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Antiquated Linguistics
Kaiba: Your brash nature offends me, Mr. Moto! I shall soon put an end to your impertinence!
Yami: You have assembled several creatures! Surely this is a violation?
Kaiba: My affluence makes a nonsense of the regulations!

Chapter the Firſt: In Which a Trope is Deſcrib'd.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I perceive that you are all familiar with the language Conſtruct of which I endeavour to ſpeak! It is the Phænomenon amongſt tele-viſuall Programmes ſet in the Æra betwixt the Years of Our Lord One Thouſand Eight Hundred Fifty and One Thouſand Nine Hundred Thirty to portray thoſe of the Time-frame as being flummox'd by the Concept of Abbreviations, as though it never occurr'd to thoſe Buffoons that to ſay "tele-viſuall Device" is bulky whilſt they converſe over their electro-magnetick tele-phonick Trans-mitters!

Furthermore, as diſplay'd in this Body of Work, Hyphens were of common Uſage for Words with well-defin'd Præ-fixes, in Addition to thoſe Words known to be compound! Indeed, it appears that only in the laſt Half-century did the glorious Sibling to the Daſh become relegated to its current Duties of Word-ſplitting and Word-wrapping!

This is eſpecially note-worthy conſidering that thoſe Works which actually come to us from the Time-frame in Quæſtion do not display ſuch typographicall Oddities.

Further Reſearch may be found under Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness and Purple Prose, ſhould the Reader feel the Deſire to peruſe them. Some Ruffians would claim this to be a Sub-ſet of Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, but ſuch Claims are as diſtanc'd from Reality as are the air-borne Capabilities of Swine!

In Defence of what may appear to be an utterly ſcandalous Trope, many Publications of the XVII and XVIII Centuries after the Birth of our Lord, the Chriſt, may ſeem to adhære to this Standard. Peruſe the Writings of Meſſrs. Hume, Locke, Smith, and the ſeverall Founders of the United States of America (or perchance ſimply the Conſtitution which they wrote), among Others! Trans-lators of Writers from the Europæan Continent will at Times feel an inexplicable and irreſiſtible Urge to trans-late the Works of thoſe who lived contemporaneouſly with theſe noble Thinkers in the ſelf-ſame Manner. This may indeed be justifiable and entirely in the Way of God's Naturall Reaſon, for the Manner of Writing prævalent in the German States and France did indeed tend towards the ſame Patterns as did their Brethren acroſs the Engliſh Channel and the vaſt Ocean Atlantick (which for Reaſons incomprehenſible and unfathomable to the Speakers of the præſent Time have term'd a "Pond") and Trans-lation in the ſelf-ſame Style could be what theſe inter-communicative Data-ſets have term'd a "Translation Convention." The Reader is aſk'd to peruſe Meſſrs. Rouſſeau, Kant, Voltaire, and Goethe at his own Riſk.

We would conſider it to be in moſt good Form if the Reader not confuſe us with thoſe ſimply GHASTLY Ruffians over at Talk Like a Pirate. Confuſion with that downright archaïck, though charming, Form of mis-plac'd Oration known as Flowery Elizabethan English is alſo to be ſtrenuouſly avoided. One might alſo find it adviſable to contraſt the linguiſtick Affect of one Elizabeth Summers and her Aſſociates, and thoſe Affects of Miſter Spock.


Chapter the Second: In Which Examples are Expounded:

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    Animated Serialls of Nipponese Origin 
  • One Rock Lee of the animated epiſodick Production Naruto, as trans-lated into the Engliſh by the Viz Media, LLC, abjures all Contractions. This is done becauſe in the originall Work of said Title, young Maſter Lee ſpeaks in the moſt formall Declenſions and Pro-nouns of the Many on Offer to a Speaker of the Language of thoſe who hail from the Land of Cipangu.
  • Hotohori, the eſteem'd Monarch from Fushigi Yuugi, is rather inclin'd to make his Articulations in this Faſhion. He does of courſe enunciate his Speech with the occaſional Uſage of Contractions.
  • From the Work entitl'd Tenjho Tenge, we obſerve the current Head of the Natſume Houſehold and Figure-head of the Toudou Academy's extra-curricular Aſſociation Juken, Madame Maya Natſume, whoſe Manner of Speech is moſt befitting of her rôle, in Spite of as much as her exceſſively curvaceous Figure, or the child-like bodily Viſage on which ſhe takes in Order to conſerve her phyſicall and ſpirituall Strength, may lead Spectators to believe other-wiſe.
  • In the Kannagi Publication of ſequentiall Art, Nagi's obsolete Japaneſe is trans-lated in this Faſhion, with a little Bit of the verball Stylings of the Author J. R. R. Tolkien inadmixtur'd. ("Fool of a Jin!")
  • Within the firſt Arc of the Saga known as Yugioh 5 Ds, the young Lady Protagoniſt Akiza finds her-ſelf engaging in a Duel againſt a Foe known as Sir Randſborg, who does converſe in this Manner.

    Novel-bas'd Sequentiall Art 
  • The illustrated Supplement known regarding the adventurous Lives of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is narrated in a well-articulated Faſhion, even when deſcribing the pornographick Eſcapades of the Tale's main Perſonages! God bless the Queen, indeed.
  • The primary comicall Element in the Piece known as "Raffles the Gentleman Thug", found in the regular Collection of comick Cuts known as Viz, is the Re-writing of familiar coarſe Exclamations of Provocation, Anger, or amatory Appreciation in ſuch Manner.
  • Doctor Grordbort's Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory, publiſh'd by the enterpriſing Fellows at Dark Horse Periodicalls, is a Catalogue of the wondrous Wares of the aforemention'd Doctor Grordbort, that well-known Purveyor of all Manner of Contraptions and Contrivances steampunk-iſh. This faſcinating and hand-ſome hard-cover Volume (a Copy of which ſhould grace the Book-ſhelf of any Gentleman Adventurer worthy of the Title) has been penn'd entirely in this ſpiffing Style. Not that any Perſon of Claſs and Breeding would expect leſs from the good Doctor, whoſe Company advertiſes it-ſelf with the ſplendid Slogan "Protecting scantily clad minxes since back in the day!"
  • I, Grimlock, after being gifted with remarkable Intelligence, adopted this Manner of Speaking, although I, Grimlock, am ſtill ſtuck with certain linguiſtick Idio-ſyncracies. Mustn't complain too much though, wot?

