"It's not pining, it's passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This. Is a late. Parrot! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace, if you hadn't nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies! It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible!'' This! Is an EX! PARROT!"When someone lets off a string of euphemisms, synonyms, and/or translations from other languages to emphasize a point. A subtrope of Rapid-Fire Comedy. Often used to mock and/or subvert Never Say "Die". Similar to Hurricane of Puns. Compare Freudian Slippery Slope. Contrast Cluster F-Bomb. See also Cliché Storm.
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- This advert gives us a hurricane of Visual Puns... it may take a while for the penny to drop. (It's for Charmin toilet paper.)
- An AT&T Commercial:
"Yeah, so with AT&T Next you get the new iPhone for zero down.”“Zero down? Zilch. Nothing? Nada. Small potatoes? No potatoes. Diddly-squat? A big old goose egg.”
Anime & Manga
- Futari Ecchi:
"What's a blow job?"
"That's... fellatio... fella-chan?... lip service..."
"Lick-suck... flute play... chirp-chirp-lick-lick..."
- (also... fella-chan?)
- The real beauty of that is that the usual onomatopoeia for "chirp chirp" in Japanese is "chin-chin", which doubles as a childish way to say "penis".
- Zodon from PS238 does this a fair bit... or would, if that "Barry Ween" chip didn't translate all his swearwords into non-offensive terms, and actual hurricanes into excerpts from show tunes.
- In The Savage Dragon, when Super Toughnote , after years of being Trapped in Another World, reunites with his former sidekick Mace AKA Young Toughnote , they greet each other with a passionate kiss, prompting Noble Bigot with a Badge Howard Niseman to spend the whole rest of the scene in the background muttering euphemisms for "gay".
- Captain Haddock of Tintin loves to hurl hurricanes of obscure euphemisms at his enemies.
- In the thirteenth Valhalla album, when Loki upon finding himself in the underworld tries to ask Hel if he's really dead or not, he uses every every possible euphemism for "death," only to have her completely misunderstand them all, until he breaks down and screams the real word. Translated and paraphrased:
Loki: What brings me here... to the kingdom of the dead... ulp! Does this mean I have... passed away?
Hel: Away? You're right here.
Loki: Have I found my peace?
Hel: You don't look very peaceful.
Loki: Ceased to breathe?
Hel: Doesn't sound like it.
Loki: Kicked the bucket?
Hel: What bucket?
Loki: Danced the last dance... perished... pushing up the daisies... snuffed out... croaked... Am I DEAD, damn it?!
- He isn't, he's just dreaming.
- After Naruto has sex with Kazehana in Sekirei? Is that some new species of little Sister?, he and Uzume trade euphemisms for sex.
Uzume: "You boinked her didn't you big bro?"Naruto: "Mounted her like a mule."Uzume: "Did the no pants dance."Naruto: "Fed the kitty."Uzume: "Swept the chimney."Naruto: "Checked the oil."Uzume: "Tested the suspension."Naruto: "Filled the cream donut."Uzume: "Made the beast with two backs."Naruto: "Stuffed the beaver."Uzume: "Did the horizontal hula."Naruto: "Attacked the pink fortress."Uzume: "Lusted and thrusted."Naruto: "Gave her a hot beef injection."Uzume: "Okay, you win."Naruto: "That's What She Said."
Naruto: "How often have you kneaded the love muffin? Diddled the skittle? Flicked the bean? Stroked the kitty? Done some indoor fishing? Given yourself some lip service? Brushed the-"Miya: "I DON'T MASTURBATE!"Naruto: "Well, since you feel the need to scream, perhaps you should consider starting?"
- Later, Naruto gives several euphemisms when asking Miya if she's masturbated since her husband's death.
- In Veritas Oracle Harry keeps slipping out to meet Tonks as part of the effort to destroy Voldemort, with her in different forms so no one can catch on. Fred and George have caught on, but put a different spin on their interpretation.
George: We thought that you might be, how do you say?
Fred: Sampling the fruits of life?
George: Sowing your wild oats -
Fred: Taking the old bicycle out for a ride -
George: Testing the limits of your manhood -
Fred: Dipping the wick -
- In The Perilous Conflict Hermione tells Harry that Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour are engaged.
Fred: Yep, that's right. Engaged, betrothed, plighted, affianced, leg-shackled. Doomed, enslaved-
- In Not the Golden Route Harry admits that he and Hermione had sex in the tent after Ron left.
Ron: No, save it, Harry! You had her go wild on the hippogriff, ride your broomstick, show you her Chamber of Secrets and allow your basilisk to slither in, whomping the willow, visit your restricted section, let you stir her cauldron, take you to the Shrieking Shack, turn into Moaning Myrtle, duel with your wand, take a trip in your Forbidden Forest, make your mandrake cry, and...
Harry: Are you done, Ron? Are you through with all your sexual puns?
Ron: No, I got a few more.
- Comes up in Rainbow Brite's Light when Buffy tells Dawn she can have sex with Xander but only if they don't go past 3rd base.
Dawn: "What's third base?"Xander: "We were only supposed to go to Third Base? Buffy's gonna kill me!"Dawn: "What did we do?"Xander: "First through fourth, a little of left field and that last time I think we knocked the cover off the ball as we hit it out of the park."Dawn: "Oh. I guess I got carried away."Xander: "No, you carried me away."Dawn: "Extra innings?"Xander: "You know it."
- In The Poker Game Harry creates a sentient magical construct and Luna makes a remark about "knocking up" magic.
Harry: That's not a very nice thing to say.
Luna: Then what would you like me to say, Harry? Impregnate? Inseminate? Fertilize? Fecundate? Or would you prefer the more basal terms? Bang up? Prang up? Pupped? Stuffed? Preggered? Hatched an egg in the dragon nest? Spread the Egyptian flu? Joined the pudding club? Up the kite? Up the pole? Up the spout? Up the duff? Put a bun in the oven? Baking cookies? Caulked the pipes?
Harry: I know you’re extremely curious about what the ‘Whore of Gryffindor’ has been doing with himself these past two years, but I have a question for you first.
Bill: Don’t call yourself that!
Harry: What? Whore? I was also a freak, a slut, a faggot, a cocksucker, a shirt lifter, a ponce, a nancy boy, a queen, a bitch…I could go on, but if you frequent a place like Tommy’s then you’ve probably been called all those words yourself.
- In The Glow of Gold Dust Harry was bitten by a vampire Veela.
Draco: Semen is your life-saving nutrition. Because of the treatment we've been providing for you, you've had no immediate need for it up till now, but as the treatment progresses, you will soon start to need the nourishment.
Harry: Semen? Excuse me? What are you saying?
Draco: Semen, come, jism, spunk, the elixir of love, love juice, whatever you want to call it.
- In Dahlia Evans & the Broken Bridge Hermione explains the purpose of a Swear Jar to Neville.
Neville: So if I said "Malfoy's an enormous tit"-
Neville: Bogie-licking bum kisser-
Dahlia: Dragon dung-eating arsewipe-
- Prevalent in Entropy due to the cast of Code Geass watching a dvd of the series. Milly and Lloyd in particular get in on it.
