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I Take Offense To That Last One
This comedy trope finds its way into TV shows and movies of almost every genre.

After being given a long list of their flaws, a character responds by selecting one of the flaws, and saying "I am not (flaw)!", as if to imply that all the other flaws were all spot-on. For maximum comedic effect, offense is taken to the mildest one in the list. Despite the name, the character usually doesn't pick the last one.

Compare: And Zoidberg, Insult Backfire.
Examples:

  • In The League Of Gentlemen Pauline is called a "50-year-old lesbian." Her response? "How dare you! I'm 48!"
  • Most famously done in The Empire Strikes Back:
    Princess Leia: Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!
    Han Solo: Who's scruffy-looking?
  • Played with a few times in The Simpsons:
    • In the episode "Hurricane Neddy", Ned Flanders goes berserk and insults several of the people who tried unsuccessfully to rebuild his house after a hurricane struck. One can tell he was starting to run out of good insults by the time he got to Moe:
      Ned Flanders: You ugly, hate-filled man!
      Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I... um, what was that third thing you said?
    • "Simpson Tide". When Homer is suspected of having defected to Russia, Grandpa Simpson is interviewed as to whether his son is a communist:
      Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
      Abe: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!
    • In a straight example, Mayor Quimby was described as an "illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking Spend-o-crat", to which he was shown to reply: "Hey, I am no longer illiterate!" (while watering a cannabis plant in his closet)
  • From Futurama:
    • "Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love?":
      Leela: Look at you two. No offense, Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap.
      Fry: (whining) Sack?
    • "When Aliens Attack", after Amy replaces her stolen bikini top:
      Amy: There. How do I look?
      Farnsworth: Like a cheap French harlot.
      Amy: French?!
    • "The Farnsworth Parabox", in which Amy meets her alternate universe counterpart:
      Parallel Universe Amy: The Professor was right. You are evil. And shallow!
      Amy: I am not evil!
  • A slight variation, from Mission Hill:
    Andy: I run strip clubs and date sleazy women.
    Shelly: Hey, how's that supposed to make me feel?
    Andy: Sorry, not women. Woman. Just you.
    Shelly: Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things.
  • Tokyo Godfathers:
    Miyuki: Eat shit, you old fart.
    Hana: 'Shit' I'll take but 'Fart' I won't!
  • Firefly:
    Inara: Well, since I can't seem to find work as Companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!
    (An uncomfortable silence descends for a moment.)
    Mal: Petty?
    Inara: I didn't mean petty.
    Mal: What did you mean?
    Inara: Suo-SHEE?
    Mal: That's Chinese for "petty".
  • Destroy All Humans:
    Farmer's Wife: AAAH! Little green spacemen!
    Crypto: I am not green!
  • Tales Of MU combines this with Delayed Reaction:
    "You are the fat, loud girl's girlfriend," she said.
    "Puddy's not fat!" I said angrily. Then, my brain caught up with the rest of her sentence, and I added, "And I'm not her girlfriend."
  • Angel was particularly sensitive to this.
  • The Professionals:
    Bodie: Permission to be admiringly insolent, sir. You're a brave old bastard.
    Cowley: Permission denied. Anyway, it's inaccurate. I'm not brave.
  • Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series:
    Duke: They say you're a loser with a fetish for dressing up like animals.
    Joey: I am not a loser!
  • From the movie Metropolitan:
    Jane: You're a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious, and tiresome. And lately, you've gotten just weird. Why should we believe anything you say?
    Nick: I'm not tiresome.
  • A variation is used in the musical 1776. Abigail Adams recites a list of her faults that her husband sent her in a letter; John insists that he didn't mean most of them, but is forced to admit that "You are pigeon-toed". In a later scene, John begins to list his own faults and Abigail reassures him, but concedes, "You are pigheaded."
    • Actually an honest-to-god historical exchange; if this troper recalls correctly it's paraphrased from a series of letters written while they were courting. Apparently the Adamses had an interesting and slightly tumultous marriage.
  • Used in this Boy Meets Boy strip.
  • A variation appears in radio comedy About a Dog, after Muriel's lover turns out to be married. Sarah is her daughter:
    Sarah: Oh Mum, I'm so sorry.
    Muriel: Oh, it's my own fault. I'm just a silly old woman.
    Sarah: Mum, you're not silly.
    Muriel: (pause) And?
    Sarah: And you're not an old woman.
  • Invader Zim, in "TAK: The Hideous New Girl":
    Zim: Despite his huge head, the Dib-monkey is quite stupid.
    Dib: My head's not big!!
  • Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney:
    Phoenix: this witness... is a big, fat liar!
    April: F-fat!?
  • Truth In Television: This editor once saw a flame war in which some one was called a "stupid gay mexican". Their response? "I AM NOT MEXICAN!"
    • May be a reference to this bit by comedian Carlos Mencia.
  • From the famous "Gollum award rant" at the MTV Movie Awards (when Gollum won "Best Virtual Performance"):
    Gollum: "Shut up, Serkis, you stupid fat (BLEEP)ing turd!"
    Andy Serkis: "I am not fat!"
  • Happens sometimes with Obelix in the Asterix comics:
    Obelix: "I may be a traitor, but I am not fat!"
  • The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody "The Summer of Out Discontent":
    London Tipton: Ew, you mean I'm on a date with a greasy bag boy?
    Cody's Boss: That's greasy assistant manager.
  • Subverted in the 2003 musical Avenue Q, when Lucy the Slut tells a jilted Princeton that she isn't going to cling to some well-hung, jobless, broke, and talentless English Major, and then stalks haughtily away, Princeton slowly faces the audience and says, "I think I heard a compliment in there!" and proceeds to follow her off-stage.
  • A variation on the theme from Xenozoic Tales: Jack calls Hannah judgemental and light-fingered. She swings the sails of the boat they are on, causing the boat to shift and deposit Jack in the water.
    Jack: "Now why'd you do that?"
    Hannah: "I don't like being called judgemental."
    Jack: "You don't argue with light-fingered?"
    Hannah: *swings an oar at him.*
  • Narbonic:
    Woman in Lost and Found: But who would claim a rotting, scarred, incredibly whiny zombie head?
    [...]
    Dave: Whiny? Really?
  • The following exchange from the My Little Pony episode, "The End of Flutter Valley"
    Sting: You're fat, greedy, and selfish, Bumble! You only think of yourself!
    Queen Bumble: I am not fat!
  • This was even done in Citizen Kane (and you know that makes it...):
    Kane: You long-faced, overdressed anarchist.
    Leland: I am not overdressed.
  • A hilarious reversal of this trope is seen in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut:
    Cartman: Kyle, I'm sorry for all those times I called you a stupid Jew. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
    Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman, I am a Jew!
    Cartman: No, don't be so hard on yourself.
  • This exchange from an episode of Daria:
    Tad: You're a mean old witch!
    Sandi: I am not old!
  • In Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic:
    Baron Grayfort: You stupid, useless deserter! Traitor! Lout! Hooligan! Coward! Clumsy oaf!
    Lucas: I'm no coward.