- Sid, a privateer wordsmith who refuses to buy groceries. Stephen's roommate. Played by Professor Plum from Clue.
- Stephen, a vexillographer who also refuses to buy groceries. Played by the White King's Rook.
- Liln, a jeweler who thinks the whole grocery debate is stupid. Jame is her boyfriend. Played by the Red Foam Piece.
- Jame, a restaurateur. Decidedly the least 'zany' of the bunch. Gets possessed by a (rather incompetent) demon. Played by a blue Tiddlywink.
- York, a game salesman/designer who constantly tries to sell things to people, and went to college at Center of the Earth University, which is actually on the Moon. Played by the thimble from Monopoly.
- Aorist, whose job we don't know. Friendly, and participates in other peoples' schemes, often putting crazy twists on them. Killed by a resurfaced Demon-Jame, and eventually resurrected by Bartleby. Played by a green Icehouse pyramid.
- First Folio, one of York's classmates at Center of the Earth University (which, again, is on the moon), who keeps kosher, wants to find out more about Omicron, and is experienced with supernatural creatures. Played by a green Cranium piece.
- Omicron, Sid's cat. Used to be Sid and Stephen's, but Stephen lost his half in a bet about formica. Played by an actual cat, making it a much bigger character than anybody else. Because the actual cat Ray who played Omicron died during the strip's run, it didn't reappear.
- Gunpowder Jackson, M.D, Jame's stuntman. Got his position as a punishment for jaywalking, due to the doubly imaginary Law of Jame. Played by a red Pictionary cube.
- The Green Grocer, grocery store owner turned Card-Carrying Villain who loves to say his own villain-name. Played by a green Sorry! piece.
- Gibbs and Lockley, author avatars. Played by two trains from the railroad version of the game Rush Hour.
Contains examples of:
- Ain't No Rule: Against teleportation in a skateboarding competition.
- Alt Text
- Anti-Climax: Gunpowder Jackson and Zantrok meet again after several arcs of build-up in Strip #278. Zantrok apologizes for embarrassing Gunpowder earlier and both decide to let it go and move on with their lives.
- Author Avatar: Gibbs and Lockley.
- Awesome, but Impractical: The Green Grocer's spaceship, which only goes to the Moon. Not to the Moon and back, just to the Moon.
- Back from the Dead: Aorist.
- Beyond the Impossible: Sid somehow managed to get elected Czar of Geography City, which is both an unelected position and one he made up.
- Blue and Orange Morality: Sid and Stephen's morality is a strange example of this, in that the blueness and ornateness comes pretty much exclusively from one notion: buying groceries is the ultimate evil. Pretty much anything short of murder can be justified in their minds if it means that someone else will buy groceries for them, from demon-summoning to declaring yourself Czar and arresting random people.
- Card-Carrying Villain:
- The Green Grocer fits this so well that he could be considered a deconstruction.
- Ned Q. Sorcerer and Demon-Jame are both quite fond of gloating about how horrifying they are and the destruction they will wreak upon mankind.
- Captain Obvious:
Fun Fact: If Sid's story wins a Newbery, it will be the first time the committee has given the award to a made-up work mentioned in a webcomic.
- From Ben's Notes in Strip #103:
Many people may not know this, but Aorist is actually based on a person Ben and I made up.
- Similarly, from Lewis's Notes in 178:
- Chew Toy / Butt-Monkey: Jame.
- Contractual Genre Blindness: The Green Grocer's henchmen.
- Creepy Twins: Triplets, actually.
- Deus ex Machina: Bartleby, Sid and Stephen's other roommate "who only exists in every hundredth strip", and always unilaterally resolves the current story arc.
- Evil All Along: Ally Cs, the incompetent reporter, is revealed in #282 to secretly be a super villain known as The Reportress.
- Exact Words:
York: Stephen, your word is "Camelopard".
- Liln has to call Sid a "privateer wordsmith" because she lost a bet; they were arguing over whether Pluto was the farthest planet, but both failed to specify what it was farthest from and so Sid clarified that he meant "farthest from Pluto".
- In Strip #66, Sid tells Jame "don't panic, but there's a small chance that, through no fault of my own, I may have summoned a demon into you". He definitely summoned a demon, it's just there's a small chance it wasn't his fault.
- From Strip #27:
Stephen: Can you use it in a sentence?
York: Almost certainly.
Stephen: Sorry, will you use it in a sentence?
York: Probably not. It isn't a very common word.
Jame: I give up. How?
- In Strip #162, the Green Grocer responds to the others not wanting to hear his story with "alright, but if you don't want to hear my story, you won't get to hear about werewolf valkyries". He was telling the truth, he just omitted the fact that they wouldn't get to hear about werewolf valkyries either way.
- In Strip #243, Sid asks Jame "If I don't know anything about skating boards, then how do you explain my undefeated record?"
Sid: Oh, easy. I've never entered any competitions before.
- Ned Q. Sorcerer uses this to win the skateboarding competition a few strips later. The rules say that anyone who jumps across or uses a vehicle of any kind is disqualified for not using a skateboard, but there's nothing in them saying that anyone who teleports across is disqualified for not using a skateboard.
- Failure Is the Only Option: Although the writers didn't expect to be able to carry the grocery plot on for so long.
- Five Stages of Grief: Parodied in Strip #158.Stephen: Demon-Jame did not just kill Aorist. He couldn't have.
Sid: Your denial is making me angry.
Stephen: I'll stop being in denial if you bring him back from the dead.
