Who is he? Why is he here?
My name is TV Tropes and I'm here to say
This is how you rap, the lame '80s way.
If I rap real bad and my rhymes ain't fly
It's probably cause I was written by a Hollywood guy
The way I rhyme, it's like old skool
But when they drop these beats I sound like a fool.
While I could go on 'til the end of time
I tend to get cut off before you hear the—
Alright, enough of that. It's Common Knowledge in TV land that raps have to begin with "My name is so-and-so and I'm here to say...", often followed by describing doing something in a major way or claiming to be something-ish in the USA. These raps have a very specific meter typical of Old School rap, consisting of rhyming couplets with 8 (or more) syllable lines.scansion: While this was Truth in Television to a limited extent in the earliest days of rap (when rappers did introduce themselves and use this particular meter), Hip-Hop has changed a lot since then— but don't tell writers that. This sort of rap is a sign of characters (or writers) who are trying to stay hip with the kids, but whose knowledge of rap comes from Pop Culture Osmosis and still think rap is just a fad from the early '80s, resulting in Totally Radical.
A Dead Horse Trope, this is usually used in comedy, often in conjunction with A Wild Rapper Appears!. As such, it's a common variant of the Piss-Take Rap and is typically performed by an unhip white guy trying to be Totally Radical, or some other entity that has no business rapping. These raps display a contrast between the rappers' attempted swag and coolness and the uncoolness of the lyrical subject matter, which is often educational or very mundane.
Subtrope of "I Am" Song, and raps that don't fit the meter or corny nature of this template should go there instead. For corny raps that don't fit the meter, see Piss-Take Rap.
Examples:
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Advertising
- While not an example per se as it's not a rap, a 1950s Chiquita Banana ad appears to have heavily influenced this trope. The song begins with "I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say, bananas have to ripen in a particular way." This may have influenced the following Fruity Pebbles commercial as much, if not more, than actual rap.
- The Trope Codifier for this may actually be a 1988 ad for Fruity Pebbles
breakfast cereal featuring The Flintstones, a franchise that was decades old at that point. The ad features Barney Rubble (a middle-aged white dad) dressed in the cliche pimp duds of a gold chain and enormous sunglasses, beginning his rap with "I'm the master rapper and I'm here to say, I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way."
Comedy
- Used by Hannibal Buress in a routine about how if his partner had triplets he would prefer to put one of them up for adoption (preferably the first one to be delivered, for much the same reason as he prefers not to take the top newspaper from a stack of newspapers):
My name is Hannibal and I'm here to sayIf you have triplets just give one away!
Comic Books
- In a story from Harley Quinn: Black, White and Red, Gotham City is agog at rumours that a tape of the Joker rapping has been discovered. Harley enters a rap battle to win it because she wants to have it to make fun of it and nearly wins... until the Joker himself turns up at the site. The tape is then played, however, and it turns out that the Joker is a completely awful rapper whose freestyle actually begins "My name is Joker and I'm here to say, I love causing chaos in a major way". He then gets laughed out of the building.
Literature
- Origami Yoda: In "The Surprise Attack of Jabba the Puppett", a FunTime show suddenly shows up on the TV during a meeting. In that show, Gizmo starts rapping:
Gizmo: My name is Gizmo and I'm here to say, I'll teach you to divide the easy way!
Live-Action TV
- An episode of Cheers has Sam become a sports anchor. However, as an ex-athlete with no media experience, he turns out to be very boring, so he turns to gimmicks like this to appeal to people.
So get your stories from a guy like meWho knows what it's like to have a groin injury!G-g-groin, g-g-groin, g-g-groin injury!
- Community:
- In "Pascal's Triangle Revisited", the very British Prof. Duncan drunkenly bursts on stage to rap "My name is Ian Duncan and I'm here to say, I'm here to rhyme in a rapping way, I have a really big penis and I drink lots of tea...." before getting cut off.
- In another episode, the Dean (who by Season 5 had begun showing up in the study room dressed in weird costumes that are only barely related to the message he came to bring) arrives dressed as a candy bar (because he wants to talk about the professors' Pay Day). He attempts to play this trope straight "I'm a peanut bar and I'm here to say, your checks will arrive on another day", but he quickly adopts more modern meter and subject matter, which shocks him. He has no idea where that came from.
