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You Need to Get Laid

Someone strongly suggests to another to go out and do some dancing. And not just any dancing, something along the lines of the Horizontal Mambo. In other words, they need to find another release for their pent-up tension, if you know what we mean.

We mean sex.

Sometimes said from one friend to another, if they seem too engrossed in whatever. Similar to "You need a girlfriend/boyfriend," the standard response to geeks being geeky. Can be patronizing due to the implication that whatever is bothering the person is just because of their hormones and that simply humping another person will miraculously solve their ills and make them a better person to boot because Sex Is Good and what they're doing isn't. Can very easily carry a wide variety of unfortunate baggage.

A slight variation of the concept is, rather than just flat-out saying it, trying to hook them up with another person in the hopes that the above will occur on its own. Taken to the extreme can result in Pity Sex.

When the person literally needs to get laid, this is Mate or Die.

Compare Why Don't You Marry It?, Sex as Rite-of-Passage, Nerds Are Virgins and Intimate Psychotherapy. Contrast Did You Just Have Sex?.


Examples:

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    Anime and Manga 
  • Kyon suggests to Haruhi in Suzumiya Haruhi that finding a boyfriend might make her less of a Jerkass. The novels later suggest that Repressed Attraction helps a bit.
  • Quite a few people have told Kirihara this in the second season of Darker Than Black, since she's a little too devoted to trying to catch Hei.
  • In Fullmetal Alchemist, Maes Hughes helpfully says to Roy Mustang... "I suggest you find yourself a wife!" In a variation, this isn't because Roy needs to get laid. It's because, politically speaking, Roy's superiors would look on him more favorably if he were married as they all are, instead of going out with a different woman every night as he usually does. Of course, if they knew that all the "dates" Roy went on were actually his cypher for his alchemical notes, they would have a slightly different reaction.
  • Star Driver asks us all a very important question pertaining to Tetsuya's motorcycle enthusiasm: VIRGIN?
  • Haruka from Mai-HiME is constantly going around butting into everything. Everyone in the student body agrees she could use a boyfriend.
  • The Movie adaptation of RahXephon has a rare case of it actually working in action.
  • Implied by Sui Feng's Zanpakto, Suzumebachi, in the Zanpakto Rebellion filler arc of the Bleach anime, who states that she should just give up on Yoruichi and find a boyfriend.

    Comic Books 
  • Astonishingly, this was once said to Conan the Barbarian, of all people. In one of the later comics, Conan has been become the general of a rebellion against King Numedides of Aquilonia. A bit stressed, Conan has angrily chasing people out of his tent with threats of bodily harm. One of his allies suggests going into Messantia and finding a girl to bring on the road. This turns out to be a bad idea, as the girl he finds turns out to be a spy who poisons Conan. Fortunately, he survives.
  • The G-rated version happens in an issue of Marvel Adventures Avengers, when the Avengers are being diagnosed by Doc Samson. He writes in his notes on Spider-Man, "needs a wife." Good to know it's not just the fans who can't stand One More Day.
    • That sequence is taken from the X-Factor issues where Doc Samson examines the team. Wolverine makes a clever reference to Watchmen when he says his blot-test looks like "Some pretty flowers".
  • This page in the Elfquest series: And really. Rayek does need to get laid. Badly. With a non-evil woman.
  • Jesse Custer in Preacher has this realization about himself after a long-winded rant to his dog, after he hears about a watchdog group protesting Arseface's music career:
    Watchdog group MY ASS! Who do these self appointed little fucks think they are, anyhow? Goddamn bullshit artists with too much time on their hands goin' lookin' for trouble where there ain't none to begin with! I mean Jesus Christ, that's how P. fuckin' C. got started! Political correctness! "Yeah, we're a buncha east coast liberal assholes an' we are just SO concerned—except we ain't got the balls to take on any real problems so we're gonna invent some our own so's we can feel like we're doin' somethin'! We're gonna save the world by makin' sure no one ever says FAGGOT! I tell you Skeeter, that's the problem with this country today. We're better off'n anyone else in the damn world but we still ain't satisfied. We can't just be happy with who are an' what we got. You know who it reminds me of is. These BODY-PIERCIN' MOTHER FUCKERS. I mean what the hell're you trynna tell me, you need a fuckin' iron ring in your race or your tits or your ass to feel fulfilled or some shit like that? You ain't a INDIVIDUAL 'til you got a big iron bar shot through the enda your pecker? You need that shit to be sure of who you are? Jesus fuckin' Christ, if there's one goddamn thing I am CERTAIN of when I wake up in the mornin' IT'S WHO THE FUCK I AM!
    [beat]
    I really gotta get laid.
  • Ninjette once told this to Empowered.
  • When Peter David first started writing Aquaman, he quickly became a violent, snarky anti-hero... then he met Dolphin.
    Aquaman: You mean, all this time, THIS was all I needed..?
    Dolphin: If you're like any other man, yes.
  • Subverted in Kevin Smith's Green Arrow run where Ollie scolds Mia to quit the lewd jokes and head to school. Mia snarks back that she would have thought Ollie would be in a better mood after a night-long romp with Black Canary.
  • Clark's editor says this in Superman: Secret Identity, when suggesting his pieces might be less analytical and detached if he lived a little more.
  • This is a running joke for Spider Jerusalem in Transmetropolitan.
  • Scott Pilgrim: Wallace says this to Scott when he's moping around playing too many video games at the start of volume 6. Hilarity Ensues when Scott tries to take his advice.

