Susan: Some men were born lucky. Some men were born very lucky. Sally: What was Patrick born? Susan: A tripod. — Coupling
The SpearCounterpart of Gag Boobs and the very opposite of Teeny Weenie, a character with a giant penis that causes comedy. Usually much less explicit than gag boobs, as most TV shows can't actually show penises as much as just referring to so-and-so's tripod, trouser snake, garden hose etc. Though some shows are able to use visual means of implying the same point.
A gold mine of sexual entendre for shows, and usually applies to either the hero or a dumb jock-type guy.
Owing to the extreme exaggerations possible in sequential art, this is a staple of both Ecchi/HentaiAnime and Sex ComedyWebcomics.
For when giant penises improve the sex instead of improving the comedy, see Bigger Is Better in Bed.
Examples
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Anime and Manga
A disturbingly common Running Gag in the City Hunter manga is how clearly one gets to see Saeba Ryo's easily ignited arousal through his pants... and has been so large and hard that it can literally punch through walls and shatter concrete... For better or worse this is downplayed or removed all together in the anime adaptation.
One gag in the manga had him lift a 1-ton weight by the strength of it.
The -ko suffix is affixed to names and objects to indicate smallness/cuteness, and is often attached to young girls' names. Chinko literally means "small cute penis."
Ippo Makunouchi from Hajime No Ippo is constantly ridiculed by the other boxers (out of their own insecurity) at the enormous size and girth of his member. They even scribble on it!
The fact that Takamura is a lightweight in his pants compared to him doesn't help much either.
TakeshiSendoh is similarly, uhm, "gifted". Takamura once attempted to prank him in the shower, mistaking him for Aoki. Hilarity Ensues.
In the mini-film Sex Demon Queen, an underaged girl named Sour is accosted by a gang of ruffians. One of them breaks out his package, which is indicated by a helpful diagram to be over a foot in length. However, its maximum length cannot be calculated.
When Shido Fuyuki, Ban Mido and Ginji Amano take a hot bath together in Get Backers, Ginji and Ban see that Shido is EXTREMELY well-hung. So much that they get scared.
Ban and Ginji: LIKE A HOOOOOOOORSE...! D=
The anime adds a neighing sound effect, for good measure.
Used as a Running Gag in Pumpkin Scissors with a nurse trying to get a urine sample from Randel whenever he's hospitalized. To emphasize, it even got to a ridiculous metal-braced extra-large collector, that still breaks.
You get two of them in Tenjho Tenge. Bob Makihara is... astonishingly well endowed, in one chapter displaying a mosaic-hidden penis still which seems to be just shy of his nipples. And Masataka Takayanaki is mentioned on several occasions as having one that's amazingly large by Bob's girlfriend Chiaki (and Bob!), though he himself seems very insecure about the size of it. Showcased in the hilarious 'Small dick beam!' nightmare.
While describing her newly created Nugi-kun DK-1 golem in Mahou Sensei Negima!, Haruna mentioned that "He sports an impressive 23.5 centimeters!!", which everyone naturally assumed to be this. Turned out she was actually talking about his tongue... which is even worse.
Subverted in Axis Powers Hetalia. Japan and Italy have a hot springs bonding session and Italy thinks Japan shrunk his penis since he's a whiz with miniaturization. The manga/webcomic and the Japanese version imply (while the English version outright says) that Japan is a grower, not a show-er (which actually makes sense when you remember that a scene before this, Japan created miniature U-Boats that turn into giant fighting mechas) and procedes to show Italy with a penis that has construction sounds when it goes erect and is heavily implied to be bigger than advertised (unfortunately for the fangirls, they don't show this, as it cuts to a Discretion Shot of the sky, followed by shaking and Italy screaming in wonder over what's going on).
Then there's the "extra small" 25 centimeter (that's 9 to 10 inches) condoms from Russia!
Inverted in Naruto: Sai repeatedly insults the size of Naruto's penis, including once at a hot springs, to the amusement of most of the women's side of the fence. Naruto seems embarrassed (as one would), but given that the source is Sai, it's impossible to tell whether his insults have any merit.
They were likely just that, insults. Cue Sai's acknowledging response when Naruto rose out of the water, albeit unintentionally. And after this incident Naruto's penis was never mentioned again, derogatorily or not, suggesting that in all likelihood he is at least average sized.
Sai: Oh, so you do have one.
In the manga Gakuen Heaven (not the Yaoi Guys series, actually, but a different one that happens to have the same name and basically completely opposite subject matter; It's about a ronin teacher at an all girls' school), one of the antagonistic teachers has such a huge penis that getting an erection knocked him out cold because of all the blood rushing out of his head.
The male characters in Monzetsu usually have this. When they don't, the story makes up for it by having a lot of them. Or they use their arms.
Brief from Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt has one. As it turns out, he has the blood of Hellsmonkey and it's the key to a portal to hell under D-City.
And then it's played a little more realistically when Panty regrows her hymen and they try to have sex. Brief's cock is so big that the sexual act itself is actually painful for Panty.
Naoya has a penis comparable to a horse's if Kilik's words are to be trusted.
A very squicky example from Berserk was when Wyald, a very horny and very sexually sadistic apostle gets his hands on Casca. He presents himself to her, which is a horrifyingly huge and thorny appendage that sort of looks like a thistle, and intends to make Casca "feel like a virgin again." Thankfully, Love Interest Guts comes out of his stupor just in time to put an end to Wyald's raping days - permanently meaning that he castrated Wyald while he was attempting to rape Casca.
Comic Book
Ray Mcfarland, from Top Cow's Freshmen. Nicknamed 'Long Dong', because he and his roommates were (unknowingly) given superpowers related to whatever they were thinking at that moment; Ray was measuring his penis and wishing it to be bigger and better in every way. He develops an indestructible, 15-foot penis, and has to beg people not to leave porn lying around, because he'll knock holes through the ceiling with it.
The Doom Patrol one-shot villain "Codpiece" basically has a Swiss-Army penis. Technically a Swiss-Army laser cannon, but he built a harness for it to make it portable so that he could be a supervillain. He attached it in front of himself, so that he could aim, and the size and weight of it made it fall to the "crotch" part of his harness.
Including a point where Dormammu's sister, Umar, specifically abducted him for the express purpose of exploiting his... endowment. Things went sour, though, when the act itself relaxed Hulk enough to turn him back into regular old Bruce Banner, who simply couldn't meet her standards. Not so sour, though, that she didn't kidnap the Hulk again much later for seconds.
The supervillain known as the Hidden Salami from the Orgasm Lass stories in XXXenophile.
When The Boys journey to Russia, they meet the ex leader of the Soviet superhero team The Glorious Five Year Plan, who went by the name of Love Sausage. And just in case you didn't get the reference, the title of the issue in which he takes up his old role as hero? Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite. He can't run with an erection, which proves to be something of a problem when he and Hughie end up in a strip club. Big titties are his Kryptonite Factor.
The following exchange takes place in Runaways after Chase walks into Victor Mancha's bedroom in the middle of the night.
Chase: You're sleeping in the raw? What is wrong with you?! At least the computer wore tennis shoes! Victor: We live under a tar pit Chase. It's a million degrees down here. Besides, what's the big deal? I've got the exact same parts that you do. Chase: Says who? You're an electric chair with legs! Except, you know, instead of four legs, you have uh... three.
