Your sides are about to be liberated.
“WHAT?!” panicked the Shadowbolts, transforming back into Nightmare Moon. “HOW COULD THOU POSSBLY HATH PRECIVED THROUGH OUR DESGUISE? WE EVEN DROPPED OUR ACCENT!”
“Well,” said a surprised Rainbow Dash. “I didn’t say that you were Nightmare Moon herself, but c’mon, the ‘Shadowbolts?’ Really? You couldn’t think of a better name?” she criticized.
“THE ‘SHADOWBOLTS' WAS A BRILLIANT-NEVERMIND,” the moon princess said as she had another idea. “OUR OFFER STILL STANDTHS TALL AND PROUD, FOR NOW WE HATH EVEN GREATER SPOILS TO OFFER!”
”JOIN US,” she continued. “AND WE SHALL IMBUE THEE WITH THE SANTANIC POWERS OF DARKNESS, MAKING THEE MORE POWERFUL THAN THOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE!”
“Um… how about no?” said Dash. “I’m pretty sure that signing a contract that came from Tartarus would instantly drive me criminally insane.”
Nightmare Moon desperately searched her options for another reward that Rainbow Dash would get for joining her. ”JOIN US… FOR WE ART… THINE FATHER!”
“NO!” gasped Rainbow Dash. “That’s impossible!”
“SEARCH THINE FEELINGS, FOR THOU KNOW IT TO TRUE!
“Actually no,” said Dash. “That’s like, literally impossible. I know, I’ve tried to be Scootaloo’s father once, and you don’t even want to know how that turned out.”
Nightmare Moon looked at Rainbow Dash for the longest moment. “Look,” the Mare in the Moon said in her indoor voice. “Thou art embarrassing us at this point. What dost thy wish? We will grant it tenfold!”
This. Just this:
“W-what are you going to do with me?” stuttered Dusk.
“Need not worry, young mage,” said Nightmare Moon as she dropped her Royal Canterlot Voice to normal volume. “For we will not kill thee.”
“Wait, what? Really?” he said with unexpected hope.
“Indeed, for thy delicate features and larger-than-average horn size has earned thee a much more… useful purpose,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. Her horn lit up, and instantly the room was transformed. While the castle still was in crumbling ruins and was covered in moss and vines, brand-new red silk adorned the walls and pillars as Nightmare Moon removed her armor piece by piece in a slow fashion that made Dusk very, very worried on what “useful purpose” the villainess had in store for him. As Dusk felt the cold stone underneath his hooves be replaced with soft fabric, he found he and his enemy were lying upon a luxurious heart-shaped bed, surrounded by scented candles. “Thy first task as our personal royal pet,” Nightmare Moon whispered in his ear, now fully naked. “Is to grant thy princess… pleasure.”
“I NEED AN ADULT!!!” Dusk screamed at the top of his lungs while scrambling to escape.
“WE ARE AN ADULT!!!
” shouted Nightmare Moon, returning to the Royal Canterlot Voice as she easily caught Dusk with her magical smoke-mane. “NOW, DOST THOU WANT THE TOP, BOTTOM, OR SHALT WE COMMIT THE ACT DOGGY-STYLE?”