Radio / John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme

Radio sketch show from The BBC, written by and starring John Finnemore of Cabin Pressure, along with Carrie Quinlan, Margaret Caybourn-Smith, Lawry Lewin and Simon Kane.

Well, since you ask me for a list of tropes in John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme, I do have an alphabetised assortment of common narrative elements you may find... egregious

  • Ambiguous Syntax: In the Store Detective sketch,
    Snowman: Crumbs, sir!
    Casterbridge: Are you exclaiming "Crumbs!", or pointing out some crumbs?
    Snowman: Both, sir. "Crumbs, sir! Crumbs."
  • Brand X: "That big sporting competition that's like the Olympics, but isn't the Olympics, but happened at the same time as the Olympics and let's say in this universe the Olympics doesn't exist."
  • Brick Joke: The entire text of the Storyteller segment in series 4, episode 5 is "Since you ask me for a tale of Time Travel... you will find I have already told you one." He's referring to the Storyteller segment in the next episode. That segment is an even more elaborate example; during the story it becomes clear that while traveling through time, the Storyteller and Dr. Croupenstein passed through several sketches earlier in the episode.
  • Could Say It, But...: Subverted. An HR representative tries to get across to his friend that "Of course I can't talk about the upcoming layoffs, but I especially cannot tell you that your job is safe", which his friend mistakes for this trope played straight, despite the HR guy getting more and more explicit about precisely what it is he can't say. The punchline is that the reason he's so confident about his job security is that "I'm one of the best detectives on the force!"
  • Cozy Voice for Catastrophes: An actor is hired to read an emergency broadcast which he believes is part of a movie script. Unbeknownst to him, he's actually recording a real emergency announcement, because the government is about to release a biohazard and needs a recording of a soothing voice telling people not to panic.
  • Credits Gag:
    "Simon Kane's lines were voiced by an actor. John Finnemore's lines should have been."
    "If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in tonight's show... I'd be astonished."
  • Cross-Cast Role: Sometimes a character specifically referred to by male pronouns will be played by one of the female cast members, for example Snowman in the Store Detectives sketch and the rancher in the Tortoise Ranch story.
  • Death of the Author: invokedParodied with an English teacher who gets increasingly frustrated at not being able to correct his class's hopeless - sorry, "interesting" - interpretations of Macbeth (they're convinced he's a Badass, and the whole conversation with his wife where he's remorseful and she's scorning him is them both being "sarcastic"). When the lesson ends and he covers the same class's Maths lesson, he's overjoyed at being able to tell them "NO! No, that's wrong, that's the wrong answer and I'm going to tell you the right answer which I know and you should learn! God that felt good!"
  • Every Episode Ending: In the first series, each episode ends with a "ghost" story (sometimes different genres are used), always subverted somehow and full of wordplay and Lampshade Hanging.
  • Fantastic Racism: A sketch in which a character is called out by his friends for racist remarks about aliens.
  • Film Noir: The Storyteller sketches in the third series.
  • Fractured Fairy Tale: The first episode of Season 5 has a version of Snow White in which the Grand Vizier, upon realising the mirror is really magical and the Wicked Queen isn't delusional, uses it to manipulate the stock market and spy on neighbouring countries, until the kingdom becomes the world's dominant superpower. And, as an afterthought, has Snow White killed by a professional assassin to keep the Queen happy.
  • Gilligan Cut: Parodied in a sketch about a sitcom character trying to get by in real life (who also appeared in a sketch riffing on the trope Right Behind Me). He's asked to do something silly for charity, and outright refuses to do it. He then starts preparing to do it anyway, to the confusion of the other characters who've, naturally, already arranged for someone else to do it.
  • Has Two Thumbs and...: In one episode, Finnemore tells a spine-chilling Burke and Hare parody about an Edinburgh thimble factory, a supplier of thumbs who claimed to be getting them from a combined distillery and bacon-slicer, and of the terrible choice the factory owner gave him: to allow Pratt and Rabbit to continue in their trade, or to sacrifice his own thumbs.
    Finnemore: And that is why my answer to the question "What has two thumbs and a conscience stained black as pitch?" must forever be "This guy!"
  • Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act: Invoked in the Storyteller's tale of twisted science - when shown a time machine in 1908, he immediately seizes upon the possibility of going back in time to kill the one person on whom everything bad in the world can be pinned... but since it's still only 1908, he can't think who that would be.
