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Though not by any definition particularly heroic, these are the protagonists of the story. They mainly consist of Ebony and goffic versions of the main characters of Harry Potter. They are distinguished from the rest of the world by subscribing to tastes in clothes, music, and other such things that the author likes. In reality, most of the "goffik" things are in fact not gothic in nature (usually instead being emo or completely unrelated). Thus, the difference between "da real goffs" and "posers" are completely arbitrary.Tropes present in more or less all goffs:
- Dark is Not Evil: The author's intention (if she isn't a troll), which she failed miserably at considering they are generally Always Chaotic Evil.
- Darkness von Gothickname: Evidently, no self-respecting "goff" would go around with names like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. So we get names such as Vampire, Diabolo, and B'loody Mary.
- Emo Teen: What they end up being in practice. They spend most of their time moping around, contemplating self-harm, committing self harm, and occasionally trying to talk each other out of self-harm.
- Everyone Is Bi: Or at least the guys are.
- Goth: Are pretty much the Lone Psycho type at its possible worst. Whether the author intended it or not.
- Hollywood Satanism: Represented by gratuitous pentagrams in fashion and the use of "oh my Satan" as an exclamation. It's also consistently spelled as "Stanism."
- Our Vampires Are Different: Generally varies among them. Enoby is seemingly an actual vampire (see below), while Vampire Potter is just a guy pretending to be one.
- Self-Harm: Cutting specifically. Portrayed in a variety of manners, from the thoroughly stereotypical to the downright bizarre ("OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry).
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
The main character of the story. A Mary Sue pastiche (if you subscribe to the theory that this is in fact a parody fic, rather than something entirely serious), she spends the fic going to Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance concerts and doing it with Draco. She has long, ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips, icy blue eyes "like limpid tears" (even when they've mysteriously turned red) and only wears clothing from Hot Topic. Also the lead vocalist of a band named Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Often cries and slits her wrists, although this can't kill her, as she is a vampire.Tropes associated with Ebony:
- Alpha Bitch: She acts a lot like this, being generally rude, snotty, and followed around faithfully by a clique of other "goffik" people. It's a strange case in which the Alpha Bitch is the main protagonist.
- Anti-Hero: Nothing good she does is ever done for the right reason.
- Anything That Moves: Though she's more of a slut towards guys; her bisexuality is an Informed Trait.
- Author Avatar: If it's not a parody.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: Even Voldemort can't take Ebony in a fight, but it's highly irregular for her to actually do anything useful.
- Byronic Hero: A rare female example, Ebony is nevertheless a brooding social outcast, often described as attractive, and spawns most of the drama in the story.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Typically her first line of defense when confronted by a physical threat (or a situation not going her way). Or anything, really.
- Disproportionate Retribution: When she and Britney have a confrontation, Britney makes a few off-hand remarks and mocks Enoby. What does Enoby do in response? Use a curse to torture her.
- Granted, Britney did free Snap, Loopin and Hargrid free from "Azkabian."
- A more extreme example: When Ebony and "Satan" are making out while taking each others' clothes off and someone tells them that they can't do that (since they're watching a movie in public), Ebony drains her blood.
- Interestingly, though, the author seems to try to justify the murder, claiming beforehand that the woman was a prep out of nowhere.
- Dude Magnet: "Everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me. Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?"
- Fan Hater: Ebony's hatred of "preps". As far as she's concerned, anyone who doesn't wear black, shop at Hot Topic and listen to the emo bands she likes, is obviously a Hilary Duff fangirl who wears pink and shops at Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, even the male characters considered "preps" are essentially Hilary Duff fangirls.
- Goth: Seems to think she is.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: She gets ticked off very easily, even by her friends. When she doesn't start crying Tears of Blood, that is.
- Hypocrite: She talks enthusiastically about how hot gay guys are, then accuses Draco of having AIDS (or "AIDs") when she thinks he's cheated on her with Vampire. Tara also insults the reviewers by calling them "gay fags".
- She claims to not be a slut, yet she has an orgy in the penultimate chapter.
- Snap and Loopin take footage of her naked. This is treated as wrong. When Snap and Loopin are naked and having sex in the hallway (while Dobby is watching!), she takes a picture and threatens to blackmail them with it. This is not treated as wrong (though to be fair, A Taste of Their Own Medicine rarely is).
- She has been cheating on Draco on a number of occasions, and no one really cares when she does. But when Draco did that with Vampire, she instantly chews him out, calls him a "fuker" and everyone backs her up on this. Double Standard, indeed.
- I Have Many Names: Let's see... Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, Enoby Nut Marry Su OK, Enoby, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way, just to name a few.
- Icy Blue Eyes: "like limpid tears..."
- Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: After wasting gazillion bullets on Snap and Loopin, Ebony only damaged the lens of their camera.
- Inexplicably Awesome: Ebony has no Backstory — she might just as well have fallen out of the sky and landed on Hogwarts grounds just before the start of the first chapter.
- Informed Attribute: Draco mentions once that she's bisexual, despite her showing no sexual interest in girls throughout the whole story.
- Informed Ability: She is too good at too many things, but it's never shown what she is good at. In Chapter 22, it is revealed she is also the only person who can kill Voldemort, but after this reveal, nothing is shown on why she is the chosen one. The only place she actually does anything is in bed with someone else.
- It's All About Me: What little coherent characterization and dialogue is present paints Ebony as unbelievably self-centered.
