Though not by any definition particularly heroic, these are the protagonists of the story. They mainly consist of Ebony and goffic versions of the main characters of Harry Potter. They are distinguished from the rest of the world by subscribing to tastes in clothes, music, and other such things that the author likes. In reality, most of the "goffik" things are in fact not gothic in nature (usually instead being emo or completely unrelated). Thus, the difference between "da real goffs" and "posers" are completely arbitrary.Tropes present in more or less all goffs:
Our Vampires Are Different: Generally varies among them. Enoby is seemingly an actual vampire (see below), while Vampire Potter is just a guy pretending to be one.
Self Harm: Cutting specifically. Portrayed in a variety of manners, from the thoroughly stereotypical to the downright bizarre ("OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry).
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
The main character of the story. A Mary Sue pastiche (if you subscribe to the theory that this is in fact a parody fic, rather than something entirely serious), she spends the fic going to Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance concerts and doing it with Draco. She has long, ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips, icy blue eyes "like limpid tears" (even when they've mysteriously turned red) and only wears clothing from Hot Topic. Also the lead vocalist of a band named Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Often cries and slits her wrists, although this hasn't killed her yet.Tropes associated with Ebony:
Cluster F-Bomb: Typically her first line of defense when confronted by a physical threat (or a situation not going her way).
Disproportionate Retribution: When she and Britney have a confrontation, Britney makes a few off-hand remarks and mocks Enoby. What does Ebony do in response? Use a curse to torture her.
Granted, Britney didfree Snap, Loopin and Hargrid free from "Azkabian."
A more extreme example: When Ebony and "Satan" are making out while taking each others' clothes off and someone tells them that they can't do that (since they're watching a movie in public), Ebony drains her blood.
Interestingly, though, the author seems to try to justify the murder, claiming beforehand that the woman was a prep out of nowhere.
Fan Hater:invoked Ebony's hatred of "preps". As far as she's concerned, anyone who doesn't wear black, shop at Hot Topic and listen to the emo bands she likes, is obviously a Hilary Duff fangirl who wears pink and shops at Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, even the male characters considered "preps" are essentially Hilary Duff fangirls.
Fan Nickname: Thanks to the number of misspellings of her name, she's been dubbed "Enoby" by the fandom.
Hypocrite: She talks enthusiastically about how hot gay guys are, then accuses Draco of having AIDS (or "AIDs") when she thinks he's cheated on her with Vampire. Tara also insults the reviewers by calling them "gay fags".
She claims to not be a slut, yet she has an orgy in the penultimate chapter.
Snap and Loopin take footage of her naked. This is treated as wrong. When Snap and Loopin are naked and having sex in the hallway (while Dobby is watching!), she takes a picture and threatens to blackmail them with it. This is not treated as wrong.
Inexplicably Awesome: Ebony has no Backstory — she might just as well have fallen out of the sky and landed on Hogwarts grounds just before the start of the first chapter.
Informed Attribute: Draco mentions once that she's bisexual, despite her showing no sexual interest in girls throughout the whole story.
Informed Ability: She is too good at too many things, but it's never shown what she is good at. In Chapter 22, it is revealed she is also the only person who can kill Voldemort, but after this reveal, nothing is shown on why she is the chosen one. The only place she actually does anything is in bed with someone else.
Making Love in All the Wrong Places: Draco's room is all well and good. The Forbidden Forest probably borders the very outer limits of "normal". But a classroom where a class is in session just isn't the right place to make love.
She later does it in a coffin.
There are also two brief incidents which are overlooked due to the Negative Continuity which occurs right after them. At one point in Chapter 12, Ebony and Vampire find each other in a crowded Hogwarts hallways and, according to Enoby, "jumped on each other and started screwing each other." They stop when Professor McGoggle yells at them. In Chapter 38, when Enoby and Satan are on their date at the movies, she actually begins to write it out like a typical My Immortal sex scene in a crowded theater until a woman interrupts them. After that, they just leave the theater, Tara apparently forgetting about the clothes they took off and never put back on.
Meaningful Name: Besides the Ebony Dark'ness stuff, she (and the story) clearly lives up to the "Dementia" part.
Mood-Swinger: Made all the more... interesting by Tara's Beige Prose hardly ever giving a clue as to why she, for example, suddenly becomes very angry, even though it's written in first person.
Our Vampires Are Different: The only effects her vampirism seems to have are her immunity to bullets and her habit of drinking blood. She says she can be killed by a steak and a "c-r-o-s-s", but at another point in the story seems to forget about the cross and wears cross earrings.
Overdrawn at the Blood Bank: Slits her wrists roughly every three chapters with no apparent ill effects. Maybe all the blood she drinks makes up for it?