    Tales Author'd by Amateur Devotees 
  • I dare ſay I ſhall not be held in Contempt by you the Noble Reader ſhould I add to this "bulleted" Liſt the fine and exceedingly well-wrought Work The Luck Of Dennis St Michel Viscount Stokington, which is compoſ'd primarily in juſt the Manner and Faſhion deſcrib'd above!
  • Miſter David Langford, the noted Essayist and Critick on the Subject of ſcientifick Romance, wrote an Epiſtle in ſuch a Style for a periodicall Publication aim'd at Enthusiasts (or "fanatick-Magazine") in which he deſcribes a hypotheticall Convention of Authors of ſcientifick Romance in the Year of Our Lord One Thouſand Eight Hundred Eighty-Two. An electronick Trans-cription of this Article may be found herewith.
  • Some Amateur-author'd Works for Axis Powers Hetalia tend to exaggerate to a mark'd Degree the canonicall Tendency by the embodied Character of Austria to ſpeak in very formall and propre Language. That is, unleſs the ſaid Character is either distraught or speaking most privately.
  • The œuvre of Totall Drama Devotee Gideoncrawle is replete with Diſcourſe of this Sort, albeit in subdued Form, for ſuch is a notable Facet of that Worthy's naturall Style. Nor do these Narratives lack for the occaſionall unalloy'd or even exaggerated Example, ſuch as rendering Dates in the Form, "The Year Of Our Lord Two Thousand Six".
  • The Depiction of Mordred who appears in Justice Society of Japan ſpeaks in ſuch a Manner, as a Reſult of a Faſcination with the Works of that illuſtrious Bard, William Shakespeare. In truth, one Perſonage of this fine Tale even expoſits that Mordred ſhould in actuall Fact be ſpeaking the Engliſh of Saxon or Plantagenet Times, rather than incorrectly ſtriving for that Lilt of Her Majeſtie Elizabeth the Firſt.

    Kinemato-graphick Motion-Pictures 
  • A Motion-picture entitl'd Time Changer, noted for its whole-some Christian Influence on the impreſſionable Minds of the young, is alſo noted for its Tendency to employ this Trope. (In the Words of one Reviewer: "Victorian speech apparently consisted of big words, no contractions, and saying 'sir' a whole lot.")
  • The new Sherlock Holmes Kinemato-graphick. It must be ſaid that the above Perſons partaking in the Participation of this Kinematick have all adhær'd to the inhærent Traits of the Perſonages therein.
  • The fine kinematick Picture Kate and Leopold has, of courſe, the impeccably Victorian meaſur'd Politeneſs of Duke Leopold... which, of courſe, the Others aſſume is but an Act.
  • The animated Kinemato-graphick Tangled features ſeverall ſpoken Lines of Dialogue in this Manner by the Lovable Ruffian Flynn Rider, when he firſt encounters Rapunzel, the female Protagoniſt. Following this, he unſucceſſe-fully attempts to ſeduce her.
  • Within the Kinemato-graphick Pirates of the Caribbean, the right gentlemanly Captain Jack Sparrow conducts his Speech in this Manner.
  • The Character of Thor in the Marvel Kinematick Universe has quite a formall and slightly antiquated Manner of Speaking, as does Loki:
    Loki: You need the cube to bring me home, but I've sent it off, I know not where.
  • The Characters within the kinematick Adaptations of Profeſſor Tolkien's Lord of the Rings ſpeak in this Manner, exempli gratia: "It would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart."
  • The XVI-Century Ruſſian dramatis perſonæ in the Sovietiſh Kinemato-graphick Ivan Vasilievich Changes Profession, ſpeak uſing ſlightly antiquated Grammar and employ Words that no longer are in wide Uſage, yet ſtill are recognizable by the Audience (moſtly through the Ruſſian Orthodox Church's Uſe of the Old Church Slavonick Tongue). Naturally, the Ruſſian Tongue of the reall XVI Century is poſſeſſ'd of many more Differences from its modern-Day Counterpart.
  • Those Perſons native to the Year of Our Lord, One Thouſand Eight Hundred Eighty-Five in Back to the Future Part III uſe ſome archaïck Language of the XIX Century, which leads into a Subverted Catchphrase Jeſt about "Nobody Calls Me Chicken" becoming "nobody calls me yellow". On the officiall Commentary, the Screen-writer Miſter Robert Gale ſays that he turn'd to the venerable Miſter Mark Twain's Writings to attempt valiantly the American Vernacular of the Period.
  • In Youth in Revolt, the juvenile Characters aſtoniſhingly retain a moſt ſophiſticated Nomenclature. Of courſe, Nick has a Deſire to be a Writer, and this Quality is not terribly uncommon in that Breed - particularly in the young Sort.