Lloyd: You don't think space was tight in that tunnel? And that he should pull out before he gets in trouble?
Zero/Suzaku: I don't like where this is going.
Milly: But Nina and I were in danger! I don't see anything wrong with Suzaku penetrating the terrorists' defenses straight through that tunnel to save us - as hard and fast as he can.
Kaguya: Maybe not straight through, right? Maybe just a little bit to the left.
Milly: It's not like he'd have to be gentle. The enemy was experienced..
Zero/Suzaku: No, no, nonono-!
Milly: I'm glad he didn't hold back and really gave it to them!
- Broken Twilight:
Harry: Well, I have three dads now, and while it's totally amazing, it does get confusing. I mean, do I call you guys, daddy, dada, father, papa, pappy, sire, old man, old fart...
- I Welcome the Unwelcome:
Violet: Some seventh year just called me the Dark Lord's whore. And both Parvati and Lavender ignored me.
Hermione: I thought you actually had to do...stuff to be considered a whore.
Violet: Sex, Hermione, not stuff.
Hermione: Yes, well-
Violet: You're nearly seventeen! Surely you can say sex. Or shag. Or screw. Or bang. Or fuck.
Films — Animated
- The Emperor's New Groove:
Kuzco: Oh, and by the way, you're fired.Yzma: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, "fired"?[Kuzco snaps his finger and a servant comes in and writes down Yzma's "pink slip"]Kuzco: Um, how else can I say it? "You're being let go." "Your department's being downsized." "You're part of an outplacement." "We're going in a different direction." "We're not picking up your option." Take your pick. I got more.
Kuzco: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But Yzma, you really wanna kill me?!Yzma: Just think of it as... you're being let go. That your life's going in a different direction. That your body is part of a permanent outplacement!Yzma: I know. It's called a "cruel irony"—like my dependence on you.
- Later in the movie, Yzma returns the favor.
- The Lion King
Zasu: Your parents will be thrilled, what with your being betrothed and all.Simba: Be-what?Zasu: Betrothed. Intended. Affianced.Nala: (beat) Meaning?Zasu: One day, you two are going to be married.
Films — Live-Action
- Monty Python's Life of Brian has a delightful scene wherein, upon finding out that his father was a Roman, making him onealthough... , Brian spews out a series of racist synonyms for "Jew" while arguing that he is one.
"I'm not a Roman, mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!"
- Beautifully subverted in The Marx Brothers' Horse Feathers, in which Groucho tries to tell Harpo that he can't burn the candle at both ends - Harpo produces a candle burning at both ends. Groucho tries another, Harpo produces, etc...
- Austin Powers:
- In Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Dr. Evil escapes into space in a rocket that has a more-than-passing resemblance to a giant—
Pilot: Dick! Dick, take a look out starboard.
Dick: Oh my God. It looks like a huge—
Birdwatcher: Pecker!... Wait, that's not a woodpecker, that looks like someone's—
Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with—
Baseball Umpire: Two balls. (looking up from game) What is that. It looks just like an enormous—
Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying—
Musician: What's that?
Willie: (squints) Well, that looks like a huge—
Johnson: Yes, sir?
- Subverted at the beginning of another hurricane on the same subject at the end of the film:
Radar Operator: No, sir, he got away in that big spaceship that looks like a huge—
Teacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or—
Friendly Dad: Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener?
Friendly Son: Dad, what's that?
Friendly Dad: I don't know, son, but it has great big—
Peanut Vendor: Nuts. Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some?... Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband's—
Circus Barker: ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster!
Cyclops: RARRR! Hey, what's that? It looks like a—
Fan: Woody. Woody Harrelson. Could I have your autograph?
Woody: Sure. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!
Fan: It's so huge.
Woody: No, I've seen bigger. That's—
Dr. Evil: *gives Mini Me an injection* Just a little prick.
- Done again and lampshaded in Austin Powers in Goldmember with the sattelite that Dr. Evil tests his tractor beam on:
Radar Operator: Dr. Evil's not bluffing. One of our sattelites is falling out of orbit.
General: Which one?
Radar Operator: The one that looks like a pair of—
Melon Vendor: Melons! Big, juicy melons!
Customer: Are they nice and firm?
Melon Vendor: Well, what do you think?
Customer: Look at that! It looks like a set of giant—
*Cut to four shirtless football fans spelling "TITS" with letters on their torsos, until two more arrive and they spell "TITANS".*
Titans Fan: Check it out! Those remind me of—
Ozzy Osbourne: Boobs!
Sharon: Boobs, Ozzy?
Ozzy: These filmmakers are just ***ing boobs.
Kelly: What do you mean, dad?
Ozzy: Well, they're using the same ***ing joke as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
Sharon: What ***ing joke?
Jack: You know, the ***ing joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's—
Johnson: Yes, sir?
- In Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Dr. Evil escapes into space in a rocket that has a more-than-passing resemblance to a giant—
- From Liar Liar, Fletcher Reede attempting to ask a witness a question he knows will result in a lie (and even that he has proven incapable of doing)... and finally snapping and actually badgering a confession out of his own witness:
Fletcher: You slammed her, you dunked her donut, you gave her dog a Snausage! You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey! (starts jumping up and down and making gobbling noises)
- In American Beauty, Lester Burnham lets loose with a short one of these at his wife when she catches him masturbating: "Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!"
- Robin Williams does this in Patch Adams to cheer up a dying patient who'd proven inconsolable, using a string of euphemisms for dying to tickle the morbid funny bone.
- Donald Faison's character does this in Clueless to illustrate that Cher's "boyfriend" is gay.
Murray: Your man Christian is a cakeboy! He's a disco dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?
- Four Rooms, the Second Room: The Bellhop is trapped with an armed man and his wife tied to a chair, mistaken for the wife's lover.
Sigfried: Would you stop talking about his penis?
Angela: How can I stop talking about something that's so huge? I could go on and on about his cock, his bone, his knob, his bishop, wang, thang, rod, hot rod, hump mobile, oscar, dong, dagger, banana, cucumber, salami, sausage, kielbasa, schlong, dink, tool, big ben, Mr. Happy, Peter Pecker, pee-pee, wee-wee, wiener, pisser, pistol, piston joint, hose, horn, middle leg, third leg, meat, stick, joystick, dipstick, one-eyed wonder, junior, little head, little guy, rumple foreskin, tootsie roll, love muscle, skin flute, roto-rooter, snake, hammer, rammer, spammer, bazooka, rubber, chubby, sticky, stubby, schmeck, schmuck, schvantze, ying-yang, yang...
- The closing Hilarious Outtakes reel in Grumpy Old Men features various different sexual euphemisms that Burgess Meredith had his character utter in different takes of the same scene. While technically not a use of this trope, the way they're edited and presented together in rapid succession gives it much the same effect.
- Varsity Blues had this gem, set in a sex ed. class:
Miss Davis: "Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?"
Student: "Boner? Is boner one?"
Miss Davis: "Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good! Moxon, how about you?"
Jonathon "Mox" Moxon: The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icicle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... Oh, and Pedro."
Miss Davis: "...Pedro?"
Mox: "Yeah, uh huh."
- There's Something About Mary has a Hurricane Of Euphemisms for A Date with Rosie Palms.
