"Ugly Dog Theory: In a comedy, whenever someone is being pummeled with insults, it's always the last and most seemingly innocent insult that evokes a heated response. Example: 'You're ugly, your mother is ugly, your brother is ugly and your dog is ugly!' Response: 'You can't talk that way about my dog!'"
Someone accused of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking responds, "How dare you? I would never jaywalk!"
This comedy trope finds its way into TV shows and movies of almost every genre.
After being given a Long Listof their flawsand transgressions, a character responds by selecting one of the flaws, and saying "I am not (flaw)!", as if to imply that all the other flaws were all spot-on. For maximum comedic effect, offense is taken to the mildest one in the list, or the offendee has to ask the offender to repeat the one he's offended by ("Hey, I am NOT a... um, what was that last one again?") which insinuates that all of them may be accurate. Frequently, they'll be entirely justified. Despite the name, the character doesn't always pick the last one. If their Berserk Button comes up, it's going to offend them more than any other insult. Often used sarcastically with affable 'scoundrel' characters, and a staple of the Deadpan Snarker. Sometimes refuting the most easily refuted charge can discredit the whole string for an in story audience.
This can also be used for character exposition. The dragon may not care about being called a brute or a sadist, but be offended by being called a wimp.
A variation on this is for the character to claim that the string of insults is a half-truth, letting the viewer try to decide which parts are true or not.
Compare: My Friends... and Zoidberg, Insult Backfire, and Wrong Insult Offence. This is a case of the character on the receiving end of Comically Missing the Point.
Examples
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Advertising
One Coke Zero ad shows an eye arguing with a pair of tongues. The eye tells the tongue it's drinking Coke Zero. One of the tongues says, "Know why we don't like you, Eye? Because you're a big, fat liar." The eye gasps. "I am not fat!"
A TV ad for Helio mobile products had a daughter bring home a man of a different race. She doesn't care about the very offensive things her parents say, but she does get upset over their calling his Helio a "phone".
Subverted when Ganju is offended in everything BUT the ugly comment by Yumichika — even better is that it's lampshaded by Uryu Ishida.
Yumichika:Who might you be? It's not my nature to rememberugly faces? Ganju: The Hell?! Everyone knows I got more handsome with these bandages wrapped around! And even with these bandages, you can't even tell what I look like you dumbass! Uryu: So you're not gonna deny the ugly part...?
Straight when Hiyori is going off on Hitsugaya, throwing insults at his cool façade until something sticks. Tries calling him a stupid, crafty kid, then baldy (ad nauseam), but finally hits his Berserk Button with "midget".
Casting Director: You ugly slut! Mako: Ugly? UGLY?!
A variation from Space Pirate Mito. The Galactic Patrol is looking for the main character, Aoi Mitsukuni, and to flush him out, they announce his "crimes" to the general populace, hoping they'll hand him over. In order, this includes being the son of a wanted Space Pirate, seducing woman, being a ten-foot monster (and apparently a gremlin), and disrespecting his parents, since he injured his mother and ran away. Hearing the announcement, his classmates ask if it's true, and Aoi replies, "It's true," but stops short, leading his friends to have Imagine Spots based on the more outlandish claims. (He really meant the last one, though the first is also true).
In one manga chapter, for reasons that make as much sense in context, Nozomu brings in his "second opinion" of his students, who are (mostly note except for the Gonk girl in the class — her second opinion is thin and female) gonk guys in wigs who imitate their mannerisms. When the one for Yaoi Fangirl Harumi shows up and announces a Slash pairing preference, Nami muses at how similar they are. Harumi, angrily indicates that she isn't like that- she prefers a different "top", and declares they (the pairings) aren't alike at all. Thus, she implies that this detail is the only one she contests and her response supports the depiction of her as an obsessive Yaoi Fangirl.
Gohan: You're stupid and ugly and... YOU SMELL! Nappa: (screams) ... I smell?! Why — you — it's not my fault! I've been cooped up in a space pod for a year, what do you expect?!
From the actual Dragon Ball Z series, we have this exchange from a filler arc at the end of the Cell Saga:
King Kai: Mind your own business, you nosy old hag! East Kai: You take that back! I am not nosy!
some random girl: The way Orimura-kun is receiving it isn’t bad neither... Ichika: (in his mind) Hey, what’s the meaning of that last comment!?
In the first episode of the English dub of Oh Edo Rocket Genjiro refers to Akai, a Smug SnakeObstructive Bureaucrat as "Deputy Douchebag". Akai corrects him, complaining that his title is Special Agent, not Deputy.
Naruto: You're nothing but a lousy little pervert!!! Jiraiya: I am NOT a little pervert! Naruto: Oh yeah? Then tell me, what are you? Jiraiya: Ah hah hah hah! ...I'm a big one!
"I've got a friend that got into an argument with a barmaid from Sunderland. Long story short, he ended up calling her a 'fat, ugly Geordie cunt.' And she said, 'I'm no a Geordie.'"
Comic Books
Happens sometimes with Obélix in the Astérix comics:
Obélix: I may be a traitor, but I am not fat!
A variation on the theme from Xenozoic Tales: Jack calls Hannah judgemental and light-fingered. She swings the sails of the boat they are on, causing the boat to shift and deposit Jack in the water.
Jack: Now why'd you do that? Hannah: I don't like being called judgmental. Jack: You don't argue with light-fingered? (Hannah swings an oar at him)
In the Green LanternArc "Sinestro Corps War", a variant of this is done for Hal Jordan by someone else. Someone who, incidentally, despises Jordan.
Amon Sur: It's ironic, isn't it, Jordan? Hal Jordan: What is, Amon? Me about to break your nose with your father's ring? Amon Sur: You dying here. Killed by Sinestro's army. Alone. You've been despised and abandoned by your corps. Off-panel voice: Despised is one thing. But abandoned? The Cavalry:That, the Green Lantern Corps don't do.
Spider Man. During JMS' tour on the comic, Peter had a job as a high school science teacher. This exchange followed after he met a particularly troublesome student:
Student: I don't need some old nerd like you helping me out! Peter: Old? Student: I see you didn't argue with the nerd part... Peter:Old?
In the Don Rosa comic "Attaaack!", Donald Duck and Scrooge are listening to somebody else's phone-call, trying to discover attack plans against Scrooge's money bin that way.
Caller 1: Is Scrooge McDuck really a greedy, cheap, stingy, miserly, cranky old wretch of a slavedriver? Caller 2: He sure is. At least that's what his nephew Donald said. Donald: Ulp! Scrooge: (completely deadpan) You think I'm old? You wound me.
Bruce: Show some respect. They were your grandparents. Damian: Just names and dusty frames on the walls to me. Alfred: I take exception to that. There is not a speck of dust collecting on those portraits.
Dead-Girl describes the Anarchist as "a scared, self-denying, guilt-ridden, washed-up excuse for a mutant" and follows up by saying he isn't even fun anymore. It was that last one that did it. This is naturally because he recognizes all the previous digs as completely factual.
Also, when watching a news montage that implicates X-Statix in illegal transactions involving drugs, land scams, and MP3's, the Anarchist replies with "MP3's? That's a damned lie!"
Comic Strips
Inverted slightly in Calvin And Hobbes. Calvin receives insulting letters from an anonymous sender. It's Hobbes, naturally. When he receives one that says, "You look like a baboon and smell like one too," he replies.
Calvin: What kind of sick freak would do something like this?! Hobbes: A reckless exaggerator. You don't look like a baboon... Calvin: Oh, you're a big help!