    Fanfiction 
  • Pulled off brilliantly in the Naruto Peggy Sue fanfic Reload, where Sasuke-chan tells Itachi that he needs to get laid. Itachi listens, and sets off on an epic quest to get some, and isn't hesitant about telling people about it. Needless to say, this generates quite a few WTF?? reactions.
  • Shows up a lot in The History Boys fanfic: Scripps is celibate, and Dakin is always trying to get him to either get laid or even just have a wank.
  • Occurs frequently in Twilight fanfiction towards Edward (especially pre-Breaking Dawn, hur hur). In a typical set-up, Emmett and Jasper would rib Edward about being stuffy and uptight and accuse his virginity of being the root of the problem.
  • In Kyon Big Damn Hero, Shion commented to Keiichi that if his sister (Kyon's mother) went to a hotel once or twice a week she would be much happier.
  • In the Fanon of Neon Genesis Evangelion, it's very common to see a character in a fanfic, and a few fans, say that Hikari Horaki needs a good lay. Popular pairings in this event are usually her love interest, Toji or Shinji, who she really hasn't said more than a few words to throughout the entire series.
  • Something of a Running Gag in Athena Prime's Knights of the Old Republic fanfic After The Fall. Noura Den Hades (Revan) and Carth have sorted things out, they just haven't taken that particular plunge and things ranging from bad timing to Sith ghosts keep interrupting things.
  • My Friend, my Lover is an X-Men: Evolution fic playing that straight with Jean actually having medical problems due to lack of sex (Storm states mutants have a very high sex drive). She establishes a Friends with Benefits relationship with Scott. The change in both of them is rather unbelievable for their friends. So is the change in Logan after he hooks up with Storm.
  • In Life Left Behind Draco lives as a Muggle in New York. He works at a diner and one Friday, his best friend Joel shows up for his weekly 'you need a life' chat, which includes a discussion about the fact that Draco hasn't gotten laid in too long. What Joel doesn't know is that Harry, who is the ex that Draco has been pining after for ten years, happened to show up at the diner right before and can hear the whole conversation. Hilarity (and a bit of drama) ensues.
  • Imagine a property where you have an extreme bookworm and a godlike yet mischievous teacher. Imagine a fandom more than happy to dive into Rule34 like, say, the internet. Yes, there are some fics (the one linked to here is from a side-story to 'Progress') from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic that go here. Usually the recipient's response is a request for Brain Bleach.
    • Celestia went the extra mile in the Progress side-story. She tells Luna this, and then gathers four of her guards to assist her (which Luna turned down). Oddly, it wasn't because of Luna being uptight, but because of her being naive.
    • Another My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanon example: My Little Castlevania features a scene in which Spitfire attempts to push Shatterstorm and RainbowDash together.
    Spitfire: This is Shatterstorm we're talking about here! Dude needs a girlfriendstat!
  • In Hogyoku Ex Machina, Ichigo gets told this word-for-word by his hollow self since he's severely weakening himself in order to not be a Poisonous Person (it came with his Physical God status) and he's a Chick Magnet anyway, so why waste it? Ichigo's so embarrassed and adverse to the idea that the hollow turns to Zangetsu and asks, "He's not gay, right? I'd know if he was gay."
  • In a parody of the second Spider-Man movie, Peter doesn't get why Harry is so obsessed with avenging a father who constantly looked down on him. "You either need therapy or a blowjob, and I don't own any kneepads."
  • In Hunting The Unicorn, the Warblers constantly ridicule how sugary and chaste Blaine is with Kurt, but in the twelfth chapter, the trope gets inverted in the worst way possible. Blaine did, in fact, get laid—when he was sixteen, and was implied to have thought Sex Equals Love while the other guy... didn't. Blaine's older brother did not take it well. In short, getting laid is why Blaine's so uptight.
  • My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fanfic Whispers has Celestia give Arcanus an academic task to study love - essentially a G-rated version of this trope. His mother finds the idea hilarious, then proceeds to very much encourage it.
  • Also, in Fallout: Equestria It's revealed in flashback that PINKIE PIE! of all people says this verbatim as advice to Applejack. Of course she said this as explanation as to why she kept pranking AJ as "encouragement." By that point, the Great War was waging and it's psychological toll was weighing on the advised party heavily. As it was on all of them, AJ was just the worst at hiding it.
  • In one story of the Facing The Future Series, Danny and Sam comment that Tucker needs a girlfriend after he pulls a Moment Killer on them.
  • Naruto Potential Realised has a bit of fun with this trope:
    Naruto: "So you're basically saying, that my getting laid can have a direct result on my performance on missions?"
    Shizune: "Yes. How do you think Jiraiya-sama is such a successful shinobi? It's a well known fact Jiraiya holds the current record of completing the most missions out of all Konoha shinobi."
    Naruto: "You're fucking with me ain't ya?"

