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Describe No You here.
Your face is describing No You here!
The act of replying to an insult by simply saying "No, you!" or something similar, meaning that said insult applied more to the person giving it than the person receiving it.
Omnipresent in schools, especially middle to high schools.
Similar comebacks:
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"It takes one to know one!"
The childhood classic, "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"
"You are the one who is X!" and its variant, "It is you who is X!"
Black Lion: In the infamously bad dub, the villain calls one of the hero's plans "too stupid". The hero responds soon after with, "I'M stupid?! YOU are the one that is stupid!"
In Final Fantasy: Unlimited, when Kaze is fighting Fungus in the latter's homeworld, Fungus (who seems immortal thanks to his ability to regenerate himself) taunts Kaze by saying that this will be where he dies. Kaze's response is simply to point at Fungus and say "No, YOU'RE the one who will die here!"
Comic Books
Scott Pilgrim aspires to this trope. Unfortunately, his comebacks are generally even lamer.
In the second volume Scott rages against his roommate Wallace ending with the childish "I'm rubber, you're glue", almost unreadable.
In Civil War, Captain America states that this should be your response to those who try to bully you into moving away from your convictions.
Fan Fiction
In My Little Unicorn, after Ace Ray complains about Rhymey's rhyming, Rhymey protests that his rhyming is perfectly natural, capping it off with this couplet.
Shiho: Miho isn't a Nishizumi, she doesn't act as one and is a disgrace to the family name- (Akio barges in)
Akio: The only one here that’s a disgrace here is you, Nishizumi.
In Frozen Hearts, Prince Harald, on the losing side of a debate involving his brothers, complains about the majority's decision.
Harald: If our kingdom falls… it will be due to all of you. Remember that.
Heins: No, if our kingdom falls, it will be due to you, Harald!
In Necessary To Win, this happens in the argument over whether Miho should join the tankery team. Yuzu's less than comfortable about Anzu trying to pressgang Miho into joining, but knows Anzu won't back down, and so tries to defuse the situation. Saori, however, assumes Yuzu thinks Anzu's behavior is acceptable, and protests; Saori's use of this trope is proof that the argument is devolving into a shouting match.
Yuzu: "I...I think it might be best for you to apologize, right?"
Saori: "No, you need to apologize!"
In Soulless Shell, after Leif tricks Arnold into confessing to rape and sentences him to death,.
GLaDOS: "I AM NOT FAT! You are fat! You are disgustingly fat! You're so fat that when you jump into an ocean whales think 'look at that huge fat thing. It must be another whale'. You're the fat one!"
Similarly, after Celestia suggests that "Gladys" might be malfunctioning:
GLaDOS: "I am not malfunctioning. You're malfunctioning. I'm the only one here who's not malfunctioning, which is sad, because it's sad to see a freakish fat tyrant like you malfunction so egregiously."
When Anna learns that Hans has been deceiving her all along, and now that she's going to die from Elsa's freezing curse, Hans is going to kill Elsa.
Anna: You're no match for Elsa.
Prince Hans: No, you're no match for Elsa.
She manages to get Prince Hans back after she saves Elsa from him by making a Heroic Sacrifice, thereby making an act of true love that reverses the curse.
Belle does this on the Beast's behalf in Beauty and the Beast; when Gaston declares the Beast to be a monster, Belle shouts, "He's not the monster, you are!" This causes Gaston, already teetering on the edge of a Villainous Breakdown, to break down completely.
In In Bruges, Harry's wife stops him as he's smashing the phone in frustration. "It's an inanimate fucking object!" "YOU'RE an inanimate fucking object!"
Later, in Return of the Jedi, when Luke told Palpatine he was mistaken to think the Empire would defeat the Rebellion, Palpatine answered, "Oh no, my young Jedi. You will find, that it is you who are mistaken. About a great. Many. Things."
Kíli in The Hobbit shows the emotional range of a seven-year-old when he and the other dwarves mistake Bilbo's claims that the dwarves had parasites to buy them time from being eaten by trolls as Bilbo betraying them.
Kíli: We don't have parasites! You have parasites!
Alex: You've been spending our rent money on Filipino hookers?
Josh: They're not hookers, they're massage therapists.
Mover #2: Yeah, they'll massage your cock for money.
Mover #1: There is a word for that... I think it's hooker!
