It isn't obvious, but at one point, while still in the "fervently denying I'm in love with her" stage, Inu-Yasha gets very upset at "someone that made away with Kagome...'s shards."
One episode of Pokémon, "Hassle in the Castle", has Team Rocket doing this with their motto.
Jessie: To protect us from all that chafing and itching!
James: It might finally stop all of Jessie's...complaining!
In the Skip Beat! Anime, Moko does this fairly early in the series. While making a speech to theater students about how far below her the Love Me section is, the CEO and her section mate walk up behind her, so she ends her speech with "Because I...am a Love Me section member."
In Saki, this comes up while Yumi is talking with Momo about her reasons for coming to the training camp. Yumi manages to make the swap just in time, but Momo does so only after blurting out enough.
Yumi: I have to admit... I want to be together with Mo... I mean, with everyone. Not just for inter-high. So I and Kanbara decided to join this training camp. It probably looks like an excuse to you, though.
Momo: Senpai... I want to be with you too, Senpai! Summer, autumn everafter- Together with yo- I mean, everyone! Anywhere!
Comics — Books
At the end of Watchmen, when Laurie and Dan visit Sally in disguise:
Nurse: Your friends, Mr. and Mrs. Hollis are here to see you. Sally: What? But I don't know any...I don't know anyone I'd rather see!
Done by none other than Peter David on his run on Incredible Hulk. On a special issue, the moment where a frustrated Hulk shouts "Aw, sh-" is interrupted by another scene; and when we get back to him he ends his exclamation with "-oot!"
In its second christmas episode: "The Pharaoh awoke the very next day / Wearing an outfit that made him look — erm — handsome."
Also with the Paradox Brothers: "You may think us rather crass, But you can take your cards and stick them right up your...NOSE!" (Though it's doubly subverted in the next few lines, "You were supposed to say "ass", brother, I thought we rehearsed this!")
Joey: I'm in love with Mai Valentine...'s breasts.
Hana: I've always found other women attractive, and not just in an aesthetic way. But I generally prefer men. I like the way they smell, and there is nothing like a long, hard...bicep to hold onto on a cold night. But there was something about Shizune; she and I just clicked."
In Chengar Qordath's Winningverse (Friendship Is Magic), his first story in his own little universe contains this gem, sung by Pinkie Pie.
And maybe finally today, I’ll have a bit of luck
We’ll lie down somewhere comfortable, and then we’ll … Oh hi there, Derpy!”
A Mighty Demon Slayer Grooms Some Ponies: (Human) Molly tells the animal-loving Fluttershy about her horse that broke a leg, so her sister had to put it d... uh—put it into a nice home for lame horses, yessir.
Shrek and Donkey enter Lord Farquaad's castle and are greeted by musical wooden puppets at the Information Center, who sing, "Please keep off of the grass / Shine your shoes / Wipe your...FACE." Made funnier, because as the puppets sing, they also mime/dance what they're singing. By the time they get to the last line, their butts are in the air and they're looking backwards, but they quickly turn around.
Nani: You are so finished when I get in there! I'm gonna stuff you in the blender, push "puree", then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, "Mmmm, this is great, what's your secret?" I'm gonna say..."(Bubbles hooks Nami's foot, and pulls her out of the dog door) "...love! And...nurturing."
In Brave, the mysterious old woman who is definitely a woodcarver denies her broomstick moves by itself: "It's impossible to imbue wooden objects with magic and I should know; I'm a wit ... tler. A whittler. Of wood."
Films — Live-Action
Wayne's World 2. "We'll cross the Ts and dot the...(notices he's about to offend their manager, who has heterochromia)...lower case Js."
Little Rock: Have you heard about Pacific Playland? There are no zombies there. Columbus: The amusement park? Little Rock: Yep! Tallahassee: That place totally blows! (Little Rock and Wichita give Tallahassee angry looks) Tallahassee: ...my mind. Just fun for the whole family.
In My Cousin Vinny, Vinny's foul mouth has already gotten him in trouble a couple times when he's presented with a boatload of new disclosed evidence. "I need some more time to go over all this sh...stuff!"
An interesting example in A Christmas Story: a censored "re-enactment" using the word-swap. Young Ralphie, after a mishap, ends up saying "Oh...ffffuuddgge." But then, the narrating older Ralphie reveals, "Only I didn't say 'fudge'."
Back to the Future has a rare example where the whole word comes out and then has to be converted retroactively — which only Marty McFly could pull off:
Marty: You're not gonna be picking a fight, Dad...Dad...Daddio!
And also when Marty wakes up in his 17-year-old mother's bedroom earlier on in the movie, suffering a mini-Oedipal breakdown:
Marty: You're my muhh... you're my muhh...
Lorraine: My name is Lorraine. Lorraine Baines.
Marty: Yeah... but you're hooonote hot... you're so hoooo, you're so... thin!
In The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, one of the male gamers quickly tries to avoid insulting the one girl in the party when he makes a comparison between losing track of time while playing D&D to losing track of time when "looking for porn...-litical commentary." Another player immediately Lampshades it: "Nice dodge, Gary."
Oscar: Angelo "Snaps" Provolone is upset, but then notices Father Clemente.
Snaps: That son of a . . . gun! Gosh-a-mighty! Cheese and crackers!
In St. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold, Geoffrey infiltrates a organization dedicated to hating women for the titular (all-girls) school but during it, goes against orders and delivers a tirade against them, joining the bad guys. At one point in the speech, though, he nearly calls the girls "bitches" but can't bring himself to do it and says "minxes" instead, hinting that he's actually trying to earn the leader's respect in his own way.