    Film 
  • In Babel, a Japanese deaf-mute girl named Chieko, after losing a volleyball match, gets this "suggestion" from a team-mate in order to end her bad mood. Chieko's response is priceless: "I'm gonna fuck your dad to get rid of my mood." And all of this in Japanese sign language, mind you.
  • In City of God, the cool-headed Benny tells his volatile friend Lil Z'e, "you need a girlfriend."
  • In the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, after Will Turner reveals that he made all the swords in the blacksmith's shop and constantly trains with them, Jack Sparrow quips that he needs a girlfriend. He later decides Will is a eunuch, and it becomes a Running Gag.
  • The opening of Dogma, albeit with a lot more thought put into it than in most cases: "You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes."
    • And on the villains' side, when one of the sexless fallen angels is going on a rampage, "This is just eons of repression getting purged. If only they'd let us jerk off, you know?"
    "Our last week on earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid."
  • Robin Williams to the sergeant major in Good Morning Vietnam, "You are in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history."
  • In the movie Little Big League, a 12-year-old inherits a pro baseball team. There's a scene in which, after he takes a bunch of crap from the players because he is a kid, he goes and gives the team a furious dressing down in which he reminds them that he is the boss and can fire every one of them. After he storms off one player turns to another and says "That kid needs a woman!"
  • Said by one of Andy's neighbors at the start of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. If it isn't obvious, it's pretty much Andy's goal throughout the movie, too (or at least it's everyone else's goal for him).
  • Lucy Diamond, the lesbian supervillain in the film D.E.B.S. is told outright by her comrade right at the start of the film that she's trying to take over the world, destroy Australia etc etc because she doesn't want to face her own intimacy issues. The entire basis of the film is what happens when he sets her up on a blind date with a lesbian Russian assassin.
  • Swingers is pretty much all about Trent trying to get Mike laid so he'll get over a breakup.
  • Similar to the show below, one of the lighter moments of The Last Airbender has Iroh suggest that Zuko meet a girl while in Fire Nation Colony 15.
  • Jason's parents to Jason in Mystery Team.
  • In American Beauty, Annette Bening's character notes to herself after she has sex, "That was exactly what I needed."
  • In Moon, Sam Bell says this to his computer companion, GERTY. "You think too much, pal. You need to get laid."
  • In Nobodys Fool, Paul Newman's character says to the officer giving him a ticket, "Boy, I hope you get laid sometime soon."
  • Gone with the Wind speaks of kissing but everyone can tell that's not what it's talking about.
    Rhett: You need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.'

