Who wants to bet Danny is taping this vacation so that he can deduct it off his tax returns? Danny:
Well I could do that. But that would be wrong.
A protagonist-but-not-hero character makes a casual proposition for solving a problem that is immoral, disgusting and/or murderous and violent. A beat goes by, in which the other protagonists look at him with perplexity, disbelief, mistrust or anger in their eyes. He quickly adds, "And/But that would be wrong." or other half-hearted attempt to save face. This is seldom mentioned again, even when the guy is TOO given to making such propositions.
Not to be confused with And That's Terrible
. Compare Could Say It But
, Shutting Up Now
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- Played seriously and darkly in The Walking Dead. When faced with awful problems, the protagonists often come up with awful solutions, then say, "And That Would Be Wrong." As the series progresses, they say it more and more quietly, as "wrong" becomes more and more of a necessary option.
Films — Live-Action
- The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977) segment "A Fistful of Yen" mocks Nixon: Loo meets Ada Gronick, the Distressed Damsel he's come to rescue (in a ridiculously bugged room).
The guards will have to be bribed. We'll need money. Loo:
We can raise the money, that's no problem. (reaches up, pulls down a large microphone and speaks into it
) But that would be wrong
- In Muppets Most Wanted Fozzie's reaction to learning how The Muppets have been selling out tickets to their terrible shows is... pragmatic.
Walter: Fozzie! Dominic's the reason we've been selling out our shows! He's been giving away tickets and bribing journalists to write great reviews!
Fozzie: Ugh, why didn't we ever think of doing that?
Fozzie:I mean... th- th- th- that's terrible.
- In one episode of Happy Endings Jane's boss the Car Czar pulls this, in the too emphatically denying version of this.
Brad: Would you want to come to a dinner party tonight?
Car Czar: Does the Car Czar have a camera in the woman's bathroom? *awkward pause* No! I do not and would not. But yeah, I want to come to dinner.
- In Smallville, "Onyx", Chloe says this when she unconvincingly denies ever hacking into security cameras.
- Dexter says this about the rude owner of a noisy dog who's been keeping his girlfriend awake at night. Of course, he says it in his head, so he's really only mollifying the Code of Harry.
Dexter: I could make things so much easier for Rita... but that would be wrong.
- Repeatedly subverted on Firefly by Jayne. Mal is constantly telling Jayne that it's not okay to do certain things, and Jayne's response is usually to whine about it.
Mal: I've given Jayne here the job of finding out.
Jayne: (brandishing a big knife) He was non-specific as to how.
Mal: (whispering) Now, you only got to scare him.
Jayne: (annoyed) Pain is scary...
- Downplayed "Shindig" near the end after Mal wins the duel against Atherton.
Mal: Mercy is the mark of a great man.
(Mal jabs Atherton with his sword)
Mal: Guess I'm just a good man.
(Mal wounds him again for good measure)
Mal: Well, I'm all right.
- Subverted in Deadwood, when Memetic Badass Al Swearengen and Faux Affably Evil Cy Tolliver have a saloon proprietor to saloon proprietor conversation, with Al complaining about the "hoopleheads" who patronize his joint: "Sometimes I wish we could just hit them over the head, rob them, and dump their bodies in the creek." Tolliver (arguably the more evil of the two men by virtue of enjoying his sociopathy) replies dryly "But that would be wrong." The subversion is that neither man would shy away from such an act on moral grounds, only practical ones (killing your customers today means no customers tomorrow), and both have in fact done much worse things.
Lassiter: If I weren't a cop, I would shoot him in a darkened alley and leave evidence to suggest that his own people were behind it... and when I say I, I mean a fake, imaginary detective to be played by Powers Boothe.
- Sometimes happens on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, particularly with Anya.
- After Buffy and Faith undergo a "Freaky Friday" Flip in the fourth season, the latter assumes this to be Buffy's catchphrase (that and "you can't do that") and uses it extensively in rehearsing for her new "role".
- In one episode, Buffy and Willow talk about how Giles's books might have details about what sort of women Angel was interested in. But in order to find that information, they'd need to go behind Giles's back, and betray his trust. And that, Willow points out, would be wrong. One Gilligan Cut later, they're both in Giles's book cage, flipping through an old volume...
- In one Married... with Children episode, Peggy has to go back to school to complete her home-ec credit and ends up in the same class as Kelly. A girl in the class leaned over and said, "Hey, Kelly, you up for vandalizing the graveyard tonight?" very casually, as if this was a normal activity for them. Seeing Peggy's shocked look, Kelly says, "No, Susan. That would be wrong."
- The Big Bang Theory has the following exchange with Bernadette.
Oh, I take pacts very seriously. One time at my lab, a petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing. That day we made a pinky swear
never to admit we crossed Ebola with the common cold. Howard:
Why the hell would you cross Ebola with the common cold? Bernadette:
We never did. (beat
) That would be a terrible, terrible thing.
- From Bones, Colin Fisher, who had recently been in a mental hospital, describes a victim's injury: "The brain would have bled out, thus releasing him into sweet oblivion." (beat) "Which is death, and is sad, not happy."
