Web Video / Sword Art Online Abridged

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Kirito: Oh, looks like we're. Out. Of. Time. We'll have to continue this next week, but in the meantime, please enjoy these lovely consolation prizes from the "Kirito Is Always Right Foundation".
Asuna: Oh my God, you're insufferable!

Sword Art Online Abridged is an Abridged Series of Sword Art Online, made by Something Witty Entertainment. It currently has ten episodes. The series stars a Jerkass version of Kirito, who, along with other characters and the rest of the unfortunate players, work their way up to the top of Castle Aincrad... as if it was in a typical internet fashion. Hilarity Ensues.


Contains examples of:

  • 8.8: In-Universe: Why Schmidt is such a nervous wreck.
    Kains: Oh my god, Schmidt is not the killer!
    Schmidt {off-screen}: AW, COME ON!
    Kains: So then why the hell were you apologizing to Grizelda?
    Schmidt: Hey, people threatened to kill me for giving Pokemon V&R a 7 out of 10. At this point, I've learned to just assume the position.
  • Adaptational Villainy:
    • Downplayed with Kirito. Yes, he's more of an asshole than his unabridged counterpart, but he still shares some of his virtues. Even if he has a higher kill count than in the original series. He starts mellowing out though.
    • While Grimlock wasn't a good guy to begin with, his backstory was a bit more tragic than the Abridged version, with the fear of the game and his wife becoming more and more of a Blood Knight and no longer resembling the woman he fell in love with driving him to insanity. The Abridged version manages to make him even more of a villain by turning the backstory into him murdering Griselda over whether or not she'd Stay in the Kitchen.
    • In a truly terrifying manner, Asuna. While the real one was Silk Hiding Steel, this one is an Ax-Crazy Yandere Stalker with a Crush Jerk Ass who has zero problems with murder and arson to keep Kirito to herself.
    • Tiffany in the original series was an Uncle Pennybags who used the profits from his store to support the low-level players. Here, he is a Con Man who intentionally sells bad gear to player completely overpriced.
  • Affably Evil: Kayaba Akihiko, who is able to wish a random player happy birthday while trapping over ten thousand people in his video game under threat of Your Head Asplode.
    Kayaba:Ah, they grow up so fast. Cherish these moments, Steven. Cherish these moments.
  • A God Am I: Kirito lapses into this after Rosalia intentionally pushes all three of his Berserk Buttons, and he reveals that his level is so high that his wounds "heal faster than [they] can make them."
    Kirito: We could do this all day, and you would not be any closer to beating me, not that it wouldn't be fun. But, I've got good news. You see, there's no need to wonder where your god is! 'Cause he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy!
    In the background, a random Mook begins crying in despair.
  • And Your Reward Is Clothes: That mystery item that is said to be able to res' players? Well, in the words of Kirito:
    Kirito: It's a hat. It's a goddamn hat.
    • To add insult to injury it's a copy of Keita's charisma-boosting hat which Kirito already despised, and which was partially responsible for the death that Kirito was hoping to undo.
  • Anti-Poop Socking: The tutorial NPC companion uses a common MMO method, which is unfortunately not applicable since Kayoba trapped all the players in the game.
    Tutorial NPC: You have been playing for 4608 hours. Maybe you should take a break.
    Keita: I WOULD IF I COULD, MOM! BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY AN OPTION, NOW IS IT!?!?
  • Artificial Stupidity: The NPC Companions that make up the bulk of the Moonlit Black Cats guild in Episode 3. Two are from quests that Keita never finished so they would stick with him and do most of the work for him, and one is from the tutorial... Which he never finished. They tend to spout dialogue from their specific quests that loops every few minutes or so, and act just as problematic as most A.I. 'bots in other games. Only in SAO, the consequences of their stupidity result in the death of the only human player on the guild besides Kirito and Keita, Sachi.
  • Ascended Extra: Kibao, a minor character from episode 2, returns in episode 10 as a leader of a powerful group.
  • Attack! Attack! Attack!:
    Corvatz:: My men don't even know the meaning of the word surrender.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Happens a lot with the background characters/random players. Crosses over with Too Dumb to Live a lot of the time.
    Diabel (in the first boss battle): Squad F! For fuck's sake, stop playing Bejeweled! Arrgh!
  • Babies Make Everything Better: Spoofed with Asuna and Kirito adopting Yui, then one-upping each other with suggesting to adopt ever more kids, just because they're hoping the other one will "blink first" and break off the marriage.
  • Becoming the Mask: Kirito and Asuna only play along with Yui considering them mommy and daddy because they're both hoping the other will freak out and call off their marriage, while Yui only did it to find out what makes their relationship tick. But their feelings are real enough by the end of the episode. Just in time for the Tear Jerker.
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: Kirito and Asuna's relationship. Even if they don't spend nearly as much time denying their feelings for each other as is common for this trope, that doesn't stop the belligerence.
    Yui: I gradually fell into despair. But then, all of that changed when I found you two. [...] The most broken, sociopathic players I'd ever laid eyes on. Less people than a loose collection of character defects. [...] But somehow, together, you were happy. Everything I knew about human relationships told me that one would eventually kill the other. And yet, no matter how often you fought, your bond only seemed to grow stronger.