  • Hypocritical Humor: In one sketch, Lawry asks John why he never gets to sing.
    John: Can you sing, Lawry?
    Lawry: No.
    John: Right, so ... well, that's probably the main reason why you...
    Lawry: Can you sing, John?
    John: OK, you make a good point.
  • I Know You Know I Know: Are you sitting comfortably?
    Bob: Okay. I want you to listen very carefully and tell me if I've got this right. You're angry about what you think I said about what you said about what you thought I said (but we now both agree I didn't say) about what you thought I thought you thought about what I did when you did what you did when I didn't do what you thought I said I would do but what I thought I said I would try to do, is that right?
    Alice: Yes.
    Bob: Yeah I thought so. Well I didn't say that.
    Alice: Yes you did! You said you couldn't believe I said what I said about what I thought you said (but which we do agree you didn't say) because you thought I said I said what I said not because you didn't do what you said you'd do but because you said you'd do it, and that makes me feel that you feel that I feel that you don't feel what I feel.
    Bob: You know I feel you feel I feel what you feel.
    Alice: Yes but I don't feel you know I know that and that's why I said what I said.
    Bob: What did you say?
    Alice: That sometimes, I think you're a little over-analytical—
    Bob: Bollocks.
  • In Case You Forgot Who Wrote It: Lampshaded in a Credits Gag; "I myself wrote and starred in the programme, but modesty precludes me from ever telling you my name, save for one cryptic clue hidden deep within the title..."
  • Inherently Funny Words: One of the Storyteller sketches has two characters unable to stop saying "back channel" because of how funny they find it.
  • Judgment of Solomon: Solomon has to figure out what to do when both women object to cutting up the baby. As one of them says, "No, we both like the baby. That's the whole point."
  • Knights and Knaves: Parodied in this sketch in the first episode.
  • Locked Room Mystery: "The door had been locked from the inside. The windows were barred, locked from the inside, didn't open and were made of brick. All the books were chained to the shelf save one, open on the table at a page entitled ‘How to secure a room from the inside’. All the boxes had been ticked. And even the pen used to make the ticks was one of those ones on a little chain you get in banks."
    • Turns out the maid killed him, and then built the locked room around the corpse.
  • Mix-and-Match Critters: Polly the Croco-pie, the result of a union between "an unusually docile crocodile and a quite heroically determined magpie".
  • The Mole: One Storyteller sketch is set in the zoo, where the Storyteller has to find out who has been leaking information to their nearest rival, the circus. The sketch constantly lampshades that there's a rather obvious joke about who the mole could be. Then it turns out the mole is a parrot.
  • Monochrome Casting: Discussed in one sketch when Simon, upon realising he's playing a character called Ranjit, stops the show to ask John about the sketch.
    John: I noticed that whenever I name a character in a sketch, I reach for a generic white Anglo-Saxon name like Paul or Sarah, and that doesn't really reflect ... you know, who we are as a society.
    Simon: No, but it does sort of reflect who we are as a cast.
  • Nested Stories: One of the "ghost stories" has The Storyteller telling a story about a man at his club telling him a story about a letter he found containing a story about a landlady telling a story about an old drunk who said "I went for a walk, and I saw a ghost." So there you have it! You devout believer (or no less devout skeptic), from henceforth you must find some accommodation in your convictions for the fact that you once met a man who met a man who found a letter from a man who once stayed with a lady who knew a man... who saw a ghost! Except it turns out he actually said he saw a goat.
  • Never Heard That One Before: A song by the Keeper of Small Mammals at a zoo begging visitors 'When you see a meerkat, don't say "Simples!"'
  • Promoted Fanboy: In-Universe. We hear the life story of a boy whose lifelong dream is to become The Man Who Makes The Noise Of The TARDIS, and he goes to amazing extents to achieve this - even, after Doctor Who's cancellation in 1989, becoming the BBC Director General to get it Un-Cancelled, before stepping down from his post to go and work in BBC Wales's sound design studios. It's a shame that his TARDIS noise is just him going 'bwaaaaooaoooooooowowwwwww' into a microphone.
  • A Rare Sentence: A Subverted Trope when he describes encountering thumb-sellers who claim they get their thumbs from a combined bacon slicer and distillery.
    "The owner of that thumb was no alcoholic bacon slicer!" It was a sentence I'd uttered a thousand times before, but rarely with such meaning.