- In Teen Witch, the teacher of a sex ed class holds up a rolled-up umbrella and asks the students to guess what it represents. One of them responds: "A Roger. A love one. Joystick, dong, zipper-lizard, tallywhacker, trouser-snake, schlong!"
- Clerks II features what is more accurately described as a Hurricane of Dysphemisms:
Dante Hicks: 'Porch monkey' is a racial slur against black people!Randal Graves: Oh it is not! Coon, spook, spade, moolie, jigaboo, nig-nog, those are racial slurs against black people!
- Done for dramatic effect in Philadelphia.
Joe Miller: Are you a homosexual?... Answer the question! Are you a homo? A faggot, a punk? A queen, pillow biter, fairy? Booty snatcher? Rump roaster? ARE YOU GAY?
- Ernest Goes To Jail:
Ernest P. Worrell: Like in real, really, really, really, really real prison? The hoose-gow, the slammer, the joint, Alcatraz, San Quentin, Sing Sing, Oh no. I'm in... I'm in... jaiiiiiiil!
- Charlie Frost (Woody Harrelson) describing what the Apocalypse is in 2012.
Jackson Curtis: I was listening to the broadcast and I was wondering what is exactly that's gonna start in Hollywood?Charlie Frost: It's the apocalypse. End of days. The Judgment Day, the end of the world, my friend. Christians called it the rapture, but the Mayans knew about it, the Hopis, the I Ching, the Bible, kind of...
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit:
Dolores: It's a rotgut room. Holdover from Prohibition.Roger: Oh, I get it. A speakeasy, a gin mill, a hooch parlour!
Roger: I didn't kill anybody, I swear! This whole thing's a set-up, a scam, a frame job!
- And also:
Roger: Jessica's the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee...Eddie: You better start drinkin' it black, 'cause Acme's takin' the cream now.
- Roger's prone to this:
"Mah biscuits are burnin'! Fire in the hatch! Great horny toads, that smarts!"
- Earlier, Yosemite Sam experiences a Rump Roast;
- In The Man Without A Face, Chuck Norstadt's mother uses one to see if Chuck has been molested—but it's clear he has no idea what she's really asking.
- From Brain Donors, in a scene where Roland T. Flakfizer is trying to convince the Great Volare (ballet dancer) to join the company he represents:
Volare: Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?Flakfizer: I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.Volare: I was dancing professionally.Flakfizer: Ehhh, whatever you call it! Flogging the carrot, polishing the cue stick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel...
- The Muppets:
- In The Muppet Movie, when the Muppets see a motorcycle cop that turns out to be Doc Hopper's assistant Max.
Dr. Teeth: It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I...Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!
- In The Great Muppet Caper, when Piggy's been wrongfully imprisoned. (She used "cooler" and "stir" earlier in the conversation, which established that she'd been locked up for 45 minutes.)
Miss Piggy: Great. I'll be stuck in the big house for life.Kermit: "Big house"? Is that prison talk?Miss Piggy: Yeah, big house, squealer, slammer. That's the lingo we use here in the joint.
- In The Muppet Movie, when the Muppets see a motorcycle cop that turns out to be Doc Hopper's assistant Max.
- In Airplane!, Rex Kramer laments that Stryker is now the pilot of the plane: "I know. I know. But it's his ship now, his command; he's in charge, he's the boss, the head man, the top dog, the big cheese, the head honcho, number one..."
- Tommy Boy, Tommy walks in on Richard who's having A Date with Rosie Palms:
Tommy: Richard! Were you watching, "Spank-tra-vision?" Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian! Oh, whats his name? Buddy... Whack-it? Say! That's a pretty girl down there! Gee, I wonder if she goes out with one of the Yankees!(Later)Tommy: Richard... who's your favorite Little Rascal? Alfalfa? Or is it... Spanky?
- In one of the Time Warp Trio books, every time someone tries to say they're going to throw up, another character interrupts with a different euphemism: "toss your cookies", "ride the porcelain bus", "make a sidewalk pizza"...
- Partial example in The Colour of Magic, where it's caused by Twoflower reading out all the synonymous alternatives suggested by his phrasebook at once.
- In The Truth, Gaspode uses one of these to describe how angry Commander Vimes will be when he finds out William de Worde dropped a powerful scent bomb in front of Sgt. Angua: "Vimes will go round the twist. He's going to go totally Librarian-poo. He's going to invent new ways of being angry and try them out on you."
- The Kingkiller Chronicle gives us a euphemism-laden nursery rhyme, ripe with foreshadowing:
"Seven things stand beforeThe entrance to the Lackless doorOne of them a ring unwornOne a word that is forswornOne a time that must be rightOne a candle without lightOne a son who brings the bloodOne a door that holds the floodOne a thing tight-held in keepingThen comes that with comes with sleeping"
- Marco in Animorphs had a number of "vomit" euphemisms in one book.
Marco: You ever notice how many different ways there are to say "throwing up"? There's vomiting, of course. Hurling. Tossing your cookies. Puking, a classic. Ralphing...There's cascading. But I prefer the terms that are more real. Like blowing chunks. Spewing your guts. Tangoing with the toilet. That's a good one. Technicolor yawn."
- Welkin Weasels: Poynt wants Falshed to make sure a boxer he's bet against loses, and Falshed tries to start a euphemism hurricane:
"You mean take a dive, take a fall, throw the fight-""Any of those will do, so long as he makes it look good."
- The humor book A Guy's Guide to Dating has five full pages of euphemisms for A Date with Rosie Palms, from "adjusting the set" to "yanking the yo-yo," and including such gems as "dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters," "being your own best friend," "sheathin' the heathen," and many others.
- In Tom Sharpe's black satire of life in apartheid South Africa, Indecent Exposure, the Nazi-inclined psychiatrist Dr von Blimenstein has to deal with a hysterical and sexually repressed Afrikaaner woman who is suffering from that common phobia, Blackcock Fever. Unable even to say the word penis, the patient resorts to euphemism as the (not) good doctor pretends ignorance: They've got such big ones. Hoo-has. Whatsits. Wibbledy wands. Pork swords. Knobs. Pee. Are. Eye. See. Kay. Spells "prick!" The root of the patient's anxiety is fear she is going to be raped when the blacks eventually rise in rebellion against apartheid combined with sexual repression. (This summarises three pages of hysterically funny dialogue on pp 172-175 of the paperback edition).
- In The Dresden Files book Blood Rites, Harry and Murphy are discussing a porn director that Harry is working a case for. At one point he brings up the director's aversion to using breast implants in his films.
Harry: He doesn't believe in using surgically altered... uh... You know.
Murphy: Boobs? Jugs? Hooters? Ya-yas?
Harry: I guess.
Murphy: Melons? Torpedoes? Tits? Gazongas? Knockers? Ta-tas?
Harry: Hell's bells, Murph!
- Bored of the Rings has a creature called a Thesaurus which always speaks like this.
"Maim!" roared the monster. "Mutilate, mangle, crush. See HARM."
Live Action TV
- Monty Python's Flying Circus:
- The legendary "Dead Parrot" sketch climaxes in the frustrated customer rattling off a long list of euphemisms that indicate the dead Norwegian Blue parrot is not simply "pining for the fjords".
