I Take Offense to That Last One
"Ugly Dog Theory: In a comedy, whenever someone is being pummeled with insults, it's always the last and most seemingly innocent insult that evokes a heated response. Example: 'You're ugly, your mother is ugly, your brother is ugly and your dog is ugly!' Response: 'You can't talk that way about my dog!'"Someone accused of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking responds, "How dare you? I would never jaywalk!" This very popular comedy trope finds its way into TV shows and movies of almost every genre. After being given a Long List of their flaws and transgressions, a character responds by selecting one of the flaws, and saying "I am not (flaw)!", as if to imply that all the other flaws were all spot-on. For maximum comedic effect, offense is taken to the mildest one in the list, or the offendee has to ask the offender to repeat the one he's offended by ("Hey, I am NOT a... um, what was that last one again?") which insinuates that all of them may be accurate. Frequently, they'll be entirely justified. Despite the name, the character doesn't always pick the last one. If their Berserk Button comes up, it's going to offend them more than any other insult. Often used sarcastically with affable 'scoundrel' characters, and a staple of the Deadpan Snarker. Sometimes refuting the most easily refuted charge can discredit the whole string for an in story audience. Alternatively, a character may take umbrage at all the insults, but address the one that bothers them most rather than get into a point-by-point argument. This can also be used for character exposition. The dragon may not care about being called a brute or a sadist, but be offended by being called a wimp. A variation on this is for the character to claim that the string of insults is a half-truth, letting the viewer try to decide which parts are true or not. Occasionally inverted with a bullying character playing the Jerk with a Heart of Jerk card and "apologizing" for an insult in a way that degrades the insultee(s) more. For example, calling an entire group of people "pigs" and then saying: "I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend any pigs." Or calling someone "ugly" and, when an apology is demanded, saying: "Okay, I'm sorry you're ugly." Compare: My Friends... and Zoidberg, Insult Backfire, and Wrong Insult Offence. This is a case of the character on the receiving end of Comically Missing the Point.
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- One Coke Zero ad shows an eye arguing with a pair of tongues. The eye tells the tongue it's drinking Coke Zero. One of the tongues says, "Know why we don't like you, Eye? Because you're a big, fat liar." The eye gasps. "I am not fat!"
- A TV ad for Helio mobile products had a daughter bring home a man of a different race. She doesn't care about the very offensive things her parents say, but she does get upset over their calling his Helio a "phone".
Anime & Manga
Misty: You can stuff your greedy little face after we find a Pokémon Center!
Ash: My face is little?
- Tokyo Godfathers:
Miyuki: Eat shit, you old fart.
Hana: "Shit" I'll take, but "fart" I won't!
- Toward the beginning of Super Robot Wars Original Generation, newly-Ascended Fanboy Ryusei gets a little too blunt with his Genre Savviness.
Ryusei: Great. My rival's a jerk, and the chick's a nag.
- Kamen no Maid Guy:
Gintoki: Do you hope to get sympathy by faking insanity?
Kagura: Feigning insanity? How rude! I'm not feigning anything!
- YuYu Hakusho, when Yusuke and Hiei are confronted by two demon Mooks.
Hiei: I believe these demons are technically classified as weak and ugly.
Random demon: Who are you calling ugly?!
Chu:"What did you say!? 'The substitutes is just a stinkin' drunk'?! Take that back! I am not a substitute!"
- At the Dark Tournament, after Chu stumbles on stage, he drunkenly yells into the jeering crowd:
Yumichika: Who might you be? It's not my nature to remember ugly faces?
- Subverted when Ganju is offended in everything BUT the ugly comment by Yumichika — even better is that it's lampshaded by Uryu Ishida.
Ganju: The Hell?! Everyone knows I got more handsome with these bandages wrapped around! And even with these bandages, you can't even tell what I look like you dumbass!
Uryu: So you're not gonna deny the ugly part...?
Hitsugaya: You're even shorter than I am!
- Straight when Hiyori is going off on Hitsugaya, throwing insults at his cool façade until something sticks. Tries calling him a stupid, crafty kid, then baldy (ad nauseam), but finally hits his Berserk Button with "midget".
- Nerima Daikon Brothers:
Casting Director: You ugly slut!
Mako: Ugly? UGLY?!
- A variation from Space Pirate Mito. The Galactic Patrol is looking for the main character, Aoi Mitsukuni, and to flush him out, they announce his "crimes" to the general populace, hoping they'll hand him over. In order, this includes being the son of a wanted Space Pirate, seducing woman, being a ten-foot monster (and apparently a gremlin), and disrespecting his parents, since he injured his mother and ran away. Hearing the announcement, his classmates ask if it's true, and Aoi replies, "It's true," but stops short, leading his friends to have Imagine Spots based on the more outlandish claims. (He really meant the last one, though the first is also true).
- Strike Witches:
Perrine: You're like some kind of rabid raccoon-dog hybrid!
- Ranma ˝: Ranma just keeps begging for it.
Ranma: Who'd want to date a stupid selfish cat girl like you?
Shampoo: (pushing Ranma into Koi pond) Shampoo selfish, not stupid.
- Legend of Galactic Heroes:
Walter von Schenkopf: You seem to be saying that I'm a middle-aged scoundrel... I'm still not middle-aged.
- Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei
- In the episode dealing with "criticism training" (i.e. Nozomu have a guy show up and insult the students):
- In one manga chapter, for reasons that make as much sense in context, Nozomu brings in his "second opinion" of his students, who are (mostly note ) gonk guys in wigs who imitate their mannerisms. When the one for Yaoi Fangirl Harumi shows up and announces a Slash pairing preference, Nami muses at how similar they are. Harumi, angrily indicates that she isn't like that- she prefers a different "top", and declares they (the pairings) aren't alike at all. Thus, she implies that this detail is the only one she contests and her response supports the depiction of her as an obsessive Yaoi Fangirl.
- Dragon Ball Kai
Gohan: You're stupid and ugly and... YOU SMELL!
Nappa: (screams) ... I smell?! Why — you — it's not my fault! I've been cooped up in a space pod for a year, what do you expect?!
- From the actual Dragon Ball Z series, we have this exchange from a filler arc at the end of the Cell Saga:
King Kai: Mind your own business, you nosy old hag!
East Kai: You take that back! I am not nosy!
- Infinite Stratos, in the Light Novel:
some random girl: The way Orimura-kun is receiving it isn’t bad neither...
Ichika: (in his mind) Hey, what’s the meaning of that last comment!?
- In the first episode of the English dub of Oh! Edo Rocket Genjiro refers to Akai, a Smug Snake Obstructive Bureaucrat as "Deputy Douchebag". Akai corrects him, complaining that his title is Special Agent, not Deputy.
Naruto: You're nothing but a lousy little pervert!!
Jiraiya: I am NOT a little pervert!
Naruto: Oh yeah? Then tell me, what are you?
Jiraiya: Ah hah hah hah! ...I'm a BIG one.
- In Fullmetal Alchemist (both anime series and the manga), Edward Elric has several scenes in which his adversaries throw insults at him, which he takes coolly... until they point out his height.
Edward: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZED HALF-PINT WHO DIDN'T GROW UP BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRINK MILK?!
- In Slayers, of all the names Xelloss gets called, he's only visibly offended when Filia calls him "garbage".
- The Digimon Adventure 02 dub.
Crabmon: I'll handle this low life, petty, pinched arachnid.Scorpiomon: No one calls me arachnid!
- Happens sometimes with Obélix in the Astérix comics:
Obélix: I may be a traitor, but I am not fat!
- A variation on the theme from Xenozoic Tales: Jack calls Hannah judgemental and light-fingered. She swings the sails of the boat they are on, causing the boat to shift and deposit Jack in the water.
Jack: Now why'd you do that?
Hannah: I don't like being called judgmental.
Jack: You don't argue with light-fingered?
(Hannah swings an oar at him)
- In the Green Lantern Arc "Sinestro Corps War", a variant of this is done for Hal Jordan by someone else. Someone who, incidentally, despises Jordan.
Amon Sur: It's ironic, isn't it, Jordan?
Hal Jordan: What is, Amon? Me about to break your nose with your father's ring?
Amon Sur: You dying here. Killed by Sinestro's army. Alone. You've been despised and abandoned by your corps.
Off-panel voice: Despised is one thing. But abandoned?
The Cavalry: That, the Green Lantern Corps don't do.
- Spider-Man. During JMS' tour on the comic, Peter had a job as a high school science teacher. This exchange followed after he met a particularly troublesome student:
Student: I don't need some old nerd like you helping me out!
Student: I see you didn't argue with the nerd part...
- In the Don Rosa comic "Attaaack!", Donald Duck and Scrooge are listening to somebody else's phone-call, trying to discover attack plans against Scrooge's money bin that way.
Caller 1: Is Scrooge McDuck really a greedy, cheap, stingy, miserly, cranky old wretch of a slavedriver?
Caller 2: He sure is. At least that's what his nephew Donald said.
Scrooge: (completely deadpan) You think I'm old? You wound me.
- Batman and Robin #1:
Bruce: Show some respect. They were your grandparents.
Damian: Just names and dusty frames on the walls to me.
Alfred: I take exception to that. There is not a speck of dust collecting on those portraits.
- Dead-Girl describes the Anarchist as "a scared, self-denying, guilt-ridden, washed-up excuse for a mutant" and follows up by saying he isn't even fun anymore. It was that last one that did it. This is naturally because he recognizes all the previous digs as completely factual.
- Also, when watching a news montage that implicates X-Statix in illegal transactions involving drugs, land scams and MP3's, the Anarchist replies with "MP3's? That's a damned lie!"
- Suicida of Gangreen once called Marshal Law, "A barbed-wire bondage freak, a leather-clad Tinkerbell, a posing asshole Soopah hero". His response? "Call me a fascist pig. Call me a barbed wire bondage freak. Call me a leather-clad tinkerbelle. Call me a posing asshole. Just don't call me a... a... that word." (The word "Superhero" is Marshal Law's Berserk Button. He really hates them.]])
- In the Lucky Luke album Western Circus, Zilch (the baddie) is raising concerns about Mulligan's circus including a lion. Zilch: Are you going to let a drunk and a dilapidated cage be the only safeguards of your children's lives? Mulligan: The cage is not dilapidated!
- In an early issue of Ultimate X-Men, when the X-Men face Magneto's Brotherhood for the first time, Storm gets called a "fat American cow" while trading punches with Toad. Storm (who is Moroccan) promptly knocks him out with a swift high-kick to the jaw, then yells "That's for calling me American, you skinny English jerk!"
- From Norman Osborn's fight with War Machine:
Norman: Crazy? You bet! Evil? Debatable. But stupid? You wound me, sir.
- In JLA, supervillain the Key has taken over the Watchtower and is offended that the Justice League of America 's latest recruit has never heard of him.
The Key: I'm the Key, you junk-food-gobbling, MTV-watching moron!
Connor Hawke: I don't even watch MTV...
- Inverted slightly in Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin receives insulting letters from an anonymous sender. It's Hobbes, naturally. When he receives one that says, "You look like a baboon and smell like one too," he replies.
Calvin: What kind of sick freak would do something like this?!
Hobbes: A reckless exaggerator. You don't look like a baboon...
