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Bait-and-Switch Comment
Mr. Burns: Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
(Phew.)
Mr. Burns: ...and goodbye! YOU'RE FIRED!
(Homer gags)
Mr. Burns: But, wait. Perhaps I'm being too hasty. You are highly skilled...
(...phew.)
Mr. Burns: ...AT GOOFING OFF!
(Homer clutches heart)
Mr. Burns: Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really dig...
(Homer relaxes)
Mr. Burns: ...A GRAVE FOR!

Someone seems at first to be saying one thing, but as they continue, they turn out to be saying something very different. Bonus points if what they turn out to be saying is the polar opposite of what they at first seemed to be saying.

One form of this is to start with an analogy that is typically used in favour of perspective X... only to go on to describe why it makes more sense to use this analogy against perspective X instead.

Compare I Have Just One Thing to Say, Arson, Murder, and Lifesaving, Arson, Murder, and Admiration, Dramatic Pause, NOT! and Chew Out Fake Out. Compare/contrast Cue Card Pause, wherein the timing of a pause creates a similar effect.

Not to be confused with Bait-and-Switch Comparison. One of them is a trope where the meaning of people's sentences changes as they keep talking... and the other is Bait And Switch Comparison! (No, it really is. What, you were expecting a joke?)


Examples:

    open/close all folders 

    Comics 
  • The Archie Comics displayed above.
  • Garfield:
    • His reply to Arlene telling him she loves him was telling her that it was a coincidence because... he also loves him.
    • This strip.

    Fan Fic 

    Film — Animated 
  • Tangled: Near the start, Flynn notices himself on a Wanted Poster. His reaction is to say:
    Oh, no, this is bad... they just can't get my nose right!
  • Done twice by Mike Wazowski in Monsters, Inc.
    • The first time is in the first act while watching a commercial for the title company, but his appearance is obscured by their logo.
      I don't believe it... I was on TV!!
    • The second time is during the film's resolution, when a magazine's bar code obscures him on the cover.
      I don't believe it... I'm on the cover of a magazine! Oh...!
  • Chicken Run has Bunty's reaction to one of Ginger's rousing speeches:
    In all my years, I've never heard such a fantastic... load of tripe!
  • Kung Fu Panda. Master Shifu teaching Po the mysteries of Kung Fu.
    "When you focus on Kung Fu... when you concentrate... you stink."

    Film — Live Action 
  • Up The Creek: As a Running Gag, every time the hero made love to his new girlfriend, he asked her "Was it as good for for you as it was for me?" and she replied "No..." . Then something happens to distract them. This happened three or four times, until at the end of the movie, when he asked the question she responded "No, it was better."
  • Love Actually: Old rock act Billy Mack puts on a Public Service Announcement:
    Billy: Hiya, kids, here's an important message from your Uncle Bill: Don't buy drugs. (beat) Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
  • Dumb and Dumber: After Lloyd sells Harry's sheepdog van for a nearly-shot moped, Harry gives us this. "You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!"
  • The Princess Bride. Count Rugen: "You've been chasing me all these years only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard... how marvelous!"
  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (in a Shout-Out to The Importance of Being Earnest):
    Willy Wonka: The suspense is terrible! ...I hope it will last.
  • From Air Bud:
    Judge: Mr. Cheney, in my forty years on the bench I've heard a lot of lame-brain, cockamamie proposals... but this one, I like.
  • Dumb and Dumber pulled this after Lloyd had sold the van for a moped and gas.
    Harry: Just when I get to thinking you can't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