- Jerkass: She's prone to swearing up a storm and Flipping the Bird on a whim towards... just about anyone, really.
- Kaleidoscope Eyes: Probably unintentional. In Chapter 22, her eyes are "crimson", yet three chapters later they're back to "icy blue". It's possible she wears crimson contacts like the boys, though.
- Large Ham
- Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Draco's room is all well and good. The Forbidden Forest probably borders the very outer limits of "normal". But a classroom where a class is in session just isn't the right place to make love.
- She later does it in a coffin.
- There are also two brief incidents which are overlooked due to the Negative Continuity which occurs right after them. At one point in Chapter 12, Ebony and Vampire find each other in a crowded Hogwarts hallways and, according to Enoby, "jumped on each other and started screwing each other." They stop when Professor McGoggle yells at them. In Chapter 38, when Enoby and Satan are on their date at the movies, she actually begins to write it out like a typical My Immortal sex scene in a crowded theater until a woman interrupts them. After that, they just leave the theater, Tara apparently forgetting about the clothes they took off and never put back on.
- Meaningful Name: Besides the Ebony Dark'ness stuff, she (and the story) clearly lives up to the "Dementia" part.
- Mood-Swinger: Made all the more... interesting by Tara's Beige Prose hardly ever giving a clue as to why she, for example, suddenly becomes very angry, even though it's written in first person.
- Our Vampires Are Different: The only effects her vampirism seems to have are her immunity to bullets and her habit of drinking blood. She says she can be killed by a steak and a "c-r-o-s-s", but at another point in the story seems to forget about the cross and wears cross earrings.
- Overdrawn at the Blood Bank: Slits her wrists roughly every three chapters with no apparent ill effects. Maybe all the blood she drinks makes up for it?
- Overly Long Name
- Psychic Powers: Has rather useless visions and can send "telepathetic massages" using her vampire powers.
- Punctuation Shaker: Assuming the apostrophe in her name is meant to be there and isn't a comma that died of despair in the previous line.
- Remember the New Guy: Most of the Harry Potter characters appear to have met Ebony sometime prior to the story. Word Of Satan even tries to explain why Draco is Out of Character by saying that he already knew her. Oddly, averted with Harry himself, creating one of many continuity problems (apparently, Harry was in her "goff" band before they first met).
- So Beautiful, It's a Curse: "Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" It doesn't help that her actual physical description makes her sound rather unattractive.
- Tears of Blood: Cries these around once per chapter, on average.
- Weaksauce Weakness: Supposedly, she can't even spell out the word "c-r-o-s-s". She can apparently also be killed by steak.
- Yaoi Fangirl: "bi guyz r sooo sexah!11"
Ebony's boyfriend and Harry, err... Vampire's ex-boyfriend. He's timid, sensitive, and as big of a goff as Enoby. Constantly worries about her leaving him and seeks her reassurance that she'll stay with him about once every three seconds. Once burst into one of Enoby's classes completely naked. Obviously Out of Character.Tropes associated with Draco:
- Bi the Way: Was in a relationship with Vampire before hooking up with Enoby.
- Bound and Gagged: Implied (VOLFEMORT HAS HIM BONDAGE!)
- Cool Car: A flying black Mercedes-Benz (with the number 666 on the license plate).
- Draco in Leather Pants: A literal example, when he actually wears pants.
- Driven to Suicide: Twice, apparently. The first time, after Voldemort's first appearance, he gets mad at Enoby for not telling her about it. The second time, after Snap did it with him, Enoby doesn't show him sympathy. He gets better after both times with no explanation.
- Fantastic Racism: Probably the only trait he has that's remotely in character.
- Gag Penis: He's hung like a Stallone.
- Seme: To "Vampire"'s Uke. Though given how both of them seem to cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time...
- Shrinking Violet: Very shy compared to the source material to the point where it goes into straight up Moe territory.
- Unexplained Recovery: Inexplicably reappears in the story after Dumbledore says that he's dead. Twice. The first time it appears that Volfemort has him bondage. The second time he just appears when Ebony is looking for him.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: Seems to be capable of it in Chapter 15, in which he apparently infiltrates Ebony's advanced Biology class disguised as a pentagram (yes, really) who then proceeds to turn into a black guitar, and then back to his usual form.
- He's also turned into a door once.
Harry "Vampire" PotterBisexual goff who's Drago's ex-boyfriend and Ebony's "friend". Replaced his scar with a pentagram which he covers up with foundation. Does not seem to care about killing Volxemort anymore. In fact, his primary concern now seems to be the bizarre Love Triangle he's in with Enoby and Drako. On the one hand, Enoby is torn between the two of them and both are attracted to her. On the other, Darko and "Vampire" are also attracted to each other which Enoby finds hot. Note how although this triangle causes a great deal of Wangst, there is literally no way Ebony can lose. Oh, and Enoby also stole the chosen one position he had in the books. Again, OOC.Tropes Associated With "Vampire"
- Awesome McCoolname
- Bi the Way: Has relationships with both Draco and Ebony.
- Cool Car: Oddly enough, he has a flying black car, too.
- Dogged Nice Guy: A possible interpretation of him.
- Manly Tears: Subverted. Not only is he crying and slitting his wrists all the time, he also cries when Snoop is about to torture him. Remember, men never cry out of fear.
- Perma-Stubble: "He had a manly stubble on his chin."
- Uke: To Draco's Seme. Though given how both of them cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time....