- Inverted in an episode of The West Wing: Burt Ganz, an old friend of Toby's, is in town, to testify on behalf of his company against a law that would force companies to pay to clean up the pollution they cause. Ganz approaches Toby to tell him that the company has been disposing of illegal amounts of cancer-causing material, that he's known this for years, and that he wants Toby to get him immunity so he can blow the whistle during the hearings. Midway through a conversation with Ganz, Josh and a White House lawyer, Toby says they should get Ganz the immunity, not just for his sake, but because announcing it during the hearings will devastate the corporations' arguments against the law.
Toby: It will do tremendous good for us in terms of winning this one!
Josh: Plus we retard Kierney-Passaic's progress in killing people.
Toby: Josh is right; there are several positive outcomes.
- In Doctor Who, "The Shakespeare Code", the Doctor and Martha realize they have a chance to see one of Shakespeare's "lost plays", Love's Labour's Won.
Martha: Have you got a minidisc or something? We can tape it, we can flog it, sell it when we get home, we'd make a mint!
The Doctor: ...No.
Martha: That would be bad.
The Doctor: Yyyeah.
- NCIS, "Terminal Leave":
(Kate catches Tony listening through the door to Jen's room as her parents yell at her)
Kate: (whispering) What are you doing?!
Tony: Uh... listening.
Kate: That is just wrong.
Tony: Sneaking your horny boyfriend into a house filled with armed federal agents who are on the lookout for Al-Qaeda assassins, that's wrong, Kate. Me, I'm just trying to gather some valuable intel so I can do my job better.
(they both nod, then put their ears to the door)
- From an episode of Leverage, Nathan describes that the villain of the week sets himself up with mob ties, so if the feds ever come snooping around his real profits (a stock fraud scheme)... Parker interrupts: "he'll trade his mob records for immunity and a new identity. Swweeeet! (beat) I mean, evil, and... clever, but... bad."
- Another episode shows Hardison getting very excited to get access to high tech government security hardware "which I know nothing about because that would be treason and wrong."
- Andromeda features an in-universe comedic example when the captain and first officer are discussing diplomatic negotiations with a race of humanoids genetically engineered to breathe water.
Beka: I could say that talks with the fish people are floundering... but that would be wrong.
- Happens routinely in the Paranoia books, but always with the obvious implication "but Alpha Complex is a Crapsack World, so that wrong thing is exactly what will happen."
- Used verbatim by Koal in Advance Wars: Dual Strike, after describing how they turned parts of the world into wasteland. "I'd tell you that we cared, but I'd be lying. And that would be wrong."
- Traynor in Mass Effect 3 states that decrypting Turian chatter about the Tuchanka bomb would take a week...and be wrong.
- Note that there is no sign of it a last-second addition or half-hearted. He is sincere on both points.
- Used by Movie Bob in his review of The Losers, explaining that the best use of the film would be for under-17-year-old to get into the theater so they can go see the far-preferable but R-Rated Kick-Ass, except That Would Be Wrong.
- From the Duckman episode "Ajax and Ajaxer":
Why, I bet a kid, thinking I was a role model
and wanting to imitate my behavior, could easily steal sodas from a vending machine... too. DO IT! Do it now, kids! Stick it to the man! HAHAHAHA!!
(Cornfed is handed some Censor Notes
"But of course that would be wrong."
- Danny Phantom: Danny, Sam and Tucker find themselves looking in on future Danny destroying Amity Park. Naturally, Sam and Tucker are appalled; Danny, on the other hand...
Wow, is that some sort of Ghostly Wail? That is so cool!
(beat, Sam glares at Danny
I mean, if it weren't being used for evil!
- Referenced in Family Guy: "Hey, that's way better than what I was thinking; I was gonna suggest we kill and eat the kids! You know... half-jokingly at first so I could gauge your reaction..."
- The Fairly OddParents:
Timmy: What do you mean I can't just make three tickets appear like magic?
("DA RULES" appear)
Wanda: Timmy, it's sold out! If we gave you three of the tickets, it means we'd be taking them away from somebody else who already has them!! (off Timmy's "I don't care" glare) And that would be stealing. (off his glare) Which is bad.
Timmy: Well, can't you just make three extra theater seats??
Wanda: That would violate the fire code!
Timmy: I have to buy those tickets from Francis! I wish I had 1500 dollars.
Wanda: That's counterfeiting. (off glare) Which is bad.
Timmy: Darn it! I'll have to do it the old fashioned way...
Wanda: Bad. How do most ten-year-olds make money?
- Richard Nixon. On the Watergate tapes, Nixon says of one of his enemies, "we could kill him", and in an interview with David Frost, Nixon claimed that the next thing he said, accidentally erased from the tape, was "... but that would be wrong." It became something of a Memetic Mutation back in the day.
- Radio host and former Reagan administration Secretary of Education Bill Bennett:
But I do know that itís true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could — if that were your sole purpose — you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down.
- Used almost verbatim by Roger Ebert in his review of the 2011 remake of the 1984 movie Footloose, complete with Wiki word capitalization.
This 2011 version is so similar — sometimes song for song and line for line — that I was wickedly tempted to reprint my 1984 review, word for word. But That Would Be Wrong.
- A lot of the handwritten edits to the publicized version of the CIA "Human Resource Exploitation Training Manual" come off like this, especially when it comes to "coercive techniques."
(Inserted in the middle of a description of using sensory deprivation in interrogation) Its use constitutes a serious impropriety and violates policy.