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Funny: My Immortal
My Immortal: Exemplar of funny or awesome? Or both? You decide!
  • "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
    • It was...........Dumbledore! (In his first lines, no less. Tara doesn't have him use such strong language later, and takes care to explain the outburst away as the result of a headache.)
  • Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!
  • “Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine.
  • "You may think I'm a slut but I'm really not."
  • "STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.
  • "I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT" Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
  • "Hey bitch you look kawaii."
    • "Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
  • "The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!" Snape ejaculated menacingly. "You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.
  • "Volfemort has him bondage!" (Repeated twice in the same chapter as exposition.)
  • "You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"
  • "VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.
  • "Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.
  • "YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"
  • "CUM NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily.
  • "Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape."
  • "THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.
    • Alternately, Volfemort and John Freeman could team up, barking necks together.
  • "Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.
  • (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)
  • "OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.
  • A chapter after Loopin "masticates" outside of Enoby's window, Tara took a second stab at it: "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.
  • "Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.
    • One piece of fanart for that scene actually shows Vampire pregnant with an Abra.
  • "Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether.
  • I smelled happily.
  • "Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.
  • "No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry.
    • If that had come from Professor Sprout, it would have been a hilarious triple pun.
  • Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash.
    • Navel had converted to Stanism.
  • "Rid my sight you despicable preps!"
    • "Ebonyiloveyouwiluhavesexwithme"
  • Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!
    • "U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don’t then I'll rap Draco!1"
  • Then......... I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone.
  • But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.
  • I laffed statistically.
    • Worse yet, she then proceeds to take photons of them.
  • We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was........................................ Cornelio Fuck!11111
  • "OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111" I screamed loudly.
  • "Oh my fucking god!!!! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's.
  • then suddenlyn................... the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."
  • Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard).
  • "'Crucious!!!!!!!!!1' I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.
  • AN: I sed stup flamming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!
  • Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly... Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
  • "OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go.
  • "I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!" screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.
  • Suddenly..............."HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted. I looked around................Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.
  • Whoever made this this screenshot deserves a Nobel Prize for finding the cure for depression.
  • "STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. Now do ur work!"
  • Gerard Way being described as having an "amazing ethnic voice".
  • "No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then........................ he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle"
  • "ORLY." I ESKED.
  • "Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was...... Voldemort!"
  • Voldemort wears high-heels. They loudly clack as he walks. Work it, Voldy!
  • "Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!"
  • "BECAUSE...BECAUSE...." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
  • Ebony eats Count Chocula for breakfast as a sign of how "goffic" she is. True, she eats it with blood rather than milk, but that's even funnier.
  • "Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked"
    • Of course, that doesn't stop Snoop from "garbing the caramel and putting it in his pocket" later.
  • He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. "Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.
  • Anytime during a Dramatic Reading when the reader(s) are unable to contain their laughter.
  • The line "Loopin slurped as he sat in his chains."
  • I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.
  • "You ludacris fools!" he shouted.
  • He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.
  • He put his boys thingy in mine.
  • Anything Britney does. Seriously.
  • "Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.
  • "I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back. Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!”
  • WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD
  • We hugged each udder happily.
  • Voldemort gave me a gun.
  • Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.
  • Black leather platinum boots.
  • He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.
  • We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den.......I gasped............. Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111
  • Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!
  • Suddenly................ a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!!!!!!!11
  • What Hogwarts students do in advanced biology classes... I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!
  • 'Kawai.' I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.
  • MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Rumbridge shouted angrily.
  • All of the visual gags and puns in the comic adaptation on Deviantart and Drunk Duck.
  • Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
  • “Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.
    • Note: Crookshanks isn't a spell, he's Hermione's cat.
  • "if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!"
  • "get it cuz (enter pun explanation here)"
  • Not from the fanfic, but ROFLPaul, Mango and Lionheart's (three Scottish guys) Dramatic Reading is hilarious.
    "I play teh gutter"... what does everyone else play, a drainpipe?
  • "ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1" Tara seems to miss the point that those reviews were mostly flames.
  • Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den... we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz.
  • In the repost, during chapter 15, the line "Ebonyiloveyouwiluhavesexwithme" was probably omitted by accident, resulting in this little gem: "Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)
  • A comic is currently in the works on Youtube that just makes the story even more hilarious with the visuals.
  • Dubleodre started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?”
    • Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). "U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!"
  • “I luv u TaEbory.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.
    • “Good luck Tara!!!!!!!11” everyone cried.
  • Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).
  • From Hermione and Ebony's discussion of Willow: B'loody Mary suddenly mentions that "after Willow got expelled I murdered her and then Loopin did it with her cos he's a necphilak". What's funny about this? The fact Hermione seemed to consider it more important that Willow got expelled than that she killed her (and Lupin's actions). Because that's one of the few moments in the fic where Hermione seems in-character. ("Before either of you two think of another clever plan to get us both killed—or worse, expelled.")
  • "The Mystery Of Magic". That is all.
    • "St. Mangos". That is also all.
  • "This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.
  • Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. “Why didn't you fucking tell me!” he shouted.
  • "U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly."
  • The sex scene between Ebony, Draco, Vampire, and Satan qualifies.
    I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then... I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. "Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. "OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists
  • "I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attack 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
  • Ebony jumping in front of a bullet "sexily". How one does that is anyone's guess.
  • Let's not forget the sex scene between Drako and Enoby where she falls asleep in the middle of it.
  • The Man Without A Body dramatic reading even manages to turn Tara's spelling of "sexxy" into a Crowning Moment of Funny.
  • szaleniec1000's dramatic reading, which comes with Visual Puns and some snarky captions.
  • My Shiny Metal Immortal, a Futurama version of the story (in fact, it's the exact same story with the words changed around), which manages to be just as hilarious.
  • "soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists"
  • "I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued."
  • He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.
  • Let's not forget all the things Enoby does "passively." Even better? She probably meant "passionately" which... is pretty much the exact opposite.
  • This dramatic reading where Enoby is always whining... no matter what she says.
  • I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1
  • A group of filmmakers are creating a six-part live action adaption of the story. Instead of actually adapting the story, the series is a Deconstructive Parody. It deconstructs the story by keeping almost all of the characters in-character and actually referred to by their proper names... but keeps all of Ebony's inane dialogue and behavior intact. This results in things like Harry and Ron trying to figure out why Ebony keeps calling them "Vampire" and "Diablo". Just to make it even funnier, the series takes the Ho Yay between Harry and Malfoy and runs with it.
    "Vampire Pottor you fucker!"
  • TehPogo's Dramatic Reading series of the story, featuring a brilliant voice-over, hilariously ironic music for the "serious" parts, and ingenious editing skills.
  • "Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly."

Mortal Wills, Mortal HeartsFunny/Fan WorksMy Little Castlevania
Moon DaughterFunny/FANFICMy Inner Life

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