- Vampire Vannabe: He's not actually a vampire. He just "love[s] the taste of human blood".
B'loody Mary Smith (Theoretically Hermione Granger)Another one of Ebony's goffik friends. Often makes use of Gratuitous Japanese, particularly the word kawaii (or kawai, rather). She moved to Slytherin after she converted Satanism, which was presumably when she decided to name herself after a cocktail. OOC. (Note, her name is pronounced "Buh-loody")Tropes associated with "B'loody Mary":
- Gratuitous Japanese: She comes over as a way for Tara to demonstrate of her bad knowledge of Japanese.
- She greets Enoby with "hajimemashite" - you wouldn't say this to someone you've known for a while and are good friends with. It's an introductory greeting.
- "Kawai" would probably be pronounced closer to the word "kowai", which means scary.
- In-Name-Only: The real Hermione is a bookworm, obsessed with getting good grades, and is someone who is clearly her own person. In My Immortal, she doesn't touch a single book and is almost scared when Enoby assumes she is a prep.
- Although when she confesses to killing Willow (and Loopin then doing it with her body), her emphasis on Willow's being expelled as more important is a hilarious moment of actually being in-character.
- Our Vampires Are Different: She's appearently either a vampire or "evil".
WillowEbony's bisexual goffik friend and an avatar for the author's best friend Raven. Is randomly killed off half way through following an argument between Tara and Raven, but comes back with no explanation as soon as Tara and Raven patch things up. Likes speaking Gratuitous Japanese. Probably the only character whose name is spelled consistently throughout.Tropes associated with Willow
- Author Avatar: For Raven, who is supposedly a co-writer and editor for the story.
- Out of Focus: Was originally Ebony's best friend. Later chapters have this role given to B'loody Mary.
- Real Life Writes the Plot: Her getting expelled from Hogwarts and then being killed off was the result of a spat between Raven and Tara. Then they made up and Willow comes back.
- Unexplained Recovery: As stated above, Willow's unexplained revival one chapter after being murdered and having her corpse screwed.
- Out of Focus: Diabolo shows up early on as Ebony's bandmate and gets a couple appearances, but never actually does anything and more or less gets forgotten about later on.
Navel/Nevel "Dracula" LongbottomGoff who first appears in Chapter 17. Turns out, he was adopted and his real parents were vampires who dyed in a car crash. Because of that, he turned to "Stanism". On two occasions, his name is misspelled as Dracola. OOC.
Ginny, Sedric, Fred and GorgeAll make brief, inexplicable cameos. It's not clear if Ginny and the above-mentioned Jenny are supposed to be the same person. Sedric isn't actually in the story proper, but is mentioned in an author's note in which Tara confusedly refers to him as though he had been in the previous chapter. She appears to have gotten him confused with Hagrid.
Tom RidDespite the name, this is apparently not an incarnation of Voldemort. He is a shop assistant (in a 'goffik' shop, of course) who befriends Ebony & co, and who keeps certain items of clothing hidden under the desk so that only the real 'goffs', and not the 'posers', can get them for free. We're betting he doesn't have any idea how capitalism is supposed to work. He makes only a couple of appearances, and then Tara seems to forget about him completely.
The story has several references to punks/punxs. According to Tom Satan's statements, they seem to be allies of the goffs against the preps.
Vlodemort and da Death Deelers
Da Death Deelers are a group of villains who serve Voldemort in his evil schemes. And their most evil plan in My Immortal is to force Ebony to kill Vampire Potter. They even hijacked two MCR concerts that Ebony attended, just so that Voldemort can yell at her for not participating in his plan. Voldemort's main Death Deelers are Snap, Loopin and Snaketail.The Death Deelers may, or may not, bear any similarity to the Death Eaters from Harry Potter canon.
- A Good Name for a Rock Band: OOU example; dramatic readings often comment on "Vlodemort and da Death Dealers". That they first show up disguised as My Chemical Romance doesn't help.
- Death Dealer: Geddit? Averted since they don't use cards as weapons.
- Latex Perfection: The masks they wear to disguise themselves as members of My Chemical Romance.
- Master of Disguise: Voldemort and his flunkies successfully disguise themselves as Gerard Way and company on at least two occasions.
Voldemort/Tom Satan BombodilThe Big Bad of the story. His Evil Plan is to make Enoby kill Vampire by giving her a gun and telling her to shoot him. If she doesn't, Voldemort will kill Draco, but he doesn't really follow through with the threat. He spends the entire story trying to make Ebony kill Vampire, even when he simply could kill the guy himself. He also, for some reason, speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. He's also seems to be a Star Wars fan, since in one chapter he dresses like "Darth Valer".In his youth, he was called Tom "Satan" Bombodil / Andorson. Ebony travels back in time to seduce him into loving her so that Voldemort would be less evil. And it's revealed Tom Bombodil is also a goff. And he has a goffic band called XBlakXTearX consisting of Lucian, Serious Blak, James Potter and Snap. They all went to school ... in the 1980s. Tom also knows everything that will happen in the future despite not overtly having any divining ability. When the Dumblydore of the past wants to punish him and Ebony for being Satanists, they quickly jump into Ebony's time machine and end up in the present. Here, Tom Satan Bombodil changes into his future incarnation, Voldemort, and teams up with Snap and Loopin to kill Ebony. Obviously OOC.Tropes associated with Voldemort:
- Badass in a Nice Suit: As Tom: "He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans."