    The Printed Word 
  • The prime Exemplar of this Trope muſt ſurely be William Hope Hodgson's epick Tale ſet after the Death of the Sun, The Night Land - publiſh'd in the Year of Our Lord One Thouſand Nine Hundred Twelve, yet written entirely in ſuch antiquated and convoluted Proſe as to be nigh unreadable. Which is, withall, a moſt unhappy Matter; for this is a Work of great Imagination, rightly praiſ'd by the eſteem'd Brian Wilson Aldiss, O.B.E., in his Billion Year Spree.
    • Herewith a ſmall (yet repreſentative) Sample: "Now I went forward for a space, and took heed not to look backwards; but to be strong of heart and spirit; for that which did lie before me had need of all my manhood and courage of soul, that I come to the succour of that Maid afar in the darkness of the World, or meet my death proper, as it might need to be."
  • As a moſt prime Example of setting the above-mention'd Præcedent, I dareſay that Miſter H.P. Lovecraft wrote in the like-minded Faſhion of the Decade of the One Thouſand Eight Hundred Nineties, in Opposition to the Decade of the One Thouſand Nine Hundred Twenties, the Time in which he put many of his Tales to Paper.
    • This is further perpetuated, and I ſhould declare diſtinctly aggravated, by the many Aſpirers who indulge in Mimicry of the afore-mention'd Miſter Lovecraft, further removing the afore-ſaid Style from the rightfull Antiquity it ſhould indeed call Home.
    • Alſo, it is worth noting that Lovecraft himself was influenc'd by Lord Dunſany (as prov'd below).
    • Though if any ſhould peruſe the Works of other Scribes of the Time, perchance the originall Tales of Conan the Barbarian by one Miſter Robert Ervin Howard, one would diſcovre that the afore-ſaid ſeemingly antiquated Style was that which was quite common-place for the Æra.
      • Of courſe, it ſhould not eſcape the Attention of the gentle Reader that Meſſrs. Lovecraft and Howard were moſt amiably acquainted and literary Compeers, often taking up Residence in the ſame fictitious Environs. Such a Conſideration lends Credence to the Notion that ſuch charming, if ſeſquipedalian, Circum-locutions were a Sign of private Solidarity, rather than of blindly populiſt Apery.
  • The Fiction of Miſter J. Vance is noted for its highly eloquent linguiſtick Style, which reſembles that of James Branch Cabell in the Eyes of certain Criticks.
  • Lord Dunsany, who was born in the XIX Century, but liv'd well into the Mid-point of the XX Century, was famous for his Uſe of archaïck Language to give an other-worldly Feel to his Stories. Unlike moſt of the Perſons who ſought to imitate his Style, he excell'd at ſuch.
    • His fellow Resident of the Britannick Iſle, a Miſter Neil Gaiman, penn'd a Volume of Fiction - or "Novel", as the modern youthful Perſons are calling these paper-made knowledge Depoſits - entitl'd Starduſt, in a ſimilarly old-faſhion'd Style of Phraſeo-logie.
  • The ponderous Tome of one Miſtreſs Clarke, entitl'd Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, which features the daring Eſcapades of ſeverall Practicians of various Schools of Magicks, both theoreticall and practically applied, during the Reign of George the Third, by the Grace of God, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain, France and Ireland, and Defender of the Faith shews a proverbiall Cornucopia of the particular Trait under Diſcuſſion. Moreover, it is always pitch-perfect. Yet ſhe riſes, at Times, to affect the ſeverer Elegance of her great model.
  • The Khaavren Romances of Dragaera purport to repræſent Novels of an historicall Nature from the Country in which they occur, whoſe Title is uſ'd to deſcribe the full Series, and indeed are meant in ſome Portion as a work to render Appreciation to Another, that moſt well-known of Providers of Examples of this Characteristick, Monſieur Alexandre Dumas.
  • The Book of Mormon was written in an antiquated Style reminiscent of the Trans-lation of the Holy Bible authoriz'd by the ſovereign King James the Sixth of Scotland and Firſt of England.
  • The honorable Gentleman that went under the Sobriquet of Patrick O'Brian once elected to pen a Number of maritime Adventures — for which he is now moſt famous — in the Style and grammatical Convention of the Period deſcrib'd therein: namely, thoſe glorious Days of the Struggle with that French Abomination (indeed, only those godless Republicans ever could produce ſuch a Creature), Napoleon.
  • Mason & Dixon. There is ſome form of Juſtification hereat, however, as the Tome in Quæſtion is ſet during the early Part of the XVIII Century, when Folk truly ſpake in the here-deſcrib'd Manner, deſpite the Work's actuall Status as having been penn'd by that eremite Thos. Pynchon during the gay Decade of the One Thouſand Nine Hundred Nineties.
    • "Golly, Mr. Pynchon," exclaim'd our young Hero, "How did you absorb the language of American boys-own stories of the early 00's so well—I thought Remains of the Day was as up-to-date as an Electric Car!!"
  • Noöne exhibiting the least Sense could fail to notice that The Sot-Weed Factor, written by one D—— B——, is compoſ'd entirely in the Style and Idiom of its Time, that being roughly the latter Days of good Queen Anne (D.G.), and ſet both in England and in the sauvage Lands of the Virginian Plantation, and containing within it-ſelf numerous Japes, Witticisms, Coïncidences, Death's-bed Scenes, and Matters not ſuitable for Ladies or for the Young of any ſex.
  • A Cove would have to be dead blind, perhaps on ſome Sort of exotick Hooch, not to notice that Charles Stross' Trunk and Disorderly is set in modern Times (Centuries after the near-collapſe of the human Race) but is written in the barbarous yet ſpiffing Idiom naturall to the early XX Century Maſter P. G. Wodehouse; enough to drive a Cove near to Diſtraction, as Uncle Philpott once remark'd. (In Addition, there exists a Dalek.)
  • Doctor Grordbort's Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory is a ſtimulating Compendium of Death Ray Weapons, electro-motive Engines and health-enhancement Machines for all Enthuſiaſts of the Genre known as "Steam-punk", plus thoſe Gentlemen of Leiſure who feel that their Maſculinitie would be groſſly enhanc'd by the Acquiſition of an Exterminator of Prodigious Dimensions.
  • A Series of Unfortunate Events is a ſuperlative Specimen of the afore-mention'd Topick compoſ'd for juvenile Conſumption. The Volumes' Diction is delite-fully, yet comprehenſibly, duſted with archaïck Words.
  • Wondermark creator David Malki! is rather fond of writing parodick Victorian Novels.
  • Subverſions moſt able and ironick may be found among the Works for the Stage created with the Pen of Miſter William Shakespeare, with a moſt direct and, dare I ſay, common Manner of Speech of ſuch memorable Characters as Grave-diggers and Watchmen.
  • In the Chronicles of Twilight, one Sir Edward Cullen is often referr'd as enunciating in this Manner. However, there is not a ſingle Procurement of the good Maſter Cullen conferring in this Style of Vocalization. Indeed, it would be apparent that Maſter Cullen articulates in a Manner more aſſociated with young Ladies and Gentlemen entering their finall Years of American publick Education, and not in the Manner of refin'd, elderly Gentlemen born in the Year of Our Lord One Thouſand Eight Hundred Ninety-Four. It is for this Reaſon that one may reasonably be driven to conclude that Cullen's Grandiloquence is merely an inform'd Attribute.
  • The renown'd Peers Helion and Phaethon (and sundry Others) of Miſter John Charles Wright's The Golden Œcumene ſpeak in a refin'd, rationall, and exquiſitely well-reason'd Manner, ſuitable to immortall and ſupra-human Intelligences. Of note, alſo, our Heroes, Helion and Phaethon, belong to a School of Thought to which Affectations of Victorian-age Linguiſticks and Decorum are encouraged.
  • The Book (and Film) A Clockwork Orange by Miſter Anthony Burgeſs frequently uſes 'thou', 'thee' and 'thine' in Addition to many pretend Words inſpir'd by the Argot of Ruſſia. Theſe Actions were primarily taken becauſe the Author him-ſelf fear'd that what he was writing about would not be publiſh'd if it were written in plain Engliſh.
  • The honourable Authoreſs Emma Donoghue is known to pen certain of her Novels (viz. Slammerkin and Life Maſk) in the afore-mention'd Style; however, one may ſtate with Confidence that the Lady's Style of écriture is most right and propre, as her reſpectable Novels are ſet during the Reigns of Their Majesties King George the Second and King George the Third.
  • This Trope is explicitly ſtated to have been averted in the Introductions to the Penguin Trans-lations of Émile Zola's Novels. The Trans-lators felt that what Zola wiſh'd to accomplish would be better render'd in modern Engliſh Vernacular than in the periodicall æquivalent to the French of the XIX Century in which Zola wrote, which would ſound comicall to Engliſh Readers and damage ſome of the Integrity of the Works.
  • The main Character of The Full Matilda author'd by Miſter David Haynes, verbalizes as ſuch, and her perſpective Chapters are penn'd in ſuch a Style. This may be a Justified Trope, becauſe her Father inſtill'd this Virtue in her, ſo that ſhe could differentiate her-ſelf from the various colour'd and Negroid Dialects of the Æra (and ſhe does refer to other Perſons of her raciall Perſuaſion in ſuch a Way). She alſo demands that her Brother's Offspring uſe ſuch a Style of elocution.
  • Darkness Visible, being a scientifiction Novel ſet firmly in the Reign of Queen Victoria, naturally falls into the Style of this Trope.
  • In Gemma Doyle, a Gaslamp Fantasy, the Characters ſpeak in juſt the ordinary Manner of one who liv'd during Victorian Times.
  • As they take Place during that Period of History when Napoleon Bonaparte was Maſter of the Continent and an Enemy to all Engliſhmen, the Adventures of Captain William Laurence and his faith-full, eponymous draconick Companion Temeraire are naturally compoſ'd in the Language of their Day. It is a not-uncommon Obſervation by a certain Class of Reader that theſe Volumes of Fiction reſemble the potentiall Reſult of the combin'd Efforts of Authoresses Jane Austen and Anne McCaffrey—after a thrilling Round of Dungeons & Dragons.
  • The noble Members of the unfathomable, formerly united Organization V.F.D. are up-held in Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography to ſpeak in a Manner moſt genteel, to-wards both each other and the ignoble Members.
  • Not ſeen in the Tomes entitl'd Brother Cadfael, in which the Language is not alter'd to be antiquated. Indeed, the Engliſh of the Æra in which the Events of thoſe Volumes occur is a decidedly dis-ſimilar Tongue to the Engliſh even of Shakeſpeare.

