Para: We are villains who like to rhyme... Dox: In fact, we do it all the time. Para: You may think it's rather crass... Dox: But you can stick your cards right up your nose. Para: ...You were supposed to say "ass," brother. I thought we rehearsed this.
So... you're listening to a song, or are on one of those crazy planets where everyone speaks in verse. A rhyming couplet is set up, but rather than using a rhyme the speaker takes it in a different, non-euphonic direction, either by speaking a different word, having it bleeped out, or cutting off an offending secti-part.
This is most often used for comedy: generally, the rhyme set up and subverted was clearly supposed to be a profanity. (If the replacement word begins the same way as the averted word, this amounts to a deliberate Curse Cut Short.) It's one of the myriad gimmicks used for Getting Crap Past the Radar, and when used this way is known as a "Miss Susie", after one of the most famous examples. Sometimes in this case the cut-off word will appear in a different context as a Midword Rhyme (The steamboat went to Hell/o operator.) Doing this is the only way to get the worse Bawdy Songs on American network television — though of course the trope is much older than that: it's used in an Elizabethan broadside ballad about seducing a maiden, thus making it at least Older Than Steam.
Known as a mind rhyme according to The Other Wiki.
A subtrope of Last-Second Word Swap, with a little bit of—Diet Coke. Compare with Painful Rhyme, Rhyming With Itself and Midword Rhyme.
Examples
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Music
The 1921 classic "Ain't We Got Fun" does the clean version:
There's nothing surer The rich get rich and the poor get — children.
The second time 'round, the poor get "laid off."
Obscure British Art-pop band David Devant and his Spirit Wife and Mr Solo (the lead singers solo project) do this a LOT.
From 'Pimlico':
Sometimes London don't seem too appealing Maybe youre lover is living in Deptford.
From 'Slip it To me':
And my Uncle thinks I'm barmy 'cause i don't pack my bag and join the navy.
From 'Black and White'
I woke up this morning, my head was full of rocks I couldn't remember the night before, I'd lost a pair of shoes
From 'Genius':
This song doesn't make it's own luck 'cause this song doesn't give a flying family planning clinic.
Furthermore the lead singer sometimes changes the lyrics which actually do rhyme when performing live. For instance 'Do you have plans in your head, you wish they'd all go drop dead' becomes 'Do you have plans in your head, you wish they'd fuck off and die'.
Did you come here to dance? What's in your... glass?
A clean classic from U2's "Some Days Are Better Than Others"
Some days you're quick but most days you're speedy Some days you use more force than is necessary
From Madvillain's "Great Day"
Spit so many verses, sometimes my jaw twitches One thing this party could use is more... booze
Tommy Tutone's memetic hit "Jenny (867 5309)" features this little gem
Jenny, Jenny, you're the girl for me You don't know me but you make me so happy
Tommy Heath's awkward pause right before delivering the "happy" line really makes it.
A double subverted lyric with different words than you'd think - Hieroglyphics' Throw it in Ya Grill:
A little bit of this is all I need Can't wait to get home and smoke some salmon Throw it in ya grill, then called my seed (scene?) And when the street lights go off, we're jammin
Not where you thought they'd go with that, was it?
This song's got nothing to say But I'm recording it anyway I know if I put my mind to it I know I could find a good rhyme here
From Daphne and Celeste's cover of "School's Out"
"Sitting in Class Is a pain in the neck''
From the Alice Cooper song of the same title, with lampshaded goodness (and to be fair, it is hard to come up with something that rhymes with "principals"):
Well we got no class And we got no principals And we got no innocence We can't even think of a word that rhymes!
Some people say that bowling alleys got big lanes (got big lanes, got big lanes) Some people say that bowling alleys all look the same (look the same, look the same) There's not a line that goes here that rhymes with anything (anything, anything) I has a dream last night, but I forget what it was (what it was, what it was)
From Alice Cooper's I Love America:
I love my bar and I love my truck I'd do most anything to make a buck I love a waitress who loves to... flirt! They're the best kind
Another Alice Cooper example in "Working Up A Sweat":
The bandages come off today Really feelin' sick The hardest part's explainin' All these blisters on my...NOSE!
The MC Lars song "Internet Relationships":
Let me send you pics for your personal collection I hope they inspire you and give you a... smile
And his "Space Game":
And I'm from Mars, and she's from Venus She has ovaries and I have a... light saber
Stephen Lynch loves doing this in his songs.
"If I Were Gay":
"And if I were gay We would tear down the walls But I'm not gay So won't you stop cupping my...hand!"
"Vanilla Ice Cream":
"Just don't take it personally This is no attack But we will never last because I'm white and you are — also white..."
And in his El Ray Performance...
"I thought college life was great. Ed couldn't count from one to two."
And in "Gynecologist":
When your legs are open, I begin the gropin' But I fear I must be blunt I would just as soon not go near your balloon I think that I'll stick to your. . . front.
Double-Subverted, as it is a rhyme. Just not the one everyone thought it would be.
Also, from the same song: he "loves pu...tting womens' minds at rest".
"Whittlin' Man":
Yeah, he'd whittle if it's light, he'd whittle if it's dark And if Noah was around, well, he'd whittle him an ark He'd whittle something new, and he'd whittle something old He'd whittle something hot, and he'd whittle something rather chilly...
Benny Bell's infamous song "Shaving Cream"; depending on the performance you witness, it has anywhere from 8 to hundreds of verses all in the form:
Our baby fell out of the window You'd think that her head would be split. But luck was with her that morning — She fell in a big pile of shhhhhhhhhhhhh— —SHAV-ing cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look keen.
The Mora Träsk cover of this song, Skidvalla, substitutes ski wax for the shaving cream.
An old friend of mine sang this charming version, a double example:
I think I'll break off with my girlfriend Her antics are queer I'll admit Each time I say, 'Darling, I love you' She tells me that I'm full of ... Shaving cream, shaving cream, be nice and clean Shave every day and you'll always look just like the same old big pile of shit
Invoked and played by Voltaire during the whole song: The Dirtiest Song That Ain't.
Down in Carolina I met a girl with a nice [...] So I reached down between us And I whipped out my [...] Skipped right past the suckin' And got right down to [...] She turned and said: "I gotta ask, Would you slip it into my [...]?
The Assumption Song by Vito Petroccitto Jr. is entirely based on this trope.
There was an old farmer who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow shaking his Fist at the boys playing down by the crick Their feet in the water their hands on their Marbles and playthings...
However, subverted HARD at the very end of the song..
And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her Cookies that she had laid out on her shelf If you think this is dirty you can go f*** yourself!
'Series of Dreams' by Bob Dylan has a good example. Just the opening is quoted here, but the whole song avoids the use of the expected rhyme, although several other words appear in rhyming partnership with dreams.
I was thinking about a series of dreams Where nothing comes up to the top Everything stays down where it's wounded And comes to a permanent stop
Sneakily averted in "Bob Dylan's 115th Dream":
I decided to flip a coin, like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go back to ship or back to jail
So I hocked my sailor's suit and I got a coin to flip
It came up tails, that rhymes with... sails, so I made it back to ship.
Oscar Brand's "Clean Song" is probably familiar to devotees of Dr. Demento:
There was a young sailor who looked through the glass Spied a fair mermaid with scales on her island Where seagulls flew over their nests She combed the long hair that hung over her shoulders...
Allan Sherman used this trope in one of the parodies in his medley "Shticks And Stones" on his 1963 album My Son, The Folk Singer; in this case, he detoured around what was then a borderline obscenity in Yiddish, the word "schmuck":
Oh, I'm Melvin Rose of Texas, And my friends all call me Tex. When I lived in old New Mexico, They used to call me Mex. When I lived in old Kentucky, They called me Old Kentuck. I was born in old Shamokin, Which is why they call me Melvin Rose.
The Killers, Mr. Brightside:
Now they're going to bed, And my stomach is sick, And it's all in my head, But she's touching his chest, now He takes off her dress, now...
Also possibly the chorus.
Churning lovesick lullabies, Choking on your alibis, But it's just the price I pay. Destiny is calling me. Opens up my eager eyes. 'Cause I'mmm Mr. Brightside.
The obscenity-ducking is inverted in Jonathan Coulton's First of May:
Grass below you, sky above, Celebrate Spring with a crazy little thing called... Fuckin' outside.
And in Chiron Beta Prime by the same artist:
That's all the family news that we're allowed to talk about We hope you come and visit us soon I mean we're literally begging you to visit us And make it quick before they [MESSAGE REDACTED].
