"Football is a way of life."Varsity Blues
- Jonathon 'Mox' Moxon
is one of the great Cliché Storms
of the 1990s. It is a sports story
that centers around high school football
in the great state of Texas
The film revolves around the fictional town of West Canaan, Texas, its high school football team (the Coyotes), and the team's head coach, Bud Kilmer (Jon Voight). Kilmer has won more than 20 district championships and two state championships; as such, the stadium is named after him, and a giant bronze statue of Kilmer has been erected in the end zone in his honor. However, the questionable lengths he goes to to win these championships begin to surface after his star quarterback Lance Harbour (Paul Walker) goes down with a season-ending injury.
This film contains examples of:
- All Guys Want Cheerleaders: Averted by Mox, who actually turns down a cheerleader because he prefers his girlfriend.
- Badass Bookworm: Mox, who can make a ref across the field groan in pain from receiving a spiral thrown by him while sitting... As he reads Slaughterhouse-Five.
- Big Man on Campus: Who you are if you're the quarterback at West Caanan High School.
- Big Game
- Billy Elliot Plot
- Blackmail: What you do to ensure your players listen to you.
- The Cheerleader: Darcy Sears.
- Conflicting Loyalty: There are multiple examples, however a conversation between Mox and his girlfriend underlines his conflict.
Jules: Then quit!
Mox: I can't.
Jules: Then play.
Mox: You don't understand...
- Cool People Rebel Against Authority: The players, toward the police and later Kilmer as his lack of integrity comes to the surface.
- Chekhov's Gun: The Hook and Ladder play that was practiced earlier in the film is used to win the Big Game.
- Date Rape/Black Comedy Rape: Charlie Tweeder talks to Mox about how girls are panty-droppers, after you give them some painkillers and alcohol. Subverted by Mox who, rather than laughing about it, asks him if he'll like prison.
Mox: Tweeter, do you think you'll enjoy prison?
Tweeter: I don't know...what?
- Dawson Casting: Featuring Dawson himself!
- Dumb Muscle: His name is Billy Bob.
- Down to the Last Play
- Drill Sergeant Nasty: Coach Kilmer, as are most football coaches.
- Everytown, America: West Canaan, Texas.
- Fanservice Extra: A few of them, including a visit to the strip club.
- Girl Next Door: Mox's girlfriend Julie.
- Gretzky Has the Ball: In two games, Mox hits an obnoxious mascot on the sideline with the ball after the snap. The film treats this as a clever way to stop the clock (i.e. spike the ball). In reality, this would be ruled as intentional grounding and would result in a loss of a down and ten yards. However, this would hinge on whether there was a nearby receiver, and the ball "just happened" to bean the mascot on a botched pass.
- Groin Attack: "...And say, 'I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.'"
- Hangover Sensitivity: When the boys leave the strip club following a night of partying. The hangover lasts into the game that night.
- Hot Teacher: Taken to the extreme with Miss Davis, especially considering it's a small town.
- How Many Fingers?: The trainer uses this to help diagnose Billy Bob.
: No-no-no, it's Billy Bob
. It's gotta be true or false. Billy Bob! The man is holding up some fingers, true or false?
Billy Bob: ...true?
- Hurricane of Euphemisms: Miss Davis asked for other terms for the male erection... Mox obliges.
Mox: The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall Tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icicle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger...
- I Call Him "Mister Happy": Culminating in this.
Mox: Oh, and Pedro.
Ms. Davis: ...Pedro?
- Interrupted Suicide: Mox tracks Billy Bob at the field, shooting trophies before presumably shooting himself, but is talked down.
- It's All About Me: Kilmer's attitude regarding the football program, since he's fully willing to sacrifice the health of High School athletes to further his personal glory as a winning coach.
- Meaningful Name: Johnathan Moxon as in "Moxie".
- Ms. Fanservice: Darcy, especially when she pulls out the whipped cream. She's played by Ali Larter, after all.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Billy Bob and Tweeder, to name a couple.
- Our Founder: There is a bronzed statue of Coach Kilmer, for whom the high school stadium is also named.
- Parental Obliviousness: His son just received an acceptance letter to an Ivy League college, but Sam Moxon wants to talk football.
- Parental Substitute: Billy Bob: [crying] "Man, Coach loved me like a son! Treated me like one, too."
- Put Me In, Coach!: "Put me in there! We'll block it."
- Practical Voiceover: The radio announcers a few times in the film.
- Losing Is Worse Than Death: Of course it's easier since it's not his well-being, but that of his players at risk. Unfortunately, this is a bit of Truth in Television with some coaches in high school sports, so long as they treat it as Serious Business. And in Texas, football is as serious as hockey is for Canada.
Coach Kilmer: The only pain that matters is the pain you inflict!
- Miracle Rally
- My Sister Is Off-Limits!: Averted. Lance is perfectly fine with Mox dating his younger sister.
- Naked People Are Funny: The stolen patrol car is full of this trope.
- Rousing Speech: Done a couple of times by Kilmer and then by Mox at halftime of the final game after the team overthrows Kilmer.
- Save Our Team: Inverted; it's only when the team kicks their coach to the curb that they achieve true success.
- Serious Business: Football in West Caanan, Texas.
- Slow Clap
- Small Town Boredom: The reason Darcy Sears sticks with the star players.
- Sports Story
- STD Immunity: Averted, albeit indirectly, when Tweeder looks down his own pants and asks aloud, "...The fuck is that?!"
- Teenage Wasteland: If you're a Coyote in West Canaan (especially a starter), don't expect the law to apply to you. You are a part of a different society that has its own laws.
- Teen Drama: It was produced by MTV Films.
- Token Minority: Wendell Brown. He is also the only one of the main cast to play college football on scholarship.
- Unusual Euphemism: "Pedro?"
- Villain with Good Publicity: The town loves the coach because he wins championships, but also because they're not aware of the lengths to which he goes to do it.
- Villainous Breakdown: Almost to tears.
- Wild Teen Party: Making out, vomiting and stealing a police car.
- You Can Leave Your Hat On: Miss Davis again.