    Literature 
  • Vorkosigan Saga:
    • Near the beginning of Lois McMaster Bujold's novel Brothers In Arms, Elli tells Miles "I don't think I've ever seen a human being who needs to get laid worse than you do right now." The Unresolved Sexual Tension between them means he's not sure if she's coming on to him or just giving him advice...
    • Bujold likes this trope. It shows up in Barrayar as well: "Cordelia pictured some under-staffer confiding to Kou: 'Yeah, let's let the Old Man get laid, maybe he'll mellow out...'"
    • And then there's A Civil Campaign. The entire main cast know that they all need to get laid, but knowing that doesn't help matters one bit. Plus, apparently having your staff want your sex life to improve for their sake is hereditary to Vorkosigans: Kareen imagines a similar line about the Old Man's son, "For God's sake, can't somebody please get the little git laid, before he drives us all as crazy as he is?" And then there's "What sex? There hasn't been any sex. Dammit. Or this would all seem a great deal more worthwhile. I haven't gotten to kiss the woman yet!"
  • In The Lies Of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, the titular character is hopelessly in love with a woman who's a thousand miles away (and may or may not reciprocate), who he'd rather be miserable over than happy with anybody else—and that's a quote. Early on, two of his friends (read "adoptive family") tell him that he should just go to a brothel before he drives himself crazy. They almost come to blows over it.
    • Later in the novel, Locke finally decides to take his friends' advice...but he's still stuck on Her, and therefore he can't perform. He does get an excellent massage and some calming advice from a rather understanding prostitute, though.
  • One of the media tie-ins for the TV series Twin Peaks was a book collecting excerpts from Agent Dale Cooper's life-long diary entries. At one point while in college, a friend tells the tightly-wound Cooper that he "needs to get laid in the worst way." The friend then goes on a date that ends with him in the hospital in a full-body cast. Cooper then comments in his diary this must be the worst way to get laid.
  • Pride and Prejudice: Mr. Collins cannot emphasize enough to the Bennets the urgency with which Lady Catherine insisted he get married...
  • In Tanya Huff's Summon the Keeper, the titular Keeper can't get anyone to believe that there's an imp making trouble in her boarding house. She finally has evidence when it writes on her mirror in lipstick, but when she realizes that it's written "Somebody needs to get laid" she can't bring herself to show it to her housemates. (One would have died of embarrassment, the others would have loudly agreed with the imp).
  • Frankenstein's Monster says if he can get laid by a mate of his own kind, he'll stop killing and get out of his maker's hair for good. Frankenstein starts creating a female so his creation can get laid, but then destroys it after pondering "What if she's worse, and their offspring are even more worse than them?" The fact that the Monster didn't say anything about reproducing never crossed his mind.
    • In the Sequel Series by Dean Koontz, the New Race (essentially version 2 or 3.0 that followed on from the monster) can get laid, but that's all they can do. They cannot feel intimacy (by design). It works about as well as you'd think.
  • In the end of Quicksilver, Daniel Waterhouse is told by John Wilkins of the Royal Society "You need to tend to your own faults, young fellows: excessive sobriety... undue chastity. Let's back to the tavern!" They get him roaring drunk and cut out the bladder stone which is slowly killing him.
  • The Epic of Gilgamesh: Really, that's Enkidu's whole problem. All alone in the woods all his life, no wonder he's cranky. Six days later, problem solved!
  • At the beginning of Yendi, Loiosh says this to Vlad, which is very confusing to people who read the series in publication order since Vlad was happily married in Jhereg, and is a big hint that Yendi takes place before Jhereg.
  • Towards the end of Eclipse, Bella Swan from Twilight gets rather desperate for some action with Edward. When they finally satisfy that need in Breaking Dawn, Edward notes that it seemed that sex was the key to getting her to be agreeable...
  • In the Night Huntress books, Bones gives the bigoted and tightly wound Justina a cynical look and says, "You're in desperate need of a good shag." Her daughter is too speechless to defend her...because she's often had the same thought about her mother.
  • A Song of Ice and Fire: Tyrion Lannister has this opinion of his nephew King Joffrey. At one point, he actually discusses options with his adviser to get Joffrey away from his bodyguard so they can take him to a brothel (whether or not he's serious is anyone's guess).
  • In a bit of Unfortunate Implications in The Hollow Man by John Dickson Carr, Dr Gideon Fell recalls a time he was chairing a debate on women's rights:
    "... You were on the side for Women's Rights, Miss Grimaud, and against the Tyranny of Man. Yes, yes. You entered very pale and serious and solemn, and stayed like that until your own side began to present their case. They went on something awful, but you didn't look pleased. Then one lean female carried on for twenty minutes about what woman needed for an ideal state of existence, but you only seemed to get madder and madder. So when your turn came, all you did was rise to proclaim in silvery ringing tones that what woman needed for an ideal existence was less talking and more copulation. Or perhaps you didn't say copulation."
    • Later in the book, Fell's assistant suggests that she should have taken her own advice.
  • Zavahl, former Hierarch of Callisoria in Maggie Furey's Shadowleague trilogy, experiences a complete change of personality after finally getting laid.
  • Curse of the Wolfgirl gives us this wonderful soundbite between Malveria and Thrix:
    "Your body cries out for sex"
    "No it doesn't"
    "Well it should!"
  • Several people in The Wheel of Time series have this view about the Whitecloaks. From Towers of Midnight, chapter 30:
    "The Whitecloaks are a tight-lipped group, my Lady, but they are still men. Men who haven't seen a woman in a while, I think. That always makes them lose what few brains they have."
  • In Harry Potter, when Ginny and Ron get into a fight about Ginny's dating life, she says:
    "If you went out and got a bit of snogging done yourself, you wouldn’t mind so much that everyone else does!”
  • During the "off again" phases of the "on again, off again" relationship between Stephanie Plum and sometime boyfriend Morelli, Lula frequently complains that Stephanie is a lot easier to get along with during the "on again" phases than during dry spells.
  • In The Wise Man's Fear Elodin says this to one of his students after the latter tells him a long and complex bit of trivia:
    "Uresh. Your next assignment is to have sex. If you do not know how to do this, see me after class."
  • In Mercedes Lackey's Sacred Ground, the protagonist's grandfather reminds her of the importance of the "Osage blanket ritual" to relieve stress. A few chapters later, she decides to take the advice.
  • In Greg Bear's Eon, at one point one of the scientists investigates an asteroid confesses that he can't think clearly. One of his female colleagues suggests he needs to get laid. In a rare case for this trope, she proceeds to lock herself into the room with him, and undress.
  • In the prologue to Academ's Fury, of the Codex Alera series, a knight visiting the First Lord notes that the First Lord is looking haggard, and recommends, repeatedly, that he get himself a concubine or something to take the edge off.
  • In The Dresden Files book White Night, after the book's climax, Lara Raith, a White Court vampire, attempts to feed on Harry, but ends up getting burned by The Power of Love, which has been protecting Harry since his last encounter with his former girlfriend, four years previously. note  As soon as she realizes Harry is still protected, Lara remarks that while she immensely respects Harry, she finds a man as powerful and attractive as him not getting any for four years to be immensely sad.
  • What Sam Temple (GONE series) thinks his sanctimonious, holier than thou ass girlfriend needs in PLAGUE. She does not take it well, quite understandably.
  • Rob says this about Barry in High Fidelity: of the three people who work in the record store, Barry is easily the most obsessively nerdy (not to mention the loneliest).