In his "Kenesaw Mountain Landis", there's one that seems like this at first given his humor, but it turns out to just be an unexpected rhyme scheme (which does get respected the rest of the way):
Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad motherfucker He was seventeen feet tall, he had 150 wives He didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseball He put two and two together and he noticed it was four Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymore
"The Future Soon", which has the following lines:
I'll end world hunger, I'll make dolphins speak, Work through the daytime, spend my nights and weekends Perfecting my warrior robot race...
It's a bit of a stretch, but the intended rhyme is likely "Asleep", though an earlier line describes working "In a space lab in space," which rhymes but doesn't fit the meter of the song.
Alternatively, you can think of "speak" rhyming with the first syllable of "weekends."
Paul And Storm, who often tour with Jonathan Coulton, have one of their own in "Cruel, Cruel Moon." You keep waiting for them to sing "...and then rip me apart." but they never do.
Subverted rhymes aren't always obscured obscenities. From Brian May's song "'39":
And the night followed day And the storytellers say That the score brave souls inside For many a lonely day Sailed across the milky seas
Replace "seas" with the intended rhyme "way," and remember that Brian May's a Ph.D in astrophysics...and the song begins to make more sense.
On the other hand, in Good Company...
Soon I grew, and happy, too My very good friend and me We'd play all day with Sally J. The girl from number four
Popular cheer for cheerleaders:
Ra! Ra! Rhee! Kick 'em in the knee! Ra! Ra! Rhass! Kick 'em in the other knee!
Ah, but don't forget the inverted version:
Ra! Ra! Rhass! Kick 'em in the ass! Ra! Ra! Rhee! Kick 'em in the other ass!
Another cheer like this:
Rick em! Rack em! Rock em! Ruck em! Go out there and really fight em!
One more cheer:
We eat Wheaties! We are fit! The other team doesn't! They eat shhh...redded wheat!
And another!
Chocolate, Strawberry, Banana Split! We think your team plays like, SHIFT to the left, shift to the right...
Depending on your team's colours:
We're red! We're white! We're good! You're...not.
Non-British tropers: The word that would rhyme with white in the above, "shite", is offensive in British English.
There are a lot of these:
Two, four, six, eight, our team is really great! Three, five, seven, nine, you lead petty little lives and you live in a cultural wasteland.
Variation: In this performance of Roy Zimmerman's song "Ted Haggard Is Completely Heterosexual", there is the following couplet:
Zimmerman:Now Ted's a little haggard, but he's thankful for the schism, [audience laughter] Zimmerman: [speaking] "You're right, but wait for it." [sings] And you might find it hard to swallow...the syllogism...
Also, in "Saddam Shame":
Now we've learned our lesson: it's hard to conduct A war when the prewar intelligence sucked. Now some say the country is totally f...ar from anything a well-meaning superpower could ever hope to reconstruct.
And again in "Summer of Loving":
Find a white dress or a tux; It ain't nobody's business who a person marries.
And a cleaner, more subtle version in "Defenders of Marriage":
One summer evening when my woman was doing laundry I shared a six-pack with an old John Bircher And oh so wisely he imparted an ancient quandary To ponder: He Said, "It's nature versus...legislature."
I really couldn't be bothered: My mind was totally blank. So I made myself a cup of tea, Read the paper, had a w-alk in the park.
In "Boy Band":
And we've already had a hit, And you're listening to it, And I'm sure you think it sh-ould be number one already!
Another one from a song he performed on The Now Show:
You gave us digital and satellite, You never said they would be sh-ockingly bad!
And from "Tabloid Journalists":
They'd exploit any tragedy that makes them a buck, And if it makes things worse they don't give a f... ..Or your own protection you'd better beware, There are tabloid journalists everywhere.
And again in a song about the return of amusingly deformed vegetables, and what this might mean for Esther Rantzen (who spent the 70s and 80s anchoring a show that featured them heavily):
She knows very well she had the easiest job, Just holding up a parsnip that looked just like a kno .. ughty thing!
And again in "David Cameron Said Tw..", at the end of every verse (except the last one which just bleeps it out).
And yet again in "We Love Our NHS":
We heard your stories, we're here to bring the missing bit, And if you're losing your own argument, could just be you're full of shanana da da da da naa
And once more with feeling:
Are you having a happy Christmas? Just exactly how happy is it? On a scale of one to ten where one is great and ten is sh-ockingly bad
Comedy artist Worm Quartet performed "Spatula", with multiple instances of the approaching mention of male genitalia being the cue for the chorus of "Spatula, spatula, spatula..."
It's parodied in The Folk Song Army (along with just about every other folk song trope).
The tune don't have to be cle-ver, And it don't matter if you put a couple extra syllables into a line. It sounds more ethnic if it ain't good English, And it don't even gotta rhyme. Excuse me, rine.
An even better example occurs in "My Home Town", where Tom Lehrer replaces an entire line with "I'd better leave this line out just to be on the safe side" or "We're recording tonight, so I'll have to leave this line out", depending on which recording you're listening to (the former for the original studio recording, the latter for a later live performance). The really funny thing about this particular example is that there is no line to leave out. Try as he might, Tom Lehrer couldn't come up with anything that actually rhymed and that sounded better than simply suggesting that there was a line, but he wasn't allowed to include it.
To provide some context, the entire song is a cheerful ditty about all the charming folks in his home town... And about how unspeakably, amorally depraved each one is. The elided line would have described some secret involving "That fellow ... who taught our Sunday School", and "our kindly Parson Brown." Remember, back then it really was the love that dared not speak its name.
Now you're the only one here Who can tell me if it's true, That you love me, And I love me.
This is debatable, but I think they set up "exploited working class" to rhyme with "kiss my ass", but instead used "kiss me, son of god." If you know the song title, you can see this one coming.
Also in "Number 3", then averted on the third line.
A rich man once told me "Hey, life's a funny thing." A poor man once told me that he can't afford to speak. Now I'm in the middle, like a bird without a beak...
Fred Wedlock's 'Handier Household Help' [to name but one of his comic songs to do this]
And you can bung it down the toilet. You can spread it down your halls. You can buy it in pint canisters for putting on your...banisters. It removes the stains from carpet, the blemishes from glass, Keeps your radio free from static. It will fumigate your...attic. (And so on...)
In Draco and the Malfoys' "Potions Yesterday": We were teamed up in duelling class/But no one else believed that I could knock you on your bum
Sometimes inverted in concert.
From Deirdre Flint's Cheerleader:
A cheerleader might not have her GED but she's pursuing one.
A cheerleader might not be a CEO but she'll be... dating one.
The Arrogant Worms are often miscredited with The Assumption Song (see above). Although they never recorded that song, they have pulled this trope with I Pulled My Groin:
I pulled my groin, I pulled my groin
It hurts me when I skate, but not when I master... hills
The pirate-themed band The Jolly Rogers have recorded a song called "The Clean Song" (possibly NSFW) whose lyrics consist entirely of this trope, except for the very end.
In the same vein is a supposed "Old English Folk Song", sung here by Bob Saget.
Although it wasn't a rhyme, the context and the word omitted suggests omitting "surrender" from the song "Valley of the Damned" by Dragonforce was quite meaningful:
Our hearts filled with splendor
Our souls will start over
Bat For Lashes' version of Bruce Springsteen's "I'm On Fire":
Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and blunt
And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my... soul
Used twice in the Bowling For Soup song "99 Biker Friends" which is insulting an un-named abusive boyfriend that titular biker friends and the band wish to beat up. The first time it was played straight:
Such a big man Such a little chick I think it all Goes back to your tiny... pick up truck
The second time was very much subverted:
Tell her that you're sorry Blame it on the beer Your dad was mean to you Your friends think you're... an asshole. And I do too Over compensating For your small shoe
The profanity-ducking version is Subverted by The Pogues in "The Old Main Drag":
One evening as I was lying down by Leicester Square I was picked up by the coppers and kicked in the balls
The ending of Peter Gabriel's "Big Time":
Big time, my belly's getting bigger
Big time, and my bank account
Big time, look at my circumstance
Big time, and the bulge in my big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big, hi there
Certain versions of the song just end it after the last "big".
I believe that only the music video version ends with the "Hi there," which is clearly taken from the beginning of the song.
Genesis pulled this to neat effect in "Land of Confusion". The rhyme of the first couplet in the refrain suggests exactly the opposite of the word used in the second:
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we're given
Use them and let's start trying
To make it a place worth living in
They almost totally avert the trope at the end, though:
Stand up and let's start showing
Just where our lives are going to
Another obscenity free example comes from "I Wish I was a Hudson" by...ummmm...the Hudsons.
