Be že tale ſet in glorious 1300s Scotland or in vexing 1840s Cardiff, žine appropriately "old-faſhiouned" Engliſh ſhalt be baſed on že archaick ſpeech of že Authorized Bible. Žy formula is ſimple: add žou "-ež" & "-eſt" to prędicates randome, ſcatter žou ſilent E-letteres like vnto že leaues of harueſte, bandie about že uuordes "žee", "žou", "žine", "dož", "haſt", & "forſoož", reuerſe žou 'pon eu'ry ožer occaſion že order of žy nounes & žy prędicates, & ſtrewž, žou uuilt be že next Billy Chaxper! Shouldſt žou uuiſh ſome cheaply earned bonus poyntes, vſe žou že "long S" glyphe (ſ) in eu'ry poſſible faſhioun, be it hiſtorically accurate or ožer-uuiſe.
Yea verily, žis dož make že perſonages ſound as fooles complete to any viewer žat poſſeſſež pon a verse of vniuerſitie degree... eſpecially if it goež on for long paſſages. Zoundes!
And that's why there will be no more self-demonstration for the rest of this page.
This sort of faux-Shakespearian writing is often incorrectly referred to as "Old English", but "Old English" is the name of the earliest form of English that was spoken circa AD 500, also known as Anglo-Saxon (See Useful Notes: History of English), and is almost completely unintelligible to a modern English speaker.
The silent "e" is somewhat Truth in Television, as after the Great Vowel Shift but before the mid-18th century, there was chaos in spelling, there being no official standards, and the pronunciations no longer being a guide. Words could be spelled however the author felt like spelling them, which is where we get quotes like "...bicauſe noe .2. thynges, can be moare equalle." Complicating this is that medieval writers made just as many spelling errors as we do, and that paper was so expensive to make that no one would have bothered rewriting a text for a few mistakes. These mistakes could then carry on by other writers copying the text, mistakes and all, and introducing mistakes of their own.
The "ye," as in "ye olde" is not supposed to be pronounced like a "y". This is a modern hypercorrection of the Old English letter thorn, which was still used in Early Modern English (the English of Shakespeare's time) as shorthand to represent the "th" sounds. (To make matters more confusing, modern typography renders the letter thorn as "Ž", which looks nothing like "y".) So "ye olde" actually means and is pronounced as "the old".
Another common error is rooted in the T-V distinction, the difference between familiar and formal you (tu-vous in French, tś-usted in Spanish, also many other languages). The formal form was "you" and the informal form was "thou." Gradually the informal "thou" dropped out of use, leaving only "you." Ironically, this makes "thou" sound more formal in modern English, despite its original job of being the informal form. Partly this comes from the King James Bible, which was written with lots of "thous" to be down with the common folk, including when addressing God! (This is true in many languages - in French for example one prays to God using the informal "tu.")
It can be difficult to find any examples of early modern English used correctly in TV or movies (though please do note any particularly wretched examples you run across). Interestingly enough, in literature, many characters get it very wrong - because there was no agreed-upon spelling for English words, often the ye olde English isn't butcherede enough.
If the issue is simply that the characters are not ones one might expect to be speaking something like Middle English, it may be simply Flowery Elizabethan English. Magick also makes frequent use of Butchered Englishe. Often combined with Hollywood Apocrypha. Compare Canis Latinicus, Antiquated Linguistics, Law of Alien Names and Talk Like a Pirate. Can cause some Fridge Logic when you realise the characters wouldn't actually bespeaking English anyway. Sometimes the result of Did Not Do the Bloody Research.
A quick reference to medieval pronouns:
A Geico commercial depicts The Oldest Tricks In The Book as a man saying "Look!". When the victim looks, the man says "Ha-ha! Madest thou look" instead of "Made thee look".
Odious Twilight fan fic Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen depicts Edward Cullen speaking in horribly butchered pseudo-Elizabethan English (liberally sprinkled with the author's own native 'txt mssg!' language) presumably to lend him a sense of old-fashioned grandeur. Author seems unaware that Edward was born in America in the early 1900's and doesn't speak like this. As it really does need to be seen to be believed, here's an excerpt:
"OMG SWEET LADY!! THY MUST NOT TELL ANYONE! " he screamed "it was a moment of madness thats all!! Im so so sorry for watt happened,i hope thine can forgive me, but ive promised myself to bella and thats just how it is, no matter how much thou intrests me!"
Vloxemort from My Immortal also speaks like this, and it makes about as much sense as the above example. Of course, this is My Immortal, so it's to be expected.
Go find a Shakespeare fanfiction that isn't "modern-language" or "modern AU". It will almost definitely be this. Same goes for Shakespeare-based school assignments.
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfictions written after Princess Luna's return in 'Luna Eclipsed' have sprouted this at times. Luna herself used archaic forms with some accuracy, and had a decent reason for it. Fan writers who have not visited this page ... not as much.
Taken Up to Elevenfor better or worse in works set before or during the time of Nightmare Moon/Discord, where writers are forced to apply this to everypony.
In the Yu-Gi-Oh! GX fanfic "Jaden Without A Cause," Jack, a Wicked Cultured gas station owner says this while raping, torturing and ultimately killing Jaden
Jack: "Thy redemption is for vain, unless thou are willing to avouch that ye are ready to undergo the most deuced part of this ancient attendant's ritual! Do ye accept, ye caitiff little fool?"
The fiction My Inner Life utilizes this in its worst form possible.Some characters using this are justified (e.g. the Great Deku Tree, who used archaic English in Ocarina of Time). However, he uses it completely improperly in the fiction.
In the AU Harry Potter fic ''The Legend of Chastity Lorna, there are many examples, the best of which is probably "Dost the lady not liken herself to the wine?" (for "Does the lady not like her wine?"). Better yet, an author's note explains, "A/N - Arrghhh!!!! Old English is crap so I quit even trying to write dialogue in it about two sentences into the story."