Calvin: Oh, you're a big help!
- In one early Dennis the Menace (US) comic.
Henry Mitchell: George, I've let you call Dennis some pretty nasty names, and said nothing but when you call our dog "mutt"...
- Bam. Dilbert strip.
- In Doonesbury, when Jeff brings up his interview with a private security contractor:
Joanie: Private security? You mean those big, lawless pinheads in black tees and Ray-Bans who are always creating mayhem.
Jeff: They wear Oakleys, mom. Only State Department weenies wear Ray-Bans.
- Garfield: "I AM NOT EGOTISTICAL!"
- Jon described Garfield as "a fat, worthless cat". Garfield said "that fat part was uncalled for".
- Retail has this variant.
- One Big Happy has the example shown above.
- A Peanuts strip from 1982 shows the latest effort from Snoopy the World-Famous Author:
"'You love hockey more than you love me!' she complained. 'You love those hockey gloves, and shinguards, and skates and elbow pads more than you love me!' 'That's not true!' he said. 'I love you much more than I love my elbow pads.'"
- This exchange in Zits:
Jeremy: You're acting like a jerk, and your girlfriend is a parasite.Hector: Really? I'm acting like a jerk?
- Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series:
Duke: They say you're a loser with a fetish for dressing up like animals.
Joey: I am not a loser!
- In Dragon Ball Z Abridged movies, Picolo seems to get into this with every Quirky Miniboss Squad with varying results.
- In one Good Omens fanfic:
Crowley: That vile angel wantonly seduced me.
Aziraphale: (weakly) I don't think I was wanton.
- From an Axis Powers Hetalia fanfic:
Spain: [England] just said you'd be a pushover in bed. And also that you worship the ground I walk on.
Romano: I am not a pushover, and — and I'm not a pushover!
- A Very Potter Sequel:
Draco Malfoy: My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist. I despise gingers, and Mudbloods. I hate Gryfindor House and my parents work for the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?
Harry Potter: Hate Gryfindor House? Get out of my face, Malfoy!
- On the Kingdom Hearts fanon Wiki, there's an alternate reality called the Nightverse, essentially something along the lines of Kingdom Hearts meets Watchmen where the Darker and Edgier is taken Up to Eleven. In that reality, the group of villains is called The Midnight Syndicate, mostly consisting of the Nobodies of various Final Fantasy characters, but with a few original characters thrown in as well. Two members in particular, Nexko (original character) and Xertra (Terra Branford's Nobody) hate each other beyond any logic, at least by Nobody standards. One exchange between them partially overlaps with Insult Backfire.
Nexko: Get the hell out of my way, you arrogant, retarded, self-centered, immature, power-hungry, lying, reckless, treasonous whore!
Xertra: I am not a retarded whore, asshole.
- The Evangelion: ReDeath gagdub of Neon Genesis Evangelion gave us this immortal exchange between Misato and Ritsuko:
Misato: You take that back!
- The fanfic Rurouni Yahiko has this:
Yahiko: You have a lot of explaining to do, Psycho-Kid!
Soujiro: Oh? I'm not a psycho-kid. That's silly. I'm already twenty-four. I'm not a kid anymore.
Yahiko: ... Which means he didn't deny the "psycho" part at all?
- This Death Note fan comic:
L: Hollywood will be doing a movie now? Does this make Raito-kun feel like a cheap prostitute as well?
Raito: I'm NOT cheap!
L: I am amazed at which part of that statement you find offensive.
- In Who Silenced Elly Patterson:
John: What I wanna talk about is where the Hell do you get off talking about me like that to the cops?!
Liz: Whaddaya mean "Like that?" Do you mean "He did it [killed Elly Patterson]?" or do you mean "He had a temper fit like a spoiled brat because Mom didn't wear herself out eating those awful greaseburgers he loves to choke down night after night?"
John: The "greaseburger" crack, of course. You made me sound like an idiot!
- From the Merlin fic The Dragon's Circle (and is followed by a lampshade):
Merlin: I can go where I please, even if it is to visit a self-involved prat with no manners or sense of propriety.
Arthur: No manners?!
- Hands: Twilight at one point calls Andrew an "indecisive cowardly jerk". Andrew doesn't like being called indecisive.
- In a Bleach fanfic, Yoruichi is brought in as captain of Squad 9, to the objections of most of the members who say they don't want an old, weak, traitor, coward, bitch as their commander. Yoruichi's response:
Yoruichi: Just who in the fuck are you calling old?!
- From The Black Bunny:
Hermione: Stop trying to scare the poor gay Slytherin!Draco: I'm not poor!
- In Diaries of a Madman, Pinkie doesn't mind when Nav compares her to a foal by suggesting she's loud, unmannered, and uncontrollable. She does however protest the assertion that she's "stinky".
- This Portal 2 fancomic has, like in the original, GLaDOS calling Chell a "dangerous, mute lunatic". Chell immediately speaks up, stating she is not mute.
- In Kitsune no Ken: Fist of the Fox, Naruto lays out Ino's less desirable traits to her face. Guess what Ino's most upset by.
Naruto: You're rude, you're bossy, you're impulsive, you're violent, and you drool over a guy who doesn't even give you the time of day!Ino: Hey, don't go insulting Sasuke-kun!
- The Touhou Project fanfic Monsters In Paradise features this exchange between Kanako and Suwako, concerning the recreation that the latter seems to enjoy:
Kanako: You're the size of the village children, and you're behaving like a crazed aerobics instructor. If it weren't for the power you emit, no one would know that you were an elder goddess.Suwako: "Crazed aerobics instructor"? Take that back! I'm not crazed, just unusual!
- After having a good two-hour spar with Ichigo in Sight:
Urahara: I've said it before, Kurosaki-san, though I don't believe you heard me last time—you really are quite a frightening child.Ichigo: Don't call me a child.
Films — Animation
- From Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. Note that in this case, lying is the most relevant. Because he told the truth, Eris has to give the book back.
Eris: You're a selfish, unprincipled liar!
Sinbad: Wait a minute. I didn't lie.
- The Princess and the Frog: Prince Naveen takes offense at being called a philandering bum who spent all his time chasing chamber maids in his ivory tower:
Naveen: It was polished marble...
- From Filmation's Happily Ever After:
Sunburn: Who are you, anyway?
Sunflower: One of the hired help, just like you.
Sunburn: And just who are you calling "hired?"
- All Dogs Go to Heaven 2: "You contemptible canine!" "Don't call me canine!"
- The Lion King has Banzai, who only seems to have a problem with being called stupid after hearing a bunch of insults:
Simba: But Zazu, you told me they're nothing but slobbering mangy stupid poachers.
Zazu: Ix-nay on the oopid-stay...
Banzai: Who you callin' "oopid-stay"?!
- South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Cartman: Kyle, I'm sorry for all those times I called you a stupid Jew. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
- A hilarious reversal of this trope:
Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman, I am a Jew!
Cartman: No, don't be so hard on yourself.
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
- And a borderline case from earlier in the same movie.
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: ... "Jew"?
- The Emperor's New Groove: After one too many exasperating moments with her Minion with an F in Evil, Yzma insults Kronk, calling him a "big stupid monkey," and then she says she never liked his spinach puffs! "Never!" In response to that, even Kronk's shoulder devil does a Heel-Face Turn!
Shoulder Devil: That's it. [cocks trident like a shotgun] She's goin' down!
- Occurs near the beginning of Aladdin.
Prince Achmed: You are a worthless street rat! You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you!Aladdin: I'm not worthless. And I don't have fleas!
Films — Live-Action
- Famously done in The Empire Strikes Back.
Princess Leia: Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking, nerf herder!
Han Solo: Who's scruffy-looking?
- In a deleted/alternate scene from Return of the Jedi, after an Imperial says "Freeze! You Rebel scum!", Han verbally takes indignant offense at being called "scum."
- From Shaun of the Dead:
Liz: You, hang out with my friends? A failed actress and a twat?
Shaun: Well, that's a bit harsh.
Liz: Your words, Shaun!
Shaun: I did not call Diane a failed actress!
- Justified in that calling a friend a "twat" would fall under Vitriolic Best Buds. Bringing up someone is suffering failure in their career, however, is low.
- The Curse of the Black Pearl:
Jack: You sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga, and you're completely obsessed with treasure.
Will: That's not true! I am NOT obsessed with treasure.
Jack: Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
- From Metropolitan:
Jane: You're a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious, and tiresome. And lately, you've gotten just weird. Why should we believe anything you say?
Nick: I'm not tiresome...
- This was even done in Citizen Kane (1941). It should be noted that during the time period this scene takes place, being called an "anarchist" would be like being called a communist or a terrorist. Anarchism was a major revolutionary social movement and one anarchist was responsible for the assassination of William McKinley.
Kane: You long-faced, overdressed anarchist.
Leland: I am not overdressed.
- The Big Lebowski contains this exchange:
Walter: You cannot carry all this negative energy into the tournament.
The Dude: Fuck the tournament. Fuck you, Walter.
Walter: "Fuck the tournament!?"
- Done in They Call Me Trinity where Trinity is explaining to Bambino (his brother) why they had to beat somebody up.
Trinity: He called our mother an old (whispers)...
Bambino: She is.
Trinity: She's not that old.
- Tall Tale: You can insult Pecos Bill to his face, or you can insult his mama or his horse. But don't ever insult Texas or you'll regret it.
Helena: You useless, cake-hogging coward!
Valentine: I did not hog those cakes!
- 25th Hour:
Monty: You fat Russian fuck.
Novotny: Fat Ukrainian fuck!
- Die Hard: Hans Gruber is not a common thief, he is an exceptional thief. And since he's moving up to kidnapping, she should be more polite.
- Freddy Got Fingered:
Jim: You want Daddy to give you a spanking in front of this retard slut whore?
Betty: I'm not retarded!
- Major Payne:
Emily: And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, dictatorial, egomaniacal, frigid lunatic ASSHOLE!
Major Payne: I ain't frigid.
- Inverted in The Peacemaker (1987).
Julia: You will not take action without authorization!
Devoe: What do you think I am — some gung-ho, stupid son of a bitch?
Julia: No! I don't think you're stupid...
- Played with in Ocean's Eleven (the remake):
Tess: You're a liar and a thief.
Danny: I only lied about being a thief. Besides, I don't do that anymore.
- Slight variation in Chasing Amy.
Alyssa: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
Banky: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?
- Mister Roberts:
Doug Roberts: Frank, I like you. There's no getting around the fact that you're a real likable guy.
Ensign Pulver: Yeah? Yeah!
Pulver: But what?
Roberts: Well, I also think you're the most hapless, lazy, disorganized, and in general most lecherous person I've ever known in my life.
Pulver: I am not!
Roberts: You're not what?
Pulver: I am not disorganized!
- In The Men Who Stare at Goats, we have Bill Django's trial:
Larry: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...Bill: [Furious] THAT'S A LIE!Larry: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.Bill: That... [a beat] ...well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.
- In & Out combines this with Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking during a clip from the fake Oscar-winning movie To Protect and Serve (which is itself a spoof of Oscar Bait cliche. In the fake movie, Danny is a gay soldier who's being drummed out of the service after being outed. The following exchange occurs during a climactic military tribunal:
Attorney: Your sergeant came across the following items in your footlocker. Will you kindly tell the court if they are yours. A letter to another soldier?