...Where I'd quickly learn the system,
Start giving good advice
I'd drink a barrel of whiskey
And I'd eat my beans and...maybe some cornbread. Maybe some cornbread!
And I say that I'm Grrrrrrrrrrrrrowing tired of this shit
By the same artist, My Whole Family
My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way
Maybe it's 'cause of the way I walk
That makes them think that I like... boys
Also by Bo Burnham, Sunday School
Did you know that Satan wears a cape
Made out of a rainbow flag?
And did you know that Jesus hates abortions
Unless the kid was a f- Jew?
Untitled
We'll love him and raise him, till he finally leaves us
What should we name him? How about Adolf.
Little Adooooooooolf!
For reference, here is (one version) of 'Miss Susie', which originated as a jump-rope rhyme:
Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went to Heaven The steamboat went to Hello operator Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me, I'll paddle your Behind the refrigerator There was a piece of glass Miss Susie sat upon it and broke her little Ask me no more questions Tell me no more lies The boys are in the girls' room Pulling down their flies are in the city bees are in the park Miss Susie and her boyfriend Are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K D-A-R-K [fast] DARK, DARK, DARK Dark is like a movie A movie's like a show A show is like a TV screen And that is all I know I know I know my mother I know I know my pa I know I know my sister With the alligator bra!
A somewhat similar nursery rhyme-type song:
Three little angels, all dressed in white Trying to get to heaven on the end of a kite The kite string broke and down they all fell Instead of going to heaven, they all went to Two little angels... (This continues on until the end of 'one little angel'.) Don't get excited Don't lose your head Instead of going to heaven They all went to bed.
The path you tread is narrow and the trumpets sheer and very high
the ravens all are watching from a vantage point nearby
aprehension creeping like a tube train up your spine
will the tight rope reach the end, will the final couplet rhyme?
The final couplet of the song, of course, is the only one which doesn't rhyme.
Subverted by comedian Brian Posehn's "Metal By Numbers" which sets up a obscene rhyme, only to replace it with another word, that means the same thing.
It's metal by numbers!
it's not arithmetic!
John Mayer or Kelly Clarkson,
they both can suck my... penis
Done in Jib Jab's latest 'Year in Review' song, where the lyrics cut to the same word, only in a different context.
Global market meltdowns, A bailout by the Fed Fanny, Freddy, AIG and Lheman crapped the Bedlam in Afghanistan The Big Three self-destruct Jessie Jackson threatened to cut off Obama's Nutjobs made a bigfoot And Spitzer's friend turned tricks Duchovny went to rehab 'coz he couldn't control his Dick needed a kickstart, the US needed gas Harry showed the world his wand and Miley showed her Ask me any question, I'll give it to you straight For your sake kid I sure do hope '09 ain't like '08
"Flavor of the Month" by Black Sheep:
Just a brown fellow
Who's not afraid of Jello
To the people of the world
I would like to say G'day
Tally Hall presents a pseudo-example of this for a blink-and-you'll-miss-it gag in the song "Haiku":
I've never thought much of formulaic verse anyway And rhymes are not my forte. [correctly pronounced as "fort"]
From "Backdoor Lover", the song-within-a-band-within-a-movie from the Josie and the Pussycats film (wherein the title is a metaphor for both secret affairs and, ah, "unorthodox" sexual relations):
Some people use the front door But that's never been my way Just 'cause i slip in back doors, Well, that doesn't make me... hey!
Multiply double-subverted in Anthrax's song "I'm the Man":
"Drink the drinks, the drinks they drank
I put my money in the bank
They cut their crack, they offer joints
We don't do drugs, do you get our..."
"Meaning!"
"Point! Point! Watch the beat!"
A lovely little song entitled Sweet Violets does this trope for the entirety of the song. A snippet:
There once was a farmer who took a young miss
behind the barnyard and gave her a lecture
on gooses and chickens and eggs
and told her she had the most beautiful manners
that suited a girl of her charm
a girl that he'd like to take up in his washing and ironing
and then if she did
then they could get married and raise lots of sweet violets!
The aforementioned "Assumption Song" uses the same tune but this one's much cleaner!
The Rick Moranis song "9 More Gallons" pulls this in the first two verses (the third verse has a similar subverted intent, but manages to rhyme anyway):
I work all day
To pay the rent
Before the money's earned
It's all been allocated
And in the second:
Work all night
I'm always tired.
Hope my boss
Doesn't get me laid off.
Brook Benton's "Boll Weevil Song":
The boll weevil said to the farmer "Farmer, I'd like to wish you well" Farmer said to the boll weevil "Yeah, and I wish that you went...lookin' for a home..."
Fairly common in the song Oh, You'll Never Go To Heaven:
Oh you'll never go to heaven on a blade of grass, 'Cos a blade of grass will cut your leg.
Oh you'll never go to heaven in a portaloo, 'Cos a portaloo is full of water.
Amateur Transplants' "Beautiful Song", to the tune of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful", tells the story of a young boy and his middle-aged best friend:
You find me after school.
You watch me in the pool.
You make me laugh when you act silly.
You take me to the swings.
You buy me sweets and things.
Sometimes I play with your watch.
The Pixies' "Vamos":
They'll come and play
Their friends will say
Your daddy's rich
Your mama's a pretty thing
The Violent Femmes' "Gimme The Car", where the profane rhymes are suddenly interrupted by guitar slides:
Come on dad, I ain't no runt
Come on girl, gimme your- * sproing*
Every verse of "The Air Is Getting Slippery" by Primus ends on one of these:
And then he'll teach you how to... find yourself!''
Many Country Music songs subvert a rhyme to "ass": "Honky Tonk Attitude" by Joe Diffie, "You Ain't Much Fun" by Toby Keith, "Men" by The Forester Sisters, etc. Diffie uses a "well", and the other two use a "yeah". Also in Jo Dee Messina's "I'm Alright", she just doesn't say the word at all: "Been on top of the world and off on our…" When Phil Vassar (who wrote the song) did his own rendition for a Greatest Hits Album, he sang "asses."
Chad Brock's "Lightning Does the Work" takes it a step further:
I've seen lightning blow a cypress tree in half
The thunder's busy talkin', and lightning's kickin'... (thunderclap)
Another Country Music example from Blaine Larsen's "Chillin'":
I'm talkin' jet skis and inner tubes
Pretty girls with big ol'... blue eyes
And yet another, from "The Truth About Men" by Tracy Byrd:
If you wanna know what we're all thinkin'
It's nothin' too complex
Just somethin' cold for drinkin'
And a whole lotta S-E-yeah, that's the truth about men...
Chico Buarque, Brazilian musician, once used this in his song "Cálice". This song was a heavy protest against the military dictatorship that occupied Brazil back then. The subverted rhyme was a way of Getting Crap Past the Radar, making it a rare non-comedic example. Being such a serious and powerful song, most people appreciate the subtlety. AND it actually rhymes better this way. Yes, Chico is a genius!! It's also unusual in that the substituted part is before the part it is supposed to rhyme (he substituted the word puta, that means bitch or whore, for the word outra, other).
De que me vale ser filho da santa
Melhor seria ser filho da outra
Outra realidade menos morta
Tanta mentira, tanta força bruta
I kinda did a translation for English-speaking people, sorry if it's bad, Cálice is very hard to translate.
What's the worth of being son of the saint
Would be better being son of the other
Another reality, less dead
So many lies, so much brute force
Also from Brazil, but comedic: "Julieta" is a raunchy succesion of those. For one easy to translate:
I know a girl called Dorothea, She is very sick, she's got... a cold
Mr. Brown by Glow:
Yes, Mr. Brown just doesn't look as if he's rich Cause all the money he earns goes directly in the bank
The Lonely Island inverts using this trope for censorship in "We Like Sportz."
Single, double, triple, home run
For the celebration I'll shoot my gun
I like my friend, he's a real guy's guy
He's not a loudmouth like that cunthole, Steve!
Which is in fact a reference another example in an older song, "Just 2 Guyz": ''I like playing games in the pool/Who invited Steve? That dude's a cunt!"
They may tell you it's only their job, But they love it every bit, So when they say it's not their way they're talking a lot of hypocrisy They hate you!
Most iterations of the chorus to A Tribe Called Quest's "Ham N' Eggs" do use the expected rhyme ("Not at all"), but towards the end of the song it's momentarily switched to:
I don't eat no ham n' eggs
Cuz they're high in cholesterol
Afrika do you eat 'em? No.