- A promotional video for Every Witch Way opens with "My name is Emma and I'm here to say / I love rhyming spells in a major way."
- The Office (US): In "Threat Level Midnight", a scene in Michael's movie has Billy the bartender playing "The Scarn" to cheer up Agent Scarn. While he refuses to dance along at first, he soon joins in and teaches everyone in the restaurant how to do the dance, in the form of a rap that begins with, "Well, my name is Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do the Scarn in a major way!"
- Saturday Night Live:
- One sketch had guest star Garth Brooks selling his soul to the Devil (Will Ferrell with horns and red face-paint) in exchange for music and lyrics to a hit song to kick-start his pop-music career. The Devil comes up with several songs, only for Brooks to tell him they all suck. Finally, in desperation, Lucifer half-heartedly launches into "I'm the Devil, / And I'm here to say, / I'm the most evil rapper in the U.S.A. / All my homies and my bitches, / They say "Hey HEY"... before finally giving up.
- In one of Eminem's guest appearances on the show in the early 2000s, he joined "Grandmaster Rap" and "Kid Shazaam" to rap in this style, instead of in his usual lyrically-technical and hyperoffensive style.
I'm Eminem, and I'm here to say,
I love to rap in an old-school way!
I goes, rip, rap, a-rippity-rap-rap, a-rip-rap-rippity-doo!
- One of the Whammy animations in Whammy! The All-New Press Your Luck has the Whammy turn into a stereotypical rapper: "Well I'm the rappin' Whammy and it ain't no joke, I'm cleanin' you out and leavin' you broke!"
- Parodied in a "Scenes From a Hat" skit in Whose Line Is It Anyway?, when Brad responds to "People who shouldn't rap" by saying "Well I'm [X] and I'm here to say!" for two different people. The first time, it's Newt Gingrich; the second time, it's Stephen Hawking, complete with his iconic "synthesized" voice and posture.
- Subverted and parodied in the Martin episode "Blow, Baby, Blow" when Cole auditions to be a backup singer for Biggie Smalls (which by the time he was popular, the expression had long since fallen out of popularity):
Cole: (rapping) My name is Coley-Cole, and I'd like to say hello...
Martin: (interrupting) ...And my name is Marty-Mar, and I'd like to say, "Get yo ass out!"
Music
- MCs introducing themselves was a convention in 70s Disco Rap, though not necessarily with the strict phrasing involved in this trope. One example comes in "Rapper's Delight" by The Sugarhill Gang, one of the first rap songs to gain mainstream attention, which begins with:
"I am Wonder Mike and I'd like to say 'Hello.'"
- The earliest and one of the only straight music examples can be found in "Birthday Party" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five (1980), which has a portion that comes in with:
"Melle Mel and I'm here to say, I was born on the 15th day of May".
- Anthrax, in their 1987 song "I'm the Man", one of the first instances of metal bands incorporating rap, fits this pattern.
Now we're Anthrax and we take no shit
And we don't care for writing hits
[...]
For a heavy metal band raps a different way
We like to be different and not cliché - Brave Saint Saturn's song "Shadow of Def" is a Piss-Take Rap to begin with, then they crank it up to 11 when the bridge features a guest rap from Frank Tate (not even a musician, but the owner of their record label, 5 Minute Walk). Naturally, this is how he introduces himself.
Frank Tate: Yo my name is Franky T and I'm here to talk / about the meaning of 5 Minute Walk...
- Houston Howl: The beginning of "Quarantine Super Video Mix Volume 2":
Well my name is Gurf and I'm here to say
Staying in school is A-OK - In "Unlikely Cyphers: The Muppets", The Stupendium's verse as the Muppet Labs characters starts with an introduction and 'here to say' line by Honeydew - the character notes that it's a cliche, and that’s why he's built a machine to improve his skill:
We're Muppet Labs, and we came to say
"This is where the future's being made today!"
Oh dear, you can hear that my rhymes are rather tragic
That's precisely why we've built the Muppet Labs Rap-O-Matic - A rare (not-parody) modern take on this genre is the Wonder Girls song "Back" from their album Reboot. Since the whole concept behind the album is being retro and 80s-themed, mostly a Genre Throwback to 80s dance-pop, it makes more sense there than it would on most other K-pop albums.