Danny: Yes, sir.
Attorney: A photograph signed "Danny, San Francisco"?
Danny: Yes, sir.
Attorney: An autographed copy of Beaches, starring Bette Midler?
Danny: GIVE THAT BACK!
- Inverted in Iron Man 2. Nick Fury and Tony Stark are going over the latter's evaluation for the Avengers Initiative. Stark is reading it, denying every flaw that is listed until he gets to...
Tony Stark: "Textbook... narcissism"? (looks at Fury)
Nick Fury: (level stare)
Tony Stark: ... Agreed.
- Car Wash:
Duane: Will you please get out of my face, you sorry-looking faggot.
Lindy: Who you calling "sorry-looking"?
- Love Stinks:
Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.
Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?!
Chelsea: I am not in denial!
- From the live-action film of Death Note:
Lind L. Tailor: Kira, you yourself are a hypocritical, vile, and immature criminal.
Light Yagami: Immature?
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as Charlie is shining Wonka's shoes:
Charlie: (Not aware he is speaking to Wonka) I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut.
Wonka: (throws down the newspaper he's reading) I do not!
- In The Room, combined with an Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking.
Claudette: Well, at least you have a good man.
Lisa: You're wrong. He didn't get his promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me.
Claudette: Johnny doesn't drink.
- Though in all fairness, this was likely meant as "If you're lying about that, you might be lying about his hitting you" - except we do see him drink.
- In the Laurel and Hardy short One Good Turn, Ollie discovers an (untrue) treachery of Stan's and rails at him:
Ollie: You snake in the grass! You Judas! You...you...
Stan: Stop! Don't call me a you-you!
- Done in Braveheart, when one of the king's advisors tells the princess in Latin that William is a lying savage. William pulls a Bilingual Backfire and replies in Latin that he never lies, but he is a savage. Then, for good measure, offers to continue the conversation in the princess's native French.
- Woody Allen's Love and Death:
Anton: Grushenko? Isn't he the young coward all St. Petersburg is talking about?
Boris: I'm not so young. I'm thirty-five.
- In OSS 117: Lost in Rio, 117 is told that he's misogynistic and borderline racist, but objects to being called a tacky dresser.
- In The Quick and the Dead, Herod is more offended at Cort telling the Lady to back out of the tournament—rather than how, immediately after, that they argue over which one of them will kill him.
- From The Great McGinty:
McGinty: Listen, you fat little four-flusher!
The Boss: Fat? (they start fighting)
- From The Dark Knight Rises:
John Daggett: You're a dumb bitch!
Catwoman: No one's ever accused me of being dumb before.
- In Bruges combines this with Even Evil Has Loved Ones and a whole lot of crude language.
Ken: Harry, I'm not being funny here, and I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You've always been a cunt, you're always going to be a cunt, and the only thing that's going to change is you're going to become an even bigger cunt. And maybe have a few more cunt kids.
Harry: You fucking retract that statement about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract the statement about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insulting my fucking kids?! That's going overboard, mate!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?
- In Revenge of the Nerds, Stan Gable taunts Ogre to get him to raise the barbell he's trying to lift:
Stan: Get it up! Come on! You're shit! You're nothin'! You're scum! You suck! YOU'RE NICE!Ogre (finally lifting barbell): NO, I'M NOT!
- In The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, Simon confronts his friend Clary about her suspicious-looking, tattooed new associate Jace when Jace steps out of the room:
Simon: *whispering* Your mom is gone, and you're hanging out with some dyed-blond-wanna-be-goth-wierdo?...Jace: *re-entering room with a phone* You need to check this. Oh, and for the record, my hair is naturally blond.
- In Laurel Canyon, Christian Bale sarcastically thanks his mother (Frances McDormand) for encouraging his fiancee (Kate Beckinsale) to fit in, noting that she's spending her time getting stoned and reading Spin magazine. His mother retorts, "I've never read Spin."
- In the Bobbie Faye series, Bobbie's response to being accused of blowing things up is that she hasn't... recently.
Cosmo half-turned, to make certain the crowd heard everything he said. "You are a thief, Mr. Lipwig. A cheat and a liar, and embezzler and have no dress sense whatsoever."
"I say, that's a bit on the harsh side," said Moist as the men swept through. "I happen to think I dress rather snappily!"
- This is probably intentional on Lipwig's part.
- Little Women. You can call Jo March just about anything and she'll huff a little and take it... but don't try to call her a young lady.
- Hercule Poirot. You can call him annoying, you can call him meddling, you can call him troublesome, you can call him short, but don't call him French. Truth in Television: This is, indeed, a Berserk Button for many Belgians; like calling a Canadian American or a New Zealander Australian.
- In Sandy Mitchell's Ciaphas Cain novels, Cain writes that the Inquisitors don't like bribery and intimidation, because they resent people infringing on their methods. Inquisitor Amberly Vail writes in a footnote that they are, of course, above such petty emotions as resentment.
- From Christopher Moore's Island of the Sequined Love Nun:
"I get you out of typhoon alive and you just yell and say bad things. I quit. You get new navigator. Roberto say you mean, nasty, Chevy-driving, milk-drinking, American dog fucker."
"I don't drink milk," Tuck said. Ha! Won that round.
- Artemis Fowl, while traveling to the past, and finding Mulch before they met calls Mulch Diggums "my pungent friend". Mulch says, "Don't call me friend."
- A hilariously values-dissonant example in To Kill a Mockingbird: Jem is worried about a gang coming after his father, and Atticus assures him that there have never been any gangs in Maycomb. Jem says the Ku Klux Klan "got after some Catholics one time." Atticus says, "Never heard of any Catholics in Maycomb either."
- In L. Jagi Lamplighter's Prospero in Hell, Ulysses is deeply offended that an article describing him as a murderer says that his name came from James Joyce's book and not Homer
- Done brilliantly in a A Song of Ice and Fire, when Brienne calls Jaime a monster.
"A man who would violate his own sister, murder his king, and fling an innocent child to his death deserves no other name."
"Innocent? The wretched boy was spying on us."
- In the Wizard in Rhyme series, following an unusual entrance and some accidental magic, Matt is accused of being an evil sorcerer on grounds of conjuring a thunderstorm, turning base metal to silver, flooding the job market with unskilled workers and turning an innocent baker into a toad. He's quick to point out that the toad story is slander.
- In the picture book Betty Bunny Didn't Do It, after the title character breaks a lamp, she blames it on the Tooth Fairy. Her brother Henry calls her a big fat liar and she runs into the kitchen and whines to her mom "Mommy, Henry called me fat!"
- The Dresden Files:
- In Death Masks, Thomas brushes off Ortega's contemptuous sneers and most of Harry's lip, but objects to being told his outfit looks like something Michael Jackson might wear.
- In Proven Guilty, Harry calls Murphy a "savvy cop chick". Murphy objects to "cop chick" and Harry amends it to "police chick" and she is fine with that.
- From Absolutely Fabulous, Edina is concerned that when she dies, she won't leave a legacy behind:
Edina: What will people remember me by? Through you? I'm supposed to live on through you? (points scornfully towards her daughter Saffy)
Saffy: Would you like a statue?
Saffy: A great big fat ugly armless statue?
Edina: I've got arms! I've got arms! (waves both arms frantically in air)
- Angel is particularly sensitive to this. Example in episode "Conviction":
Bad Guy: You pathetic, little fairy.
Angel: Hey! I am not little.
- In the comics, Faith screws up. Again. This time working as a bodyguard for Kennedy. She's protecting a wannabe rock star, who is into underage girls, when her father storms in and Faith finds this out she attacks him, the rocker turns into a demon, and Kennedy has to intervene. When Faith explains what happened she is most upset not that their client was attacked but the suggestion she condones what he did.
- A variation (possibly an inversion) from Arrested Development, after the publicist has just told the family that Michael is the most likeable member of the family:
Publicist: There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town.
Tobias Fünke: Well, that leaves me out.
(silence, everyone stares)
Tobias Fünke: She did say single, right? I-I-I thought she said single.
- Battlestar Galactica:
John Cavil: Yes, but Fives in general haven't been that impressive thus far. One of your counterparts managed to get himself outted back on Ragnar Station.
Aaron Doral: I can't understand how he was discovered... I heard it was Dr. Baltar.
Cavil: Well, I'm not talking about that exactly. I'm talking about the fact that you're walking around this fleet wearing that jacket, and more importantly, that face. You're recognizable.
Doral: Uh... Well... His jacket was burgundy... This is teal...
- On a Dutch channel, BNN, there was a short-lived spoof of Jerry Springer called Jimmy Hopper. One of the stagehands was a homosexual. When one of the guests refused to be calmed down by a "Dirty faggot", the stagehand jumped up and screamed "I'M NOT DIRTY!" and attacked the guy. The funniest bit in the program.
- When Bones is accused by a judge of claiming a victim was murdered in order to drum up publicity for her "pulp mystery books" (The Double Death of the Dearly Departed) she objects:
Temperance: That man is a fool! They are not pulp!
- The Colbert Report
"I have nothing in common with that fanatical self-promoting jingoistic egomaniacal fundamentalist! I am at least three inches taller."
- In a later episode, after gauging comparisons between WWII and the invasion of Georgia, he stated that "Putin is nothing like Hitler. He knows judo."
- In an episode of Community, Dean Craig Pelton gets called a "non-miraculous son of a bitch."
Craig: Non-miraculous? Abed...
- In the Corner Gas episode "Friend of a Friend", Lacey's friend Connie calls Oscar a "crazy homeless". Oscar's response?
"I'm not homeless!"
- From Coupling:
Oliver: And you're not bisexual.
Jane: I'm sorry?
Oliver: I don't buy it.
Jane: You don't what?
Oliver: And I don't buy the "crazy, wacky Jane" thing. And I don't buy the you 'follow the philosophy of plants' thing. I think you're terrified you're not interesting enough, so you'll make up any old rubbish just to get attention. Do me a favour: look in the mirror. The way you look as if you have to try.
Jane: I am so bisexual!
- From Dead Like Me:
Theo: Great, I've got a homosexual angel.
Mason: I'm not an angel!
Mason: And I'm not gay, either.
- Doctor Who: In "the Greatest Show in the Galaxy", Captain Cook doesn't mind being called a scoundrel or a meddling fool, but "crushing bore" cuts him to the quick.
Ephram: Ever since Mom died you've been acting like a moron. You grow that ugly-ass beard, you uproot your family and move us out to the middle of Nowhereswille, and why? Because someone once told you it's pretty? You're insane!
Dr. Brown: I can't believe you think my beard is ugly.
- From Eureka:
Jack Carter: It's only a matter of time before Allison sees you for who you really are: which is a smug, selfish, Einstein-wannabe with no moral compass and only one functioning kidney.
Trevor: Both my kidneys function fine, thank you.
Jack Carter: Day's not over, is it?
- In an episode of Father Ted, Ted and Dougal are trying to hide a huge amount of rabbits from Bishop Brennan, whose terrified of them:
Dougal: (shouting up the stairs) Ted! Did Len find the rabbits?