In Doonesbury, when Jeff brings up his interview with a private security contractor:
Joanie: Private security? You mean those big, lawless pinheads in black tees and Ray-Bans who are always creating mayhem. Jeff: Oakleys. Joanie: What? Jeff: They wear Oakleys, mom. Only State Department weenies wear Ray-Bans.
A Peanuts strip from 1982 shows the latest effort from Snoopy the World-Famous Author:
"'You love hockey more than you love me!' she complained. 'You love those hockey gloves, and shinguards, and skates and elbow pads more than you love me!' 'That's not true!' he said. 'I love you much more than I love my elbow pads.'"
Spain: [England] just said you'd be a pushover in bed. And also that you worship the ground I walk on. Romano: I am not a pushover, and — and I'm not a pushover!
Draco Malfoy: My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist. I despise gingers, and Mudbloods. I hate Gryfindor House and my parents work for the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend? Harry Potter: Hate Gryfindor House? Get out of my face, Malfoy!
On the Kingdom Hearts fanon Wiki, there's an alternate reality called the Nightverse, essentially something along the lines of Kingdom Hearts meets Watchmen where the Darker and Edgier is taken Up to Eleven. In that reality, the group of villains is called The Midnight Syndicate, mostly consisting of the Nobodies of various Final Fantasy characters, but with a few original characters thrown in as well. Two members in particular, Nexko (original character) and Xertra (Terra Branford's Nobody) hate each other beyond any logic, at least by Nobody standards. One exchange between them partially overlaps with Insult Backfire.
Nexko: Get the hell out of my way, you arrogant, retarded, self-centered, immature, power-hungry, lying, reckless, treasonous whore! Xertra: I am not a retarded whore, asshole.
The Insult Backfire comes in to play when one takes into account that Xertra actually isn't a whore, but she is a prime example of the tropes Really Gets Around and Anything That Moves. And it's implied that she takes pride in that she does it for free.
A gagdub of Neon Genesis Evangelion gave us this immortal exchange between Misato and Ritsuko:
"Bitch!" "Skank!" "Slut!" "Minmei!" "...YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
John: What I wanna talk about is where the Hell do you get off talking about me like that to the cops?! Liz: Whaddaya mean "Like that?" Do you mean "He did it [killed Elly Patterson]?" or do you mean "He had a temper fit like a spoiled brat because Mom didn't wear herself out eating those awful greaseburgers he loves to choke down night after night?" John: The "greaseburger" crack, of course. You made me sound like an idiot!
Merlin: I can go where I please, even if it is to visit a self-involved prat with no manners or sense of propriety. Arthur: No manners?!
Hands: Twilight at one point calls Andrew an "indecisive cowardly jerk". Andrew doesn't like being called indecisive.
Films — Animation
From Sinbad Legend Of The Seven Seas. Note that in this case, lying is the most relevant. Because he told the truth, Eris has to give the book back.
Eris: You're a selfish, unprincipled liar! Sinbad: Wait a minute. I didn't lie.
The Princess and the Frog: Prince Naveen takes offense at being called a philandering bum who spent all his time chasing chamber maids in his ivory tower:
The Lion King has Banzai, who only seems to have a problem with being called stupid after hearing a bunch of insults:
Simba: But Zazu, you told me they're nothing but slobbering mangy stupid poachers. Zazu:Ix-nay on the oopid-stay... Banzai: Who you callin' "oopid-stay"?!
Cartman: Kyle, I'm sorry for all those times I called you a stupid Jew. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew. Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman, I am a Jew! Cartman: No, don't be so hard on yourself.
And a borderline case from earlier in the same movie.
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew! Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word? Cartman: ... "Jew"?
The Emperor's New Groove: Yzma insults Kronk, calling him a "big stupid monkey." But what really prompts his Heel Face Turn? When she says she never liked his spinach puffs! Never!
Liz: You, hang out with my friends? A failed actress and a twat? Shaun: Well, that's a bit harsh. Liz: Your words, Shaun! Shaun: I did not call Diane a failed actress! :: Of course, considering who he called a "twat", that makes sense.
Jack: You sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga, and you're completely obsessed with treasure. Will: That's not true! I am NOT obsessed with treasure. Jack: Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate. :: Will can't really deny the rest as Jack had seen him do it, and since Will interprets treasure as "silver and gold" he's actually justified in denying an obsession with it.
From Metropolitan:
Jane: You're a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious, and tiresome. And lately, you've gotten just weird. Why should we believe anything you say? Nick: I'm not tiresome...
This was even done in Citizen Kane (1941). It should be noted that during the time period this scene takes place, being called an "anarchist" would be like being called a communist or a terrorist. Anarchism was a major revolutionary social movement and one anarchist was responsible for the assassination of William McKinley.
Kane: You long-faced, overdressed anarchist. Leland: I am not overdressed.
Emily: And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, edictorial, ego maniacal, frigid lunatic ASSHOLE! Major Payne: I ain't frigid.
Inverted in The Peacemaker (1987).
Julia: You will not take action without authorization! Devoe: What do you think I am — some gung-ho, stupid son of a bitch? Julia: No! I don't think you're stupid...
Alyssa: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes. Banky: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?
Doug Roberts: Frank, I like you. There's no getting around the fact that you're a real likable guy. Ensign Pulver: Yeah? Yeah! Roberts: But... Pulver: But what? Roberts: Well, I also think you're the most hapless, lazy, disorganized, and in general most lecherous person I've ever known in my life. Pulver: I am not! Roberts: You're not what? Pulver: I am not disorganized!
In The Men Who Stare At Goats, Bill Django gets put on trial and accused of procuring prostitutes to his men. He vehemently bellows, "THAT'S A LIE!" He is then accused of doing other things such as procuring illegal drugs for them. He shouts, "THAT— well... the hooker thing was definitely a lie."
In And Out combines this with Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking during a clip from the fake Oscar-winning movie To Protect and Serve (which is itself a spoof of Oscar Bait cliche. In the fake movie, Danny is a gay soldier who's being drummed out of the service after being outed. The following exchange occurs during a climactic military tribunal:
Attorney: Your sergeant came across the following items in your footlocker. Will you kindly tell the court if they are yours. A letter to another soldier? Danny: Yes, sir. Attorney: A photograph signed "Danny, San Francisco"? Danny: Yes, sir. Attorney: An autographed copy of Beaches, starring Bette Midler? Danny: GIVE THAT BACK!
Inverted in Iron Man 2. Nick Fury and Tony Stark are going over the latter's evaluation for the Avengers Initiative. Stark is reading it, denying every flaw that is listed until he gets to...
Duane: Will you please get out of my face, you sorry-looking faggot. Lindy: Who you calling "sorry-looking"?
Love Stinks:
Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit. Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?! Chelsea: I am not in denial!
Charlie: I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut. Wonka: (throws down the newspaper he's reading) I do not!
Claudette: Well, at least you have a good man. Lisa: You're wrong. He didn't get his promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me. Claudette:Johnny doesn't drink.
In the Laurel and Hardy short One Good Turn, Ollie discovers an (untrue) treachery of Stan's and rails at him:
Ollie: You snake in the grass! You Judas! You...you... Stan: Stop! Don't call me a you-you!
Done in Braveheart, when one of the king's advisors tells the princess in Latin that William is a lying savage. William pulls a Bilingual Backfire and replies in Latin that he never lies, but he is a savage. Then, for good measure, offers to continue the conversation in the princess's native French.
Anton: Grushenko? Isn't he the young coward all St. Petersburg is talking about? Boris: I'm not so young. I'm thirty-five.