Podcasts
- Comedy Bang! Bang! episode 245 features a segment with four comedians in a butter-themed rap battle. Scott Aukerman, the first up, begins his rap with:
"My name is rapping Scott and I'm here to say, It's fun to rap in a butter way"
- In the episode of Escape from Vault Disney! discussing Encanto, Madeline, while trying to explain her disdain for Hamilton, clarifies that she thinks the songs are better than this stereotype. She then raps:
"My name's Hamilton and I'm here to say, I'm gonna educate you in a radical way!"
- In a deleted scene for the show of My Brother, My Brother and Me, one of Travis's attempts to add a "rap break" to the end of a song is done in this style, which Griffin points out is "from the Fruity Pebbles commercial".
Travis: My name is Travis, and I'm here to say, I love giving advice in a major way!
- Rifftrax Live shows normally have humorous slides before the show poking fun at things like trivia, word-jumble games, and movie quotes. One of the latter is this priceless quote that's ten times funnier (and equally horrifying) for fans of the comic strip in question:
"My name is Calvin and I'm here to say / we're going Yukon Ho in a major way!"
Sports
- An early example is the "Super Bowl Shuffle," a novelty song put out by Da Chicago Bears in 1985, which consists entirely of various players introducing themselves and explaining why they're there (They're not here to start no trouble, they're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle). One of the players is closet to the cliche:
This is Speedy Wilks, and I'm world classI like rolling but I love to get the pass
Theatre
- Hamilton: In the song "Aaron Burr, Sir", Hamilton's friends introduce themselves via rap with some variations of "My name is[...]and[...]". For example, John Laurens starts it off with "I'm John Laurens in the place to be!" This contrasts Hamilton's more complex and modern rap when he introduces himself in the next song, "My Shot".
Lin-Manuel Miranda for CBS 60 Minutes: [Laurens starts off with] like, 80s raps—great raps but super-beginner raps. We all did a version of that when we were in the 80s. "I'm Lin Miranda in the place to be?" Then comes Hamilton: it's rhyming six rhymes on a line, it's insane polysyllabic internal assonance. He needs to be, like, from the future.
Video Games
- Yakuza 2: One of the substories in the 'Kiwami' remake has Kiryu meet up with a wannabe rapper, who starts off his rap with "My name is DJ Michael and I'm here to say..."
- In Splatoon 2, one of the stage dialogues for Humpback Pump Track has Pearl make fun of Marina with a rap.
"Yo, I'm Marina, and I'm here to say,
I lose at Turf War every time I play!"
Webcomics
- Homestuck: The song "GameGrl (original 1993 mix)" has essences of this, starting with GameGrl introducing herself before the song gets even weirder.
- The Non-Adventures of Wonderella: In "Breaking BAUD," Dana stumbles across a Totally Radical PSA about the internet that her own mom, the previous bearer of the Wonderella mantle, recorded back in the '90s. Then the PSA turns into a parody of "Don't Copy That Floppy", and her mom's attempt at rapping causes Dana to spontaneously burst into flames from sheer embarrassment.
I'm Wonderella and I'm here to say
Illegal downloads are NOT OK! - Paranatural: The page that introduces Flipflop has the Alt Text:
my name's Flipflop and i'm here to say, my name's Flipflop in a major wayT DO OVER, DO OVER
- Questionable Content:
- Played for Black Comedy in Hannelore's recurring nightmares of a homicidal rapping penis.
Hannelore: My name is DJ Phalliz and I'm here to say / Kill your friends, kill them with a knife
- Beeps does a rap when inviting Roko to a girls' night out.
Beeps: Well my name's Beepy Boopz and I'm here to say, Roko needs to cut loose in a major way
Roko: Okay okay just please stop rapping
- Played for Black Comedy in Hannelore's recurring nightmares
- In the xkcd comic "Open Mic Night," two very nerdy rappers go up with raps in the following format: "I'm M.C. [scientific concept] and I'm here to say [line that self-demonstrates the concept]". E.g. "M.C. Aphasia" goes on to incoherently mumble words after introducing herself (aphasia is a language disorder).