In The Frisco Kid Tommy the cowboy starts to swear in front of Rabbi Avram and (of course) swaps it out at the last second.
Tommy: Well shhhhhhhheeee.....oot.
Done in Sister Act after the climax when Delores's ex, Vince, is about to be taken away.
Delores: I've got two words for you Vince -
Sister Mary Robert: Mary Clarence!
Delores: Bless you.
From Monty Python and the Holy Grail, as the Lord of Swamp Castle holds his hands in front of his chest to suggest a woman's breasts: "She's rich, she's beautiful, she has huge...tracts of land!"
Monty Python's Life of Brian: One character has a rather severe stutter. To get around it, he swaps one word for another, despite it not being close to the original word.
In the Bud Spencer and Terence Hill 1977 comedy film Crime Busters, the duo plans to rob a a supermarket and bust through the door with the words "This is a...!". When they realize they are standing in an office room of the local police department with everyone staring at them, they quickly finish the sentence with "... really nice office!" (as opposed to "... robbery!").
The judgments that you tend to pass, On poets you wish to harass, Would give me to swear, Were I unaware, That you are naught but an asset to the Heavenly throne, wherefore I leave you alone.
Sherlock Holmes of all people gets one of these in The Adventure of the Norwood Builder.
Holmes: Arrest you! This really is most grati— most interesting. On what charge do you expect to be arrested?
Another (even funnier) one comes in The Adventure of the Empty House, as he speaks to Lestrade.
Holmes: [You] handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual — that's to say, you handled it fairly well.
A travel guide detailing various local traditions says that, "In France, many believe that raw oysters enhance your appetite for...Christmas." Probably a Parental Bonus as well.
In the Star Trek novel Cast No Shadow, the Klingon General Igdar challenges a subordinate, Kaj, regarding her "communications with the - the Federation", and it's clear that he was going to say "with the enemy", forgetting that the Klingons and Federation have been at peace for seven years.
In This Rough Magic, the well-endowed Svanhild Thordardottar is described as "the one with the big pair of—of—bodyguards".
Douw:Brad, come with me to the uh...outside. We need to uh...go there,
In A Brother's Price, Cullen's sisters want him to be the proper man, decorative and safe. He's horse-mad but his family won't let him near horses because "I had some great-great-grandfart that got kicked in the head and died"; he has a cousin who'll take him to the stables and let him pet them over a low wall, but that's about it. When the Whistlers, who are a lot more liberal in their treatment of men, propose, he tells his sisters he'd be happy with them. They're good to men, they aren't stodgy, they have little brothers so he'd have other men around, they'd teach him how to ri - to write and read.
In The Elenium, there are five troll gods: the god of Fire, the god of Ice, the god of Eat, the god of Kill, and the god of—mating.
Hornblower and the Hotspur has Lieutenant Bush quickly replacing a "forceful expression" for "young gentleman" while he's teaching trainee officers (at the top of his lungs) because Hornblower doesn't approve of cursing at junior officers.
In Happy Endings, Brad has this to say when talking about Halloween.
Brad: I cannot wait for this year's monster mash pumpkin bash. The buffets, ugh! The drag queen contest, *gay voice* ok?! The smoking hot girl...*realizes his wife is glaring*..orilla costumes. Jane: Yeah, I'm right next to you. Brad: Its basically a gorilla costume that's slightly singed, like when you age a document.
Other characters do this as well, but Brad the most, like when he gets excited about having honeymoon sex again with Jane, so he can put his c...ar keys in her a...ttic. Or when he says, again right next to Jane, that having an assistant is great because they buy anniversary presents for your...mailman.
In Friends, when Chandler panics and disappears before his marriage to Monica, Rachel is about to break the news to her when Phoebe arrives and signals that they've found him.
Tobias Fünke: Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish cun— (Daughter enters room) Tobias Fünke: —try-music-loving lady.
Another example involving Tobias and Maeby:
Tobias: Oh, a pregnancy test. There's something we never had, huh, Lindsay? Oh, no, we had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science and money and just a dash of...Maeby...how long have you been standing there? Maeby: I just walked in. Tobias:(chuckling) Seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb.
Yet another example, again with Tobias:
Lindsay: We managed to raise $50,000! Tobias: Well most of that money was from the Bluth Company, I mean how... (Lindsay shoots him a look) Tobias: ...are you?
Wolowitz: We only did it because you were being a giant dictator. Koothrappali: I thought you said we were going to be nice to him! Wolowitz: That's why I added the "tator".
The couple who run the village shop in Father Ted are always on the verge of throttling each other. When one of the priests enters, they often turn a stabbing motion into a warm embrace. (Not a word swap so much as a gesture swap, but the same idea.)
In the episode "There All the Honor Lies" Ambassador Mollari objects to the figures of him sold in the station gift shop because they do not include "attributes" (the tentacle-like sex organs attached to the back of Centauri men):
Ivanova: So you feel like you're being symbolically cast— Londo:[looks at her] Ivanova: ...in a bad light? Sheridan: Well put.
She does it again in a later episode, when discussing a nightmare in which she shows up naked on the command deck: "This morning I dreamt I walked into C&C totally...unprepared for my work." But then the punchline is itself punchlined when Sheridan offhandedly remarks it could've been worse...and then describes the actual dream.
Delenn in "Shadow Dancing" discusses what happens if a male Minbari continues to express interest in a female if she's not interested: "She can leave when he's asleep, file a complaint with the elders, even cut off his...access to her family." Word of God has it that this is a subversion, in that she was merely stumbling over her words and what she actually said is true; Sheridan's reaction to what he thought she was going to say is a Crowning Moment of Funny.