    Literature 

    Live Action TV 
  • Happens a lot in Happy Endings.
    Brad: *seems offended* "Hold up. Are you calling me a Trophy Wife ... cause that's awesome".
    • and from the same episode:
    Max: "That is the worst sangria-mouth I've ever seen ... on a non-Spaniard."
    • Later:
    Max: "This may be the single dumbest thing that I have ever been associated with ... and I love it and I'm in."
    The Car Czar:No one talks to the Car Czar like that, ever ... but I like it (*starts laughing*) ... wait, no I don't. Why would I like that? No boss would like that ... but you are my top salesperson, so what am I gonna do?"
    • Also, from "The Storm Before the Calm":
    Dave: Max, are you seriously wearing glasses with no lenses?
    Max: (Beat) Maybe.
    Dave: Dude, I've seen you do some really dumb things before, but this... is not one of them. Those are cool.
  • Parks and Recreation
    Leslie: Can I speak to you about a personal matter?
    Ron: Normally no. But given there's only 20 minutes until the end of human existence... also no.
    • Also:
    Leslie: Look, I don't like to throw around the word "butthead" often. If you call everyone a butthead, it kind of loses its impact. But I can say, without hesitation... that Tom is being a real dick.
  • Very common in competition cooking shows. For example, "I have one big complaint about your dish... I can't stop eating it!" shows up a few times on Master Chef.
    • Master Chef does it all the time especially with regard to who's getting on the show during auditions, or who's being eliminated. One notable example was bringing a contestant's family in...so he could say goodbye because he was going to the show.
  • Hells Kitchen another Gordon Ramsay cooking competition reality show, also invokes this constantly. You can now assume, with rather high certainty, that whoever Ramsay initially mentions during his "announce who's eliminated" speech, will end up being safe.
  • On Top Gear, the presenters often speak this way when introducing the Top Gear Stuntman.
    Richard Hammond: However, there has to be a person inside the car while it's rolling. And that person is going to be me... introducing you to our stuntman, Steve.
    James May: Over the years, he's taken quite a few knocks, and there isn't a movie director who hasn't asked for him... to be thrown off the set. Ronin, The Rock, The Bourne Identity: these are just a few of the films he hasn't worked on.
  • In an episode of How I Met Your Mother, Ted is on a date with a girl who keeps drinking wine midsentence. She keeps saying things that can be perceived as racist remarks, confessions of fratricide, etc., then finishes the sentence after the wine sip so that it takes on a completely different meaning. As Ted is imagining literal baggage appear around the room every time she says something and it disappears when she finishes her sentence, the scene culminates with her saying something particularly bad and a suitcase appears labeled "LET HER FINISH HER DRINK, TED."
    • By the time she says "That reminds me, I killed my brother (sip) with this joke I told him", it's hard to believe she's not doing it on purpose.
  • Often used by Charlie in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when someone says something stupid to him and it seems like he's about to criticize them, but instead he goes right along with it.
    • When Mac and Dennis inform him that they're going to train him to be a pit fighter, he says, "What?! ...That is brilliant!"
    • When Mac and Dennis argue about whether to hit him with a trashcan or if he's ready for a chair, Charlie breaks them up. "Guys, guys, guys... I can handle a chair."
    • When Mac starts calling everyone around him a "jabronie," Charlie stops him. "You keep using that word... and it's awesome!"
    • When Frank and Dennis buy a police car and police uniforms, Charlie is disappointed that they didn't buy him a uniform of his own. Dennis suggests that he dress up in different disguises like an undercover cop, and Charlie says "DAMMIT... That is such an awesome idea!"
  • The live-action segment of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show had one episode where the President ate a pizza at Mario and Luigi's place (No, really). He said it wasn't good. It was GREAT!
  • One sketch on Key And Peele invokes this repeatedly, where a master chef manages to keep switching back and forth as to whether or not he likes a quiche being presented to him, multiple times, in a single sentence. Observe.
  • In one of the last episodes of Friends, Joey asks how he managed to lose 50 coin tosses against Rachel in a row. "It was heads she wins, tails I lose!" The others stare at him as he slowly figures out... that he forgot to pick up his dry-cleaning.
  • One Christmas-themed episode of Married... with Children begins with Al coming home griping about Christmas at the mall where he works.
    Al: All you hear is (whining) "Buy me this! Get me this! I have to have this!"...and then there's the children.
  • In Scrubs: "Sticks and stones will break my bones... but words will hurt forever."
  • In Pawn Stars, The Old Man is given a fully-restored 1957 Chevy 150 during his 70th birthday party.
    The Old Man: Rick...Danny...I don't like it...
    Everyone at the party becomes tense until the Old Man says...
    The Old Man: I love it!
  • From the "Oscars 2013" episode of E's Fashion Police.
    Joan Rivers: "Renee Zellweger won't be making her next movie until the fall. There's no joke. I just wanted to give you the good news."
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
    "Behold the technical wonder which is about to alter the very fabric of our society. Some have argued that such an advancement goes against our nature. They claim that death is our art. I say to them... well, I don't say anything to them because I kill them."
    • When Buffy realises she is broke, Arya suggests she charge for saving people.
    Buffy: That seems like an idea...you would have.
    • Season 9:
    Willow: "If you think that sweet talk will make me feel better, you're completely and unabashedly right."
  • Insane Clown Posse Theater: While watching Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video.
    VIOLENT J: "Would I let my kids hang out with Michael Jackson? No. (Beat) Because I'D want to hang out with Michael Jackson!"
  • Farscape. Used for Ship Tease between Crichton and Chiana thanks to her distinctive form of speaking. "I would love you...to come with me, but..."
  • In The Basil Brush Show, just after Mr. Steven gives away a large sum of money that wasn't his (thus forfilling the moral lesson for the episode) that could have allowed him to go to the Maldeeves, Basil comes out with this little gem...
    Basil: You know, sometimes my admiration for Mr Steven (beat) goes right through the bleeding floor!
  • One 1997 sketch by Rory Bremner imagined Tony Blair making a victory speech to his supporters, and paying tribute to the woman who inspired him. We're led to think it's his wife... until he names her as Margaret Thatcher.
  • Community:
    Abed: I hate twins. The way they always know what the other's
    Troy: Thinking.
    Abed: And always finish each other's
    Troy: Pie.
    Abed: Exactly.