  • Berserk Button: Kirito has several of these, including, but not limited to:
    1. Insulting his level/stats, or implying he's on par with weaker players.
    2. Insinuating that he sounds like a girl.
    3. Being psycho-analyzed by someone with what amounts to a single class of experience, who's obviously posturing.
    4. Gary seems to be his biggest since Rosalia had to push the three of the above Berserk Buttons to achieve the same result as Gary's mere existence.
    5. Saying he will never be Batman.
    6. Killing your wife because she wouldn't make you a sandwich.
    7. Making Kirito actually care about humanity.
    8. Livestreaming number 7 and proceeding to spread it throughout the entire game.
  • Bond One-Liner: From Kirito when Corvatz dies. Surprisingly, it isn't played for comedy or badassery, but as a futile attempt by Kirito to keep up his uncaring attitude towards the deaths of other players.
  • Break the Cutie: Let's just say episode 4 was not kind to Silica...
  • Break Them by Talking: Seems to be (or have been) Rosalia's method of choice, using what Kirito aptly described as "first-year psyche-student bullshit" to try and get inside her opponents' heads and psyche them out, breaking them until they're a "gibbering mess" so that her Titans' Hand goons can finish the job. Needless to say, this comes back to bite her when she pushes Kirito too far.
  • Brick Joke:
    • "Group up and hit it 'til it dies!"
    • In episode 2, we learn that Asuna doesn't know how to open the menu. By the end of the episode, Kirito uses this knowledge against her.
    • The "meat toboggan" comment from Episode 5 comes back in 6.
    • Rosalia's last taunt to Kirito.
    • The riot after Heathcliff's anticlimactic duel with Kirito keeps popping up, and getting worse.
  • Bring My Brown Pants: During the fight with Illfang the Kobold Lord.
    Illfang: Massive roar.
    Pop-up appears that reads "Bonus Item: Soiled Pants".
    Random Player: Hey! Rare drop.
  • Call Back: Episode 9 featured a plethora of them.
    • Lisbeth noting how her shop had been burned down by Asuna back in Episode 7.
    • Kirito's taste buds still haven't adapted from Asuna's S-class meal in Episode 8.
    • The cat from Episode 2 (and 4) is now a sitting member of the High Council of the Knights of the Blood Oath.
    • Kirito tells Rosalia to "suck it" while having sex with Asuna; retaliation to her last jab at him that he'll never get laid.
  • Character Development: As the series has progressed, Kirito has gone from a complete dick, to a Jerkass, to caring for others, to becoming a complete sociopath who killed a player who, although tried to harm or even kill him, wasn't even capable of harming him. He reverts back to his normal self with the help of Silica, and is arguably even better after his time with Asuna.
  • Chronic Hero Syndrome: Played with. While Kirito normally only cares about people's problems as a source of amusement, the mental scars from Sachi's death have given him an actual syndrome compelling him to help if the words "your fault" are mentioned.
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: What Schmit's more... "Verbose" commenters have threatened to inflict on him for his video-game reviews back in the real world. Nothing out of the ordinary, given the rule of G.I.F.T., but the nature of the Death Game within Aincrad leaves him Properly Paranoid that they might find him and make good on their threats. Using his spine as a pitching wedge and hacking off all of his limbs to ride him "like some kind of meat toboggan" are just two of the inventive ways they've threatened him in the past.
    Kirito (for the lulz): You hear that, Asuna? "Meat toboggan." Yeah, try gettin' that one out of your head. Grippin' his entrails like the reins of Santa's sleigh (The sound of sleigh-bells can be heard), streaking through the fresh morning snow on a trail of bile and gore, as his eyes beg the same question as the horrified children in his wake: "Why?"
    Schmit (understandably freaked): OH GOD!
  • Compelling Voice: Keita, whenver he wears his +50 Charisma hat.
    Kirito: We really need to take that hat away from him.
  • Compensating for Something: When explaining the difference between a Talwar and a No-Dachi, Kirito says the Talwar was made for cavalry while the No Dachi was "mainly used for dick-measuring".
  • Conservation of Competence: In episode 4, some members of the Titans Hand guild seem to realize pretty quick that Kirito may be a major threat before they even attack, with one commenting:
    Mook 1: Um, Boss? A thought occurs. This guy thought he was going up against Laughing Coffin note , but he still just brought himself and a small child. Are we sure we want to mess with this guy?
  • Chronic Hero Syndrome: As a result of the events of Episode 3, Kirito's PTSD Trigger pretty much forces him into this role, compelling his brain to act against his will and involve him in other people's problems, which he would never do normally, being the Heroic Comedic Sociopath that he is.
  • Conveniently Timed Distraction:
    Klein: So, you and Asuna, huh? What's the story there. Plan on showing her your sword skills, if you know what I mean?
    Asuna: Yeah, Kirito. I think we'd all like to hear the answer to that.
    Kirito: Ehhhhh... [Notices approaching ALF soldiers] Hey, look! Literally anything else! Let's pay attention to it.
  • Curse Cut Short: Sir Jack Dapper in episode 3.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Kirito, oh so much.
  • Death by Adaptation: A Running Gag seems to be that instead of seeing jail time, the villains of the week are executed vigilante-style.