In a scene set in the future, holograms possessing the personalities and memories of the B5 crew were being manipulated by a propaganda minister in a totalitarian government. After gaining control of the system's defense computers, the Garibaldi hologram suggested to the minister, "My recommendation for you would be to stick your head between your legs and kiss your aspirations goodbye."
From the final episode of Seinfeld: "I love You—...United Airlines."
There's a little bit of Fridge Brilliance there, when you consider Dracula had hairy palms in Bram Stoker's original novel, coinciding with a popular urban legend that this characteristic may develop from excessive masturbation.
In "Lies My Parents Told Me":
Buffy:(to Giles) It was boring, old, and English. Just like you...ul. Yul Brynner. A British Yul Brynner.
A adorable scene from "Into the Woods" — Joyce is worried that Buffy is neglecting her boyfriend because of her illness:
Buffy: I gave Riley the day off. Joyce: I don't think he thinks of you as a chore, Buffy. Buffy: I know that. Look, I told him to make plans with his friends because I wanted to have you all to myself, okay? Besides, I can see him any time. And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little (remembers that she is talking to her mother)...Bible Study! Joyce:(not buying it for a second) Well, good. I mean, just as long as the two of you are spending some quality time with...The Lord. Buffy: Oh, we are. Absolutely.
Andrew talks to Jonathan about Warren in a particularly Ho Yay inducing example:
Andrew: He never really loved...hanging out with us.
Spike has Harmony on a bed and is running his hand up her leg.
"I knew you'd end up welcoming me back with open...arms."
In "Phases" Cordelia is parking with Xander at the local Make-Out Point and implies that at least one of them is no longer a virgin.
Cordelia: Excuse me? We didn't come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a...good girl.
Michael: And he thought, hang on, I've paid my money, I'm going to have something; so he flips him over, and he fu— (Lynn enters the room) Michael: —and fu— and funnily enough, it lands on its wheels, and it starts first time and they just drive away. Alan:(confused) ...That's the strangest story I've ever heard.
In The Golden Girls, when Dorothy visits one of her students in hospital, they have the following conversation:
Dorothy: Ah, I see some people have already signed your cast. Kevin: Uh, yeah, some of the guys from the team. Are you signing it? Dorothy: Correcting it. There is no K in victory. Oh yeah, and we'll just change this to "Ms. Zbornak eats shittake mushrooms".
Pearl: Starring the late Raúl Juliá, a very wonderful actor. What was he doing in this piece of sh...surely very quality, quality programming.
MST3K episode Fire Maidens of Outer Space: Joel and the 'Bots are demonstrating that any sentence can be turned into sexual innuendo with the right vocal tone ("Does this TV have a ree-MOTE? Ooh!"). Crow, at the behest of his evil doppelganger Timmy (long story), is citing examples that are rather too on the nose, culminating in "She's built like a brick sh—" "CROW!" "sh-showboat."
A commercial for the show Greek included a scene where one character was telling another that his female friend wanted to be fu...(nuns walk past) ...fun buddies with him.
That '70s Show played this trope straight twice, and then subverted it.
Hyde: True, but they're not bigger than Barbara's. Kelso: Yeah, they are. Eric: You're dreaming. It's like comparing (Red walks in) Exodus and Deuteronomy, both of which have taught us very valuable lessons! Oh, hi Dad!
Hyde: Because Barbara's are bigger than... (Kitty comes in) The Walls of Jericho, which as we all know came tumbling down, right?!
Hyde: Sounds like your dad is losing it. Kelso: Jeez. He's like this now, he's gonna be a total headcase if they shut down the plant. He's just gonna be this pathetic guy (Red enters) WITH BREASTS THE SIZE OF WATERMELONS!
In another episode:
Eric: I stole my dad's tap! (sees Red) Back from those thieves!
In A Touch of Frost, Inspector Frost is being disrespectful to his superior as usual.
Frost: Horn-rimmed Harry can stick it up his aahhh hello sir!
It should be noted that this particular joke has been used quite a few times in television and theater.
My Family: "Oh come on Dad! I'm no longer a virrrrrrrry naive person!" In a minor subversion, the Last-Second Word Swap doesn't work.
Emmett: I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds, but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious that our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion, our only hope— Morgan: —is to channel them back into sex, yeah, it's brilliant, Emmett, but where do we find Big Mike a ridiculously out-of-his-league hottie? Lester: Yeah, someone who'll suck his...will to work out of him.
Battlestar Galactica: Gaius Baltar is pretty much the god of this trope; because he's constantly talking to his hallucination of Six, when he's actually having a conversation with someone else he has to swap or insert words at the last minute to keep the real conversation going in a logical fashion.
In one episode, Lemon and Pete are discussing how old Tracy's alleged son is.
Lemon: You know, I always do have trouble telling ages when it comes to black... (Toofer walks into the room) Lemon: ...black shoes are my favorite color of shoes.
There was also an episode where a maintenance man had to deal with a gas leak during his last day before retirement.
"I'm getting too old for this shhhh sound the gas makes.
In the last episode of The Fast Show Ralph stops himself from drunkenly confessing his love to Ted just in time: "I don't care how old you are, even if you were a hundred I would love...I would love to get another drink."
Intentionally done by Veronica in Veronica Mars. When one of the characters in the programme that Veronica hates tells her that they were dealing with some trouble, Veronica says, "Trouble with a capital "T", that rhymes with "C", that stands for..." When her father objects she replies, "What? I was going to say "cute."
In Grace Under Fire, a guy at the plant realizes Grace, the supervisor, has just entered the room, and alters his story about the topless pancake house: "the waitresses all had these really big jugs...of syrup, that they poured over your pancakes..."