    Live-Action TV 
  • Frasier: This strikes all of the cast members at least once in the series.
    • Frasier tends to suffer this the entire series. In the appropriately named episode "Frasier Gotta Have It", when he earns a sexual fling with nutty artist Caitlin, Roz asks him an important question:
      Roz: For as long as I've known you, you've been complaining about your lack of a sex life. Suddenly, you have one. So why are you still complaining?
    • Niles in "Look Before You Leap" is tantalized by Maris' rare offer of sex that he starts hitting on every female he sees, including Roz.
    Frasier: It’s high time you and Maris sat down and talked through your problems.
    Niles: (excited) She doesn’t want to talk. When she says “get together” she means in the “You wear the crème fraiche, I’ll lick it off” sense. She’s cleared her schedule from seven till seven-thirty, that means foreplay AND cuddling!
    • Roz in "Crock Tales" bemoans her lack of a sex life.
    Roz: Used to be I’d go out and get a little wild on my birthday. Now I go out and get a little dinner.
    Frasier: There’s nothing wrong with dinner.
    Roz: I know, but it used to come with sex.
    Daphne: Oh, come on, Roz, sounds like you need a drink.
    Roz: Oh, that used to come with sex, too.
    • Daphne has a ton of dry spells; once it was the plot to "The Matchmaker", in which Frasier connives to introduce her to the new KACL station owner, who, unbeknownst to Frasier or Daphne, is gay.
    • Inverted in one episode where Frasier has for once cheerfully accepted being single and just decided to roll with it for a while... prompting everyone else to decide they need to set him up out of concern. Their efforts inevitably just make things worse, but he ends up meeting a nice lady (ironically the woman Niles tried to set him up with) completely by accident.
  • Kochanski to Rimmer in Red Dwarf, "Rimmer, have sex with someone. And that's an order."
  • The early The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode "Homeboy, Sweet Homeboy" manages to skate just past the radar with this in regards to an old friend from the streets of Will's who drops by and falls for Hillary, lessening her snobby attitude.
    Will: Ya see? I remember when Hilary used to walk around the house all sour and stuff. It's like I always said, "That girl just needs a good fu-riend," Aunt Viv.
  • Star Trek: Enterprise:
    • In the episode "A Night In Sickbay," Phlox questions whether his dog's illness is what's really bothering Captain Archer, and asks him, "How long has it been since you were intimate with a woman?"
    • The opening scene of "Fallen Hero" has T'Pol recommending shore leave on Risa, because crew efficiency has gone down 3% due to a lack of sexual activity. On the other hand, the sexual tension could be caused by a certain Vulcan walking around in her catsuit.
  • On Angel, Cordelia comments that if it were anyone other than the title character, she would say he needed to get laid. Unfortunately, Angel sometimes turns into an evil serial killer when he gets laid.
    • The episode after this proves Cordy is right — Angel has sex with Darla and rather than turning evil, overcomes his Despair Event Horizon and gets back together with his friends.
    Gunn: "So, you had an epiphany, did you? So, what you just wake up and 'bang'?"
    Angel: (smirking) "Well, it was sort of the other way around."
  • In the season 2 finale of Buffy, Principal Snyder finds Buffy in the middle of a crime scene, and expels her. After she pulls out a giant sword, Buffy subtly insinuates this to Snyder.
    Buffy: You never got a single date in high school, did you?
    Snyder: Your point being?
    • When Buffy turns invisible in season 6, Xander goes to Spike to discuss the situation and walks in on them having sex. Spike claims he's exercising and, possibly out of denial, Xander accepts it.
    Xander: Exercising. Butt naked. In bed. You know, jokes aside, you really should get a girlfriend.
    • Then there's the time Andrew freaks out over Willow wanting to kill him to Xander and Anya. They're not sympathetic, and the numerous Star Wars references do not help:
    Xander: You've never had any tiny bit of sex, have you?
    • A variation during the final conflict of Season 6. Dark Willow says "Oh Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked", but says it in the same way someone might say "You need to get laid."
  • In Season 3 episode 5 of Charmed, Piper's response to Prue's obsession with catching the Triad is "We really need to get her laid, huh?"
  • Season three House episode "The Jerk" has its unlikeable teenaged patient delivering a rather eloquent version of this trope, telling his mother: "Get yourself coited."
  • Nick Stokes on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation once told assistant coroner David that he needed a girlfriend, only to have David reply "I'm engaged—but thank you."
  • An episode of Mash had half the camp desperate to get Margaret to Tokyo and her new husband, because she was making everyone miserable. And upon returning was sweet and peaceful as a dove, to the point of ignoring insults from Hawkeye and BJ;
    "She's no fun when Donald is relaxed!"
  • Glenn gets accused of this in The Thick of It.