Ebony's boyfriend and Harry Vampire's ex-boyfriend. He's timid, sensitive, and as big of a goff as Enoby. Constantly worries about her leaving him and seeks her reassurance that she'll stay with him about once every three seconds. Once burst into one of Enoby's classes completely naked. Obviously Out of Character.Tropes associated with Draco:
Cool Car: A flying black Mercedes-Benz (with the number 666 on the license plate).
Driven to Suicide: Twice, apparently. The first time, after Voldemort's first appearance, he gets mad at Enoby for not telling her about it. The second time, after Snap did it with him, Enoby doesn't show him sympathy. He gets better after both times with no explanation.
Seme: To "Vampire"'s Uke. Though given how both of them seem to cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time...
Unexplained Recovery: Inexplicably reappears in the story after Dumbledore says that he's dead. Twice. The first time it appears that Volfemort has him bondage. The second time he just appears when Ebony is looking for him.
Voluntary Shapeshifting: Seems to be capable of it in Chapter 15, in which he apparently infiltrates Ebony's advanced Biology class disguised as a pentagram (yes, really) who then proceeds to turn into a black guitar, and then back to his usual form.
Bisexual goff who's Drago's ex-boyfriend and Ebony's "friend". Replaced his scar with a pentagram which he covers up with foundation. Does not seem to care about killing Volxemort anymore. In fact, his primary concern now seems to be the bizarre Love Triangle he's in with Enoby and Drako. On the one hand, Enoby is torn between the two of them and both are attracted to her. On the other, Darko and "Vampire" are also attracted to each other which Enoby finds hot. Note how although this triangle causes a great deal of Wangst, there is literally no way Ebony can lose. Oh, and Enoby also stole the chosen one position he had in the books. Again, OOC.Tropes Associated With "Vampire"
B'loody Mary Smith (Theoretically Hermione Granger)
Another one of Ebony's goffik friends. Often makes use of Gratuitous Japanese, particularly the word kawaiikawai. She moved to Slytherin after she converted Satanism, which was presumably when she decided to name herself after a cocktail. OOC. (Note, her name is pronounced "Buh-loody")Tropes associated with "B'loody Mary":
In Name Only: The real Hermione is a bookworm, obsessed with getting good grades, and is someone who is clearly her own person. In My Immortal, she doesn't touch a single book and is almost scared when Enoby assumes she is a prep.
Although when she confesses to killing Willow (and Loopin then doing it with her body), her emphasis on Willow's being expelled as more important is a hilarious moment of actually being in-character.
Gratuitous Japanese: She comes over as a way for Tara to demonstrate of her bad knowledge of Japanese.
She greets Enoby with "hajimemashite" - you wouldn't say this to someone you've known for a while and are good friends with. It's an introductory greeting.
"Kawai" would probably be pronounced closer to the word "kowai", which means scary.
Ebony's bisexual goffik friend and an avatar for the author's best friend Raven. Is randomly killed off half way through following an argument between Tara and Raven, but comes back with no explanation as soon as Tara and Raven patch things up. Likes speaking Gratuitous Japanese. Probably the only character whose name is spelled consistently throughout.Tropes associated with Willow
Out of Focus: Was originally Ebony's best friend. Later chapters have this role given to B'loody Mary.
Four siblings whose dad was a vampire. He "raped them and stuff" before committing suicide by slitting his wrists. As a result, they "got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism". Any resemblance to Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle is entirely coincidental. It's possible that Tara confused Crabbe and Goyle with Fred and George, especially considering she has them set off fireworks from "Wesley's Whizard Wises".
Goff who first appears in Chapter 17. Turns out, he was adopted and his real parents were vampires who died dyed in a car crash. Because of that, he turned to "Stanism". On two occasions, his name is misspelled as Dracola. OOC.
Ginny, Sedric, Fred and Gorge
All make brief, inexplicable cameos. It's not clear if Ginny and the above-mentioned Jenny are supposed to be the same person. Sedric isn't actually in the story proper, but is mentioned in an author's note in which Tara confusedly refers to him as though he had been in the previous chapter. She appears to have gotten him confused with Hagrid.
Despite the name, this is apparently not an incarnation of Voldemort. He is a shop assistant (in a 'goffik' shop, of course) who befriends Ebony & co, and who keeps certain items of clothing hidden under the desk so that only the real 'goffs', and not the 'posers', can get them for free. We're betting he doesn't have any idea how capitalism is supposed to work. He makes only a couple of appearances, and then Tara seems to forget about him completely.
Da Death Deelers are a group of villains who serve Voldemort in his evil schemes. And their most evil plan in My Immortal is to force Ebony to kill Vampire Potter. They even hijacked 2 MCR concerts that Ebony attended, just so that Voldemort can yell at her for not participating in his plan. Voldemort's main Death Deelers are Snap, Loopin and Snaketail.The Death Deelers may, or may not, bear any similarity to the Death Eaters from Harry Potter canon.