    Tele-visuall Productions 
  • Within the tele-viſ'd World of stag'd gladiatoriall Combat, there is a Gentleman of the Appellation Bob Backlund, whoſe Calling-card has become the Berating and Dressing-down of Others uſing ſuch Vocabulary.
  • I ſhould like to ſubmit an Obſervation, to wit, that Miſter Michael John Nelſon, a notable paſt Participant in the belov'd tele-viſuall comick Programme known as "Mystery science theater, three-thousand" has publiſh'd ſeverall Eſſays of a humorous Nature. In ſaid Eſſays, Miſter Nelſon often-times will affect a highly formall Syntax, ſome-what redolent of this particular Trope. In-deed, as exemplified in the Paper-back'd Compendium, Mike Nelson's Movie MegaCheeſe, ſuch Proſe, when applied to a Diſcuſſion of ſuch frivolous moving Picture Dramas as Action Jackſon, or tele-viſuall Serialls like unto "Bay-watch", can quite often provoke an amuſ'd Reaction in the Reader.
  • French tele-viſuall Broad-caſt Nicolas Le Floch chronicles the Adventures of the eponymous Police-man at the Court of Louis the Fifteenth. Although its Stories are ſome-what common, it is a peculiarly delite-full Programme, thanks to the old-faſhion'd linguiſtick Affectations of its Characters.
  • Dead Gorgeous is an Antipodean tele-viſuall Production, chronicling the Adventures of a Trio of Siſters who ſhuffl'd off the mortall Coil in the Year of our Lord One Thouſand Eight Hundred Sixty. One hundred fifty Years later, the Siblings are permitted to return to the Earth as Ghoſts in Order to attend the Boarding-ſchool that now occupies the Structure that was once their familiall Home. Much Comœdie is deriv'd from the Juxtaposition of the extremely formall - and, indeed, antiquated - Speech-patterns of the ghoſtly Triad with the far more colloquial Utterances of their modern-Day Schoolmates.
  • It distreſſes me to no End that I ſee here no Reference to the lamented Deadwood, a Series notable for its diſtinctive linguiſtick Stylings in Phraſe, as well as its more frequently remark'd Achievements in Vocabulary. The Reſidents of and Viſitors to the colour-full Mining-camp Community of Deadwood, Dakota Territory, were frequently heard to expreſs them-ſelves in lengthy, preciſely ſtructur'd, and apparently extemporaneous complex compound Sentences, with never a Word out of Place nor a Clauſe left fuckin' dangling.
  • Almoſt entirely abſent in Murdoch Mysteries, where the Characters uſe the occaſionall antiquated Word if a modern One was not in common Uſage.