C.C. Babcock: I'd love to meet the man who's taking you away from Max...a...million...shell...oil. Niles:Oh, nice save!
On another occasion, when Fran substitutes for C.C. to schmooze an investor:
C.C. Babcock: He is throwing money at us, and she didn't even have to put out! (pause) Hors d'oeuvres! The cat!
There was an episode where Maxwell tries to keep Maggie from spending a whole vacation making out with boys, and wants to send her to a convent in Switzerland. Fran suggests sending Maggie on a kibbutz instead, because she remembers having a good time on hers, but then tries to take back her suggestion when she realizes the only reason she enjoyed her kibbutz was because that was where she lost her..."hat".
Shirley: What's going on here? Troy: We're trying to get Jeff ready for the fi-iiiiiii....iiiighhhh...........t. Troy:(whispers) I couldn't think of another word. Jeff: Idiot. He meant we were figh- ...ting. (to Troy) It is hard to think of another word.
The JAG episode "Meltdown" was the second half of a two-parter that introduced the NCIS characters. In one scene, a nervous Abby is testifying on the witness stand and is asked about a piece of evidence":
Abby: Oh, I ran a whole slew of sh...stuff on that.
In The Vicar of Dibley, Geraldine has just been blindsided by someone who came into the room without knocking.
Geraldine: Oh, fuc...rying out loud!
In Frasier, in the studio, Roz is talking about how hot a new colleague is and how she'd like to "give him a —" Frasier's chair spins around and she suddenly spots his young son sitting in it. "— a great big Seattle hug!" She follows by giving him the hug in question. Frasier's son calls her on it with a dry, "Nice catch, Roz" in response.
Nathan Fillion get one in Castle, when he talks to a witness about Beckett.
Castle: She'd never go for it. She's a real bi... (Beckett comes in) Castle: For the record, I was gonna say "big rule follower."
In The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Will is comforting Carlton after his girlfriend leaves him at a wedding chapel and Carlton admits he is a virgin. Will says that it's okay and...
Carlton: You mean you're a virgin too? Will: Keep your voice down man, I AIN'T NO VIRGIN!(woman in front of him gets up and leaves) Hey, look man, when it comes to me and the honeys I just say de... (priest walks up to him) no way! Ooh, ugh yucky!
Skins: Emily's and Katie's mother has problem dealing with life's curve-balls. Her daughter's girlfriend is trying to play the perfect host:
Mom: Look at her swarming around, like she did nothing wrong! Katie:(coming to grips with things) ...she hasn't. Mom: I want the best for Emily, and sheisn't! Katie: How do you know? Mom: Mums knows these things, you realize that some day. Katie: Are you really going to leave dad? Mom: I never thought that we would split up. But then I never thought that I would be evicted from our home, that my daughter would be a dy...so rebellious. People always let you down, princess. They fuck things up!
In the Saturday Night Live sketch "Lazy Sunday", Adam Samberg and Chris Parnell express their love for the Chronic— What? —cles of Narnia.
El Chavo del ocho: In one story, Don Ramón tricked his landlord into thinking La Chillindrina had chicken-pox. Later that day, when Professor Jirafales showed up, it wasn't only to see Dońa Florinda but also because La Chillindrina skipped school and had El Chavo say she was sick. When Professor Jirafales asked Don Ramón to tell if La Chillindrina was really sick or not, he was enraged that his daughter would make up that. "La Chillindrina? Sick? Of course..." Then he noticed his landlord appearing and, to avoid blowing up his own lie, resumed his crying act. "...she is, she is!"
A possible example may have been referenced in the Doctor Who episode "Dinosaurs On a Spaceship". Rory at one point tries to explain the Doctor and the TARDIS to his father. He starts with "You know when Amy and I first got married and we went travelling?". Brian answers, "To Thailand?" It is quite likely that during the original conversation Rory was about to say "We went traveling through time," only to substitute the word "Thailand" at the last moment.
In Power of the Daleks, the Daleks pretend to be the humans' obedient servants, while at the same time requesting extra power cables:
Dalek: With static electricity, the Daleks will be even more - useful!
In "Battlefield", the way Brigadier Bambera delivers her Catch Phrase "Oh, shame!" suggests she's thinking of another word starting with "sh".
In the episode of Traffic Cops titled "Hidden Treasures", one of the cops says that he thinks a drug dealer has hidden some drugs up his butt. Narrator Jamie Theakston then says: "If he has, the man's in deep ... trouble."
Sophie: Braddock Aeronautics. It's top shelf. Eliot: That's military aircraft contractors. They used to stamp their logo on their choppers and we'd have to file them off before we — wentfishin'. (beat) Eliot: For...fish...
Many, many playground songs, such as "Miss Susie Had a Steamboat".
Well, I went for a drive in my pickup truck. I picked up my girl, 'cause I wanted to... Show her my gloves, 'cause she had on her mitts, And I blushed brightly when she showed me her... Perfume that she buys whenever Avon calls, So I took off my pants, and I showed her my... Polka-dot undies!
And before that, "Shaving Cream" by Benny Bell repeatedly sets up each verse for a Last-Second Word Swap with the same substitution:
I have a sad story to tell you It may hurt your feelings a bit Last night as I walked into my bathroom I stepped in a big pile of Shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen!
Following this trend, Hayseed Dixie's "Poop In A Jar" cleverly swaps in a word that, while not as offensive, means exactly the same thing as the word it's replacing:
How could I ever fergit That you're a piece of... poop?