In OSS 117 Lost In Rio, 117 is told that he's misogynistic and borderline racist, but objects to being called a tacky dresser.
In The Quick And The Dead, Herod is more offended at Cort telling the Lady to back out of the tournament—rather than how, immediately after, that they argue over which one of them will kill him.
Ken: Harry, I'm not being funny here, and I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You've always been a cunt, you're always going to be a cunt, and the only thing that's going to change is you're going to become an even bigger cunt. And maybe have a few more cunt kinds. Harry: You fucking retract that statement about my cunt fucking kids! Ken: I retract the statement about your cunt fucking kids. Harry: Insulting my fucking kids?! That's going overboard, mate! Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?
Cosmo half-turned, to make certain the crowd heard everything he said. "You are a thief, Mr. Lipwig. A cheat and a liar, and embezzler and have no dress sense whatsoever." "I say, that's a bit on the harsh side," said Moist as the men swept through. "I happen to think I dress rather snappily!"
In Interesting Times, the Agatean Empire's Master of Protocol is named Two Little Wang. He considers the worst part of having this name to be the unlucky number.
Hercule Poirot. You can call him annoying, you can call him meddling, you can call him troublesome, you can call him short, but don't call him French. Truth in Television: This is, indeed, a Berserk Button for many Belgians; like calling a Canadian American or a New Zealander Australian.
In Sandy Mitchell's Ciaphas Cain novels, Cain writes that the Inquisitors don't like bribery and intimidation, because they resent people infringing on their methods. Inquisitor Amberly Vail writes in a footnote that they are, of course, above such petty emotions as resentment.
"I get you out of typhoon alive and you just yell and say bad things. I quit. You get new navigator. Roberto say you mean, nasty, Chevy-driving, milk-drinking, American dog fucker." "I don't drink milk," Tuck said. Ha! Won that round.
Artemis Fowl, while traveling to the past, and finding Mulch before they met calls Mulch Diggums "my pungent friend". Mulch says, "Don't call me friend."
A hilariously values-dissonant example in To Kill A Mockingbird: Jem is worried about a gang coming after his father, and Atticus assures him that there have never been any gangs in Maycomb. Jem says the Ku Klux Klan "got after some Catholics one time." Atticus says, "Never heard of any Catholics in Maycomb either."
In L. Jagi Lamplighter's Prospero in Hell, Ulysses is deeply offended that an article describing him as a murderer says that his name came from James Joyce's book and not Homer
"A man who would violate his own sister, murder his king, and fling an innocent child to his death deserves no other name." Innocent? The wretched boy was spying on us.
In the Wizard in Rhyme series, following an unusual entrance and some accidental magic, Matt is accused of being an evil sorcerer on grounds of conjuring a thunderstorm, turning base metal to silver, flooding the job market with unskilled workers and turning an innocent baker into a toad. He's quick to point out that the toad story is slander.
In the picture book Betty Bunny Didn't Do It, after the title character breaks a lamp, she blames it on the Tooth Fairy. Her brother Henry calls her a big fat liar and she runs into the kitchen and whines to her mom "Mommy, Henry called me fat!"
Ephram: Ever since Mom died you've been acting like a moron. You grow that ugly-ass beard, you uproot your family and move us out to the middle of Nowhereswille, and why? Because someone once told you it's pretty? You're insane! Dr. Brown: I can't believe you think my beard is ugly.
John Cavil: Yes, but Fives in general haven't been that impressive thus far. One of your counterparts managed to get himself outted back on Ragnar Station. Aaron Doral: I can't understand how he was discovered... I heard it was Dr. Baltar. Cavil: Well, I'm not talking about that exactly. I'm talking about the fact that you're walking around this fleet wearing that jacket, and more importantly, that face. You're recognizable. Doral: Uh... Well... His jacket was burgundy... This is teal...
Jeremy Clarkson: Every time I see you, those are the words that pop into my head: stylish and contemporary. May:Thank you. Clarkson: ... After other words like, for instance: beige. Stannah Stairlift. The War. Can anyone think of any more? Homosexual. May: (beat) I object to the beige.
In The League of Gentlemen, Pauline is called a "psychotic 50-year-old lesbian." Her response? "How dare you! I'm 48!"
In one episode of Police Squad Frank tries to taunt a boxer with all sorts of insults, to which the man smiles and turns the other cheek, and when Frank finally gives up and says, "Forget it!" that suddenly sets the man off and accidentally does the trick.
Angel is particularly sensitive to this. Example in episode "Conviction":
Bad Guy: You pathetic, little fairy. Angel: Hey! I am not little.
"He called me a cheap whore and a thief!" MacLeod: <looks> "I was NEVER cheap." There's also the incident where Amanda won a gambling club from its owner, and refused to give him the chance to win it back. The man loses his temper: "No thieving French harlot with a coiffure is going to cheat me out of my club!" Amanda slaps him hard, and says: "I'm not French!"
Gene Hunt: Yeah, well, as for me, I slept like a baby! (flops back down onto the bed) Sam Tyler: Yeah, a twenty stone baby. Burps, snores and farts. Gene Hunt: (sitting bolt upright) I do NOT snore!
In an episode of Full House, Stephanie was stood up for a date, and her father Danny ran into the guy while at school making a delivery for the food drive. Rumors circulated about Danny doing a long list of things, including threatening the guy with canned ham. He protested that it was, in fact, Spam, but took a while on dispelling the other rumors.
Girl: What do you know about talent? You're unemployed, single, over 30 and you severely overestimate your cuteness! Sarah: I choose to be over 30!
In the second episode of I Claudius, Julia and Tiberius are unhappily married. When Julia wants sex:
Tiberius: Let me go, you fat, drunken cow! Julia: FAT?! FAT?!
But then it gets a lot less funny...
Julia: If I'm fat, I'm fat where a woman should be fat, not skinny like a boy! Go to bed, my dear, and I'll send you one up. He's very pretty, I promise you, I've had him myself. (cackles) He reminds me of your ex-wife. Not a hair on his body, and he's even skinnier behind. (Tiberius hits her)
Dana: I don't think you're cute, I don't think you're funny, I don't think you're smart, and sometimes I don't think you're very nice. Casey: You don't think I'm funny?!
The Middleman; in the pilot episode, Wendy and The Middleman share this banter:
Wendy: Contractor? What do you do, build strip malls, kill people...? MiddleMan: I never build strip malls.
Gordon: You two-faced lazy little fucker. Vinnie: Lazy?
On a Dutch channel, BNN, there was a short-lived spoof of Jerry Springer called Jimmy Hopper. One of the stagehands was a homosexual. When one of the guests refused to be calmed down by a "Dirty faggot", the stagehand jumped up and screamed "I'M NOT DIRTY!" and attacked the guy. The funniest bit in the program.
When Bones is accused by a judge of claiming a victim was murdered in order to drum up publicity for her "pulp mystery books" (The Double Death of the Dearly Departed) she objects:
Temperance: That man is a fool! They are not pulp!
"I have nothing in common with that fanatical self-promoting jingoistic egomaniacal fundamentalist! I am at least three inches taller."
In a later episode, after gauging comparisons between WWII and the invasion of Georgia, he stated that "Putin is nothing like Hitler. He knows judo."
In the Corner Gas episode "Friend of a Friend", Lacey's friend Connie calls Oscar a "crazy homeless". Oscar's response?
"I'm not homeless!"
Frasier: Frasier explains to his boss the reason Bulldog chewed him out was that he overheard Bulldog repeat a rumor that the sports host was fired.