    • In the original show, Kirito merely sends Rosalia to jail. Here? He straight up murders her in cold blood, despite her being no threat to him. Also Pina.
    • Grimlock is murdered by his fellow guild members at the end of Episode 6........not that anyone tried to stop them.
  • Death Glare: From Asuna and Kirito when Juriel threatens Yui.
  • Dysfunction Junction: Kirito's and Asuna's relationship. Yui describes them as "the most broken, sociopathic players I'd ever laid eyes on. Less people than a loose collection of character defects."
  • The Ditz: Yoko...doesn't think things through, to say the least.
  • The Dreaded: Asuna to Lizbeth and Tiffany.
    Asuna: [Walking in] Hey Kirito, the commander wants to...
    Lizbeth: AAAAIIIII!!!! I didn't say anything [to Kirito], I swear! *Sound of breaking glass*
    Tiffany: Wait for me, I know a short cut! *More breaking glass*
    Kirito: [Alone in the room] So... you were saying?
  • Driven to Suicide: The sheer stupidity of the other players cause Diabel to refuse the health potion.
    • In Episode 3, Keita of the Moonlit Black Cats also gives up and jumps off the side of Aincrad, due to both his entire guild dying in a dungeon he sent them into to replace an item he sold to the mob, and the knowledge that the mob would be coming for him to pay back the debt for not being able to recreate said item.
  • Downer Ending: The 'Christmas' episode. Followed by the narrator berating the audience for expecting a happy ending, then breaking down over his own failed marriage.
  • Embarrassing Nickname: Poor Klein. His character's name is "BallsDeep69." The jokes practically write themselves. Kirito usually refers to him as either "Balls" or "Ballsy," much to his chagrin and despite his insistence that he use his new name.
  • Escort Mission: Kirito considers partying up with Lizibeth one. He's not exactly wrong.
  • Everyone Can See It: Exaggerated; Yulier and Thinker are not subtle at all when it comes to their painfully obvious feelings for each other. Nobody feels the need to even comment on this.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Even Kirito. Upon entering SAO on launch day and discovering tons of ads everywhere, he is outright disgusted. And it only goes downhill from there.
    Kirito (upon seeing the ads): AH! Come on, really? That's just disgusting. Activate ad-blocker.
    Popup appears: "SAO STORE: Purchase "Ad-Blocker" DLC for $29.99?"
    • He also lapses into a Tranquil Fury state again in Episode 3, after the mystery rare item that is said to be able to res' players turns out to be "A goddamn hat."
    • He's also disgusted that Grimlock would kill his own wife just because she wouldn't Stay in the Kitchen.
  • Evil Laugh: Kirito does one at the end of Episode 2.
    • He does this again in Episode 4, after devolving into Laughing Mad after Rosalia hits his Berserk Buttons.
    • And again in Episode 5, when he mauls Gary to death as vengeance for his stupidity that led to the deaths of the rest of the Moonlit Black Cats.
    • Kuradeel has a very Large Ham version after paralyzing Kirito and Godfree.
    • The King of Ashes when he's ordering boiling oil for his prisoners.
  • Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!:
    • What happens during the fight with Illfang during the second episode when it brings out the nodachi instead of the Talwar listed in the beta-tester's guide book. Instead of outright saying why it's bad that the weapon's a nodachi instead of a talwar, Kirito proceeds to give a small lecture over the history of both weapons first, only summarizing his point after Diabel is mortally wounded.
      Diabel: And why couldn't you say that first?
      Kirito (fishing for a potion in his inventory): I like to think of myself as a teacher.
    • As Lisbeth is angrily trying to goad Kirito into going on a dangerous quest to obtain a rare metal, she suddenly realizes that in order to obtain said metal Kirito needs to be in a party with a Master Blacksmith, such as herself.
      Lisbeth: Oh No...
    • Kirito tries explains to Klein that he's not going to go help Corvatz and his men, only to realize that he's using the phrase "your fault", which triggers his Chronic Hero Syndrome.
    Kirito: Whatever happens to them, it's not our... [Beat] DAMMIT! [Rushes in to help]
    • Also how Asuna realizes that eating the Impossibly Delicious Food has ruined her and Kirito's ability to enjoy any other food.
    • And then there's this gem:
    Asuna: Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing?!
    Kirito: Well, clearly I'm stabbing myself with this sword to see if it kills me- Oh god, what am I doing?
  • Face Doodling: Kirito does this to Asuna while she sleeps in Episode 5.
  • "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner: More specifically, the sword
    Rosalia: Enjoy this while you can. It's the deepest you'll ever be in a woman.
  • Fan Boy: Kuradeel is one to Laughing Coffin, rather than an actual member. He's pissed at Kirito for giving them advice to sell out.
  • Fix Fic: Obviously not the main purpose, but the abridged series does change a few of the less popular elements of the original series, like Asuna's Distress Ball around Kuradeel and Kirito's Informed Flaw of being an antisocial loner.
  • Fluffy the Terrible: Sheeptar the Sheep King. Who would expect a boss with such a stupid name to kill twelve players, climb walls, and shoot out acid?