Bishop Brennan: What did he say?!!
Ted: Look, I'd better tell you . . .
Bishop Brennan: Did he call me Len again?!
- In Firefly Mal is offended at being called a "petty thief".
Mal: Petty!?Inara: I didn't mean petty.Mal: What did you mean?Inara: Suoxi?Mal: That's Chinese for Petty.
- Frasier: Frasier explains to his boss the reason Bulldog chewed him out was that he overheard Bulldog repeat a rumor that the sports host was fired.
Frasier: And that's why he came up here and started telling you...
Miller: That I'm a drunk, that I'm incompetent at my job, that my wife is a big fat slut!
Frasier: That is indefensible! Your wife is not overweight!
- In an episode of Full House, Stephanie was stood up for a date, and her father Danny ran into the guy while at school making a delivery for the food drive. Rumors circulated about Danny doing a long list of things, including threatening the guy with canned ham. He protested that it was, in fact, Spam, but took a while on dispelling the other rumors.
- Friends: Ross bemoans "old windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches". When it's immediately implied this could refer to him, Ross objects "these aren't suede".
- Game of Thrones:
Benjen: (wrapping up an impressive rant) Half of the boys you saw training out in the yard are going to die come winter. Maybe it will be a wildling that gets them, maybe sickness, maybe just the cold. They'll die in pain, and they'll do it so that plump little lords like you can enjoy their warm summer afternoons down south in the capital.
Tyrion: (turning to his drinking companion) ... do you think I'm plump?
- On Gilmore Girls, Logan plays an embarrassing and public prank on Rory, and she's not amused:
Rory: I have no words...
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-faced miscreant!
Logan: "Butt-faced miscreant"!
Rory: Why would you do something like that?
Logan: I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"?
- Subverted in The Goodies, "Caught in the Act". Context: Tim is in drag, calling himself 'Mitzi', and has gotten into a fight with a woman named Ms. Heffer regarding Graeme who Tim pretends is his lover.
Ms. Heffer: He doesn't want you! You're fat and old and ugly!
"Mitzi": Fat and old I may be, but ugly—(hissing)—ugly... ...you're absolutely right, that's why he loves me. C'mere...
- Haven, from the 2012 Halloween episode:
Tommy: It's perfect. Ghosts. Anything else you people want to let me in on that goes on around here? Mermen? Aliens? Dracula?
Duke: We're not sure about Dracula.
- In an episode of Hells Kitchen (US Season 3):
Gordon: You two-faced lazy little fucker.
- "He called me a cheap whore and a thief!" MacLeod: <looks> "I was NEVER cheap." There's also the incident where Amanda won a gambling club from its owner, and refused to give him the chance to win it back. The man loses his temper: "No thieving French harlot with a coiffure is going to cheat me out of my club!" Amanda slaps him hard, and says: "I'm not French!"
- In How I Met Your Mother, Robin tells Marshall that he has to learn that NYC is not all Sesame Street like his crime-free, podunk, backwater, inbred hick town in Minnesota, and Marshall insists that they are not crime free. In 1976, the general store cashier was held up at hoe-point.
- I, Claudius
Tiberius: Let me go, you fat, drunken cow!
- In the second episode, Julia and Tiberius are unhappily married. When Julia wants sex:
Julia: FAT?! FAT?!
Julia: If I'm fat, I'm fat where a woman should be fat, not skinny like a boy! Go to bed, my dear, and I'll send you one up. He's very pretty, I promise you, I've had him myself. (cackles) He reminds me of your ex-wife. Not a hair on his body, and he's even skinnier behind. (Tiberius hits her)
- But then it gets a lot less funny...
- In the mini-series John Adams, the title character is listening to his wife indignantly reading a pamphlet attacking his character. After listening to a Long List of supposed character defects, Adams simply replies that he's not "crippled".
- German TV show Kalkofes Mattscheibe (Kalkofe's tube, meaning the TV) has comedian Oliver Kalkofe parodying other TV shows by dressing up as the protagonists. One of his spoofs of a reality show had the following dialogue:
Frederic Prinz von Anhalt (German b-list celebrity): You're a whore! An old whore!Kader Loth (another German b-list celebrity): I am NOT old!
- In the episode "Responsible" of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a female teenage suspect tells Munch to "Shut up, you Dirty Old Man!"
Munch: Who are you calling Old?
- In The League of Gentlemen, Pauline is called a "psychotic 50-year-old lesbian." Her response? "How dare you! I'm 48!"
- Leverage: Sterling calls Nate a "common criminal". Nate is a criminal, but he objects to the "common".
- From Life on Mars:
Gene Hunt: Yeah, well, as for me, I slept like a baby! (flops back down onto the bed)
Sam Tyler: Yeah, a twenty stone baby. Burps, snores and farts.
Gene Hunt: (sitting bolt upright) I do NOT snore!
- Little Heroes was a mid-1970s show, locally produced by WXON-TV 20 in Detroit. It was an apparent attempt to do a modern version of Hal Roach's Our Gang, aka The Little Rascals. Sadly, the videotaped show probably no longer exists. But the show had two recurring characters of bumbling foreign spies with bad accents (probably Russian, but they never say exactly). A recurring line between them was:
Spy 1: You are ze idiot, you are ze fool, you are za im-be-seel, you...are...za...NERD!Spy 2: I am NOT za nerd!!
- A variation in Lost:
Naomi: This is a high risk covert op in unstable territory. It's dodgy enough without having to babysit a head case, ghost buster, anthropologist and a drunk.
Abbadon: (referring to Lapidus, the "drunk")
- Mamas Family:
Thelma: (to Naomi) Your idea of a workout is a man, a bed, and a cigarette afterwards!
Naomi: That's not true! I've never smoked a cigarette in my life!
- A M*A*S*H episode has a variation of this.
Hot Lips: (to Henry Blake) Why don't you stop masquerading as a commanding officer? You're nothing but a spineless, mealymouthed, fly-fishing impostor!Trapper: He's not an impostor!Hawkeye: Right. He's a genuine spineless, mealymouthed fly-fisherman.Henry: (chuckling) Pierce, you're the limit.
- The Mentalist: When Patrick Jane finally has his confrontation with Serial Killer Red John, he describes him as an "evil, sexually perverted sociopath with delusions of grandeur", Red John responds, hurt, that they are not mere delusions.
- The Middle: In "Dollar Days", when Frankie, after a fruitless day of job interviews, asks her kids for one word to describe her. They offer "lazy", "angry" and "tired", prompting Mike to defend her:
Mike: The reason your mother is tired, lazy and irritable is because of you kids.Frankie: No one ... said ... irritable (walks offscreen).
- The Middleman; in the pilot episode, Wendy and The Middleman share this banter:
Wendy: Contractor? What do you do, build strip malls, kill people...?
MiddleMan: I never build strip malls.
- Mike & Molly: In "Fish for Breakfast", Carl's latest girlfriend (who thought she was going to a party) refers to Mike and Vince (Mike's mother-in-law's fiance) as "two gay guys eating a banana split". Mike protests that he hasn't had a bite of the banana split.
- From the (in)famous "Gollum award rant" at the MTV Movie Awards (when Gollum won "Best Virtual Performance"):
Gollum: Piss off, Serkis, you stupid, fat (BLEEP)ing turd!
Andy Serkis: I'm- I'm not fat!
- My Wife and Kids
Michael: Go upstairs and take a shower, you smell like corn chips and ass.
J.R.: I do NOT smell like corn chips.
- On the final episode of Night Court, Dan dreams he's being put on trial by all the women he's humped & dumped over the years. One of them yells, "Dan Fielding, you're a big fat liar!" Dan counters, "I am not fat!"
- In Peep Show, Jeremy calls Sophie's father Ian a "fox-hunting, badger-baiting, tweed shirt, bumfuck homophobe", thinking he can't hear him through the headphones on his metal detector. Later, Ian reveals that he could hear him and tells him, "I may be a homophobe, but I'm no badger baiter."
- In one episode of Police Squad! Frank tries to taunt a boxer with all sorts of insults, to which the man smiles and turns the other cheek, and when Frank finally gives up and says, "Forget it!" that suddenly sets the man off and accidentally does the trick.
- In the Porridge episode "A Day Out":
Godber: You talk with your mouth full. You whistle out of tune. You snore. You spit.Fletcher: How dare you! I do not whistle out of tune!
- In Power Rangers S.P.D., Anubis "Doggie" Kruger had barely survived nearly being assassinated and he's in the hospital unconscious. As he's there, Dr. Kat Manx is talking to him, trying to encourage him to wake up. In the end, she calls him a "stubborn old dog". The first words Doggie says coming to? "I'm not an old dog".
- Power Rangers Jungle Fury:
Casey: You're a pretty good teacher, for an uptight, egocentric neat freak.Theo: Hey. There's nothing wrong with being neat.
- Power Rangers Jungle Fury:
- The Private Life Of Samuel Pepys: "I'm accused of spying for the French, and taking bribes. I never spied for the French!" (A slight variation, in that it IS the most serious charge he objects to.)
- The Professionals:
Bodie: Permission to be admiringly insolent, sir. You're a brave old bastard.
Cowley: Permission denied. Anyway, it's inaccurate. I'm not brave.
- Psych plays with this in episode 3-4, "The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable":
Shawn: (to Gus) ...Sort of like I call you "Black Star" or "Home Skillet" or "Big Baby Burton."Gus: Don't ever call me "Home Skillet."
- In an episode of Queer as Folk Michael, Justin, Ted, Vic, and Debbie have been reading aloud a newspaper article in which Brian is accused of, among other things, being a pedophile and a "miserable example of a modern gay stereotype." After several of them criticize the article and its author, Brian says he's going to sue the author.
Michael: Take it easy, Brian.
Brian: He said I'm 31. I'm 30.
- The Sarah Silverman Program:
Girl: What do you know about talent? You're unemployed, single, over 30 and you severely overestimate your cuteness!
Sarah: I choose to be over 30!
- From Scrubs:
Keith: (to Elliot) Goodnight, you skanky, straw-haired pig whore.
Carla: (consoling Elliot) C'mon, you're not straw-haired.
Elliot: I know...
- British cop show Spender has the eponymous Spender assigned to guard a politician whom he personally dislikes. After being called a fascist bastard by a protester and spat on, he corners the protester in the toilets later.
Spender: Now, I don't mind being called a bastard, but I do mind being called a fascist and I take exception to being spat on.
- From Sports Night:
Dana: I don't think you're cute, I don't think you're funny, I don't think you're smart, and sometimes I don't think you're very nice.
Casey: You don't think I'm funny?!
- In the Stargate SG-1 episode "Citizen Joe", after a list of things O'Neill should be denying...
Joe Spencer: You're Brigadier General Jack O'Neill. Head of Stargate Command at Cheyenne Mountain. You used to command SG-1, which is now led by Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. You once visited a planet called Argos, and the nanites in your blood caused you to age artificially. You've had the entire repository of the Ancients' knowledge downloaded into your brain. Twice! You have a thing for The Simpsons, fishing, Mary Steenburgen, the color peridot, and you're a terrible ping pong player.
Jack O'Neill: Well, first of all, Joe, I'm not a terrible ping pong player.
