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Kaz: Do you know what Van Eck's problem is?
Matthias: No honor?
Nina: Rotten parenting skills?
Jesper: Receding hairline?
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking in Literature.
  • 1Q84:
    • The three things Aomame hates the most are abusive men, religious fanaticism, and constipation.
    • Tamaru describes his gripes with the 20th century as being the Holocaust, the atom bomb, and modern classical music.
  • Harlan Ellison's autobiographical essay The 3 Most Important Things in Life lists them as Sex, Violence and Labor Relations, the third being the most famous story of the three.
  • There's this gem from 1636: The Ottoman Onslaught:
    "There was a part of his brain-he thought of it as the part labeled "raised on too many up-time anxieties and touchie-feelie TV talk shows"-that kept shrilling at him: "Bad parent! Bad parent! Your children will grow up to be drug addicts, derelicts, serial murderers and hedge fund managers!"
  • In The Adventures Of Tom Stranger Interdimensional Insurance Agent, the Balrog threatens to cast Tom Stranger's rival insurance agent Jeff Conundrum into the 7th circle of his hell dimension, reserved for murders...and the Fox executives who cancelled Firefly (side note: the author seems to be a big fan of the show and even has a dimension where Adam Baldwin got elected President because the show was never cancelled in that universe and it became a libertarian utopia; another side note: the audiobook is read by Adam Baldwin).
  • Alan Alone: When Alan's parents reveal to Miss Tijah that Alan's body contains technology which gives him extra durability among other things, explaining why Alan didn't notice that he stepped in hot oil, Miss Tijah concludes with that being the reason why Alan loudly stomps when he goes down the stairs each morning.
  • Stephen Colbert in his book America Again ranting about how America is broken.
    "Look around — we don’t make anything anymore, we’ve mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders. Worse, the L.A. Four Seasons Hotel doesn’t even have a dedicated phone button for the Spa. You have to dial an extension! Where did we lose our way?!"
  • At the beginning of American Psycho, where a character reads a newspaper: "In one issue... in one issue... let's see here... strangled models, babies thrown from tenement rooftops, kids killed in the subway, a Communist rally, Mafia boss wiped out, Nazis, baseball players with AIDS, more Mafia shit, gridlock, the homeless, various maniacs, faggots dropping like flies in the streets, surrogate mothers, the cancellation of a soap opera..."
  • From the blurb of And Another Thing...: 'Arthur Dent has been blown up, reassembled, cruelly imprisoned, horribly released and colourfully insulted more than is strictly necessary.'
  • Angela Nicely: In “The Ugly Sisters!”, Angela says that Bertie has probably eaten some bad things, like mud, slugs, snails, or… school rice pudding.
  • Animorphs:
    • In the book Visser the charges against the former Visser One are read during her trial, followed by the different forms of death penalty associated with each crime. It ends almost incongruously with "... treason by murder of subordinate Yeerks, which carries a sentence of exile to punishment duty."
    • At the end of the series, the new Visser One is put on trial in The Hague for crimes including mass murder, mass torture, plotting to overthrow all the world governments, and performing medical experiments on humans without their permission.
  • Arly Hanks:
    • Subverted In Maggody and the Moonbeams. Arly states that she avoids arguing with people armed with shotguns, rifles, handguns, crossbows, or even spatulas. The spatula seems like the trivial entry in the list ... until readers recall that the chief spatula-wielder in Arly's life is her mother, who runs a bar & grill. And is not lightly to be argued with, if Arly wants to live on something besides canned soup that day.
    • Straight example from Mischief in Maggody, from a teen bluntly told to leave by a (fake) psychic:
      Carol Alice: Do you think she saw something terrible about me in the sand? Like I was going to die tomorrow or get hit by a chicken truck or flunk out or get thrown off the cheerleading squad?
  • A piece of background text in the first Artemis Fowl book states that Fowl Manor has survived "war, civil unrest and several tax audits".
    • Speaking of Eoin Colfer, the backcover of his hardboiled novel "Plugged" announces (only(?) in the German version) "murder, corruption and hair loss."
  • In Carl Hiaasen's book Assume the Worst, he writes:
    I'd begin with a raw appraisal of the real world: It's pretty fucked up. It was pretty fucked up when I graduated, too, but not this bad. Our vernacular contained no such terms as "active shooter," "ISIS-inspired" or "viral cat video."
  • During a chase sequence in Book 7 of the Aubrey-Maturin series, Captain Jack Aubrey promises his men: "The lookout that first sights the cat shall have ten guineas and remission of sins, short of mutiny, sodomy, or damaging the paintwork."
  • Audrey, Wait! has this (part of a) list for breaking up with Evan:
    1) He smokes too much pot.
    2) He's always "practicing" or "gigging"
    3) He says "gigging"
  • When Tyler of A Bad Day for Voodoo tries to chase after his stolen car which has the voodoo doll of himself in it, he curses: "S-word, f-word, s-word, d-word, s-word times three, f-word, and a z-word that [he] made up on the spot".
  • In Dan Gutman's novel Back In Time With Thomas Edison, one of the characters, Ashley Quadrel, is arrested in 1879 for trying to pass off counterfeit money. When arguing his case - that he's a time traveler from the future, and that he's carrying real, 21st century cash - he quips, "I know what's going to happen! There's going to be a World War in 1914, and another one in 1939. There are going to be nuclear weapons that can destroy entire cities. There's going to be a new kind of music called rock and roll!"
  • In Caliphate when the pedophiliac, omnicidal mad scientist Meara realizes the heroes are coming after him, he thinks:
They'll put me in prison. I'll be beaten . . . people will be mean to me!
