Funny / Arc Corp

• Coeur occasionally uses the author's notes to poke fun at the story and audience reactions:
  • Chapter 12 ends with Blake and Jaune in danger of drowning and having their corpses parasitized by explosively breeding anomalous slugs/worms. Cue an author's note joking about how this would have played out in any of his other stories.
    Jaune and Blake locked in a basement, eh? Sounds like a Coeur al'Aran recipe for some steamy romanc— oh wait, there's a dead body being eaten alive and now they're about to be drowned and torn to pieces... Sounds like a recipe for some steamy vore romance!
  • At the start of Chapter 28, in response to reviews asking where the comedy is supposed to be, given the fic's humor/supernatural tag.^note The most recent chapters have had the main story with Blake and Jaune become more serious in tone, with most of the comedy shunted to Ruby's B-plot.
    Isn't this story meant to be comedy, the reviews ask. What do you mean – I gave you about 400 words of a funny skit at the start of last chapter before making Ruby cry and then signalling the potential end of the world. Is that not enough!? Are you not entertained!?
  • After Chapter 30 introduced the concept of roving gangs in the madhouse of Mountain Glenn, Coeur muses about The Apunkalypse and Mad Max-style thugs, realizing that within the lore he's set up (no powered vehicles) such gangs would look very different.
    "Witness me!" screamed the man with silver-spray over his mouth, as he furiously pedalled his bright red and yellow child's tricycle. "Witness meeeee!"
• Chapter 22:
  • In the middle of the chapter, when Jaune confidently says that Ruby can't possibly have gotten into too much trouble back in Vale, there's a Description Cut to the miniature planet in the Containment Branch office, where its denizens are preparing to prostrate themselves to Ruby, who they worship as a god, after which we learn she's turned the office into a huge mess of junk food wrappers, take-out food boxes, and dirty clothing.
  • When Blake flubs and thinks out loud her guess that the Faunus kidnappings could be the work of a ghost ship in front of the Albain brothers, Jaune very painfully overcorrects by explaining Blake has been watching too much TV, laughing and calling her "silly, superstitious, stupid Blake" while the brothers stare awkwardly.
• Chapter 32: Juniper describes how the theatre in Mountain Glen is dedicated to re-enacting shows and plays. The plays aren't as violent as one would expect but they do kidnap their audience and killed Juniper for booing one of their shows.
  Juniper: "On the bright side, I got to kill a mime."
  Blake: "How is that a bright side?"
  Juniper: [shrugs] "It felt like one at the time."
• Chapter 33: After Arc Corp tracks the source of the anomaly to the maternity ward of a hospital, which has been enveloped in a monstrous pseudo-womb, Coral takes a short moment to roast Jaune.
  Coral: Jaune! Congratulations!
  Jaune: Huh? For what?
  Coral: This is the deepest you’ll ever be inside a woman.
• Chapter 35:
  • Ozpin enlists Jaune and Blake for a new job... hunting down a pair of anomalous panties in Beacon. The duo are opposed to this, deeming this to be far too weird even for their standards, but Ozpin leaves before they can convince him to handle it himself.
  • The method they choose to locate the mysterious pair of underwear is an anomalous dog collar that, when worn, makes the user appear as a dog to anyone not holding the leash. Naturally, it was found being used in a pet play sex club. Blake's only response to that last bit of information is a flat "Ew."
• Chapter 37:
  • Blake discovering that she can understand Zwei while she's wearing I AM DOG... and Zwei turning out to be a narcissistic flirt who by the end of the chapter is very eager to make puppies with her.
  • Blake's utter panic when the panties teleport onto her, screaming in fear while trying to get them off and — from Jaune's perspective — rolling around on the ground as a tiny dog while another dog is biting her ass.
• Chapter 38:
  • Blake's unusually chipper attitude throughout the opening.
  • While the duo are terrified that they're dealing with an anomaly that turned them into amorous blackout drunks that couldn't keep their hands off each other, and only grow more horrified as the front desk worker tells them what happened the previous night, Jaune can't help but find the thought of Blake doing karaoke funny.
    Blake: I did what!?
    Jaune: She did? Do you have video?