- Star Trek: The Original Series: One of the funniest parts of the already hilarious "The Trouble with Tribbles" episode, when Scotty explains to Kirk why he started a fight with Klingons on a space station.
Scotty: Well, captain, er, the Klingons called you a tin-plated over-bearing swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood.
Kirk: Is that all?
Scotty: No sir, they also compared you with a Denebian slime devil.
Kirk: I see.
Scotty: And then they said that you were...
Kirk: I get the picture, Scotty.
Scotty: Yes, sir.
Kirk: And after they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons.
Scotty: No, sir.
Scotty: No, er, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.
Kirk: Oh, yes.
Scotty: Well, I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults, aren't we?
Kirk: What was it they said that started the fight?
Scotty: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow, sir.note
- There's a similar incident in an episode of Firefly. Simon complains about life aboard ship, including, but not limited to, the food, the captain and his sister. Kaylee only takes offence to his description of Serenity as "garbage".
- He was just being ironic, is what.
- The incident is parodied in Space Quest V: The Next Mutation, where Cliffy starts a fight with a crewmember from the Goliath for doing the same thing. Roger then points out that their ship is a garbage scow.
- There's a similar incident in an episode of Firefly. Simon complains about life aboard ship, including, but not limited to, the food, the captain and his sister. Kaylee only takes offence to his description of Serenity as "garbage".
- A variation from Strangers with Candy that only that show could've produced:
"YOU ARE A BIG, DUMB, STUPID, FAT ZERO FATTY!"
- The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, "The Summer of Out Discontent":
London Tipton: Ew, you mean I'm on a date with a greasy bag boy?
Cody's Boss: That's greasy assistant manager.
- In an episode of Survivor: Panama, this happens.
Shane: I'll drive up and I'll kill you in your shitty little apartment. And I'll drive over to my club and that'll be it.
Courtney: That was really nice. (Beat) I don't have a shitty apartment.
Shane: WELL, OBVIOUSLY, DUDE! I'VE NEVER BEEN IN YOUR APARTMENT!
- That '70s Show:
Red: Kitty, every time we have an empty room, you wanna fill it up with a stray child. You’re like... the old lady who lived in a shoe.
Kitty: Did you just call me old?
- That's My Bush!
Barbara: Darling, I just don't want that slut messing it up.
- Used twice in the episode "Mom 'E'.D.E.A. Arrest":
George: Now Mom! [Laura] is NOT...gonna mess it up.
Barbara: Don't you tell me to relax, you stupid two-dollar truck-stop slut!
Laura: ...Two dollars?
- The Thick of It
Oliver Reeder: Malcolm! You're bullying me, and I dunno why you're bullying me...
- Any discussion with Malcolm Tucker is usually filled with insults, but even he has his limits:
Malcolm Tucker: How dare you! How dare you! Don't you ever, ever call me a bully! I'm so much worse than that.
Malcolm Tucker: First, you've got no credentials — you're so backbench you've actually fuckin' fallen off... secondly, I'm going to tell the Mirror about all the drinking... and thirdly, I'm going to tell the Mail about the affair... and fourthly, you've got a tiny head...
- More of an Insult Backfire that one... a better example would be Malcolm's attempt to derail Geoff Holhurst's leadership bid:
Geoff Holhurst: No I haven't!
Malcolm Tucker: "Don't ever call me fucking English again."
- In The Movie, In the Loop, Malcolm Tucker has this response to being called a "little English bitch", then a "scary little poodlefucker", and finally a "squeezed dick" by an American general.note
- In an episode of 30 Rock, Avery is detained in North Korea. Eventually, her captors let her appear on television to explain how she's being treated:
Avery: For the past three weeks, I have been honored to partake in a political reeducation regimen. I have voluntarily taken several floggings for being an arrogant American.
Jack: That's okay. She's tough. We do a lot of pirate-themed sexual role play. I'm a parrot.
Avery: Also, I spend eight hours a day breaking concrete blocks to learn to be an obedient worker.
Jack: No problem. She pays a thousand dollars an hour to do that with her trainer.
Avery: And I have concluded that capitalism may be flawed.
Jack: WHAT ARE THOSE MONSTERS DOING TO HER?!
- Top Gear: James May has reviewed a Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe and commented that he thinks it suits him because it's stylish and contemporary.
- Without a Trace:
Jack Malone: You're a stalker, Mr. Hill. You are the principal suspect in a kidnapping case. You've written her I don't know how many letters. You're a drunk, and apparently, you're an idiot.
Peter Hill: (indignantly) I am not a drunk.
- Would I Lie to You?, on the subject of rider lists:
Frankie Boyle: What a very particular list of things!
Rob Brydon: Well, that's why it's a list, Frankie.
Lee Mack: What's on your rider? "Aye, six cans o' bitter an' a knife!"
Frankie Boyle: Yeah, six cans of bitter for a teetotal alcoholic!
Lee Mack: Only Frankie Boyle could complain that I said bitter and not even mention the knife! "I'll take the knife, but don' accuse me o' drinkin'!"
- Yes, Minister: In "Party Games", Hacker complains to Maurice from Brussels that one European official pays governments to grow more crops, and then another in the next office pays the governments to destroy them. Maurice replies: "It's not true! He's not in the next office - not even on the same floor!"
- During a feud in ECW, Terry Funk attempted to provoke Cactus Jack into fighting him due to Foley relinquishing his hardcore ways and showing his support for rival company WCW. Funk's initial attempts to call out Foley were unsuccessful as he called Foley's wife, mother, and his children whores in succession. But he successfully managed to provoke Foley to the ring after calling WCW President Eric Bischoff a homo. note The two did a reprise of this exchange in 2006 in the hype of their upcoming tag team match at ECW One Night Stand 2006. This time, however, Funk's final insult was that WWE sucked, causing Foley to cheap shot Funk with a punch.
- After CM Punk calls John Laurinaitis a typical middle management, boring, out of touch, suck-up Yes-Man:
Laurinaitis: First of all, I'm upper management.
- A variation (or an aversion) appears in radio comedy About A Dog, after Muriel's lover turns out to be married. Sarah is her daughter:
Sarah: Oh Mum, I'm so sorry.
Muriel: Oh, it's my own fault. I'm just a silly old woman.
Sarah: Mum, you're not silly.
Muriel: (pause) And?
Sarah: And you're not an old woman.
- Ghost, from True Capitalist radio, is often accused of being a racist, shapeshifting Jew. His response is always "I'M NOT A JEW!" In one episode, he was assaulted by a caller who, in a parody of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, called him a racist, a fruitbowl, a hambone, and a reptilian. However, Ghost only raged once he brought up "Hannukah night," failing to even notice the line after it accusing him of beating his son.
- Another instance has a caller claim there's a party at Ghost's house with "free beer, a mountain of cocaine, and girls under 18". Ghost's response is "I don't do cocaine!". Knowing him, one would think he'd react to the "girls under 18" part.
- This appears in a famous Sal & Richard prank call from The Howard Stern Show. While calling a public access television show, the caller asks the panel if he can "ask that fat white bitch a question". One of the male panelists responds with "She's not white!" after they cut the caller off.
- A variation is used in the musical 1776. Abigail Adams recites a list of her faults that her husband sent her in a letter; John insists that he didn't mean most of them, but is forced to admit that "You are pigeon-toed". In a later scene, John begins to list his own faults and Abigail reassures him, but concedes, "You are pigheaded."
An actual honest-to-god historical exchange; it's paraphrased from a series of letters written while they were courting. At first glance, the Adamses had an interesting and slightly tumultuous marriage, but it's only partly true. You just need to read the letters with the right mindset. John and Abigail were pretty much the only happy marriage of any of our founding fathers (the others were either full of tragedy or were political marriages), and they enjoyed the back-and-forth. Honestly, you could say they were the closest thing to soulmates you could find.
- Inverted in the 2003 musical Avenue Q, when Lucy the Slut tells a jilted Princeton that she isn't going to cling to "some well hung baby face kid, who leeches from his parents and can't get his act together!", and then stalks haughtily away. Princeton slowly faces the audience and says, "I think I heard a compliment in there!" and proceeds to follow her off-stage.
- From the 1974 musical adaptation of The Phantom of the Opera (by Ken Hill, not Andrew Lloyd Webber):
Carlotta: And-a you keep your tubby torso out of this, you fat little faggot!
Faust: What do you mean, "little"?
- From Next To Normal:
Natalie: Oh, you're one of those pretentious stoner types.
Henry: That's totally unfair!... I'm not pretentious.
- In both the film adaptation and the stage version of West Side Story, the Jets are hanging out with their girls and the girls are causing a fuss over being left behind while the Jets go to fight. Action asks while they're still hanging around with these "dumb broads", to which Graziella indignantly responds: "I and Velma ain't dumb!"
- In Woody Allen's play God:
Writer: May I remind you, you're a starving, out-of-work actor whom I've generously consented to let appear in my play in an effort to assist your comeback.
Actor: Starving, yes... Out of work, perhaps... Hoping for a comeback, maybe — but a drunkard?
Writer: I never said you were a drunkard.
Actor: Yes, but I'm also a drunkard.
- In The Norman Conquests, Ruth tells her husband that he's "deceitful, odious, conceited, self-centred, selfish, inconsiderate and shallow." Norman angrily denies being shallow.
- Destroy All Humans!:
Farmer's Wife: AAAH! Little green spacemen!
Crypto: I am not green!
- Note that "green" is the only inaccurate part.
- Perfect Cherry Blossom:
Reimu: You're a talkative ghost.
Youmu: I'm half non-ghost, you know!
Reimu: That was what needed correcting?
- Super Robot Taisen OG Saga: Endless Frontier:
Henne: Looks like her report was right on. "Dumbass poser wearing a black trenchcoat, black hat, red bandana, and fingerless gloves."
Haken: What...!? What's wrong with my gloves!?
- Cid (the same one) is part of one of these in his own game as well.
Cid: ^$#&! Good for nothing, fat &$#$^@!
Palmer: Don't say 'fat'!
- Blaze Union
Baldus: Nessiah... I have heard it rumored that you are a heartless false prophet.
Nessiah: I can understand where the "heartless" part might come from, but I never thought someone would call me "false".
- Neverwinter Nights 2
Caretaker: (to Qara) You're that tavern wench who cleans tables at that dive in the docks district.
- If you let Qara talk to the Caretaker at the Mages Guild:
Player Character: Hey! the Sunken Flagon is not a dive!
Bishop: I take it you gathered up another circus sideshow, then? Does this one sing for his supper? Does he bark like a dog? Or maybe he does a little dance on your command?
- Lampshaded when Qara gets cross that you care more about the tavern than her.
- A Dream Sequence in Mask of the Betrayer gives us this gem:
Knight-Captain: Gann is a good friend and a loyal ally. More than you ever were.
Gann: And I can dance and sing quite well, as a matter of fact.
- In [PROTOTYPE 2], Heller's current hacker friend Athena finds a recording of a Blackwatch soldier making a drunken rant about Heller's wife and his own sexual prowess, ending with "You and that pasty hacker cunt will get what's coming to ya. Later, traitor."
Athena: Okay, you need to kill this guy now. Pasty hacker cunt? I am not pasty!