- Big Bad: Theoretically. He doesn't actually do anything except show up, yell at Enoby, then leave.
- Bi the Way: His younger self was in love with Hedwig (who is here a goffic blonde bi guy, not an owl), and has no qualms about having sex with Draco and Harry. Doubles as Depraved Bisexual because it was adult!Voldemort all along.
- Composite Character: Played straight in that the Bark Lord and "Tom Bombadil" are the same people, and inverted by making Tom Rid (see above) a different character.
- Cool Car: Tom "Satan" Bombadil/Andorson (Voldemint's past self) owns a car that looks just like Darko's (which Ebony comments on in the narrative).
- Creepy Crossdresser: In one chapter, it is stated that Ebony could "hear his high heels clacking".
- Curb-Stomp Battle: He got wrecked by Ebony self-made curse "Crookshanks" despite having her under imperius.
- Face–Heel Turn: Went from being a "goff" to a "prep", which is this in Ebony's world.
- Although just how 'prep' he is in the present is debatable - although he wears all in black and high heels, it's obvious that "he wasn't gothic", is apparently a scary, which appears to be a 'goffik' trait (""OMG you guys are like so scary!" said Britney" [sic]), cries tears of blood and has a tragic past in which his "hearth" is "borken", he's still a prep by Enoby's standards. It becomes something of a Necessary Weasel - the reader can see that Voldemort is 'dark' and therefore a good candidate for goth-hood, but the author/Enoby calls him a prep because he is the Big Bad, and preps are the ultimate form of evil.
- Harmless Villain: In the fic itself, he only threatens Ebony, but does not follow up on his threats.
- Knife Nut: After his second attempt to infiltrate the MCR concert Vlodemort threats the heros with the knife instead of magic.
- Loophole Abuse: Appereantly in this fic Voldemort is still afraid of Dumbledore, so he procedes with his plan just without looking at him.
- Love Makes You Evil: "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"
- Offstage Villainy: The only person he's killed is Hermione's mother and that was in a bit of redundant backstory.
- Psychic Powers: He hath telekinesis, which lets him read minds.
- Sophisticated as Hell: Although he speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, he also gets a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on his face.
- Villain Exit Stage Left: Most of his appearances result in him running or flying away on his broom.
- Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" His past self, Tom Bombodil, does not possess this weird trait, but instead talks in the same broken English Ebony and co use.
- The Worf Effect: Like in the books, he is a notorious dark lord of sorcery. Everyone's terrified of him and insist convoluted time-travel schemes are the only way to defeat him, though he never seems to prove his threatening reptuation and gets his ass kicked multiple times, mainly by newcomer Ebony. Shouting "Crookshanks" is enough to completely incapacitate him.
Snap and LoopinSnap and Loopin are the main lackeys of Voldemort. Their main plan seems to be recording a videotape of Ebony taking a bath, which they can use to blackmail her into killing Vampire. If she refuses, they will spread the tape around the school. Ebony calls them pedophiles, but they didn't do any act related to pedophilia (see below). They are also gay lovers who enjoy "doin it" in the open. Apparently supposed to be the characters Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, but bear no resemblance to them on even a superficial level.Snap seems to be the leader of the duo and comes up with most of their plans. Snap also operates solo multiple times in the fic. When Ebony travels 'back in tim', Snap is revealed to have been a close friend of Serious, Lucian, James Potter and Voldemort/Tom 'Satan' Bombodil. But he betrayed them by possessing James and causing him to shoot off Lucian's arm, which Ebony prevented when she encountered them in the past. Loopin is more of a follower and enjoys masticating to stuff.Tropes associated with them:
- A Date with Rosie Palms: "And Loopin was masticating to it!". 'Masticating' means chewing.
- Adaptational Villainy: Loopin/Lupin in particular. He definitely wasn't a "pedofile" or "necphilak" in canon.
- Animal Motifs: Snake for Snap and elephant for Loopin.
- Anything That Moves: And, in Loopin's case, some things that don't.
- Bad Boss: Snap was stated to be "boss" in past goffs band. It didn't stopped him from possessing himself and forcing Samoro to shoot off Lucian's arm.
- Butt Monkey: Loopin seems to be this. A good example is when he is tortured for something that only Snap was guilty for.
- Cardboard Prison: No matter how many times they are sent away to St. Mango's or Abkhazian, they keep coming back.
- Composite Character: Inverted with Snoop in Chapter 30. Apparently his name is just "Snape" (when it's spelled right) and there's a completely different guy named "Serverus", who was probably supposed to be Sirius.
- Demonic Possession: When Ebony travels into the past, James Samaro Potter attempts to shoot Lucian's arm off with a knife. Later, Tara tried to imply Snap made James do this by possessing him, but she actually made James say Snap was possessing himself.
- Depraved Bisexual: Both of them are into Enoby, Draco and Vampire (and, of course, each other), are (supposed) pedophiles, and Loopin appearently likes to rape corpses. Yet, in spite of all of that, the only reason Enoby doesn't find them hot is because they're preps, and Loopin is shocked at Enoby's foursome. Says a lot more about the heroes' sexual depravity than theirs', honestly.
- The Dragon: Snap is this to Vlodemort.
- Evil Duo
- Harmless Villains: They spend more time doing it with each other in the Great Hall (With Dobby watching!) than anything else, and only seem to pose a serious threat on one occasion.