  • Mundane occurrences are often listed after exciting ones in Candide: or, Optimism. It fits particularly well due to the dry and dispassionate tone of the narrative. After the titular character slays the Jew, who was a joint owner of Cunegonde (Candide's love interest), the Inquisitor, the other joint owner, sees this upon entering: "Entering, he discovered the whipped Candide, with his drawn sword in his hand, a dead body stretched on the floor, Cunegonde frightened out of her wits, and the old woman giving advice."
    • The unfortunate people sentenced to Public Execution in Lisbon after the earthquake: "a Biscayan for marrying his godmother"; "two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of a larded pullet they were eating"; and "Dr. Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, and the other for seeming to approve what he had said."
  • In George and Harold's Captain Underpants comics, when the Monster of the Week begins its rampage, a kid will cry for help and name two things the monster just did. An adult will voice concern over the less dramatic one. The "more dramatic one" will always be "attacking the gym teacher".
    Kid: Help! The Inedible Hunk just ate fifteen folding chairs and now he's attacking the gym teacher!
    Principal: Oh no! Not folding chairs!
  • In Catch-22, Clevinger is tried for "breaking ranks while in formation, felonious assault, indiscriminate behavior, high treason, provoking, being a smart guy, listening to classical music, and so on."
  • Stephen Manes' Chicken Trek:
    Oscar: But she still has to get around to the places. She has to drive just like we do.
    Dr. Peter Prechtwinkle: That remains to be seen. That woman will stop at nothing! She might hire a chauffeur so she can keep going all night long. She might rent a helicopter. With her evil powers, she might ride around on a jet-powered broomstick. For all I know, she might even drive over the speed limit!
  • In Bob Dylan's autobiography "Chronicles: Volume One", he describes a guy named Billy the Butcher who used to play at one of the same cafes as Dylan in the early '60s, and always played the same song, "High Heel Sneakers".
    The Butcher wore an overcoat that was too small for him, buttoned tight across the chest. He was jittery and sometime in the past he'd been in a straitjacket in Bellevue, also had burned a mattress in a jail cell. All kinds of bad things had happened to Billy. There was a fire between him and everybody else. He sang that one song pretty good, though.
  • Clue: In Booby-Trapped!, the chapter "The Scarlet Key" has Mr. Boddy about ready to leave for a conference on Zillionaire Island, when he gets a call from the chairman informing him the conference has been delayed for a week because "a tornado, a hurricane, a monsoon, a blizzard, a tidal wave, and an earthquake have all struck the island at once. Also, I have a sore throat."
  • Played charmingly straight in Gerald Verner's 1938 mystery novella The Clue Of The Green Candle:
    Trevor Lowe: "You are going to stand your trial, Sheldon, for two murders, an attempt to poison me, and falsifying the Council's town planning scheme."
  • David Simon, in The Corner, spends over 400 pages chronicling the horrific conditions children in West Baltimore have to put up with. He then offers this observation during a playground football game: "Disadvantaged in so many ways, [children of West Baltimore] are at a further loss for having grown up Coltless."
  • In Crown of Slaves, the reasons for Jessica Stein's being "off" are given as being too quick at judging the political value of respects paid, too punctual in brushing well-wishers off, too fawning of bad witticisms and having front teeth that are too big. Or wearing high-heeled sandals to the funeral.
  • In Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon, we learn that much of Qwghlm Castle has been burned down over the centuries "by a combination of Barbary corsairs, lightning bolts, Napoleon, and smoking in bed."
  • Dave Barry Slept Here describes the years between 1963 and 1968 as "A Long String of Bummers," starting with President John F. Kennedy's assassination, followed by the election of goofy-looking President Lyndon Johnson, the Vietnam War and its associated controversies, more assassinations and riots, and Gilligan's Island being canceled. The same book describes The Great Depression as "an era of unemployment, poverty, social turmoil, despair, and—worst of all—Shirley Temple movies." Serious problems of the 1980s include "the AIDS epidemic, the Greenhouse Effect, the trade imbalance, drugs, illiteracy, Geraldo Rivera getting his own TV show, and so on."
  • In Neal Stephenson's The Diamond Age, there is a scene describing a fresco portraying previous generations that had to live in a world without nanotechnology. They're said to have had to put up with things like cancer, pogroms, ethnic cleansing, etc., as well as running with scissors and... heating a cold house with charcoal briquets. Which makes this a subversion, since that last one is also deadly.
  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid:
    • Greg's opinion on his mom's anti-technology views in Old School.
      But if Mom had HER way, we'd be living like people did before there were computers and cell phones and baby wipes.
    • The Deep End: Greg lists three great inventions in the modern era: medicine, smartwatches, and peanut butter-filled pretzels.
    • Rodrick's bandmates are all angry with him near the end of the book: Bill is mad at him for making him break up with Becky and showing No Sympathy to his heartbreak, Mackie's fed up with Rodrick's poor practice scheduling, and Drew's upset... because Bill and Becky's break-up means that there will be no free donuts for them anymore.
  • From Christopher Moore's A Dirty Job, as the creatures of the underworld are starting to move:
    "And there were hundreds of singular events experienced by individuals: creatures moving in the shadows, voices and screams from the sewer grates, milk souring, cats scratching owners, dogs howling, and a thousand people woke up to find that they no longer cared for the taste of chocolate."
  • Discworld:
    • In Men at Arms, Nobby finds a Klatchian Fire Engine, which is banned by three religions. A footnote adds that five more religions have embraced it as a holy weapon to be used on infidels, heretics, gnostics, and people who fidget during sermons.
    • In Interesting Times, "Teach" Saveloy introduces Cohen the Barbarian thusly: "Doer of mighty deeds. Slayer of dragons. Ravager of cities. He once bought an apple." Though actually buying an apple instead of stealing it is quite an accomplishment for a member of the Silver Horde.
    • Soul Music describes the influence of Music With Rocks In It thusly: "It made you want to kick down walls and ascend the sky on steps of fire. It made you want to pull all the switches and throw all the levers and stick your fingers in the electric socket of the Universe to see what happened next. It made you want to paint your bedroom wall black and cover it with posters."