- Inverted in The Secret Of Monkey Island
Guybrush: I'm a foul-smelling, grog-swilling pirate.
Shopkeeper: Foul-smelling, yes... Grog-swilling, maybe... But a pirate? Don't make me laugh. Come back when you've got some tattoos or a pegleg or at least an eyepatch, for crying out loud.
- In a rare example of a character genuinely admitting their flaws, there's Murray and Rajan's pre-fight banter in Sly 2: Band of Thieves
Rajan: Who is "The Murray"? All I see is a fat, pathetic, weakling!
Murray: I may be... big, and not as smart as the other guys, but one thing I'm not is weak!
- Injustice: Gods Among Us during a clash between Solomon Grundy and Green Arrow.
Green Arrow: Slow, stupid and ugly.Solomon Grundy: Grundy not slow!
- In Hyperdimension Neptunia mk2, when Nepgear's gang encounters ASIC underling Linda in Lowee, Linda mocks each of the party members, while they respond in turn:
Nepgear: A ditzy little girl? I'm not that little, am I?
- In Fire Emblem Awakening, during Maribelle and Brady's C-support conversation, when Brady asks Maribelle who she pissed off to make herself so proper, she takes offense not at the fact that he uttered "piss", but that he should have said "WHOM did you piss off?"
- Kingdom Hearts II:
Leon: Finished?Cid: Would be, if it weren't for that old loon's magic.Merlin: OLD loon, you say?
- From the final episode in Hollow Bastion, when the MCP (from TRON) is wreaking havoc in both that world and the computer world.
- Early on in Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep, Terra teases Aqua by saying "Oy, sometimes, you can be such a girl," after she tells him and Ventus that she made good luck charms for the three of them. You'd think a Badass Action Girl like Aqua would be offended, right? Well, she is— at the word "sometimes."
- Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney:
Phoenix: This witness... is a big, fat liar!
April May: F-fat!?
- Shmorky's "Breakfast Duck's Terrible Christmas" on Something Awful.
Kevin: You know, there's no such thing as Santa.
Cutie: Shut up! You're just being mean and gay.
Kevin: Heyyy. I'm not mean.
- This exchange from Space Tree.
Speshdiv Robot: Meelord Marone, you are under arrest, for murder, conspiracy to conceal murder, kidnapping, and treason.
Mee: Oh, come on man, I only did three of those.
- In Homestar Runner, after Homestar eats Strong Bad's "ice cream":
Marzipan: Homestar, didn't anyone tell you? That's like cottage cheese and The Cheat hair!
Homestar: What!? (spit take) Strong Bad told me it was sour cream and The Cheat hair!
Woman in Lost and Found: But who would claim a rotting, scarred, incredibly whiny zombie head?
Dave: Whiny? Really?Helen: HA! I knew the Daves had to have dealt with unsavory people!
Caliban: Those are some old friends of mine you're insulting. Don't call them "people".
- In Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic:
Baron Grayfort: You stupid, useless deserter! Traitor! Lout! Hooligan! Coward! Clumsy oaf!
Lucas: I'm no coward.
- From 8-Bit Theater:
- Thief is not creepy. A bit of a subversion, as Thief actually does notice the other half of the insult a moment later.
- Black Mage has friends. Well, a friend.
- The 4th and 5th panels.
- Sarda takes issue to his airships being called "flying coffins".
- Implied in episode 14 of Keychain of Creation. Secret calls Marena a "bossy overweight oversexed shapeshifting cow", and the comic's title (only visible in the archive page) is "I am not a cow!"
- In Sluggy Freelance:
Gwynn: Hi, "Hasn't Dated Since the Clinton Administration" and his sidekick "Captain Mommy Issues".
Riff: I am not a sidekick!
- Skin Horse features an unusual case of secondhand nonhuman stereotyping offense-taking to the second-to-last one.
- From Concerned #57:
- From Legostar Galactica: Skip is NOT adorable.
- Played with in Ansem Retort, due to a misunderstanding.
Darth Maul: Pandora? Is he calling us box openers?
Marluxia: I think he's calling us box openers.
Darth Maul: Let's kick his ass!
- In Darths & Droids, Anakin and Padme were accused of numerous crimes, including murder, sabotage, and vandalism. Padme protests... the parking violation.
- Used in one strip from Stuff of Legend.
- Girl Genius: Master Payne, leader of carnies and con artists, inflicts this trope on a soldier after a tough round in their poker game. Judging by the soldier's lack of reaction until the last shot, it's possible that Payne was triple-bluffing and managed to hit on the truth twice.
- In a strip of Blank It, the objector actually realizes his mistake.
- Bob and George: Smelly?
- Dork Tower
Kayleigh: It's better than being a looser dweeb with no initiative, no fashion sense, no job, no prospects and a Buffy-hater to boot!
Matt: THAT was a LOW blow!... I love Buffy.
- Spacetrawler inverts this.
Dustin: But not me. Stupid Dusty. Dusty the moron who wants to save his own people first. Dusty who must be stupid and evil for trying to bring Earth into the G.O.B.
Nogg: Hey now, we've never thought of you as evil.
- Unwinders Tall Comics: Here.
Unwinder: Reading some manga there?
Barbecue Sauce: No.
Unwinder: Reading some non-canon comic continuations of old, canceled, BBC science fiction shows?
Barbecue Sauce: No! I mean, most fans consider them canon, since they got some of the original writers.
- Randall Munroe, who writes xkcd, has used such events as 9/11 and the My Lai massacre to tell a joke. But when he recently insulted anthropologists, the gloves came off!
- The Order of the Stick: Sabine (a succubus, and thus a demon and not a devil) gets one:
Nale: Malack, is the Control Winds scroll you cast still active?
Malack: Is your vapid devil-whore still keeping you aloft?
Sabine: HEY! Who are you calling a devil??
- In Sinfest, Slick sold his soul to the Devil. He's evil... he's corrupt... he's wrong for America, wrong for the world... and he's short.
- The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Hitlerella: Out of this entire scenario. You have a problem. With the TV.
- Reversed when Wonderella tells her sidekick an over-the-top story involving her baking a sentient gingerbread man who ran into a portal, having to fight off a giant slug with a salt shaker, and hitching a ride home with a giraffe, the only part Wonderita questioned...was Wonderella baking in the first place..
- The next comic has Wonderella's arch enemy Hitlerella capture her, imprison her somewhere far away, and forces her to watch the destruction of New York City due to atom bomb through a satellite feed. What grinds Wonderella's gears? Well...
- In Freefall, they need a computer upgrade. It tried to kill Sam, twice, and it didn't succeed. Obviously a substandard computer.
- In the Stolen Pixels strip "+2 Shoes of Floppiness", Bann Teagan calls Leliana "a stripper with a gravy boat on her head."
Leliana: It's a bateau de sauce!
- In this Schlock Mercenary strip, Karl Tagon is identified as a "nice old man". In the last panel, he shows up suddenly to object to the "nice" part.
- Wesley and Troi do this in Larp Trek:
Wesley: Well, Odo was going to stop by Quark's anyway, because he doesn't trust that greedy, conniving, self-centered, big-eared, morally bankrupt Ferengi one bit.
Troi: Hey! Who are you calling bankrupt?
- From the sprite comic Totally Flaked:
Flak: Flak smashes stupid mechanic with stupid hair !Andy: My hair is not stupid !
- In Kaspall, Claudia objects to being called a "civilian" on the grounds that she is not civil.
- Tales Of Mu combines this with Delayed Reaction:
"You are the fat, loud girl's girlfriend," she said.
"Puddy's not fat!" I said angrily. Then, my brain caught up with the rest of her sentence, and I added, "And I'm not her girlfriend."
- The Angry Video Game Nerd and The Nostalgia Critic's Final Battle gives us an example in the middle of firing spectacular Cluster F Broadsides at each other:
Nostalgia Critic: (after being knocked backwards into a pile of boxes) Who keeps piles of boxes around?! Honestly!
Angry Video Game Nerd: Oh, don't you TALK about my boxes! I like boxes!
Nostalgia Critic: That's the fuckest thing I ever heard, shit mop!
Angry Video Game Nerd: Shitload of fuck.
Nostalgia Critic: Fuck monkey!
Angry Video Game Nerd: I'm giving you both middle fingers... (does a 360 degree turn and gives The Nostalgia Critic both middle fingers) at full force!
Nostalgia Critic: Cow-humping transvestite!
Angry Video Game Nerd: Fe-fi-fo-fuck you!
Nostalgia Critic: Ass-blower!
Angry Video Game Nerd: Ya turd burglar, robble robble robble!
Nostalgia Critic: (mocking) Ooh, look at me, I'm the Angry Video Game Nerd...
Angry Video Game Nerd: Fuck you, fuck you, dick, dick, dick, dick. You fuck her, you fuck her, dick, dick...
Nostalgia Critic: ... I like to do stupid things because I smell bad...
Angry Video Game Nerd: Shut up! Shuuuuut up! Shuuuuut up!
Nostalgia Critic: You fuckin' little fuck, that's fuck, more fuck than your fuckins that are fucking fuck in a fucking world!
Both: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK...
Nostalgia Critic: Cock knocker!
Angry Video Game Nerd: (beat) Jerk.
Nostalgia Critic: ... THAT'S IT!
- Ab3's popular Tabletop Games anecdotes, The Binder of Shame:
Me: Not only are you a lousy Dungeon Master, but you're crazier than a crapfight in a monkey house!
Psycho Dave: I am not a lousy Dungeon Master!
- From the RiffTrax of 300:
Theron: (to Gorgo) ...my little whore queen.
(Gorgo lunges at Theron)
Mike: (as Gorgo) I am not little!
- On That Guy with the Glasses forum, MarzGurl was described as "overweight, terribe [sic] hair, odd clothing, and her face resembles squirrel". Her response? The only thing I disagree with is the overweight thing."
- The Nostalgia Chick doesn't mind being called pitiful, judgmental, a shut-in or even facing the prospect of a painful death at the hands of her former best friend. No, all she cares about is the great insult of being called a nerd.
- The people behind The Gentlemen's Rant made a series of videos called The Gentlemen's Response, where they respond to comments left on their YouTube videos. One such comment was "blugh! what is with these same 5 boring, ugly, whiny, deep nasally-voice, depressing, lame joke, dead beat loosers." (sic) They responded by merely pointing out that there's only four of them (Although this is more about pointing out what an idiot the commenter is and disregarding their opinion since they can't count).
- This Warriors rp blog got an ask from anonymous saying "I'd date Ajax if he wasn't such a homophic, sexist, misogynistic and racist individual."
Ajax: ...? How the fuck am I racist?
- In Heart In Hand:
Darryl: What criticisms of your game did you hear last year?
Alex: Russian, dirty player, no defense, choker, predictable, dirty hitter, no defense, show-off, not team player, choker, Russian, dirty, selfish, bad fashion, bad dancer.
Darryl: Whoa, whoa. Wait, what?
Alex: I know, right? I dress great, and I'm good dancer!
- In the Epic Rap Battles of History episode with Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, Steve Jobs doesn't bat an eye at Gates calling him an "arrogant prick", talking about Jobs being abandoned at birth, etc., but Gates finally draws a reaction when he makes a rather playful jab about Jobs taking credit for the work of others and then asks if Steve Wozniak wrote the lyrics that Jobs is rapping.