Pos, do you eat 'em?
Hell yeah, all the time!
Also "Can I kick it", 'hair' is forced to rhyme with everything else, but not 'wear' or 'air'
Make a note on the rhythm we gave ya
Feel free, drop your pants, check your ha-ir
Do you like the garments that we wear?
I instruct you to be the obeyer
A rhythm recipe that you`ll savor
Doesn`t matter if you`re minor or major
Yes, the tribe of the game, rhythm player
As you inhale like a breath of fresh air
Dream Theater's "As I Am". Might not be intentional, but it works anyway. The phrase seems like it should be "You cannot touch the way I roll"
You're thinking too much
Where is your soul?
You cannot touch the way I
Play
Or tell me what to say
Toy Matinee's "Turn it on Salvador" contains this. Quoted directly from the lyrics insert:
Even tied, eggs you fried, out of luck
What the [some 15th century German word]
[some 15th century German word]
This may render the lyrics impossible for anyone to sing ever again, since the singer/main songwriter died, others might not remember the word, and it is incomprehensibly slurred and trailing-off; it sounds a tiny bit similar to "squawk."
"Chippy Tea" by The Lancashire Hotpots:
Her inspiration's Ready Steady Cook Am I eating it? Am I... It's Friday night, I want a chippy tea!
It were from a lass in Lancashire, her page had loads of hits I saw the pictures in her profile, she had absolutely massive too-ra-loo-ra-aye! and: She said she had no transport, so a lift she'd cadge And if I played my cards right, I'd get to feel her too-ra-loo-ra-aye!
In Eric Bogle's "Introduction Song", in which the members of the band introduce themselves, the bass player gets this:
I play electric bass, With an educated thumb, If you think my face is hairy, (instrumental line)
of Montreal's "My Favorite Boxer":
Hector Ormano is my favorite boxer. He goes smasho and everyone cheers. He turns big men into whimpering cowards. He's so strong and...how I adore him.
Then there is the Emilie Autumn version of the popular "Miss Lucy" song- here's just a part of it. (The rest can be found here.
Miss Lucy had some leeches Her leeches liked to suck And when they drank up all her blood She didn't give a Funny
Barry Cryer and Ronnie Golden with "Big Fat John" (Prescott, that is):
He came from Hull, he was true grit. He was full of hope and he was full of integrity.
Played straight in Bob Rivers' A Visit From Saint Nicholson:
And a stiff drink for Mommy in a nice tall glass
She could really use something to kill that bug up her chimney
The bridge of Rin Barton's Favorite Tiny Cat has this:
Everything that happens, I know it's just bad luck
Even when I get home to find you've managed to poop on the wall, how did you even do that, what the fff-
-favorite tiny cat, you're my favorite tiny cat...
If I put my fingers here And if I say "I love you, dear" And if I play the same three chords Will you just yawn and say, "oh — It's all been done"
Johnny Horton's "The Battle of New Orleans":
Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise If we didn't fire our muskets 'til we looked 'em in the eye We held our fire 'til we seed their faces well Then we opened up our squirrel guns and really gave 'em — well...
Spoofed with "The Battle of Kookamunga" by Homer and Jethro. The missing word is not a profanity, though it would make the song racier.
We kept real still and we had our eyes a-glued We saw how they were dressed, they were swimming in the- well now...
Frank Zappa's "Father O'Blivion" has a rather prolonged one:
He was looking rather bleary
He forgot to watch the clock
'Cause the night before behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked, yes...
The night before behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it!)
The night before behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked his...
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh - stroked his smock!
Harry Chapin's "W.O.L.D." serves up a mild variation of this, only with the "offending" word replaced with the thump of a drum rather than a different word:
There's a tire around my gut
From sittin' on my (* thump* )
And then there's Wodega, which is an entire song built on this.
Jon Lajoie's rap parody "I Kill People" manages to rhyme most of the time, however awkward and beige they may be. But when he decides to praise his own lines, well... read it and see.
Look around tell me what you see What's happening to you and me? God grant me the serentity, To remember who I am. Cause you're giving up your sanity, For your pride and your vanity, Turn your back on humanity, And you don't give a da da-da da-da...
Simon and Garfunkel's "The Boxer"
I am just a poor boy, Though my story's seldom told. I have squandered my resistance For a pocket full of mumbles, such are promises.
Lady Gaga's song LoveGame:
I can see you staring there from across the block With a smile on your mouth and your hand on your HUH!
Also the chorus:
Let's have some fun, This beat is sick I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
The song "Maybe the People Would Be the Times or Between Clark and Hilldale" by Love uses an interesting variation of this. The last line of every stanza always trails off before a rhyme, but the word you'd expect to go there is then used as the first word of the next stanza. Thus:
What is happening, and how have you been? Gotta go, but I'll see you again And oh, the music is so loud And then, I fade into the... Crowds of people standing everywhere 'Cross the street I'm at the slop affair
From "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big & Rich:
I'm a thoroughbred That's what she said In the back of my truck bed As I was getting Buzzed on suds
"Check Yes Juliet", by We The Kings, starts thus:
Check yes Juliet, are you with me Rain keeps falling down on the sidewalk
And every time he hears it, this troper's mind completes the second line with city...
Nobody's mentioned The Beatles yet? From "A Hard Day's Night":
But when I get home to you I find the things that you do They make me feel alright You know I work all day...
Probably because it's not supposed to rhyme. "You know I work all day" is the first line of the second stanza, and it's rhymed with the words "say" and "okay". "Alright", being at the end of the first stanza, is rhymed with the repeated lyric "It's been a hard day's night" from just before the quoted section.
Another subverted rhyme to add emphasis to the lyrics is in Yoko Ono's "I Felt Like Smashing My Face in a Clear Glass Window"
I never had a chance to choose my own parents I never know why I should be stuck with mine Mommy's always trying not to eat And daddy's always smelling like he's pickled in booze
Well you and me We make a pretty good team So let's go melt some ice If you know what I mean You grab my stick I'll grab your puck Feels so good Baby, let's play to win
You, by the phone You, all alone It's a long way back to Germany It's a long way back to Germany
The expected rhyme being "home".
There's this bit from Ludo's Rotten Town:
Heigh, heigh, yo-ho O're the Atlantic we go Drinkin' 'till we all get sick, And comin' up with limericks But we never quite remember how they end
The rap group Insane Clown Posse never blush at spewing filthy language, so they usually don't employ this trope. But, ironically, they do use it in an unexpected way in the opening verse of "The Headless Boogie":
It's Friday night Dark, scary Lonely walkin' through the park Cemetery And it's foggy Cold and smoggy I hear a dog A how-a-lin' doggy I'm scared Shoulda brought my shotgun Woulda, shoulda But I ain't got one So I watch my back Hey, what's that? The caretaker A dirty old hunchback I'd better run! Hide! Quick! Fast! He's comin' for my ass with a shovel (instead of "pick")!
From Angelspit's "Kill Kitty"
I am the fire
You use me to light the gas.
You are the paper
I use you to wipe my.
Double subverted by "Down in a Ditch" by Joe Diffie:
I'm runnin' this shovel way down in a ditch
When you're down in a ditch, it's a son of a gun
Every fool knows you'll never get rich
When you're down in a ditch in the Tennessee sun.
Jo Dee Messina's "I'm Done" subverts the rhyme because, if the word were there, it'd throw the meter off:
Oh, you had to scratch that itch
You deserve what you get, yeah, you and that…
Walkin' around, talk of the town...
"One More Drinkin' Song" by Jerrod Niemann:
And here's to bartenders tryin' to get paid
While the rest of us are tryin' to get...
Hey hey hey, what's so wrong
With one more drinkin' song...
A rather odd case in The Cave, by Mumford and Sons.
There's a a face in every window of the Songwriters' Neighborhood
Everybody's your best friend when you're doing well... I mean good
"I Want Your Socks", a parody of George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" by Mark Jonathan Davis (before he became Richard Cheese), has:
Socks are thin and socks are thick You can even wear one on your... hand.
Sykotik Sinfoney's "Manic Depresso", best known for its use in b-movie Bad Channels:
Grandma knits me a great big sweater
My little life can't get no better
Life's so happy and full of joy
I'm lying, it really sucks!
Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like A Lady" has a variation, setting up one obvious rhyme (given the subject matter) but then rhyming with a different word instead.
Love put me wise
To her love in disguise
She had the body of a Venus
Lord, imagine my surprise!