• Chapter 43: Jaune confirms what we've all long suspected: constantly losing only one sock from a pair in the dryer, shoelaces coming untied for no reason, and wires inexplicably becoming a Gordian Knot the moment you look away, aren't natural phenomena, they're anomalies. For the last, the famous explanation (there being only one neat arrangement and infinite tangled arrangements so as the wires are moved they're statistically predisposed to tangle) is some obvious bullshit Jaune came up with in his pre-teens. Sure enough, by the end of the conversation Jaune finds that not only have his shoelaces came undone, but they've additionally gotten hopelessly tangled in his computer wiring.
• Chapter 47: In her desperate scramble to deter Winter, Blake (as Coeur puts it in the author's note) summons her inner Jackie Chan and starts throwing everything in the penthouse at the woman to keep her away, including a microwave and a dining room table. Winter actually stops pursuing Blake for a second to insist that she stop breaking things, as she put a large deposit on the place, prompting Blake to look at all the damage she's caused and cheekily respond that Winter probably isn't going to get her money back.
  BAD DAY! BAD DAY!
• Chapter 54:
  • The entire exchange with Weiss at the start of the chapter, with Jaune and Blake having no idea how to interact with her due to how the previous story arc ended.
    Jaune: (nervous) How are things?
    Weiss: My family is dead.
  • One of the things Weiss brings up is how she's now destitute and has no future thanks to them. Blake, confused by this point, reminds her that she's currently attending what is essentially a prestigious trade school with free room and board, meaning she's not actually hurt for money at all, in addition to already having a solid career path. Weiss demands that she stop being reasonable.
  • It turns out that Arc Corp's ghost hunting front is actually very highly reviewed, with the caveat being that all these positive reviews are people smugly noting that there was no ghost, before begrudgingly admitting that Jaune and Blake will quickly, easily, and kindly handle whatever the "actual" problem ends up being. Jaune brings up his hope for another good review a few times throughout the chapter, reminding Blake to keep damage to a minimum so they can get their usual four stars.
    • The only one-star review? It's from a housewife whose "ghost" turned out to be her in lingerie, expecting a different kind of service.
  • Blake is terrified by a pile of dolls in the child's bedroom, demanding that Jaune burn them immediately. Jaune tries to remind her that ghosts aren't real, and even if they are, that they can't assume some random toys are possessed... only for the pile to fall over unprompted. After a Beat, he leaves the room to find matches.
  • Jaune casually telling Blake, who has been monitoring the cameras for movement, that the cameras probably won't help after all, since the anomaly has been staring at them from the window for quite some time now.
    Blake: HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS!?
    Jaune: Eh. We're out here and it's in there. What's there to worry about?
    Blake: Uh. How about the fact you're sleeping in that very room tonight?"
    Jaune: Oh... Oh.
• Chapter 56:
  • When Blake questions how ARC Corp deals with keeping the werewolf population a secret, Jaune assures her that it's super easy, barely an inconvenience.
  • Jaune really doesn't want to explain what the job is before he and Blake get there, and once they do, it is immediately clear why: it turns out that a small sub-section of the werewolf population runs a yearly Furry Fandom sex convention just outside of Vale, and they've been hired as security to make sure none of the actual werewolves blow their cover.
    Blake: I want to go home.
    Jaune: (sighs) Me too, Blake. Me too.
• Chapter 57:
  • Half of the attending furries have named their fursonas either Fenris or Fenrir (plus one lady named Fenrira), and are all under the impression they're totally clever and original for coming up with it.
  • While on duty, Blake's mom calls and hears the people having sex in a nearby tent. Kali immediately assumes that Blake is at a swinger's club, and Blake's attempts to explain that she isn't involved with anything sex-related are ruined when an out-of-breath Jaune runs up pleading for Blake and saying how much he needs her. Kali happily hangs up so Blake and Jaune can make her some grandchildren.
  • To dissuade a woman from trying to unmask the man she just had sex with, since he's actually a werewolf, Blake ends up giving an impassioned speech about the "spirit of furrydom" to a group that was in the middle of an orgy. It ends up being so moving that it prompts a huge Group Hug... with Blake stuck in the center, screaming in horror. Smash Cut to a few days later, where a befuddled Ruby and several bystanders are watching Jaune hose down Blake in front of their office building with a power washer.
    Jaune: Blake, we have an audience.
    Blake: I don't care! I'm unclean! I need to wash away the evil!
