Quotes: You Need to Get Laid

Jack: Who makes all these [swords]?
Will: I do! And I practice with them three hours a day!
Jack: You need to find yourself a girl, mate.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Kochanski: Rimmer?
Rimmer: Yes Ma'am?
Kochanski: Have sex with someone, and that's an order.
Rimmer: Yes Ma'am, right away.
Lister: (Handing Rimmer a business card) Here, ring this number, say I sent you, tell them it's an emergency.

"That Kaiba kid needs to get laid."

"Ninety-nine percent of the trouble in the world is caused by unmarried men."
Schulz, Duel of Honor

"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."
Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind

"You don't have any place to channel all that adolescent frustration boiling inside you. Isn't that what's really fueling all this impulsive behaviour? Snap out of it. Go find yourself a good-looking guy and let him walk you home from school. Heck, go see a movie with him on Sunday or something."
Kyon, Haruhi Suzumiya

"I really didn't come here looking to fight you... but if it's some one-on-one you want, I hear you have a great red light district."
Maeda Keiji, Sengoku Basara anime

"Still, a man like you and it's been four years. I have immense personal respect for you, wizard, but that's just....sad."
Lara Raith, White Night

Lady Macbeth: My plan will work! Macbeth just needs to screw his courage to his sticking place!
Lady Macbeth: (gasps)
Sassy Gay Friend: Yeah. I said it. Because, sister, you need a hobby or an orgasm, stat.

Jubilee: I mean, even if Scott and Jean have been having sex all this time, I don’t see how it hurts anybody. Hell, I can see some benefits to it!
Bobby: Yeah, maybe that was why they were so uptight to begin with! They just needed to get laid!

#228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.

"Life is short. If you have not made love recently, please, put down this book, and take care of that with all haste. Find a wanton lass or a frisky lad, or several, in whatever combination your wise loins direct, and do not under any circumstances play hard to get. Our struggle against the colossal forces of oppression can wait."
[Beat]
"Good. Welcome back."

Iroh: There are a lot of pretty girls here, Zuko. You could settle down here, and you could have a blessed life. You don't have to continue this, Zuko.
Zuko: .We'll catch him [the Avatar] soon, Uncle. Then we could think about the pretty girls.

"On the other hand, maybe all of this could have been avoided if you had just managed to get laid once in a while. You can't even tell me you'd be this tightly wound if you were receiving Treasure Type O regularly."
Roy Greenhilt, The Order of the Stick

"This is the episode that seals the deal as far as Harry being a useless chump is concerned…he had the chance to get down and dirty with Seven of Nine but instead chose to run away little a frightened little boy. Surely this guy cannot be any more wet? Every time Harry gets angry or upset like he does in sickbay when Tom cracks some Borg jokes I always want to slap him around the face with a wet halibut. I can’t decide whether it is Garrett Wang’s performance or the character but he is so earnest about everything you just want to make him do something really bad to make sure he is definitely a human being. Only Harry Kim would have midnight inspiration about reconfiguring astrometric projectors! Most normal guys just have a wank."
Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, "Revulsion"

And so Fire Lord Sozin was left with a harem containing nothing but oversized pillows.
A week later he had drawn up a first draft of plans to conquer the world.

"Ah, my favourite; the old 'You need to get laid'. Because, apparently, I've never had sex, and only people who had sex like poorly, lazily produced pop music. If I had known that, I would've never ever had sex in my life, but luckily, 'stupid' is not a sexually-transmitted disease, and I'm fine. I find this argument usually comes from people who are virgins themselves; people who believe 'sex solves everything', because if they ever had sex, they know that it doesn't change the way you perceive music, movies, TV shows, sports, or anything else people like to use this argument for."

"Connor, you should get out more. Go to a bar, meet a nice girl, life will seem a whole lot less confusing to you then."
Nick Cutter, Primeval

When I was a little lad,
So my mother told me,
That if I didn't kiss a girl
Me lips would all grow mouldy.
— "Haul away Joe", a sea shanty

"Ha, the Shinji Effect. She [Asuka] is even being nice to Rei... She starts being nice to her in RE-TAKE as well. Maybe banging Shinji makes her docile..."

"Go ahead and try to hit me if you’re able.
Can’t you see that my relationship is stable?
I can see you hate the way we intermingle.
But I think you’re just mad ‘cause you’re single.
Garnet, Steven Universe