Film / Horse Feathers
Ain't No Rule that says you can't use an improvised chariot in a football game!

Professor Wagstaff: I'm Professor Wagstaff of Huxley College.
Baravelli: That means nothing to me.
Professor Wagstaff: Well, it doesn't mean anything to me either. I'll try it over again. I'm Professor Huxley of Wagstaff College.
Baravelli: Well, you didn't stay at the other college very long.

Horse Feathers (1932) is the fourth Marx Brothers film, and arguably their first undiluted classic.

Groucho Marx plays the incoming president of Huxley College, Quincy Adams Wagstaff, while his son Frank (Zeppo Marx) divides his time between attending classes and wooing Connie Bailey (Thelma Todd), the local College Widow. To turn around the school's declining fortunes, President Wagstaff tries to recruit two star football players from a local Speakeasy, but ends up signing the stockboy Baravelli (Chico Marx) and dog-catcher Pinkie (Harpo Marx) instead. Now they have to win an upcoming football game against the rival school, Darwin, who have hired pro ballers as ringers posing as students and recruited Bailey to retrieve the secret Huxley playbook.

The whole thing is, of course, an excuse for the usual Marx family lunacy. It lacked the satirical edge of Duck Soup and the social relevance of A Night at the Opera, but is forever beloved by college professors for its musical statement of administrative purpose: "Whatever it is, I'm against it!"

Has the following tropes:

  • Always Gets His Man: Invoked in song by Professor Wagstaff.
  • Asymmetric Dilemma:
    Groucho: Have you ever had any experience as a kidnapper?
    Chico: You bet. You know what I do when I kidnap somebody? First I call 'em up on the telephone, then I send 'em my chauffeur.
    Groucho: Oh, have you got a chauffeur? What kind of a car have you got?
    Chico: Oh, I no got a car, I just got a chauffeur.
    Groucho: Well maybe I'm crazy, but when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car?
    Chico: Well I had one, but you see it cost too much money to keep a car and a chauffeur so I sold the car.
    Groucho: Well that shows you how little I know. I would've kept the car and sold the chauffeur.
    Chico: That's no good. I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning.
    Groucho: Well if you've got no car, how can he take you to work?
  • Banana Peel: Pinkie drops a whole bunch of them to trip up the opposing football players.
  • Big Game
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: Wagstaff, during Baravelli's piano playing:
    Wagstaff: I've got to stay here. But there's no reason why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby 'til this thing blows over.
  • The Cast Showoff: Not only do Harpo and Chico get to show off their musical skills with the harp and the piano, but even Groucho gets a turn with the guitar.
  • Closet Shuffle: Done when Frank, Wagstaff, Baravelli, and Pinkie all visit Connie at the same time.
  • College Widow: Probably the only movie centered around this idiom that people still watch.
  • Excuse Plot: Like every other Marx Brothers film, the plot is just an apparatus to string gags on.
  • Expensive Glass of Crap: Served by a local speakeasy.
  • Fruit of The Loon: Pinkie snacks on a banana with a reclosable peel.
  • Getting Crap Past the Radar:
    • (Wagstaff, while pointing to the backside of a horse) "That reminds me, I haven't seen my son all day."
    • Also (after renting a canoe), "I wanted to get a flat bottom, but the girl in the boat house didn't have one."
    • "For you, I'd make love to a crocodile." (see Having a Gay Old Time).
  • Gretzky Has the Ball: There is no way anybody could possibly think that the referee would let somebody ride down the field in a chariot and use every spare football in it as a separate touchdown, no matter how much bribery was involved. Also, Huxley College received a kick-off from rival Darwin after scoring a touchdown, as opposed to kicking off to Darwin.note 
  • Harpo Does Something Funny: Unsurprisingly, the movie has several scenes which do nothing but provide an excuse to show off Harpo's antics, such as Pinkie's encounter with the police officer who tries to write him up for blocking traffic.
  • Having a Gay Old Time:
    • "Are you making love to me?" asks Connie in bed, to Frank. In this time period, making love referred to the act of flirting instead of sex, which is just as well considering Wagstaff's remark about making love to crocodiles.
    • Though this was also right around the time that the phrase was taking on its modern meaning, making you wonder just how accidental it is. After all, the Marxes were a notoriously dirty stage act.
  • Hurricane of Puns: "I'd walk a mile for a calomel." Half of the puns are now pretty dated, but the other half will still leave you groaning.
  • "I Am" Song: Wagstaff's "I'm Against It" and "I Always Get My Man".
  • I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You: Done when Wagstaff tries to guess the password to get into the speakeasy.
  • Is There a Doctor in the House?: Played with during the Big Game — after watching his team get clobbered, Wagstaff calls out, "Is there a doctor in the house?" When a man says he's a doctor, Groucho asks, "How do you like the game, Doc?"
  • Literal Metaphor: After Wagstaff chastises Pinkie by saying "you can't burn a candle at both ends," Pinkie produces a candle burning at both ends from under his longcoat.
  • MacGuffin:
    • The playbook, which Darwin College wants to steal, because they really want to win a football game for some reason. It's even more baffling since the film clearly establishes that Huxley is a terrible team that any competent rival could easily beat without cheating. These are the kinds of details that don't matter in a Marx Brothers movie.
    • The antagonist mentions that's he's bet rather heavily on the game, but it's never really brought up again.
  • Marry Them All: Inverted; Connie ends up marrying Wagstaff, Baravelli, and Pinkie all in the same ceremony.
  • Mathematician's Answer: When Groucho is teaching a class, Harpo puts a picture of a beautiful woman over the blackboard while Groucho's back is turned:
    Groucho: "Baravelli, whose responsible for this? Is this your picture?"
    Chico: I don't think so. It doesn't look like me."
  • Old-Fashioned Rowboat Date: Wagstaff has a rowboat date with Connie, who is trying to seduce him to steal the Darwin playbook. The dialogue is anything but chaste, and the date ends with her falling into the water and Wagstaff cracking wise rather than saving her. Also, she was the one doing the rowing while Wagstaf sat under the parasol and sang to her.
  • The Password is Always "Swordfish": The trope-namer, if not the trope-maker. There was a scene in the film where Harpo entered the speakeasy with his own brand of Sign Language (in this case, running a fish through with a sword and presenting it to the doorman).
  • Running Gag: All four brothers give their own rendition of the song "Everyone Says I Love You."
  • Secret Word: An entire scene is built around people unable to enter a room unless they say the secret password, which Wagstaff and Baravelli unknowingly keep saying.
  • Shout-Out: To Charles Darwin and his advocate Thomas Henry Huxley.
  • Slapstick Knows No Gender: Groucho and Thelma Todd share a kayak ride on a lake. Guess which one of them falls into the water.
  • Super Ringer: Huxley hires two of them for the game.
  • Waxing Lyrical: Wagstaff, during his first address as President of Huxley College, briefly lapses into the old vaudeville song "Any Rags?"
  • What Happened to the Mouse?:
    • Frank disappears prior to the end of the film. His subplot was meant to have been wrapped up during the scenes cut from the film (see "Missing Episode" on the Trivia page for details).
    • At one point the brothers interrupt a teacher while he is giving a class and Pinkie and Baravelli bail him out of the room. They later return with his gown (and beard), but the teacher never returns and is never mentioned again.
  • Wimp Fight: Done by Baravelli and Pinkie when they attempt to kidnap the two big football players from Huxley. Baravelli gets Pinkie into fighting mode until he's puffed up, huffing and cross-eyed with rage — and then grins as he gives them each a little slap on the face. He then gets hurled across the room onto a couch.
    • Written-In Infirmity: Baravelli is sitting down for most of the scene because Chico Marx had earlier been in an accident that shattered his kneecap.