    • In The Fifth Elephant, Vimes is irritated by his excessively long list of titles (including both Sir and Duke, which is redundant) and jokingly adds blackboard monitor to the end of them. The dwarf he's talking to describes the task of erasing words so new ones can be written as an important responsibility only given to the trusted, and Vimes later learns was not humoring him. To some dwarves this is indeed a position worthy of recognition, while others consider erasing words at all a sin and use the title completely seriously and with venom.
    • In Going Postal, Moist is tested by the Order of the Post to see if he's worthy of becoming the new Postmaster. Moist rhetorically wonders "What's the worst that could happen?", Mr. Groat explains, "The worst that could happen is you lose all your fingers on one hand, are crippled for life, and break half the bones in your body. Oh, and then they don't let you join."
    • Awfully Wee Billy's description of the kelda's prophetic dreams in Wintersmith: "She saw a green tree growing in a land o' ice! She saw a ring o' iron! She saw a man with a nail in his heart! She saw a plague o' chickens and a cheese that walks like a man!"
    • In Making Money Cosmo Lavish says Moist Von Lipwig is "a cheat and a liar, an embezzler, and [has] no dress sense whatsoever." Moist replies: "I happen to think I dress rather snappily!"
    • Unseen Academicals has Glenda realizing that the romance novels she voraciously reads are actually rather dull and formulaic: "It's absolutely guaranteed that, for example, an exciting civil war or an invasion by trolls or even a scene with any cooking in it is not going to happen."
    • Night Watch Discworld has "Truth! Justice! Freedom! Reasonably-priced love! And a hard boiled egg."
    • The Going Postal movie tagline: A Tale of Love and Revenge... and Stamps.
  • The narrator of The Divine Comedy asks the audience to imagine his amazement at seeing the divine, the eternal, and the good in the Heavenly Rose after coming from mere humanity, mortality, and Florence. Yeah, Florence is as far away from "a sane and just people" as a human is from the infinity of God.
  • From The Dresden Files:
    Black wizards don't just grow up like toadstools, you know. Someone has to teach them complicated things like summoning demons, ritual magic, and clichéd villain dialogue.
  • From Dune: In Fremen society, when a man defeats another man in combat he receives that man's wife, home, and coffee set.
  • The Elenium: Darestim is universally fatal, but is also known to cause sterility. A bit of Fridge Logic: How would they even know it causes sterility if the patients are dead in the first place?
  • In the second Esther Diamond, Dopplegangster, Esther screams at the Big Bad for his various horrible deeds while hitting him, ending with the fact he nearly ruined her audition. To be fair, she's an actress and that was pretty important for her.
  • Even Cowgirls Get The Blues is described as touching on "various topics, including free love, drug use, birds, political rebellion, animal rights, body odor, religion, and yams."
  • In Expect Resistance, Crimeth Inc.'s field manual, on the topic of War or Revolution:
    "Even if we could kill every last rapist, C.E.O., head of state, police officer, and every housemate who won't do the dishes, that violence would remain in the world..."
  • In the first Franny K. Stein book, Lunch Walks Among Us, three children have a different opinion on what is needed when the Pumpkin-Crab Monster is going on a rampage.
    "We need a fireman", one girl said.
    "We need a superhero", one boy said.
    "We need dry pants", said you-know-who.note 
  • Ghost Roads: In Angel of the Overpass, Rose insults Bobby (who is a murderer and arsonist) by saying he's a coward and a bully, and that his movies weren't that good, he was just wearing very tight pants.
  • The Goddamn Bible, by Shawn Taylor:
    WARNING: Contains actual content from the Bible, including verses on incest, child murder, rape, bestiality and talking animals.
  • In cartoonist Roz Chast's book Going Into Town: A Love Letter to New York, she describes her fears when her family moved from New York City to the suburbs: "Would we become philistines? Zombies??? ...Republicans???
  • The Gone series has this. Drake burns frogs, microwaves a puppy, and draws pictures of weapons.
  • In Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's Good Omens, begins a section with a list of phenomena commonly thought to be caused by demonic influence: such as "wars, plagues, [and] sudden audits". It shows the demons are just as much behind the banal evils as the calamities people tend to blame them on.
    • There's also a mention of how people aren't inherently evil, they just get attracted to new ideas, such as dressing up in sheets and lynching people, or dressing up in jackboots and shooting people, or dressing up in tie-dye jeans and playing guitars at people.
  • Gravity Falls:
  • Simon Braund's The Greatest Movies You'll Never See: From the "Not Coming Soon" appendix, about the various failed attempts to film an adaptation of A Confederacy of Dunces:
    "Look at the statistics: John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley (actors attached to the project)— dead; Natasha Lyonne (actress attached to the project)— Lohan-esque career derailment; New Orleans (city attached to the project)— decimated by Hurricane Katrina; Jo Beth Bolton (Louisiana Film Commissioner attached to the project)— murdered; Will Ferrell (actor attached to the project)— made Blades of Glory (2007) instead."
  • Gulliver's Travels:
    • The third chapter is titled, "Part III: A Voyage to Laputa, Balnibarbi, Luggnagg, Glubbdubdrib and Japan". (Of course, the society and culture of Japan was still mostly unknown to Swift's target audience.)
    • Gulliver gives a Long List of various evil things and people that were absent in the country of the Houyhnhnms. After listing "gibers, censurers, backbiters, pickpockets, highwaymen, housebreakers" and "dungeon, axes, gibbets, whipping-posts, or pillories" among other things, he ends with "dancing-masters".
  • In Han Solo at Stars' End when infiltrating a base the droid he is working with hacks a computer and fakes an alarm. Upon being told that, because the computers of the base are all interconnected, he can do it anywhere on base, Solo tells him to sound every alarm he can "fires in the power plants, riots in the barracks, indecent exposure in the cafeteria".