Carcass' "Don't Believe a Word" has this few verses:
Fact and fantasy united as one
Real power stems form the barrel of a pen
An example from Art Brut's "Ice Hockey" where Eddie Argos sings;
My time on earth was a lot of fun
But the adventure has only just started
Dead Kennedys' cover of "I Fought the Law" does this at the outset, mostly to starkly contrast their modified version of the lyrics from the original's:
Drinkin' beer in the hot sun
I fought the law and I won
I needed sex and I got mine
I fought the law and I won
The W.A.S.P. song "Blind In Texas" has this verse:
Raisin' hell in Austin, just after sundown
when the hoosegow police decided to come 'round.
They said, "What's the matter with you?
Whatcha tryin' to do?"
I looked at the man, and I said...
(Blackie's obvious response isn't censored, but simply omitted as the song moves along to the chorus.)
From Bela Fleck's "The Message":
Taxes for the poor, none for the rich
People starving in America, now ain't that a bummer
"Fish" by Craig Campbell:
I had everything we needed in the back of my truck
Turns out my baby loves to...
Fish, she wants to do it all the time
Early in the morning, in the middle of the night
She's hooked and now she can't get enough
Man, that girl sure loves to fish
"Beat Up Guitar" by the Hooters [The Frankford El is an elevated train line in Philadelphia. The couplet is older than the song, being used in jumprope rhymes years before the song was released.]:
Etrigan: Our heroes ,quite noble, have fallen to hell; may they curse their eternal foul luck. And while these champions may triumph o'er street crime quite well, down here with the demons they're totally doomed.
Blue Beetle: That didn't rhyme!
Etrigan: So sue me.
The Maxx falls asleep watching cartoons in issue #5 and enters a surrealdream land where everyone talks and thinks in rhyme, including him. Upon his escape he discovers he can speak normally again, expressing this with a somewhat forced rhyme subversion:
The Maxx: It is different somehow, this land isn't mine! And my brain has been freed! I'm not thinking in ...poetry stuff.
Electronics
The voice sample for the "Boing" synthesized voice in Mac OS X uses a classic example of this:
Spring has sprung Fall has fell Winter's here And it's colder than usual.
Please keep well off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your...face.
Though they do complete a rhyme eventually:
Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place!
Shrek the Musical makes a similar joke:
A princess full of sass And a dragon and a... donkey!
Cars: Lightning McQueen is trying to sneak out of his personal appearance:
Dusty Rust-eze: Winter is a grand old time Rusty Rust-eze: Of this there are no ifs and buts Dusty Rust-eze: But remember, all that salt and grime Rusty Rust-eze: Can rust your bolts and freeze your... Hey, look! There he is!
Eddie: I'm through with taking falls And bouncing off the walls Without that gun I'd have some fun And kick you in the... (gets hit in the head) Roger: Nose! Smart Ass Weasel: "Nose"? That don't rhyme with "walls"! Eddie: No, but this does! (kicks Smarty in the junk)
Variation from the musical Altar Boyz: The song is about waiting until marriage to have sex. The line rhymes, but it's still not the word that the audience might be expecting:
So 'till then, I'll have to master... my own fate.
Some things in life are bad, They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble; give a whistle, And this'll help things turn out for the best.
"We have a snoozaphone for your brother Stew, and a sousaphone for your brother Drew, a muncle for your uncle, a fant for your aunt, and a fampa.... for your cousin Leon."
Not to mention:
Why, for year after year I've put up with it now! I must stop this Christmas from coming... But how? Er, I mean, in what way?
In the 1981 film The Private Eyes, the killer subverts rhyme in each note to the detectives. For example:
If Jock could talk, he'd give you a clue. But now that he's dead, what can you do? He deserved what he got. I don't regret it a bit. By the way, you're standing in bull ca-ca.
In Ferris Bueller's Day Off, thinking he's terminally ill, a strippergram/prostitute dressed as a nurse is sent to his house, and greets him (actually his sister) with the rhyme:
I came to help restore your pluck, cause I'm the nurse who likes to... (the door is slammed in her face)
This was still too vulgar for network TV, and most showings have the door slam before the nurse says anything.
The father in Catch That Kid (a.k.a. Mission Without Permission) uses subverted rhyme when starting go-kart races to tone down the language:
Well, it's closer to a rhyme than the one Scott comes up with in the graphic novel during the same scene (for the record, the "fireballs" line is a rhyme in the graphic novel, by way of Matthew using "out" instead of "down"):
You think you're so great, but you're missing the point
You gotta have friendship and courage and whatever!
..rible example, like a girl who's name was Carrie...
In (500) Days of Summer, the main character Tom writes greeting cards. After he and Summer break up...
Tom's Boss: I'm a bit worried about you, Tom.
Tom: Oh? Why?
Tom's Boss: Well, your latest card reads: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Fuck you,whore.
Literature
Non-profane use: In the novel The Fairy's Return, one character is constantly making up poems, but he always ends his couplets with a non-rhyming word, even when the word has an obvious synonym that does rhyme.
In Night Watch, Detritus trains new City Watch recruits, and teaches them his jody (which "somehow, you could tell it was made up by a troll"):
"Now we sing this stupid song Sing it as we march along Why we sing this we don't know We can't make the words rhyme prop'ly!
Also, the warning in the magical equipment shop in A Hat Full of Sky:
Lovely to look at Nice to hold If you drop it You get torn apart by wild horses.
Which is based on a sign in real-life souvenir shops that feature "Consider it sold" as the last line.
In Gödel, Escher, Bach, the Crab puts on a record of himself singing "A Song Without Time or Season." Here's how it goes:
A turner of phrases quite pleasin', Had a penchant for trick'ry and teasin'. In his songs, the last line Might seem sans design; What I mean is, without why or wherefore.
Non-comic, non-profane example: In George Herbert's poem "Denial" every stanza (except the last) ends on a non-rhyme, to symbolize the speaker's spiritual crisis.
Not sure if it fits here, but Blaine the Mono from Dark Tower. Stephen King could just as easily have gone with "Blaine the Train."
Fry some eggs for breakfast, fry some eggs for tea.
The more you eat, the more you drink the more you have to
Peter had a boat, and the boat began to rock.
Up jumped Jaws and bit him on the
Cocktails, ginger alle, fourty cents a glass.
If you don't like them shove it up your
Ask no questions, tell no lies
I saw the boogey man doing up his
Flies are bad, mosquitoes are worse
and this is the end of my silly little verse.
Sean Kelly's National Lampoon parodies of war poetry included two couplets by "Wilfred Owen, who in 1915 found himself at the front, under constant gas and artillery attack, and without his rhyming dictionary":
Clouds broke at evening, and the sun set red Flushing to rose the faces of the deceased.
You're the cutest of the Scoobies with your lips as red as rubies and your firm yet supple... tight embrace!
Which is incidentally a callback to an earlier verse in which Xander dodges a crudity without breaking the rhyme:
She is the one, she's such wonderful fun such passion and grace. Warm in the night, when I'm right in her tight ... embrace. Tight embrace!
Also inverted a few times in that same musical episode: there are several instances where a song is interrupted, and then it is always the case that the interruption rhymes, while there seems no obvious way the intended line could have:
She's just going through the motions, faking it somehow. She's not even half the girl she... ow!
Another example of that:
Xander: She clings, she's needy, She's also really greedy, She never - Anya: His eyes are beady!
And again:
Buffy: Will I stay this way forever? Sleepwalk through my life's endevors? Distressed Dude: How can I repay— Buffy: Whatever.
Michael Kelso: If this van's a rockin'... we're in there doing it!
Colin Mochrie, of Whose Line Is It Anyway? fame, is very good at improv—but his talents do not lie in music. Inexplicably, during the American run of the show, Drew Carey's favorite game was Hoedown (his excitement at it visibly irritated Ryan Stiles at times), meaning it was performed very often. Mochrie didn't even try to sing most of the time, rhyming in a sort of chant. However, he gleefully subverted the format several times—in one about the lottery, saying he didn't care anymore, speaking briefly in tongues, running around the studio, and hugging an attractive audience member; another time, in a callback to an earlier gaffe with his microphone's battery, mouthing words but saying nothing, ending in "my battery pack!"; and once ending a hoedown verse about a traumatic event in "I lost the ability to rhyme" (which did not, obviously, rhyme with the previous line).