Played for Laughs in Tank Girl. Our heroine is fighting a guy wearing God's Housecoat. He informs her that the housecoat has granted him a whale's genitals (by accident or on purpose, it's not quite clear which), so Tank Girl shows him her breasts... and his resulting erection causes him to die of blood loss to the brain.
Tom Of Finland and... nearly all erotic gay comics love this trope.
Fan Fic
This particular Digimon fanfic (NSFW) actually lampshaded this trope; it involves Davis having a relationship with his very well hung Vee/Flamedramon (hung to the point of never being able to "fit" inside the Digidestined without complications, yet somehow did), and when Davis described their lovemaking to Izzy, Izzy squicked Davis out by graphically explaining what ''should've'' happened.
In the famous Gender Flip fanarts that showcase the Suzumiya Haruhi charas as the opposite sex, just like Kyonko (female Kyon) is shown as flat chested and Itsuko (female Itsuki) has a nice rack, Mitsuuru (male Mikuru) is given a quite big cock, mirroring the original Mikuru's Gainaxing. Lampshaded in several comic strips that have an embarrassed Mitsuuru complaining about his size.
Houin-sensei from Kodomo no Jikan suffered an identical fate when the KnJ mangaka did a few genderswap omake pages.
A lot of fanfic of the IKEA Erotica variety makes a point of specifying the exact dimensions of the male participant's (or one of the male participants') member, as though the other participant were pausing mid-act to take measurements. These dimensions are often wildly implausible, falling into this trope.
There's a famous Cloud/Sephiroth doujin where Cloud is lying on top of Sephiroth in bed, and then Sephiroth gets so hard that Cloud and the bed covers are jetted to the ceiling, suspended on a massive column of one-eyed angel.
There is also a memorable Harry Potter fic that gives the measurements for every male cast member, with Snape topping the list at thirteen inches.
And an even more memorable once that places Little Draco (Big Draco?) at a minimum of 42 inches.
"IT COULD GET ON DISNEYLAND ATTRACTIONS BY ITSELF."
In one bad Bleach fanfic, Nnoitra has a 10 inch penis flaccid. His full size reaches 14 inches.
A Redwall fanfic, Of Warlords And Pleasures, once featured a character with a twelve-inch penis. Not so bad... until you remember that this was a Redwall fanfic and the character in question was Cluny the Scourge, a rat. Admittedly Continuity Drift makes the animals change wildly between human and animal sizes from book to book, but he was in the first book, wherein they appear to be the same size as real animals (four hundred rats could fit in a horse-drawn cart, and a mouse fell and landed directly in a cat's mouth). So, since twelve inches would be roughly the same length as his whole body ... ow ow ow. Shortly after this scene, in the same fanfic, he proceeded to do something deeply unpleasant involving a spear to the victim. It's debatable which action would be more painful.
In Light And Dark The Adventures Of Dark Yagami, Dark, after becoming King of the Shinigami becomes as large as a bus and gets a "man thingy" twice the size of a bus. He apparently grows in size later, as it is possible to land a plane on his "man thingy". Even after he loses his status as Shinigami King, he still has an exceptionally large "man thingy."
In With Strings Attached, the one real moment of levity in the Ghost City of Ehndris is when the four come across As'taris battling a living statue (an image of which they'd seen before and dubbed “Biggus Dickus,” thanks to George the Monty Python fan) using its long penis as a sword. They wince when As'taris cuts it off.
Film
BASEketball had Matt Stone and Trey Parker's characters appear nude before the love interest, and their dicks are so big that they touch the ground. She can't keep her eyes off them and keeps having Freudian slips when looking at them.
And, while the two leads are naked—whenever they turn a number of objects get knocked off the nearby table/shelf. The one scene in which we get a shot of their junk shows what can only count as a third leg, as each of their penises stretch to below the knees with no end in sight.
Also happened in the comedy Jane Austen's Mafia!.
In Borat, during the naked fight, Borat's producer doesn't have anything censored (his pot belly pretty much covers it up) but Borat has a censoring black box... descending past his knees. Show-off.
Making this even funnier is the black box getting bigger and bigger as the fight goes on.
This was explained in a deleted scene, where he's interviewing a cosmetic surgeon and asks whether he could get his freakishly huge penis reduced in size. Apparently all his friends make fun of it all the time.
A recurring gag on Son Of The Beach was that in any nude scene, the characters would have black censor bars over their TV-sensitive areas - Chip's bar would extend to his knees, while Notch had barely a square centimeter.
Sacha Baron Cohen loves this kind of joke. His Ali G character has a dream in which he's in a gang shoot out. One of the bullets tears his pants around his knee, narrowly missing his Gag Penis. Just a little while later, after the shoot-out is complete, he turns toward his assailants and the bullets outline where he once stood - complete with a Gag Penis extension in front of him.
In The Full Monty, an auditioning male stripper displays his qualifications for the job. All we see is a reaction shot of the audition panel ...
Gaz: You can't dance, you can't sing. What good are you? Guy: Well, I have this [drops pants] [everyone stares in amazement] Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed.
In Mel Brooks' Silent Movie, the board of directors of Engulf and Devour is shown a picture of Velma Kaplan, the sexiest woman in the world, and the table starts rising.
A similar gag can be found in Brooks' History of the World Part 1 in the fan dance scene. Let's just say that Gregory Hines was not, in fact, a eunuch.
For whatever reason, a running gag tended to go through many of Madeline Kahn's roles in Brooks that involved Kahn getting involved with impossibly endowed men. Examples include the aforementioned History of the World, Part 1, Young Frankenstein mentioned below, and Blazing Saddles.
Mel Brooks used yet another version of the Gag Penis in Robin Hood: Men in Tights; Robin and Marian are behind a screen, and Robin's sword creates a silhouette in just the right spot...
Mini-Me of Austin Powers fame has one of these. "If you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!"
"You're a frickin' tripod!"
A Chinese Torture Chamber Story has as one of its most important plot points that the character Gott is so massively endowed he cannot have sex; it doesn't fit any woman he's with and he's far too nice a guy to force it.
Young Frankenstein. It's noted that if all parts of the Monster were in proportion to his size, "He would have an enormous schwanzstucker!" Later on, Elizabeth is raped by the Monster but likes it and falls in love with him because of his enormous size. At the end Inga learns that her new husband Frederick traded part of his brain for the Monster's endowment, and she has the same reaction.
Played for both drama and comedy in Boogie Nights. Eddie Adams's huge member gets him a job as porn star Dirk Diggler. The first time he pulls it out on film, we only see the amazed silent reactions of the crew. The prosthetic penis would go on to win the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.
The character Eddie was based on real-life porn-star John Holmes, who had likewise no real film-talent other than Macrophallia.
Elliot Richards in Bedazzled gains one of these in one of his final wishes to win his girl's heart. Satan makes him gay to compensate.
In This Is Spinal Tap, one of the band members keeps getting stopped at an airport metal detector. After attempting to pass through the detector and setting it off, he eventually removes a zucchini wrapped in tinfoil from his pants and hands it to the security officer.