In Perfection Is Overrated, Sekai tends to talk like this as a parody of characters in fanfics who do so, but tends to drop this mode of speaking in moments of extreme emotion, such as when she's dying after her SLAVE is destroyed.
Tony Stark/Iron Man: Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
The Asgardians in the Marvel Cinematic UniverseThor do this, but not as bad as in the comics. It manifests mostly as some old-fashioned word choice and a lack of contractions.
Fantasy novels can be especially bad with this. The Inheritance Cycle tends to have "yea" and "thou art" thrown in with what is normal, modern English, with no reason and to no end.
Not to mention the annoying usage of "mine (subject)" by the dwarves, which is used even when the (subject) begins with a consonant. note Use of "mine" and "thine" is only correct when in front of a vowel, e.g. you'd say "mine arms" but "my legs" (cf. a/an). Also note that the letter "H" could be treated as either a vowel or consonant in this case.
One phrase that encapsulates this tendency in the Inheritance Cycle is "you and thine dragon".
In the early days of MMORPGs (especially in Ultima Online), the fastest way to identify newbies was to see if they talked like this.
Each and every medieval character's dialogue gets a large dose. For example:
"It is a licence to printe monney!" said Master Bilton to Master Scaggs. "The public are crying out for such rubbishe! We must straightway printe a booke of prophecie by some hagge!"
The typesetter's "error" in the Buggre Alle This Bible;
Buggre Alle this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typefettinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone withe half an oz of Sense shoulde bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the liuelong daie inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe. @ *Ę@;!*
The same trope is used in Spanish-speaking literature, especially in translations of foreign fantasy novels or anything older from the 20th century, but sometimes is used even in translations of modern literature as well, possibly as a signal that the characters doesn't speak Spanish or sometimes because the translator is old-fashioned. Sometimes justified because almost all the translations of foreign literature are done in Spain (and sometimes in Colombia) and that country is the biggest market for literature in the Spanish-speaking world.
In the Redwall series, some characters who are aristocrats in their respective societies or are at least nominally conservative have a very archaic way with words.
Older Than Steam: Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queene, from circa 1590, contains certain features (such as the "y-" past participle prefix), used with varying degrees of success, that hadn't been current for about 200 years.
Natives of The Secret Country use a tolerable form of this, including "likes" for "pleases", "a" for "he or she" and "an" for "if". Interestingly, the author manages to vary it to less and more formal depending on the situation, and includes a described language that English-speaking visitors from modern Earth find maddening because they almost understand it; no examples are given, but it might be a form of Old (not Middle) English.
David Wellington's short story Pinecones, set in 1587 Roanoke, provides what would have been a reasonably accurate depiction of fifteenth-century English (that is to say, English of the 1400s.) Of note is this rendition of The Lord's Prayer:
"Our father which art in heuen, hallowed be thy name. Let thy kingdomecumunto us. Thy wyll be fulfylled as well in erthe, as it is in heuen. & lede vs nat in to temtacyon. But delyuer vs from euyll. So be it.
Used in Traitor General to represent the old, proto-Low Gothic language used by the Nihtganes. Although there, it was a combination of normal Butcherede Englishe, random "misspellings" that make everything look like it's weirdly pronounced and some words that Abnett just plain made up.
The short story "Ezekiel" by Desmond Warzel also takes place in 1587 Roanoke. The English is, at least approximately, accurate for its time, mimicking in style other primary documents from that colony.
Appears in some works of David Eddings - and almost immediately afterwards someone else present will comment on how silly the person using it sounds. Also Eddings was very attentive about the proper usage of the words, which made his examples rather easy on the ears.
Thomas Chatterton (1752 - 1770, yes, he died that young) was a Teen Genius famous for publishing the poems of one Thomas Rowley, a monk who, according to his claims, lived in the 15th century and left behind a legacy of manuscript ballads (these were, of course, a hoax and Chatterton's own creation). They were written in "Middle English" which mostly consisted of writing normal English words in mock-archaic orthography with little consistency ("dead" could be written as "dedde", "ded", "dedd", etc.), with a couple of archaisms and dialect words thrown in. When the hoax was discovered, the poor youth was laughed out of literary circles and Driven to Suicide.
William Henry Ireland (1775 - 1835), a slightly later forger inspired by Chatterton but rather less talented, started out by forging William Shakespeare ephemera but finally worked himself up to two complete plays, Vortigern and Rowena, and Henry The Second. Some of his attempts at "Elizabethan" spelling have to be read to be believed, such as "[G]ratitude is alle I have toe utter and that is tooe greate ande tooe sublyme a feeling for poore mortalls toe expresse".
In Cervantes' Don Quixote, the protagonist often, but not always, speaks in mock-medieval Spanish, imitating the intentionally archaic language of chivalric romances.
A couple of the older characters (the Fae, a couple of vamps, etc.) use this in The Dresden Files. Thankfully, it's used sparingly. In at least one case, Harry actually corrects the grammar of a character speaking like this.
Most of the language in the Pit Dragon Chronicles is normal modern English, but dragon trainers deliberately speak Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe to their dragons.
In one of the Last Herald-Mage Vanyel lampshades this when he observes that when she's really upset, his none-too-educated mother tries to write this way, and simply cannot get her thees and thous right.
In Sergey Lukyanenko's New Watch, Anton goes to London to meet with a prophet named Erasmus Darwin (the grandfather of Charles Darwin). He calls Darwin's cell, and is amazed when the guy starts using Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, especially since Erasmus was born in 1731, when such language was not used. However, Erasmus has spent much of his time as a recluse, and Anton assumes the guy is just being eccentric. Later on, Erasmus tones down on the "thou"s.
