you around, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Quagmire's famous tirade on why Brian is a bad person/ See Wham Speech below.
- Self-Deprecation and Mind Screw: Seth MacFarlane essentially tells one of his author avatars (Brian, who is Seth's author avatar in terms of his stance on religion, marijuana, alcohol, and liberal politics. Peter is also MacFarlane's Author Avatar, but only when it comes to 1970s and 1980s pop culture) off for a minute and a half.
- Somebody Doesn't Love Raymond: Brian tries to be friends with Quagmire and fails.
- Wham Speech: These two simple lines that turn into an epic Take That against a character that went from sane man to Soapbox Sadie much to the irritation of fans (especially after viewer complaints from "Episode 420" and "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven.")
Brian: How come you don't like me?
Quagmire: Alright. I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You always say [mocks Brian] "Ooh, I'll get you later", but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much. He's you! God, you're pretentious. And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I should've known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would've known there's no "a" in the word "definite". And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should [mocks again] "legalize pot, man", how big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have you done to help? I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian. Never seen you down there. You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait. You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter because [mocks again] "religion is for idiots". Well, who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that—all of it—if you weren't such a bore. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore! [sighs, puts his napkin on the table, and sets to leave] I'll see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.