    Music 
  • 10cc's song "Dreadlock Holiday" features a hapless tourist trying to win over some random thugs who are about to beat him up, with the chorus:
    I don't like cricket, oh no/I love it!
    I don't like reggae, no no/I love it!
    Don't like Jamaica, oh no/I love her!
  • German entertainer BŁrger Lars Dietrich has a song (co-written by Stefan Raab) titled "Ich bring' Dich um" ("I'm killing you). The full line is "Ich bring' Dich um den Verstand" ("I'm driving you out of your mind").

    Radio 
  • On Kay Kyser's Kollege of Musical Knowledge, Kay would greet incorrect answers from contestants with his Catch Phrase "That's right, you're wrong!"
  • This is a staple of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. From an introduction to one episode:
    Humphrey Lyttelton: Local Leeds celebrities include Jimmy Saville, Melanie Brown, and of course, our own Barry Cryer! ...Has seen them on the telly.
  • Happens a lot on Hello Cheeky.
    Barry: John's got a lovely singing voice... why does he never use it?

    Stand-Up Comedy 
  • This is comedienne Wendy Liebman's basic style:
    "I'm a traditional woman; I love it when a guy pays... for sex."

    Web Comics 
  • In Erfworld, Prince Tramennis greets his fallen brother, (formerly Prince) Ossomer, after Ossomer had been killed and Decrypted by Wanda, just like Ansom was.
    Tramennis: Brother, it pains me to see you like this.
    Ossomer: Yes, I imagine it...
    Tramennis: Ansom! Now, Ansom could, admittedly, pull off the scarlet-and-black. But I'm sorry, that is an atrocious look on you.
  • From Homestuck, this cute exchange between Dirk and Jake:
    GT: Does that mean I'll have to deal with two dirks?
    GT: One who is MORE MACHINE THAN MAN...
    GT: And another who is a computer program you made hahahahahahaha.
    TT: That's a super joke.

    Video Games 
  • The Soldier of Team Fortress 2 has a good one:
    That was an amazing killing spree... BY THE OTHER TEAM!
  • Raiden does this in the end of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, where he takes the Final Boss' hand seemingly in a gesture of friendship...
    "I was wrong. You're not greedy... YOU'RE BATSHIT-INSANE!
  • In World of Warcraft the Isle of Thunder has a daily quest where you find and reassemble the pieces of an enchanted mogu statue, the head of which frequently criticizes your skill in combat. One of its comments is "What a pitiful creature. And the thing you just killed."

