By "No", I Mean "Yes"
"I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right... but I'm never wrong."A character makes a statement, then immediately adds that they actually mean the exact opposite of what they said. Usually shows up in comedies. May be used as a form of pointing out sarcasm. Compare Dissimile. See also No, Except Yes, where a character prefers to use a different word to mean the same thing, and No Means Yes, where people assume a person is doing this, but they aren't.
— Sam Goldwyn
- A Boy, a Girl and a Dog: The Leithian Script: In this The Silmarillion story, when Finrod finds out her fiancée has been building flying ships during his stay abroad he is astounded. His brother Angrod asks him if he is jealous:
Angrod: [curious] Are you jealous? —Ingold?
- In The Prayer Warriors, Jerry has this to say about his girlfriend, Mary (emphasis added).
Jerry Narrates: "I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on. We are dating, but we are not having Sex until we get married."
- From Meet the Robinsons:
Wilbur: If my family finds out that I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave. I'm not exaggerating! Well, yes I am.
Lewis: You lied to me?!Wilbur: No! Well...yes.
- Wilbur seems to make a habit of this:
Wadsworth: THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT! WE'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO KILLED HIM, AND WHERE AND WITH WHAT!
Professor Plum: There's no need to shout!
Wadsworth: I'M NOT SHOUTING! (beat) ALL RIGHT, I AM! I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOU—
- At this point, his shouting has vibrated the candlestick from its perch above the doorway he's standing in and clocked him on the head.
- Kingdom of Heaven:
Balian: What is Jerusalem worth?
Saladin: Nothing. (He walks away then turns around) Everything.
- Hot Shots! Part Deux: Topper to Harbinger when he's wary of a Mole on the strike team.
Topper: I'm not saying that I don't trust you, or that I do trust you, but I don't.
- Subverted by Niles Crane in Frasier.
Niles: Her lips said "no", but her eyes said, "Read my lips."
- In "One Man's Treasure," Alexis tells Beckett, "I know my dad can sometimes be a handful, and by sometimes I mean all the time."
- In the sixth season premiere, after Castle proposes to Beckett, a very surprised Beckett kisses him. When Castle asks if that's a yes, she answers, "No, wait..." leading to some confusion over whether she was saying "Yes" or "No". Her initial "No" was because she wanted to tell Castle she was offered a job with a Federal task force in Washington DC. Ultimately her answer was a resounding "Yes."
- Used by Mark Lamarr on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, usually along the lines of "...I like x. I say like, I mean tolerate. I say tolerate, I mean (Description of elaborate torture he'd rather be put through rather than have anything to do with x)"
- That Mitchell and Webb Look: The interviewer in the "Realistic Film Director" sketch asks questions like this.
Interviewer: Peter, what would you say — and apologies if this seems like a crass question — is the horniest bra size on a woman?Director: What?Interviewer: By which I mean, what, if anything, is the message in your films?
- A good multi-part one from Scrubs:
Dr. Cox: And this... abomination is the reason we can't afford a new computer?Dr. Kelso: Well, that, and a little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by "medical boondoggle" I mean "golf weekend." And by "Cleveland" I mean "Hawaii." .... Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by "bus" I mean "helicopter."
- In Conspiracy Thriller Utopia, hapless Dugdale is talking to Donaldson about how they are both being blackmailed by The Network, it leads to this amusing exchange:
Donaldson: All I know was within the next few weeks I was embroiled in a sex scandal. Professor Pervert addicted to coke and prostitutes.Dugdale: So did they just set you up?
- In the Doctor Who episode "The Beast Below": "Except it's not a torture chamber, is it? Well, except it is. Except it isn't."
- On Firefly, Jubal Early does this:
Simon: So you're a bounty hunter.Jubal: No, that ain't it at all.Simon: Then what are you?Jubal: I'm a bounty hunter.
- On The Vicar of Dibley, Jim Trott's "No, no, no, no, no...yes", which is his Verbal Tic. And also his (rarely seen) wife: "Yes, yes, yes, yes...no."
- On Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
- "Restless" has this example:
Dream-Giles: You hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um...
- From the Season 9 comics:
Sophie: We certainly don't associate with anyone who'd do something like that. Wait. Yes we do, don't we?
- "Restless" has this example:
- Sylar does this in Heroes.
- Monty Python's Flying Circus:
- This dialogue snippet between two pepper pots plays with it:
Mrs. Thing: Oh, have you been shopping?
Mrs. Entity: No, I've been shopping.
- From the "Nudge Nudge" sketch:
Norman: Look, are you insinuating something?Him: Oh, no, no, no...yes.
- From "The Silliest Interview We've Ever Had"
Sir John: May I take this opportunity of emphasising that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount...
- This dialogue snippet between two pepper pots plays with it:
- This snippet from Skins, when Naomi goes to visit Effy in her psychiatric institution.
Effy: You think you're going mad, so you came to see me to see what a crazy person looks like.Naomi: No. NO! No...yes.
- The West Wing:
President Bartlet: You told the press I have a secret plan to fight inflation?
Josh: No, I did not. Let me be absolutely clear, I did not do that. Except, yes, I did that.
- Sports Night has:
Dan: You went to a woman's apartment, and there you had wine. And there you had sex.
Casey: You are way off base. That is not what happened. Except, yes, that's what happened.