  • Harry Potter:
    • Gilderoy Lockhart: "Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award." And he thinks that last one is his greatest achievement (it actually is), which makes Harry's detention in that book all the funnier. "Thought you'd make an entrance, didn't you? Well, it's not quite the Most Charming Smile Award, but it's a start, Harry, it's a start!"
    • During the first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson our heroes take from not-Moody in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, he says this as part of his speech about preparedness:
      "You need to be prepared. You need to be alert and watchful. You need to put that away, Miss Brown, when I'm talking."
      Lavender jumped and blushed. She had been showing Parvati her completed horoscope under the desk.
    • During the Ministry's smear campaign against Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, he joked that he didn't care that they strip him of all his awards and honors, unless they take away his Chocolate Frog Card.
    • Another example comes from Order of the Phoenix on a sign at St. Mungo's Hospital. The Plant and Potion Poisoning department deals with "Rashes, Regurgitation, Uncontrollable Giggling, Etc." Then subverted by the end of the same book, when Ron's encounter with uncontrollable giggling is what nearly gets him killed.
    • Luna Lovegood believes that Aurors are part of the "Rotfang Conspiracy" and try to bring down the Ministry of Magic by using "a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease".
    • At the beginning of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, there's a nice example of an inversion: "Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of the year. For another, he really wanted to do his homework, but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night. And he also happened to be a wizard."
    • It's noted that Voldemort's unsupported flight is illegal under wizarding law. When you're the Chief Death Eater, responsible for numerous murders and umpteen other crimes besides...
  • Robert Anton Wilson, in The Historical Illuminatus!: The Widow's Son, discusses the reasons why the Marquisde Sade was sent to the Bastille.
    Imprisoned for blasphemy, profanity, heresy, sedition, atheism, buggery, sodomy, poor usage of controlled substances, and annoying his mother in law. note 
  • In The Horse and His Boy, a royal friend of Aravis ensures her privacy by decreeing that any servant of hers who tells of her presence will be beaten to death, then burned alive, and finally kept on bread and water for a week.
  • In the Frederick Forsyth novel Literature/Icon, a man is considered unsuitable to be in line for the Russian throne because he's too old, he has no children (which means no one can come after him), he screws around too much, including with his servants, and *gasp* he cheats at Backgammon.
  • From The Immortals, the final novel in The Edge Chronicles:
    "Arrest?" said Felftis Brack coolly, backing away. "On what charges?"
    "Charges of fraud, embezzlement, blackmail, smuggling, false imprisonment, conspiracy to commit murder..."
    *Brack tries to flee, but runs into some sports players he hired and never paid, who throw him into a lake*
    "...And non-payment of the New Lake thousandsticks team," finished the constable.
  • Judy Jones and William Wilson's An Incomplete Education:
    According to sociobiologists, if a behavior exists, it must be adaptive—a rationale that could be used to excuse racism, sexism, cruelty to animals, aerobic dancing, and other unsavory behaviors.

    Mao Tse-tung's was the last truly great cult of personality. Beside him, such upstarts as Tito, Khaddafi, and Barbra Streisand pale into insignificance.
  • In Michael Flynn's In the Lion's Mouth, Oschous recounts how, after a governor's house was burned, the boots leveled a town, and the man responsible wasn't even in it, because the over-governor could imagine arson and rebellion, but not leaving your licensed township.
  • In the Jeeves and Wooster novel Right Ho, Jeeves, Bertie mentions a girl who criticized his "manners, morals, intellect, general physique, and method of eating asparagus".
  • In Danny Wallace's Join Me, Danny is accused of 'being a cult leader, of trying to get people's credit card details, of being an American.'
  • Journey to Chaos: Sathel's Cruel Mercy punishment to the guy who kidnapped her daughter is the following: "years of nightmarish hallucinations, random memory loss, and itchy spider bites". Although, having several constant itches that don't go away for years may or may not be worse than the other two.
  • In Just Shy Of Harmony, the goals of the church in 1970 are said to be:
    • 1. Spreading the gospel to every tribe, tongue and nation
    • 2. Ending world hunger
    • 3. Carpeting the boardrooms
  • In Just The Words by Melissa Brayden, Sam is freaking out because she and Hunter had sex.
    Sam: That wasn't supposed to happen. As in ever.
    Hunter: I know. But there are worse things. Floods. Hurricanes. Republicans.
  • Juvenal (second century A.D.) uses this now and then in his satires. Most of the time his examples actually escalate (adultery, murder, murder of close relations) but now and then he throws in this trope, as in listing the dangers of living in Rome as "conflagrations, collapsing buildings, poets reciting in the month of August". Which makes this one Older Than Feudalism.
  • Stephen King: In the novel The Dead Zone, when Johnny Smith becomes known as a clairvoyant, Dees, a reporter from Inside View magazine (a tabloid about supernatural things) comes to him and offers him a contract, while cheerfully admitting that he doesn't believe in any of the things his magazine writes about. Johnny gets quite upset over this and calls him all the worst insults he can muster ("ghoul," "grave robber," "your mother should have died of cancer the day she conceived you") before Dees tries to interrupt, prompting Johnny to end his barrage of insults by sayying he sounds like he's "talking through a Saltine box." Its just a little barb that denies him even the smallest dignity left.
    • And then there's this gem from It:
      "Tell your friends I am the last of a dying race," it said, grinning its sunken grin as it staggered and lurched down the porch steps after her. "The only survivor of a dying planet. I have come to rob all the women...rape all the men...and learn to do the Peppermint Twist!"
    • Here's another from King's unfinished serial novel The Plant:
      Some of the things [our little "circle"] found out from "OUIJA" that are described in "blood-curdling detail" in True Tales of Demon Infestations: 1. The disappearance of Amelia Earhart was actually the work of demons! 2. Demonic forces at work on H.M.S. Titanic. 3. The “tulpa” that infested Richard Nixon. 4. There will be a president from ARKANSAS!"