On the other hand, however, many of the other stars on the show, particularly Greg Proops, do this so often and easily that subverting a profane rhyme is called "Pulling a Greg" in the fan community. Example:
The other day my girlfriend said 'Greg, you wanna thrill'? She took me to a bridge at the bottom of a hill. She tied the rope to my leg and I ran out of luck. For when she pushed me off that bridge, I just yelled out 'wow'."
Drew did it at least once: "I hope soon that I get out all my stitches / 'Cause let me tell you, brother, they hurt like sons of guns."
Drew also inverted it in the "Children" Hoedown:
I don't pay alimony, I don't pay child support, I don't pay nothing of no kind of that sort, I get to keep all the money that I'm paid, How can you have any children if you never ever get f(BEEP)—hey!"
This troper was pretty sure that he only said "laid" and they bleeped it out.
No less a performer than Robin Williams once used the above cheer in a game of Props.
Used by Ryan in an Irish Drinking Song:
And there I'll open a business, And I will get real rich, I am so happy I'll leave that old...Oh, hidey hidey...
Wayne Brady pretends to read a poem from an imaginary book:
My teacher was beautiful, a beautiful lass. But I was embarrassed in front of the class. I would sit in the back because I was quite a loner. And then I - oh!
During an Irish Drinking Song, Colin is set up to say a line that rhymes with trucker, but instead he just smiles and says nothing. Both he and the audience know what he could have said.
This was a gag about Once an Episode in Up Pompeii where one of the characters, an extremely virginial young man would compose odes to his current crush which would suggest an obviously bawdy rhyme which was invariably subverted.
On The Muppet Show, during the Loretta Lynn episode, Fozzie, Scooter, Annabelle, and Link Hogthrob sing what's supposedly "The Rhyming Song". As might be expected, none of the lines in the verses rhyme. (They're also disjointed, but that's another story.)
The Two Ronnies had far too many to list them all. Particularly memorable is one of their Jehosophat and Jones songs:
Up in the loft where the lamp-light flickers
I lost my heart and she lost her... parasol.
From The Gillies Report musical sketch "Maralinga, or Wise After the Event":
But will we act Upon this fact? This whole inquiry was a stunt! I've never seen a bigger... miscarriage of justice!
The Paul Hogan Show did a parody of The Prophecies of Nostradamus where Hoges revealed the prophecies of his ancestor which, like Nostradamus', were also in verse. One of them ran:
The boy stood on the burning deck, His pockets full of crackers. A flame shot up his trouser leg And blew off both his... sandshoes.
Catherine:This guy was about pucks,bucks and...chicks.
Musical Theater
"Fie on Goodness" in the musical Camelot contains the following lines:
Ah, my heart is still in Scotland
Where the lasses woo the best
On some bonny hill in Scotland
Stroking someone's bonny...
Fie on Scotland, fie!
Fie on Scotland, fie!
In the musical My Fair Lady, Eliza causes pandemonium at the Ascot races by shouting, "Come on, Dover! Move your bloomin' arse!" Shortly afterwards, Freddie is about to rhyme "farce" by repeating her words when Mrs. Pearce interrupts him.
Later, Eliza sings in "Without You":
You, dear friend, who talk so well, You can go to Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire.
Higgins' "Why Can't the English" has a very subtle one:
In France, every Frenchman Knows his language from A to Zed (The French don't care what they do actually As long as they do it in bed pronounce it properly.)
Julia: So you're back where you started, On your way to success. So Will you sing at my wedding? A beat. Robbie: NOOOOOOOO.
Actually, this is a Double Subversion, because it does rhyme, just not where you think it will.
The subversion still rhymes (of course it rhymes, it's Sondheim) but Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street teeters over the edge of profanity in Mrs. Lovett's song "The Worst Pies In London":
Mrs. Lovett: Is that just revolting, All greasy and gritty? It looks like it's moulting, And tastes like... Well, pity A woman alone...
At the very end of the show, Todd and Mrs. Lovett are singing a reprise of "A Little Priest": "Life is for the alive, my dear, / So let's keep living it, really living it—" and then Todd flings her into the oven, making the implied, but never sung, last line "in here!"
Although it's not used for comedic effect, Company features one in "Poor Baby":
There's no one In his life, Robert ought to have a woman...
In a reversal of this trope's conventional use, "Feelings," from the Bock and Harnick musical The Apple Tree: after Eve sings at some length about how nervous and dreamy she gets around Adam, she concludes with:
Is there a source for this congestion That I must learn to rise above? Is there a name for this condition? Yes, there's a name, and it is hell!
From a sanitized version of "Beauty School Dropout" in a junior high production of Grease:
Well, they couldn't teach you anything; you think you're such a looker, But no customer would go to you unless she was a... fool!
"When the Idle Poor Become the Idle Rich" from Finian's Rainbow:
And when all your neighbors are upper class You won't know your Joneses from your Astors. ... When we're in the dough and off of the nut, You won't know your banker from your butler.
In the Lippa version of The Wild Party, Burrs sings in "Make Me Happy" (while waving a loaded pistol):
We've got a situation: Shit or get off the pot! Whaddaya say? You wanna give her away Or do you wanna get— On your knees?
In The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan, Katisha is trying to reveal to the chorus that Nanki-Poo is the son of the Mikado, but she keeps getting interrupted: "No minstrel he, despite bravado! He is the son of..."; "I'll spoil your gay gambado! He is the son of..."; and so on. Fortunately for Nanki-Poo, the chorus is Genre Blind enough that they don't realize that the word that keeps getting cut off must be "Mikado".
Mercury: There was Mélisande, A platinum blonde (How I loved to ruffle her locks). There was bright Aurora, Then Pandora, Who let me open her— Chorus Girls (not half a beat too late): They couldn't compare to us!
In Curtains, near the end of the song "It's a Business", after using several inappropriate words without qualms:
Carmen: Yes, green's my favorite color, And I don't mean on the grass It's a business. And the shows I do do business, And I'm good at doin' business, And if you don't like my business, sweetie, Blow it out your... Guys: Business!
Played with in the song "Thataway". The script offers this line to alternate with the original or be used in its place for younger productions.
Cowboys: What's that music? What's that dance? What's that stirring? It's romance!
The original line?
Cowboys:What's that stirring? In my pants?
It's not exactly a rhyme, since it's just the same word over and over again, but from The Book of Mormon:
"Here's the butcher! He has AIDS! Here's the teacher! She has AIDS! Here's the doctor! He has AIDS! Here's my daughter! She has Aaaaaaaa wonderful disposition..."
In Wicked, during Elphaba's birth in "No One Mourns the Wicked":
I see a nose!
I see a curl!
It's a healthy, perfect, lovely little - (her father and the midwife realize she's green and start screaming)
The song "Random Black Girl" from "Homemade Fusion" by Kooman and Dimond:
The designers can't light me
Director don't know my name
And the makeup artists think
We all wear the same shade
And Mr. Stage Manager thinks I got too much sass
And the costumer don't know what to do with my big old...black...head, oh!
Radio
A The Now Show example from someone other than Mitch; Marcus Brigstocke's Dr Seuss poem about the Copenhagen summit has Gordon Brown taking a stand:
He suggested the EU should lead from the front So the Mail and Telegraph called him something very unpleasant indeed
Played straight and subverted on How Green Was My Cactus when Little Johnny Howler and John Fosters (the Cactus Island counterparts of Liberal party politicians John Howard and John Elliot) appeared as The Two Johnnies, and Fosters demonstrated that he had no understanding of what actually made the gag work:
Fosters: A brawl broke out outside Parliment House last night, during which Seanator Ros Kelly was punched in the belly... Howler: ...the Honorable Barry Jones broke a few bones... Fosters: ...and Senator Steele Hall was kicked in the carpark. (pause) Shouldn't that have been 'balls'?
Theater
From the play Saturday's Children by Maxwell Anderson:
Florrie: It's vain of its face It's vain of its figger It's just fat enough But it mustn't get - larger Willy: Rhyme it you dancing fool, rhyme it! Florrie: Um - it never uses bad words.
Hamlet: (singing) For thou dost know, O Damon dear,
This realm dismantled was
Of Jove himself; and now reigns here
A very, very—pajock.
"Pajock" was a synonym for "peacock," and "was" would have been pronounced to approximately rhyme with "ass". Immediately Lampshaded by Horatio:
Horatio: You might have rhymed.
Video Games
In World of Warcraft the Forsaken have completely subverted a traditional rhyme with,
Roses are grey
Violets are grey
I'm dead
And colorblind.