    • Don Fluffles (a cat who learned to play the game) was the Don of the in-game mafia. Later he became a council member of the Knights of the Blood Oath, despite being a seemingly ordinary cat....named Fluffles.
  • Forced to Watch: How Yui describes what happened to her after the game began. Even Kirito is disgusted.
  • Freeze-Frame Bonus:
    • After Kirito logs in and discovers all the ads, one of them is a poster for Alfheim Online.
    • When the players finally face Illfang, one of the boss' minions has a pop-up error.
      Error: Sentinel_Shriek.wav not found.
    • When Kirito accidentally touches Asuna's boob, she hurls him until he hits a wall. The popup message (which was originally "Immortal Object") is changed to:
      Distance: 15 m / New Record!
  • Foreshadowing: Heathcliff sharing Kayaba Akihiko's habit of making references to films that no one else gets.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: It is hinted at the end of episode 2 that Jeffrey may have started the Laughing Coffin Player Killing guild just because his hallucination of Jesus told him to "Kill Them All." The Stinger is the Laughing Coffin symbol with "Jesus Loves Me'' playing in the background.
  • The Gadfly: Kirito has shades of this.
  • Gone Horribly Right: Well, Rosalia did want to break Kirito's resolve with her limited understanding of human psychology. Too bad it worked a little too well, and ended up with Kirito going full sociopath on her and killing her.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: Kirito says "itadakimasu" as he bites into a sandwich, despite the fact that all the other Japanese is straight-up replaced with English.
  • Gratuitous Spanish: Corvatz, the leader of the Aincrad Liberation Front, speaks with a thick Spanish accent, employs some gratuitous Spanish, and even has his own Spanish guitar-flavored theme music. Lampshaded, as he's portrayed as a stock-Japanese player from Nagano who just happened to find a rare item that added the Spanish Guitar accents when he speaks, so he's playing it up for show — as commented upon by Asuna and a random ALF member.
  • Hell Is That Noise: During a flashback in Episode 4, we can hear Kirito making some very... "unique" noises.
    • Good lord, Silica's blood-curdling shriek at the end of the same episode. It's cut as the episode ends, but it's played in its entirety after The Stinger. With little warning.
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Kirito is this, big time, to the point that Klein straight up calls him a sociopath in the third episode.
    • Asuna as well, if burning down Lizbeth's shop is any indication.
  • Heroic R.R.O.D.: In Episode 8, Kirito fights the 74th Floor's boss with his undiscovered dual wielding ability. After fighting the giant goat demon while screaming about how much he hates the human race at the top of his lungs, he falls back and passes out, waking up to find Asuna worried about him.
  • Honest John's Dealership: Tiffany's shop. It's apparently become as much as a byword for poor quality and dishonest salesmenship in the world of SAO as second hand carsalesmen are in ours.
    Laughing Coffin Add: Boss won't get of your back? Girlfriend won't stop nagging you? Did that fuckstick Tiffany sell you a bullshit dagger that broke almost immediately despite that you spend almost half your goddamn Col on it?! Have you considered Murder?
  • Hopeless with Tech: Asuna, in the beginning. She doesn't even know how to open the menu, which is literally a matter of life or death given that most of the interactions within SAO are done through the menu. How she managed to survive the first month is nothing short of a miracle, and the ending of episode two shows she still has no idea how to open the damn thing. Also, while she is a competent fighter and strategist, she obviously hasn't played MMOs before, having no idea what "XP" stands for, and thinking that "DPS" has something to do with sex. She eventually gets over it by Episode 5.
  • How Do I Shot Web?: Again, Asuna. Not with the game's combat engine, but with opening the menu. The most basic requirement for doing literally anything in the world of SAO, or any VMMORPG out there. Best evidenced in a flashback to where she tries to eat a rice ball.
    Asuna (exasperated): ...HOW DO I EAT YOU?!?!
    • Klein also has shades of this in the first episode, but this is justified in both that it's his first time using Nerve Gear, and that they're just discovering the "logout" button doesn't exist. Or, as he himself put it:
      Klein: C'mon man, it's Nerve Gear. I can't ALT+F4 this sh*t.
  • Idiot Plot: In-Universe, Kirito says the only reason that Yoko and Kains' ridiculous and convoluted plan note  worked (at first) was because Shmitt's an idiot. Even Kains acknowledged that anyone with common sense would see right through it.
  • Impossibly Delicious Food: In Episode 8, Kirito obtains an extremely rare ingredient, and Asuna uses her max-level cooking skill to prepare a meal with it. The combination ends up producing "literally the tastiest thing you could ever eat". As a result, every other food tasted terrible even if its flavour was still the same.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: The narrator in episode 3, as the story keeps getting darker.
    Narrator: Eh... Christmas! Nobody kills themselves on Christmas, hehehe... Christ, I need more bourbon.
  • Irony: Discussed in episode 10, including the proper definition, and how Thinker's situation doesn't qualify.
  • It's Popular, Now It Sucks: In-Universe example: Kuradeel's rant about Laughing Coffin "selling out" sounds exactly like someone ranting about their favourite underground band making it big. Of course, Kuradeel does have a bit more reason to complain, because becomming famous and widely recognized is not very smart when you're a band of murderers whom everyone hates.