A popular French song, La Jeune Fille du Métro (The Young Maiden of the Subway) is completely based on this trope, each verse concluded with a pause, followed by a an innocent sentence replacing a much more obvious, shorter, and naughtier conclusion.
Similarly, a popular song in Spanish, Pican los mosquitos (Mosquitos bite) is based on this trope, each verse running into the start of the next one instead of the obvious curse.
"FTK" from Guitar Hero II is a heavily-Bowdlerized version of the Vagiants' song "Fuck the Kells", with most of the changes applying to one or two words at a time ("fuck" becomes "frack", "the whole fuckin' NFL" becomes "the whole entire NFL"). However, the line "You can take this bar, and shove it up your fuckin' ass!" becomes..."You can take this car, and fill it up with tons of gas!" It's pretty clear they just went for goofy rather than reasonable substitution on that one.
To add a bit of insult to injury, they went and added a lead guitar track to this version that wasn't in the original, and the song is kind of boring without it, so the only way you can buy the song with it in is to get the cheesy Bowdlerized version.
Often used by George Formby in his efforts to Get Crap Past the Radar (although radar hadn't been invented yet...) in the 1930s. Examples:
One of his songs, called "With Me Little Ukulele In Me Hand" (no more needs be said than the title), actually didn't manage to get past the radar.
Parodied by The Fast Show by having a Formbyesque character singing Formbyised versions of Prince songs.
Skins used this exact song during a scene where JJ plays with his ukulele.
Often used by Allan Sherman in his efforts to avoid saying the word "ass." Examples:
"Get Me To The Temple On Time" — "...some new shoes to break the glass. Tell all my old friends they can kiss my BRIDE."
"Hello Mudduh, Hello Faddah (Live version)" — "...They've got style here, they've got class here. And if you're not careful you could lose your CHIPS here."
Dinah Shore's (utterly non-suggestive) hit "Sweet Violets".
Bran Van 3000's song "More Shopping" borrows a couple of these, swapping between the two vocalists each time there's a dodgy line.
Jonathan Richman's "Monologue About Bermuda" tells the story of when he was an overly serious young musician who went to Bermuda with his band and had his outlook changed by a local band who convinced him that fun music is cool, too. He was blown away by a song of theirs that went "Bang, bang, Lulu/ Lulu ran away/ Lulu had to go bang, bang, that's why she ran away/ Lulu had a boyfriend/ Name was Tommy Tucker/ Took her out to his house to see if he could/ Bang, bang, Lulu/ Lulu ran away..."
The entire point of Mitch Benn's "Not Bitter"; a song about how the singer is totally okay that his girlfriend left him.
You bitch, you bitch, you bitch, You betcha life I'll be okay. Ya whore, ya whore, ya whore, Ya horoscope told you it was the right thing to do today. You slut, you slut, you slut, Use lots of self-control and don't turn around. You cow, you cow, you cow, You count on it, I won't be breaking down.
There once was a sailor who looked through the glass Spied a fair mermaid with scales on her— Island where seagulls flew over their nests. She combed the long hair that hung over her— Shoulders. It caused her to tickle and itch. The sailors cried out, "It's a beautiful— Mermaid a-sitting out there on the rocks!" The sailors rushed forward, all grabbing their— Glasses and crowding four-deep to the rail...
It goes on like that for the entire song.
Emilie Autumn plays it for horror in "Miss Lucy Had Some Leeches":
Miss Lucy had some leeches, her leeches liked to suck And when they drank up all her blood she didn't give a Funny when the doctors had locked her in her cell Miss Lucy screamed all night that they should go to bloody Hello to the surgeon with scalpel old and blunt He'll tie you to the table and he'll mutilate your—
The Grammar Club's "Suck My Wallet" has a great one for its chorus, though the name of the song sort of gives it away:
Rock and roll ain't got no soul. Just a dick and a wallet, and you can suck my...wallet.
Lit's "Miserable" plays with this trope in its chorus/opening lyrics:
You make me come— You make me complete You make me completely miserable
In the song "In My Country" by the Lemon Sisters, the singer implores lonely sailors with great big cocktail-shakers to come and visit her country.
Mr Brightside by The Killers:
Now I'm falling asleep / and she's calling a cab While he's having a smoke / and she's taking a drag Now they're going to bed / and my stomach is sick And it's all in my head / but she's touching his...chest now He takes off her dress now...
And that's a double dose of this trope from Carcass' "Don't Believe a Word":
''I promise to tell the truth The whole truth and nothing but... Lies — you believe them all Lies — you swallow them whole Lies, lies, half truths misinformation and... Lies — you believe them all Lies — you swallow them whole Lies, lies, half truths misinformation and...
Johnny Horton's "The Battle of New Orleans":
Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise If we didn't fire our muskets 'til we looked 'em in the eye We held our fire 'til we seed their faces well Then we opened up our squirrel guns and really gave 'em...welllllll, we...
Also played with in Homer and Jethro's parody, "The Battle of Kookamonga":
''Well, our counselor said we could take 'em by surprise If we didn't say a word 'til we looked 'em in the eyes We kept real still and we had our eyes a-glued We saw how they were dressed, they were swimmin' in the...welllllll now!
"The Black Painting Song" by Matrin Pearson:
Using brushes is not chic, Body contact is the thing you seek, You should paint using your hands and feet, I suspect you painted this one with your ass...ass...asking for the gallery
A certain (unofficial) school song: "Within our ancient, ivied halls / Smith women show they've got some poise."
In Anna Russell's grand-opera spoof "Anaemia's Death Scene," the dying Anaemia refers to her Unwanted Fiancé as a "miserable old...baritone."