    Web Original 
  • This is a not uncommon format for Cracked article titles, such as "10 Awesome Ads (For Traumatizing Children)".
  • In one of his earliest reviews, The Angry Video Game Nerd described the Power Glove (an infamous NES peripheral) as a potentially big step in innovative gaming... 'but too bad they were just FUCKING JERKING OFF!'
  • From the Homestar Runner cartoon "The Baloneyman:
    Homestar: Strong Sad, you've had some bad ideas in your time, but this is the best idea you've ever had!
    • There's also the King of Town's reaction to being offered a "fun-sized" Butterfinger bar in "The House That Gave Sucky Treats":
    King of Town: That's it?! Well, if you think I'm going to accept this paltry offering just because it has "butter" in the name... well, you'd be right. Give it here!
  • There are several Advice-Animal-style memes based around this, where the top line follows a stereotype of some sort and the bottom line changes the meaning. For instance, Successful Black Man ("I got Arrested... Development on DVD"), Ordinary Muslim Man ("We are going to blow up... a bouncy house for my daughter's birthday"), Almost-PC Redneck ("I fully support the right of my daughter to express her love for her girlfriend in public... It's pretty hot") or Dating Site Murderer ("I will slice you... a delicious piece of this Thanksgiving turkey").
    • The world of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic memes has its own variation on this format, the 'Well-Intentioned Celestia'; in the top line, she appears to be the moon-banishment-happy tyrant she is so often memetically portrayed as, while the bottom lean reveals the perfectly innocuous thing she was trying to say ("Luna, I'm sending you to the moon... walking lessons; that's sure to make you more popular!") One example has her accidentally causing the infamous 'Cupcakes' fanfic in this manner: "Pinkie Pie, I want you to cut up Rainbow Dash... a slice of this delicious cake!"
  • Some Troll copypasta such as 5ever have the intended recipient of the comment tragically dying after the bait but before the switch. For example, a man tells a woman he no longer wants to be her boyfriend, leading to her death before he can clarify that he wants to be her husband.
  • SF Debris said he had one complaint about Picard confronting Sarek in Star Trek: The Next Generation, which was it made him want to see them have more scenes together.
  • In Worm, during a temporary alliance between superheroes and supervillains:
    Tattletale: Your names and powers?
    Tecton: Tecton. This is Wanton and Grace. Our ranged attacker here is Raymancer.
    Regent: Isn't Wonton a kind of noodle?
    Imp: And Raymancer? They're really running out of stuff to call superheroes.
    Grue: Play nice.
    Tattletale: Yeah. A wonton is a kind of dumpling, not a noodle. Get it right.
  • ''The Music Video Show
    • In episode 4:
    "So the rest of the video is just her posing...and she does a pretty good job at it. She's posing as a singer, someone we should give a crap about..."
    • In episode 15:
    "I don't know why people see Kevin Federline as a one hit wonder...I can't see this guy topping a song that went nowhere."
  • The Almost Politically Correct Redneck meme thrives on this, where the redneck in question supports a number of surprisingly liberal stances...for all the wrong reasons.

