Funny / Horse Feathers

  • "Get tough with that guy." "Now get tough with the other guy." "Now get tough with both of them."
  • The speakeasy/password scene.
  • The anatomy class.
  • The football game.
    • Especially Chico calling the plays. "Hey-diddle-diddle, de cat an' de fiddle, dis time I think we go down the middle!"
  • "I'm Against It"
  • "Was that you or the duck? 'Cuz if that was you, I'm finishing this ride with the duck."
  • Groucho's rendition of "Everyone Says I Love You". "Everyone says I love you, but just what they say it for I never knew. It's just invitin' trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you."
  • This:
    Professor Wagstaff: Young man, you'll find as you get older, you can't burn the candle at both ends.
    (Harpo pulls a candle burning at both ends from out of his coat)
    Professor Wagstaff: (nonplussed, for Groucho) Well, I knew you couldn't burn something at both ends. I thought it was a candle.
  • And this:
    Zeppo: [congratulating Groucho on his speech] I'm proud to be your son.
    Groucho: You took the words right out of my mouth; I'm ashamed to be your father.
  • Groucho looks at a picture of the back end of a horse: "That reminds me, I haven't seen my son all day!"
  • "You're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible."
  • "Why don't you go home to your wife? I'll tell you what: I'll go home to your wife. Outside of the improvement, she'll never know the difference."
  • Groucho's reaction to Connie's "icky girl" baby talk is hilarious.