Frasier: And that's why he came up here and started telling you... Miller: That I'm a drunk, that I'm incompetent at my job, that my wife is a big fat slut! Frasier: That is indefensible! Your wife is not overweight!
German TV show "Kalkofes Mattscheibe" (Kalkofe's tube, meaning the TV) has comedian Oliver Kalkofe parodying other TV shows by dressing up as the protagonists. One of his spoofs of a reality show had the following dialogue:
Frederic Prinz von Anhalt (German b-list celebrity): You're a whore! An old whore!
Kader Loth (another German b-list celebrity): I am NOT old!
Naomi: This is a high risk covert op in unstable territory. It's dodgy enough without having to babysit a head case, ghost buster, anthropologist and a drunk. Abbadon: (referring to Lapidus, the "drunk")
Thelma: (to Naomi) Your idea of a workout is a man, a bed, and a cigarette afterwards! Naomi: That's not true! I've never smoked a cigarette in my life!
In the mini-series John Adams, the title character is listening to his wife indignantly reading a pamphlet attacking his character. After listening to a Long List of supposed character defects, Adams simply replies that he's not "crippled".
Star Trek: The Original Series: One of the funniest parts of the already hilarious "The Trouble with Tribbles" episode, when Scotty explains to Kirk why he started a fight with Klingons on a space station.
Scotty: Well, captain, er, the Klingons called you a tin-plated over-bearing swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood. Kirk: Is that all? Scotty: No sir, they also compared you with a Denebian slime devil. Kirk: I see. Scotty: And then they said that you were... Kirk: I get the picture, Scotty. Scotty: Yes, sir. Kirk: And after they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons. Scotty: No, sir. Kirk: No? Scotty: No, er, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble. Kirk: Oh, yes. Scotty: Well, I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults, aren't we? Kirk: What was it they said that started the fight? Scotty: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow, sir.
There's a similar incident in an episode of Firefly. Simon complains about life aboard ship, including, but not limited to, the food, the captain and his sister. Kaylee only takes offence to his description of Serenity as "garbage".
The incident is parodied in Space Quest V: The Next Mutation, where Cliffy starts a fight with a crewmember from the Goliath for doing the same thing. Roger then points out that their ship is a garbage scow.
Any discussion with Malcolm Tucker is usually filled with insults, but even he has his limits:
Oliver Reeder: Malcolm! You're bullying me, and I dunno why you're bullying me... Malcolm Tucker: How dare you! How dare you! Don't you ever, ever call me a bully! I'm so much worse than that.
More of an Insult Backfire that one... a better example would be Malcolm's attempt to derail Geoff Holhurst's leadership bid:
Malcolm Tucker: First, you've got no credentials — you're so backbench you've actually fuckin' fallen off... secondly, I'm going to tell the Mirror about all the drinking... and thirdly, I'm going to tell the Mail about the affair... and fourthly, you've got a tiny head... Geoff Holhurst: No I haven't!
In The Movie, In the Loop, Malcolm has this response to being called Englishnote he's Scottish.
Malcolm Tucker: "Don't ever call me fucking English again."
Oliver: And you're not bisexual. Jane: I'm sorry? Oliver: I don't buy it. Jane: You don't what? Oliver: And I don't buy the "crazy, wacky Jane" thing. And I don't buy the you 'follow the philosophy of plants' thing. I think you're terrified you're not interesting enough, so you'll make up any old rubbish just to get attention. Do me a favour: look in the mirror. The way you look as if you have to try. Jane: I am so bisexual!
Ms. Heffer: He doesn't want you! You're fat and old and ugly! "Mitzi": Fat and old I may be, but ugly—(hissing)—ugly... ...you're absolutely right, that's why he loves me. C'mere...
Michael: Go upstairs and take a shower, you smell like corn chips and ass. J.R.: I do NOT smell like corn chips.
A variation (possibly an inversion) from Arrested Development, after the publicist has just told the family that Michael is the most likeable member of the family:
Publicist: There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Tobias Fünke: Well, that leaves me out. (silence, everyone stares) Tobias Fünke: She did say single, right? I-I-I thought she said single.
On Gilmore Girls, Logan plays an embarrassing and public prank on Rory, and she's not amused:
Rory: I have no words... Logan: It was just a joke! Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-faced miscreant! Logan: "Butt-faced miscreant"! Rory: Why would you do something like that? Logan: I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"?
He was more amused at her choice of words than objecting, but still.
The Private Life Of Samuel Pepys: "I'm accused of spying for the French, and taking bribes. I never spied for the French!" (A slight variation, in that it IS the most serious charge he objects to.)
From Absolutely Fabulous, Edina is concerned that when she dies, she won't leave a legacy behind:
Edina: What will people remember me by? Through you? I'm supposed to live on through you? (points scornfully towards her daughter Saffy) Saffy: Would you like a statue? Edina: Yes! Saffy: A great big fat ugly armless statue? Edina: I've got arms! I've got arms! (waves both arms frantically in air)
In an episode of Community, Dean Craig Pelton gets called a "non-miraculous son of a bitch."
Theo: Great, I've got a homosexual angel. Mason: I'm not an angel! (long pause) Mason: And I'm not gay, either.
In an episode of Queer as Folk Michael, Justin, Ted, Vic, and Debbie have been reading aloud a newspaper article in which Brian is accused of, among other things, being a pedophile and a "miserable example of a modern gay stereotype." After several of them criticize the article and its author, Brian says he's going to sue the author.
Michael: Take it easy, Brian. Brian: He said I'm 31. I'm 30.
Jack Carter: It's only a matter of time before Allison sees you for who you really are: which is a smug, selfish, Einstein-wannabe with no moral compass and only one functioning kidney. Trevor: Both my kidneys function fine, thank you. Jack Carter:Day's not over, is it?
Hot Lips: (to Henry Blake) Why don't you stop masquerading as a commanding officer? You're nothing but a spineless, mealymouthed, fly-fishing impostor! Trapper: He's not an impostor! Hawkeye: Right. He's a genuine spineless, mealymouthed fly-fisherman.
Jack Malone: You're a stalker, Mr. Hill. You are the principal suspect in a kidnapping case. You've written her I don't know how many letters. You're a drunk, and apparently, you're an idiot. Peter Hill: (indignantly) I am not a drunk.
Red: Kitty, every time we have an empty room, you wanna fill it up with a stray child. You’re like... the old lady who lived in a shoe. Kitty: Did you just call me old?
In the Stargate SG-1 episode "Citizen Joe", after a list of things O'Neill should be denying...
Joe Spencer: You're Brigadier General Jack O'Neill. Head of Stargate Command at Cheyenne Mountain. You used to command SG-1, which is now led by Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. You once visited a planet called Argos, and the nanites in your blood caused you to age artificially. You've had the entire repository of the Ancients' knowledge downloaded into your brain. Twice! You have a thing for The Simpsons, fishing, Mary Steenburgen, the color peridot, and you're a terrible ping pong player. [...] Jack O'Neill: Well, first of all, Joe, I'm not a terrible ping pong player.
In Peep Show, Jeremy calls Sophie's father Ian a "fox-hunting, badger-baiting, tweed shirt, bumfuck homophobe", thinking he can't hear him through the headphones on his metal detector. Later, Ian reveals that he could hear him and tells him, "I may be a homophobe, but I'm no badger baiter."
British cop show Spender has the eponymous Spender assigned to guard a politician whom he personally dislikes. After being called a fascist bastard by a protester and spat on, he corners the protester in the toilets later.
Spender: Now, I don't mind being called a bastard, but I do mind being called a fascist and I take exception to being spat on.
