Poor Ringo.
"And you've never heard of Ishmael Leseur's Syndrome consider yourself lucky. It's been known to destroy the 'normal behaviour' gene and expose a person's innermost idiot to the world."
— Ishmael Leseur (the world's one and only sufferer)
Don't Call Me Ishmael! is a light-hearted trilogy of Young Adult novels written by Michael Gerard Bauer and centering around cheery loser Ishmael Leseur and his friends, in an Australian all-boys school. Notable largely for an infectious enthusiasm, which suggests that Bauer enjoyed the novel as much as his characters, and for being highly quotable, to the extent that the series named a trope before receiving its own page on the wiki.
The books are:
- Don't Call Me Ishmael (2006)
- Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs (2007)
- Ishmael and the Hoops of Steel (2011)
Characters with major roles in all works of the series include:
- Ishmael Leseur, generally mopey everyman.
- Orazio "Razz" Zorzotto, Ishmael's eventual best friend and self-professed master of all things romantic.
- James Scobie, unlikely champion for losers everywhere.
- Bill Kingsley, dreamy geek, described as "still waters, running shallow".
- Ignatius Prindabel, socially-awkward nerd that eventually develops astounding chick-pulling abilities.
- Kelly Faulkner, the weatherman's sunny daughter, serving as Ishmael's love interest.
- Sally Nofke, Kelly's friend, a math geek that serves as Razz's.
- Prue Leseur, Ishmael's sister, a bright lass that, funnily enough, serves as Scobie's love interest.
- Miss Tarango, Ishmael's eternally cheerful homeroom teacher.
- Mr. Guthrie: environmentally-conscious teacher, serving as Miss Tarango's love interest.
Don't Call Me Ishmael! provides examples of the following tropes:
- Ambiguously Bi: In Hoops of Steel, Jimmy (the Big Man on Campus) and Bill covertly attend a dance together, but earlier in the book, Jimmy drunkenly offended a lot of girls by comparing his penis to a javelin. It's unclear if Jimmy likes boys and girls, staged that incident to make other people and/or himself think he was heterosexual, or was drunkenly hitting on nearby boys and people only thought he was talking to girls.
- Character Development: Ishmael's name barely earns a mention in the third book due to growing self-confidence.
- Chekhov's Gun: Razz's cringeworthy Love Letter Lunacy poem for Ish to send to Kelly (which Ish doesn't send after their friends spend several pages telling Razz that it's crap) from the second book ends up being used for punk rock song lyrics in the third book.
- Chekhov's Skill: Of all things, a character's habit of proffering an index finger whilst quibbling over itty bitty issues of semantics turns out to be useful in hitting a volleyball that's nearly out of reach.
- Deadpan Snarker: Near everyone. A chapter in the first book is dedicated to allowing Scobie to mock the resident bully in the most deadpan tones imaginable.
- Demoted to Extra: Deuteragonist Scobie is only a tetiary character after the first book.
- Embarrassing First Name: Beyond Ishmael, we also have a chap Slobo and another named Emerson.
- Faint in Shock: Ishmael faints during his first debate because he is so nervous. Everybody else thinks it's hilarious, as Ishmael also accidentally gropes his Love Interest Kelly as he faints.
- First-Person Peripheral Narrator: Ishmael serves this role for Scobie for much of the first book.
- Gay Guy Seeks Popular Jock: Bill's relationship with Jimmy "The Main Event" Mainwaring takes place largely off-screen, but seems to be this, since Jimmy is – as his nickname implies – one of the popular jocks at St Daniel's.
- Kissing Under the Influence: In the third book, Ishmael kisses Sally when he accidentally gets drunk on vodka.
- Last-Second Word Swap: Razza is talking about Ignatius when he realizes Mr. Guthrie is in the room.Razza: He wouldn't recognise a poem if it jumped up and bit him on the dic—tionary.
- Literary Allusion Title: To the opening line of Moby-Dick by Herman Melville.
- Malaproper: Running joke fueled by Razz: "elephant of surprise", "male chauffeuring pigs". The first example is somewhat justified. All things being equal, an elephant would be more surprising than an element.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Ishmael feels this way in book three, after drunkenly kissing Sally.
- Platonic Declaration of Love: Razza and Ishmael towards the end of the third book:Razz: Love ya, man! You know, in a totally non-Hoop Boy sort of a way.Ishmael: Love you too, Razz. Same way.
- Prom Is for Straight Kids: In the third book, Bill Kingsley initially doesn't want to bring a date to prom, because he doesn't want to make trouble for the school. However, Razz sets up a Win-Win-Win-Win-situation by suggesting that Bill and his date Jimmy officially go with two girls from Sally's school who were in the same situation and couldn't attend their own prom.
- Put on a Bus: An odd case. After the second book, Barry Bagsley does not appear. He still attends the school, presumably, but is simply "not bothering us anymore".
- Refuge in Audacity: Occasionally lampshaded. Bauer typically sets up as many over-the-top climaxes as possible.
- Scandalgate: In the second book, an event at a pool-party later discussed as Piss-in-the-watergate. It was cordial.
- Some of My Best Friends Are X: Played for Laughs. Razza even has friends who are fans of Manchester United. Manchester United, if you can imagine that.
- Thanks for the Mammary: The first entry into the series. Having fainted due to nerves, Ishmael is mortified to discover to whom he had lunged.
