Board James is a Cinemassacre Web Original series, created and starred by James Rolfe, famous for his work with the Nerd and the Bullshit Man. You can find the series hereBoard James is a pretty normal guy, a kid at heart who collects a great variety of Board Games as a hobby, and reviews them. Sometimes Board James does his reviews alone, and from time to time he's joined by his vitriolic best budMotherfucker Mike, who is a bit of a cheater when it comes to playing the games. And when there's a place on the board for an extra player, there's Bad Luck Bootsy, an annoying but friendly guy who is prone to ruining the games and who causes nothing but trouble to James, Mike and himself.It started out as a Spin-Off of The Angry Video Game Nerd, but it's now its own series. It follows the same Mid-Review Sketch Show formula that the AVGN helped popularize, but features a much less ''enraged'' style of reviewing, often focusing on the good too.The show was put on hiatus in April 2013 after the Dream Phone episode. According to James, he has plans on continuing the series with a new season, but has fallen behind due to working on the AVGN movie. He says production will begin in fall 2014 at the very least.
The Dragonstrike game has its story explained in a movie-like instructional VHS that came with the game.
And There Was Much Rejoicing: In the "Dream Phone" episode, James and Mike both have the same reaction to Bootsy's death—a brief period of shock and horror (natch), only to quickly come to accept that he's dead mere moments afterward.
Motherfucker Mike: What are those tiles? What's up with the bushes? What's the other deck of cards? What are that circle of explosion pieces? How many times can this guy get hit? Can this guy move first or does he attack first? How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know...
Audience-Alienating Premise: In-Universe, James says this about Dragonstrike. Whenever he tried to find people to play the game with, they would be put off by the seeming complexity of the rules.
Berserk Button: After the Dream Phone episode, try bringing up James' dead friends and see how he reacts.The Nerd figured this out the hard way.
Breaking the Fourth Wall: In the review of Dragonstrike there's a moment in which James starts acting as if he was playing the game with a bunch of friends and starts assigning characters to each one, he then points out to the camera and claims "And you'll be the wizard!".
He splashed hot burning coffee all over his face at the end of the Donut Disaster episode, and in the Splat! episode we see him wearing the eye-patch and bandages over his face.
In the Dream Phone episode, the person on the other end of the line says for James to guess his name if he had the balls. We can't blame him for seeing if Mr. Bucket was the one stalking him. He wasn't.
Again from the Dream Phone episode, Bootsy mentions that his dick was bitten off by a shark. This is a reference to the Shark Attack episode, in which he tried to make love to the plastic shark from the game.
Early Installment Weirdness: The first few reviews would have James explaining the game to the audience. When he actually got to the game, Motherfucker Mike would appear as his cheating opponent. Eventually, Mike became much less antagonistic, and the rules of the game would be explained through conversations between James and Mike.
Eye Scream: Bad Luck Bootsy.At the end of the Tornado Rex review, where he sends Tornado Rex flying, boucing off walls, and into his own eye.
The Faceless: Board James in the first episode. Probably to keep ambiguous whether if the narrator was the Nerd or not.
Fan Sequel: When he was a kid, James made a board game based on Street Fighter II... and tired of waiting for the actual sequel, he made another one based on his own imaginary version of Street Fighter III. One of the characters was ''Dracula''.
GASP!: In the Dream Phone episode when James finds Bootsy's corpse.
Guide Dang It: While playing Battle Masters, Board James had to check the manual before attempting any move. And even with the manual at hand, the rules were way too complicated and confusing, to the point that Mike ended up giving up.
I Know Your True Name: Whoever is calling James on the Dream Phone challenges him to guess his name, asking only yes-or-no questions. It turns out to be the phone itself, and even though James figures it out, it still doesn't give him any power over it.
Board James narrates his games as if they were epic adventures, and not just a man moving figurines across a cardboard board.
In the Dragonstrike review James tells about how he used to get very excited with the introductory video because it presents the game as something seriously epic, then when the video ended, he turned around to actually start playing and discovered that everybody had left the room out of boredom.
Board James: ...And that's what happens.
In the Heroquest episode, Board James spends a considerable amount of time setting up the board as he explains the game mechanics, and after he dramatically reads the instructions for the first quest, Motherfucker Mike is so bored he asks to play another thing, much to James's annoyance.
In the Loopin' Louie episode, the music and the way the video was edited makes the game look really fun and dynamic. In the behind the scenes it seems like it could get a little tedious after a while.
Plot Coupon: Present in some of the adventure Board Games, but played for laughs in the Deadly Danger Dungeon episode.
Motherfucker Mike: I gotta get the key before the talisman and then I gotta go forward and then go back and then climb a ladder and then fuck in...
Poorly Disguised Pilot: The way Board James started. Board James first episode was only called "Board game review", and it was announced like the Nerd doing a review of the game Mouse Trap. Although the narrator appears to be dressed as the Nerd, his face is never on screen and he's not as angry as he usually is. Also, James Rolfe's wedding ring (which he never wears while playing the Nerd) can be seen in his left hand in some of the scenes, suggesting that it was implayed from the start that the reviewer was James Rolfe himself and not his Nerd persona.
The Prankster: One of the home-made games that appear in the Deadly Danger Dungeon episode is called "Mischief Night", and it's about a guy who plays pranks on his neighbors, the pranks went from throwing toilet paper in a yard to blocking someone's front door with bricks and cement.
Precision F-Strike: Bootsy's first two songs ("Tornado Rex" and "Donut Disaster") have one right at the very end.
Board James's breakdown in Shark Attack. Despite the character's tendency to swear often, this time it was strong enough to take Mike aback.
Public Domain Soundtrack: The "Mouse Trap" review uses two classical pieces: "Blue Danube Waltz" and "Marriage of Figaro".
Board James: C'mon—really, guys? This is a really simple fucking game. Why can we just play a fucking board game? (Mike laughs) IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Like, this is the most dysfunctional group of friends I ever had! You're over there cheating, you're over there—making love with the damn shark! I'm bored, I wanna play a fucking board game—you're fucking pissing me off!! FUCK YOU GUYS!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR GUYS' FUCKING PROBLEM?!FUCK!!
Something Only They Would Say: The person calling James on the Dream Phone challenges him to guess his name "if you've got the balls, and I know you've got the balls!". This leads James to suspect Mr. Bucket as the culprit, but upon finding Mr. Bucket still dead in the sink where James left him, it's revealed that the person on the phone (actually the phone itself) purposely invoked this trope just to mess with him.
Dream Phone: Come on! You can do better than that!
Special Guest: There was a whole array of them in the "Loupin' Louie" episode.
Board James himself also appears on the Nerd's "AVGN Games" episode, strangely happy and jovial as usual as if he hadn't almost died and then lost his mind, where he talks about an AVGN Monopoly game with him. When asked about why he isn't in jail, he says he used a get out of jail free card. What? Anyway, he still blames the episode's events on the phone and says that he's completely innocent. Hmm...
Spin-Off: Board James first episode was only called "Board game review" as part of the Nerd videos, but later Board James became its own character.
Though, not entirely related to Board James, there are the 'Motherfuckin Mondays', a review show with Motherfucker Mike as the lead.