- Many other sketches had similar lines. John Cleese and Graham Chapman would often write sketches together, using a thesaurus to come up with many ways of saying the same thing. This was later lampshaded by Eric and Graham, when, during one sketch where Eric (in drag) is naming off different ways to say "predict". A board comes down with a list of all the words he's saying, and the audience reads them off at the same time while Graham (also in drag) points to them.
- The above sketch was written by Terry Jones and Michael Palin as a parody of the Cleese/Chapman. Terry and Michael were incredibly surprised when the group decided it was still funny enough to be filmed.
- This was coupled with Unusual Euphemism in the "Wink Wink" sketch, including "candid photography" - at least until The Reveal that the man spouting said euphemisms is also a virgin.
- The beginning of Cleese's eulogy for Chapman: "Graham Chapman, co-author of the 'Parrot Sketch', is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky."
- The Bill featured Sgt. Gilmore (who was gay) in his first episode reeling off a long list of euphemisms for "gay".
- Life On Mars also features Gene Hunt (who's not gay and is more like homophobic) doing a shorter, more offensive list of gay euphemisms.
- Stargate SG-1: Jack O'Neill describing his declining mental state in "Window of Opportunity", saying, "Lose it. It means, go crazy... nuts... insane... bonzo... no longer in possessions of one's faculties... three fries short of a Happy Meal... WACKO!"
Samantha Carter: And then it will overwhelm his nervous system and the colonel will...Jack O'Neill: What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?
- Along with a fantastic illustration.◊
- Jack does this again a few seasons later after he downloads an alien database into his head. From previous experience, they know what to anticipate if they don't manage to get him somewhere that it can be removed from his brain before it's too late:
- From the Brass Eye pedophile special, with increasingly bizarre made-up euphemisms:
Interviewer: You are a paedophile. You are a nonce. You're a perv. You're a slot badger. You're a two pin din plug. You're a bush dodger. You're a small bean regarder. You're a unabummer. You're a nut administrator. You're a bent ref. You're The Crazy World of Arthur Brown. You're a fence vole. You're a free willy. You're a chimney bottler. You're a bunty man. You're a shrub rocketeer.
Paedophile: Yes well, you know, you've just mentioned some of the names that we have to put up with every day and it's just another form of racism.
- While probably not humorous, on Doctor Who the Sixth Doctor (played by Colin Baker) has a habit of using such streams of related terms, especially when frustrated or angry. In one Big Finish audio adventure, a character says that talking to the Doctor is "like arguing with a bloody thesaurus!"
- Another example from the same argument in the audio:
The Doctor: If I have to endure another insult—
Banto Zane: Oh here we go, another voyage round the English language...
- Which is probably a nod to the serial The Trial of a Time Lord, which revels in thesaurus abuse.
- Another example from the same argument in the audio:
- Data was known to do this in earlier seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Guinan: That's it, isn't it? You don't have any idea what a joke is.
Data: Of course I do. It is a witticism, a gag, a bon mot, a fluctuation of words which concludes with a "trick" ending, it is...
- As does fellow robot Kryten in Red Dwarf, especially when annoyed.
- Polly of Fawlty Towers does this to inform Basil that the new chef has gotten drunk while attempting to hide the same fact from the guests by following each euphemism with something that might reasonably be the object of said euphemism: "potted the shrimp", "soused the herrings", "pickled the onions", and "smashed the eggs". Under the table...
- Mystery Science Theater 3000: At the end of Episode 320 (The Unearthly), TV's Frank pesters Dr. Forrester to do his Leo Gorcey impersonation:
Forrester: Frank, once again I'm going to have to kill you.
Frank: You wanna run that by me one more time?
Forrester: I'll run that by you one more time! (hitting Frank with his hat) Yeah, you know... kill... boost... ice... wax... skrag... douse... stifle... eighty-six... slip the Rosco... chill... dust... yank... toss a little kickshaw... raja...
- Joel gets in one of these earlier in the same season, explaining his Invention Exchange for Episode 307, the Air Freshener Mobile:
- The IT Crowd: Played straight, and later Metaphorgotten by Douglas: "Well, I'm the boss, head honcho, el numero uno, Mr. Big, the Godfather, Lord of the Rings, the Bourne Identity, er... Taxi Driver, Jaws... Forgot the question a while ago."
- Also played straight with Jen trying to tell Moss that 'Aunt Irma is visiting her'. Roy finally comes up with one Moss gets.
- House uses one of these to explain a child's odd behaviour to her mother:
House: You mix rocking, grunting, sweating, and dystonia with concerned parents and you get an amateur diagnosis of epilepsy. In actuality, all your little girl is doing is saying "yoo hoo" to the hoo-hoo.
Mother: She's what?
House: Marching the penguin. Ya-ya-ing the sisterhood. Finding Nemo.
Girl: That was funny.
House: It's called gratification disorder. Sort of a misnomer. If one was unable to gratify oneself, that would be a disorder.
Mother: (covering the girl's ears) Are you saying she's masturbating?
House: I was trying to be discreet. There's a child in the room!
- Queer as Folk: After Stuart's preteen nephew tries to blackmail him for being gay (Stuart's parents don't know) and with false accusations of paedophilia, Stuart corners him in front of the entire family and outs himself with a long stream of euphemisms and cacophemisms for homosexuality.
Stuart: Because I'm queer. I'm gay. I'm homosexual. I'm a poof, I'm a poofter, I'm a ponce. I'm a bumboy, batty-boy, backside artist, bugger. I'm bent. I am that arsebandit. I lift those shirts. I'm a faggot-ass, fudge-packing, shit-stabbing uphill gardener. I dine at the downstairs restaurant, I dance at the other end of the ballroom. I'm Moses and the parting of the red cheeks. I fuck and I am fucked. I suck and I am sucked. I rim them and wank them, and every single man's had the fucking time of his life. And I am not a pervert.
- When Monk believed he had been accidentally exposed to marijuana, he spent a few minutes naming slang words for the drugs, almost all of them made up.
- A sometime-Catch-Phrase used by Steve Urkel—whenever he made what he thought what a casual declaration of something, and people replied "Whaaaa?", he would reply with a Hurricane Of Euphemisms.
- When Sam switched places with Dr Ruth on Quantum Leap, Al took advantage of her presence in the waiting room to have a therapy session about his hangups:
AL: More about Tina?Dr. Ruth: Uh-huh.AL: Ah — well — ummm — oh well, ha-ha-ha, she's got... great... casabas!Dr. Ruth: What are these... casabas?AL: Well you know... melons, ho-has, honkers, hooters, headlights, ah— ta-tas? teeters, tweeters, tom-toms, tee-tees? [His face is all contorted trying to say just one word — LOL]Dr. Ruth: Say it!AL: I'm trying to say it! Meatballs, mangos, cream pies, cupcakes, eh — bangers, bouncers, bolumbas!Dr. Ruth: Al!AL: Bazongas! BREASTS! ...I said it! [With a very self-satisfied look on his face]Dr. Ruth: You see, it wasn't that hard.AL: Yes it was.
- Saturday Night Live: Wayne's World would frequently do this when discussing vomiting, including in the movie.