Also, they mention that it's like they have "armadillos in their trousers" during one of the interview portions. It seems they scare the young men that compose most of their audience into submission, or something like that.
Scary Movie 4 has one of the characters trying to kill himself using pills...only to find out that he had swallowed Viagra. Cue the growing erection.
Bachelor Party had a scene where a male stripper is paid to prank the bachelorette's friends by serving a "foot-long hot dog" in a restaurant.
An aversion is a major plot point in the Caper Film/Comedy Nine Dead Gay Guys. After learning that a prominent member of the homosexual community was murdered with a cattle prod, one of the protagonists comes home with a cattle prod he found while performing sexual favors for booze money. Since the room he was in was pitch black, he could only identify the owner by the size of his penis: three and a half inches.
The movie also has the "Really Hard Red Bull Test" offered by the character Golder's Green: in order to get into his house you need to have a dick as long as or longer than two cans of Red Bull stacked one on top of the other. Three characters in the film are seen to pass it: the Queen, Kenny, and one of the Three West African Brothers, although his other two brothers could have passed it as well.
A case of Gag Balls occurs in Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Two cannonballs are positioned so that they hang between Barbossa's legs. There's also the scene with the telescopes...
Ralf in Zweiohrküken features one. It's not even remotely funny, and it hangs around for minutes in all its beauty.
In Condom des Grauens (usually referenced to as Killer Condom) detective Maccaroni is extremely well endowed although his enormous penis is visible only as a shadow on the wall.
Inverted in one soft porn spoof of Gladiator where the Emperor of Rome is called "Dickus Minimus".
Inverted in Superman Returns: Brandon Routh's crotch had to be digitally reduced because it was distracting. Let that sink in for a moment. He knows for sure he's more "super" than Superman.
Inverted in "Tron" where Jeff Bridges had to where a dance belt to conceal his.
Showdown in Little Tokyo. They actually halt an action scene just so Brandon Lee can tell Dolph Lundgren "Just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man."
Watch Young Adam. You'll get loads of nice gratuitous close-ups of Ewan McGregor's Little Ewan.
If you can't find a copy of Young Adam, you can see plenty of him in The Pillow Book and The Velvet Goldmine.
There is nothing light about Obi-Wan's saber
Parodied in You Don't Mess With The Zohan, where the main character is featured with a massive bulge in his pants. However he later shows to someone else that he merely cultivates a large amount of pubic hair (apparently it helps with the ladies) and the person observing it states "It's not that big."
Pee Wee's first elated act in Porky's II, upon waking and recalling he'd scored at the end of the previous film, is to add a sharp (exaggerated) upward slash to his personal penis-growth chart. His mom soon finds the chart in his room, and her eyes bug out at the Biggus Dickus implications.
Perhaps more to the point, Meat from the original Porky's, who elicits a "That boy is deformed!" from a woman pretending to be a prostitute.
Referenced in Unforgiven; where "Real Life Adventure" writer W.W. Beauchamp meets the subject of many of his stories, Little Bill Daggett, who takes it upon himself to correct the writer on the history he has exaggerated in his books. One story involves another character by the name of "Two-Gun" Corcoran; who was killed in a gunfight because his pistol malfunctioned, and he didn't actually have another one.
Little Bill Daggett: First off, Corky never carried two guns. Though he should have. W.W. Beauchamp: No, no, he was, he was called "Two-Gun Corcoran". Little Bill Daggett: Yeah well, a lot of folks did call him "Two-Gun" but that wasn't because he was sporting two pistols. That was because he had a dick that was so big it was longer than the barrel of that Walker Colt that he carried.
The 1975 Blaxploitation film Soul Vengeance has a wrongly-imprisoned black guy take revenge on the people who sent him up by strangling them to death with his giganic prehensile penis. The few reviews suggest it's not nearly as good as that sounds.
The eponymous monster from One-Eyed Monster. Not only is it Ron Jeremy's dick, but it's loose, and it's killing most of the cast and trying to impregnate the rest. Better Than It Sounds (as there's no way it could sound worse).
A small one in the film Kinsey - early in the film, Alfred Kinsey and his wife have come to a doctor because they're having trouble consummating their marriage. The doctor explains that sometimes, if a woman with a thicker-than-usual hymen is matched with a well-endowed man, it can make sex tough. He holds out a ruler and asks Kinsey's wife to point to the ruler, indicating how big the...member in question is. She hesitates, then points to a spot in the air TWO INCHES past the end of the ruler. The doctor just raises his eyebrows a bit and says "I'm surprised you didn't pass out."
Labyrinth didn't show much, but Jareth's tights have made the fandom a-buzz about "the Area". It has become somewhat of a rite of passage to make an Area joke for the comedy writers.
During filming for the movie, David Bowie was wearing a form-fitting outfit for one scene and appeared to be trying to smuggle a gun carriage onto the set.
Dave Shilling, in the movie "The Bank Job" is implied to have a large schlong— to the point that he makes porn films for Mister Vogel. Also, at the end the two actresses in the film with him state he was their "favorite."
In a deleted scene included in the Phantasm DVD, drunken Jody and Reggie adorn the passed-out Mike with all the fixings of a human ice cream sundae, complete with humorously-placed banana and pair of cookies.
What happens to the eponymous Mystery Team in the gentleman's club scene. Jason's is bigger than the others.
Jokes
A logic joke: A woman who's had a string of jackass boyfriends puts in an ad for a partner who won't run off with her best friend, won't hit her, and is good in bed. An armless, legless man rings the doorbell. She helps him into her house and quizzes him on the aforementioned characteristics. He says he couldn't run off with her best friend, not having legs, and, as he has no arms, he couldn't hit her. Then she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?" The armless legless man says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
There is a joke about a man who goes to the hospital and complains that when he walks, his penis drags on the ground, and that's really uncomfortable, so he wants a bit cut off. Well, the doctor is not sure how to do it, so he passes the job to the nurses. They are not sure where to cut from; from the end, from the middle, or from the base, so they go to the senior nurse. She takes one look and says: "Are you idiots? Stretch his legs."
Two guys are walking along a bridge one night and they both have to take a piss. They go to the edge of the bridge, whip 'em out, and go to it. One says, "Damn, this water's cold." "Yeah", the other says, "deep, too."
Alternate punchline: "Yea, and the bottom is rocky."
Two black guys are talking about one's new 15-pound son. A week later, he says his son is seven pounds. His friend says what happened? Black guy says "Had him circumcised."
There's a joke/anecdote of a policeman who was escorting a group of drunken men to an overnight cell, when he saw a huge bulge in one of their pockets. "Hey, you can't take a bottle to the can!", he exclaimed grabbing the bulge, only to instantly pull his hand away and mutter: "Sorry".
There's an old one about a man who goes into a tavern and sees a large mason jar filled with 10 dollar bills. He finds out from the bartender that his horse had been very lethargic lately, so he was willing to bet whether customers could make the horse laugh. The man takes the bet and walks out back, shortly followed by whinnies of laughter from the horse. The bartender asks "How the hell'd you manage that?" The customer replies "I told him my dick was as big as his."