- I Love the Dead: Loopin is allegedly a "necphilak", though it's unclear whether he actually did screw Willow's corpse because Willow appears unharmed in the next chapter.
- In-Name-Only: Snape and Loopin are constantly called preps by Ebony, even though neither of them wear preppy clothing or listen to preppy music.
- Informed Attribute: A single author's note tells us that Snape/Snake/Snap/Snoop/Snipe's a Christian, but the idea is never mentioned or hinted at again.
- Informed Flaw: Ebony calls them pedophiles, but since she's seventeen and therefore A) not biologically a child and B) over the age of consent, which is sixteen in the UK, their perving on her, while reprehensible, is not pedophilia and they show no hints of actual pedophilia at any point. Plus there's the fact that, in the Potterverse, under wizarding law the age of adulthood is seventeen.
- Made of Iron: Snape and Loopin are barely fazed when shot a gazillion times by Ebony; indeed, Snap's minor hand injury in the aftermath of the skirmish is attributed to Dumbleydore's wand.
- Matryoshka Object: Snap possessing himself.
- The Mole: Snap when he was a "poser".
- The Snack Is More Interesting: Loopin prefers to "masticate" while Snap videotapes Ebony in the bath.
- Unholy Matrimony: They're a couple.
- Villainous B.S.O.D.: Snape goes through it when he ran out of factors after Hargrid's confession.
SnaketailThe "fat guy who killed Cedric". He tortures Draco and asks to have sex with Ebony, since "in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok". She stabs him in the heart and he runs around while bleeding to death. In a rare demonstration of continuity, he actually stays dead (or at least isn't mentioned again). Probably based on Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail from the real Harry Potter series, but the only things that indicate this is that he killed Cedric.Tropes associated with Snaketail:
- Big "NO!": Does one upon being stabbed in the heart.
- Bondage Is Bad
- Cruel and Unusual Death: Being stabbed in the heart with a gun qualifies.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Despite being Death Dealer it is clearly stated, that he is not pedophile. Judging from his screams he also hates preps.
- Family-Unfriendly Death: Readers are warned, that this specific chapter will be "scray" though.
- Fat Bastard
- High-Pressure Blood: When he's stabbed, blood pours out "like a fountain".
- Killed Off for Real: As mentioned above, he is about the only character who stays dead after being killed.
- Love at First Sight: He has never seen Enoby before, but in the middle of the fight he has with her and Vampire, he confesses his love towards Ebony. He even went as far to ask Ebony to have sex with him.
- Love Hurts: Literally.
The Black ManPossibly one of the Death Dealers. He makes brief apperance in Ebony's vision, when he shoots Lucian and Serious.Tropes assoiated with The Black Man:
- Angry Black Man
- Cool Car: He has a red one, which he uses to "run away" after hit.
- Expy: Of Blade, since he's black and hunts vampires.
- Kick the Dog: He mercilessly guns down two goffic men despite their pleads.
- Scary Black Man
- Token Minority
- What Happened to the Mouse?: After a brief apperance he is never seen again.
The Mystery of Magic
Another evil faction. Its a mysterious group of wizards that hold alot of power over Hogwarts. They, for example, can and will send anyone they see fit to random places in the Caucasus. The Mystery successfully took over Hogwarts in later chapters by sending Dumblydore and Sinister to the aforementioned region, but after that, the faction disappears from the story without explanation.Most likely based on the Ministry of Magic from the real Harry Potter series.Tropes associated with this faction:
- Lawful Stupid: Well, at least they try to come off as lawful, even if they fail miserably at it.
- Light is Not Good: They are preps, so...
- The Cavalry: Surprisingly. Trevolry mentions off-handedly that he was coming to "help every1" during the climax of the fanfic.
- The Cavalry Arrives Late: What probably would have happened if the fic actually continued, assuming Tara wouldn't have forgotten that he was coming.
- Gender-Blender Name: Played straight and averted. Sometimes he is called Cornelia, but other times he is called Cornelio.
- Hanging Judge: He is not above imprisoning people for having kancer.
- No Indoor Voice: All his lines end in exclamation marks.
- Obligatory Swearing: Especially considering Cornelio's original last name was Fudge, which is often seen as the Goshdangit To Heck version of fuck.
Doris Rumbridge/profesor BridgeAn associate of Cornelia Fudge. She first appears at Hogwarts to yell at Dumbledore that his Alzheimer's is a danger to the school. When Ebony returns from a trip to the past, it appears that Doris Rumbridge became the principal. She also sends Professor Sinister Sinister to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik" and brings Dumbledore back to teach her class (about 15 minutes after he left). Assuming she's supposed to be Dolores Umbridge, doing something remotely nice for Dumbledore is really the only part of this which is out of character. But then again, Dumbledore is evil in this fic (most of the time), so maybe it's in character for her after all.Tropes associated with Doris Rumbridge:
- Culture Police: She sent Professor Sinister to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik".
- Heel–Face Turn: In this fanfiction she appears fully dedicated to helping defeat Voldemort, a far cry from her canon self.
- No Indoor Voice: Whenever she talks, it's in all caps.
- Obstructive Bureaucrat
- Sound-Effect Bleep: Actually says the word "beep" in place of swearing.
This is a fairly neutral group. Sometimes, Enoby and friends get in trouble, so the staff is portrayed as Evil. At other times, they help Enoby in the war against Vlodemort.