Web Videos
- The song "Neil's Turn" from Commentary! The Musical has Neil Patrick Harris attempting this, with predictable results.
Neil: And I can rap!
My name is Neil,
and I'm here to say:
[five seconds of absolutely abysmal faux-beatboxing]
...No, I can't rap.
That was painful. - Arin and Danny of Game Grumps do one in the Dennis the Menace episode as if they're Mr. Wilson, the surly older neighbor:
My name's Mr. Wilson and I'm here to say
I'm gonna smack your ass in a major way
What 'cha doin' in my basement? Get outta here
Get outta here! - Paint: In his "2016 Sucks" video and collaboration with Grace Helbig, Grace has rap bits, the first one starting with:
My name's Grace, and I'm here to say, there's good things happening every single day!
- In ProZD's video "a villain is really excited to show the hero a rap he wrote," King Dragon's Boastful Rap begins with "I'm King Dragon, I'm the king of the lair, and now that you're in here, you aren't going anywhere." The hero finds the rap annoying more than anything.
- The Sex Offender Shuffle is a parody of the Super Bowl Shuffle. Set in 1988, the song features a bunch of sex offenders (almost all dorky white men) dressed in tacky period clothing unenthusiastically introducing themselves and explaining why they're there (to disclose their convictions) in an old-school talk-rap style.
I'm Sam Pound and I'm number one
Apologizing for what I've done - Todd in the Shadows uses this in his One Hit Wonderland episode covering the 90s hit "Whoomp! There It Is" by Tag Team. Specifically, after playing some clips from their attempted followup, "U Go Girl", Todd offers his own impression to make fun of Tag Team's middling skills as rappers:
Todd: We're Tag Team and we're here to say / we support black women in a major way!
Western Animation
- Discussed in BoJack Horseman. On the set of Horsin' Around, a rather saccharine and formulaic sitcom from the early '90s, BoJack keeps asking Herb to insert a segment where he raps. Bojack mentions that one of the main obstacles is that they're having trouble finding something to rhyme with "and I'm here to say".
- Inside Job (2021): In "How Reagan Got Her Groove Back," Brett tries to defend Gigi's honor from the Illuminati with a Piss-Take Rap. Not only does he use the corny "and I'm here to say" line, he doesn't even stay on meter.
"I'm Brett Hand and I'm here to say, you should treat my friend Gigi in a respectful... and office appropriate way! Peace!"
- The Powerpuff Girls: In "Escape from Monster Island", Buttercup and Blossom attempt to have a rap battle to decide who gets the last ticket:
Blossom: Yeah! Well, my name is Blossom and I'm here to say—
Bubbles: No! No rapping! - The Simpsons:
- In the episode "Mr. Plow", Homer's "fresh and original" ad idea is a rap that goes "I'm Mr. Plow and I'm here to say, I'm the plowinest guy in the USA", which elicits instant groans from the kids.
- In "Selma's Choice", at the Duff Gardens Beer Hall of Presidents they have Abe Lincoln do this:
Lincoln: We-e-ll, I'm Rappin' A.B. and I'm here to say,
If you want to drink beer, well Duff's the only way!
I said the only way! Break down!
- Space Ghost Coast to Coast has The Rapping Space Goblin, a character Space Ghost brought onto the show in one episode, who began his raps with "Weeeeeellllll, I'm the Space Goblin, and I'm here to say," before rapping about Stock Aesops like "look both ways before crossing the street" and "eat your vegetables". He gets about two and a half raps in before Zorak zaps him.
- Uncle Grandpa has an example in Mr. Gus. The rap concerns Uncle Grandpa's love of Peanut Butter which the cast randomly begins singing about during the episode. You might not want to rack your brain about the reason too much.
Mr. Gus: My name is Mr. Gus and I'm here to say that he loves Peanut Butter in a crazy way.
Real Life
- Former White House press secretary Dana Perino decided to rap on air on the Fox News Channel in 2013 as a dig at a news item about Jay-Z. Her rap, which also talks about being white, owning a dog, and conservative values, begins with: "My name is Tiny D and I'm here to say, I bust funky fresh rhymes in a major way". The other anchors find this hilarious.