George R. R. Martin throws in the odd, rather jarring, "I mislike this" (Eddard Stark as Hand of the King) or other supposed mediaevalism into A Song of Ice and Fire, whilst otherwise keeping the characters speaking in reasonably modern language. It seems to be done for effect rather than anything systematic. He also, without any historical precedent, uses "wroth" to mean "anger" instead of "angry".
The title character of Eragon reads the following inscription in a cathedral:
May thee who enter here understand thine impermanence and forget thine attachment to that which is beloved.
"Thee" is an object pronoun being used in a place where the subject pronoun is required,*
The error isn't immediately obvious to modern-day English speakers, but is on the same level as saying, "May me live to see it," "May us meet again," or "May them be very happy." and the succeeding verb isn't even conjugated properly. The inscription should begin, "May thou who enterest here..." Or better yet, "May you who enter here...", given that it's presumably addressed to more than one person.*: "Thou" and "thee" are strictly singular pronouns, whereas "you" can refer to one person or many.
Similarly, in Wizard and Glass, the flashback book of The Dark Tower series, Susan and Cordelia use "thee" (said to be part of "the old tongue") in both the subject and the object position, when in reality it was only the object form of "thou". And when it's used as a subject, verbs after it are conjugated in the third person, which is also incorrect. Also, Cordelia sometimes switches between "you" and "ye" with no apparent rules for distinguishing between them, and even uses "yerself" - seemingly meant to be a reflexive form of "ye" - although when "ye" was used in early modern English, its reflexive form was still "yourself".
Lyve Actionne Tellevisionne
Behind Mr. Bumble in the workhouse/orphanage in the 2007 TV dramatization of Oliver Twist, just before Oliver approaches to say "Please sir, I want some more," we see in capitalized foot-high lettering painted on the wall, "GOD SEEST THOU" rather than "GOD SEETH THEE." In fact, "GOD SEEST THOU" would mean "YOU SEE GOD" (with a very peculiar word ordering) rather than "GOD SEES YOU".
Star Trek misuses archaic English in "Amok Time". Writer Theodore Sturgeon apparently wanted to show that the Vulcan language, or at least an older form of it, had separate second-person singular and plural forms (as French does with "tu" and "vous"). They showed this by using the archaic second-person familiar pronoun "thee" for "you". But T'Pau, the one character to use these formal archaisms, used "thee" even when "thou" would have been the correct word. Even if Vulcan used the same word for both pronouns (as modern English does with "you"), the translator should have been programmed to recognize the difference between subjective and objective pronouns. As it was, formal Vulcan as rendered by Celia Lovsky sounded more like Quaker 'plain speech'. If thou art the subject of a sentence then the object of the sentence wouldst be thee.
In the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Q addresses Picard et al with "Thou art notified that thy kind have infiltrated the galaxy too far already. Thou art directed to return to thine own solar system immediately." This is grammatically correct... but most interpretations assume, logically, that Q is referring to all of humanity here, or at least Starfleet, or at least the Enterprise crew. In fact, thou can never be plural... so Q is telling Picard, specifically, to go home. Not quite as grandiose a demand as the writers probably intended.
Hot In Cleveland presents a horrifying example, wherein Amish folk are shown to speak the most awfully butchered Olde English imaginable. Made worse because the Amish were originally German so why are they speaking an archaic version of English?
In the miniseries, Shogun, every time Blackthorne waxes romantic over his Japanese interpreter, he falls into this. "I say thou art beautiful, and I love thee!" This is meant to show by Translation Convention that he is speaking Latin, a language that few Japanese people know. The novel makes it somewhat clearer.
Used by Adam Savage on MythBusters as a running joke involving medieval myths and legends.
"It turns out that 'ye olde' techniques take 'ye olde' sweet time.''
Romeo X Juliet was dubbed in English with certain characters speaking in an approximation of Shakespearean English. Some characters do this all the time (William and Ophelia, who also talks in rhyming iambic pentameter), some characters talk entirely in more modern English, and some characters (such as the eponymous pair) shifting back and forth between the two modes
In theEnglish dub, Kaede speaks absolutely normally except for replacing you with "ye." It's made even stranger by the fact that other people from her era don't do it. Other old people from her era don't do it. Other old Shrine Maidens from her era don't do it.
In the very first episode, a few villagers also used heavy "old English". By the next episode this was conspicuously absent; it's likely the dubbers realized quickly it was either too much work, test audiences responded negatively, or the silliness of the second episode made it unneeded.
Especially strained in the first episode was this line where one villager is wondering if they'd have done better against Lady Centipede than Inuyasha:
Villager: Lady Kaede, methinks mayhap that we might have chanced the centipede.
The Viz translation of Ooku, applies this quite liberally in rendering the old-fashioned Japanese of the original, with the effect of obscuring plot-relevant dialectical differences.
Jill deLauncebeaux talks like this in the English dub of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds. (One of several ways he was changed in the dub, I should add.)
The English dub of (and in the English subtitles of the Japanese version on the DVD) Sekirei has Tsukiumi talk like this, most likely as a way of translating her formal Japanese. When she says "Have at thee, villain!", though, it's hard not to imagine her being Thor'sDistaff Counterpart.
In fan translations of YuYu Hakusho, as well as the subs on the Funimation DVDs, a woman from 700 years ago whom Raizen met and fell in love with talks this way.
The official English translation of Trinity Blood has all the upper-class vampires speaking like this. Since they're all hundreds of years old and incredibly posh, it's implied that that's why they do it...but it makes little sense, since they're not actually English, their Empress (who's much older than her subjects) and her brother Abel don't speak like it, and as the whole thing takes place After the End, it's not sure how they'd know anything about Medieval English. It becomes quite annoying when dramatic scenes are sprinkled with lots of "dost thou"'s and "didst"'s.