Albert DumblydoreThe principal of Hogwarts. He starts out as one of Ebony's enemies by shooting an Atomic F-Bomb at her and Draco for having sex. After that, he is seemingly neutral, since he helps Ebony as many times as he gets in her way. The times he gets in Enoby's way are probably caused by headaches, as mentioned in numerous author's notes. When Voldemort takes over an MCR concert for the second time, Dumblydore turns to the Goff side and saves Ebony and co.After his transition to Goff, he paints the 'Grate Hall' black (but apparently painted it pink first). He also tries to befriend Ebony and the other Goffs, but is shouted at because he is a 'poser' (someone who tries to be Goth, but really isn't). But he's seemingly a good guy from that moment on.When Ebony travels back in time, Albert Dumblydore's hatred for Goffs is much worse than in the present time. It was so bad, that he sent any Goff he saw in the school to Akazaban.Unlike his canon counterpart, this Dumbledore isn't concerned at all about the war between good and evil. He even lets his students rot at the hands of Voldemort if he doesn't like them. He is also quickly intimidated by students who shout at him. Heavily OOC.Tropes associated with Dumbledore
- Atomic F-Bomb: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
- Big "NO!": "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Despite his poser attitude and attempts to impress goffs he is still a hardened, Avril Lavigne loving prep.
- The Corrupter: He "corrupts" Rumbridge in one chapter, whatever that means.
- Dean Bitterman
- Disproportionate Retribution: Dumbledore is willing to leave Draco at Voldemort's mercy, because he always misbehaved in school.
- Evil Laugh: "He laughed in an evil voice."
- Felony Misdemeanor: Ebony and friends are shocked that Dumbledore dares to have different tastes in music than them. And in their minds, this depravity obviously eclipses the number of times he has saved the lives of sympathetic characters.
- Harmless Villain: Spends more time chasing off Vlodemort than anything, and in an Avril Lavigne cape, no less.
- Heel–Face Revolving Door: He's a prep, then a goff, then a poser, then a prep again, then a goff again.
- Hero Antagonist: Once you get over the fact that he's a poser, he's really not that bad a guy.
- Hidden Depths: An accidental example, but he apparently used to play guitar in the 80's since he "shreds" at Enoby and Satan. Either that or he was into snowboarding.
- Incoming Ham: You get 3 guesses as to which line makes him this.
- Jerkass: Only when he has a headache.
- Large Ham: A huge one. Arguably the biggest one in the entire story.
- Light is Not Good: He's an Avril Lavigne-loving prep obsessed with pink, even as a poser. Also a more straight example in his youth than even the other preps, according to the description of his 80's self.
- Mood-Swinger: He goes from "walking in angrily" to "crying wisely" in a second.
- Obligatory Swearing: Again, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
- The Obi-Wannabe: While he gives advices, even sounding 'wisely', they just don't make any sense at all.Albert Dumblydore: U c, Enobby. 2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?
- Unexplained Recovery: His "kancer"(which may be related to his constant headaches) is never mentioned again after he escaped from Abkhazian. And how he managed to do that is also unexplained.
- You Wouldn't Like Me When I Have A Headache: Whenever Albert Dumblydore has a headache, he starts acting like a jerk.
HargridHE MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT HE IS ALSO A SATANIST! In this fanfic, Hargrid goes from the gamekeeper into a Hogwarts student for no clear reason. He also switches sides with each passing appearance. One time, he's a Goff who helps Enoby against evildoers such as Snap and Loopin. The other times, he's a Prep that tries to harass Ebony. OOC either way.Tropes associated with Hargrid:
- Acrofatic: Despite weight of his original counterpart, Hargrid is agile enough to fly on broomstick to the shop or even sneak undetected.
- Adaptational Wimp: In canon, Hagrid is stated as very physically strong and can withstand spells that are deadly to other wizards. Here, Vampire and Draco beat him up sexily.
- Badass Boast: “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
- Heel–Face Revolving Door: Really doesn't know which side he's on. In his first appearance, he's a member of Ebony's band. In his second appearance, he seemingly tries to scare away Snap and Loopin (who are harassing Enoby) by confessing that he is a Satanist. Later in the story, he tries to poison Ebony with an Amnesia potion (probably amortentia potion, which in the real books is a love potion). In the end, he seems to be on Enoby's side again.
- Flying Broomstick: Possesses one of those, but it doesn't seem to fly. That doesn't stop him from using it to run outside.
- Large Ham: Again, “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
- Love Redeems: It was stated,that he was a prep and picked on Ebony and other goffs (despite being member of their band), but when he fell for Ebony he decided to convert to satanism.
- Not Now, Kiddo: His important news are dismissed, because he's just a little Hogwarts student.
- Piss-Take Rap: Sings a "gothic version" of a 50 Cent song at one point.
- Reformed, but Rejected: He genuinely converted to satanism and saved Enoby from Paris Hilton p - video, but is still treated as a prep.
- Stalker with a Crush: For Ebony, of course.
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: HAHRID is not very fond of dumbledoree, calling him liar and mean old man, yet they are both rejected posers and are somewhat forced to work together for some time.