Cut to a week later, when the customer comes in again, the whinnies of the horse still going on, and the tender offers him another 100 bucks if he can get the horse to stop. The man shrugs, walks out back, and the laughter immediately stops, followed by the sounds of the horse crying. When the bartender asks the man how he managed to pull it off this time, the man smirks. "Well, last time I told him - and this time I showed him."
Literature
Possibly one of the very largest examples, the aptly named "Long Man" of Discworld is 20,000 tons of long burial mound with two small round burial mounds located either side of one end. The runic inscription on it reads - roughly - "I've Got A Great Big Tonker".
It gets better. When a dwarf, after seeing and admiring the earthen mounds, goes inside and meets the aptly-named Long Man himself, a mythological figure with a healthy appreciation for not wearing any clothes. "Cor", the dwarf says, "you don't half look like your picture."
Though size wasn't actually specified, a comparable brand of humor was exercised in Maskerade, when Nanny Ogg served her Chocolate Delight with Special Secret Sauce to the directors of the opera house. The one man with the forethought to open a window and let in some cold air couldn't do so, as he didn't dare get up from his seat.
In the book of The Godfather, Santino is said to have one of these. There was an entire subplot involving an extended affair Santino had (with the bridesmaid he had sex with at the wedding) based on the fact that their oversized genitals fit each other perfectly.
It still gets a very brief mention in the film during Connie's wedding; at one point, Sonny's wife can be seen talking about it with several women, gesturing in an exaggerated manner and laughing.
In One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Ursula and José Arcadio Buendķa's older son, José Arcadio, was infamous for his huge cock.
So is his descendant, Amaranta Śrsula's lover and nephew, though they don't know it for quite a while Aureliano. When he went to a prostitute and friend of his' to tell her about his sexual woes and ask her to sleep with him, she expected to dispatch him like a scared kid, and was shocked to see how well-endowed he was.
The book and movie versions of M*A*S*H had this as a minor plot point with Walter "Painless Pole" Waldowski, the surgical unit's dentist. His assistant makes a lot of money selling shower peephole privileges to those curious enough to look, and one enlisted man is overheard commenting to another that he'd "love to see it angry".
The grolls (troll/giant hybrids) from Glen Cook's Garrett, P.I. series are sufficiently equipped to make mules envious, which is quite a feat for a couple of brothers named Doris and Marsha.
Played seriously in Harlan Ellison's short story "I Have No Mouth and I must Scream", in which one of the main characters, Benny (a formerly gay and very handsome scientist), is transformed by AM into a apelike creature with horse-like genitalia.
The wildling called Longspear Rik from A Song of Ice and Fire. "But he fights with an axe."
In A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving, Owen Meany is extremely short (he was only accepted by the U.S. Army because the Vietnam War was happening and they were desperate), and yet it is, for some reason, mentioned that his penis is large.
Harold Robbins has the men in his novels with large penises. One villain even had one so large that it was almost a defect.
Flashman is apparently quite impressive in the trouser department. On his way to an interview with the beautiful (and single) daughter of an Apache chief, Geronimo tells Flashy that it might go better if he had left his trousers off.
In Robert A. Heinlein's later books, for the adult readers, he was sure to mention that his male characters all had large penises. Along with their many other Mary Sue traits.
In Breakfast Of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut gives precise dimensions for the penises of all the major main characters. Not surprisingly, the largest by far is his own Creator Cameo. Of course, modern science was never quite sure what Vonnegut was on.
Vonnegut's penis is quite wide (five inches in diameter) but only three inches long. The largest penis in the novel belongs to Ned Lingamon, whose penis is eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but it is mostly in the fourth dimension. He is also the most decorated veteran in the city and killed his baby because she wouldn't stop crying.
Subverted in Slaughterhouse Five. The main character is described as an unattractive, meek, lanky everyman, but when he is displayed naked by his abductors, it turns out he's very well-endowed — "you never know who'll get one."
In Snow Falling On Cedars, Carl Heine has a large penis. This is repeatedly emphasized, to the point when the coroner observing his dead body gets penis envy.
In The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse, Geoff Tipps writes himself into the screenplay for Show Within a ShowThe King's Evil, and specifically points out, a propos of nothing, that he has a big cock. In the screenplay, at least.
Geoff Tipps, a clever man with a big cock, comes in and stops the king from being killed. He is a Hero. His cock is big.
Marcus Flutie of the Jessica Darling Series is described as having "12 inches of New Jersey Whitesnake". By several characters.
Tom's dog in Neuropath, apparently. In a crude but funny scene, Gerard jokes that it's so large it should have its own website. And makes up some domain names. ("www.dog-got-a-bone.com")
In A Lovely Monster : The Adventures of Claude Rains and Dr. Tellenbeck, the titular Claude Rains, a Frankenstein's monster, is endowed with a pony's penis by his creator (apparently he felt this was the best method for ensuring his ability to prove that he'd made Claude out of various bits and pieces).
Jakub Wędrowycz, a Dirty Old Man. He's not happy with it, because it's hard to walk with it (he keeps stepping on it). He usually keeps it in one of the trouser-legs... and puts the tip into the shoe. He can use it as a whip to kill a fly on a faraway wall. Of course, it only comes up when it's funny.
Live-Action TV
In the japanese DoramaTrick, the two main protagonists have complexes from which jokes are made throughout the series. As for Ueda Jiro concerns, it's his unusual penis size (along with his height).
In a Horne and Corden sketch, shown here, a man gets a penis enlargement, resulting in him pulling a snake several feet in length out of his trousers to show his friend. "It's not too big, is it?"
Lots of references in Coupling to Patrick's endowment. Particulary funny was just after Suzan told Sally that Patrick is very well endowed, Patrick happens to walk by and lose his balance for a brief moment.
At one point he finds out that an ex-girlfriend started a business selling vibrating dildos modelled after "Junior Patrick". Apparently she'd never found it so easy to accommodate the battery compartment.
One episode of Just Shoot Me! revolved around Dennis Finch's boss and male coworker discovering that the small, overly delicate Finch had a penis whose size was of such that it caused immediate crushing despair in other males at the sight of it. Made all the more crushing because he apparently had no clue this was anything special.
"Dennis, how did you not KNOW? I mean, hadn't you ever seen other guys in the shower?" "No, I sat gym out because of my allergies. The only time I saw other guys naked was in porn. I just thought I was a little above average." "... You son of a bi-"
On Cybill Shepherd's sitcom, Cybill and a friend were in a museum and came across a statue of a fertility god, who...well...
Cybill and Friend: [[looking excited and amused]] Wow... [they turn to each other] Ouch!
One Saturday Night Live sketch involved the celebrity trial de jour (Mike Tyson) which had the defendant's lawyers officially entering his penis as evidence; he whips it out (off-camera) and THUNKs it down on the table. Cut to the bug-eyed slack-jawed stares in the jury box.
A similar Zip-Thump moment occurs on an episode of Kids in the Hall when Danny Husk's boss reveals that not only does he know Danny used to be a porn star, but that they own his old studio. He then asks Danny to show him the goods, which leads to the aforementioned sound effect.
On Hustle, Ash "Three Socks" Morgan acquired his nickname after his first visit to the prison showers.