  • In King Dork, after Tom and Sam Hellerman's band performs at a school talent show, Sam sells a zine with lyrics to their songs. A lot of them criticize the mean assistant principal, Mr. Teone, and Tom mentions in passing that one of the songs is called "Mr. Hitler, Mr. Stalin, Mr. Teone." (After it's revealed that Mr. Teone was filming underage students having sex and selling the tapes, it's not quite as much an example of this trope - but still an extreme comparison.)
  • Kitty Norville: Vampires. Werewolves. Talk Radio.
    "They incited a nebulous fear of purposes I couldn't imagine. Witch hunts, pogroms. Reality TV."
    • That quote proves to be Foreshadowing, after she nearly got killed because she took part in a reality TV show...
  • In The Know-It-All, A.J. Jacobs reflects on the wisdom he's gained from reading the Encyclopedia Britannica and remarks that humans "have created poverty and war and Daylight Saving Time."
  • In Colin Dexter's Last Seen Wearing, we get this gem from Inspector Morse:
    In the seventh circle of Dante’s Hell we shall doubtless find the traitors, the mass murderers, the infant torturers, and the stealers of sugar from the supermarkets.
  • Left Behind:
    • In Tribulation Force, a news report states that the Antichrist's armies have killed thousands of civilians and caused a traffic jam.
    • In Armageddon, the crimes that Chloe Steele has been accused of by the Global Community upon her capture are being expelled from her university for making threats against the faculty, aborting two fetuses (and being suspected of killing a third daughter), and naming her son Jesus Savior Williams.
  • In The Lies Of Locke Lamora, Locke describes his treatment of the bondsmage: "I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized." Cue everyone staring at him. "I called him an asshole, too. He didn't like that."
  • In Little Brother by Cory Doctorow, Marcus describes to a judge how he attempted to overthrow the Department of Homeland Security, disrupted a city causing millions of dollars in damage, set up an illegal gathering which caused near-riots, and beat up a girl in order to steal her phone. The judge says, "You stole a phone"!? As it turns out, she's not joking. Because DHS is in disgrace for (among other things) illegally imprisoning him and his friends, and nearly causing a riot at the aforesaid gathering, his crimes against them are swept under the rug and forgotten. But he gets sent to prison over the phone.
  • The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul repeatedly mentions that King's Cross Station after dark is an awful place, full of "muggers, pimps and hookers, drug-pushers and hamburger salesmen".
  • In A Look at Organized Crime, also by Allen, it's stated that "illicit activities engaged in by Cosa Nostra members included gambling, narcotics, prostitution, hijacking, loansharking, and the transportation of a large whitefish across the state line for immoral purposes."
  • The Lord of Bembibre: When Nuño agrees to carry a letter from Beatriz to her lover, the old huntsman states that should her father find out about his actions, he will be whipped, put in the pillory, and worst of all, fired.
    Nuño: "If your father the master comes to know of this, he will send me for whipping and have me put in the pillory and throw me out of the house, which is the worst thing that could happen to me."
  • Played for Laughs in The Lost Fleet: Guardian, when the admiral inspects a heavily damaged prize ship taken from aliens in battle:
    "All ship's systems are nonfunctional," Lagemann explained cheerfully. "There is extensive unrepaired battle damage in most areas. The ship cannot move under her own power, and in fact has no power except for portable emergency systems. Most of the ship is uninhabitable and requires survival suits or combat armor for access. The crew is a tiny fraction of that needed for safety, security, and operation. As you can tell, there's no working gravity. And, um, the brightwork hasn't been shined."
  • Inverted in Jasper Fforde's Lost In A Good Book by the Goliath Corporation who demand an employee of theirs be returned to them so he can "face a disciplinary board on charges of embezzlement, Goliath contractual irregularities, misuse of the Corporation's leisure facilities, missing stationery... and crimes against humanity." Played straight when Acheron Hades lists his hobbies as murder, torture, and flower arranging.
  • In the Magic: The Gathering novel Scourge, Sash and Waistcoat, shouting their defiance, threaten the following actions:
    "We'll do terrible things! We'll assassinate kings! Burn towns!"
    "Tip cows!"
    "Incite riots! Print pamphlets!"
    "Steal Fish!"
  • In Paul Robinson's Marnie, the title character is playing a rollercoaster building sim, with a mod called Crash Test where you test scenarios of track sections to see if they will work. One particularly bad design caused a lot of damage. First, the six riders in the coaster car are killed in graphic fashion, and...
    On the ground, the cook in the busy hot dog stand directly below was scalded by boiling water, as a ceiling brace knocks the pan of hot dogs over, before the coaster car crushes him into bloody paste. But it doesn’t stop there; it still has more kinetic energy. It actually bounces, smashing through the wall, where it decapitates the front counter person, her blood shooting out of her neck like a fountain, before she collapses. The customers are both crushed, and sliced in half by the underside of the car, they split like sausages.
    The car finally stops when it crashes into a tree, causing it to fall over, severing power lines, which fall, electrocuting everyone in the wave pool.
    The program computes Total Damages: 6 killed in car, 28 killed on ground, (including 24 electrocuted), 14 injured, plus one tree, 20 meters of power line, a rollercoaaster car, seven meters of track, a hot dog stand, and 30 hot dogs ruined.
  • A Master of Djinn: When Haida is talking to Alexander near the end:
    "I know this must be a difficult time for you. Your sister is an evil maniac bent on world conquest. She killed your father, which is just terrible. Plus, I don’t think this house has much resale value."
  • In Lois McMaster Bujold's Memory, Simon Illyan reflects on his career in ImpSec and muses over the things he has found that motivate men: "Money, Power, Sex... and elephants."