- From the M*A*S*H episode "To Market, To Market", as Henry is polishing his new desk:
Henry: Radar, you know what kind of wood this desk is made with?Radar: Oak, sir.Henry: Nope. It's oak.
- This is an atypical example, because each time he does it (which he does to everyone he shows the desk off to) he's not actually listening to them. He's just glorying in having something cooler than MacArthur has.
- The Living End has a song called Short Notice with lyrics like:
I said I wanna, I wanna see youI really meant I wanna, I wanna leave youI said I wanna, I wanna touch youI really meant I wanna, I wanna punch you
- "Only on Days That End in 'Y'" by Clay Walker:
The only time I ever miss you, honey
Is when I'm alone or when I'm with somebody
Your memory never even gets to me
'Cept when I'm awake, and when I m sleeping
Girl you never even cross my mind
'Cept just when I think I left you far behind
Only when I laugh, only when I cry,
And only on days that end in "Y"
- A Garfield strip had this exchange:
Jon: I can't go out tonight, Liz.... I have a terrible cold. Don't worry, though. Garfield's taking good care of me.... [Cut to Garfield laying on the table in front of Jon] as in NOT!Garfield: Can't you breathe in the other direction?
- In Fellowship! The Musical, Frodo says he thought Sauron was killed. Gandalf responds: "Oh, he was killed. If by 'killed', you mean turned-into-a-giant-flaming-evil-red-eyeball, then SURE, you betcha he was 'killed'!"
- In Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions Deadpool, filming his battle with Ultimate Spider-Man as a TV show, unleashes his army. "And by army I mean production assistants. And by production assistants I mean interns. And by interns I mean fans."
- Agents Of Cracked has with Michael: "If by "I want a hot dog" you mean "I want your junk in my mouth", then sure!"
- The FAQ from The Best Page In The Universe includes the question, "How often do you update your page?" His answer: "At least once every week. And by "once every week," I really mean "when I get a chance." And by "when I get a chance," I really mean never."
- Amy Ratcliffe describing her search for 'water dancing' lessons at a convention.
...we eventually tortured a volunteer for correct information. And by torture, I mean we looked sad and tired and frustrated.
- SF Debris' review of David Lynch's Dune, discussing the changes in the Baron's character from the book:
"I hate to be all "they changed him now he sucks"...but at the same time, they did change him, and now he really does suck.
- In the South Park episode "Cartman's Incredible Gift," the police come to Cartman, who has (supposedly) gained psychic abilities, and offer to pay him to help them catch a killer. Cartman replies, "I'm afraid that my powers are not for sale. And by that, I mean that they absolutely are for sale."
- Lionel Hutz from The Simpsons, explaining to Marge why Judge Snyder is not on good terms with him:
"Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog... Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'."
Homer: I have to go do some serious thinking.Bart: I think Dad meant "do some serious drinking."Lisa: That's what I assumed.
- Leonard Nimoy introduces The Simpsons episode "The Springfield Files" with, "The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies, and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no."
Homer: Hey Marge! Want $1000?Marge: NO! I mean yes.Homer: Too late. (burns the money)
- In "Kill Gill Vols. 1 & 2", Marge has trouble saying no to freeloader Gil and when she finally gets the guts to, he's gone. Which leads to this...
- Doctor Doofenshmirtz does this about Once an Episode on Phineas and Ferb, usually when Perry bursts in to foil his evil scheme of the week.
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! What an unexpected surprise... and by unexpected I mean completely expected!
- Also, Major Monogram once said he wanted to approve Perry's request for a vacation but there was a small problem. He admitted that by "small" he meant "big" and by "approve" he meant "deny".
- Also, there was at least one occasion where, by unexpected, Doof actually meant unexpected. And he sometimes isn't sure what he meant by other variations of this trope.
- Used in an episode of Maryoku Yummy, with Baburu commenting on Hadagi's latest scheme: "I can see this is going to be fun. And by fun, I mean no fun at all."
- Futurama, "The Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings": "You may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically I mean get your coat."
- A literal case happened in King of the Hill. Peggy was once asked to teach German and she answered "Nein", thinking it meant "Yes". As she related this to her niece, Peggy said she had lost an opportunity because of that.
- Pushed to the extreme by Sasha in Titan Maximum:
Sasha: We thought you’d given up on us. And by We I mean I and by thought I mean hoped and by given up I mean died and by on us I mean in a fire and by period I mean disappointed ellipses.
- The Fairly OddParents episode "Hairicane" had Chet Ubetcha playing with this trope. When it seemed the Air Force would defeat the hairicane, he announced "We're saved!". Then the hairicane defeated the Air Force, prompting Chet to say "And by saved, I mean doomed!"
- Robot Chicken has a skit where the Care Bears ethnically cleanse the Care Bear Cousins. Quoth Bedtime Bear:
"It's bedtime! And by "bed", I mean "ethnic", and by "time", I mean "cleansing". (shoots a rainbow that decapitates the elephant)
- From 'Gravity Falls:
The Author: Tell me, Stan. Are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?!Stan: No, just us. Also, maybe the entire U.S. government.
- Pundit Rachel Maddow consistently refers to the Republican Party's current (c. mid-2012) highest priority as "Jobs, jobs, jobs, and by that we mean 'abortion'."