Proffesor Sinister/TrevolryThe only goffik teacher in the school. Professor Sinister a.k.a. Trevolry (the two are inexplicably interchanged for the same character) is a half-Japanese half-Vampire and is Ebony's favorite teacher. The subject she teaches is called Deviation (which is probably meant to be Divination). She is the person who tells Ebony to go back in time to seduce Voldemort. Later on in the story, Professor Sinister gets addicted to "Volxemortserum" and asks Ebony to find a cure for her addiction. Professor Sinister also gets send to Azerbaijan by the Mystery of Magic for being too Gothic but returns at Hogwarts without explanation. OOC and often OON (Out of Name). (The names derive from Professors Sybill Trelawney [Divination] and Aurora Sinistra [Astronomy].Tropes associated with Professor Sinister/Trevolry:
- Cardboard Prison: Sending Professor Sinister to Azerbaijan is not a good way to get rid of her.
- Maybe she was going to be imprisoned in Al-Asad's safehouse.
- Composite Character: Of Professors Trelawney and Sinistra.
- Dhampyr: Her mother is a vampire and her father is a human.
- Gratuitous Japanese: The reason Sinister is half-Japanese is probably to justify the use of this trope.
- N-Word Privileges: Because she's a goth, she can call Ebony the c-word and mean it as a term of endearment.
- Sudden Name Change: She is called both "Professor Trevolry" and "Professor Sinister" interchangeably. In Harry Potter, Professors Trelawney and Sinistra are two separate characters, but in the fic it's clearly meant to be the same person.
Professor McGonagallSeems to do little beyond getting mad at Ebony and Draco for Making Love in All the Wrong Places. Thus, actually pretty in-character and an unintentional Audience Surrogate.
- Adaptational Villainy: Besides her personality being essentially just a perpetually yelling teacher, she seems to be in cahoots with Voldemint, as she and Snap collaborated to force Enoby to kill Harry.
- Big, Stupid Doodoo-Head: Using these is her biggest deviation from canon. Just imagine Maggie Smith yelling things like "STOP IT NOW, YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" and "You mediocre dunces!"
- Stern Teacher: As in canon, though her Hidden Depths seem to have been eliminated.
Mr. Norris and Filch the catThe "janitor", who owns a cat named Filth/Filch. Mr. Norris apparently is able to see when people hide under invisibility cloaks. The cat might actually be in character. That or Filth/Filch is a human crawling on all fours and meowing and Mr. Norris is a talking cat. One or the other.(Note: In canon, the caretaker is Argus Filch and his cat is named Mrs. Norris.)Tropes associated with Mr. Norris and Filch the cat:
- Cats Are Mean: Filch the cat helps Mr. Norris discover where Enoby and Vampire are hiding.
- Crusty Caretaker: Tara tried to imply this with Mr. Norris, but since Vampire calls him a "preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich", the act of maintaining his grumpy mood is justified.
- Super Senses: As mentioned above, invisibility cloaks don't work properly when Mr. Norris is around.
Professor SlutbornThe Potions teacher in the '80s. Presumably based on Professor Horace Slughorn from the real books, but is described as a tall gothic man with long hair, instead of short and obese with a bald head like the real character. This makes him OOL (out of look). He makes too short of an appearance to really prove how much OOC he is.
The NurseThe school nurse. She's frequently seen tending to Egogy in the hospital wing, where she frequently winds up after silting her wrists or getting hurt during one of her misadventures. Presumably based on Madam Pomfrey from the books, but it's hard to tell how in-character she is because she's never named and has no dialogue.Tropes associated with the Nurse:
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep"/No Name Given: She's only ever referred to as the nurse.
- The Medic
- School Nurse
- The Voiceless
- Took a Level in Badass: An accidental example, but she is once reffered as the Norse.
DobbyMakes a brief appearance watching "Snake" and "Loopin" do it, then runs away when Snape and Lupin see Enoby. This is his only appearance in the whole fic. He is also one of the rare characters whose name is spelled correctly throughout the fic.Tropes associated with Dobby:
- Innocent Bystander: He doesn't seem to be involved in any of the Snake's or Loopin's schemes, but he is there to watch.
The counterparts to the goffs. They seem to be defined by a love for bright, cheery colors and pop music roughly equal to the goth's obsession with the color black and emo stuff.Another type of prep is called the 'poser'. Posers are people who pretend to be Gothic, but are preps (usually they dress semi-"gothic").Tropes associated with preps:
- Light is Not Good: Stereotypical preppy fangirls (yes, even the boys) at heart, they are antagonistic nonetheless. Just not much of a threat as Tara hoped they were.
- Ascended Extra: She was originally The Ghost, then the occasional Butt Monkey, and eventually, she became Ebony's rival.
- Alpha Bitch: She's treated as if she's one, but the reader never actually sees her doing anything really bitchy.
- Butt Monkey: She is generally picked on and abused by everyone. She, of course, deserves this because she has different tastes in music than the main characters and is therefore evil.
- Dumb Blond: According to Draco, but this was probably because Vampire left him for her.
- Informed Flaw: Being a Dumb Blonde, among a lot of the things she's accused of.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Her breaking Snap, Loopin, and Hargrid out of Azkaban.
- The Rival: To Ebony.
- Valley Girl: Sounded like one during a confrontation with Enoby.
Ebony interacts with several other goffs during her time travels to the 1980's.
Serious Blak (alias Hades◊)Unlike Harry's godfather Sirius Black, this man is Harry's "dogfather". Also unlike Sirius, Serious was apparently friends with Snape during their school days considering they were in XBlakXTearX together.
- Ain't Too Proud to Beg: When Black Man shot him and Lucian, they were pleading for their life.
- Everybody Hates Hades: His alias.