  • September 30, 2009, Chris Rock appeared on Oprah Winfrey's show promoting a new movie that promised to reveal the "secrets" of African American women's hair. Viewers were not happy. When he re-appeared on the show he was read a letter from "Shirley" with the following excerpts: "It is not necessary to let every white woman know all that we do to compete and be accepted today." "White women know black men love to run their hands through silky smooth hair, and they will use this knowledge to take our men." His response "Shirley Shirley Shirley... Shirley needs a man!"
  • Mitchell does this to George in the first few episode of Being Human upon learning he hasn't had sex since his transformation into a werewolf over two years ago.
  • Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother believes that every international conflict boils down to sexual tension. Crisis in the Middle East? Gaza Strippers! Apartheid? Apart thighs! The Cold War? Mr. Gorbachev, take down those pants!
  • Doctor Who, "The Eleventh Hour": The Doctor to Amy's friend Jeff when he borrowed Jeff's laptop and opened it.
    "Blimey! Get a girlfriend, Jeff!" and later, "Delete your Internet history."
  • Rizzoli & Isles: Frost says this to Korsak after Korsak geeks out over a victim's expensive sailboat.
  • In an episode of JAG Commander Rabb tells Commander Turner that the sooner Turner gets with somebody, the sooner he'll lighten up.
  • Used indirectly in The Closer; a US army major, after dealing with Brenda, remarks that she needs to get laid. While in her murder room, to her husband. He naturally replies that that's not what's wrong with her.
  • Farscape: When Crichton's wormhole-controlling-block stops him from fixing the problem in the series finale, Chiana invokes this trope:
    Chiana: Sex does it.
    D'Argo: For you.
    Chiana: For everyone. Sex.
    John: With you? Or with him?
    Chiana: Whatever.
  • On BBC Panel Show The Bubble, Reginald D. Hunter to David Mitchell (after yet another of the latter's peeved-about-a-technicality rants): "After this, let's go and get you a girlfriend."
  • In season 2 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Bambi, Belle's protegee, says this to her, despite the fact that she's working as a prostitute, with the implication being that she needs to get laid in a non-professional capacity.
  • Primeval:
    Connor: Becker is really not gonna be happy with you.
    Danny: Why?
    Connor: That was his favorite gun.
    Danny: We need to get him a girlfriend.
  • In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Captain's Holiday," Riker sends this message to Picard in a very Getting Crap Past the Radar way: he asks Picard to buy him a Horga'hn statuette, but "forgets" to mention that displaying it indicates that one is the in the market for "jamaharon." Unfortunately, his scheme is foiled when Picard proves that, even on Risa, it's possible to avoid having sex if you just act surly enough.
  • In one episode of Scrubs, after Carla and Turk discover J.D. is staring at them making out, Carla, word-for-word, asks J.D., "When's the last time you got laid?"
  • An interesting variation happens in an episode of Glee. Those of the boys who have girlfriends who won't sleep with them figure out that using mental images of their football coach is a very effective way of cooling down when making out. Of course, Coach Bieste finds out about it, and gets so upset that she quits her job (turns out she is really insecure about her looks). In the resulting discussion about how the guys didn't mean to upset her, in fact they like her and she basically saved the football team from failure and humiliation, Santana comes to the conclusion that if everyone would just get laid, the school would have a winning football team.
  • Game of Thrones: Tyrion and Bronn think this might help smooth out some of Joffrey's "rough edges," at least temporarily. Unlike their book counterparts, they send a couple of prostitutes to Joffrey's bed chamber as a birthday present. Unfortunately, they didn't count on Joffrey's taste for violence extending to sex (though his actions are at least partly motivated by his resentment of Tyrion, giver of the gift).
  • A subplot in the fifth season of Bones involved Angela attempting to remain celibate for 6 months, thinking that she needs to connect to people in a non-sexual way. She becomes increasingly erratic, to the point where, in the episode "The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken" she becomes obsessed with saving a baby piglet from being slaughtered for meat. Team psychiatrist Sweets finally tells her that her perspective is becoming skewed and advises that she should cancel her celibacy experiment.
  • In Carnivàle, Stumpy tells Jonesy that he needs to get laid, then tells him a story about a man he knew whose testicle exploded with a "pop" after he didn't have sex for two years.
  • Celebrity Deathmatch: Fabio tells Bono "You need to get laid, my friend."
  • Babylon 5: In "Rumors Bargains and Lies", Sheridan is sitting off to his side in the dining room, giggling manically to himself while the rest of the crew observes during the breakfast. They figure that he's acting like that because Delenn has been away for a few weeks, and figure he's just gonna get worse.
  • Sherlock gives this advice to Joan in the second episode of Elementary.
  • A Running Gag on The Golden Girls , usually directed at Dorothy.
  • In the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. episode "Repairs", Sky comments to Ward that May needs to get laid. Ward manages to hide his reaction, given that we saw earlier in the episode that he knows for a fact she did it with him.
  • In Emily Owens, M.D., several people think that Emily needs casual sex to relieve stress.