  • Moby-Dick:
    "He's killed himself," she cried. "It's unfort'nate Stiggs done over again - there goes another counterpane — god pity his poor mother! — it will be the ruin of my house. Has the poor lad a sister? Where's that girl? — there, Betty, go to Snarles the Painter, and tell him to paint me a sign, with — "no suicides permitted here, and no smoking in the parlor;" — might as well kill both birds at once."
  • The Moomins: In "Comet in Moominland", Moomintroll and Sniff swear to keep a secret, saying "May the ground swallow me up, may old hags rattle my dry bones, and may I never more eat ice cream if I don't guard this secret with my life."
  • Walter Sinnott-Armstrong's Morality Without God (The last two words strikethroughed) begins with asking if the average theist would agree to marry an atheist. The reasons given are that the theists perceive atheists as untrustworthy. They would see spousal abuse and adultery as permitted, they would be immoral, cause trouble, get in trouble, infect children with depravity and couldn't be counted on to help with the dishes.
  • "If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination." Thomas de Quincey, Murder Considered as One of the Fine Arts, an Essay
  • In Nighttime Is My Time, as part of his revenge against the seven Stonecroft women who bullied or rejected him at school, the Owl stalked and murdered five of them with the intention of killing the other two eventually, torments Jean with his knowledge of her secret daughter whom he also plans to kill and...dobbed Laura in to the IRS for unpaid taxes.
  • In the Night Watch (Series) novel Twilight Watch, Anton is discussing the crimes of the historical figure Gilles de Rais that got him burnt at the stake. They were raping and brutally murdering hundreds of children... and not paying his taxes. In this case, Anton isn't really using the trope for humor- it's more like he's sarcastically noting that the latter was what got the authorities after him; you could get away with a lot as a Medieval aristocrat.
  • In Notes From The Overfed, a short story by Woody Allen, a character is asked by his uncle if he believes in God. He answers: "I do not believe in God. For if there is a God, then tell me, Uncle, why is there poverty and baldness? Why do some men go through life immune to a thousand mortal enemies of the race, while others get a migraine that lasts for weeks?"
  • Dean Koontz's Odd Apocalypse: Odd, while trying to talk the chief of security for the place he's a guest at out of killing him, says, "if you kill me, the girl I'm with will be upset, and Mr. Wolflaw is so charmed by her that he'll be upset, and there goes your job. Not to mention prison, gang rape, and the loss of your right to vote."
  • In the final Origami Yoda book, Tommy is upset that the field trip has a No Origami Rule. He writes, "Wug!", "NOOOOOOOO!", "I have a bad feeling about this!", "SAD WHISTLE!", and "I like nuts!".
  • From Grady Hendrix' Paperbacks from Hell. From the description of the The Guardian series in the prologue:
  • Percy Jackson and the Olympians:
    • This also occurs when Percy described The Fields of Eternal Punishment. "... I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus paths or listen to opera music."
    • As Dionysus says while playing Pac-Man: "The world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never get a perfect score on this stupid machine."
    • In The Last Olympian, Percy describes the effects of Camp Half-Blood's magical borders like this:
      "Our beach is on the North Shore of Long Island, and it's enchanted so most people can't even see it. People don't just appear on the beach unless they're demigods, or gods, or really, really lost pizza delivery guys. (It's happened— but that's another story)."
  • In Perelandra by C. S. Lewis, one exchange between the protagonist and the devil's servant provides an excellent example of this, as Ransom quizzes his opponent on things he'd do for the mysterious spirit guiding him. First he asks if Weston would murder, then if he'd betray English to the Germans, and then - most awful at all - if Weston would publish lies as research in a scientific periodical. When Weston agrees to that last one, Ransom exclaims, "May God have mercy on your soul!" It says something about Weston's character before his turn that falsifying experiments is the only line Ransom couldn't see him crossing.
  • Robert Browning's poem "The Pied Piper of Hamelin" declares that the rat plague did the following:
    They fought the dogs, and killed the cats,
    And bit the babies in the cradles,
    And ate the cheeses out of the vats,
    And licked the soup from the cook's own ladles,
    Split open the kegs of salted sprats,
    Made nests inside men's Sunday hats,
    And even spoiled the women's chats,
    By drowning their speaking
    With shrieking and squeaking
    In fifty different sharps and flats.
  • Daniel Pinkwater does this a lot. For example, here's a Carl Sandburg-esque glimpse into the pageantry of the greatest festival in the universe, taking place on Spiegel, the Planet of the Fat Men:
    The main street of Porky, renamed Blintzni Spamgorod in honor of its former glory, has turned into an endless colorful midway. Merrymakers walk, crawl, hop, slither, fly, and float back and forth all day and all night, enjoying the many pleasant spectacles. There are roast goose jugglers, meteor swallowers, monsters able to turn themselves inside out, many-mouthed musicians who can play fifteen horns at once, pseudo-octopusian fandango dancers, and whistlers from Glintnil. There are mixed beast races, wrestling matches against giant slothoids from Neptune, six-dimensional chess games, screaming contests, and knocking down three milk bottles with a baseball.
  • In the Delegations Dystopia in Poster Girl the people would be constantly rewarded/punished for just about every action by having their Desirability Coin count increased or decreased. Mentioned things that could incur punishments include destruction of property, pre marital sex, not recycling properly, cursing in public, not sitting straight and even women having a short haircut.
  • The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary - actually a book about how one of the biggest contributors to the Oxford English Dictionary was criminally insane and in jail for murder.
  • The Quotable Atheist, lists some of George Monbiot's most breath-taking adventures as a journalist as: "...sentenced to life in prison in absentia, pronounced clinically dead from cerebral malaria, and required to visit Texas."