Josh: You're a hooker!
During the argument in the restaurant between Tony and Elvira in Scarface (1983), Tony flatly accuses her of being stoned. She says "I'm not stoned, you're stoned."
King Roderick: If it pleases me, you shall marry Griswold. Gwendolyne: If it pleases you so much, Father, you marry Griswold!
In Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, Mc Coy tells Admiral Cartwright to "Arrest yourself!" after the Admiral tells someone to arrest the Enterprise crew when they crash the Khitomer Conference. Then, Spock shows him Valeris, revealing that he's now busted for trying to ruin the conference.
Minos: "You have no power over me. I am the lord of the spirits! The ghost king!"
Nico: No. I am
In the Warrior Cats novel The Last Hope, the heroic Brambleclaw has captured his treacherous brother Hawkfrost. Ivypool, Hawkfrost's former apprentice, calls him a traitor, and it shows just how out of it Hawkfrost is when he, the largest ham in the series and eternal master of banter, can only reply with, "You're the traitor."
The Janitor: Really? (takes out a globe) Point to Iraq.
J.D.: Why do you keep a globe on you janitor cart?
The Janitor: In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint. It's not the country shaped like a boot.
J.D.: (points to a country) That's Iraq.
The Janitor: That's China.
J.D.: You're China! (walks away)
The Janitor: ...That's an outrageous accusation.
Happens with Denise and Drew. "You're a pretty girl!"
One episode had JD claim the ultimate comeback is "So's your face".
Whilst in Africa for an epic road trip, the Top Gear boys put on some local clothing to protect themselves from the dust, and mockery ensues:
May: [to Hammond] You look like a gay cowboy and [to Clarkson] you look like a gay terrorist. Clarkson: No, you look like a terrorist. With a broken windscreen wiper. And your face is ridiculous.
Comes up now and then on How I Met Your Mother, usually just to dismiss someone rather than in response to an actual insult: "You're a 'big sustainable growth'!" (in response to Marshall claiming the gang will start liking all his charts again) or "You're a 'tropical depression'!" (in response to Ted trying to get the gang to take the hurricane warning seriously)
One of the reasons Matt from Primeval is often viewed as The Scrappy is because his comebacks and self-justifications when challenged are always kinda lame. This culminated in the following exchange between Matt and Designated Villain Philip.
Philip: Look around you, Matt. The world didn't end. You were wrong.
Matt:You were wrong. You.
Quoth Michael Westen, to a criminal he just went up to yelling and pretending to be the boss of the dirty cops the guy has on the payroll, upon being asked whether "he's crazy or something?": "No, you're the one who's crazy. You're the one standing around, after letting your truck get stolen from your parking lot. You know, the one with the ecstacy lab inside?"
In one episode of The Suite Life on Deck, Woody gets addicted to a simulation game called Better Life(presumably a spoof of Second Life).
Woody: I was about to go down to Zack's Better Life arcade. I'm going for the highest score in virtual virtual bowling!
Cody: Don't tell me you're into that stupid fake world too.
Woody: You're stupid!!
In an episode of That '70s Show, the boys travel across the Canadian border to buy beer but are stopped by Mounties on their way back when Fez is suspected of being an illegal immigrant, and they are each individually questioned. Leo responds to his entire interrogation with this trope:
In Game of Thrones "The Lion and The Rose", Jaime tells Ser Loras that Cersei will likely murder him after their marriage. Ser Loras retorts with an epicburn.
Jaime: Luckily for you, none of this will happen, because you'll never marry her.
Viscount De Valvert: Base scoundrel! Rascally flat-footed lout! Cyrano: (taking off his hat, and bowing as if the viscount had introduced himself) Ah? And I, Cyrano Savinien Hercule de Bergerac.
In Drood one character responds to "You're next to an idiot!" (meaning, "nearly an idiot") by saying "Why, so I am, pleased to meet you!"
Saddler: Perhaps you are disillusioned with overconfidence just because you killed my small-time subordinate?
Leon: Saddler... you're small-time.
It should be noted that on certain Image Boards, the lameness of this comeback has undergone such a Memetic Mutation that it is in fact now a grievous insult.
Desmond:{In a Joisey accent) Hey wassa-matta-you, Altaďr?
Rebecca: That's racist.