- One SNL sketch had series regular Randy Quaid trying to tell Pee-Wee Herman that he needs to get a prostitute, without coming out and saying it:
Randy: Well...they wear lots of makeup...Pee-Wee: Clowns!Randy: No...let's just say you'd be embarrassed to be seen with one...Pee-Wee: (nodding gravely) Mimes!
- This goes on for a while until Pee-Wee finally says "Well, I don't get it; maybe you should just go see a hooker!"
- Naomi and Katie do this for lesbianism in front of Emily in Skins. It's a rather awkward and painful sequence, as Katie thinks Naomi's gay (she's not - certainly at the time, and even by the end of the series she doesn't get past "confused"), while Naomi strongly (and rightly) suspects that Emily actually is gay, and Emily is nursing an epic crush on Naomi (which Naomi knows about, and isn't exactly pleased with until a couple of episodes later).
Naomi: So, Katie, you gonna be nice to me now we're Twister pals? I promise not to grab your minge and everything.Katie: Okay, ha ha. Hands off the muff and we're sorted.Naomi: Gotcha. No buffing the beaver.Katie: No groping the growler.Naomi: Don't tickle on my tinkle.Katie: Okay, I won't fluff up your flange.Emily: * hurt* You done?Katie: Yep. We're double done with the DNA dump.
- The autistic JJ also tends to launch into one of these whenever he gets locked on.
- One Opening Monologue of Mock the Week concerning a police officer who joined in on a couple having sex in their car straddled this and Hurricane of Puns very quickly indeed. And very well.
- The whole point of the Whose Line Is It Anyway? game, If You Know What I Mean.
- Da Ali G Show, about drugs:
Ali: We all know that it's called the bionic, the bomb, the puff, the blow, the black, the herb, the sensie, the cronic, the sweet Mary Jane, the shit, Ganja, split, reefa, the bad, the buddha, the home grown, the ill, the maui-maui, the method, pot, lethal turbo, tie, shake, skunk, stress, whacky, weed, glaze, the boot, dimebag, Scooby Doo, bob, bogey, back yard boogie. But what is the other terms for it?
- On Friends when one of Monica's prospective catering clients gets baked before coming to dinner.
Phoebe: In the cab on the way over, Steve blazed a doobie.
Phoebe: Smoked a joint, ya know, lit a bone, weed, hemp, ganja.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I know. Okay, I'm with you Cheech.
- The closing narrative for the Twilight Zone episode "Four O'Clock" features a string of euphemisms for Laser-Guided Karma:
"At four o'clock, an evil man made his bed and lay in it, a pot called a kettle black, a stone-thrower broke the windows of his glass house. You look for this one under 'F' for fanatic, and 'J' for justice...in the Twilight Zone."
- Corner Gas has an episode where Wanda uses several euphemisms for jail, confusing and annoying Brent.
- On Game of Thrones, when Tyrion is called to confess his crimes, he confesses that when he was twelve, "I milked my eel, I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage, I made the bald man cry." And he did it into his sister's stew.
- Sabrina the Teenage Witch when Zelda finds out that Morgan has been manipulating her and Hilda.
- Zelda: Hilda, we've been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led down the primrose path and shoved into a thicket of thorns.Hilda: Huh?
- In Scrubs, episode "My Brother, Where Art Thou?" (03x05) J.D. asks Dr. Cox for a favor. Reply is:
Good God in heaven, Newbie. There are just so very many ways for me to say this to you: Never. Not in a million years. Absolutely not. No way, Jose. No chance, Lance. Nyet. Negatori. Mm-mm. Nuh-uh. Uh-uh. And of course, my own personal favorite of all time, man falling off of a cliff. Noooooooooo!
- Some of David Letterman's Top Ten lists qualify. Example, "The Top Ten Mafia Euphemisms for Death":
10. Checked into the Wooden Waldorf.
9. No longer eligible for the census.
8. Dropping both AT&T and MCI.
7. Your highway taxes at work.
6. Upcoming guest on 20/20.
5. He's fallen and he can't get up.
4. Resting his organs.
3. McRibs (for a limited time only).
2. Kicked the oxygen habit.
1. Bought a Yugo.
- In the Psych episode "Santabarbaratown", when Shawn and Gus are interviewing someone connected to the case:
Ida: I wanted children.Gus: And he didn't?Ida: Let's just say they weren't in the cards for him.Shawn: Meaning what?Ida: His juice had no pulp. His seed wasn't fruitful. He was pouring decaf. Pumping unleaded. His Hall had no Oates. He was sterile!Shawn: Oh! Sure.
- In Who's the Boss?, Tony and Sam's grandfather are discussing the latter's incarceration, describing it as "Jail, the slammer, the big house, the joint."
- From The Big Bang Theory: "Does that include doing the cyber-nasty? You know, the virtual pickle-tickle, the digital Bow Chicka Wow Wow?"
- Almost Live!, Roscoe's Oriental Rug Emporium in the style of furniture store going out of business sale commercials.
- In one episode of MythBusters they attempt to see whether you can literally Polish the Turd, but they're not allowed to say the word turd, or crap, on the show. They give a Long List of the things they are allowed to call the substance in question, like "scat," "feces," "dung" and "poopies".
- Attempted in this Family Feud clip.
- In Angel, in the episode directly after Angel fires Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn.
Cordelia: What just happened? Can someone explain to me, what just happened here?Wesley: I believed we were fired.Gunn: Canned.Wesley: Let go.Gunn: Axed.Wesley: Shown the door.Gunn: Booted.Cordelia: All right, I get it.
- The Lois & Clark episode, "I've Got a Crush on You" when Lois is angry at Clark for revealing her cover for a story that she ended up writing herself:
Lois: Superman for example would not of cut me out of the story by ratting on me to the opposing team. It's a good thing I got myself back into the game and scored the winning touchdown.Clark: Well sometimes the quarterback has to fake a throw to his primary receiver in order to free up his secondary target.Lois: I'm really getting tired of fumbling around with all these football metaphors.Clark: Me too, I pass.Lois: Let's drop the ball, okay?Clark: Okay.
- When Ruthie pretends to be angry for Oscar in a Sesame Street episode, she says lots of synonyms for "angry".
Ruthie: "Oh, oh! You've made me so angry! You make me so furious!! You make me so mad! Stewed! Oh, I am enraged!! I am steamed! Oscar, Oscar, I am so sore at you I am blowing my top!!"Oscar: "I think she's swallowed a dictionary here."Ruthie: "Oh! Oh, Oscar, I'm losing my temper! I mean I am really fuming! Oh, ooh, I am boiling mad! I am also peeved and I am irked!! Oscar, I am seething!!!"Oscar: "Yeah, but are you angry?"Zoe: "Yes, yes, she is."
- Older Than Steam: the Elizabethan song "My Thing Is My Own" relates the words of a young maiden who is propositioned by men from all walks of life and and uses the language of the occupation of each to paraphrase his or her private parts like thus:A fine man of law did come out of the Strand To plead his own cause, with his fee in his hand.He made a brave motion, but that would not do. For I did dismiss him, and non-suit him too! A fine dapper tailor, with a yard in his hand, Did proffer his service to be at command. He talked of a slit I had above knee: But I'll have no tailors to stitch it for me!