  • Invoked in Alexander Pope's The Rape of the Lock: Ariel, the sylph assigned to protect the fair and noble Belinda, has a premonition of disaster one day, so he assigns a veritable army of sylphs to guard the most important things - such as Belinda's honor, chastity, dress, fan, hairstyle... wait, hold on a sec.
  • One of the Redwall books features a hare beating the shit out of a verminous Mook, both for eating the hare's friends and for persistently referring to the hare as a rabbit.
  • In The Retribution by Val McDermid (the author behind Wire in the Blood), the villain is described as such: "Jacko Vance, killer of seventeen teenage girls, murderer of a serving police officer, and a man once voted the sexiest man on British TV [...]"
  • In Revenge Of The Stainless Steel Rat, the Hero at one point impersonates an enemy pilot and his "superior" attempts to arrest him on charges of "Looting and consorting with the enemy. And 10 G landing too. Which is not a shooting offense although the other two are."
  • In the Rivers of London book Lies Sleeping, after the police successfully foil the villain's attempt to kidnap and murder one of the river goddesses, "Stephanopoulos gave an after-action report on our attempted godnapping/deicide/behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace."
  • Roys Bedoys: In “Don’t Feed Wildlife, Roys Bedoys!”, the park ranger says that the things wild animals can do involve damaging property, biting, scratching, and leaving poop.
  • In Rule 34 by Charles Stross, the rulers of Issyk-Kulistan have made their country very welcoming to the Organisation (basically, organised crime as internet startup) because they're the bait in a co-ordinated effort by international law enforcement (and a crimefighting behaviourology AI) to take them all out in one go. Shortly before the trap snaps shut, Issyk-Kulistan's General Bakhar learns the Organisation took advantage of their hospitality to smuggle 3D printer feedstock to Edinburgh disguised as bread mix. So when he, with great satisfaction, arrests the Organisation's representative in his country, he can't resist topping off the list of charges with "Oh, and there's an inquiry from Scotland about the import of illegally mislabelled food products..."
  • A Series of Unfortunate Events:
    • The back-cover blurbs for books list five or more events, props, or characters, a few of which (usually but not always the last) are often something harmless-sounding, such as "a doll named Pretty Penny" or "a bad casserole". Some of the later books subvert this by making the last item on the list something more dramatic— such as "a surprising survivor of a terrible fire". This is re-subverted when some of the harmless-sounding items are actually very important and dangerous, like "a sugar bowl", while some of the dangerous-sounding items, like "Chabo the Wolf Baby" are harmless.
    • In the first book, when Count Olaf's scheme to steal the Baudelaire fortune and his threats to kill Sunny are exposed, various members of the audience start yelling at him. One of them demands his money back because Olaf's play was lousy.
    • There's an arrest warrant out for Count Olaf for Arson, Fraud, Murder, and stealing a tray of cupcakes.
    • The carnival freaks from book 9: a hunchback, a contortionist, and an ambidextrous guy.
    • Speaking of examples from the ninth book, while discussing which part of a ferocious beast is to be the most feared, Snicket writes, "Some say the teeth of the beast, because teeth are used for eating children, and often their parents, and gnawing their bones. Some say the claws of the beast, because claws are used for ripping things to shreds. And some say the hair of the beast, because hair can make allergic people sneeze."
    • From Book the 13th: "Sooner or later everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two, a schism or a death, a fire or a mutiny, the loss of a home or the destruction of a tea set."
  • Sentimental Education: In order to deal with his unrequited love, Frederic Moreau writes a novel about a man with a grand love for a woman. “To possess her he murdered several gentlemen, burnt down part of the town, and sang under her balcony.”
  • Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman.
  • In Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth, Tommy Oblivion talks to himself as he ponders how time travel might rectify the heroes' predicament, muttering about "divergent timetracks, opposing probabilities, experiment's intent, and whether or not someone's pizza had anchovies on it". But then, he's an existentialist, so maybe this trope makes perfect sense to him....
  • Shiloh: In the first book, Judd has made Marty dislike him by poaching deer, treating his dogs badly, spitting tobacco near people, cheating a Scatter Brained Senior storekeeper, and accidentally blocking Marty's view of a motorcycle show while sitting in front of him.
  • At the climax of the first Skulduggery Pleasant book, the eponymous hero arrests his arch nemesis Nefarian Serpine, placing him under arrest for:
    Skulduggery: 'Murder, attempted murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.'
  • A Song of Ice and Fire:
    • Daenerys is forced to eat a raw horse's heart to fulfill a Dothraki superstition regarding childbirth. It is said that if she fails to keep the heart down, her child will be "defective, stillborn or female". (See also Values Dissonance.)
    • In the fifth book of the series Roose Bolton is describing how he came to have a bastard son, and how "all in all it was a dismal day" because the girl he raped after executing her husband wasn't that much fun, the fox he was hunting got away, and his favorite horse came up lame. Later on in the same book, when his vile bastard son Ramsay complains about the disrespect Lady Barbrey Dustin shows him, to the point Ramsay wants to skin her alive and make a pair of boots out of her, Roose angrily shuts him down by pointing out harming Lady Dustin would cost the Boltons one of the few genuinely loyal allies they have, enrage several of their grudging supporters to rebel, and the boots would be lousy because human skin isn't as hard-wearing as cowhide.
  • In The Sookie Stackhouse Mysteries, Sookie describing Debbie Pelt in Dead to the World: "...whom I despised because she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap -oh- and tried to kill me by proxy. Also she had stupid hair."
  • In Sorcerer Conjurer Wizard Witch, Charles Beauregard lists the sinister activities in which the Diabolical Mastermind has been involved, which include arms dealing, fascism, riots, scandalous deaths, pornography, ethnic cleansing, and facilitating the musical career of George Formby.
  • Spy School: In Spy School at Sea, the cruise ship captain is guilty of harboring international fugitives in exchange for money, Human Trafficking forced laborers, smuggling stolen antiques, and serving banquet food ten days past the expiration date.