In one episode of Friends, Rachel spreads a rumor about Chandler's allegedly huge size (in return for a favor he did her). When the rumor spreads to roommate Joey, he just laughs and says, "No he doesn't!" But... in later seasons when Chandler and Monica start seeing each other, we learn that he does, in fact, have impressive size. Given the number of times everybody has seen everybody else naked, you'd think that would have been cleared up before then—but she could have been the first of the main characters to see him erect .. and/or this could just say something about the previous men she's been with. Or the previous men Joey's been with. Or Joey.
To wit: Rachel sees Chandler handcuffed to a chair in her boss' office. She undoes the handcuffs but immediately regrets it and asks Chandler if he'll let her cuff him back to the chair. He says no and they go back and forth until Rachel tells Chandler that if he lets her put him back in the chair, handcuffed, that she will tell Monica and Phoebe that he's really large. Joey and Ross later dispel this knowledge. "Two hours that lasted!"
In the episode "The One with the Dozen Lasagnas", Rachel's boyfriend, Paolo tries to seduce Phoebe when he's naked on her massage table. She later tells the gang: "boy scouts could have camped under there."
The Upright Citizens Brigade TV show dedicated their Season 1 finale to a mock telethon for the "Little Donny Foundation", raising money for a young boy with an enormous (mosaic'ed) penis, of which he's unaware. Essentially 30 minutes of this trope, but played completely deadpan.
Suggested on more than one occasion (and more than one body, come to think of it) that the Doctor of Doctor Who has one. His trousers are like the TARDIS - "Bigger on the Inside!"
The tiemcock meme basically feeds off of this notion.
Also implied to be true of Captain Jack Harkness - in one episode, he loses his clothes, and the objects he's hidden behind seem to be longer than is strictly necessary.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer played with this a little in the first-season episode "Witch." Buffy's mother Joyce is trying to document some new items for her gallery, and comes across something she won't let Buffy see, declaring it as an "African fertility statue." When her mom leaves, Buffy looks anyway, exclaims "Jeepers!" and closes the box hastily.
Another example appears in the sixth-season episode "Flooded." Perusing a book of demon lore, Buffy's younger sister Dawn catches sight of an illustration:
Dawn: That's a weird place for a horn... (Dawn looks again, then slowly closes the book, shaken) That's not a horn.
The Drew Carey Show episode "Dog and Pony Show", parodying The Full Monty, had a similar gag. Drew is arranging for a male strip act to raise quick cash, and another man asks to "audition". They step behind the bar, he unzips, Drew looks... and then drains the drink he's holding before letting out a choked, "You think you'd be more popular..." Later, just before the show starts, he announces to the crowd, from prompting by the other guy:
Drew: And no flash photography. It upsets Kong.
The same episode has the guys, dressed in UPS-like uniforms and carrying boxes in front of their crotches, take both hands off the boxes and SPIN THEM. When asked how they did it, Drew responds that they had Velcro. The guy with the giant wang simply says "... you guys got Velcro?"
Desperate Housewives plays this as the solution to a mystery- Gabby is worried that she might have had drunken sex with the much younger, and very disturbed, Zach. She can't remember anything, he insists that it happened. Her husband, Carlos, winds up in the urinal beside him- and informs her that "[She'd] have remembered."
Doyle: Frankie Tripod? A big no. Cordy: Frankie Tripod? Oh, I get it. Some kind of three-legged monster, right? Doyle: No, he’s human. Cordy: Then why is his name...oh...
In one episode of Scrubs, Dr. Kim Briggs, in order to dick around with JD, draws a long line on a chart claiming that it's representative of the average length of the penis which has the patient casually replying "Sounds about right" and JD looks shocked and embarrassed while Turk silently agrees. After leaving in a huff, JD attempts to call her bluff by pulling back the patient's bedsheet. "OH MY GOD!"
A character on Testees (the guys test drugs for money) took something that caused his penis grow to epic proportions. Unfortunately for him (and his girlfriend) once he became erect he promptly passed out due to lack of blood.
Kryten in Red Dwarf has a "groinal attachment" that he uses as a vacuum cleaner.
The main plot behind The Hard Times of RJ Berger: RJ is a Hollywood Nerd. One day, during a basketball game, his shorts fell down. Cue people laughing. Then his jockstrap fell. Cue people gasping, girls giggling in delight, and one Asian girl ripping her hair out. The series as a whole involves his attempts to lose his virginity, and his endowment is seen as both a benefit and a hindrance toward that goal.
Manny Skerritt, the character Misha Collins played on Nip/Tuck. His penis was so large that, while flaccid, he could have 'namaste' writter on it in pretty large writing, and needed a reduction because he was addicted to sucking himself off.
Manny: I've got a tyranasaurus prick.
Supernatural implies that Crowley has one of these, because he traded his soul for an extra three inches below the belt.
Also, because Misha Collins played both Manny Skerritt above and Castiel in Supernatural, fans have taken to assuming that Castiel has one as well, usually with jokes such as "No wonder Cas always wears that long trench coat."
In one "Newscasters" segment of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Brad Sherwood and Colin Mochrie are the newscasters. Brad, as per usual, plays someone normal. Colin, on the other hand, plays someone who has just realized that they're nudist. Throughout the skit, Brad keeps on trying to cover Colin's junk, ending with his hand trying to do so with Colin in a ridiculous pose. Colin looks at Brad's hand disdainfully, then uses his arm to "cover" his junk. Brad can barely stay in character.
Quickly followed up by Ryan (playing a Mafia weatherman) telling Colin that he lost his pointer, and needs some help. Colin puts his hands behind his back, and does various hip motions to convey that his junk is pointing at whatever Ryan needs.
Averted in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy TV series - Mark Wing-Davey, playing the two-headed Zaphod, wanted to put an 8-inch cardboard tube down both trouser legs. They made him cut them down.
An Australian animated ad for Red Bull shows a man at nudist camp with an extremely long black Censor Box. The girl next to him is very impressed and gives him a Red Bull. The censor box rises as he drinks it, before he flies away (much to the girl's disappointment) because "Red Bull gives you wings".
And that's not the worst part? 30 cm is only half of the maximum length it measures.
That's 12 inches, and requires the uterus to sit just under the lungs. The maximum length requires a woman to be able to breathe through her womb.
Averted on Skins. Chris is well-known to have a small penis but this does not have any negative effect on his confidence, his sex life and his success with women
On The X-Files, Mulder and Scully come across a Literal Genie and learn that her previous "owner" had died because he wished himself one of these.
"Chronic morbid tumescence."
Played straight in the cult French-Canadian series "Dans une galaxie pr?de chez vous". Card-Carrying Villain Scientist Brad Spitfire is revealed to have a small penis after being hit by a naked ray (A beam which sole purpose is to render people naked), prompting Petrolia to exclaim "Wow, the nose really is in proportion to..." before being cut off. On the other hand, when the Captain is accidentally turned into a baby after spending too much time on a time-bomb planet, Valence comments, while changing him, that he's very well equipped for his age.
In Green Wing, Martin, judging by the reactions to the nude portrait Sue White keeps in her office, has a large one.
Averted in The Sopranos. Christopher is revealed through a strip search to have a small penis but this does not effect his sex life in any way.