- "Pound Sign #?* !" as sung by Kevin Fowler is an example of this. The whole song basically lists euphemisms for curse words the narrator is no longer allowed to say now that he has small children at home.
- Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" is basically a Hurricane Of Euphemisms, though he has the advantage in that he's not always describing a woman's backside.
- Singer Voltaire's "Sexy Data Tango" is one long string of this.
- Roy Zimmerman's song "Firing the Surgeon General" is a Hurricane Of Euphemisms for masturbation. (The title is a reference to Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired after proposing that frank discussion of the topic should be part of sex education.)
- A verse of the song "Bring On The Men" from Jerkyll and Hyde is made of this.
- "The Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang. That is all.
- In the same vein, by the same artist, "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo". It contains some of the most... interesting sex euphemisms you'll hear.
- In the same vein, by the same artist, "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo". It contains some of the most... interesting sex euphemisms you'll hear.
- 99 Words For Boobs
- Working Where the Sun Don't Shine (The Colorectal Surgeon's Song)
- The "Not Noël Coward Song" from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life is another Hurricane Of Euphemisms for the same organ.
Eric Idle as A Guy Who Is Totally Not Supposed To Be Noel Coward:
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to own a dong
It's swell to have a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick
from the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick!
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your percy or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons or you can stick it in your sock
But don't take it out in public or they'll put you in the dock
And you won't a-come a-back.
- Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. The entire song is made of euphemisms.
- The Barenaked Ladies have some fun with this in the aptly titled "Crazy":
The lights are on but nobody's home, my elevator doesn't go to the top
I'm not playing with a full deck, I've lost my marbles...
I'm a few bricks short of a load but then a full load always hurt my back
I flew over the cuckoo's nest and I'm never ever coming back...
- Queen's "I'm Going Slightly Mad" is filled with euphemisms for insanity in particular, the AIDS-related dementia Freddie Mercury was going through at the time.
- "Hide the Sausage" by Ivor Biggun is almost entirely composed of euphemisms for "penis" and "sexual relations", many of which are rather silly.
- Jellyfish's "He's My Best Friend" is one for the protagonist's private parts. Singer/songwriter/drummer Andy Sturmer said in an interview that the song was stylistically the band's "love letter to Harry Nilsson".
- "Hypocrite, four-flusher, snake in the grass, just a swindler, a wolf in sheep's clothing... LIAR!" — "All Is Forgiven"
- Lady Antebellum's oral sex song "Downtown" contains all kinds of euphemisms for female genitalia including "downtown", "door" and "uh-uh" which is also a slang term for sexual intercourse. The video also contains references to "donuts" and "sprinkles".
- At the 1:52 mark, Hillary Scott points to her crotch when she sings the line "I'm only counting on your cancellation, when I should be counting on you at my door" when she sings it live at the 2013 American Country Music Awards.
- Blue Man Group's "Shake Your Euphemism" is a song dedicated to listing off different terms for the buttocks. Some of them are... kind of weird.
- After an infamous Raw match from the tail end of 1997 where Triple H and Shawn Michaels put on a complete mockery of a European title match (really just a gag on Commissioner Slaughter), commentator Jim Cornette responds thusly:
Jim: It was a ruse! A ploy, a plot, a plan, a charade, a conspiracy, a sham! We've been conned, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flimflammed, had the wool pulled over our eyes, even!!
- On a certain 30s episode of the Kraft Music Hall pianist Rudolph Ganz tried to be as precise as possible when translating the title of a Claude Debussy piece.
Rudolph Ganz: "Port of the Wine," or "Door to the Wine," or tavern, or inn—
Bob Burns: Or gin-mill.
- The Now Show had a skit about the fact English has more euphemisms for penis than any other language. Hugh then goes through all of them. Twice.
- A John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme skit had someone warning John that his new employee was, well, John never figured that out, but euphemisms for it included "He parts his hair in the middle" and "He wouldn't thank you for punching him in the face", among many others. John said he wouldn't thank someone for punching him in the face either, and the other guy said that in that case, he was sure they'd get on very well.
- Dylan Moran does a brilliant routine in his 'Monster' DVD about how people use stupid euphemisms which there's no hope of guessing, where he enacts this conversation:
- "Well, you know what they say about John, anyway.""No I don't. Wh—what do they say?""Well, you know, apparently he's, uh, he's, you know, he's... [cocks leg]"I'm sorry, what are talking about?""You knoooow! If I have to spell it out, apparently he's... you know, still picking up twigs in the springtime. [raises eyebrows] Oh yes, one of Yul Brunner's hairdressers. Likes his toast done on three sides, yes."[Now exasperated] "What ARE you talking about?!"
- British stand-up comedian Jasper Carrott has a bit where he goes through an unfeasibly long list of euphemisms for sex, breasts and the penis. It is GENIUS.
- George Carlin had a great bit about this.
- He uses another one during his famous 7 Words You Can't Say on TV routine.
- In Fröken Fleggmans mustasch the death of one of the characters is greeted by a series of these by three of the other characters. Each time one of them uses a euphemism for dying the others respond "What?", as if not understanding what it means. In the end another character says "He is dead", to which they all respond "What?!" in great surprise. (The whole thing runs on Rule of Funny.)
- In the Cole Porter musical Du Barry Was A Lady, Du Barry and Louie have a duet that is literally NOTHING BUT this trope. For verse after verse.
"Are you fond of poker, dear? Kindly tell me if so.""Yes, I'm fond of poker, dear...but in the morning, no.""Do you ante up, my dear? Kindly tell me if so.""Yes, I ante up, my dear...but in the morning, no.""Can you fill an inside straight? Kindly tell me if so.""I've filled plenty inside straight...but in the morning, no."
- Older Than Steam: In The Merchant of Venice, Launcelot Gobbo uses a few unusual euphemisms to imply that his father was unchaste: "...for indeed, my father did something smack, something grow to, he had a kind of taste..."
- Lampshaded in The Complete History Of America Abridged:
Flush: I got you now, Diamond! You're dead meat. Your butt is mine. Your ass is grass. Your keister's cooked! Your heinie's history!
Spade: Calm down, Flush. I don't have time for a long list of rump references.
- In Dragon Age: Origins, if the female PC romances Alistair, one of Oghren's party banter conversations with Alistair in the party goes like this:
Oghren: So. With the boss, aye?Alistair: Pardon?Oghren: You and the boss. Rolling your oats.Alistair: I don't know—Oghren: Polishing the footstones.Alistair: —what you're—Oghren: Tapping the midnight still, if you will.Alistair: What are you going on about?Alistair: Are you just making these up right now?Oghren: Nope. Been saving 'em.
Isabela: So. How good is Donnic? Is he "cocksure"?Aveline: Just...get it out of your system.Isabela: Did he "curl your toes?", "dwarf your beard?", "Arl your Emon?", "caress your kitty?", "established his canon?", "put it in your peach?", "mastered your taint?", "satisfied the demands of your Qun?", or did he "cup your joining?"Aveline: Yes, all right, he's an incredibly proficient lover. Happy?
- Isabela's banter in Dragon Age II is full of these, especially with Merrill and Aveline.