    Phonographick Recordings of Musicall Artistes 
  • Meſſrs. Hall, Gates and Edgar (Performers of comick Ditties who have banded together as the musicall Ensemble known as Tripod) choſe to inſcribe the Sleeve-notes to their phonographick Recording titl'd Songs from Self Saucing in this diſtinctive linguiſtick Style. As an Illuſtration, the Section that might have been deſcrib'd as the 'Track Listing' upon more proſaïck Albums by leſſer muſicall Talents, is far more accurately entitl'd upon this Compilation as "A Complete Listing of the Songs from Self-Saucing: For the benefit of those prevaricating upon the purchase of this Audio product".

     Works of Fiction in queer and new-fangl'd Media (likely or not as they are to 'catch on') 
  • The Purveyors of Partake of Your Kim-Chee - a kinemato-graphick documentarian Series bas'd in Han-Sŏng of the Cho-Sŏn Empire - Miſter and Madame Simon Stawſki, Eſq., in the Wake of the latter contracting the Spaniſh Influenza and incapacitating her laryngeall Capabilities, have made an entry in the characteriſtick of Turn-of-the-Century ſilent Kinematographie, whereupon they ſavour Delites purchaſ'd from Mom-and-Pop corner Drug-ſtores amidſt other Varieties of Tomfoolery. It is note-worthy for its Poſtlude, in which the Doublet give an encore Rendition of "Shots" by LMFAO uſing the Vocabulary and poëtick Styles of the contemporary Period.
  • For thoſe with Acceſs to inter-networking between electronick computing Engines, the Homestar Runner Locality has the "Old-Timey" Sub-ſpace, whoſe Strong Bad Doppelgänger is well-known for this Trait. In Addition, thoſe who ſend him "Telegrammaparcels" ſuch as the One quoted herein appear to mimick or ſhare his Speaking-traits.
  • Would you kindly examine this Image? And, if you would again be ſo kind, conſult the neareſt etymologicall Repoſitory - reſt aſſur'd, you will find that the Uſe of the Word 'Cheeſe' far præ-dates the Invention of the 'Photo-graph', and therefore noöne need refer to that moſt delicious of Concoctions as 'Milk-curd' unleſs they are a firſt-hand Witneſs of Arthurian Legend. It muſt be conceded, however, that the Phraſe 'Cheeſe-burger' is, indeed, an Invention of the Year of Our Lord One Thouſand Nine Hundred Thirty-Eight.
    • Though one ſhould ſcarcely anticipate accurate grammaticall Conſtructions in ſuch Circum-ſtance, this Cataloguer of recurrent artistick Motifs needs deſpair at ſuch hap-hazard Concatenation of erroneous verball Conjugations and perſonall Pro-nouns.
    • I dareſay this Example has been ſubverted by the Appearance of an actuall antiquated Photo-graph featuring a Feline awaiting its Meal, from the Year of our Lord One Thousand Nine Hundred Five.
  • The firſt Paragraph of the Inter-network's parodicall Encyclopædia, Un-cyclopædia, has compoſ'd an Article on Miſter Charles Dickens, and it is written in ſuch a Manner ſo as to reſemble the famous Author's Proſery diſtinctly.
    • Scholars of the movable-type Printing-preſs' Productions have made extenſive Notations on the indiſputable Fact that the Scrivener known as Miſter Charles Dickens repeatedly indulg'd him-ſelf with ſuch Preciſion and Verbosity in no minuſcule Diviſion for the Purpoſe of receiving a heighten'd Salary, as the Gentleman in Quæſtion had Remuneration diſtributed upon him baſ'd on the vaſt Quantity of Verbiage utiliz'd in each of Miſter Dickens' literary Endeavours.
  • Employ'd during a recapitulation of The Condensed Programme of Yu-Gi-Oh where the young and affluent Buſineſ-sman, Seto Kaiba, re-iterates his moſt famous Line of Dialogue from the Series' beginning thuſly:
  • On the Web-ſite known as YouTube, there is a Collection of Videos wherein Uſers would edit the "Meet the Team" Shorts of Team Fortreſs Part the Second, and 'dub' them with an electronick Text-to-ſpeech Voice ſpeaking in this Manner, typically accompanied by Top-hats, Monocles and Mouſtaches, as well as claſſicall muſick. Should you wiſh to endeavour to view a Motion-picture of this Category, click here.
  • Deſpite its typically vulgar Nature, the Inter-net colloquially referred to as "4chan" is occaſionally Home to well-verſ'd Diſcuſſions among thoſe viſiting it on Matters ranging humorously among whatever ſeems to ſuit their respective Fancies - be it Weaponry, foreign Culture, or ſimple pr0nz. The 'meme', as it is known, is typically call'd 'verboſe' or 'Gentleman'.
  • The eponymous Gentleman from the ſtrange and oft-unſettling Series Salad Fingers is wont to ſpeak in ſuch linguiſtick Style.
  • Re-interpretations of contemporary Expreſſions of the lyrick Arts in ſuch a Style - or an Attempt at a Facſimile thereof - often adorn Reproductions of Joſeph Ducreux' Exerciſes in Self-portraiture.
  • In Darths & Droids, Darth Maul is poſſeſſ'd of Diction ſimilar to that of a Detective from hard-boil'd printed Works.
  • Sir Suzaku Kururugi is poſſeſſ'd of Diction of this Sort in the condens'd Series author'd by Maſter Sehanort.
  • GameChap is the Owner of a YouTube Channel, devoted to the Production of Minecraft Let's Play Video-grammes. He utilizes this Style of Linguiſticks.
  • Jake Engliſh of Homestuck ſpeaks in a Manner befitting a Gentleman living in the heady Days of the Turn of the XX Century, regardleſs of his having grown up in the XXI Century. He is, tragically, wholly unaware of the anachronistick Nature of his Diction, going ſo far as to make jocular Statements on the Iſſue in ſuch a Way as to produce the Phænomenon known as 'Irony'.
    TT: ...
    • Jake does, however, periodically breach the typicall Structure of this Diction with fucking Profanity.
  • Step right up, Ladies and Gentlemen, and be aſtounded, at the amazing Doctor Carefree's ætherick-ray Feet.
  • Frilly Shirt diſplays this in prodigious Abundance, in keeping with its humorous Conceit of being the Journall of a Belle Époque Baronet of thoroughly bohemian Senſibilities.
  • Demonſtrated by the humble Recapitulator of an Epiſode of Bleach which hardly pertain'd to the overall Plot in an Effort to mitigate its Diſtaſtefullneſs — Chapter One-Hundred and Eighty-Four of the Tale of Bleach.
  • A notable Feature of the literary Productions of H. Albertus Boli, L.L.D., diſplay'd moſt ſignally in the Celebrated Magazine of the afore-mention'd ſavant.
  • In a rather peculiar Move, the Authoreſs of Hark! A Vagrant only utilizes this linguiſtick Style in the Iſſue from which her Series of Illuſtrations has obtain'd its Name. Deſpite being an illuſtrative Series baſ'd on numerous Periods of Time, the Characters ſpeak in ſo-call'd 'modern Engliſh', likely to increaſe the Value of the Comœdie.
  • As a rather minor, yet nevertheleſs legitimate Example of this Trope, Miſter Daniel Sexbang of the Game Grumps, when referring to the Areas of a Video-game, instead of uſing the more-commonly accepted Terms 'Levels' or 'Stages', uſes the Term 'Boards'. Said Expreſſion was only typically common during the early Ages of Video-game Hiſtory and has not been in the common Lexicon for Decades, though this fits in with Daniel's Experience mainly being rooted in two-dimensionall Video-games.
  • The Posh Breakdown of the Gorilla Who Refers To Himself as an Ass, in which the theme of Donkey Kong 64 is rewritten into this manner.