  • Jerkass: Kirito.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Kirito became this after having an all night talk with Sachi. However...
    • Subverted in now Kirito has found the final part of him that could care, and killed it forever after Sachi and the rest of his guild died. Though this is again subverted, once Silica reminds him that, without emotions, he cannot feel "the sweet taste of revenge." Even though that's not what she had in mind when telling him that he needs to feel emotions.
    • Begins being played painfully straight in later episodes, when his traumatic Sachi-related PTSD starts guilting him into saving people from themselves. He even calls it out particularly well in episode 8.
      Kirito: You know something? I really hate people. They're selfish, ignorant, loud, obnoxious pricks, with basically no redeaming qualities whatsoever. I mean, really, look at all they've achieved: Genocide, global warming, reality TV; It's just a never-ending parade of failures and fuck-ups. They are, without question, a complete write-off as a species, and HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CARE ABOUT THEM!!
  • Jive Turkey: This is how Asuna always talks to Tiffany in an apparent attempt to bond with him. A miserably failed attempt, because Tiffany, quite realistically, despises it and by extension her.
  • Killed Mid-Sentence:
    Godfree: I mean, sure, this looks bad now. But given time, I think we'll all look back at this and- LAAAAAAAHHHH!
    Kuradeel: He he he he! What do you know? He was right! I'm laughing already.
  • Killer Rabbit: Sheeptar the Sheep King, who apparently managed to kill 12 players, yet everyone agrees it's a stupid boss.
  • Kindness Button: In the aftermath of Episode 3, Kirito has developed a particularly nasty emotional trigger that causes him to lapse from his Jerk Ass persona into actually caring about someone else' problems for a fraction of a second before relapsing, in the form of the phrase "Not your fault," or just "your fault."
  • Laughing Mad:
    • Kirito goes utterly nuts after one too many jabs from Rosalia. He repeats this with Gary, when he resurfaces in Episode 5.
    • Asuna ends up going into a similar state in episode 10 after Kirito corrects her on a grammar mistake, though that was more because she realized how badly she'd screwed up by agreeing to marry him.
  • Leeroy Jenkins: Par for the course, with SAO being an MMO and all. A lot of the background characters tend fall into this category under duress.
    Diabel: All right men, form up an—
    Random Player: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!
    Zerg Rush ensues
    Diabel: What?! NO! GOD DAMN IT GUYS!
  • Lethal Joke Character: Sheeptar the Sheepking.
    Klein: If that thing hadn't already killed 7 of us, I'd say this was a really stupid boss.
  • Let Us Never Speak of This Again: Kirito and Asuna, by mutual agreement, about seeing Griselda's ghost and their subsequent blind panic.
  • Like an Old Married Couple: Kirito and Asuna. Even during boss battles.
  • Literally Shattered Lives: Happens to the players upon death. In-game, anyway. Otherwise...
  • Literal-Minded: Yui manages to give a harsh rebuke of Thinker's pacifist tendencies without ever directly attacking him, mostly by pointing out how his situation isn't ironic.
  • Love Makes You Stupid: Juriel's infuriation with Thinker leaves her a bit, shall we say, biased when it comes to evaluating his qualities.
  • Made a Slave: In exchange for his business advice, Laughing Coffin decides to spare Yoko, Shmitt, and Kains by giving them to Kirito as slaves. He's pretty happy about it, they aren't.
  • Mama Bear: Asuna when Yui comes into their lives.
  • Medium Shift Gag: First, the in-universe YouTube video of "Subject Theta" in Episode 1. And then, Sir Jack Dapper doing the narration for Episode 3.
  • Metaphorgotten: From episode 3:
    Sir Jack Dapper: And in time, Kirito found that he could almost tolerate [the Moonlit Black Cats], much like a fat man tolerates the tapeworms in his intestines. And like those tapeworms, that guild burrowed deep into his innards, and gorged themselves on his leftovers, until they began causing abdominal pain and diarrhea. I realize the metaphor is breaking down a bit, but Daddy Dapper raised no quiter.
    • From episode 7:
      Kirito: (to Lizbeth) What race gives you pink hair and freckles anyway? Did like, your Irish dad get his dick stuck in a cotton candy machine? Truly, theirs was a love that could never be. I'd see that movie. Sorry, what was I talking about?
  • Mugging the Monster: In Episode 4, where it's even Lampshaded by a Titan's Hand member that messing with Kirito may not be such a good idea.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: Apparently, SAO's blacksmithing requires playing a rhythm game, Space Invaders, and a fighting game all at once!
  • My Eyes Are Up Here: Parodied
    Keita: Let me assure you, we could certainly use someone with your... [gazing at the health bar and Level 40 stat block above Kirito] assets.... mmhhhhmmm.
    Kirito: Hey! Hey! My eyes are down here!
  • My Kung-Fu Is Stronger Than Yours: As Kirito so aptly puts it after the Titan's Hand mooks can't land a scratch on him.
    Random Mook: I don't understand! We threw everything we had at him, how is he still standing?!
    Kirito: "How"?! Well, it's quite simple really. You see (to Rosalia), "Girlie," you may think ya got me all figured out, but there's one thing, you didn't account for: my numbers (unveils Level 78 stats) are bigger than yours!