"Feeling inadequate? Flag flying at half-mast? Does your soldier not stand to attention? Does your dwarf shy away from the Deep Roads? Come to Jorman's Apothecary and ask for our Special Sauce".
- Also from Dragon Age II, there's one advertisement for an apothecary received by mail:
- In Kingdom of Loathing, the monsters found at The Hole in the Sky are all constellations, mostly named after euphemisms for genitalia, because the Astronomers of the Times of Old were all incredibly immature. Potential opponents include The Burrowing Bishop, The Family Jewels, The Hooded Warrior, The Junk, One-Eyed Willie, The Pork Sword, The Skinflute, The Trouser Snake, The Twig and Berries, The Axe Wound, The Beaver, The Box, The Bush, The Camel's Toe, The Flange, The Honey Pot, The Little Man in the Canoe, and The Muff. The only monster than doesn't fit this theme is The Astronomer, because the Astronomers of the Times of Old were also incredibly egotistical.
- Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors. The Elevator Scene, which can be played here.
- Saints Row itself is practically a Hurricane Of Euphemisms for various sex-related subjects, but the most concentrated form is the radio-commercials for Freckle Bitches' (a fast-food chain that combines features of McDonalds and Wendy's), who expounds on their various menus including their large trademark burger, "The Fist", a two-burger menu called "The Twins", and their kiddie-meals, the Funbags, who comes with two jugs of your favorite juices, and a surprise — this week, for the girls, it's a genuine pearl necklace!
- Mara of Shin Megami Tensei games is extremely fond of this. Unsurprisingly, it all has to do with his unusual shape.
- Dr. Tran: Leland's grandma lets loose with a completely nonsensical string of euphemisms after Tran asks where she'll be taking them for her errands. The torrent of euphemisms lasts for an astonishing 35 seconds, and only about 1/4 of them actually relate to Tran's question.
Grandma: Oh, you know. Here and there. Out and around. Round and about. Hither and thither - to and fro, back and forth, up and down, in and out. Over-and-under, hippity-hoppity, round the corner over the river and through the woods, lickety-split, clocking the G's, grinding the ax, up to no good, nip in the bud, good 'n plenty, lollygagging around making the rounds painting the town red. Packing a load, hugging a tree skinnin' the dog skip to my loo sowing my oats passing a stone, shooting the breeze jumping the fence! Humping the horse dancing a jig spinning a yarn sipping the cider! Flexing the pecs lubin' my do packing the feed licking the chicken pinching the pennies! Do-si-do...
- A Cutaway Gag in the Strong Bad Email "environment" has Strong Bad typing up a Long List of euphemisms for the buttocks that are "Okay For Mom":
Strong Bad: Tuckus... hinders... bwathom... boontockle...
- The webcomic The Suburban Jungle:
"You're not interested in me at all?"
"Look, Leona, I'm gay, alright? A poofter. A complete nancy. In the game of love, I'm batting for the other team. I'm queerer than a three-dollar bill and a bigger fairy than Tinkerbell. I am, in short, totally ginger."
"Ha! Why don't you just admit it?"
"I thought I just did ...?"
"You're in love with Tiffany Tiger, aren't you?"
"Are you crazy? Is that your problem?"
- From Daisy Owl: Daisy's principal skates around saying "a sandwich with dog poop in it". In the Alt Text the author claims to have "1000 more of these phrases".
- In The Order of the Stick, we have one right here. "This is your junk..."
- In Sluggy Freelance, when someone's trying to tell to Bun-bun that he has to deliberately lose, a concept he has difficulty grasping since he normally never gives up.
"You give up the ranch. Blow a bundle. Take a dive. Vote Nader. Down the tubes. In the drink. Sing lead for Van Halen. It's all over but the crying. Stick your head up a..."(Bun-bun: "No, really, what are you trying to say?")
- Girl Genius: The Castle apparently wants to ensure the succession very quickly.
"Do you have a boyfriend?""A what?!""A boyfriend. A sweetheart. A swain. A beau. A lover. An intended consort. A fiance. A stud."
- From It's Walky!: Jason trying to give Joyce "The Talk", and these three strips from the chapter "Innuendo".
- Muertitos demonstrates.
- Questionable Content gives us this.
- Go Get a Roomie!: Troll's attempt to explain to Lillian that Roomie is in the back room engaging in lesbian sex here.
- Dave from Homestuck is all about elaborate euphemisms, but his countertrolling of Tavros stands out. The fun begins with "so at what point in the future am i supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankerin for my knob", and then proceeds through "throbbing beef truncheon", "crotch-dachshund", "naked spam porpoise", "little boy peckers" and "vienna sausages".
- For beheading in Bite Me!, many of which are actually historical.
- The humorous self-help video How to Hide an Unwanted Erection uses a lot of euphemisms, and ends like this: "Congratulations. You've tamed your trouser snake. Your love gun is firmly in its holster. Excalibur is back in its scabbard. Now you can approach any situation with confidence, safe in the knowledge that no one will be able to see your big, fat, throbbing penis."
- The Nostalgia Critic lets loose the Monty Python set on the page quote describing Johnny's death at the end of The Room.
Chester A. Bum: They just cut to the credits before anything else happened. What do you think they're doing!? She's taking off his sheep's clothing! He's riding her hood! She's blowing his house down! The better to eat her with! She's taking him to grandma's house! He's checking under her hood! Holy smokes, I could make a book of these.
- When J's boss in Misadventures Of Awkward Black Girl is going on vacation: "I want to know why the caged bird sings, I want to get my groove back, and I want the rainbow to be enuf. E-N-U-F." (the boss is known for her attempts to act black).
- Yahtzee, after swearing not to mention Lara's breasts at the beginning of a Tomb Raider review, finally fails to rein himself in and explodes into a long string of mammary-related euphemisms.
- What Yahtzee does for breasts, Jungle Recon from Action Figure Therapy does for penises in this video.
- One of the fake failed scenes of Huerfanos Electronicos (a Spin-Off of Calico Electronico) have Captain Torpedo saying a lot of the existing euphemisms for "penis" found in the spanish language.
- The Protectors of the Plot Continuum provide the Gay Weasel Sketch, taking cues from the Monty Python example.
“He’s GAY, Drake! And I don’t mean in the jovial sense! Queer as a three-dollar bill, bent as a threp’ny bit, camper than a row of tents, a bigger fairy than Tinkerbell, and gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide! Fag, fruit, invert, mariposa, call it what you will! H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L! He is, in short, totally ginger! Do you get it or would you like us to explain with a sock puppet show?!
- Professional Wrestling website Cageside Seats had a four-part review of Chyna's latest foray into wrestling, "Chyna is Queen of the Ring", which is filled to the brim with euphemisms and puns.
- SF Debris comes up with a Japan-themed one of these for one scene in Gojira, including sexually-charged references to katanas, cherry blossoms, several foodstuffs and Toyota.