    Newspaper Comics 

    Stand-up Comedy 
  • In Bill Maher's Biblically Incorrect (just after the 2008 US elections) he says that when homophobia is a bigger issue than terrorism, America needs to get laid.

    Theater 
  • In Gypsy, June and Louise both sing "If Mama Was Married," which is basically them dreaming about what life would be like if their mom would stay married, calm down, and leave them be.
  • Toward the end of Much Ado About Nothing, Benedick, having finally surrendered to marrying Beatrice, turns to Don Pedro (who engineered the match) and quips, "Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife."
    • As catalogued in Get Thee to a Nunnery, Shakespeare used lines like this quite often in his plays, but language has changed since then.
  • In One Touch of Venus, when Molly spots Savory sulking, she advises him: "A girl on the couch is worth two on the mind!"

    Video Games 
  • In Final Fantasy V, a milder variation occurs in Gilgamesh's Final Speech:
    Gilgamesh: And you, Faris! You must fall in love, or something, and try to act a little like a woman — if you still know how!
  • The Ant uses the E-rated version ("We've got to get this guy a girlfriend") towards Tombstone in Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich. Of course, Tombstone is dead, having been falsely accused for the murder of his wife and executed in the electric chair, only to be resurrected as a wrathful specter by a dose of Energy X.
  • Niko Bellic tells the creepy, sadistic serial killer and rapist Eddie Low that he needs to get laid. He just has... a dead jogger down by the docks. Squick.
  • This is Sandra's solution to pretty much every problem Phoenix tells her in Culpa Innata.
    • Phoenix doesn't always disagree. This is a Free-Love Future, after all. Marriage is eliminated in the World Union, and immigrants are cautioned never to expect faithfulness from their sexual partners.
  • Keiji from Sengoku Basara enjoys teasing Chaste Hero Yukimura about his non-existent love life. By the third game, however, Keiji flat out tells Yukimura he should settle down and get married already. (Note that Yukimura is only 17.)
  • In Saints Row: The Third, the Protagonist tells Kinzie that s/he is liking the new Remote Control Gun that she has made. When she tells the Protagonist that she got bored and threw it together one night, the Protagonist says exactly this to her. Her response? Electronics are good for that too.
  • Mass Effect 3: Shepard can tell an un-romanced Garrus that he really needs a date, before serving as wingman. Since Garrus thinks "Come here often? I imagine anyone who does is probably an alcoholic" is the ultimate in pick-up lines, Shepard's services are badly needed.