Many fan translations of Himari's extremely formal speech in Omamori Himari have her use this.
Oddly enough, so do many churches, with a largely similar failure rate. It's fine when you're singing a hymn that was indeed written in that era, but all too often, churches either (1) convert part of the archaic English, but not all of it, to modern English, or (2) insert archaic English in a modern song.
Strangely enough, Martin Nystrom's original word was "you." However, the original first lines were "As the deer panteth for the water / So my soul longeth after you."
Used properly (albeit archaically) by Stan Rogers in "Harris and the Mare," with the line "Harris, fetch thy mare and take us home."
Upside Down by Diana Ross features the infamous line "Respectfully I say to thee"
Edguy's "Robin Hood" features Tobias Sammet telling everyone to "bewareth."
The 1970s musical Godspell has many lines and songs written in this way. That's because much of the dialogue is taken straight from The Bible, and many of the songs are pop/rock settings of older hymns—and the hymns' language was often archaic even when they were written.
Pippin, though using this trope very little, does have a beggar tell Pippin, "Up thine, sire."
Ye Gameſ of Yon Video
Dragon's Dogma is probably the worst offender for this trope. Nearly every line is delivered in some sort of butchered pseudo-Shakespearean dialect that confuses some to the point of actually requiring translation. Of course, the developers seemed to be aware of this to a degree and actually had quest-essential dialogue written and delivered in as near to modern English as possible, albeit with a few "olde"-sounding words chucked in for good measure.
Vampire: The Masquerade - Redemption makes extensive use of this trope: all these thou's and thee's can easily make your head spin - but only before you realize that it actually sounds fun. It is curious, however, that the game (first half anyway) takes place in medieval Prague and Vienna.
Humorously lampshaded in Two Worlds II: in a giant RPG universe, all characters speak more or less normal English (or an otherwise localised language), with the exception of a single one, who delivers all his sentences with an Extreme Overdose of mock-Middle English (complete with a parody accent). "Lo, wayfarer! Pray tell, whenceforth comest thou? What bringeth thee hereabout?" is just his greeting. This leaves the game's hero puzzled, scratching his head and trying to decipher what he's just heard. The character is even named "Iocus Munduo", which, in Dog Latin, would sort-of stand for "a Two Worlds joke". You can listen to him for yourself. Played quite straight in the original.
Vagrant Story actually quite thoroughly subverts this. Although the script is in Early Modern English, it's rather moderate and tame compared to what one would suspect from translation attempts of the time period.
Dynaheir in Baldur's Gate. Ye gods, Dynaheir in Baldur's Gate. Her death before the start of Baldur's Gate II was no doubt cause for much rejoicing among anyone who can even remotely speak English. Among other things, she used "thy" as an all-around 2nd person pronoun, and "thee" for a 1st person pronoun! All this despite being some kind of cultural mashup of Middle Eastern and Russian, or something like that.
In the Ultima series, Britannians use "thee/thou/thine" everywhere, and occasionally add "art" and "hast," but otherwise speak in a modern style. On the plus side, it's at least internally consistent. In Ultima Underworld II, at one point the game itself lapses into this manner of speech: after successfully training lockpicking with Julia, a message informs you that "She briefly tutors thee on lockpicking." Elsewhere, it just refers to you as "you". In Ultima VII the Guardian speaks using modern (or rather Earth) English, which helps reinforce the feeling he is from another world. Curiously, he starts speaking like other Britannians in later games.
The original English versions (later translations removed this) of the first two Dragon Quest games had not only all of the characters speak pseudo-Early Modern English, but the "narrator" in the game's user interface as well. Similarly, the names of characters and locations were changed to names either relating to Arthurian legend or fitting the tone of the game.
The Slime attacks! Thy hit(s) have decreased by 1.
They had to drop it in III and IV because those games take place across the globe rather than being in one territory. Plus, try to imagine Manya/Mara/Maya talking like a person from The Bible...
In the original translation of the Squaresoft game Chrono Trigger, the character Frog, born in the "Middle Ages", spoke this way. For some reason or other, he was the only one given such ridiculous lines, despite the Middle Ages having hundreds of other, un-butchered lines of dialogue, and Frog himselftalking normally in flashbacks to when he was just Glenn. However, this trope has been averted in the new, improved translation used for the Nintendo DS (and later, smartphone) port, where he's merely a bit formal.
Cyan in Final Fantasy VI talks the same way, making grievous errors like "I art" (though in Cyan's case he spoke in faux-historic Japanese in the Japanese version as well).
Ingus, from the DS version of Final Fantasy III also does this kind of thing occasionally. No one else talks this way.
Happens in Final Fantasy VIII if you go to fight Odin. "The Heavens hath decreed thy fate".
Yoshimitsu of SoulCalibur speaks in terribly mangled Shakespearean English that completely ignores proper declension ("-est" being applied to third person verbs, for instance) and seems to gain and lose "Olde English" features at random. In his more pretentious moments, his diction tends to take on aspects of Delusions of Eloquence as well.
Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume uses a decidedly 'old' flavor of speech, but achieves this primarily through the use of archaic (but legitimate) grammar structures, and the occasional uncommon word like "unto."
The Great Deku Tree in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time speaks in this. Like the Elminster example above, it could have something to do with the Deku Tree's age. Weirdly. Great Deku Tree II, appearing in the second half of Ocarina of Time and The Wind Waker does not speak like this, despite retaining Great Deku Tree I's memories and personality.
Luna in Tales of Symphonia. Summoners are expected to talk like this as part of the pact ritual, despite only one spirit doing so. Gnome finds it annoying.
Happens in the Medieval stages of the NES game Day Dreamin' Davey.