A double subverted lyric with different words than you'd think - Hieroglyphics' Throw it in Ya Grill:
A little bit of this is all I need Can't wait to get home and smoke some salmon Throw it in ya grill, then called my seed (scene?) And when the street lights go off, we're jammin
Not where you thought they'd go with that, was it?
Roy Zimmermanlives for this trope. Combined with his frequent Subverted Rhymes, you can never be 100% sure how a line will end, but unless you know the lyrics ahead of time, you can almost guarantee that the line won't end how you think it will. One good example is One World, One Bank
"I see a future where we're all in one big tent together talking
On cell phones, to people in some other tent somewhere
And I see a future where poverty and starvation have been eliminated
From all news coverage
I see a future where there are no wars
Just corporate-sponsored police actions with play-by-play on ESPN
And I see a future where concern for privacy is a thing of the past
Because privacy, my friends, is a thing of the past."
Tom Lehrer's (spoken) introduction to his song "Lobachevsky": For many years now, Mr. Danny Kaye, who has been my particular idol since childbirth, has been doing a routine about the great Russian director Stanislavsky and the secret of success in the acting profession. And I thought it would be interesting to st... to adapt this idea to the field of mathematics."
The song Deutschland by the German band Die Prinzen starts out as a tongue-in-cheek song praising the positive attributes of Germany and Germans. After the second chorus the singer starts sounding increasingly serious, nationalistic and subtly reminiscent of Those Wacky Nazis, culminating in the line "Wir können stolz auf Deutschland..." (We can [...] proud of Germany...). But instead of finishing it with "sein" (the German word for "be", which should go at the end of the sentence in this case) the band starts chanting the word "Schwein" (swine/pig), a common German insult and the band's favourite word, to show that the preceding passage was just satire.
Matt Nathanson's "Come on Get Higher"
"I see angels and devils and God when you come... on get higher"
"Take a Hint" by Victoria Justice and Elizabeth Gillies:
"But it always seems to bite me in the...Ask me for my number"
Jason Mraz's Geek In The Pink: "Well, I can save you from unoriginal dum-dums/Who wouldn't care if you come...plete them or not."
In 'Belvedere Cruisin'': "Datsuns just ain't worth a fudgesickle, no!"
In 'It's Still Billy Joel To Me": "It's a big hit, isn't it, even if it's a piece of junk..."
And also by proxy, as Al and Dr. Demento sang themselves a round of "Shaving Cream" now and again.
Kacey Musgraves' "Follow Your Arrow:
If you save yourself for marriage you're a bore
If you don't save yourself for marriage you're a hor—rible person...
Victor Borge, in his "Lost Mozart Opera", described the stage for the opera as having two huge trees, on on either side of the stage. When the voluptuous soprano sings her 'death aria', he then said, "And then she stabs herself, right between the two huge trees!"
A Beetle Bailey strip had Beetle writing on the wall "SGT. SNORKEL IS A BIG STUPI—". He then notices said sergeant, and finishes writing "SGT. SNORKEL IS A BIG STUPENDOUS PERSON". Beetle walks away relieved, with Sgt. Snorkel looking happy.
I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue´´s Limericks game is halfway between this and Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion: each player has to make up one line of a limerick that goes with the previous ones according to the AABBA rhyming scheme, so the earlier players often deliberately set up words that obviously rhyme with something obscene. Then the later players scramble to come up with something else (which may also be dirty), subverting the audience's expectations and leading to a laugh. Example (where the subverted rhyme is "hysterectomy"):
A woman once said: "What the heck" to me, "You look like a physical wreck to me, You're a leery old gent — However, come to my tent, Though it doesn't look very erect to me.
Cabin Pressure. It doesn't do to insult passengers, even when they're your obnoxious sister.
Carolyn: All I want is to tell you exactly where you can go, Ruth, and THAT is to— Douglas: Carolyn. Carolyn: —Helsinki.
I was out picking bones- uh, berries, for my stew, and flowers, yeeess, pretty flowers...
Oh, I'm no one, no one at all, just a frail, old woman out picking booones- uh, berries, picking berries, for her stew so she can feed her prisoners- uh, guests, so she can fatten them up for... um, the long winter...
I still need your help, plump pudd- um, nice pretty girl, [...] Help me home and I'll cook you... um, a nice stew! Yum, I'm getting hungry already *growl*...
Oh, what have we here, this... "stew", isn't good enough to stuff yo- um, to serve, a guest as plump- as well built and deliciou- as honoured as you, my dear...
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, while Drake is being chased on a train by an attack helicopter, he comes across a large vehicle that ends up being an anti-air attack tank.
Nate: How the hell am I supposed to shoot down a hel-lo.
Chip: Thanks for asking, Mister Monster Gu— I mean, Sonic The Hedgehog!
This one isn't as bad though, is it?
Psychonauts: "And I'll kick your ASS...tral projection out of here, too."
An early version of X-Plane had this description of the B-52: "Known by pilots as the BUFF: Big Ugly Flying Fu- um...Fellow."
Banjo-Kazooie Nuts & Bolts has this lovely challenge starring Piddles the Cat: Cheating Witch.
In World of Warcraft you can fish coins out of the Dalaran Fountain. A lot of well-known characters from the Warcraft universe have done a wish you can read when you fish up their coin. Aegwynn, who doesn't like the mages of Dalaran, wished the following:
Aegwynn: I really wish you mages would get your head out from inside your own...books.
Kingdom of Loathing's "pirate pamphlet", quoth the in-game description, "contains helpful tips on all manner of pirate activities, such as swabbing, quaffing, pillaging, and rapi...er, rapier-sharpening."