Desmond:YOU'RE racist!note At this point they'd been hiding in the Assassin Sanctuary for weeks, not allowed to go outside for more than 10 minutes, and they were starting to get a little crazy.
In the Borderlands 2 DLC Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep, when Tina summons an aristocrat to reference Mordecai's favorite show, Brick (a fan of a different series) is less than impressed.
Brick: "Oh my god, this show sounds STUPID."
Mordecai: "YOU'RE STUPID!"
In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, the normally fairly quick tongued Carl Johnson comes off looking brilliant when he first meets Cesar and some of his friends.
Azteca: I think he thinks he's gangsta, and he should fuck off.
Carl: No, you fuck off.
In the original version of You Don't Know Jack, if a contestant typed in Fuck you as an answer to the Gibberish Question, the host would chide the contestant for entering that answer with "Fuck me? No - Fuck YOU!
Walker: You did this. Conrad: No. You did. Your orders killed forty-seven innocent people. Someone has to pay for your crimes, Walker. Who is it going to be?
In World of Warcraft, in the Brawler's Guild, after a brawl, sometimes an Angry Brawl Enthusiast who lost a bet will say "I LOSE? NO, YOU LOSE!" before attacking any players nearby.
In Dangan Ronpa, Hagakure does this when he's initially suspected in the fourth trial.
Marik: Hey, shut up [Melvin], you don't know anything about me! Bakura: Marik, he IS you. Marik: He is the gay one! Bakura: Marik, HE'S YOU! Marik: ...He is the gay one!
And another example:
Johnny: Are you ready to lose to Johnny Steps? Tea: You are the one who is going to lose! Johnny: You're going to be so embarrassed, you'll wish you never stepped on my stage! Tea: You are the one who is going to be embarrassed!
And yet another example, from Marik Plays Bloodlines:
Marik: Oh, hey, it's one of those things, ah, what do you call them... something-waiter...uh, Bakura: Dumb. Marik: You're dumb! Bakura: No, the word for it is dumb! Marik: The word for YOU is dumb! Bakura: No, no, Marik! The thing you are in right now is called a dumb-waiter! Marik: You're the dumb waiter!
BM: What did you think I meant every time I said I was going to burn the world? RM: Who cares? Thief: Yeah, you're a weiner. You couldn't burn a match. BM: Yeah, well... Your face... is ugly... Shut up!
Poggle the Lesser: You are sentenced to death by firing squad. Padmé: No, you're sentenced to death by firing squad! Poggle the Lesser: No, actually you are. Padmé: The defence rests.
Bobeyes: OGEE! That was! Mine! You! What! Why?! OGEE! City Face: Look, there is plenty left, strange shouty magpie, you can have some it is really quite good! Bobeyes: No! You!
Deithard: "Oh, it's you two idiots. What do you want?"
Jeremiah: "You're the idiot." I am so good at come backs.
In Team Four Star's Halo: Reach LP they discuss the concept of Space Europe which is shot down with "it's a massive land", to which Kaiser Neko responds: "No, you're a massive land."
This is how the 2chShift-JIS cat Mona came to be. One poster created a word art image of a cat saying "You people have too much free time." Another poster copied the image and changed the phrase to "So do you!" (Japanese: "Omae mo naa!" hence the name) and things kinda snowballed from there.
Ultra Fast Pony combines this with Prince Blueblood's Shatner-esque speech patterns, to odd effect.
Blueblood: I believe that goes against... several, safety regulations! Rarity: Shut up. Blueblood: No! ... You!
In Jiz, Jiz and Rio are having an argument about letting the abortion-happy Jiz carry one to term.
Jiz: Look, why're you being a douche right now?
Rio:You're the fucking douche, you fucking whore cunt!
During their first battle in Vaguely Recalling JoJo, Hol Horse calls Polnareff an unflattering nickname, and then Polnareff calls Horse a variation of that nickname.
In "Welcome to Republic City" Korra is not that good with the verbal wit when engaging a member of the local Muggle Power movement.
Protestor:Benders like this girl only use their power to oppress us! Korra: What? I'm not oppressing anyone! You're—You're oppressing yourselves! Protestor:That didn't even make sense!
In "The Spirit of Competition", an unhappy Bolin gets one, but he has the excuse of being "drunk" on his Comfort Food:
Mako: I told you that dating a teammate was a bad idea. Bolin:You're a bad idea!