Several characters in Dark Souls speak at least the occasional bout of this, even the Hulk Speak-using Giant Blacksmith.
Build-a-Lot: The Elizabethan Era, a Casual Video Game, attracted multiple denunciations for this trope on its Big Fish Games forum. One gamer contrasted the developers bragging (in a Premium Edition making-of segment) about the care taken, and the repeated revisions necessary, to produce good visuals for the game.
In Sly Cooper: Thieves In Time, Sir Galleth Cooper, Sly's Medieval England ancestor speaks like this. This includes using "Forsooth!" as an exclamation.
In Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team, when you go to evolve a Pokemon, the voice of whatever allows a Pokemon to evolve refers to that single Pokemon as "ye" to sound old-fashioned and mysterious, but "ye" is plural, which shouldn't be used when talking to a single Pokemon. For the Pokémon series as a whole: the use of "Forme" for certain pokemon with multiple forms (e.g. Giratina, Deoxys, Shaymin, Aegislash), instead of "Form".
In Persona 2: Innocent Sin, the part-time clerk at Peace Burger talks like this in the english translation, despite being a modern Japanese girl. It turns out one of the regulars spread a rumor about it (since rumors have the supernatural power to come true) because she thought it would be funny.
The Ever-Faithful Leobuilt in Primordia speaks this way, for no apparent reason other than that he was created to preach the local Robot Religion. Horatio comments that "something must be wrong with his language processing unit".
In Drowtales daydream's sidestory Vel'cahal, they all speak this way because the setting is based around 1000 years before the main comic. However it gets terrible when the high queen summons an even more ancient sentient aura.
Sharess: Thou hast much to answer for, Reshalt. My mind is now greatly burdened by the events which thy Empress did'st arrange.
Reshalt: ...then whyfoore do ye calle me? Why haf I ben broghte to liyf? Am I to be torchured?
Doctor Steel's lament in "The Dr. Steel Show", Episode 1: "Damn Thee Spam, DAMN THEE!"
Button, oh button, where hast thou fled? Did thee tarry too long amongst needle and thread? Did thee roll off my bosom and cease to exist? How I wish I could follow thee into the mist.
Not too awful, however to nitpick, the word "thee" (the first two times) should be "thou". Although "thee" sounds more poetic, it would be like saying "Did him tarry too long...?" or "Did him roll of my bosom...?" It is grammatically incorrect.
The Transformers: In the Episode A Decepticon Raider In King Arthur's Court (spellcorrected from the original A Deceptacon Raider in King Arthur's Court), the inhabitants of the area around "Camelot" speak this way.
Sir Waggon of Blackthorne pretends to nothing. Who art thou?
Starscream: I am Starscream of Cybertron.
Subversions, Parodies, etc.
The Progressive insurance ad. "More discounts than we knoweth what to do with"
In one issue of the ALFComicbook Adaptation, Gordon "ALF" Shumway delivers a Melmac flashback that is a dual parody of the American Revolution and the Battle of Troy. When the Melmacian version of the Declaration of Independence is being written, one character asks about "In Congrefs", prompting the writer to ask for his ink eraser.
In the last Sandman book, The Wake, the people at the Renaissance fair do this, to the great annoyance of the six hundred year old Hob Gadling. Ren fair actors are actually trained to talk like this, because authentic Elizabethan speech varies between being incomprehensible and actually sounding too modern. Almost nobody said 'thee' by that time except Shakespeare.
Parodied in an issue of Deadpool in which Deadpool briefly takes possession of Thor's hammer and changes his speech patterns accordingly.
All the Norse gods in Thor's various books talk like that. ALL. THE. TIME. Now that Asgard is floating over a field in Oklahoma this is countered by hilariously backwoods country talk.
The Enchantress of the Young Masters in Young Avengers. She tries to talk in Thor-speak but often gets it wrong (even by Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe standards) or forgets to do it. It'll be like "Okay. —I mean, forsooth!"
The bad Norse dialogue in Heroes Reborn: Avengers turns out to be proof that "Thor" is a Counter-Earth duplicate after the real Thor arrives.
Marvel's Hercules used to talk like that, too, adopting a more modern style round about Civil War. He targets the trope during a rant in The Incredible Hercules:
Why do you persist in talking in old-timey Shakespeare talk? We're from Greece! From two thousand years before Shakespeare!
Herc originally talked like that because he was a character first seen in Thor, and all the Asgardians didst speake in such manner — or they did once Stan Lee decided it was a cool idea to have them do so. It was a bit of a creeping growth over the first few years of the Thor comics. Initially, Thor talks pretty much standard American English, but gradually, as more and more Asgardian elements are introduced into the comic, his speech becometh more and more Butcherede, as doth that of other non-Midgard characters, including the Olympians when they are introduced.
Sigurd: —For thy bewitching gaze doth compel noble Sigurd do get thy digits...
Verity Willis: —Aaand this conversation is over.
Sigurd: Everyone loves the oldie-worldie talk when Thor does it.
Again in Loki: Agent of Asgard #4:
Sigurd: Then I guess it's thee. Thou. Whatever.
The sound Spider-Man's web-shooters normally make is "thwip". In Spider-Man 1602, the sound effect is instead "thwippe".
In Alan Moore's Promethea, current Promethea Sophie Bangs and predecessor Grace Brannaugh(who illustrated fantasy pulp magazines about Promethea during the late 20s), encounter the evil wizard Neptura in the Immateria. The wizard is modeled after Promethea's adventures in the 20s pulps(his full name, Marto Neptura, was originally the house pseudonym for the writers of the Promethea pulps), and speaks in grammatically incorrect Olde Englishe:
Neptura: Promethea. Think not that I do not SEE thou, little one. Neptura sees ALL!
Grace: Stupid man, it's "Thee", not "Thou". Hopeless without an editor!