    Western Animation 
  • Family Guy does a similar thing here.
    • Actually used a LOT in Family Guy. In the Stephen King episode, Peter, who is hosting and kicking off the next mini-story, described the plot of The Shining and speculates how Stewie would fit perfectly in the starring role, only to say that a parody of The Shawshank Redemption is up next.
    • Another Family Guy example.
    Peter: Lois! Remember how you always said you wanted a diamond ring?
    Lois: Gasp! Oh Peter!
    Peter: That's right I got a horse!
    • Probably the best one is also the earliest instance in the show:
    Peter: ...And that's my plan!
    Principal: Well, Mr. Griffin, I don't like it!
    *Peter dejectedly leaves and goes home, answering a phone call several hours later*
    Principal: ...I LOVE it!
  • Phineas and Ferb:
    • In the episode "Split Personality", Doofenshmirtz tries to get over his childhood fear of the high dive:
    Doofenshmirtz: Hey! Hey, this isn't as bad as I remember! ...It's SO MUCH WORSE!
    • In the episode "Don't Even Blink", Doofenshmirtz developed an Invisinator. He explained that he developed it because, whenever the Fireside Girls knock at his door with him at home watching TV and the blinds open, they can see him so he cannot pretend he's not at home. He then told Perry the Platypus he intended to use the invisinator on... the girls so he'd not have to see them.
    • In "A Real Boy", Norm wanted Doofenshmirtz to see him as a son. In the end, Doof started a speech that gave the impression Norm's wish would come true. Instead, Doof said he saw Perry as a son.
  • King of the Hill:
    • After Peggy saves her family's ranch by uncovering an old law that allowed her to transport cattle through the city for as long as the natural way is blocked, she expected her mother to thank her. Peggy's mother instead said she just fixed her own blunder (Peggy's mother was blaming the ranch's impending demise on Peggy not marrying the man her family arranged for her) and that she forgot to brand that cattle before transporting it.
    • In one episode Hank Hill and his friends are playing guitar and singing in the alley. Bill suggests that Hank play "Puff The Magic Dragon", whose lyrics are famously considered to be a drug metaphor. Hank replies, "Bill, do you know what that song is about?" (Pause.) "It's about a dragon. We're grown men."
    • Another instance involves the gang of four in the alley, where Bill is wearing dark sunglasses to conceal a black eye he received in a domestic dispute. Bill gives a poor excuse to Dale, which he describes as a "very interesting story", that he received it by accidentally walking into a door. Dale responds, "Hey, wait a minute..." An out of character moment where Dale actually figures out a cover-up is subverted when he concludes, "How was that interesting?"
    • Speaking of Dale, he once went to John Redcorn's to talk about a dream. In that dream, Dale saw a Native-American having sex with Nancy. When Dale told that, John Redcorn had an Oh Crap moment fearing Dale figured out. When Dale reached the part of Nancy giving birth with a baby wearing a headdress, John Redcorn feared Dale figured this out as well. Dale said he saw this dream as a sign he was a Native American as well. John Redcorn, of course, let Dale think it.
  • SpongeBob SquarePants: When Spongebob creates Bubble Buddy, we immediately cut to him on a seesaw with Bubble Buddy, completely lifeless and not moving the seesaw at all.
    Spongebob: This... is... GREAT!
    • Another had Spongebob help his friend Patrick submit a song which is shown to be so awful that it killed the band recording it and causes pain to everyone else within hearing distance. He plays it first with Spongebob by using a giant stereo that is so loud that it demolishes his pineapple. After Patrick asks him eagerly to give him his most honest opinion, Spongebob stares at him solemnly and moves his mouth as if to insult him.
    Spongebob: Um... how do I put this delicately — That was the best song I ever heard!'''
    • Another one, this time from "Just One Bite":
    Squidward: Why... this Krabby Patty may be the most... Horrible! Putrid! Poorly prepared! Vile! Unappetizing! Disgusting excuse for a sandwich it has ever been my displeasure to have slither down my throat! And I curse this Krabby Patty and all who enjoy them to an early and well- deserved grave!
    • And in "Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm", Squidward's reaction to Patrick's suggestion to dig up Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else:
    Squidward: That idea may just be crazy enough... TO GET US ALL KILLED!
  • The Monster Across the Street on Beetlejuice says of Delia's artwork, "No, ma'am, I don't like it. I love it!"
  • The Simpsons provides several examples:
    • Mr. Burns does this multiple times in rapid succession, leading to Homer's heart attack, as seen in the page quote.
    • Another example, reporting on Mr. Burns' death:
      Kent Brockman: A humanitarian. A philanthropist. A man of peace. These are among the people that have gathered at Springfield cemetery today to spit in Mr Burns' grave.
    • In a moment of frustration at Homer
      Ned Flanders: GOD- (pause) bless him...
    • Sideshow Bob (who had attempted to kill Bart on several occasions by this point) after catching Bart and Lisa snooping, shows up at their parents' front door.
      Sideshow Bob: Madam, your children are no more... than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
    • Zigzagged by Mr Burns' opinion on Marge's portrait of him:
      Mr Burns: I don't know much about art...but I know what I hate. And I don't hate this."
    • The episode "Lisa the Vegetarian" has Lisa wandering around Springfield seeing people eating meat everywhere she goes. She sees a billboard reading "DON'T EAT BEEF." with a picture of a stern-looking woman in a doctor's uniform. Her face lights up... until the billboard changes to read "EAT DEER." with the same doctor woman preparing to eat a steak.
    • When Bart tries out for the role of Fallout Boy in "Radioactive Man", he is thrilled to be told he's the new Fallout Boy... until the director adds "That's what I'd be saying if you weren't an inch too short. Next!" After desperately trying to grow an inch by the next day, he returns to the audition room, upon which the director exclaims "We've found our new Fallout Boy! *Bart gasps* ...And he's right over there. *The director points at Milhouse, standing right behind Bart*"
  • Many episodes of Fairly Oddparents often have Timmy overhearing his parents' conversations, with him usually leaving either in grief or anger before they finish what they're saying. For example Timmy thought his parents hated him because he overheard talk about how much of a burden he was to them, yet after he leaves they then finish out loud that what they previously said is completely opposite of how they really feel about their son. Yeah, Timmy's parents are a bunch of Cloud Cuckoolanders.
  • In the Adventure Time episode "Burning Low", Princess Bubblegum seems to be jealous that Finn is spending time with Flame Princess. It turns out that PB was trying to keep them apart because Flame Princess will explode and destroy the world if she experiences an extreme emotional reaction.
  • My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, "Suited for Success" has Rarity's reaction to her friends finishing her dress for her:
    Fluttershy: Uh-oh, she doesn't like it...
    Rarity: No, I don't like it... I love it!!
    • See also Twilight's line from Lesson Zero: "Rainbow must be angry with Applejack! She must hate her guts! How wonderful!"
  • American Dad!: "This... is... the best... example of terrible lemonade I've ever had."
    • In another episode, Stan looks forward to listening to the sound of a Nickelback CD... being crushed as he runs over it with his SUV.
  • Beast Wars: When Large Ham Megatron learns the Vok are willing to annihilate the entire planet Earth just to remove him and the other Transformers, he couldn't help but comment, "What sheer ruthlessness. What disregard for sentient life... I rather like these aliens."