Frankie Boyle: What a very particular list of things! Rob Brydon: Well, that's why it's a list, Frankie. Lee Mack: What's on your rider? "Aye, six cans o' bitter an' a knife!" Frankie Boyle: Yeah, six cans of bitter for a teetotal alcoholic! Lee Mack: Only Frankie Boyle could complain that I said bitter and not even mention the knife! "I'll take the knife, but don' accuse me o' drinkin'!"
In Power Rangers SPD, Anubis "Doggie" Kruger had barely survived nearly being assassinated and he's in the hospital unconscious. As he's there, Dr. Kat Manx is talking to him, trying to encourage him to wake up. In the end, she calls him a "stubborn old dog". The first words Doggie says coming to? "I'm not an old dog".
Benjen: (wrapping up an impressive rant) Half of the boys you saw training out in the yard are going to die come winter. Maybe it will be a wildling that gets them, maybe sickness, maybe just the cold. They'll die in pain, and they'll do it so that plump little lords like you can enjoy their warm summer afternoons down south in the capital. Tyrion: (turning to his drinking companion) ... do you think I'm plump?
Tommy: It's perfect. Ghosts. Anything else you people want to let me in on that goes on around here? Mermen? Aliens? Dracula? Duke: We're not sure about Dracula.
Doctor Who: In "the Greatest Show in the Galaxy", Captain Cook doesn't mind being called a scoundrel or a meddling fool, but "crushing bore" cuts him to the quick.
Yes Minister: In "Party Games", Hacker complains to Maurice from Brussels that one European official pays governments to grow more crops, and then another in the next office pays the governments to destroy them. Maurice replies: "It's not true! He's not in the next office - not even on the same floor!"
In an episode of 30 Rock, Avery is detained in North Korea. Eventually, her captors let her appear on television to explain how she's being treated:
Avery: For the past three weeks, I have been honored to partake in a political reeducation regimen. I have voluntarily taken several floggings for being an arrogant American. Jack: That's okay. She's tough. We do a lot of pirate-themed sexual role play. I'm a parrot. Avery: Also, I spend eight hours a day breaking concrete blocks to learn to be an obedient worker. Jack: No problem. She pays a thousand dollars an hour to do that with her trainer. Avery: And I have concluded that capitalism may be flawed. Jack: WHAT ARE THOSE MONSTERS DOING TO HER?!
Shane: I'll drive up and I'll kill you in your shitty little apartment. And I'll drive over to my club and that'll be it. Courtney: That was really nice. (Beat) I don't have a shitty apartment. Shane: WELL, OBVIOUSLY, DUDE! I'VE NEVER BEEN IN YOUR APARTMENT!
Little Heroes was a mid-1970s show, locally produced by WXON-TV 20 in Detroit. It was an apparent attempt to do a modern version of Hal Roach's Our Gang, aka The Little Rascals. Sadly, the videotaped show probably no longer exists. But the show had two recurring characters of bumbling foreign spies with bad accents (probably Russian, but they never say exactly). A recurring line between them was:
Spy 1: You are ze idiot, you are ze fool, you are za im-be-seel, you...are...za...NERD!
During a feud in ECW, Terry Funk attempted to provoke Cactus Jack into fighting him due to Foley relinquishing his hardcore ways and showing his support for rival company WCW. Funk's initial attempts to call out Foley were unsuccessful as he called Foley's wife, mother, and his children whores in succession. But he successfully managed to provoke Foley to the ring after calling WCW President Eric Bischoff a homo. note This was from the October 1995 show where Cactus accidentally set Funk on fire with his fire chair. In May of 2000, a fan, William Sandborn, who had been accidentally burned in the process, sued. During the trial, Foley admitted that he had lied in his first book and that Funk did not actually call Bischoff a homo. The two did a reprise of this exchange in 2006 in the hype of their upcoming tag team match at ECW One Night Stand 2006. This time, however, Funk's final insult was that WWE sucked, causing Foley to cheap shot Funk with a punch.
A variation (or an aversion) appears in radio comedy About A Dog, after Muriel's lover turns out to be married. Sarah is her daughter:
Sarah: Oh Mum, I'm so sorry. Muriel: Oh, it's my own fault. I'm just a silly old woman. Sarah: Mum, you're not silly. Muriel: (pause) And? Sarah: And you're not an old woman.
Tabletop Games
F.A.T.A.L. provides a real-world example. The author's retort to the game being described as "the date-rape RPG"? That there are no rules included for dating.
Theater
A variation is used in the musical 1776. Abigail Adams recites a list of her faults that her husband sent her in a letter; John insists that he didn't mean most of them, but is forced to admit that "You are pigeon-toed". In a later scene, John begins to list his own faults and Abigail reassures him, but concedes, "You are pigheaded."
An actual honest-to-god historical exchange; it's paraphrased from a series of letters written while they were courting. At first glance, the Adamses had an interesting and slightly tumultuous marriage, but it's only partly true. You just need to read the letters with the right mindset. John and Abigail were pretty much the only happy marriage of any of our founding fathers (the others were either full of tragedy or were political marriages), and they enjoyed the back-and-forth. Honestly, you could say they were the closest thing to soulmates you could find.
Inverted in the 2003 musical Avenue Q, when Lucy the Slut tells a jilted Princeton that she isn't going to cling to "some well hung baby face kid, who leeches from his parents and can't get his act together!", and then stalks haughtily away. Princeton slowly faces the audience and says, "I think I heard a compliment in there!" and proceeds to follow her off-stage.
Natalie: Oh, you're one of those pretentious stoner types. Henry: That's totally unfair!... I'm not pretentious.
In both the film adaptation and the stage version of West Side Story, the Jets are hanging out with their girls and the girls are causing a fuss over being left behind while the Jets go to fight. Action asks while they're still hanging around with these "dumb broads", to which Graziella indignantly responds: "I and Velma ain't dumb!"
Writer: May I remind you, you're a starving, out-of-work actor whom I've generously consented to let appear in my play in an effort to assist your comeback. Actor: Starving, yes... Out of work, perhaps... Hoping for a comeback, maybe — but a drunkard? Writer: I never said you were a drunkard. Actor: Yes, but I'm also a drunkard.
Henne: Looks like her report was right on. "Dumbass poser wearing a black trenchcoat, black hat, red bandana, and fingerless gloves." Haken: What...!? What's wrong with my gloves!?
Cid (the same one) is part of one of these in his own game as well.
Cid: ^$#&! Good for nothing, fat &$#$^@! Palmer: Don't say 'fat'!
Baldus: Nessiah... I have heard it rumored that you are a heartless false prophet. Nessiah: I can understand where the "heartless" part might come from, but I never thought someone would call me "false".
If you let Qara talk to the Caretaker at the Mages Guild:
Caretaker: (to Qara) You're that tavern wench who cleans tables at that dive in the docks district. Player Character: Hey! the Sunken Flagon is not a dive!
Lampshaded when Qara gets cross that you care more about the tavern than her.
A Dream Sequence in Mask of the Betrayer gives us this gem:
Bishop: I take it you gathered up another circus sideshow, then? Does this one sing for his supper? Does he bark like a dog? Or maybe he does a little dance on your command? Knight-Captain: Gann is a good friend and a loyal ally. More than you ever were. Gann: And I can dance and sing quite well, as a matter of fact.
In Prototype 2, Heller's current hacker friend Athena finds a recording of a Blackwatch soldier making a drunken rant about Heller's wife and his own sexual prowess, ending with "You and that pasty hacker cunt will get what's coming to ya. Later, traitor."