Similar to the Rome example, one episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand featured a new gladiator with an impressive piece of equipment who became a noblewoman's gift. Due to the bloody politics of the show, he and his equipment don't survive the episode.
One of the other gladiators, Varro, obviously subscribed to Bigger Is Better as well, as he bet money on the newcomer based entirely on his dick size.
In Better Off Ted, Veronica and other characters reference Ted's junk.
Barney once pretended to be a billionaire adventurer named "Lorenzo von Matterhorn". One of the websites he created included an article from a fake medical journal about a condition he supposedly had called "Phallumegaly".
Upon being slapped by Marshall in the Season 2 episode "Slap Bet", Barney comments on the size of Marshall's hands. Marshall replies "What, you've seen my penis."
Although we can't be sure about Barney, given his self-aggrandizing behavior, Marshall can back his claim up, assuming Jason Segel's...er...impressive full frontal scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall applies across fictional universes.
In an episode of Still Standing, Brian had apparently been skipping showers after gym because he was embarassed that his penis wasn't the same size as everyone else. His father assumed that he was ashamed of his shortcomings. We learn soon enough that Brian's issue is quite the opposite.
In the Choriki Sentai Ohranger movie,the monster has a tap and basically wees as an attack! It was adapted into Power Rangers Zeo but that scene was cut out!
In Monarch Of The Glen, Golly got his nickname when the wind blew his kilt aside and a girl who witnessed it said, "Golly!".
Party Down: Ron's humongous dick (briefly shown on screen) got attention of porno producer on adult entertainment awards afterparty they were catering.
Humans possess the largest penile endowment, on average, of all primates. (Curiously, chimps have the largest testicles in proportion to body size.)
This fact is believed to indicate that the male human penis at some point in human evolution served as a prop for sexual display in addition to its other uses. This is similar to the current status of female breasts, which are greatly enlarged in humans as compared to other primates.
We are also one of the few primates that lack a baculum. So, largest penis, and without bony support. No wonder cardivascular disease kills so many people...
One theory says that's exactly the point. Being able to maintain a large erection without a penis bone indicates good circulation, which is something you want to pass on to the next generation. As for chimp testicles, chimps are more promiscuous than humans, which means that more semen is needed to compete with other male's little swimmers. On the other hand, gorillas (where males maintain a harem and don't need to compete as much) are comparatively tiny.
The leading theory on penis girth argues that due to the suction pump effect (to remove any other semen)the penis has scale up with the increase in vaginal size, which is connected to head size at birth in primates, humans being the all time leader. Bonobos are an aberration having greater length and girth but they actually fight with their members, (called penile jousting).
This limerick from the 1930's reads: There once was a fellow named Cribbs / whose cock was so big it had ribs.
Music
Da Vinci's Notebook have a song called "Enormous Penis", about the joys of having one of these:
I've got great, big amounts in the place where it counts, And the feeling's like a sunshiny day, I take a look at my enormous penis, And everything is going my way.
Rodney Carrington has a song "Play Your Cards Wrong", where the narrator states that his life is an absolute mess, but he's endowed enough to make porn stars cry. In all things, balance, I guess.
Frank Zappa used this trope often. Played relatively 'straight' in 'Bwana Dik', a song wherein each member of the band claims to have the largest member, and mocked in 'Penis Dimension': "Do you worry / do you worry a lot/ that the size of your cock is not monstrous enough?"
This is part of Ivor Biggun's bread and butter. Probably the most blatant case is "John Thomas Allcock". To quote the chorus:
He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world He keeps it in his trousers tightly curled. It's a yard and a half if it's an inch and it's more when it's unfurled, oh oh He's the man with the biggest plonker in the world.
Dos Gringos12-Inch Penis, about a fighter pilot trying very hard to relieve his bladder while flying an F-16.
Bonus points for said pilot flying 'hands-off' at one point, especially since the F-16's flight stick isn't between the pilots legs- it's actually on the right-side of the cockpit in the armrest...
The British folk song "The Knife In The Window" is about a man with a "long fol-the-riddle-i-do right down to his knee."
Parodied in John Lajoie's "I Kill People", where he takes a break from rapping about murder, casual sex and hedonism in hilariously Beige Prose to dedicate a verse to his exaggeratedly huge penis.
Shel Silverstein wrote and performed a song called "Stacy Brown's Got Two", in which Stacy's.. got two of 'em.. and thus is very popular.
AC/DC's song "Big Balls" is nominally about ballroom dancing-type balls. In practice, though, not so much.
Subverted in the old blues "Big Ten Inch Record", famously covered by Aerosmith.
Got me the strangest woman Believe me this trick's no cinch But I really get her going When I whip out my big ten inch *beat* Record of a band that plays the blues
My cock is much bigger than yours! My cock can walk right through the door!
Myths and Legends
A figurine dating to the early middle ages, found in an archeological dig in Sweden, is thought to depict the fertility god Freyr. It looks like a sitting bearded man with an erect, upright member that reaches to his nose and is thicker than his arms and legs.
There's the Greek god Priapus who had to have scaffolding to hold up his erect penis, satyrs are almost always depicted as having massive erections especially when in the company of nymphs, and in Ancient Rome it was believed that having pictures of massive penises in the home warded off evil spirits leading to some hilarious awkwardness for high school tours in Pompeii. Priapus was oddly enough associated with vegetable gardens specifically as part of his schtick and statues of him in gardens often included warnings as to what he would do to theives with his wang of godly wrath.
Hermes had statues all around Greece whose genitals were rubbed for good luck (!).
The Greeks and especially the Romans extended this tradition by slapping a carved penis on virtually any stone - boundary markers, road posts, statue bases — and calling it a 'herm'. The vast majority of these were defaced by later Christians, although several also ended up defaced by pre-Chrstian Athenians during the Peloponnesian Wars.
The Greeks found a modest penis more attractive than a giant one; large penises in ancient Greek context are literally gag penises Or just plain fertility symbols. As mentioned above, there are countless of phallic pylons and statues in Greek and Roman objects and architecture. They were simple fertility and good luck symbols with none of the "dirty" connotations that the Christians later attached to them. On an actual person average size was considered the best, however.
The Egyptian god Min is often shown holding... himself upright... with his left hand, and with a whip in his right. Also, great humor was derived from the legend of Osiris, whose cut-up body parts were collected by Isis so she could bring him Back from the Dead... the only part she couldn't find was Osiris Junior, which was eaten by a fish. Of all the things... Isis managed to replace it with a wooden one. It was apparently fully functional, as, and I quote:
Larry Gonick: Despite the missing item, Isis somehow conceived a son Horus, who avenged the murder.
The 13th-century Norwegian Völsa Žįttr was about worshiping a severed horse penis (apparently loosely based on a centuries-earlier tradition involving animal sacrifice), complete with jokes about its "usefulness".
The Tanuki in Japanese legend is a variation, having not a gag penis but gag testicles.
Native American Mythology is full of this. Just about any trickster is ridiculously endowed. These penises can also detach. Said tricksters tend to be bi as well.
One Norwegian fairy tale had an extremely well endowed male character searching for a bride, no easy task considering his size. He finally found one and they decided to get married. Some time before the wedding they had a party, but they didn't have enough places for people to sit. The man unzipped his trousers and rolled out his member for people to use as a bench. When the bride to be entered the room, the man instantly got an erection, throwing the people who were using it as a bench into the roof, breaking their necks.