    News-papers 
  • In printed Media, a Spoofery known as The Mercantile-Onion was reſponſible for a Tome that was call'd Our Dumb Century. Juſt about every News-paper front Page from this Time-frame included the Style of Speech you ſee here, accentuated by the occaſionall gratuitous Hyphen for a compound Word.
    • The News-paper Informatives entomb'd therein merely reflected the Præciſion and Exactneſs of literary Under-takings of The Mercantile-Onion's long-time Publiſher, T. Herman Zweibel. One can only marvel at the Weakening of the linguiſtick Faculties of the authoriall Experts now employ'd when one compares them to Herr Zweibel.
    • "Fisticuffsmanship!"
  • Further Compariſon can be made to the independently publiſh'd Magazine Timothy Mc Sweeney's Quarterly Concern, whoſe Editors make a Point of utilizing Victorianesque Titles and Appellations (the front Page always providing the moſt appoſite Examples) to create the Atmoſphære of a ſophisticated and important Publication.
  • It always amuſes me greatly to open the Pages of One of my fine monthly Motoring-periodicals* and obſerve that the Summation of the paſt Month's Events is plac'd under the Heading 'Matters of Moment'. It is moſt pleaſing to ſee ſome Aſpects of the modern World ſtill rooted firmly in the Paſt. (* Motor Sport Magazine)
  • The Britiſh Gentleman's quarterly Publication The Chap is rife with ſuch daſhing Hyphens, antiquated Verbiage and other varied linguiſtico-ſartorial Japes.
  • One memorable Inſtance of the daily Illustration entitl'd Calvin and Hobbes begins with the formerly nam'd Member of the eponymous Troupe and his Mother engag'd in a typicall Diſcourſe (the Boy announcing his temporary Departure, and the Mother expreſſing Suſpicion of, and ſubſequently warning againſt, any mischievous Intentions on his Part), remarkable chiefly in that the exchange on both Sides was conducted in a Mode of Speech indisputably reminiſcent of that commonly found within the theatricall Plays of the Bard of Avon. This unusuall diſplay continued for a full three-fourths of the Work's allotted Structure, before reaching its Concluſion, depicting the ſelf-ſame Pair ſeated in Front of a "tele-viſion Set", obſerving upon it what one may logically infer to have been a ſtag'd Production of ſaid Bard's Works. The Youth, viſibly diſpleaſ'd with the Entertainment, and once again adopting in his habituall Manneriſms, expreſſ'd his Deſire that the Set be attun'd to the Signal of a different Broad-caſt, perhaps a Drama focussing on the Execution of the Law, wherein the Players ſpoke in a decidedly more modern Verſe, a Request which his Mother, watching in rapt Attention, quietly ſhuſh'd.
  • It requires the intenſe Coöperation and ſtyliſtick Haberdaſhery to keep the diacriticall Marks half as poëticall as they are in a certain New Amſterdam periodicall.
  • There exiſts in the Antipodean Capitall a Publication call'd BMA Magazine, an undiſtinguiſh'd Trifle diſtributed free for the Edification of the unwaſh'd Maſſes. However, the periodicall is enliven'd by a Column entitl'd "Egads!", in which one Gideon Foxworthy-Smythe (who purports to be a temporally diſplac'd Edwardian Gentleman) quite rightly lambasts the Youth of Today for their lack of Manners and ludicrouſly low-hanging Trouſers.