Athena: Okay, you need to kill this guy now. Pasty hacker cunt? I am not pasty!
Guybrush: I'm a foul-smelling, grog-swilling pirate. Shopkeeper: Foul-smelling, yes... Grog-swilling, maybe... But a pirate? Don't make me laugh. Come back when you've got some tattoos or a pegleg or at least an eyepatch, for crying out loud.
Speshdiv Robot: Meelord Marone, you are under arrest, for murder, conspiracy to conceal murder, kidnapping, and treason. Mee: Oh, come on man, I only did three of those.
In Homestar Runner, after Homestar eats Strong Bad's "ice cream":
Marzipan: Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's like cottage cheese and The Cheat hair! Homestar: What!? (spit take) Strong Bad told me it was sour cream and The Cheat hair!
Woman in Lost and Found: But who would claim a rotting, scarred, incredibly whiny zombie head? (...) Dave: Whiny? Really?
In Dave's defense, at the time he was a scarred, rotting, zombie head. He won't automatically know about the Whiny Part.
Helen: HA! I knew the Daves had to have dealt with unsavory people! Caliban: Those are some old friends of mine you're insulting. Don't call them "people".
Implied in episode 14 of Keychain of Creation. Secret calls Marena a "bossy overweight oversexed shapeshifting cow", and the comic's title (only visible in the archive page) is "I am not a cow!"
Sandy: I feel like every time I turn around you're doing something stupid, like holding a live grenade while standing knee-deep in radioactive sludge and setting yourself on fire. GordonFrohman: For the record, I'm only ankle deep.
Played with in Ansem Retort, due to a misunderstanding.
Darth Maul: Pandora? Is he calling us box openers? Marluxia: I think he's calling us box openers. Darth Maul: Let's kick his ass!
In Darths & Droids, Anakin and Padme were accused of numerous crimes, including murder, sabotage, and vandalism. Padme protests... the parking violation.
Girl Genius: Master Payne, leader of carnies and con artists, inflicts this trope on a soldier after a tough round in their poker game. Judging by the soldier's lack of reaction until the last shot, it's possible that Payne was triple-bluffing and managed to hit on the truth twice.
Kayleigh: It's better than being a looser dweeb with no initiative, no fashion sense, no job, no prospects and a Buffy-hater to boot! Matt: THAT was a LOW blow!... I loveBuffy.
Unwinder: Reading some manga there? Barbecue Sauce: No. Unwinder: Reading some non-canon comic continuations of old, canceled, BBC science fiction shows? Barbecue Sauce: No! I mean, most fans consider them canon, since they got some of the original writers.
Randall Munroe, who writes xkcd, has used such events as 9/11 and the My Lai massacre to tell a joke. But when he recently insulted anthropologists, the gloves came off!
Nale: Malack, is the Control Winds scroll you cast still active? Malack: Is your vapid devil-whore still keeping you aloft? Sabine: HEY! Who are you calling a devil??
Reversed when Wonderella tells her sidekick an over-the-top story involving her baking a sentient gingerbread man who ran into a portal, having to fight off a giant slug with a salt shaker, and hitching a ride home with a giraffe, the only part Wonderita questioned...was Wonderella baking in the first place..
The next comic has Wonderella's arch enemy Hitlerella capture her, imprison her somewhere far away, and forces her to watch the destruction of New York City due to atom bomb through a satellite feed. What grinds Wonderella's gears? Well...
Hitlerella: Out of this entire scenario. You have a problem. With the TV.
"You are the fat, loud girl's girlfriend," she said. "Puddy's not fat!" I said angrily. Then, my brain caught up with the rest of her sentence, and I added, "And I'm not her girlfriend."
Nostalgia Critic: (after being knocked backwards into a pile of boxes) Who keeps piles of boxes around?! Honestly! Angry Video Game Nerd: Oh, don't you TALK about my boxes! I like boxes! Nostalgia Critic: That's the fuckest thing I ever heard, shit mop! Angry Video Game Nerd: Shitload of fuck. Nostalgia Critic: Fuck monkey! Angry Video Game Nerd: I'm giving you both middle fingers... (does a 360 degree turn and gives The Nostalgia Critic both middle fingers) at full force! Nostalgia Critic: Cow-humping transvestite! Angry Video Game Nerd: Fe-fi-fo-fuck you! Nostalgia Critic: Ass-blower! Angry Video Game Nerd: Ya turd burglar, robble robble robble! Nostalgia Critic: (mocking) Ooh, look at me, I'm the Angry Video Game Nerd... Angry Video Game Nerd: Fuck you, fuck you, dick, dick, dick, dick. You fuck her, you fuck her, dick, dick... Nostalgia Critic: ... I like to do stupid things because I smell bad... Angry Video Game Nerd: Shut up! Shuuuuut up! Shuuuuut up! Nostalgia Critic: You fuckin' little fuck, that's fuck, more fuck than your fuckins that are fucking fuck in a fucking world! Both:FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK... Nostalgia Critic: Cock knocker! Angry Video Game Nerd: (beat) Jerk. Nostalgia Critic:...THAT'S IT!
The Nostalgia Chick doesn't mind being called pitiful, judgmental, a shut-in or even facing the prospect of a painful death at the hands of her former best friend. No, all she cares about is the great insult of being called a nerd.
Ghost, from True Capitalist radio, is often accused of being a racist, shapeshifting jew. His response is always "I'M NOT A JEW!" In one episode, he was assaulted by a caller who, in a parody of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, called him a racist, a fruitbowl, a hambone, and a reptilian. However, Ghost only raged once he brought up "Hannukah night," failing to even notice the line after it accusing him of beating his son.
Another instance has a caller claim there's a party at Ghost's house with "free beer, a mountain of cocaine, and girls under 18". Ghost's response is "I don't do cocaine!". Knowing him, one would think he'd react to the "girls under 18" part.
The people behind The Gentlemen's Rant made a series of videos called The Gentlemen's Response, where they respond to comments left on their YouTube videos. One such comment was "blugh! what is with these same 5 boring, ugly, whiny, deep nasally-voice, depressing, lame joke, dead beat loosers." (sic) They responded by merely pointing out that there's only four of them (Although this is more about pointing out what an idiot the commenter is and disregarding their opinion since they can't count).
This Warriors rp blog got an ask from anonymous saying "I'd date Ajax if he wasn't such a homophic, sexist, misogynistic and racist individual."
Darryl: What criticisms of your game did you hear last year? Alex: Russian, dirty player, no defense, choker, predictable, dirty hitter, no defense, show-off, not team player, choker, Russian, dirty, selfish, bad fashion, bad dancer. Darryl: Whoa, whoa. Wait, what? Alex: I know, right? I dress great, and I'm good dancer!
June: Oh great. It's prince pouty. Where's your creepy grandpa? Zuko: He's my uncle... and he's not here.
In "The King of Omashu":
Sokka: So this crazy king is your old friend Bumi? King: Who are you calling old?!
That one is especially hilarious, because by "old friend" Sokka meant "long-term friend/friend from past times", not "aged". The king then proceeds to add, "Okay, I'm old," making it even better.
"Hurricane Neddy": Ned Flanders goes berserk and insults several of the people who tried unsuccessfully to rebuild his house after a hurricane struck. One can tell he was starting to run out of good insults by the time he got to Moe:
Ned: You ugly, hate-filled man! Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I... um, what was that third thing you said?
"Simpson Tide". When Homer is suspected of having defected to Russia, Grandpa Simpson is interviewed as to whether his son is a Communist:
Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a Communist? His father spoke out on his behalf. Abe: My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, and a Communist, but he is not a porn star!