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Sachi silently reminding Kirito about his promise to be less of an asshole when he's about to insult Keita's plan, making Kirito do a Last-Second Word Swap and literal Teeth-Clenched Teamwork instead. Unfortunately, Keita's plan really was stupid and ends up getting Sachi killed. Speaking of which...
    • With her Last Words, Sachi tries to reassure Kirito, saying "It's not your fault". But because of her bad internet connection, her words are distorted, and the "your fault" part gets looped in a terrifying Voice of the Legion. Naturally, this has a rather different effect on Kirito than intended.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: Kirito's advice to Laughing Coffin about how to improve their careers as Psycho for Hire didn't seem intentionally bad, which makes it qualify as a villain's move on Kirito's part. But as it so happens, Laughing Coffin goes overboard with their PR campaign and shares their location and contact info with all players, leading a massive army of anti-P Ks right towards them.
  • No, Except Yes: Kirito enjoys cruelly creative Yes Except No's. For instance, telling Asuna he'll give her the rare coat if she just sends him a trade requires (she told him she doesn't know how to open the menu). Or saying he'll share his super-rare food with Tiffany, he can just join him at Asuna's house (he knows Tiffany can't stand being around Asuna).
  • No-One Could Survive That: Kirito fought Don Fluffles at some point off-screen and apparently sent him over a cliff. When he sees that Fluffles is alive and a member of the Blood Knight council he claims no one could've survived that fall. Fluffles answers with a meow, and Kirito admits he never would've thought of that.
  • No Sell: The Titan's Hand guild couldn't outdamage Kirito's Regenerating Health, even when Kirito was just standing still and taking all their attacks.
  • Oblivious to Love: Kirito in episode 8 (see O.O.C. Is Serious Business below), though it's only partly Oblivious, partly incredulous.
    • Surprisingly, and in an extra twist of the knife for the Tear Jerker in episode 10, Yui didn't seem to have noticed that Kirito and Asuna accepting her as their daughter went from an act to try and scare the other away to genuine affection. Even as she "dies" she tells them they don't have to pretend to love her anymore.
  • Only Sane Man: Kirito mainly, given that most of the other background/random players are complete idiots. Diabel also qualified, before his untimely demise, being the only one with any real drive to try and clear the boss room, rally the other players, and try to come up with workable strategies that wouldn't result in all of them getting brutally slaughtered. His exasperated order-barking during the battle with Illfang was not unlike that of a Raid leader trying to rein in a party of n00bs, with the same amount of success.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Kirito is highly suspicious when Asuna gives him a friendly welcome when he visits her house.
    Kirito: This... thing you're doing where you seem genuinely pleased to see me. I was half expecting a suspiciously soundproofed warehouse on the outskirts of town with a shallow grave out back. But somehow, this is more unsettling.
  • Out-of-Character Moment: A majority of the scenes in Episode 10 are this when you remember that Kirito and Asuna have been established as a pair of sociopaths. Of course, considering the source material, it was inevitable.
  • Papa Wolf: Kirito lets Asuna do the threatening, but he has the same Death Glare expression as her.
  • Pass the Popcorn: Cited nigh word for word by Asuna, describing Kirito's usual response to human suffering.
  • The Power of Love: Defied by Kirito after they get batted around by the Fatal Scythe.
    Kirito: The power of love is bullshit. The power of swords and violence is where the money is.
  • Precision F-Strike: Made possible by Kayaba/Taka disabling the profanity filter following his speech in the first episode. Given that this is the Internet and an MMO though, this was bound to happen regardless of whether or not it was bleeped out.
    • In fact, the very first words said after Kayaba disables the profanity filter are "We're fucked!"
  • Punch! Punch! Punch! Uh Oh...: When the Titan's Hand thugs are slashing at Kirito, he giggles madly with each strike they land on him.
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: When Kirito says that if Tiff wants some of the rabbit he caught, he'd have to come by Asuna's place, Tiff's response was to claim it wasn't fair in increasing intensity, leading to this as Kirito and Asuna leave his shop.
  • Rage Breaking Point: After about an hour of being caught between Kirito and Asuna's pissing contest, almost losing her orphanage when they spontaneously decide that they own it, and not being able to get a word in edgewise throughout the whole thing, Sasha erupts into a screaming fit when Kirito decides to ask for her opinion. Also, he didn't know her name.
  • Rapid-Fire "No!": Kirito does this once he realizes what Lizbeth meant when she said she "had a guild."
    Lizbeth: Honestly, I haven't had this much fun since my... guild.
    Kirito: You have a guild? then why don't you hang out with them instead of going all cabin-fever in your shop all day.
    Lizbeth: I... had a guild.
    Kirito: What do you mean you-! Oh no. No no no no no no no-
    [Lizbeth starts telling Kirito about what happened.]
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: When Kirito has gone full crazy, his face darkens and his eyes glow an ominous red. You have a brief window of time to back off though, when his eyes shrink to the size of pinpricks in rage. It signals the start of nerd rage driven madness.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Kirito delivers an epic one to all of humanity in episode 8. See Jerk with a Heart of Gold for said speech.