Sid: I'm worthless, I can't even resurrect my best friend.
Stephen: Man, I guess he really is dead.
York: Guys, the stages of grief don't work when you're trying to rush through them.
- Future Slang: Parodied; everyone talks like this when Stephen imagines the future, even if he's imagining less than a day into the future. Considering he also imagines people in the past [five years ago] talking in weird antique English, this isn't out of character...
- Grand Finale: In the end, Sid and Stephen both bought groceries first.
- Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Sid and Stephen resort to a lot of very shady tactics to win the competition, like when Sid tried to summon a demon to possess Stephen and force him to buy groceries, or when Stephen became Czar of Geography City and first tried to arrest Sid ofr not buying groceries, then began convicting random people of Sid not buying groceries.
- Honor Before Reason: Blueteen is willing to incarcerate himself for a victimless crime to uphold the rule of law.
- I Just Write the Thing: Parodied. The writers claim that their theorems are logically derived from universal axioms and they have no control over their content.
- Insane Troll Logic: Every character is a master of this. For example, in one strip Jame asks Stephen for somewhere he can go to avoid Gunpowder Jackson, and Stephen suggests Sid's secret room down the hall. Jame says he should ask Sid first, but Stephen replies that if he did that, it wouldn't be a secret.
- It Is Pronounced "Tro-PAY": Jame, pronounced not like "Jay-me" but like "James" without the Snote .
- Judgment of Solomon: Parodied. Stephen attempts to settle a dispute over a stolen lawnmower in one strip. However, both claimants know the story already and so they both say to give it to the other. Stephen then decides to give them both the whole thing.
- Literary Agent Hypothesis: In the form of the actor being a representation of the character. The authors are fairly clear that Sid, for example, is not a purple Clue piece, he is simply represented by it.
- Mind Screw: Jame hosted a fake grand opening for his restaurant and got Aorist to appear as a fake food critic. Aorist then got his fake review published in an imaginary magazine (they gave it 5i stars), which then attracted two imaginary people who somehow actually came to the restaurant, ordered foods that didn't exist and then got them, and paid using actual money in accordance with an imaginary law.
- Mistaken for Special Guest: by the unlikely name of "Ned Q. Sorcerer, D.D.S.", no less.
- Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: In Strip #73, Demon-Jame attempts to blight Aorist's crops, but ends up just killing the weeds in his garden.
- Non-Answer: From Strip #164:First Folio: What? How the hey does killing Jame help preserve the balance?
Unity: Imagine that the two halves of the universe rest on a giant seesaw.
First Folio: Okay.
Unity: We hope that has made everything clear to you.
- Nonindicative Name: Unless you count the kitchen "island" and the terror of living with a roommate.
- Also, Ned Q. Sorcerer is not a sorcerer.
- Centre of the Earth University is located on the surface of the Moon.
- The Nothing After Death
- Not-So-Harmless Villain: When Demon-Jame first appeared, all he did was kill the weeds in Aorist's garden and trap some people in a cage before being banished while he was distracted pointing out the flaws in Stephen's logic. He returns later and kills Aorist.
- Only Sane Man: Jame, whose most common role is to constantly make logical complaints and rational suggestions that are never listened to. And even he has his moments.
- Oxymoronic Being:
- The Obvious Dentist's superpower is that everyone knows he's a dentist. He's not a dentist, but everyone still knows he is.
- Jamezu is the wine steward at Famous Jame's, a restaurant that doesn't serve wine.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Taken Up to Eleven with Ally C's disguise as The Reportress. The only difference is that The Reportress doesn't wear glasses, whereas Ally C doesn't wear contacts.
- Photo Comic
- Previously On
- Quirky Town
- The Rant: Both creators have one at the bottom of each comic.
- Smurfing: York does this for a while, starting here
- Spelling Bee: Includes the archaic "Camelopard", the word "iufjeme" (the definition of which is "contains a silent f before the j"), and the "null word".
- Stuffed into the Fridge: Aorist
- Tag Line: a lot, listed heredistinct from everything, including itselfremarkably popular in Norwaythe photocomic that's not a photocomicthe universe's only logically necessary comicinexplicable title, hilarious cast pageserious gamepieces, serious photocomic"I have nothing against picture comics."we put the wink in tiddlywinksthe webcomic that takes place on a dude's sink and has chess piecessix of one, two dozen of the other.intelligent and perhaps even educatedGuys I honestly did not want to like this comicactually has nothing to do with terror and is not set on an island"I'm not sure why it's called Terror Island."Holla mine brothers and sister over internet space!"some photos of chess pieces don't want to buy groceries?"
- Voodoo Shark: Parodied and Lampshaded in one strip.Liln: It's been a long time since you guys went shopping. Why haven't you starved to death yet?
Sid: Now that Stephen's the Czar, people have been sending tributes. Some of them are edible or near-edible.
Liln: But Stephen's only been Czar for a few days.
Sid: Aorist sent the stuff back in time.
Liln: Wait, what?
Sid: Oh, right. I mean forward in time.
Liln: That wouldn't work.
Sid: What, and you think going back in time would?
- What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: The Obvious Dentist. His power is that people know that he's a dentist. He's not a dentist, but people still know he is. We later find out he actually also has the ability to teleport, but that's presumably not considered a power in his home universe.
- Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Similar to the Future Slang gag, the characters always use flowery, alliterative, pseudo-Shakespearean English in flashbacks.
- Zany Scheme: obviously.
Looks like somebody's been eating sour grapes.