In a straight example (episode "Sideshow Bob Roberts"), Mayor Quimby was described as an "illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking Spend-o-crat", to which he was shown to reply: "Hey, I am no longer illiterate!" (while watering a cannabis plant in his closet).
An attempt by a cult to brainwash Homer has him being subjected to harsh criticism by several people at once. After gleefully agreeing with insult after hate-filled insult, Moe finally mentions Homer's armpit smell; Homer is about to object, but he gets a whiff himself and promptly changes his tune.
From "The Crepes of Wrath", Bart divulges to a French policeman the various injustices he's suffered while there: the owners of the chateau he's staying at work him to death, they make him sleep on the floor, and they put antifreeze in the wine. His response: "Antifreeze in the wine! That is a very serious crime!"
Something like this trope appears in "Tales from the Public Domain" (one of the anthology episodes), in the rendition of Hamlet (titled "Do the Bard, Man") where King Claudius (played by Moe) sees the play mirroring his murder of Hamlet's father where a character spills poison into the king's ear, he objects, "Hey, I didn't use that much poison!"
In "Fear of Flying", the patrons of Moe's Tavern proceed to play pranks on Moe. Lenny causes him to get bit by a cobra, Barney causes him to be lit on fire, and Homer simply winds up causing some sugar to be spilled. And of course, Homer's prank causes him to be banned from the bar for life.
Barney: We were just messing around, but you went too far!
Medfly: You stupid clumsy idiotic brain-dead yellow imbecile! Duckman: Hey, wait, hold on there buddy!... You really think I'm yellow? I've always seen myself as more a sallow ochre. Here, check the butt feathers.
Smitty: Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. Leela: No one makes fun of my nose!
"Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?":
Leela: Look at you two. No offense, Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap. Fry: (whining) Sack?
"When Aliens Attack", after Amy replaces her stolen bikini top:
Amy: There. How do I look? Farnsworth: Like a cheap French harlot. Amy:French?!
Fry in "War is the H-Word", being dressed down by Zapp for cowering from battle:
Zap: Look, Kif. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly, this man hid in a hole, wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. Fry:That wasn't cowardice!
In "Bender's Big Score" when Professor's doomsday bomb is replaced with a rose and note saying "You've been scammed sweetheart."
Professor: Scammed? Me!? SWEETHEART!?
Played with in "The Farnsworth Parabox":
Amy A: The Professor's right — you are evil. And shallow! Amy 1: I am not evil!
Zim: Despite his huge head, the Dib-monkey is quite stupid. Dib: My head's not big!!
Apparently, people used that one on Dib a lot.
Dib: My head's not big!! Zim: I... didn't say anything about your head.
From South Park, in the episode "Ladder to Heaven":
Congressman: Are you high or just incredibly stupid? President Bush: I assure you — I am not high!
Disney's animated Aladdin series includes the following exchange:
Iago: Don't ya get it, Einstein? You're a has-been! Frijeed: I may be a has-been, but I'm no Einstein!!!
A visual version comes up in an episode of Phineas And Ferb; Phineas mentions they've made a chariot for Candace that looks just like her... and is actually a repulsive gorgon. Candace responds, while wearing a scowl that looks just like the chariot:
Candace: Oh, that's ridiculous! I do not have wheels!
Andy: I run strip clubs and date sleazy women. Shelly: Hey, how's that supposed to make me feel? Andy: Sorry, not women. Woman. Just you. Shelly: Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things.
Porky Pig: T-T-That does it! You web-footed, n-n-no good, two-timing, d-d-double-crossing, d-d-double-dealing, unsanitary old snake in the grass! Daffy Duck:Unsanitary?!
Daffy Duck goes to this well again in the 1953 short Muscle Tussle, after his girlfriend dumps him for a bodybuilder.
Melissa Duck: Goodbye, you scrawny little nine pound weakling. Daffy Duck: How do you like that? Calling me a scrawny little nine pound weakling... when it's perfectly obvious I'm a scrawny little ten pound weakling. Hmph.
James Woods:I would NEVER work with David Spade! That ... dwarf! That ... chicken-shit!
In "The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou", Chris's bully Kyle calls Peter things such as "big, dumb butt-face" and "dorky, fat numb-nuts", but it's only when he calls Peter a "poop-nose" that he gives him a No Holds Barred Beat Down.
Paige: I came for a party and no creepy, weirdo, Goth loser is going to stop me! Darko Crevasse: Oh, come on. I may be, as you say, "creepy", but calling me a Goth is going too far.
Archer: Archer and Lana are in the middle of a gunfight, both in their underwear, and Lana catches Archer staring at her breasts.
Lana: Now? Really? Archer: Oh, right! Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse and said "Help me showcase my intellect!" Lana: Discount? Hello? This is Fiacci!
A variant from Sushi Pack: seeing his scheme working, Titanium Chef crows, "Soon the world will see I'm not a so-so sushi chef, I'm a so-so Evil Genius!"
Darkwing Duck has one of these at the start of the episode "Adopt-a-Con"
Darkwing: I caught that hateful, underhanded, ham, Tuskernini, robbing a bank! Tuskernini: I object, your honour. I am not a ham. Judge: Darkwing Duck, do you have any evidence? Darkwing: These reviews of his performance in Son of MacBeth. Judge: I mean the bank robbery!
When Darkwing is called a second-rate jerk, he objects saying that he's a first-rate jerk.
Queen Athena: I liked how you dealt with the obnoxious one with the big beak. Danger Duck: Hey! I'll have you know my beak is exactly the right size for my head!
Doctor Octopus: Back off, you pea-brained, uncoordinated, absurdly dressed excuse for a man! Scorpion: Who are you callin' absurdly dressed?!note Although this may be Hypocritical Humour on Doc Ock's part
Izzie: If I can handle hand to paw combat with a polar bear, I can handle a bald emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume. Chef Hatchet: Who are you calling a cook!
The following exchange from the My Little Pony episode, "The End of Flutter Valley":
Sting: You're fat, greedy, and selfish, Bumble! You only think of yourself! Queen Bumble: I am not fat!
Spike: Show yourselves, you dogs! You curs! Ah, there you are, you mangy mutts! Diamond Dog: Who are you calling mutts? Unleash the hounds!
An example from the King of the Hill episode "Traffic Jam," at the end of the episode, Hank and Roger are joking with each other using "Yo' Momma" jokes.
Roger 'Booda' Sack: It's been so long since yo' momma's last bath, that her hairy arm pits smell like propane gas! Hank: Now hold on there, fella, a joke's a joke but now you've gone too far. You see propane is actually odorless, what you smell was put there by man for safety reasons...
In one episode of The Marvelous Misadventures Of Flapjack, Peppermint Larry refuses to extend credit to Flapjack and Cap'n K'nuckles because "Everybody knows you don't have any money!" K'nuckles indignantly replies "Stop lyin'! Not everyone knows that."
Variant in Moral Orel (note that he's on his seventh glass of liquor):
Rev. Putty: You're amazing. The beer goggles you have on right now make crucifixion look like Marilyn Monroe. Clay:I never drink beer.
Real Life
When Michael Buckly made fun of rival figure skaters Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir on his YouTube show What the Buck?, declaring that the wannabe-macho Evan and flamboyant Johnny were "totally doing it" and probably texted each other all day, Johnny posted the following message to Buckley's MySpace in response: "Love it, bitch! We totally don't text!"