- Avatar: The Last Airbender
June: Oh great. It's prince pouty. Where's your creepy grandpa?
Zuko: He's my uncle... and he's not here.
Sokka: So this crazy king is your old friend Bumi?
- In "The King of Omashu":
King: Who are you calling old?!
- That one is especially hilarious, because by "old friend" Sokka meant "long-term friend/friend from past times", not "aged". The king then proceeds to add, "Okay, I'm old," making it even better.
- Considering he was over 110 at the time he pretty much had to admit it.
- Sokka doesn't like being portrayed as a one-note character who "only makes stupid jokes about food." His girlfriend tries to reassure him: "Oh, honey - you make stupid jokes about all sorts of things!"
- In Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn uses this one, yelling it at Batman, no less!
Harley Quinn: And here you thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, I'm not even a real blond!
Arkady Duvall: You're either a liar or a fool.
- There's also a variation of this in "Night of the Ninja". When Summer Gleason accuses Kyodai Ken of being a "common thief", he denies it, claiming proudly that he's actually a "great thief".
- And in "Showdown":
Jonah Hex: I've been known to be foolish, but ain't nobody calls me a liar and goes to bed happy.
- Played with a few times in The Simpsons:
Ned: You ugly, hate-filled man!
- "Hurricane Neddy": Ned Flanders goes berserk and insults several of the people who tried unsuccessfully to rebuild his house after a hurricane struck. One can tell he was starting to run out of good insults by the time he got to Moe:
Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I... um, what was that third thing you said?
Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a Communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
- "Simpson Tide". When Homer is suspected of having defected to Russia, Grandpa Simpson is interviewed as to whether his son is a Communist:
Abe: My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, and a Communist, but he is not a porn star!
- In a straight example (episode "Sideshow Bob Roberts"), Mayor Quimby was described as an "illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking Spend-o-crat", to which he was shown to reply: "Hey, I am no longer illiterate!" (while watering a cannabis plant in his closet).
- An attempt by a cult to brainwash Homer has him being subjected to harsh criticism by several people at once. After gleefully agreeing with insult after hate-filled insult, Moe finally mentions Homer's armpit smell; Homer is about to object, but he gets a whiff himself and promptly changes his tune.
- From "The Crepes of Wrath", Bart divulges to a French policeman the various injustices he's suffered while there: the owners of the chateau he's staying at work him to death, they make him sleep on the floor, and they put antifreeze in the wine. His response: "Antifreeze in the wine! That is a very serious crime!"
- Something like this trope appears in "Tales from the Public Domain" (one of the anthology episodes), in the rendition of Hamlet (titled "Do the Bard, Man") where King Claudius (played by Moe) sees the play mirroring his murder of Hamlet's father where a character spills poison into the king's ear, he objects, "Hey, I didn't use that much poison!"
- In "Fear of Flying", the patrons of Moe's Tavern proceed to play pranks on Moe. Lenny causes him to get bit by a cobra, Barney causes him to be lit on fire, and Homer simply winds up causing some sugar to be spilled. And of course, Homer's prank causes him to be banned from the bar for life.
Barney: We were just messing around, but you went too far!
- A variation on the theme was when Otto thought Homer called him a bum, and he didn't mind that; in fact, he admitted it. However, when Bart pointed out that Homer had actually called him a "sponge" (Homer hadn't actually called him a bum), Otto really got angry.
- From an episode of Duckman:
Medfly: You stupid clumsy idiotic brain-dead yellow imbecile!
Duckman: Hey, wait, hold on there buddy!... You really think I'm yellow? I've always seen myself as more a sallow ochre. Here, check the butt feathers.
Smitty: Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.
- "Space Pilot 3000":
Leela: No one makes fun of my nose!
Leela: Look at you two. No offense, Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap.
- "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?":
Fry: (whining) Sack?
Amy: There. How do I look?
- "When Aliens Attack", after Amy replaces her stolen bikini top:
Farnsworth: Like a cheap French harlot.
Zap: Look, Kif. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly, this man hid in a hole, wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice.
- Fry in "War is the H-Word", being dressed down by Zapp for cowering from battle:
Fry: That wasn't cowardice!
Professor: Scammed? Me!? SWEETHEART!?
- In "Bender's Big Score" when Professor's doomsday bomb is replaced with a rose and note saying "You've been scammed sweetheart."
Amy A: The Professor's right — you are evil. And shallow!
- Played with in "The Farnsworth Parabox":
Amy 1: I am not evil!
- Invader Zim
Zim: Despite his huge head, the Dib-monkey is quite stupid.
- In "TAK: The Hideous New Girl":
Dib: My head's not big!!
Dib: My head's not big!!
- Apparently, people used that one on Dib a lot.
Zim: I... didn't say anything about your head.
- From South Park, in the episode "Ladder to Heaven":
Congressman: Are you high or just incredibly stupid?
President Bush: I assure you — I am not high!
- Disney's Aladdin: The Series includes the following exchange:
Iago: Don't ya get it, Einstein? You're a has-been!
Frijeed: I may be a has-been, but I'm no Einstein!!!
- A visual version comes up in an episode of Phineas and Ferb; Phineas mentions they've made a chariot for Candace that looks just like her... and is actually a repulsive gorgon. Candace responds, while wearing a scowl that looks just like the chariot:
Candace: Oh, that's ridiculous! I do not have wheels!
- A slight variation, from Mission Hill:
Andy: I run strip clubs and date sleazy women.
Shelly: Hey, how's that supposed to make me feel?
Andy: Sorry, not women. Woman. Just you.
Shelly: Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things.
- This exchange from an episode of Daria:
Tad: You're a mean old witch!
Sandi: I am not old!
- From the Spinoff Babies episode of Drawn Together:
Xandir: You ass-kissing adopted homo!
Captain Hero: I am not adopted!
- From the "Animal Attraction" episode of Kim Possible:
Ron: (reading from a book) "The Pink Sloth is an outcast, a follower, socially inept, and smells of overripe fruit." I do not smell of overripe fruit!
- The Powerpuff Girls
Buttercup: Don't you know only big, fat sissies take baths?!
- From the episode "Down 'n' Dirty", where Buttercup tries to give up bathing:
Bubbles: (hurt) I'm not fat.
Roach Coach: I am not just an insect! I am Roach Coach! I am the future ruler of this planet, you stupid biped!
- Bubbles does this again in "Insect Inside":
Bubbles: Who you calling a biped?
- Looney Tunes
Porky Pig: T-T-That does it! You web-footed, n-n-no good, two-timing, d-d-double-crossing, d-d-double-dealing, unsanitary old snake in the grass!
- The 1948 short Daffy Duck Slept Here:
Daffy Duck: Unsanitary?!
Melissa Duck: Goodbye, you scrawny little nine pound weakling.
- Daffy Duck goes to this well again in the 1953 short Muscle Tussle, after his girlfriend dumps him for a bodybuilder.
Daffy Duck: How do you like that? Calling me a scrawny little nine pound weakling... when it's perfectly obvious I'm a scrawny little ten pound weakling. Hmph!
- From the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon episode "Super Rocksteady and Mighty Bebop". Although in this case, Donatello's just stating the facts: Turtles ARE reptiles, and they AREN'T slimy.
Burne Thompson: Not so fast! You slimy reptiles! I'll bet you're responsible for this!
Donatello: Hey, I deny that insinuation! Turtles are not slimy!
April O'Neil: Let go of me you big, ugly, bug-ridden, half-witted creep!Bebop: Aww.. I ain't no creep.
- In "Turtles on the Orient Express":
- Justice League episode "The Brave and the Bold". (Although the Flash would be insulted by that word in particular.)
Gorilla Grodd: Humans are slow, ugly, immoral, and have an unpleasant body odor!
Flash: Hey, who you calling slow?
- On the Family Guy episode, "No Chris Left Behind," Lois reads a heading from a very outdated school textbook (this was an alternate scene that was used when aired on Cartoon Network and on DVD; the FOX version used a different take in which the heading Lois reads is about Israel being an up-and-coming country):
Lois: "Negroes: America's Dancin'est Rape-Folk." That's awful! We don't use the word "Negro" anymore!
James Woods: I would NEVER work with David Spade! That ... dwarf! That ... chicken-shit!
- In "Back to the Woods" Peter impersonates James Woods and goes on TV to talk about how he (meaning Woods) is making a wacky comedy movie about the September 11th terrorist attacks. And it'll co-star David Spade.
- In "The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou", Chris's bully Kyle calls Peter things such as "big, dumb butt-face" and "dorky, fat numb-nuts", but it's only when he calls Peter a "poop-nose" that he gives him a No Holds Barred Beat Down.
- In one episode of Rocket Power, Twister and his brother challenge each other to a go-kart race, featuring the following exchange:
Lars: Get ready to eat my dust, you little dork!Twister: I'm not little!
Paige: I came for a party and no creepy, weirdo, Goth loser is going to stop me!
Darko Crevasse: Oh, come on. I may be, as you say, "creepy", but calling me a Goth is going too far.
Lana: Now? Really?
- Archer and Lana are in the middle of a gunfight, both in their underwear, and Lana catches Archer staring at her breasts.
Archer: Oh, right! Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse and said "Help me showcase my intellect!"
Lana: Discount? Hello? This is Fiacci!
Archer: "What is it with serial killers and skin?"
- This exchange from Skin Game:
Krieger: "I'm not a serial killer!"
Archer: "...Wait, why'd you emphasize 'serial'?
- A variant from Sushi Pack: seeing his scheme working, Titanium Chef crows, "Soon the world will see I'm not a so-so sushi chef, I'm a so-so Evil Genius!"
- Darkwing Duck has one of these at the start of the episode "Adopt-a-Con"
Darkwing: I caught that hateful, underhanded, ham, Tuskernini, robbing a bank!
Tuskernini: I object, your honour. I am not a ham.
Judge: Darkwing Duck, do you have any evidence?
Darkwing: These reviews of his performance in Son of MacBeth.
Judge: I mean the bank robbery!
Darkwing Duck: I'm dirt. I'm worse than dirt. I'm lower than low! I am not the Terror that Flaps in the Night! I am the self centered boob who hands over the city at the drop of a dime! I'm a...a gipnoid, a slug, a sput-mothering jackanape!Launchpad: *sincerely* Ah, c'mon. You're not a slug.
- When Darkwing is called a second-rate jerk, he objects saying that he's a first-rate jerk.
- Inverted in "Just Us Justice Ducks" when Darkwing is beating himself up over failing to prevent the Fearsome Five from taking over the city.
- Star Wars: The Clone Wars has a scene where General Grievous confronts Jedi Master Eeth Koth:
Eeth Koth: Your reputation precedes you, general. The reputation of a coward, and a murderer.
- In the Loonatics Unleashed episode "Apocalypso":
Queen Athena: I liked how you dealt with the obnoxious one with the big beak.
Danger Duck: Hey! I'll have you know my beak is exactly the right size for my head!
- Spider-Man: The Animated Series: Although this may be Hypocritical Humour on Doc Ock's part...
Doctor Octopus: Back off, you pea-brained, uncoordinated, absurdly dressed excuse for a man!