    Real Life 
  • This article on teachers' wages is one long variety of this, used to point out the Analogy Backfire of comparing teachers to babysitters.
    Teachersí hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or 10 months a year. Itís time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do Ė babysit. We can get that for less than minimum wage. Thatís right. Letís give them $3 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and planĖ that equals 6 1/2 hours). Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day . . . maybe 30? So thatís $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day.
  • Done negatively by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who says things like:
    ... you've been a great audience; for me to poop on!
  • Dorothy Parker in a book review: "This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force!"
  • Mick Foley in his autobiography Have a Nice Day! relates the following from when he was in ECW and headed to WCW. The crowd chanted at him "You sold out! You sold out!" Foley responded by getting on the mic.
    I have a feeling that a year from now, I'm going to have to look in the mirror and admit in my heart that I sold out... I sold out the Garden, I sold out the Coliseum, I sold out every damn arena in this country!
  • From a Bill Maher speech about Obama's critics...
    Republicans need to stop saying Barack Obama is an elitist, or looks down on rural people, and just admit you donít like him because of something he canít help, something thatís a result of the way he was born. Admit it, youíre not voting for him because heís... smarter than you.
  • When Madeleine L'Engle was asked whether the movie adaptation of A Wrinkle in Time measured up to her expectations, she reportedly said, "Yes, it did. I expected it to be bad, and it was."
  • Tim Minchin being Tim Minchin
    [Trying to stop his eight month old daughter from eating pennies]
    Tim Minchin: Remember, the mouth is for eating food. And later, when you are older, cock.
    Tim's Wife: Tim! For Christ sake! You can't say that!... She might like pussy.
  • A joke about a Grumpy Old Man talking to his neighbors, two male bachelors: "Two guys, living in an apartment, with no women around, huh? You know what I call guys like that? Huh? I call 'em lucky bastards".
  • This passage from noted cosmopolitan thinker Kwame Anthony Appiah is a more chilling example of this in real life:
    They believe in human dignity across the nations, and they live their creed. They share these ideals with people in many countries, speaking many languages. As thoroughgoing globalists, they make full use of the World Wide Web. They resist the crass consumerism of modern Western society and deplore its influence in the rest of the world. But they also resist the temptations of the narrow nationalisms of the countries where they were born, along with the humble allegiances of kith and kin. They resist such humdrum loyalties because they get in the way of the one thing that matters: building a community of enlightened men and women across the world. That is one reason they reject traditional religious authorities (though they disapprove, too, of their obscurantism and temporizing). Sometimes they agonize in their discussions about whether they can reverse the world's evils or whether their struggle is hopeless. But mostly they soldier on in their efforts to make the world a better place...They are young, global Muslim fundamentalists.
  • Abraham Lincoln, needing advice on Simon Cameron, the Senator the Republican Party had basically picked for Lincoln's first Secretary of War, asked Cameron's fellow Pennsylvanian Thaddeus Stevens if he could trust Cameron. Stevens famously replied, "I do not believe he would steal a red-hot stove." (Cameron was notoriously corrupt.) Cameron, indignant, demanded that Stevens "retract" his statement. Stevens replied, "I said that Cameron would not steal a red-hot stove. I now take that back."

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