This excerpt from Calvin's speech from "CALVIN FOR PRESIDENT!":
"Look, the point is…SUSIE DERKINS IS A SNOB! That's right! She looks down on those who do mildly worse than her. She berates the barely smart. She constantly puts me down! THE WOMAN HAS NO IMAGINATION! SHE CAN'T EVEN PLAY A DECENT GAME OF 'MAKE-BELIEVE'! IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO GIVE A SNOWMAN A LOBOTOMY, SUSIE!STOP BEING SO CLOSED-MINDED!"
This brief exchange from "The Alien Huntress":
Sheila: Hello, I'm Sheila.
Calvin: Nice. I'm leaving.
This whole scene from 'Alien Nation':
Zack: So how many ducks have you seen in your whole lifetime?
Andy: Erm... I don't know. A few.
Carl: So how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Andy: Uh... 3.4.
Followed by this hilarious bit.
Dave: You there, the cat!
Dave: Are you a dog?
Socrates: No. I am not a dog.
Dave: Lenny, put "I don't know" for the cat!
Lenny: I already have!
Zack:' Earl's going to be SO proud of us!
Actually, anything including the aliens is hilarious in itself.
Turns scary in Lost At Sea when it turns out that Rupert and Earl start abusing them.
Even using shock collars on them.
The episode "POV" takes a turn for the gloriously insane with each version of the same story.
The MTM's sarcasm really lightens up even the most serious moments:
Calvin: MTM. How many people are in this pyramid?
MTM: Hmmm. Let me see. Counting you, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, that hamster, and the five dead people following you around the hallway...ooooh.. about ten?
Anything that comes out of Hobbes, Andy, Jack, the MTM, and Sherman are pretty funny enough, considering they're all Deadpan Snarkers.
Hobbes' Humiliation Conga in "Have You Seen This Tiger?" is pretty hilarious, especially since it's caused by an angry Socrates, who Hobbes (at this point in the fic) practically idolizes.
MTM constantly insulting Jark in "Attack of the Monsters".
Dr. Brainstorm calling Hobbes and Socrates robots, which really annoys them.
He finally learns they're really tigers in Season 5, but still calls them that because it's "a force of habit."
Calvin and Hobbes' little I Can't Hear You exchange in "The Black Turning Funnel Part 1". Plenty hilarious on its own, but becomes quite a bit more amusing when the second part reveals Calvin knew what Hobbes was saying the whole time.
Dr. Brainstorm and Jack's typically normal conversation in "Dr. BrainChill Part 2" gets more amusing when laid over the battle between Rupert and Earl and the protagonists.
This bit from "Camp Blues":
Socrates was in front of Calvin. When it was his turn, he walked up to the paper, took the pencil, and looked down at the paper. It had four names on it. "Names are so last year." he scoffed. And with that, he proceeded to draw a picture of himself in an F-14, shooting enemy jets down with missiles. It took him five minutes to do this, and Calvin finally lost patience, burst in, and kicked him out before he finished the twentieth missile. Calvin then wrote his name next to the crashed jet at the bottom of the page. Then Hobbes wrote his name next to the smoke rising from that crashed jet. Then Susie wrote her name next to the F-14's left wing.
"Dad" has Father Brainstorm. Words cannot describe his absolutely hilarious lines.
"Oh yes, yet another mark of pride! Our young mad scientist was already finding his adversaries! We were so impressed. When I was his age, I had to wait until my first job until I could find someone to do battle with."
Many of the series' one-liners are quite amusing. From "Part Three":
Socrates: Oh, those evil electronic life forms grow up so fast.
After Socrates' duplicate is eliminated in "Socrates Squared":
Hobbes: I don't suppose there's a chance you actually learned something from all of this? Calvin: You'd have better learned something! You just had your own unlikable personality flung back at you, in more ways than one! Socrates: I suppose I learned something. Calvin: Good. What is it? Socrates: You guys have a lot to put up with just knowing me. [pause] Calvin: Meh. Better than nothing.
Dr. Brainstorm trying to teach his mother how to work Windows 8 in "Black Rain".