Scorpion: Who are you callin' absurdly dressed?!
- From Total Drama Action:
Izzie: If I can handle hand to paw combat with a polar bear, I can handle a bald emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume.
Chef Hatchet: Who are you calling a cook!
- The following exchange from the My Little Pony episode, "The End of Flutter Valley":
Sting: You're fat, greedy, and selfish, Bumble! You only think of yourself!
Queen Bumble: I am not fat!
- From My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, in "A Dog and Pony Show", Spike has an Imagine Spot in which he confronts the Diamond Dogs who kidnapped Rarity:
Spike: Show yourselves, you dogs! You curs! Ah, there you are, you mangy mutts!
Diamond Dog: Who are you calling mutts? Unleash the hounds!
Twilight: Hey! I am not that tall!
- From the episode "Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3", Twilight attempts to teach Rainbow about reading and highlighting, but finds that Rainbow highlighted the entire book, as well as made an unflattering doodle of Twilight in the centerfold.
- An example from the King of the Hill episode "Traffic Jam," at the end of the episode, Hank and Roger are joking with each other using "Yo' Momma" jokes.
Roger 'Booda' Sack: It's been so long since yo' momma's last bath, that her hairy arm pits smell like propane gas!
Hank: Now hold on there, fella, a joke's a joke but now you've gone too far. You see propane is actually odorless, what you smell was put there by man for safety reasons...
- In one episode of The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Peppermint Larry refuses to extend credit to Flapjack and Cap'n K'nuckles because "Everybody knows you don't have any money!" K'nuckles indignantly replies "Stop lyin'! Not everyone knows that."
- Variant in Moral Orel (note that he's on his seventh glass of liquor):
Rev. Putty: You're amazing. The beer goggles you have on right now make crucifixion look like Marilyn Monroe.
Clay: I never drink beer.
- From the Young Justice episode "Satisfaction:"
Original Roy: So, let me get this straight...while I was on ice, you found another Roy Harper, the sidekicks formed their own team, aliens invaded the Earth...and Ollie grew that dopey goatee?Clone Roy: (awkwardly) We try not to call ourselves "sidekicks."Ollie: You don't like the goatee?!Original Roy: SO missing the point!
- From the "Moosylvania Saved" story of Rocky and Bullwinkle:
Fearless Leader: Badinov, you are a incompetent, stupid, disgusting little nincompoop!Boris: Who's little?!
- Conversations such as this and this.
- When Michael Buckly made fun of rival figure skaters Evan Lysacek and Johnny Weir on his YouTube show What the Buck?, declaring that the wannabe-macho Evan and flamboyant Johnny were "totally doing it" and probably texted each other all day, Johnny posted the following message to Buckley's MySpace in response: "Love it, bitch! We totally don't text!"
- George V of the United Kingdom: "I may be uninspiring, but I'll be damned if I'm an alien!" in response to H. G. Wells' remark that the British royal house of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (in addition to being a mouthful) was "uninspiring and alien." George V changed the name of the House to The House of Windsor, which it remains to this day. Considering how relations were with Germany at the time, he picked the right part to complain about.
- Mike Tyson is attributed to have said "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse." Considering that he was convicted of and spent jail time for sexual assault, the first bit is pretty much water under the bridge.
- In an interview on the show The Screen Savers, Jhonen Vasquez (creator of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac) responded to host Kevin Pereira's comment that fans considered him "a goth king", saying disdainfully: "King, yeah, but goth... I mean, that's just arrogant."
- Sarah Palin called David Letterman's jokes about her daughter "sexually perverted comments made by a 62-year-old celebrity". Letterman responded: "I'm hardly a celebrity".
- Max Mosley, Formula One boss and son of British Fascist leader Oswald Mosley sued The News of The World for alleging that he took part in a sadomascochist Nazi-themed orgy with five prostitutes on the grounds that there was no Nazi theme to the event. He did admit in court that the "sadomasochist orgy with five prostitutes" part of the allegation was essentially correct; it was the allegations of Nazism that constituted the defamation.
- Didn't stop people from invoking Those Wacky Nazis. Having German army jackets present and people speaking German might have had something to do with that.
- According to The Other Wiki's article on toilet paper orientation, the Weekly World News once alleged that, because dictator Kim Jong Il watches the Home Shopping Network, is a member of Oprah's Book Club, and complains about toilet paper that's over instead of under, he is secretly a woman.
"The story's subhead reads, 'Dictator Kim Jong Il is a Woman', although North Korean officials have argued that Kim is not, in fact, a dictator."
- Strictly speaking, this is an inversion, since it is morally worse to be a dictator (or dictatrix) than it is to be a woman.
- Rue McClanahan had this to say about her iconic role on The Golden Girls: "People always ask me if I'm like Blanche. And I say, 'Well, Blanche was an oversexed, self-involved, man-crazy, vain Southern Belle from Atlanta. And I'm not from Atlanta.'"
- During an interview, Tim Schafer once labeled Robert Kotick, Activision's CEO, as "a dick" and "total prick" and accused him of not actually being interested in games, but rather in the money to be had in them, Activision's Response? "Hey, he does like games!"
- On a darker note, the first commandant of the Auschwitz concentration camp, Rudolf Höss. When accused of the murder of three and a half million people in the Holocaust, Höss replied, "No. Only two and one-half million—the rest died of disease and starvation."
- Lady Gaga once went on The Tonight Show and was asked if there were any annoying rumors she'd like to dispel. Most people expected her to deny rumors she was a hermaphrodite, but she chose just to clarify that she wasn't from Yonkers.
- The Westboro Baptist Church protested outside a Bill Maher stand-up gig in Kansas, handing out fliers that referred to him as "Christ-hating half Jew pedophile rape-enabling Catholic Bill Maher." His response on Real Time? "How dare you call me a Catholic!"
- William Wallace, when accused of a number of crimes by the English after being captured, only defended himself by saying he is not treasonous, because he never swore loyalty to the English monarchy or any of its servants.
- From ThinkGeek.com, in the product description for the d20 soaps: "we are NOT weirdo, basement-dwelling, outcasts who never shower. We do so shower."
- An anti-war British politician once called Christopher Hitchens "a drink-sodden ex-Trotskyist popinjay". Hitchens replied, "Only some of that is true." He later elaborated "He says that I am an ex-Trotskyist (true), a "popinjay" (true enough, since the word's original Webster's definition is a target for arrows and shots), and that I cannot hold a drink (here I must protest)."
- After Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot, the shooter was linked to a hate group known as American Renaissance. A government memo reported "The group’s ideology is anti-government, anti-immigration, anti-ZOG (Zionist Occupational Government), anti-Semitic." The head of American Renaissance responded that his group was not anti-Zionist.
- Steven Seagal was accused of driving a tank into a man's house, flanked by dozens of police in Riot Gear, and shooting the man's dog, because the man allegedly ran a cockfighting ring. Steven's response? He was outraged that someone would say he'd hurt a dog. (Turns out the dog bit wasn't true after all.)
- South Park episode "Go God Go" portrayed Richard Dawkins as a hateful man who has an insane lover Mr Garrison and a bad British accent. The actual man himself, after seeing the episode, complained about the bad British accent.
- Howard Hughes was a highly controversial figure due to his eccentricity and, to some extent, his wealth. His synopsis of his fame:
"I'm not a paranoid deranged millionaire. Goddamit, I'm a billionaire."
- One controversy that arose from DC Comics' recent New Universe reboot was Teen Titans member Starfire (featured in Red Hood and the Outlaws) being reduced from Action Girl into a slutty Ms. Fanservice. Even the 7-year-old daughter of a comics fan complained about how Star spent the whole comic posing in a bikini and never did anything remotely heroic. DC's response? "Thank you for talking about our comics, but maybe you should monitor what your child reads."
- There's an English legal anecdote about a judge who was called a "big-nosed bastard cunt" by an angry defendant. When his wife was told about this, her response was "but you haven't got a big nose".
- One of the British politicians jailed over expenses fraud was told by a journalist that people working with him had described him as arrogant, autocratic and rude. Right on schedule he said he didn't think he was rude.
- A YouTube commenter, responding to this video:
I'm from Orange County, not The OC people, and yes we say like all the time. However I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking that we're all blonde and dumb as a brick. Many of us are brunette :)
- Nell Gwyn was the mistress of King Charles II of England. When an angry mob stopped her carriage, calling her a "Catholic whore" (they mistook her for Charles' other mistress, Louise de Kérouaille) she replied "Pray, good people, be civil. I am the Protestant whore."
- Any celebrity who appears drunk or high in public and then goes on the record assuring everyone they were NOT drunk or high. It leaves very few options for the public than just assuming that said celebrity is just an idiot as their natural state.
- A news report about a Londoner complaining about the missile launchers being installed to defend the 2012 Olympics quoted him as saying "The Ministry of Defence have tried to claim I am a lone nutter. But I am not alone."
- A Conservative political group's magazine criticized Dominionist Theologian R. J. Rushdoony for his views- which, they said, included "mandating the death penalty for homosexuals and drunkards." Rushdoony responded with a letter saying he never called for the execution of drunkards.
- In 1970, segregationist Georgia governor Lester Maddox walked off during an appearance on The Dick Cavett Show due to a comment Cavett made about the "bigots" who had voted for him. After Cavett received an angry letter from one Maddox supporter addressing him as "you little sawed-off faggot Communist shrimp", he replied by writing back and stating, "I am not sawed-off."
- Sir Ian McKellen was given the script of a show entitled Vicious Old Queens. His response? "I'm not old!"
- The British politician Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independence Party which has faced plenty of criticism for racism due to the tone of their anti-immigration campaigning, was trying to persuade a woman to vote for his party in the upcoming election when he got heckled by a passerby:
Passerby: Racist homophobes!Nigel Farage: Homophobes? (laughs) There we are. I don't think we're homophobes...
- Another example from Farage, who on the day of the 2015 general election was quoted as responding to accusations of being a sexist, racist, homophobic former banker as saying that he "was, in fact, a former commodities trader."
- In the 2010 New York gubernatorial election, there was an incident between two third-party candidates. Libertarian Warren Redlich accused Anti-Prohibition candidate Kristin Davis of circulating a libelous attack mailing about him, calling her a "dirty whore" with the "dirty" referring to her dirty campaigning tactics. Davis, the madam of the brothel that former governor Eliot Spitzer frequented (which is why he was the "former Governor") replied by denying the allegations that she was a whore and explaining that she was only a madam, never a prostitute. She never responded to the allegations of dirty campaigning.
- Miley Cyrus said that she gets frequently called an ugly lesbian, but tweeted that she prefers not to be called ugly.
- Alan Cumming demanded (and got) a retraction from The Wall Street Journal over an article that suggested that he wore a codpiece as the Emcee in Cabaret.
- During the 2013 Stanley Cup playoffs, Ottawa coach Paul MacLean accused Montreal players of trying to hurt his players. One Montreal player responded by saying he "doesn't care what that bug-eyed fat walrus has to say." At MacLean's press conference the next day, he addressed that remark: "Bug-Eyed? I've never been called that before, that's a new one. Walrus? Nah, that's too easynote . But I'll tell you one thing: I'm not fat! I may be husky, but I'm not fat."