In Adam Warren's Dirty Pair: Sim Hell, Yuri is shown as an anime-type RPG character trying to rescue the "fair elven princess" Kei from the Big Bad:
Yuri: I say thee nay, foul varlet! Thy fate is sealed bigtime! Kei: "Fair elven princess"? This is really stupid.
In Peter David's run on Supergirl, a villainess named Satan Girl is a resurrected Satanist from the 18th Century. When she's brought back, she speaks with the expected "thee's and thy", only in the next issue she tells her resurrected nemesis that she'll drop the formal speak if she'll drop her "holier-than-thou name calling."
Mocked in the Compelled series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanction, especially when several characters begin talking like this just to annoy Buffy who was complaining about their foul language. She quickly decides she's better off with the foul language.
Jericho: Jericho, a Teuton, notes that when he gets nervous or otherwise overly emotional, he tends to speak English with a more 1:1 German-English translation, which happens to sound very Shakespearean. As the story does on, Jericho's narration and speech patterns pick up more archaisms and formalities, while still being accurate. Earlier in the story, though, Jericho actually parodies Old English in a scene wherein he is confronting a perceived witch regarding a demon within her body.
Jericho: What price does it demand of thee?! Lie not to me, witch! None but the unholy can the future see! Speakst thou to me of sorcery, witchcraft, Bruchmagie!? Thou hast clearly to me dealing with a demon been. [Beat] I appear to only be able to speak in weird, half-sensical archaisms when dealing with demons. Should probably see a doctor about that.
When characters are involved in correspondence (e.g. Carrot, Vimes, and William de Worde), they are shown writing in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe and basically read like Samuel Pepys, despite speaking in modern English.
Several books say it's not strictly Ye Olde Butchered Englishe, it's more that practically no-one in Ankh-Morpork can spell. Known exceptions are the Patrician and de Worde, whose style is excessively formal but uses standard spelling. Likewise, Rincewind apparently spells in a modern fashion, despite the hat, at least in the diary he keeps in The Last Continent.
In Mort, Ysabel says that the Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe book was written "before they invented spelling."
In Science of Discworld 2: The Globe, the wizards are trying to evict the Elves from Roundworld (Earth). Towards the end they visit William Shakespeare in the chapter "A Woman on ftage?"
Science of Discworld III: Darwin's Watch mentions in a footnote that Paley's watch argument was almost old enough to use these, leading to 'manifeftation of defign'
Soul Music played with ſ , mentioning the guitar primer "Play your Way to Succefs in Three Easy Lefsons and Eighteen Hard Lefsons."
In Witches Abroad, where Magrat pronounces ſ s as "f"s while quoting her herbal, prompting Nanny to tell her that a "herbal drink" (absinthe) would "put a cheft on your cheft".
Played with in Lords and Ladies, when the magically sleeping bodies of a long-dead army are casually reawakened.
Ancient King: What tyme does thou call thys then?
Also played with in Pyramids. When Teppic's ancestors come back to life, the older they are, the more butchered their English gets.
In Thud!, Grag Bashful Bashfullson speaks in this manner when translating the old Dwarfish language spoken by the ancient king on the recorded on the Device. Well, until he gets to the part about the trolls, at which point he's so shocked he forgets.
The poem "Thumbe-Hearte" in the poetry collection Raving Lunacy is written exclusively as an extremified parody of William Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson, complete with ridiculous spellings and capitalisation, making it near impossible to decipher.
Michael Crichton's Timeline. The main character goes back in time to Medieval periods, and can't understand a word he hears, aside from rudimentary "methinks" and "thousayeth". When he does understand a word, "genteel", he takes it to mean the current meaning "gentle" - instead of the old meaning "noble".
One interesting aversion is that while Henry Fielding's 18th century writing style is somewhat similar to what is commonly thought of as Olde English, in his novel Jonathan Wild, when detailing Wild's ancestry, he depicts the one living in the Dark Ages speaking actual Old English.
This is actually a minor clue in the third book of The Dresden Files. Part of the backstory has Harry and the Chicago PD taking down a sorcerer. In a flashback, you hear the sorcerer talking with "thee"s and "thou art"s strewn about his language, to which Harry responds something like, "Shut up, nobody talks like that any more." Later, when the demon pursuing him speaks the same way, Harry says the same thing. He doesn't catch on to it for awhile, but it's the first clue as to the real identity of the villain.
Harry also subverts this by correcting other people's Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. When a demon tells him, "I will tear out thy heart! I will hunt thy friends and their children!" he replies, "It's THINE heart."
In Peter S. Beagle's The Folk of the Air, the Olde Englishe spoken by members of a society based on the SCA is derided as "Castle Talk." One character remarks, "It's got no rules!"
In David Weber's Heirs of Empire series, Jiltanith insists on speaking in "Elizabethan English". She says she does this to show her disdain for the modern world, but everyone else, including her father Horus (who has been around long enough to have inspired the Egyptian god), finds it annoying.
Justified in-story—most of the crew of the counter-mutineer battleship have been awake through most of human history, but Jiltanith was put back into cryosleep around the Wars of the Roses and only woke up relatively recently.
The British series What the Tudors Did for Us has episode titles like this, e.g. "Desygner Livinge."
To determineth the amounteth that thou canst claimeth for depreciation to thine cow, deducteth the amount showneth on Line XVLIICX-A of Schedule XVI, from the amount showneth on Line CVXILIIVMM of Schedule XVVII... No, waiteth, we meaneth Line XCII of Schedule CXVIILMM... No, holdeth it, we meaneth... note Sadly, while it is this trope, it isn't that far off the mark as to the brand of impenetrability and verbosity of 18th-century British legislation: try reading the offending Stamp Act, for instance, without clutching your head at the one-two punch of Antiquated Linguistics combined with legalese.