Newspaper Comics
In one FoxTrot strip, Peter's (heh heh, I said "peter") entire baseball team is standing before the coach with huge bulges in their pants. The coach Face Palms and says, "Boys, I thought I told you to let the store tell you what cup size you need."
And pretty much all of Val's on-screen storylines, including one where he very nearly got it chopped off for fooling around with the kayfabe wife of a rival manager. His manhood was saved by a conveniently-timed Celebrity Guest appearance by John Wayne Bobbitt and shrinkage.
And used extensively by both Triple H and Shawn Michaels in the original incarnation. Man...
Stand-up Comedy
Chris Rock's routine once included a bit about how, if they ever made a heated hockey rink, black athletes would take over that sport.
Chris Rock: He ain't even gonna have a stick! He gon' smack the puck with his dick! POW! 'Slapshot, biatch!'
Ron White has jokingly described his member as only being a few inches long, but about eighteen inches in diameter, "Like a cheese wheel!"
In another skit, he tells of taking a vacation and encountering a man who must have had a fully grown squirrel stuffed into his speedo. He meets this same man again, this time at a nude beach...
And it looked like a python had eaten the squirrel and taken its place!
Craig Shoemaker's "The Lovemaster" persona was made of this trope. Hell, at one point, he refers to it as a "Penis Collossus".
My dick is so big Stephen Hawking's got a theory about it. My dick is so big there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick. My dick is so big I have to call it "Mr. Dick" in front of company. My dick is so big it can chew gum. (WTF?) My dick is so big it's got its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick. My dick is so big, movie theaters serve popcorn in small, medium, large and My Dick.
Part of his old stand-up routine addressed this as well. "You shouldn't be able to be good-looking AND have a big dick; it needs to be one or the other. Look at Ron Jeremy. That's fair."
The mp3 in question is actually a portion of the audio version of his book "Dirty Jokes And Beer".
Tabletop Games
In Dungeons And Dragons, there is a spell which "can enlarge any limb" (Bigby's Enormous Member). With some DM Fiat, the character can cast it on their own wang and hit the monsters with it. They took it out in 4th edition, though. It may be put back in with a caveat that people only have 4 limbs, except if they have tails then it's 5.
New World Of Darkness Armory references this in the segment on places to carry concealed weapons, noting that a bulge in a man's pants will likely be assumed to be "anything but a..um...small weapon".
In the Old Comedy of Ancient Greece, where all actors were men, the costumes indicated the character's gender in a not particularly subtle way, with Gag Boobs for the "women" and a big, wooden, red Gag Penis (a phallos) hanging down the men's tunics.
This was used by Aristophanes in Lysistrata, where the huge erectephalloi demonstrate very clearly the men's frustration at the hands (or not at the hands) of their women.
An old Burlesque joke, which shows up in The Sting, told by Leonard Barr, an old Burlesque comic. The punchline is, "Yeah, but this one's eating my popcorn!"
The older, Japanese-only games also had Cthulhu with a very obvious penis hanging out from under its tentacles.
Metal Gear Solid 2, during the Raiden segment. If an alert is caused and Raiden heads to the torture rack, a soldier will come, investigate him, and be shocked and envious at the size. Also, Snake teases him about it later - "Amazing how you can walk around".
In Metal Gear Solid 3, Para-Medic tells Big Boss about how Godzilla grew huge when he was exposed to nuclear radiation. Big Boss, who was exposed to a nuclear blast, suggests 'maybe that's why my pants have been so tight lately'.
BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger gives us Iron Tager, a mechanicallyenhanced man. At one point, the Mad Scientist who "upgraded" him ponders adding a rocket attachment to his Gigantic Tager!, but, hey, he does weigh over half a ton and stands better than two meters tall.
Dantes Inferno pushed the boundaries of Fanservice and is one of the VERY rare video games to show a blatant, uncensored, fully visible penis. Of course, being that of Lucifer himself, it's... impressively developed to say the least: it's complete with Jiggle Physics. According to a feature on the disc, long talks were held to decide exactly how big his penis would be. At one point a dev apparently decided to make it big enough to drag the floor.
Penis mods for the game The Sims 2 will almost always be huge and erect. It's also the same for boobs.
There is one that lets you customize pretty much everything so you can choose whether to play up this trope or give your guys more modest dimensions.
Nearly every online game that allows editing of the world will have an endless supply of giant penises. Good examples include Minecraft, Garry's Mod and LittleBigPlanet.
In Saints Row: The Third, it's possible to give The Boss this by bumping his "Sex Appeal" up to the maximum. There's also The Penetrator, an absolutely massive purple dildo used to beat people over the head with.
A College Roomies from Hell!!! strip in which Dave gets "brainwarped" (turned on to the point of incoherence) and takes his hand off the bag he's carrying, and it doesn't fall down.
In Peter Is The Wolf, there is one part of Peter that isn't undersized, much to the amazement of the women. The series has a 'Clean' version and an 'Adult' version; the latter makes it visibly clear that there is no exaggeration to the jokes made in the former: Let's just say that his girlfriend would not survive it in human form.
In the now defunct Pantheon, the Greek god Priapus made some appearances. The early strips make no explicit reference, but he always appears with a covered wheelbarrow in front of him.
Captain Light in The Easy Breather. We actually see him naked a few times, but even while clothed, his penis bulges a lot. To witness his monstrous junk in all its tight-pantsed terror is to know fear.
Hilariously averted in Steal This Comic. Our hero Devon is caught naked fleeing through a soccer game, and gets a censor bar in the front that offends his vanity. The replacement censor bar is well tropeworthy. (The censor bar in back is the punchline...)
In Better Days, there is Marvin Lipschitz... whose is visible through his Halloween costume at a school dance and reappears years later when he's rediscovered as a straight (and very wise) male stripper. "The penis spoke. And it was wise."
Inverted by Gaia Online. Johnny Gambino and Gino have both exposed themselves at some point in the comics, both with comically small censoring. Due to his Cloning Blues, the same can be assumed of Labtech X, which according to Fanon is why he has gigantic phallic crystals in the tunnel leading to his lair.
Both Gambino's censor bubble and GinOverseer's lens flare censor are now equippable as the bonus poses in their respective dolls.
However, non-official art by Nicolae's creator indicates that he fills a kilt nicely.
The Order of the Stick's Elan seems to have an 18 Charisma "under the hood", enough so that his regular bouts of naked invisibility net him the keys to strange womens' hotel rooms.
As his twin brother, Nale presumably has the same endowments. And Roy's "Trouser Titan" (yes, he really calls it that) is assumed to be large as well. But it's a stick figure comic, so who can tell?
Rayne in Least I Could Do is, so we're told, superhumanly endowed. It's never explicity shown, but very strongly implied.
This is what it was intended to be, but if the art is any indication then he wished for a three-inch pianist.
The title text actually addresses this. Though it can be hard to tell scale from the image, apparently if the piano were smaller he would need a three-inch pianist.
Claiming Marten in Questionable Content has one of these was a running joke for a while. It's never actually been confirmed that he does, but Raven was convinced he did, and Dora has never argued the point.