    Desk-and-table-top-bas'd Amusements (Cards aside) 
  • The free-form acting multi-player Amusement Spirit Of The Century employs ſuch Diction throughout its Publication, and further encourages the Uſage of ſaid Diction among thoſe chooſing to perform ſaid free-form Acting.
  • Planescape has planar Cant, a Conſtruct of Shakeſpearean Engliſh with a few unique Terms for phantaſmagoricall Imaginings. Here is a list.
  • The good Baron Munchausen has produc'd a 'rôle-playing' Game 'in the New Style', over the Courſe of ſeverall Brandywines and expenſive Luncheons from his Publiſher, and this fine Work is, of courſe, written in the vernacular of a true Britiſh Gentleman. Indeed, it encourages, nay, requires the Participants thereof to do the Same, as well as to maintain the Proprieties of true étiquette and Præcedence. While the Baron recommends that Diſputes between Players be reſolv'd as between Gentlemen, whether with Piſtols or Swords (and devotes much of a Chapter to the Importance of finding a good Second), he alſo notes that there are ſome Perſons lilied of the Liver, with jaundic'd Bellies (and the French) who may ſeek to avoid ſuch gentlemanly Purſuits, and ſo recommends that Game commonly known as Rochambeau, although his Deſcription is, of courſe, somewhat fantaſticall.

    Electronick-computing-machine-bas'd Novels and Games 
  • The Mr. Handy Automata in the Fallout Series uſe this vernacular Approach in Order to invoke the Image of a Britiſh Butler from the moving Pictures of the Century paſt.
  • The XIIth Entry of the ironicall Appellation-bearing Final Fantasy Seriall utilizes this dandy Mode, its Cyclopædia of Marks and Beasts being of eſpeciall Prominence.
  • Discussed in Video Game/Guild Wars 2: "Sirrah, I can't find anyone to tell me the story of the old ruins." "Sirrah? Nobody talks like that anymore." "I do." "And that's why no-one is talking to you."
  • This was one of many, many jarring Changes made to the King's Quest Series by King's Quest: Mask of Eternity. For ſeven Games everyone's Speech was moſtly plain and modern, and then ſuddenly Men talk as though they were Miſter Shakeſpeare, even though the Setting is a Decade or two later.
  • The Icarus, a ſtout Yeoman following the Divinity of James within the Realm of Sacrifice, ſpeaks in Linguiſticks appropriate for a piloting Ace for jolly old Britain during the firſt World War.
  • Beatrice, the millennium-old Witch of Umineko: When They Cry, utilizes ſuch an archaïck Diction, albeit it hardly correſponds to her veritable Perſonality.
  • Venerable King Gilgameſh, the venerable ancient Hero who makes his daſhing ppearance in Fate/stay night, ſpeaketh only the eldeſt and moſt reſpectable Dialect of Nipponeſe.
  • In Robopon, young sir Cody has a touch of this.
    Cody: Should I put an end to Bisco's goon's treachery?

     Theatre (both respectable and base) 
  • Sir William Schwenk Gilbert and his Associate Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan did write their fam'd Operettas in the Æra in Quæſtion, however, Gilbert ſtill qualified for this Diſcuſſion by creating Dialogue that ſeem'd quaint and antiquated even by the Standard of Victorian England, hence its humorous Quality. "I wouldn't say a word that would be reckoned as injurious/But to find a mother younger than her son is very curious/And that's the kind of mother that is usually spurious/Tarradiddle Tarradiddle Tol-lol-lay!"
    • And in a musicall Number in Utopia, Limited, these Lines can be heard:
    Scaphio: A pound of dynamite
    Phantis: -amite
    Scaphio: Explodes in his auriculars.