In "Ye Olde Humor Columne," Barry offers an original proposal for having the federal government raise taxes by making stores pay an annual rate of $50,000 for each unnecessary "e" in their names, with the word "ye" incurring an additional $50,000 tax. Under this proposal, the owner of "Ye Olde Shoppe" would pay $150,000 a year, and the owner of "Ye Olde Barne Shoppe" "would simply be taken outside and shot."
In Claw Your Way To The Top, he gives a quick guide for salespeople who are looking to entertain a client. In his chart, he lists "Examples of classy restaruant names": Eduardo's, Le Pleuve en Voiture, and Ye Reallie Olde Countrie Manour Downes Inne. (The examples of non-classy names were "Booger's", "The Chew 'n' Swallow", and "Commander Taco".)
The Shakespeare quotes that occasionally appear in his writings, aside from variations on "O Romeo, Romeo," are simply a bunch of archaic words arranged nonsensically to form heroic couplets.
What dost thine flinder knowest of thy face? Doth not the savage bull his row displace?
In Archer's Goon by Diana Wynne Jones, Hathaway, who lives in the past, sends Quentin Sykes a letter with "f" used freely instead of "s". (In the TV adaptation, the effect is retained by having the letter read aloud by a meffenger with a ftrange fpeech impediment.) Hathaway himself speaks modern English to the main characters, but period English to his wife and children.
In Nick Harkaway's The Gone-Away World, students of the Jarndice University take an oath stating that they will looke upon ye world with an eye to ye proper managemente thereofe, ye goode conducte of ye businesse of livynge and ye keeping of ye pease, and that all magisters will give heede to ye thoughts one of another, and not take untoe themselves an excessive pryde.
1066 and All That includes a fragment of Saxon poetry in "eaold" English, and part of a Danish epic poem titled Beoleopard, or The Witan's Wail. The latter includes some actual Old English words, but is nevertheless a parody.
From Henry Beard's short Raymond Chandler parody "The Big Recall": ". . . the El Olde English Pubbe, with beer in test tubes and a menu that offered mafhed potatoef and firloin fteak."
Played with along with a case of Shown Their Work in the novel Captain Corelli's Mandolin. A British officer is dropped on the Greek island of Cephallonia during WWII to foment a resistance movement. The officer was chosen because of his university studies in Ancient Greek. His Greek is rendered in the text as (proper) Old English, which none of the Greeks initially understand.
Bored of the Rings uses this for a one-off joke involving the sentence "Greetingf ye olde wayfarerf" printed in blackletter type.
Ozymandias, of The Tripods, uses this as part of his disguise, a brain-damaged Vagrant.
The Bartimaeus Trilogy is about a djinni who is summoned by a 12-year-old magician living in the modern world. The human boy tries to use Ye Olde Butchered English, presumably to sound impressive, but the century-old djinni makes fun of him for it, and his narrator-self comments:
More than the renewed captivity, it was these occasional archaisms that annoyed me so much. "Thee, "recreant demon" - I ask you! No one used language like that anymore, and hadn't for two hundred years.
Averted in The Goblin Emperor. Ethuverazhin, the language the characters speak, has a you formal/you familiar distinction. The author shows this by resurrecting "thee" and "thou" and using them correctly.
Lyve Actionne Tellevisionne
The ſ became a Running Gag in an episode of Cheers: "Life, liberty, and the purfuit of happineff" (which was actually written "happineſs").
In one episode the 'bots are complaining about Mike's really outdated encyclopedia, with at one point Crow remarking that "Congress is spelled with an 'f'! How do you pronounce it? 'Congrefffffff'?"
Then there was the Roger Corman movie The Undead (the plot involves no undead, which should be a clue to its quality) where everybody in the past portions talked in an especially bad form of this, up to and including words like "now-eth". Mike and the bots got a lot of comedic gold out of that.
Lampshaded to amusing effect in the Doctor Who episode "The Shakespeare Code", in which companion Martha Jones speaks briefly in some rather horrid-sounding 'Olde Englishe', at which point the Doctor quickly quiets her and tells her to just speak normally.
Young Crone:[in a cackling Cockney accent] That it be. That it be.
Blackadder: "Yes, it is", not "that it be." You don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me. I'm not a tourist.
The ſ was also used as an extended gag in The Benny Hill Show, in a novelty song called "Fad Eyed Fal," in which all of the Ss were replaced with Fs.
In an episode of The Vicar of Dibley, The Ditz Alice Tinker reads from a very old Bible, and pronounces all the ſ s as "f"s. The vicar stops her before she gets to the word "succor".
In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon criticizes a historically inaccurate Renaissance Fair, saying, "My God, those people need to learn you can't just put 'ye olde' in front of anything you want and expect to get away with it."
Averted in Babylon 5: When a guy who believes he is King Arthur arrives at the station, one of the crew theorize that he may be the real King Arthur abducted and kept alive by the Sufficiently Advanced Vorlons. (It happened before with a Victorian character, after all.) This is shot down by another member pointing out that he speaks modern English with a heavy British accent, whereas the real King Arthur would be speaking a completely different language.note Brythonic (a variety of Celtic), ancestor of modern Welsh.
In an episode of Dempsey and Makepeace, Dempsey finds Makepeace at an archery range and launches into a fake monologue full of butchered English before Makepeace tells him to "stop butchering the language".
Used to hilarious effect in thisKey And Peele sketch. A lot of the old timey dialogue consists of adding "-eth" to the end of words ("fucketh yeah!") and turning the usual statement "[Blank] is my shit!" into "Othello is my shite!", which apparently makes it Shakespearean.
Stan Freberg used this gag for his "United States of America Volume One" album.
Franklin (reading the Declaration of Independence): "'...life, liberty, and the purfuit of happineff'?"