And on using its peppermint pip packet: "You pop open the packet of peppermint pips and put them in the pocks you poked with your p... your finger."
In Mass Effect 3, Jack's not allowed to swear in front of her students. At one point she tells Joker "Screw you, f...flight lieutenant!"
In the arcade beat'em up, 64th Street, one of the main characters, investigating a coded newspaper ad, says "Holy Sh...eboygan"
Haley: I think I'm in love with y— Durkon: Cure Critical Wounds! (Beat Panel) Haley: —ukuleles.
Also rather harshly enforced by Haley in a much later strip.
Tarquin: You remind me a bit of my fifth wife. Haley: Why? Was she a redhead too? Tarquin: No, but she had the most magnificent set of perky round... Haley: Eyes. Let's both pretend you were about to say "eyes". Tarquin: Fair enough.
In Rusty and Co., Malevolus is about to have a "You shall not pass" moment, then he looks at the adversaries and does the math.
Malevolus: ... And if you want to reach the Inner Sanctum, you'll need to go... ... through... (looks at Rusty, then Cube, then think what happens when the both of them go through him) ... that tunnel there, then hang a right, then the next right, then straight on to the big doors.
In the song "Better Than Neil", Nathan Fillion sings about all the ways in which he's better than Neil Patrick Harris. There's one segment of the song where every line ends in "ness," with lines such as:
Look at his smallness Compared to my tallness,
This goes on for a few counts of 8. He then sings:
My wonderful me-ness, My hammer, the pe—ople can tell that I'm awfully swell.
A less worksafe, one, however, from his review of LittleBigPlanet: "There's a very in-depth level designer built in, with a host of tutorials, you'll be tempted to go through just to have Stephen Fry's voice tonguing your coc...hlea for hours on end."
At the beginning of his review of Tomb Raider Anniversary, Yahtzee vows not to make a single reference to female breasts throughout the rest of the video. At around the halfway point, we get this:
If you leave her for a while, Lara does these shamefully erotic stretches, and whenever she comes out of water she's realistically wet and glistening. It kind of takes me back to when I was fifteen and playing the original Tomb Raider and I'd back her up into a corner to get the best view of her juicy - thighs. (A message flashes across the screen for a split-second saying, "Whew, that was a close one.")
Oancitizen does this in his A Serbian Film review, using the movie in an Aristocrats joke. Except when he gets to the final line, instead of calling the act 'The Aristocrats', he declares "Art" in a stern tone.
In Chapter 23.4 of Worm, Taylor and the Boston Wards spend some time talking with some middle schoolers about superpowers and becoming a superhero. When in the course of the conversation Taylor mentions that she made fifteen or twenty million dollars as a villain before her Heel-Face Turn, one of the heroes almost drops an S-bomb.
Rhinox: What are you saying? Rattrap: I'm sayin' that our little spider chum— (Silverbolt — Blackarachnia's love interest — walks in) Rattrap: —is...a credit to her web-spinnin' species, and I don't know what we ever did without her.
In Beast Machines, Rattrap exclaims, "Botanica! Am I glad to see you...'ve brought us this new power supply."
Homer: Mister Burns' reign of terror is over, and now begins my reign of terr— (workers gasp) —iffic management. (relieved sighs) Lenny: Whoo, I thought he was gonna say "terror"! Carl: Eh, I didn't think he was going that way.
An earlier Simpsons episode has Smithers almost confessing his crush when the town is convinced by a self-help guru to act uninhibitedly:
Smithers: Mr. Burns, I love you...in those colours, sir!
In the "King Homer" segment of the third "Treehouse of Horror" episode, Mr. Burns is discussing going ashore to Ape Island when Marge shows up:
Marge: Am I going, too? Burns: Of course! We wouldn't think of going without the bait...uh, that is, the bait-thing beauty. The bathing beauty! ...Heh, heh, I covered that up pretty well.
"The Wife Aquatic" involves Homer and others on a boat during a storm. As a giant tsunami is about to wash them away they yell: "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPWWRREEEEEEECK!"
Lisa and a friend also do a variation on "Miss Suzie Had a Steamboat" in the opening of "Little Boy and Fat Man". Homer eavesdrops on them and faints after a few lines.
In "Brother from Another Series" Sideshow Bob's brother Cecil screams Shhhhhhh...oot after he accidentally flings millions of dollars into the base of a dam.
In "Stark Raving Dad", Homer calls home from a mental institution.
Homer: Boy! When I get home, I'm going to wrap my hands around your neck— (the doctors suddenly gasp and look at him) Homer: —and smother you with kisses. Bart: Dad, whatever they got you on, cut the dose!
When he tells Reverend Lovejoy that God spoke to him in a dream in "Homer the Heretic":
Homer: He appeared before me in a dream, and I knew that was special because I usually dream about naked...Marge.
Krusty the Klown often ends up doing this on his show whenever he notices that the camera is suddenly on him after a break or cartoon.
Krusty: I could have pulled a better cartoon out of my a— Hey, hey, kids, wasn't that a great cartoon?
In one episode of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983), Prince Adam, Teela, and Man-At-Arms are onboard a small spaceship heading to one of Eternia's moons. An asteroid is heading their way, and Adam comes to realize that there's no way to avoid turning into He-Man in front of Teela (who is not a Secret Keeper) and starts the first few words of By the Power of Grayskull!...only for Man-At-Arms to eliminate the threat mechanically. Teela then asks Adam what he was about to say...prompting him to make up the transparent lie that he was about to say "By the way, Teela, remind me to show you my new vest". Teela, of course, concludes that Adam is an even bigger idiot than she thought...but still doesn't figure out there's more going on.