• Chapter 59:
  • Blake asks another boon from Lady of the Lake, and after a little deliberation accepts receiving a little voice in her head that will spell out information she learns and make logical connections and inferences automatically. She imagines it can't be that bad. It turns out it's worse. The little voice narrates everything in explicit detail, even things she doesn't care about or would prefer to ignore.
  • While dodging Atlas soldiers readers will clearly recognize as the Ace-Ops, Blake calls Jaune for help. He happens to be in a meeting with Ironwood, and as someone who arguably has more authority than the General, he immediately starts putting him on blast for trying that (and trying to play it off with Blatant Lies) when he knows he's already been outed for it by a clairvoyant anomaly.
• Chapter 61:
  • Jaune's strategy for covering up Tomorrow's News ends up being to pass it off as a clever marketing campaign for an upcoming film. Meaning that he and Blake actually have to make a film to sell the lie, which ends up being so terrible that it's deemed the worst movie ever created and petitions are created to bar them from acting in anything ever again (something the film community unanimously agrees with). Jaune finds their newfound infamy to be absolutely hysterical and can't stop laughing as Blake groans and rants about the situation.
  • Qrow's dismay at being coerced into helping with their latest mission, and learning that the current one is actually among their easiest, since they actually know what to look for as opposed to hoping not to die during the investigation process.
    Qrow: How are you still alive?
    Blake: Spite.
  • At the end of the chapter, the mission is actually going completely smooth for once, as Jaune, Blake, and Qrow lie in wait to attack a Blood That Feeds... until Qrow's weapon loses a blot that ends up flying over their heads to hit a metal pail, alerting the room full of vampiric creatures to their presence.
    Qrow: Did I mention my Semblance to you guys? It's bad luck.
    Jaune: ...
    Blake: I fucking hate you, Qrow Branwen.
• Chapter 63:
  • Blake is reasonably tense about meeting Salem, especially since their meeting place is completely surrounded by Grimm, and her concern only worsens once the women herself appears. All of this fear and worry is quickly undercut when Jaune slowly reaches out towards the Queen of Grimm for a handshake... and the two to start doing an elaborate friendship handshake and start catching up like old friends. It turns out that Salem is Jaune's godmother.
    • Apparently Jaune's mother tried to kill Salem twice, yet Salem still remembers her as a sweet young woman. Coincidently, Salem's full name is Rebecca Juniper Salem.
  • Salem's investment in Jaune's love life, echoing one of the author's previous fics. She initially thinks Jaune is there to introduce Blake as his girlfriend, and after that matter is sorted out and they're done talking about the actual issue, she returns to the topic and insists on setting him up with one of her current operatives, Cinder.
    Chapter 63 Author End Notes: Oh god it's White Sheep Salem all over again.
• Chapter 67:
  • When meeting with Ruby to talk about the matchmaker app anomaly, she reveals that Yang got matched with Blake, who the blonde only remembers as "the girl in the suit" from the invisible semblance case, and that the revelation has thrown Yang into a sexuality crisis.
  • As an aside, Ren and Nora are noted to have matched with each other, and are now insufferable to be around.
  • Despite desperately trying to avoid the subject, it turns out that Ruby herself got match with Jaune. As Blake tries to calm her down, she points out that Ruby at least got someone she already has a crush on... which shocks Ruby, as she thought she hid her feelings pretty well. Blake awkwardly responses that she always thought it was obvious.
  • Sun makes his debut in the story by also being matched with Blake. She immediately panics when she realizes what's about to happen, but ultimately ends up planning a date with him after Ruby fails to help her avoid speaking to him.
  • Part of the reason why Ruby is unable to assist is because, as Blake is goading her for advice, she makes Ruby realize that she's a Clueless Dude Magnet and that many of the boys at school she's hung out with were trying to ask the cute tomboy out on a date. She shuts down for a brief while at the revelation.
  • Turns out Ruby wasn’t the only one to get matched with Jaune, as when Blake returns to the office she, catches the tail end of an argument between Jaune and the one who was matched with him, Miltia Malachite, who storms off when he turns her down flat. Then it turns out that Pyrrha used the app and also got matched with him. She was apparently appalled by the match and reiterated her desire to kill all anomalies.