    Webcomics 
  • For a brief while, this was a joke concerning Emily on the Misfile forums. This became Harsher in Hindsight when it was later revealed that she had already had sex before.
  • The Order of the Stick:
    • The "Treasure Type O" quote is spoken to Miko Miyazaki, after she takes her Knight Templar-ness to Lawful Stupid levels.
    • This seems to be the fan consensus on Redcloak, the Big Bad's Dragon. Redcloak's brother tries to arrange a date for him in Start of Darkness, which didn't work. Right-eye seemed to hope that hooking Redcloak up with a nice, intelligent goblin chick would encourage him to settle down and focus more on living a normal life than building the goblin utopia. Redcloak's problem isn't so much sexual frustration as not being able to admit his mistakes. One of the things driving his inexcusable behavior was his dedication to "the Plan."
      Xykon: You'll obey me forever now, because I give you an excuse for your inexcusable behavior.
    • Although, he was actually considering it after he and Right-Eye break the Monster in the Dark out of a circus... it just gets derailed when Xykon shows up and gets him focused on the Plan again.
  • Questionable Content:
    Faye: I like plottin' downfalls. They make me feel... tingly.
    Dora: We have GOT to get you laid.
  • Girl Genius:
    • This is implied to be part of Gil's ever increasing stress. Of course, trying to balance the needs and desires of his love interest and his father, dealing with the Jagers, and taking on an entire army of Steam Punk Spider Tanks also contribute to his blood pressure.
    • Inverted here, when the baron suggest Gil has to marry so he stops sleeping with any willing woman he encounters.
    • In the Cinderella theater break, Zeetha tells Agatha "We'd better get you playing with the princes' tool belts quick". Agatha is more excited by the straight sense than she would have been if she understood what it meant.
  • Shortpacked! suggests all of the problems in Star Wars could have been avoided this way.
    • Applied to one of the actual cast members here.
  • Viciously parodied here.
  • "... and that's when I bought the horse a prostitute."
  • In The Dreamer, Alan gets told this by Col. Knowlton, and even gets furlough papers so he can marry Beatrice.
  • In Arthur, King of Time and Space, Croisette says this to Lancelot.
  • Kaley gets this a bunch at the beginning of Geminni.
  • Subtly but heavily subverted at length by Ménage à 3. At the start, virgin geek Gary wants to get laid, and his friends generally agree that, sure, that'd be good for him — though they tend to have their own ideas about who and how. Then, after hundreds of strips, Gary gets laid. It introduces a whole new set of plotlines. But amazingly enough, it makes no detectable difference to Gary's personality.
  • In When She Was Bad, Anna says this to Villain Protagonist Gail. Gail actually agrees with her.
  • Subverted in Full Frontal Nerdity, here.
    Nelson: He so needs a girlfriend.
    Shawn: So he might be a little more stable?
    Nelson: So he'd be someone else's problem.
  • In El Goonish Shive, Justin invokes this on himself here.
  • Between Failures: Thomas to Nina in this comic. Somewhat of a subversion, as Nina is not all that repressed and is actually quite cheerful and nice. But she DOES seem to have an unhealthy interest in the relationship of her two best friends (especially since she was the one who kept trying to get them together even before it happened.)

    Web Original 

    Western Animation 
  • In Family Guy:
    • In the episode "To Love and Die in Dixie", Stewie says about Meg: "She needs to get laid, big time."
      • Given that the line came on the heels of Meg talking about her imaginary boyfriend and the various gifts he gave her before running off in tears... yea, pretty accurate assessment.
    • In "Leggo my Meg-O", when Meg goes to Paris, Stewie says to her: "Don't worry about me, just get yourself laid."
  • In an episode of Aladdin: The Series, Aladdin says that Mozenrath "needs a girlfriend."
  • The Simpsons:
    • "He really needs to get a girlfriend," spoken by Moe of Barney after the latter goes especially bonkers in a parody of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
    • In "You Kent Always Say What You Want", Ned Flanders is watching tv just for the sake of finding offensive things to complain about, and sees Kent Brockman's earlier broadcast (where he swore on the air) and the following conversation ensues:
    Rod Flanders: What are you doing, daddy?
    Ned Flanders: Imploring some people I never met to pressure a government with better things to do to punish an innocent man for doing something that nobody saw. That's what I'm doing!
    (Rod and Todd exchange a worried look)
    Rod Flanders: Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.
    Ned Flanders: First things first!
  • Avatar: The Last Airbender :
    • Katara tells Sokka that he "wouldn't be so bossy if [he] kissed a girl." This is rather prophetic, as Sokka ends up being responsible for one of the most infamous examples of Getting Crap Past the Radar in that series two seasons later.
    • Iroh likewise suggest that Zuko needs to pick up a chick on more than one occasion. Zuko likewise wound up in some radar-skimming scenes with Mai two seasons later.
  • In one scene in The Critic Jay and Marty are in a lab that tests makeup on animals, and Jay looks at a rabbit wearing makeup and says in a very flirty tone, "Well hello, you wascawwy wabbit." Marty pulls him away and says, "Dad, you gotta start dating!"


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