News Reporter:...a question being asked by the poorly educated, with fingers far from the pulse of the community. Randal:You're poorly educated! Dante:You're talking to the television.
Towelie, whenever he's stoned (which is most of the time) and someone points out the fact that he is a towel. Every episode he appears in has one of these exchanges:
Towelie: Don't call me stupid! You're stupid! Someone: Oh yeah? Well, you're a towel. Towelie:You're a towel!
Steven McTowelie is on "Larry King Live" promoting his book "A Million Little Fibers", when the program is interrupted by a special report from GeraldoRivera:
Geraldo: Larry, this brave reporter has spent days investigating and researching and I have come up with a shocking discovery that is going to rock the balls and ass of the literary world... Steven McTowelie, author of "A Million Little Fibers"... is a towel!
From "Springfield Up", when Bart and Lisa are riding dolphins.
Bart: Mine has a cup holder.
Lisa: Bart, that's a blowhole!
Bart:You're a blowhole!
From "Bart the Mother", when the bird eggs Bart has been caring for turn out to be lizard eggs. Bart still insists that they're birds, so Lisa retorts:
Lisa: One, they don't have beaks. Two, they don't have feathers and three, they're lizards!
Bart: You're a lizard!
In "Dial N For Nerder", Martin Prince finds a fake fossil Bart buried.
From the Futurama episode "War is the H Word" Zapp Brannigan is punishing Fry for cowardice in battle, so he asks Kif to name the most humiliating job possible. Kif, of course, replies "Being your assistant", to which Zapp immediately replies, "No, being your assistant!" Surprisingly for this trope, Zapp turns out to actually be onto something with that, as, while Kif isn't the amoral, imbecilic Man Child that Brannigan is, he does have a lot of pent-up anger and frustration, which he spends the rest of the episode unleashing on Fry.
In Justice League's first season, the team finally manages to bring down Luthor once and for all by pulling a sting using the Martian Manhunter's shapeshifting abilities. After the ruse is revealed and the evidence has been gathered, Manhunter remarks "It's the end of an era," to which Luthor replies "The end of your era, maybe" before attempting to kill them.
Later, an argument between the two ends up taking an unexpected direction.
Moredecai: You're a turd. Rigby: No, you're the turd! Mordecai: You're the turd! Rigby:You're the turd! Pops: Mordecai, Rigby, stop! We can all be turds! Skips: I wish you guys wouldn't teach him words like that.
In "Portable Toilet", when Mordecai and Rigby are trapped inside a portable toilet, Rigby's Claustrophobia kicks in:
Rigby: We're gonna starve before they find us! Why did you eat the whole sandwich?! You should of saved some just in case! Mordecai: Dude that makes no sense. Rigby: You makes no sense! (pounds on the door and screams)Help, I'm trapped in here with a crazy person!
In American Dad! Roger wants to walk around without a disguise, but Stan won't let him. Roger insists that there has to be a way for him to do it without blowing his cover.
Stan: Listen to me, Roger, it is never going to happen.
Roger:You're never going to happen!
In Bob's Burgers episode "Art Crawl", Louise trades this back and forth with an old man for a few lines: "You smell like ointment and pee!"
In Mike Tyson Mysteries, when the gang are trying to decide what mystery to solve:
In the Veggie Tales In The House episode, "Getting Angry," Larry claims his stinky cheese was in the running for World's Stinkiest Cheese, according to The Stinkological Institute:
Bob: That sounds made up. Larry: You sound made up!
Real Life
Done hilariously by Boris Yeltsin. After a meeting with President Clinton, both stood outside to address the press. Yeltsin decided to answer previous press reports that the meeting was going to be a disaster. Yeltsin replied, "Well now for the first time I can tell you, that you're a disaster." Cue Clinton laughing like a hyena. note This was actually slightly mistranslated. What Yeltsin said in Russian should more accurately be translated as, "You have failed." But maybe the translator thought that wasn't as funny.
In a more serious case of it, in 2014, Republican Texas Governor Richard "Rick" Perry was indicted on charges of abuse of power and coercion of a public officer (read, indicted not convicted) by the Texas State Grand Jury, located in primarily-democratic Travis County. The next day, he issued his statement regarding the incident, in which he said "This indictment is the abuse of power here." And that's all we're going to say about it.