In Banjo-Tooie, Jamjars, who teaches you moves, does so in a rhyming style. Sometimes, he ends up rhyming the button names, which, while always rhymed in the original version, often did not rhyme in the Xbox Live Arcade version. You'd have the same problem if you played the original game in the US—Jamjars at one point rhymes the Z button with "red," which works in the UK—where "Z" is pronounced "Zed"—but not the US, where it's pronounced "Zee."
Also in Banjo-Tooie, Gruntilda, who has spoken entirely in rhyming couplets all through Banjo-Kazooie, and up to that point in the sequel, says "Oh, very well then" in response to a demand by her sisters to stop the incessant rhyming.
In Runescape, you can get a rune pouch repaired by Wizard Korvak, who already went mad from the revelation. When you get it repaired, he drops this little gem.
Korvak: Magic makes me happy, magic makes me glad, magic makes the voices quiet, and nothing rhymes with purple.
There's also Bard Roberts' shanty, recapping the "Great Brain Robbery" quest: "Mi-Gor tried to stop your heart's pace / Your foe's arm part anchor, part mace / Struck without delay / But him ye did slay / made him look a total...[beat]...moron."
The Pac-Man ghosts: Pinky, Blinky, Inky, and Clyde.
In Dragon Age: Awakening, a clue for one sidequest reads as follows:
You are my hen, the mistress of my flock. You nourish my body, and tend to my... rooster.
In The Curse of Monkey Island, there's a point where Guybrush Threepwood has to subvert the rhymes of his crew.
Guybrush: We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange. Haggis: And...! ...um... Bill: Well... Edward: ...err... Bill: Door hinge? Edward: No, no... Bill: Guess the song's over, then. Haggis: Guess so. Edward: Okay, back to work. Guybrush: Well, gee. I feel a little guilty, now.
In one part of SBCG4AP: Baddest of the Bands, the player has to help Homestar fill in the words to his song by directing him to food items. However, one of them doesn't pan out as expected:
Homestar: Bleu cheese or ranch. We can dine in, or we can take it to go.
Our food-related love makes me all tipsy, kinda queasy, like a...
In the 2011 edition of You Don't Know Jack, one of the commercials / sponsors is for a rhyming dictionary where the voice over consistently fails to rhyme any of his lines.
Cake Wrecks does it twice in the description of a wedding cake that appears to have sperm on it First "Roses are red,/Butterflies are blue,/Um.../Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?" and then in Poem Option #3: Roses are red/And cake can be pretty./How sad for you,'Cuz yours looks all.../[eyeing children]/...unpleasant.
Para: We are villains who like to rhyme... Dox: In fact, we do it all the time. Para: You may think it's rather crass... Dox: But you can stick your cards right up your nose. Para: ...You were supposed to say "ass," brother. I thought we rehearsed this.
Also, in the middle of that duel:
Para: You have tricked us with your magic box! Dox: We invite you to suck on our co-<Bakura interrupts with praise for the move>
And at the end of the duel:
Para: It seems that we ran out of luck! Dox: It's just a card game, who gives a fu-<scene change>
Para: When we're through with you you will want to submit. Dox: If you ask me this clip show's a pile of horse sh-<cut to next clip>
Also played straight in the second christmas special:
The Pharoh awoke the very next day, Wearing an outfit that made him look... uh, handsome.
And in "LEATHER PANTS~"
Marik: "We don't want vinyl or chinos or briefs/I am a criminal and he is a thief/and we are hot/hot, hot hot/we are quite sexy." Bakura: "Marik, that doesn't quite rhyme." Marik: "SHUT UP I AM LADY GAGA!"
A cult YouTube video parodies the Nickelback song Rockstar with new lyrics lampooning pop singers such as Britney Spears and Ashlee Simpson:
I'm gonna dress myself without an ounce of class, Gonna make the boys all drool and stare at my ... glasses
My car door's freaking out; it seems to be forever
In the concrete barricade; I wonder how I'm ever going to drive away.
This really isn't my day.
Sparks are flying, people dying, metal frying,
And I wonder if there's more to life or if I'll find that this is really it.
This game is a piece of work.
In thisI'm a Marvel... And I'm a DC episode with Deadpool singing: I'm sure that his power ring's a lot of fun/ but can it ever really be as cool as my M16 with laser sided scope oh my GOD I love this thing.
Break It Down, a short skit from the people who would later form Tally Hall, includes the following plan to make a quick buck:
"I have a better plan I'll marry a wealthy man." "Wouldn't that make you gay?" "Not neccesari-lay... ...I'll sleep in a separate bed, and I'll refrain from giving... [beat] ...kisses."
"Merry Christmas to everybody and also goodnight to everybody!"
Red vs. Blue Revelation's soundtrack has a track called "Your Best Friend" where Caboose sings about his friendship with Church. It's full of this trope.
Remember that time that I saved your life? You were happy, I could tell.
You said something about how I was smart and I make your life a living heaven.
We do everything together like hide and go seek, your favorite game.
But I'm so glad that we found each other and I know you feel the identical way as me.
Jib Jab does this with "The Year 2008 in Review", sung to the tune of "Miss Susie". One example:
Baby Year 2008:Barrack[sic] defeated Johnny So long to the far-right. Now McCain has many houses, But none of them are... White men got passed over, From Wasilla she was plucked; When the maverick tapped a hockey mom The press said, "What the..." Truck bombs in Islamabad; Bill Gates up and quit. Putin stuck his chest out, Told the Georgians to eat... Ships were seized by pirates, Ike and Gustav hit, Johnny's honey had a baby, But he said it wasn't... HIIIIISSS-tory's now littered With more famines, floods and wars. If there's one thing I am grateful for, It's that this job's now YOOOOUUUURS!
Western Animation
Billy and Irwin sing a song like this in the Billy and Mandy episode "Go Kart 3000":
We built this car All by ourselves, If you don't like it You can go to... heck!
There's also this classic gem.
Sassy Cat, Sassy Cat, full of sass, full of sass, if you don't like it you can kiss her BUTT!
Animaniacs did this in a segment of "Dot's Poetry Corner".
Dot: Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you get kicked off the air for finishing this poem.
Lampshaded in the song 'Here Comes Attila', though, surprisingly for the show, it's actually not done to get crap past the censors in this case:
Chorus: Come on back; farewell, Attila Ate three ox, and got his fill-a He wore shorts made of chinchilla His favorite ice cream was strawberry.
Yakko: What can I say? It's not a perfect world.
Animaniacs also did this in the song "I'm Cute."
Dot: I never am vain
Yakko: She's becoming a pain in the—
Dot: But I'm also real nice
From the Family Guy episode "Brian Sings and Swings":
Brian: I love the work of Allen Funt. Stewie: Or a nicely shaven leg.
And again, in "Road to Europe":
Brian: Cause you get a kick out of carnage and guts. Stewie: And you get a kick out of stroking your— Brian: Whoa whoa. You can't say that on TV. Stewie: What, "ego"? Brian: Never mind.
"I Need a Jew" was Bowdlerized into this, rhyming "Jew" with "light," "slap," and "Lord."
In Stewie and Brian's song at the Emmys:
Brian: Now, The Sopranos is a show I recommend. Stewie: Because you never know just how it's gonna- (cut to black screen)
Peter does this in a scene where he is imagining he's in an 80's sitcom.
Peter: My black son, my black son/ Now everyday my heart is getting bigger/ Don't even remember sleeping with that lady/But I did...
Wendy Testaburger did a version of the "Miss Susie" song in one episode of South Park.
Mrs Landers was a health nut. She cooked food in a wok. Mr Harris was her boyfriend, and he had a great big Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster just won't quit And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like Shih Tzus make good house pets. They're cuddly and sweet. Monkeys aren't good to have, because they like to beat their Meeting in the office or meeting in the hall, The boss, he wants to see you so you can suck his Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt Mrs Roberts didn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a Contaminated water can really make you sick. Your bladder gets infected, and blood comes out your Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying fuck.
Adam: Bull shark! Porcupine! I don't know what! Going to this school's a pain in the— Jake: Adam! Adam: What? I was gonna say "neck". Jake: Oh. That's okay, then.
The painful thing about this is that the show can't go thirty seconds without a butt joke. Censoring it in the theme song is rather misleading.
Let's not forget Animal School Musical... in this one song Jake was singing, he subverted every single rhyme. And the song was about his incapability to rhyme.
An episode of The Fairly OddParentslampshades this, with Timmy being sent to the planet Yugopotamia, which has been conquered by the Gigglepies, an alien species that wear cuteness and rhyming as a hat. When Timmy inquires to their overlord about what they will do to their planet:
Overlord: We'll do what we always do, blow the planet up and move on to the next one! ISN'T THAT CUTE?