  • In Star Trek: Department of Temporal Investigations: Watching the Clock, Agent George Faunt suffers a breakdown, attacks his colleagues, takes a researcher hostage and turns the DTI branch office into a siege zone. He also makes a lame time-related pun. Dulmur notes this last in a manner suggesting it's almost as serious as the other offenses.
  • In her non-fiction book, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, Mary Roach describes her experience at a mortuary college embalming lab. Anyone who enters the blood "splash area" has to wear plastic and latex to protect against "HIV, hepatitis, stains on your shirt".
  • Suspicion by Swiss Author Friedrich Dürrenmatt has a character named Fortschig who loves to complain about everything, especially the Swiss government, the city Bern and him being poor. He also loves to complain about Trolley buses, dogs, the radio, stamp collectors, ballpoints and traffic police.
  • Christopher Fowler's Bryant & May mystery, The Ten-Second Staircase. In the memo that begins the novel as Ch. 1, a supervising bureaucrat complains, "My instructions are disobeyed, my reputation has been irreversibly damaged, and my office wallpaper has been ruined."
  • There Is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns: Quiss discovers the new Dungeon and is concerned that it will attract "Goblins, Unreasonably Large Spiders, lizard people who decided to kill other people and angry bushes." It's the bushes that worry him the most (due to his allergies).
  • In the last chapter of The Third Day, The Frost, Ellie is examined by a doctor in New Zealand who sums up her various injuries sustained during the war: "Shock, cracked vertebrae, fractured patella, malnutrition, cuts and abrasions, acute anxiety state, headlice."
  • In Those That Wake, corporations rule everything, advertisements invade every minute of your life, people retreat into their cellphones, the government patrols public transportation... and the Mets have moved to Las Vegas.
  • Tough Magic has some outtakes in the back of the books; several of which have the characters reciting lists of various issues and problems, always ending in something ridiculous.
  • In Lawrence Block's Two For Tanner Evan encounters a one-eyed child in Laos.
    I tried not to look at her face. I felt tears welling up behind my own eyes and blamed them on the fever. The world, after all, is filled with blind children who envy the one-eyed ones, and legless men who envy cripples, and millionaires who envy billionaires. One has to maintain a sense of proportion...
  • In the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl novel 2 Fuzzy, 2 Furious, the Winter Soldier says this about Hydra: "They have toppled governments, murdered millions, and ruined the second seasons of previously promising sitcoms."
  • Unsong lampshades how questionable translation causes this in some versions of The Bible, specifically a King James verse that mentions "unicorns, satyrs, and screech-owls." The addition of mundane screech-owls to a group of mythical creatures gets investigated thoroughly.
    "If God starts by promising unicorns and satyrs, screech-owls are going to be something of a let-down."
  • In Christopher Fowler's THE VICTORIA VANISHES: "Whenever the cadaverous Home Office security supervisor became involved in their affairs, babies cried, women cowered, innocence was punished and blame was wrongly apportioned."
  • Quoth King Elend, in The Well Of Ascension, on why his kingdom is in dire straits: "The Assembly is a mess, a half-dozen warlords with superior armies are breathing down my neck, barely a month passes without someone sending assassins to kill me, and the woman I love is slowly driving me insane."
  • Victoria has what looks like a straight example, with John Rumford resenting the setting's Nazi faction for endorsing racism, totalitarian police state methods and color television. Subverted, in that Rumford really does think TV is a deadly menace to society, so to him at least it actually does rank up there with their other crimes.
  • In another Brandon Sanderson book, Warbreaker, when two Returned (Godlike individuals who came back to life after dying) are discussing their lives before Returning which they have no memory of Blushweaver gives us: “Please. Why would you want to know about your normal life? What if you were a murderer or a rapist? Worse, what if you had bad fashion sense?”.
  • In Whispers Under Ground, Lesley lists off some possible crimes she might charge someone with: trading without a license, criminal trespass, receiving stolen goods, wearing heavy black mascara in a built-up area.
  • Kvothe, at one point in his narrative comprising the majority of Patrick Rothfuss's The Wise Man's Fear, mentions that in order to survive a trip, he "begged for crusts, stole a man's shoes, and recited poetry." He's been poor his whole life, often starving, but as a musician he's disdainful of poets, finding them useless and indulgent, so for him poetry was actually much, much more humiliating than begging and stealing.
    • Later in that same book, while Kvothe is starting a fire using magic while leading a group of mercenaries, he notes that they become fearful of him.
      "Then I saw Marten and Hespe wearing the same expression, native Vintish superstition written clearly on their faces. Their eyes went to the flickering fire, then back to me. I was one of those. I meddled with dark powers. I summoned demons. I ate the entire little cheese, including the rind."
  • Wonder Woman: Warbringer: The Dire Warnings about humanity are of: war, torture, genocide, pollution, and bad grammar
  • The 2009 edition of The World Almanac had on its front cover, highlighting what were presumably the most important events in 2008, a picture of Barack Obama and John McCain, a picture from the Olympic Games and... American Idol winner David Cook.
  • The bandit gang from The Worst Shots in the West is accused of robbing a whole list of people, finishing with them having managed to successfully steal candy from a baby (Without losing a man!).
  • From Worth Dying For: The Power and Politics of Flags by Tim Marshall:
    If you leave aside the corruption, cheating, drug taking, commerciality and those irritating sprinters making stupid hand gestures to the cameras, it's possible to have warm feelings about the Olympic flag and all it stands for.
  • In Zen and the Art of Faking It San is trying to figure out where mysterious yin-yang posters all around school came from: "Maybe his English teacher had put them up to go along with their reading on Daoism. Maybe somebody in another class had put them up as part of a project. Maybe a race of alien beings had sent them as a message of brother hood to all earthlings."


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