Filburt and Rocko in the Rocko's Modern Life episode "Kiss Me, I'm Foreign", are in the middle of an argument, when they're interrupted by a knock at the door. They find it's the immigration agent who's been threatening to have Rocko deported throughout the episode, and their response comes out as "What the hellooooo!"
On the short The Bashful Buzzard, Beaky calls a worm an "infinitesimal piece of sh-sh...shoe leather!"
Subverted in a gag reel: Porky Pig hits his finger with a hammer and says the following:
Porky: Oh son of a bi-bi...son of a bi-bi, son of a bi-bi, son of a bi-bi...gun. Heh heh! I bet you thought I was going to say "son of a bitch", didn't you?
In Booby Hatched, a Looney Tunes cartoon involving a semi-hatched baby duckling whose legs are sticking out of the egg, the duckling tries to find his mother, or a viable option: "I gotta find someone who will sit on me. Someone with a nice, warm...disposition!"
''Miiis-suuus Landers was a health nut. She cooked food in a wok. Mr. Harris was her boyfriend, and he had a great big— Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster just won't quit And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like— Shih tzus make good house pets. They're cuddly and sweet. Monkeys aren't good to have, because they like to beat their— Meeting in the office or meeting in the hall, The boss, he wants to see you so you can suck his Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt Mrs. Roberts didn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a— Contaminated water can really make you sick. Your bladder gets infected, and blood comes out your— Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying fuck!
The punchline of "It Hits the Fan" (in which the word "shit" is repeatedly said uncensored):
Stan: "Holy sh—! ...poo."
Tried and failed in The Venture Bros., when the boys ask why they don't remember a villain who claims to be their mommy, Brock says "Look, you don't remember because you're clo— (clones)". Both Brock and Doc stutter, trying to find a suitable replacement word, but fail.
Scratch: Nice work Agent Breezie. Grounder: Yeah, very nice; that little brat is a real pain in the— Scratch: Hey! Grounder: —transmission!
From the ReBoot episode "End Prog", the musical at the end gives us this gem:
The Web invaded Mainframe, sprite and virus battled side by side Attempting to reclaim the city from the rift which opened wide But Megabyte betrayed Bob and he threw him deep inside the pit The pit was closed and Bob was hosed and all that he could say was "NO!!!"
In the Kim Possible episode "Go Team Go", Kim and two of Shego's Team Go brothers show up at Drakken's lair. Drakken tries to demand an explanation:
In the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) episode "Rise Of The Turtles, Part 1", Raphael complains that they've just been standing around "with our thumbs up our noses note Asses!" Michelangelo then states that he doesn't think they'd fit.
A Terrytoons cartoon from the mid 50s featured a pelican as an antagonist. The singers in the background noted that the pelican's beak can hold more than his...(pelican gives camera a ticked look) stomach.
Poe: ...The bats will not harm you, I told them, "Let pass!" The ghouls are a problem, best watch your... [Edgar and Allen stop playing and give him a surprised look] Poe: ...em... bottom...
The Tex-Mex dish chimichanga, a deep-fried burrito garnished with vegetables and sauce, is said to have earned its name in 1922 when a Tucson, AZ restaurateur accidentally knocked a prepared burrito into the deep-fryer. She began to utter a Spanish curse word but, upon realizing children were present, modified her oath into "chimichanga".
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. /Banana split, we think your team plays like/ shift to left, shift to the right/ Come on "team name" fight fight fight!
A common neuroscience mnemonic, as follows: The functions of the amygdala are the four F's — feeding, fighting, fleeing, and mating.
Similarly, Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart refer to the four universals (things that have evolved independently on many occasions, and which we would therefore expect to find in advanced alien ecologies): Flight, Fur, "Fotosynthesis", and ... sexual reproduction.
Common in Phở restaurants such as What the Phở? and Phở King ("Phở" is pronounced as "fuh?", with the question mark.) The latter's slogan was "so Phở King great."
Also in certain lounge furniture stores that glory in the name Sofa King, and advertised their prices with the slogan "it's not just cheap, it's..."
Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau claimed to have said "fuddle-duddle" and not the phrase attributed to him by opposition MPs.
A cheer said at RPI hockey games: "We eat Wheaties, We keep fit! / Not like the other team, they eat shhhhhhhhreaded wheat!"
Rick Santorum may or may not have attempted this during one speech about cutting welfare because it shouldn't be there just "to make blah people's lives better." He claimed that he started to say "a word" and then mumbled. His opponents said he said "black" and attempted a Last-Second Word Swap but couldn't think of another word. And that's all we'll say about that.
A Danish amusement park named Bon-Bon Land (which also had some controversial candy reasembling a turd, boobs, and so on, which until it got removed of the market, was an miracle that it pulled a Getting Crap Past the Radar moment) had its slogan to be 'It's fucking hilarious in Bon-Bon Land'. Later it got censored, and lately it doesn't even have the F-word at all.
It should be noted that the Bon-Bon Land slogan above is roughly translated. A better version would be one without the direct F-word.
A high school cheer (from the 1960's) went "Rha rha ree, kick 'em in the knee! Rha rha rass, kick 'em in the other knee!"
Not a specific example, but anyone who has had a school crush has probably had this happen once or twice.
Sort of a (very unofficial) "fight chant" sometimes heard at Norfolk State University football games in Virginia plays on the local pronunciation of "Norfolk" (NOR-fuk or NAW-fuk):
We don't drink, we don't smoke, Norfolk!
A football cheer in the 1960s (in Minnesota public schools at least): "Rah rah ree! Kick'em in the knee! Rah rah rass! Kick'em in the.... other knee!"