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Arson Murder And Jaywalking: Mythology
  • In one text on Greek Mythology, Sisyphus's crimes are listed as (paraphrased) "Murder, ravishing of young girls, attempting to cheat death, hubris, and accusing Zeus of having an affair." The kicker? Zeus was having an affair. Zeus is always having an affair. He was just mad Sisyphus snitched.
  • The Egyptian god Shezmu is the demonic god of execution, slaughter, blood, oil, wine, and . . . perfume.
  • The Greek Goddess Athena is Goddess of Knowledge, Defensive War....and handicrafts.
    • Arachne found out the hard way that you do not challenge Athena's prowess in handicrafts if you want to stay alive with dignity.
  • The final king of the Shang Dynasty, posthumously renamed "King Horse Crupper," was a quick-witted and foul-tempered tyrant who allegedly was powerful enough to hunt and kill wild animals with his bare hands. Although he was possessed of a sharp mind, he disdained politics and competent governance in favor of indulging in his favorite hobbies of sex, drunkenness, depraved debauchery, torturing morally upstanding officials for offending him, torturing people For the Evulz, composing songs with offensively erotic lyrics and, singing them offkey.

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