Jefferson: "It's 'pursuit of happiness'."
Franklin: "Well, all your Ss look like Fs!"
Jefferson: "Oh, it's 'in'; it's very 'in'!"
Franklin: "Well, if it's 'in'..."
Just for the sake of completeneſs, the English comedy songwriting team of Flanders and Swann mentioned this in their treatment of Greensleeves. "And at the top it said, Green Fleeves. [Thomas] Kyd looked at this; he thought, 'Well, that's a pretty unlikely title ... for a fong.'"
Lupe Fiasco with a fake British accent? Trope Averted. Lupe Fiasco without the accent?
"O ye tormented souls!"
"No Heaven up above you, no Hell underneath ye, and no one to receive thee..."
Ursula Vernon sometimes paints fictionary ads, and naturally one for "Blackbeard's Rugged Tampons" uses Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
The Bayeux Tapestry meme (examples here), which involves reproducing other memes using a Bayeux Tapestry generator, is full of these.
Game Chap's Minecraft videos do this a lot, such as calling the Skeleton mob "Ye Olde Skellingtonne".
In a Sovisa filler, Ryn murders a bartender while trapped in the past because he's talking like this. And because It's Ryn we're talking about apparently it really annoys her, she states it bugs her more than being shot.
One quotation ("O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?") has misled most people about "wherefore", which means "why" and not "where". Juliet is not asking where Romeo is, but rather complaining about his identity as a member of a rival family (she goes on "What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet."), signifying his family, feuding with hers. The word "wherefore" is related to "therefore", but as the latter is still in common use it doesn't cause the same confusion. (And if the phrase "whys and wherefores" wasn't dying out of the common vernacular, it would help understanding no end.)
It doesn't stop joke writers who should know better from having Romeo answer, "Over here!" (And it's probable that many of them do know better, given that it would make no sense in context to have Romeo shout that to Juliet, because he's sneaking up in the middle of the night to her balcony to see her. Stock Parodies are not required to be faithful to the play, though.)
Macbeth: Oh! Yet I do repent me of my fury that I did kill them. Macduff: Wherefore did you so? Macbeth: Um, hello? The bedchamber? Where they were? Look, I know it's early, but try to keep up, okay? [nervous pause] Macbeth: Oh...right.
The Rodgers and Hart musical A Connecticut Yankee (based on Mark Twain's novel In Name Only) gleefully mixed archaic diction with twentieth-century slang. The show's hit song "Thou Swell" (quoted above) is representative.
"The Golden Ram" from Two By Two begins, "Ye who thirsteth, come and drinketh." It gets worse.
Ye Gameſ of Yon Video
Heretic had difficulty levels called "Bringest them oneth," "Black Plague Possesses Thee", "Thou needest a wet nurse," and the inexplicably modern "Yellowbellies-R-Us".
The official strategy guide for World of Warcraft (with guest artwork by the fellows at Penny Arcade) advises players against doing this. Makes sense, since characters in the Warcraft verse don't talk like that in the first place.
Several quotes from the first World Heroes game are translated from Japanese into this instead of using normal English. It's dropped in the sequels, though.
In one cartoon, Strong Bad gets an email from a viewer in England asking what he thinks of the English. His assessment starts with assuming that the writer is supposed to have a superfluous -e on the end of his name (and editing the message accordingly) and goes downhill from there. (This is Played for Laughs, of course.)
Aside from the namesake strip, Hark! A Vagrant avoids this with a vengeance... by making all the historical figures use extremely casual modern speech patterns and slang. This has the side effects of a) not alienating the audience from the premise and b) making the stories even funnier.
In El Goonish Shive, an extra adds "-eth"snote and yet doesn't use "doth" to the "Methinks the lady doth protest too much" quote when she tries to use it to convey a point.
In "All The Presidents' Heads", Benjamin Franklin was angry at the ſ writing, saying "That's how we write our 'S's, you ſtupid ſhitheads!"
Bender: "Bite my shiny metal aſſ!"
A particularly odd example is the Angry Archer of Transformers Animated, who talks like this all the time even though he's in The Future. Mildly justified in that he's somewhere between Robin Hood and Green Arrow in terms of his gimmick, and has occasionally spoken in actual (mangled) Shakespeare quotes. Now, his excuse for doing that is pretty up in the air.
Used in an episode of Rugrats when the parents take the babies to a renaissance fair. Didi takes the babies to "Ye Olde Daycare" and the following conversation takes place:
Didi: Raiseth thy gate, good sir, so I may droppeth off my kids...eth!
Homer became the town cryer of a festival, and would speak in this way whenever he rang his bell. He even refused to listen to Marge at one point unless she (reluctantly) played along.
Homer: Hear ye, hear ye! What's for breakfast?
Homer: I can't understand thee.
Marge:(sigh) Ye olde toast.
Also used in the segment where Selma is Queen Elizabeth I. There is a gag using a banner that reads Miſſion Accompliſhed poking fun at a certain premature victory celebration aboard an aircraft carrier.
Played with at the Renaissance festival, where Lunch Lady Doris is vending roast a pig on a spit. Homer asks if he can have some, but Doris' "ears are open only to the pleas of those who speak ye olde English." Homer, not missing a beat, falls to one knee and rephrases his request—in rhyming iambic pentameter, no less:
Homer: Fair maiden of the spit, grant now my boon that I might sup on suckling pig this noon!
The Venture Bros.: Hank Venture thinks Oscar Wilde's last name is simply "the ye olde fashioned way" of spelling "wild", which partially ruins an important riddle he and his brother are trying to solve.
In Codename: Kids Next Door, the minor villain, King Sandy, occasionally speaks in that form of English, along with his knightly cousins, which is part of the (fake) kingly act he pulls off.