Timmy: That's horrible! And it didn't rhyme!
Overlord: [to the Gigglepies] He's on to us! GET HIM.
Garfield and Friends: 47's told in verse, except the last line which is not. Don't worry, folks, he wouldn't curse, but see the twist this cat hath... made:
Garfield: And now, this tale I must suspend / For I have come to... the finish.
Homer Simpson: I once knew a man from Nantucket... Bart: And? Homer: Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.
There once was a rapping tomato. That's right, I said rapping tomato. He rapped all day, from April to May... and also, guess what, it was me.
Also from "Fat Man and Little Boy" with its own verson of 'Miss Susie' with Homer eavesdropping:
Lisa and Jamie (singing and rhyming): "Miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. Miss Lucy went to Heaven and the steamboat went to-"
Homer (gasps)
Lisa and Jamie: "Hello operator, get me number 9, and if you disconnect me, I'll chop off your be-"
Homer (more gasps)
Lisa and Jamie: "-hind the refridgerator, there was a piece of glass, Miss Lucy sat upon it and cut her big, fat-"
Homer (gasps, then passes out)
Lisa and Jamie: "Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more-"
(Lisa gets hit by a spitball)
Lisa: "Ow! Spitballs!"
And from "Bart Sells His Soul":
Sherri and Terri: Bart sold his soul, and that's just swell, Now he's going straight to... Hello, operator, give me number nine.
In "Homer Loves Flanders", there's a football player named Stan "The Boy" Taylor.
Crowd: STAN! STAN! HE'S OUR BOY! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE... (Beat) WILL!
The Musical Recap of Reboot's 3rd season features these lyrics:
Actor Dot: But Megabyte betrayed Bob and He threw him deep inside the pit The pit was closed and Bob was hosed and all that he could say was Actor Bob: Noooo!
Yak:You sure are a clever guy. Now just follow Nob and I Norb: Dag I think you're really neat I like to sit and watch you eat It's cold in here, turn up the — Dag: He—music. Yak: LET'S TRY AGAIN! Let's not cast blame but this time Dag, just say your name! Norb: It looks like a good baguette, please give some to brother — Dag: Da—your name.
In the Phineas and Ferb episode "Unfair Science Fair", Dr. Doofenshmirtz recalls the time he tried writing poetry:
Doofenshmirtz: The movies are gray
The TV is black
The horses are running
Please bring me some food.
Or it could've just been a free verse poem. The comedic effect is the poem making no sense whatsoever, not because it didn't rhyme.
Also Lampshaded in the 'Ghost Bride' episode of Hey Arnold! when Arnold reads the tombstone:
Epitaph: Here lies Cynthia Snell. She lived her life and went straight to -
Arnold: Huh. I can't read the rest.
And in a Pinky and the Brain cartoon set in medieval times with Pinky as a minstrel constantly missing obvious rhymes. In the climax Brain must choose between providing the right rhyme or completing the spell that will allow him to take over the world. Guess what he does.
From the Bagpuss song "The Boney King of Nowhere":
...Two mice came up from somewhere behind their Royal chum
They said, Dear King
Here is a thing
To warm the royal...
And stop you feeling numb
(For the non-British: the missing word is 'bum', which means 'bottom'.)
So now you know your problem you can deal with your emotion,
and have a better life when you return to the... sea
At the end of Dan Vs. "Ye Olde Shakespeare Dinner Theatre," Dan gloats over his victory thusly:
"I've made you cry, your theatre is burnt! It lies in ruin, plain for all to see And now it seems your lesson has been learnt That should teach you not to mess with DAN!"
Beavis And Butthead has one episode when the boys visit a cafe with a stage, and Butt-Head steps in and saying some rhymes.
There was once a man from Venus, with a rocket ship for a...uhh...wiener.
And there's another episode, "At the Movies", when a cop shoots his foot and Butt-Head picks up the toes:
This little piggy went to market, This little piggy stayed home, This little piggy had roast beef, And this little piggy shot a big-ass hole through his foot.
Miscellaneous
From a birthday card, with the last word on the inside:
Jack wasn't nimble. Jack wasn't quick. He sat on your cake and burned his... corduroys.
Inspired by the classical nursery rhyme:
Mary had a little lamb and she also had a duck, she put them on the mantelpiece to see if they would fall off
A similar rhyme:
Mary had a little lamb She kept it very well One day she fed it dynamite And blew it all to...pieces
An alliterative example: A number of popular science writers are fond of describing the basic drives of all animals (including humans) as involving the "Four F's: Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, and Reproducing."
Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic So am I!
Roses are red Violets are blue I've got Multiple Personality Disorder And so do we!
Roses are red Violets are blue I've got Dissociative Identity Disorder For goodness' sake settle on a bloody name for what we've got already!
There was a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in a pond A man in a punt Stuck his pole in the water And said "you can't swim here, it's private".
Or how about:
There was a young poet of Mainz Whose limericks had no last lines. When asked why this was, He said "it's because
In a similar vein:
There was a young man of Arnoux Whose limericks stopped at line two.
And taking this train of thought until it hits the buffers:
There was a young man of Verdun,
Of course, we won't even mention the limerick about Emperor Nero.
Similar:
There was a man from Rome Who daily composed a poem Try as he might He just couldn't quite Stop from putting too many words in the last line, it sounded awful.
The limerick, peculiar to English Proved exceedingly hard to extinguish When Congress in session Decreed its suppression People got around it by writing the last line without any rhyme or meter.
Then of course, there was the song about the 'Three Jolly Fishermen', and one verse has them,
'All going down to Amster—SHHH!
We must not say that naughty word;
Must not say that naughty word;
They all went down to Amster—SHH!!!'
Gleefully subverted in the next verse, however:
'We're gonna say it anyway;
Gonna say it anyway;
Amster-Amster—DAMNDAMNDAMN!!
Amster-Amster—DAMNDAMNDAMN!!
They all went down to Amster-DAMN!!!'
There are many Russian kids' songs (made by kids, not for kids, of course) of this kind, with a varying grade of obscenity. I'll try to translate one here:
There are also many rhymes/songs of the following type (I'll just make up some for the sake of giving an example; the originals are too difficult to translate):
Then my nutball grandpa died. (What, you thought it would make sense?).
There are also so called "Eve Verses". A bit hard to translate (or, rather, compose new ones), but here is an attempt:
Old Lady Jill was out of luck
She looked for someone young to... dance
But they were no type for romance
They only cared for smoking crack.
A cheer that goes like this:
Rah Rah Ree!
Kick 'em in the knee!
Rah Rah Ras!
Kick 'em in the other knee!
And similarly:
Cigarette ashes! Cigarette butts!
We've got your team by the knees!
And yet again:
We like warm beer and cold duck!
But most of all we like to fffffffight, team, fight! (The drawn-out "fffffff" is essential for maximum amusement of the juvenile minds performing the cheer.)
Did you give your life up to save humans from bad luck?
Were you born a virgin birth or did your parents--have sex?
The Scared Weird Little Guys do a similar thing with their comedic song Christmas Day At least until the very end...
A recent Lipton ice tea commercial featuring a singing fish has a great averted rhyme.
Now you can make a tasty dish
'Cause tea with citrus goes great with—chicken
Another Mary poem:
Mary had a little skirt,
A slit went up its side,
And every time she wore the skirt,
The boys could see her thigh.
Mary had another skirt,
The slit went up its front,
But she didnt wear that one very often.
We must not forget:
Ms. Lucy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Ms. Lucy went to Heaven
The steamboat went to -
Hello Operator,
Please give me number nine
And if you disconnect me
I'll chop off your -
Behind the 'fridgerator
There was a piece of glass
Ms. Lucy sat upon it
And broke her little -
Ask me no more questions...
And so on.
This is also the Miss Susie poem mentioned in the beginning of the article.
Popular jump rope game a while ago;
There was a man named Tiger Woods.
He had the cash, he had the goods.
Tiger Woods had all the luck.
How many women did he...HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH?
An older jump rope rhyme:
"Lincoln Beachey thought it was a dream To go up to heaven in a flying machine. The machine broke down, and down he fell, Instead of going to heaven he went to— Lincoln Beachey thought it was a dream..."
There is a Dutch poem which for the whole of the poem actually changes words to rhyme with the previous line. It's about a knight going to rescue a damsel from a dragon. The dragon agrees to let her go if the knight composes a verse on them - he doesn't get her: he can't rhyme.