Byron Hall, author of the disturbing RPG FATAL, objected to an RPG.net review calling it "the date rape RPG", retorting "Another faulty conclusion drawn by Darren. Where is dating included?"
George V of the United Kingdom: "I may be uninspiring, but I'll be damned if I'm alien!" in response to H.G. Wells' remark that the British royal house of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (in addition to being a mouthful) was "uninspiring and alien." George V changed the name of the House to The House Of Windsor, which it remains to this day. Considering how relations were with Germany at the time, he picked the right part to complain about.
Mike Tyson is attributed to have said "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse." Considering that he was convicted of and spent jail time for sexual assault, the first bit is pretty much water under the bridge.
In an interview on the show The Screen Savers, Jhonen Vasquez (creator of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac) responded to host Kevin Pereira's comment that fans considered him "a goth king", saying disdainfully: "King, yeah, but goth... I mean, that's just arrogant."
Sarah Palin called David Letterman's jokes about her daughter "sexually perverted comments made by a 62-year-old celebrity". Letterman responded: "I'm hardly a celebrity".
Max Mosley, Formula One boss and son of British Fascist leader Oswald Mosley sued The News of The World for alleging that he took part in a sadomascochist Nazi-themed orgy with five prostitutes on the grounds that there was no Nazi theme to the event.
Considering who his father was, he took offense to the right part of that allegation.
Didn't stop people from invoking Those Wacky Nazis. Having German army jackets present and people speaking German might have had something to do with that. But how dare people suggest Nazi connotations based on that, eh?
Additionally, he did admit in court that the "sadomasochist orgy with five prostitutes" part of the allegation was essentially correct; it was the allegations of Nazism that constituted the defamation.
A person should be able to do whatever they (and every attendant) feel comfortable with in the privacy of their own sex dungeon without being labeled a Nazi.
A subversion, really. Unless you meet a puritan, the sadomasochistic tendencies or employing the services of a prostitutes may gain you a reputation of a debauched bon-vivant. Being connected with Nazism usually marks you as unredeemably evil.
According to The Other Wiki'sarticle ontoilet paper orientation, the Weekly World News once alleged that, because dictator Kim Jong Il watches the Home Shopping Network, is a member of Oprah's Book Club, and complains about toilet paper that's over instead of under, he is secretly a woman.
"The story's subhead reads, 'Dictator Kim Jong Il is a Woman', although North Korean officials have argued that Kim is not, in fact, a dictator."
Strictly speaking, this is a subversion, since it is morally worse to be a dictator (or dictatrix) than it is to be a woman.
Rue McClanahan had this to say about her iconic role on The Golden Girls: "People always ask me if I'm like Blanche. And I say, 'Well, Blanche was an oversexed, self-involved, man-crazy, vain Southern Belle from Atlanta. And I'm not from Atlanta.'"
During an interview, Tim Schafer once labeled Robert Kotick, Activision's CEO, as "a dick" and "total prick" and accused him of not actually being interested in games, but rather in the money to be had in them, Activision's Response? "Hey, he does like games!"
On a darker note, the first commandant of the Auschwitz concentration camp, Rudolf Höss. When accused of the murder of three and a half million people in the Holocaust, Höss replied, "No. Only two and one-half million—the rest died of disease and starvation."
Lady Gaga once went on The Tonight Show and was asked if there were any annoying rumors she'd like to dispel. Most people expected her to deny mean-spirited rumors she was a hermaphrodite, but she chose just to clarify that she wasn't from Yonkers.
The Westboro Baptist Church protested outside a Bill Maher stand-up gig in Kansas, handing out fliers that referred to him as "Christ-hating half Jew pedophile rape-enabling Catholic Bill Maher." His response on Real Time? "How dare you call me a Catholic!"
William Wallace, when accused of a number of crimes by the English after being captured, only defended himself by saying he is not treasonous, because he never swore loyalty to the English monarchy or any of its servants.
From ThinkGeek.com, in the product description for the d20 soaps: "we are NOT weirdo, basement-dwelling, outcasts who never shower. We do so shower." Which is true. That, and weirdness is relative.
An anti-war British politician once called Christopher Hitchens "a drink-sodden ex-Trotskyist popinjay". Hitchens replied, "Only some of that is true." He later elaborated "He says that I am an ex-Trotskyist (true), a "popinjay" (true enough, since the word's original Webster's definition is a target for arrows and shots), and that I cannot hold a drink (here I must protest)."
After Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot, the shooter was linked to a hate group known as American Renaissance. A government memo reported "The group’s ideology is anti-government, anti-immigration, anti-ZOG (Zionist Occupational Government), anti-Semitic." The head of American Renaissance responded that his group was not anti-Zionist.
Steven Seagal was accused of driving a tank into a man's house, flanked by dozens of police in Riot Gear, and shooting the man's dog, because the man allegedly ran a cockfighting ring. Steven's response? He was outraged that someone would say he'd hurt a dog. (Turns out the dog bit wasn't true after all.)
South Park episode "Go God Go" portrayed Richard Dawkins as a hateful man who has an insane lover Mr Garrison and a bad British accent. The actual man himself, after seeing the episode, complained about the bad British accent.
Howard Hughes was a highly controversial figure due to his eccentricity and, to some extent, his wealth. His synopsis of his fame:
"I'm not a paranoid deranged millionaire. Goddamit, I'm a billionaire."
One controversy that arose from DC Comics' recent New Universe reboot was Teen Titans member Starfire (featured in Red Hood and the Outlaws) being reduced from Action Girl into a sluttyMs. Fanservice. Even the 7-year-old daughter of a comics fan complained about how Star spent the whole comic posing in a bikini and never did anything remotely heroic. DC's response? "Thank you for talking about our comics, but maybe you should monitor what your child reads."
There's an English legal anecdote about a judge who was called a "big-nosed bastard cunt" by an angry defendant. When his wife was told about this, her response was "but you haven't got a big nose".
One of the British politicians jailed over expenses fraud was told by a journalist that people working with him had described him as arrogant, autocratic and rude. Right on schedule he said he didn't think he was rude.
I'm from Orange County, not The OC people, and yes we say like all the time. However I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking that we're all blonde and dumb as a brick. Many of us are brunette :)
Nell Gwyn was the mistress of King Charles II of England. When an angry mob stopped her carriage, calling her a "Catholic whore" (they mistook her for Charles' other mistress, Louise de Kérouaille) she replied "Pray, good people, be civil. I am the Protestant whore."
Any celebrity who appears drunk or high in public and then goes on the record assuring everyone they were NOT drunk or high. It leaves very few options for the public than just assuming that said celebrity is just an idiot as their natural state.
A news report about a Londoner complaining about the missile launchers being installed to defend the 2012 Olympics quoted him as saying "The Ministry of Defence have tried to claim I am a lone nutter. But I am not alone."
A Conservative political group's magazine criticized Dominionist Theologian R. J. Rushdoony for his views- which, they said, included "mandating the death penalty for homosexuals and drunkards." Rushdoony responded with a letter saying he never called for the execution of drunkards.
In 1970, segregationist Georgia governor walked off during an appearance on The Dick Cavett Show due to a comment Cavett made about the "bigots" who had voted for him. After Cavett received an angry letter from one Maddox supporter addressing him as "you little sawed-off faggot Communist shrimp", he replied by writing back and stating, "I am not sawed-off."
The British politician Nigel Farage from UKIP was trying to persuade a woman to vote for his party in the upcoming election when he got heckled by a passerby:
Passerby: Racist homophobes!
Nigel Farage: Homophobes? (laughs) There we are. I don't think we are homophobes...