  • Right for the Wrong Reasons: In episode 4, Rosalia attempts to give Kirito a Breaking Speech, calling him out for being an Internet Tough Guy. Technically she is correct, but given the fact that they are stuck in the game, Kirito very much can lord his stats over everyone.
    • In episode 5 Kirito tries to argue against sacrificing NPCs, only to spot the very NPC who left him and Sachi in a trap. The sight of Kirito's Roaring Rampage of Revenge is sufficiently gruesome that his fellow players agree anyway that it's really uncomfortable watching NPCs get brutally murdered.
  • Sexophone: In episode 7, a sultry sax riff plays during the scene where Lisbeth fantasizes about Kirito.
  • Shaggy Dog Story: The timer on Pina's heart runs out just as Silica tries to resurrect him.
  • Shaped Like Itself: "Always remember: To jump, jump!"
  • Shout-Out: Quite a few, especially to games, as one would expect.
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!: Kirito delivers a particularly awesome one to Rosalia before he kills her. Doubles as a Pre Mortem Oneliner as well.
    Kirito (to Rosalia): I'm gettin' real tired of your first-year psych student bullshit.
  • Smug Super: Basically Kirito's M.O. throughout the series. He's a dick, and he's too high level for anyone to do anything about it.
  • Snark-to-Snark Combat: Almost every interaction between Kirito and Asuna.
  • Snowball Lie: Episode 10 has Kirito and Asuna both playing off each other with neither willing to admit that their marriage was a mistake, Not only do they keep lying to Yui that they're her parents, it escalates to the point that they end up buying an orphanage.
  • The Sociopath:
    • In Episode 4, it's shown the events of the previous episode have taken a major toll on Kirito's psyche. Where he was once merely a dick, he is now a full blown sociopath, with little remaining of his emotions other than rage and a bit of sorrow. He straight up kills Rosalia note  when she and Titan's Hand were clearly no threat to him.
    • Asuna is just as bad as Kirito. She admits that she only pretends to care about people, usually for her own benefit. When the Mask of Sanity drops, she's quite a Yandere and emotionally manipulative. Much of the conflict in Episode 10 comes from Asuna being unwilling to admit that she was wrong, starting a Snowball Lie to try and get around it.
  • Soundtrack Dissonance: The moment Kuradeel's Badass Boast at the start of his duel with Kirito finishes, Kayaba overlays the battle with... Thunder and Blazes. This is lampshaded by Kirito, who comments that "even Kayaba thinks [the duel] is a clownshow."
  • Stay in the Kitchen: Exaggerated. Grimlock killed Griselda just because she didn't have dinner ready for him once, and he thinks this is a completely valid and sane reason for murder. Even Kirito is disgusted by this.
  • Spared by the Adaptation: One of the Black Cats members manages to survive... only to get killed two episodes later.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: Pretty much the reason why Kirito is a solo player and a sociopath.
  • Take That: Given that it takes place in an MMORPG and this is the Internet, this is pretty much expected. Goes hand in hand with a lot of self-depreciating humor.
    • A good example is shown early on during Kayaba's introductory speech to the players about the death-game:
      Kayaba: Much like the World of Warcraft, none of you are here by choice anymore. Unlike WOW, however, you're being held here by me, not by your need to escape your empty f*cking lives.
    • Another one from Kayaba:
      Random Player: When was the last time you heard of someone beating EverQuest?
      Kayaba: When was the last time you heard of someone playing EverQuest?
      Random Player: ... That's fair.
    • Later shown in the list of acceptable losses to be sacrificed to defeat the first boss, Illfang the Kobold Lord, as listed in the guide book written by the beta-testers:
      "Good rule of thumb, if a player asks you for gold two seconds after meeting you, front lines. If they hijack conversations to rant about their political views, front lines. If they ask female players for pics of their boobs, front lines."
    • From Episode 3, the stupidity of the NPC Companions that Keita roped into the Moonlit Black Cats by not finishing their respective quests seems to be a stab at the short-comings of A.I. characters and 'bots in gaming, and the tendencies for their programming to either hinder progress or outright derail the gameplay and end in everyone getting killed.
    • Episode 4 seems to be one to people who think that learning a small amount of psychology (or any kind of "important" knowledge for that matter) automatically makes them an expert at it, and that it applies to real-life situations with little to no reprecussions on their part. This takes the form of Rosalia, who's "first year, psyche-student bullshit" ends up being her undoing when she tries to use it to break Kirito.
    • Also from Episode 4, shots are taken at the repetitive nature of questing in MMORPGs and games in general with, instead of simply collecting the flower like in canon, Kirito and Silica collecting fifty flowers to trade back into the town for a gem, which they'd give to a gate-keeper, which would unlock a dungeon where they would fight a series of bosses in order to get the real flower. As Silica so aptly put it:
      Silica: That's insane! Who would design a game this way?!
      Kirito: You don't play a lot of RPGs, do you?
  • Talking Is a Free Action:
    • Subverted, as Diabel found out when Kirito was giving him a needlessly long lecture on the boss' weapons in the middle of the boss battle.
    • Rosalia also got this in episode 4 when she was trying to lecture Kirito. After getting tired of her "first-year psych student bullshit," Kirito kills her.