Platinum Grit: Kate takes a picture with a Polaroid of Jeremy junior, while he was unconscious do to alcohol intoxication, and she is totally shocked as is her gay brother Andre when he finds the infamous picture.It looks like Jeremy's phobia of sex are not based on anatomical problems.
In You Damn Kid, an arc centers around the main character's father buying an enormous fake penis.
When Sluggy Freelance did a Voldemort parody, it recreated the scene where he goes from a shriveled infant to a grown man. Torg's response?
Torg: Are you sure you did the spell right? Why is his wee-wee still baby-sized?
Kit 'n Kay Boodle stars a pair of anthropomorphic foxes with cartoonish and almost Chibi-like proportions. Except they're naked and do not have Anime Anatomy. And their genitals are apparently not drawn to the same proportions. In some shots Kit's penis is nearly as long as his legs.
In this review of Watchmen, it was impossible to NOT mention the giant, naked, absurdly endowed, blue Dr. Manhattan. One reviewer notes that white men just aren't built that way (cue cartooned versions of a black reviewer and Dr. Manhattan standing nude side by side, the black guy grinning at his larger Censored box). Another reviewer notes that Dr. Manhattan rebuilt himself after being disintegrated, and clearly improved his muscle tone while he was at it (those aren't the ABS of a geek, either!)... if you could do that, wouldn't you endow yourself in ALL directions? (cue Dr. Manhattan's Censored box growing... and growing... and the black reviewer's grin fading, then turning to utter dismay)
Apparently, Crunchbite (the elite from the original Red vs. Blue) is rather well endowed. Ax Crazy Tex would rather stare at it than Tucker's actual sword. And Caboose thought it was a third arm.
Andy: Hey Caboose! Hi five! Caboose: I don't want to do that anymore.
A post on Bad Roleplayers Suck: Adult about a birdman (capable of flight!) with genitalia almost the size of the whole rest of his body. When he tried to blackmail the princess of an asexual race into pleasuring him, she screamed at the unfamiliar sight and had her bodyguards break it off with giant wooden clubs. Possibly justified, if this birdman was part duck—ducks have a penis length that is about 120% of their total body length.
It would seem that Benzaie of That Guy With The Glasses is an example, if his underwear dancing ("Helicopter", anyone?) is anything to go by...wow...
In the 2010 Christmas Special, The Nostalgia Critic gets an eyeful of The Cinema Snob's "lightsaber", prompting comments such as "It's not human!"
Played straight and then played with in the BEArchive story Keeps The Autodoc Away, where a married couple feel that their bodies are woefully out of shape compared to the people on TV. So, the couple find a desperate space miner with access to the titular Autodoc, so they take the job so the machine would "cure" them of being out of shape. Al tells the Autodoc to, among other things, turn all his many layers of fat into an enormous penis, which he manages to wrap around himself 17 times, and then goes off to go show it to Betty, his wife. He later passes out and nearly dies from a seven-foot erection, which was nowhere near its full length. Oh, and if it wasn't obvious enough, this link is not exactly safe for work.
In Penny Arcade's D&D Podcast there is a interesting conversation from season two. Apparently dwarven penises are shaped like a tuna can.
"When women see it, they say it's time for some more chicken of the sea"
Western Animation
One episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law featured Inch-High Private Eye as the defendant. In one scene, set in a sauna, the literally inch-tall man whips off his towel in response to a comment disparaging his package. Cue Phil Ken Sebben: "Ha ha! (Shakes head, visibly disturbed) Not to scale..."
Drawn Together likes this one. In a Survivor parody cut short, a naked Jeff Probst appears. The black censor box over his anatomy hangs past his knees. (The token gay character is rather upset when the cast members leave rather than face this 'physical challenge')
In one scene, Captain Hero is taking a shower with an uber-macho Terminator knock-off. Hero's censor bar only goes down a couple of inches. The androids' is past his knees.
One episode of Family Guy revolves around Peter coping with his son's penis being so much larger than his. Including some of the least subtle Freudian imagery imaginable in a show on network television.
Tommy Lee, the drummer from Mötley Crüe, was shown in Celebrity Deathmatch knocking off an opponent by unzipping his pants and thrusting his massive boner to the other guy's eye.
Essentially, the whole fight was one big Gag Penis gag. Tommy's opponent was equally famously endowed porn star Ron Jeremy, and both men were dressed in chicken suits, so that the match could be billed as... the "Cockfight." Bet you saw that one coming (unlike poor Ron, who now needs an Eyepatch of Power).
And speaking of Ron Jeremy, an episode of Robot Chicken based on the Surreal Life depicted him using his erect member as a jousting lance.
And that one episode of The Surreal Life, where the real Ron actually was naked. He later said he was somewhat peeved that the censoring box went "practically down to [his] knees".
On an episode of ReBoot, Enzo and AndrAIa are in a Toon-style game. Towards the end of the game, the user is flashed by one of the binomes. With his back to the screen, he opens his coat... *THUD*
In the Clone High episode where Joan pulls a Sweet Polly Oliver, Genghis Khan passes her in the locker room... accompanied by a dragging sound and Joan's shocked gasp.
In an episode of The Boondocks, straitlaced lawyer Tom Dubois has a lifelong fear of being anally raped in prison; it opens with him having a nightmare involving a prison shower, an inmate with a swinging censoring mosaic reaching past his knees, and a dropped bar of soap... (There was no mosaic on the DVD, though.)
In the South Park Episode "Erection Day", Jimmy has a nightmare in which his performance on stage is ruined by a boner of truly epic proportions.
From the theme song during one season: "I have got a ten-inch penis / Use your mouth to help me clean it."
Brock Samson from The Venture Bros., going along with his unparalleled manliness, is shown (through a towel) to have an impossibly large penis.
An early episode has a villain's henchman break into spontaneous applause upon seeing a naked Brock.
Col. Bud Manstrong: Is there a Smurf living in there?
Similarly, when Homer makes a dating video for Ned in one episode of The Simpsons, Homer had evidently added generous pixelation to the shot of Ned showering.
When Maggie was born, Homer confused the umbilical cord with genitalia. His remark before the clarification? "Ah, it's a boy... And what a boy!"
There are more examples of Ned packing serious meat. From the suggestive "foot-long" scene between himself and Maude, through to his careful wearing of an EXTRA-LARGE fig-leaf when he plays Adam in one of his home-made Bible videos. And, given how modestly Christian he is, it's probably a safe bet that he isn't exaggerating...
Though certainly not on the show, Drew Pickles in Speakonia videos will often talk about his 300 mile long cock.
On Robot Chicken, the Surreal Life cast is involved in a Lord of the Rings mission. You can guess what Ron Jeremy eventually discards his axe for while his horse does an eye take. The long censor box even knocks the enemy off his horse.[1]
American Dad parodied this along with the stereotype that African American males have large penises. Klaus, the goldfish with a German man's brain got his brain transplanted into an black man's body. He then proceeded to purchase condoms. At the drug store, he passes the smalls, passes the mediums, passes the larges, and finally pulls out a massive trash bag. After a few suggestive brow winks and hip thrusts, he fills the bag with boxes of medium-sized condoms.