• Chapter 68:
  • Blake and Pyrrha almost immediately start going at each other's throats, forcing Terra to break them up before it turns violent, all while Jaune and Saphron ignore them in favor of their own thinly-veiled Jurisdiction Friction argument.
  • The individual in Vale that the group has to take down, Darren Lime, is the most stereotypical Basement-Dweller alive, being a jobless, perpetually horny thirty-something who lives with his mom and does nothing but play video games and pleasure himself all day in a filth-ridden basement bedroom.
  • The method chosen to enter the house? Masquerade as a violent gang looking to cause chaos or the police on an unsanctioned raid? Nope, they pretend to be tax inspectors.
  • Pyrrha ends up being the one most put off by the entire mission, as it turns out that Darren not only deeply lusts over her to the point that his desktop background is just a series of (poorly-made) deepfake nudes of the former athlete, but they were also matched by the app and believes that she'll become so mindless enamored with him once they start dating that he'll easily be able to sell nudes and sex tapes of her. Blake can barely hide her amusement as Pyrrha gets more and more upset hearing him speak.
  • When Pyrrha naturally rejects him for being so vile, Darren starts going on a rant about how girls only ever go for stupid jocks while motioning towards Jaune, who can only silently a finger at himself in bafflement, considering he doesn't fit that title even if Pyrrha did like him.
• Chapter 69: The reveal that the matchmaking anomaly has updated the app to now show the whole world the faces of Arc Corp agents is horrifying, but it's hard not to chuckle when Ruby throws in the fact that her dog Zwei matched with "someone called Nicholas Arc", or the news report discussing the incident calling back to the Tomorrow's News incident by referring to Blake as the "infamously bad actress" from last month's movie.
  • Before Ruby can properly explain what's going on with the above, Jaune takes her exclamation that she's now matched with Blake at face value and awkwardly congratulates her.
• Chapter 73:
  • Blake entering the office and casually discussing her love life, while Jaune and even Amber give their thoughts and advice on the matter... with all three ignoring that Blake just walked in on her employer and his sister being held at gunpoint. Blake apologizes when she notices how annoyed Mercury and Emerald are becoming.
    Blake: Am I interrupting something?
    Mercury: Yes, actually!
  • Blake's confusion when Amber finds Timothy horrifying, especially given that the younger girl's reaction (including the response to learning they gave the giant spider such a mundane name) is a perfect match to Blake's own feelings about the creature prior to the Mountain Glenn arc.
  • Emerald's joy that Mercury is alive being immediately undercut when she un-gags him and the mercenary calls her out for running and leaving him to die in the first place. She immediately puts the gag back on.
  • Jaune's completely blasé response to Cinder's threats, with the entire interaction ending with him simply shrugging when she runs off while swearing revenge.
• Chapter 74:
  • Blake is so angered about Timothy being hurt that the fact Jaune was kidnapped barely registers as a secondary concern, with her being entirely focused on avenging her pet spider.
  • The other villains trying and failing to mask their laughter when Blake calls out Adam for being a Psycho Ex-Boyfriend who she literally jumped off a speeding train to get away from.
• Chapter 79:
  • Jaune and Blake get so frustrated trying to put together his new office desk, that the latter immediately decides the irrational levels of anger that comes from assembling furniture has to be an undocumented Reality Class anomaly. It doesn't take much convincing for Jaune to agree.
  • When they finally finish assembling it, Jaune notes that it doesn't match the nearby cupboards. Later on, when Saphron comes by to perform an audit, she also notices and attempts to add this as one of the issues that needs to be addressed by the next inspection.
• Chapter 83: When Raven talks about the last time she and Jaune dealt with an anomaly, Blake perks up when she hears that tentacles were involved... only to quickly banish any perverted thoughts when Raven continues on to talk about them melting human flesh.
• Chapter 84: Blake gleefully trauma dumping on Raven by revealing all the things that are actually anomalies, while Raven ping-pongs between anger and fear at this unwanted information.
  Blake: Yeah, I've seen some pretty horrible stuff. Did you know dust is made from people?
  Raven: For fuck's sake!
• Chapter 85: Just like in Chapter 22, Jaune confidently tells Blake that Ruby can't possibly have gotten into too much trouble while office-sitting back in Vale, only for there to be a Description Cut revealing that Ruby has once again turned the place into her own personal playhouse and is considering taking Timothy on a walk.