  • They Wasted a Perfectly Good Sandwich: When Kirito states he knows who Griselda's killer is, Asuna stamps her foot. The tremor causes Kirito's sandwich to drop and explode.
    Kirito: My sandwich! It was innocent.
    Asuna: Uh-
    Kirito: Shh! I must grieve.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Most players except the main characters really don't seem to be taking the game seriously enough, given its life and death stakes. This was a problem in the original series too. Here it's Played for Laughs, and often results in appropriate rebukes from whomever is holding the Sanity Ball.
    Kirito: I'm sorry, am I the only one in this damn game who understands how aggro works!
    • Thinker went into a peace talk in a dungeon without any weapons or a warp crystal. Even the Literal-Minded Yui points out how stupid that was.
  • Tranquil Fury: Kirito can lapse into this in a more level-headed and sane mindset, though pushing one or more of his Berserk Buttons will cause him to go Laughing Mad.
  • Troll: Asuna wanted half of the rare item that Kirito got, but since it's only one item, Kirito offers a trade, but Asuna is unable to do so. Why? Kirito told her to open the menu, knowing she had no idea how to.
    • In Episode 8, Kirito says to Tiffany (Agil in canon) that he can have some of the rabbit meat... if he comes over to Asuna's place.
  • The Unfettered: Kirito declares he became this at the end of episode 3. But episode 4 already shows the first cracks in that facade, and episode 8 destroyed it.
  • Unhand Them, Villain!: The (prone) Godfree asking Kuradeel (standing over him) to "put the sword down".
  • Verbal Tic: The NPC Companions in the Moonlit Black Cats. All they can say is dialogue from their specific quest-lines. Two are regular quests, while one is from the tutorial.
    Gary: We must save my family!
    Charlie: The bandits are coming!
    • Corvatz has a rare item that causes a Spanish guitar to accent him when he speaks.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: Keita takes advantage of the fact that the NPC Companions for the quests in the game have to stick with them until their specific quest is completed to basically turn them into slaves by never finishing said quests and thus making them the bulk of the Moonlit Black Cats. However, their aforementioned Artificial Stupidity ends up being the guild's undoing, as well as his own.
    • Episode 4 opens with Rosalia arguing with Silica to let her skin Pina just so she can upgrade her Leatherworking skill!! Yes, apparently, you can use your pets in SAO as emergency ingredient items for boosting your own stats. Screw emotional attatchments, I need dragonskin leather pants!
      Kirito: She's right, you know. Dragon Leather is surprisingly comfortable.
  • Viewer-Friendly Interface: Sometimes shows up when the game does something that it didn't do in the original.
    • In episode 1, the dialog box that prompts Kirito to buy the Ad-Blocker DLC is twice as tall as him.
    • Episode 4 has the game vocally announcing "Item has expired!"
  • We Have Reserves: The basic strategy listed in the guide book for dealing with Illfang the Kobold Lord in Episode 2 is basically this. Kinda grim, given that the weaker players suggested to be used as canon-fodder are actual people. Although, to be fair, when the guide book was written, killing the noobs was simply dickish, not outright murder. That didn't start until the game's official launch.
  • Welcome to Corneria: The NPC in the Moonlit Black Cats guild. Gary even keeps repeating his "We must save my family" quote, albeit a bit more panic-y, while Kirito is enacting a Roaring Rampage of Revenge on him.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Yui describes Kirito and Asuna as "the most broken, sociopathic players she'd ever laid eyes upon, less people than a loose collection of character flaws," specifically citing the fact that they used her as a pawn in their mutual attempts to get the other to admit that they had rushed their relationship because neither wanted to back down first.
  • Why Can't I Hate You?: Kirito towards all of humanity, and his fellow players in particular, in his epic rant in episode 8.
  • Wrong Name Outburst: Kirito calling Lisbeth by Sachi's name.
    • Parodied in Episode 9, where Asuna thinks it's this when Kirito calls out "Suck it, Rosalia!" as they're having sex.
  • Yandere: In episode 7, Asuna gradually shows this as she sees Lisbeth flirting with Kirito, paramounted with her whispered threat.
  • Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Godfree speaks this way as part of his persona as The Roleplayer. Kirito and Kuradeel find it irritating. Subverted in that he drops the act the instant he realizes Kuradeel is going to kill him for it.
    Kuradeel: Wouldst thou shuteth the fuck up?! I've had to sit and listen to you for months as you run Shakespear through a woodchipper! Is that supposed to be endearing or something?
  • You Called Me "X"; It Must Be Serious: Whenever Kirito calls Klein a.k.a. BallsDeep69 by the former name instead of some variation on the latter, it's a sign that he's having a heart-of-gold moment.
  • You Have Researched Breathing: Judging by the way she mentions it, Lisbeth has this attitude to Kirito's Dual Wielding skill.
  • Your Approval Fills Me with Shame: And fear and disgust.
    Silica: I'm grateful for your help, but... you're like the worst person I ever met.
    Silica: Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
  • Your Head Asplode: Kayaba's "dumbed-down" explanation for what happens if you die in the game. Even complete with video footage from Scanners!
  • Zerg Rush: The primary strategy suggested for beating the first boss. It is also brought up in episode 8 with the Aincrad Liberation Force employing this.


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/SwordArtOnlineAbridged