  • Right Behind Me: Parodied, with a guy who launches into a tirade against his new boss, trailing off with "...and he's right behind me, isn't he?" His coworkers respond with "No... of course not, we'd have said something." He then reveals, with the air of a man admitting to a compulsive disorder, that he's a sitcom character, and really needs the "scene" to resolve itself humorously, and gets more and more anxious at the lack of a punchline. However, as the boss is out of the office there's nothing to be done, until;
    Colleague: Don't worry, I'll handle this - my brother's a sitcom character too. What's that you say about the new boss, Colin?
    Colin: He's ugly and stupid and bald and awful!
    Colleague: He's also in charge of who gets a Christmas bonus this year.
    Colin: ...and I won't hear a word said against him! Ohthankyousomuch.
  • Rule of Three: Finnemore has a self-imposed rule that no sketch can return more than three times in an episode.
    • Which he would appear to have now broken, since there are a few episodes where a recurring sketch appears four times. But technically, the first time doesn't count as a return.
  • The Storyteller: Well, since you ask me for a story about The Storyteller...
  • Straight Man: There is a Running Gag that an interviewer character played by Carrie Quinlan (eventually given the name "Patsy Straightwoman") gets increasingly frustrated each time she shows up at having nothing but feed-lines in her script.
  • Straw Character: Parodied and lampshaded in a sketch where one of the cast criticises the previous sketch for making fun of Christianity. Finnemore explains his reasoning, and she eventually has to concede that he's won this fictional argument he wrote both sides of.
  • Summation Gathering: The mystery story has the suspects "gather in the denouement parlour".
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Done after a sketch about a man panicking that he's technically now older than most of the world's population. One of the cast adds the following:
    That sketch was written by a man who is 38 and a half, but he's fine with it. Honestly.
  • Thieving Magpie: Polly the Croco-pie combines this stereotype with the "mighty crocodilian jaws" inherited from her mother to make an animal that will happily bite your arm off if you wear a sparkly bracelet.
  • Too Soon: invokedOne of a series of sketches where famous witticisms are met with a realistic reaction from the person being addressed;
    Man: President Coolidge is dead!
    Dorothy Parker: How could they tell?
    Man: ...Jesus, Dorothy, a man just died.
  • Translation Convention: Jesus' defence when an apostle points out his anachronistic use of the word "off-license"
    You know as well as I do that we're both speaking Aramaic, and the word I just used was the informal word for a wine merchant, which I can only assume in whatever language we're being translated into sounds like "off-license".
  • Translator Collar: In one sketch, a scientist invents a device that can translate whalesong. It turns out that this consists entirely of whales telling each other "Hey! I'm a whale! Hey! You're a whale! Hey! We're whales!"
  • Unfortunate Names: A sketch based on A Christmas Carol has a main character called Christopher Muscheer. The narrator informs us that Chris' wife "also had a name that was very funny when followed by Muscheer, but which I can't recall at the moment" and that his son Bernard "had a name that was not funny when followed by Muscheer, because his parents didn't want him to be bullied at school."
    • Another sketch features a couple at a speed dating event. The man asks to be called "K", and eventually admits with embarrassment that his name is Kermit. The woman sympathises, because her name is Lisa Simpson.
  • Wacky Marriage Proposal: Parodied. Two women are heard talking about the various irritating/publicly embarrassing proposals they've received from men (through a megaphone in Trafalgar Square, throwing an expensive ring into a gorge, etc.) when Finnemore's voice breaks in, Public Service Announcement-style:
    "MEN! DON'T TRY TO BE CLEVER! The men in these stories were hapless idiots, but SO ARE YOU! They all tried to be original! To think differently! DO NOT DO THIS! Be unoriginal! Think same-ily! The acceptable romantic gestures are in order! Flowers! Dinner! Presents of something she mentioned ages ago and then forgot about! A proposal should be somewhere nice, with a ring, private enough for her to say no if she wants to! Men only get away with any variation on these in Hollywood movies, and that's because the same person gets to write What He Does and What She Thinks About It! You don't get to do that! So stick to the stuff that works! AND ALWAYS KEEP THE RECEIPT!"
  • Witch Hunt: "When he couldn't find any witches to burn, the king widened the definition to any ugly woman who owned a cat. When he couldn't even find any of those, he made the women of the village hold a beauty contest. First prize was a night with the king, last prize was a cat."