    Animated Serialls from Europe and those civilis'd Portions of the Americas (otherwise known as the Occident) 
  • Miſter Herriman, the leporine Head of Buſineſs Affairs of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, articulates his Thoughts in this Manner without Interruption.
  • As well does that illuſtrious Captain of Induſtry, the nucleo-energo-harnesser Robber-baron C. Montgomery Burns.
    Mr Burns: You there! Fill her up with petroleum distillate. And revulcanise my tyres, posthaste!
    • In an Epiſode of the popular tele-viſuall Entertainment dedicated to chronicling the comicall Anticks of The Family Simpson (the Vignette in Quæſtion bearing the Cognomen "Helter Shelter"), the eponymous Kith and Kin find them-ſelves converſing in this Faſhion whilſt participating in a Documentary dedicated to recreating Life as it was liv'd in the Year of Our Lord One Thouſand Eight Hundred Ninety-Five.
    • In yet Another, one finds poſtulated an electronick-tablet Application dubb'd, 'Rosetta Crone', which trans-lates ſuch Flibbertigarkey into the vernacular of the XXI Century, as well as the inverſe Procedure.
  • Hedonism Bot, the decadent Automaton from Future-'Rama, ſpoke almoſt excluſively in this Way: "Oh sirrah! A man writing an opera about a woman!? How deliciously absurd!"
    • As did the mechanicall Gentleman Bender Bending Rodriguez, when he decides to ſwitch his Voice to "King" Mode.
  • Stewart, that cherubick Rapſcallion from The Gentleman of the Family, is wont to indulge in this.
    • Alſo, Brian once propoſes Marriage to a much older Lady. When ſhe terminates the Nuptialls, ſhe ſtarts to ſcream at him to leave the Keys to her Houſe on the Davenport, and other ſuch antiquated Terms for Furniture. This implies that ſhe is much older than ſhe ſaid that ſhe was.
  • Dear ſweet Lady Tottington of Wallace & Gromit fare is alſo naturally upper-claſs and fond of it, only ſelecting the most refin'd and delectable in Choices of Living.
  • Her Royal Highneſs Princeſs Luna, Monarch of our neareſt cælestiall Sphære from Mine Own Diminutive Equine: Camaraderie Is Enchantment, ſpeaks in ſuch a Manner, as is befitting of One who has ſpent a Millennium ſecreted in an Oubliette.
  • Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, known by his Similarity to a Flight-leſs Bird native of various Parts of the Southern Hemiſphære, is alſo known for articulating his Thoughts in this Manner.
  • The Venture Bros.: Dr. Byron Orpheus, MASTER of the necromantick Arts! He effortleſsly combines his antiquated Vocabulary with his Tendency to act like a grandiose Portion of the Flesh of Swine to the swelling Tune of a vociferous Orchestra! BEHOLD!:
    Dr. Orpheus: Hear me out! [clears throat] When young women reach estrus, the, uhh, lignum, ummm, craves theeee stamen-like skills of the yonie. This is quite natural.
    Triana: Dad. Come on. I'm doing you a favor.
    Dr. Orpheus: It's just that boys at their age have unchecked desires coursing, nay RAGING AS A TEMPEST WOULD!! Through their tingling nethers!
  • Applied by South Park through Kenny in one brief serial, and acknowledged thus:
    Stan: "On the 'morrow? The fuck is wrong with Kenny?"

    Wireless Telegraphy 
  • Ed Reardon's Week recounts the Tale of a Word-ſmith so enſconc'd in the Orthographie of the Paſt that he cannot adæquately ape the Speech-patterns of his contemporary Fellowmen, conſigning him to Penury.

    Factuall Happenings, Past and Præsent 
  • In his auto-biographicall Narrative God's Smuggler, Brother Andrew (1928 - ) explains that he firſt learn'd Engliſh by uſing a Dutch-Engliſh Dictionary and the Authoriz'd Bible (firſt printed in the Year of Our Lord One Thouſand Six Hundred Eleven). In his Book, he ſays that he once paſs'd on a Requeſt for Butter as "Thus sayeth the neighbor of Andrew, that thou wouldst be pleased to pass the butter." Add into this the Fact that he had a Dutch Accent of great Thickneſs which provided him with difficult Concerns as to pronouncing the 'th' Digraph, and one might conclude that thoſe by which he was ſurrounded may have been cauſ'd eminent Confuſion.
  • If you were to engage in a Converſation with a fine Citizen of England in Poſſeſſion of a Yorkshire Accent, you might hear them employ such archaïck Words as 'thee' and 'thou'. This is particularly audible in the ſplendid Melodies of those Chiefs of Kaiser.
  • In a ſimilar Faſhion, if you were to engage in Converſation with a Speaker of the Engliſh Language from the ſouthern Part of the African Continent (that is, the Republics of South Africa, Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, and Malawi), you would in all Likelihood diſcovre that the Patterns of Speech common to the Region ſeem to be remarkably like thoſe of earlier Times—certainly no later than the Decade of the One Thouſand Nine Hundred Fifties. This is of courſe a Conſequence of British Rule and its Character in that Part of the World, and in particular its educationall Syſtem, which has præſerv'd many delite-fully antiquated Manneriſms and Pronunciations. This Tendency is quite deftly portray'd in The No 1 Ladies Detective Agency and its ſubſequent Novels by Miſter Alexander McCall Smith.
    • Alſo true in India and neighbouring Countries - to the Point that many there pride them-ſelves on ſpeaking 'propre' Engliſh, unlike many native Speakers - having præſerv'd the Accent and Syntax as approv'd juſt before the Diſmantling of The British Empire.
    • One would find an Element of this under the Trope of Separated by a Common Language. The Majority of Words found to differ between fair Columbia and pernicious Albion date from the Period between the War of Revolution and the Advent of Tele-communications.
  • A Sort of French Æquivalent: Guernſey French, AKA Guerneſiais, ſpoken on the Iſland of Guernſey—a few Miles off Normandy, but technically under the Britiſh Crown (though with independent Government). It is ſaid to be a Verſion of the northern Dialect of French maroon'd there after the laſt Territory on the Europæan Mainland held under the Deſcendants of William the Conquerer fell to France in the XV Century. (It is alſo ſpoken with a heavy Engliſh Accent- moſt Channel Iſlanders theſe Days ſpeak Engliſh anyway- and ſo practically incomprehenſible to modern French Speakers.
  • Rituall uſ'd in Freemaſonry is heavy with archaïck Engliſh Uſages that often confuſe non-Members (and even ſome Members!). Actually under-ſtanding what is being ſaid is a more effective Paſs-word than the actuall Paſs-words.


Chapter the Third: In Which The Reader is Made Aware of Additionall Articles:


Aliens Speaking EnglishArtistic License - LinguisticsDid Not Do The Bloody Research
Aliens Speaking EnglishArtistic License - LinguisticsDid Not Do the Bloody Research
Animal TalkLanguage TropesArtistic License - Linguistics
Anthology FilmOlder than TelevisionAside Glance
Anti-HumorComedy TropesAnti-Sneeze Finger
Amazingly Embarrassing ParentsImageSource/WebcomicsBehind the Black
AngrishSelf-Demonstrating ArticleApologises a Lot

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