- Matthew Santoro:
- In The Best Worst Pick Up Lines, Matt lists some pick-up lines which he says might work for his viewers. He gives the disclaimer, "Warning- these pick up lines may not result in you getting any of the: Punani, Poon-tang, Pink Taco, Gut Locker, Meat Purse, Fur Burger, Bearded Clam, Wizard's Sleeve, Yogurt Pot, Clown's Pocket, Hippo's Yawn, Harry Potter, Pooter, Snack that Smiles Back, Whisker Biscuit, Beef Curtain, Squish Mitten, or the Pink Velvet Sausage Wallet."
- In his "worst jobs" video, Matt mentions the sperm bank janitor, who picks up after people who are answering the bone phone, playing backstroke roulette, bludgeoning the beef steak, choking Charlie till he throws up, discharging dishonorably, playing the skin flute solo, doing the five-finger knuckle shuffle, participating in hand-to-gland combat, jerking the gherkin, jacking the beanstalk, milking the monkey, paddling the pickle, shining their helmet, playing tug-of-war with Cyclops, and/or whipping the dripper.
- Done in The Simpsons episode where Homer goes to a power convention with his coworker Mindy. At their hotel, the Bellhop says a bunch of words, onomatopoeia, and other sounds to hint that Homer and Mindy are going to have sex.
Bart: You know, kicked the bucket. Pulled the croak chain. Had a meeting with old Mr. Grim. The...Homer: BART!Bart: The dude died.
- This was done in an old Tracey Ullman short "The Funeral", when Bart explains to Lisa what "passed away" means.
- Also done in Family Guy's "Blue Harvest" episode. In a cut scene, Stewie, playing the part of Darth Vader, remarks on the "foul stench" line from Leia (Lois).
Stewie: Uh, sorry. That's me. I made a Darth Doodie. I Sithed my pants. My diaper's gone over to the dark side. I got pages of these, I could go on.
It's great to see ya back in your element tonight, surrounded by sea-men.Your dad was very brave back in south east Asia. He flew supplies in where others wouldn't dare to go. I can't tell you how many loads your dad took when I served with him.He'd walk into an army barrack and make every private there feel important. Yeah, he just knew how to stroke those privates.Your dad was cock of the walk, Glenn.Everyday at rifle training, he'd help me clean my butt.Your dad once drank me under the table.If there's one man you wanted in your hole, it was your dad.Quagmire: Okay! Stop! Stop! Everybody just stop!
- In "Quagmire's Dad", Quagmire isn't convinced that his father is gay, but hearing these statements from his father's Navy buddies doesn't reassure him.
- MOOOOOOJO JOJO, antagonist of The Powerpuff Girls, is known for this. It's sort of a Verbal Tic and it's notoriously difficult to translate.
- Tiny Toon Adventures: The end of the first short of 'The Acme Acres Zone' Episode, 'A Walk on the Flip Side', has this:
- Buster: Portrait of a spoiled brat getting a dose of his own medicine; hoisted by his own petard; receiving his just desserts; finding himself behind the 8 ball.Monty: You don't have to rub it in.
- In "Return to the Acme Acres Zone":
Babs: So you're a detective. A shamus. A sleuth. A P.I. A peeper.Buster: And you must be a thesaurus.
- This trope resulted in a bit of controversy in American Dad! episode Don't Look a Smith Horse in the Mouth.
- Roger: You're gonna have to do the horse chores...You have to brush the horse's coat and mane, water and feed it, then give it a full release. You know, give it a happy photo finish. Take the glue out of the factory. Spank his front butt. Grant him a bone loan!
- Used by two trolls in the Adventures of the Gummi Bears episode, "A Tree Grows In Dunwyn" after Gruffi tells them that the tree that contained the trolls' treasure was taken to the castle:
- Troll #1: Not the castle!Troll #2: We can't go back there!Troll #1: Jail!Troll #2: Prison!Troll #1: The cooler!Troll #2: The hoosegow!Troll #1: The pen!Troll #2: The slammer!
- Done with breasts in this Robot Chicken sketch.
- In Hey Arnold! with Grandpa Phil and his lifelong friend / rival Jimmy Kafka as they're both about to drown:
Grandpa: This is it Jimmy. The end. We're going to Davy Jone's Locker.Jimmy: Kicking the bucket.Grandpa: Buying the water farm.Jimmy: Checking out of the hotel of life.Grandpa: And checking into the hotel of death.Jimmy: The big round up.Grandpa: The last tango in Paris.Jimmy: "Last tango in Paris?" That's not an euphemism for dying.Grandpa: I know but it was my turn and I ran out of euphemisms and I didn't want to lose the game.
- In The Looney Tunes Show, Daffy panics when he and Bugs get thrown in jail:
"We're up the river! Down the creek! There's no 'i' in 'team'! You have to fight for your right to party!
- This is just one of Duckman's efforts.
- A Running Gag in the Garfield and Friends episode Sly Spy Guy:
W: That is it! I have had enough! Enough, I say! You, Double-Oh-Orson are fired!Double-Oh-Orson: Fired?W: Fired! Washed up, kaput, forcibly resigned, dismissed, discharged, you're out of here![later]The Weasel: Mr. Pinfeather, I have seen it with my own eyes! Double-Oh-Orson has been fired!Pinfeather: Fired?The Weasel: Fired! Axed, dismissed, let go, done![later]Pinfeather: Agent Double-Oh-Orson has been fired.Madame Lanolin: Fired?Pinfeather: Fired! Ousted, suspended, shelled, displaced![later]Pinfeather: I am so sorry to hear that you have been fired.Double-Oh-Orson: Fired?Pinfeather: Fired! Banished, bounced, defected, drummed out!
- From the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Nasty Patty"
Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!SpongeBob: Duped!Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
- In the House of Mouse episode, "Big House Mickey", when Mickey goes to jail, he calls Goofy to come and help him out of the big house.
Mickey: What took you so long?Goofy: Well, I went down to the big house and you weren't there. So I looked for ya over at the hoosegow and couldn't find ya. Then I tried the pokey, the pen, the prison, the cooler, the gulag, the brig, the can, the clink, the lockup, the rock, the convict castle, the criminal condo and even the grey bar hotel. Why didn't ya just tell me you were in jail?
- In the Looney Tunes short, "Hollywood Daffy", after Daffy Duck ruins a director's film by pasting together different films together, the producer who watches it ends up liking it.
Producer: Amazing! Marvelous! Stupendous! Colossal! Tremendous! Gigantic! Astounding! Unbelievable! Spectacular! Phenomenal! And it's good too.
- Drawn Together:
Ling-Ling: Please to show me bleasts?Xandir: What?Ling-Ling: Bleasts! Bleasts! You know, merrons, headrights, hootels, flied eggs, cleam puffs?Xandir: What?Ling-Ling: I said TAKE OFF SHIRT!
- In the Goofy short No Smoking, Goofy can't resit the urge to smoke and begs a man for some tobacco.
Goofy: Hey, mister! You got a cig? A fag? A pipe? Nail? Weed? Rope? Or chaw? Or cigar? Or snuff? Or...or anything?! Just ANYTHING!
- Benjamin Franklin's "Drinker's Dictionary" (published in 1737) lists dozens of euphemisms for being drunk.
- There's another guy who's collected hundreds.
- As noted under Live Action TV, the Parrot Sketch was referenced by John Cleese at the funeral of Graham Chapman.
- This notice◊ displayed on cages and enclosures at the San Diego Zoo.