- Genius Bruiser: Despite being a hardcore, deprezzed goff, he takes the name of Socrates. Whether or not Tara meant for this to evoke the feeling of "smart" is anyone's guess.
Lucian MalfoyApparently supposed to be based on Lucius Malfoy. In the fic, he's Draco's father and part of XBlakXTearX back in the day. Apparently, had one arm until Ebony changed the past so his other arm didn't get shot off. Needless to say, a good guy in this.Tropes associated with Lucian:
- An Arm and a Leg: Apparently Samoro shot it off with a knife.
- Identical Son: Draco, apparently, given how Enoby mistakes him for Draco at one point when she goes back to the past.
James "Samoro" PotterVampire's father and a member of XBlakXTearX. Slightly overreacted when Lucian played a song wrong by shooting off his arm, though it later turned out he was possessed by Snap at the time. Is nicknamed "Samoro", a masculine version of Samara from The Ring.Tropes associated with James:
- Demonic Possession: Snap was possessing him when he shot Lucian.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Lucian plays a few wrong notes during a concert, and Samoro responds by attempting to shoot off Lucian's arm. But it was later revealed that Snap(e) used Demonic Possession on Samoro to make him do the above, meaning this trope is subverted.
- Improbable Use of a Weapon: He has a knife that is able to shoot. Granted, it could be a ballistic knife.
Hedwig(g)Voldemort's gay lover from the 1980s and the most OOC in the whole story because Hedwig is a female, presumably straight, anti-Voldemort, alive-in-the-1990s owl in the books. This could be a reference to Hedwig and the Angry Inch.Tropes associated with Hedwig:
- Bishōnen: To Ebony. Which is strange, considering that in-universe Hedwig is Harry's female snowy owl.
- Gender-Blender Name: Not to mention that Hedwig is an exclusively female name. Unless you want to argue that it's Fridge Brilliance since a lot of goth artists (or at least commonly associated with them) have female names such as Alice Cooper and especially Marilyn Manson.
- Crossover: With Back to the Future.
- Deus ex Machina: He literally just jumps out from behind a wall and offers to take Ebony forward in time. Yeah.
- In-Name-Only: His only resemblance to the actual Back to the Future character is the association with time travel. And even then, his "tim machine" is "blak" (while the DeLorean is silver) and apparently small enough to carry on his person, eliminating the possibility that he either repainted the DeLorean or is using the Time Train.
Tara GilesbieThe individual who created this mess.Tropes associated with Tara:
- Can't Take Criticism: Her author's notes are more or less temper tantrums thrown at reviewers as she seems to be convinced that she is the next great gothic writer. Yet again she was likely a pre-teen so...
- Cloudcuckoolander: Considering that she came up with this, yes.
- The Cuckoolander Was Right: She correctly guessed that in Deathly Hallows Harry has to let himself be killed, because he is a Horcrux. She's hardly the only person who suspected it, but considering her more surreal ideas about the series, it's impressive.
- The Ditz: If you take the view that the story is a serious work of fiction, as opposed to a Troll Fic.
- Emo Teen
- Giftedly Bad: Judging by the author's notes, she thinks that her story is some sort of literary jewel while reviewers tended to disagree. Assuming this was written seriously, of course.
- Hypocrite: She hates "homophones" yet calls her haters "gay fags".
- She tries to pass off taking Raven's poster as no big deal, yet gets incredibly upset at Raven taking her sweater.
- Multiple-Choice Past: Related to Alternative Character Interpretation above, there have been a number of different people who claimed to be the troll Tara, the real Tara, or to have known her and/or Raven while the story was being written. Though it currently seems impossible to determine which (if any) of these accounts hold any truth.
- Spell My Name with an "S": Gillespie , Gillesbie, etc...
- Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: While her Emo Teen behavior seems typical at first, Fridge Horror kicks in when you realize she was eleven at the time the story was written. While it does explain how immature she comes across in the author's notes, it gets creepy when you realize that she is writing about sex and suicide at an age where she has barely entered middle school.
- The Unintelligible: The way she writes My Immortal in later chapters.
- Viewers Are Morons: To further convince us that she was very young at the time of writing the story, she feels the need to explain even the most basic details (mostly via author notes) such as "seventh year students are seventeen years old"
RavenTara's best friend/worst enemy, depending on the day. She worked as Tara's editor before they had a falling-out.Tropes associated with Raven:
- Comedy Ghetto: Proudly declares that she hates all comedies in her Fanfiction.net profile. Take a guess as to why.
- Also extremely ironic considering the story's reputation as unintentional comedy gold.
- Embarrassing First Name: She dislikes being named Jenny.
- Flanderization: The fans of My Immortal tend to think of Raven as the Only Sane Man to Tara's Ditz, but (assuming that both of them aren't figments of a someone's imagination) she proves in her own stories and profile page to be at best only a few levels above Tara in terms of ability to write and overall intelligence. In fact, if Tara's "official" Youtube account is of any indication, Raven (if not Jenny's "stage persona") might very well be the crazier and stupider one.
- The Ghost: She's only ever mentioned by Tara in the author's notes.
- Only Sane Employee: She worked as Tara's editor, which stifled some of the Rouge Angles of Satin. After she left, the story got worse.
- Over Shadowed By Awesome: Something of an inversion. Raven actually has two stories of her own, which while entertaining to read for the the same reasons as Tara's, are by comparison much shorter, written with better spelling and other essentials, and demonstrate better knowledge of the source material.