The Big Bad of the story. His Evil Plan is to make Enoby kill Vampire by giving her a gun and telling her to shoot him. If she doesn't, Voldemort will kill Draco, but he doesn't really follow through with the threat. He spends the entire story trying to make Ebony kill Vampire, even when he simply could kill the guy himself. He also, for some reason, speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. He's also seems to be a Star Wars fan, since in one chapter he dresses like "Darth Valer".In his youth, he was called Tom "Satan" Bombodil / Andorson. Ebony travels back in time to seduce him into loving her so that Voldemort would be less evil. And it's revealed Tom Bombodil is also a goff. And he has a goffic band called XBlakXTearX consisting of Lucian, Serious Blak, James Potter and Snap. They all went to school ... in the 1980s. Tom also knows everything that will happen in the future despite not overtly having any divining ability. When the Dumblydore of the past wants to punish him and ebony for being Satanists, they quickly jump into Ebony's time machine and end up in the present. Here, Tom Satan Bombodil changes into his future incarnation, Voldemort, and teams up with Snap and Loopin to kill Ebony. Obviously OOC.Tropes associated with Voldemort:
Big Bad: Theoretically. He doesn't actually do anything except show up, yell at Enoby, then leave.
Composite Character: Played straight in that the Bark Lord and "Tom Bombadil" are the same people, and inverted by making Tom Rid (see above) a different character.
Cool Car: Tom "Satan" Bombadil/Andorson (Voldemint's past self) owns a car that looks just like Darko's (which Ebony comments on in the narrative).
Creepy Crossdresser: In one chapter, it is stated that Ebony could "hear his high heels clacking".
Face-Heel Turn: Went from being a "goff" to a "prep", which is this in Ebony's world.
Although just how 'prep' he is in the present is debatable - although he wears all in black and high heels, it's obvious that "he wasn't gothic", is apparently a scary, which appears to be a 'goffik' trait (""OMG you guys are like so scary!" said Britney" [sic]), cries tears of blood and has a tragic past in which his "hearth" is "borken", he's still a prep by Enoby's standards. It becomes something of a Necessary Weasel - the reader can see that Voldemort is 'dark' and therefore a good candidate for goth-hood, but the author/Enoby calls him a prep because he is the Big Bad, and preps are the ultimate form of evil.
Harmless Villain / Offstage Villainy: The only person he's killed is Hermione's mother and that was in a bit of redundant backstory. In the fic itself, he only threatens Ebony, but does not follow up on his threats.
Love Makes You Evil: "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"
Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" His past self, Tom Bombodil, does not possess this weird trait, but instead talks in the same broken English Ebony and co use.
Snap and Loopin are the main lackeys of Voldemort. Their main plan seems to be recording a videotape of Ebony taking a bath, which they can use to blackmail her into killing Vampire. If she refuses, they will spread the tape around the school. Ebony calls them pedophiles, but they didn't do any act related to pedophilia (see below). They are also gay lovers who enjoy "doin it" in the open. Apparently supposed to be the characters Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, but bear no resemblance to them on even a superficial level.Snap seems to be the leader of the duo and comes up with most of their plans. Snap also operates solo multiple times in the fic. When Ebony travels 'back in tim', Snap is revealed to have been a close friend of Serious, Lucian, James Potter and Voldemort/Tom 'Satan' Bombodil. But he betrayed them by possessing James and causing him to shoot off Lucian's arm, which Ebony prevented when she encountered them in the past. Loopin is more of a follower and enjoys masticating to stuff.Tropes associated with them:
Composite Character: Inverted with Snoop in Chapter 30. Apparently his name is just "Snape" (when it's spelled right) and there's a completely different guy named "Serverus", who was probably supposed to be Sirius.
Demonic Possession: When Ebony travels into the past, James Samaro Potter attempts to shoot Lucian's arm off with a knife. Later, Tara tried to imply Snap made James do this by possessing him, but she actually made James say Snap was possessing himself.
In Name Only: Snape and Loopin are constantly called preps by Ebony, even though neither of them wear preppy clothing or listen to preppy music.
Informed Attribute / In Name Only: A single author's note tells us that Snape/Snake/Snap/Snoop/Snipe's a Christian, but the idea is never mentioned or hinted at again.
Informed Flaw: Ebony calls them pedophiles, but since she's seventeen and therefore A) not biologically a child and B) over the age of consent, which is sixteen in the UK, their perving on her, while reprehensible, is not pedophilia and they show no hints of actual pedophilia at any point. Plus there's the fact that, in the Potterverse, under wizarding law the age of adulthood is seventeen.
Made of Iron: Snape and Loopin are barely fazed when shot a gazillion times by Ebony; indeed, Snap's minor hand injury in the aftermath of the skirmish is attributed to Dumbleydore's wand.
The "fat guy who killed Cedric". He tortures Draco and asks to have sex with Ebony, since "in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok". She stabs him in the heart and he runs around while bleeding to death. In a rare demonstration of continuity, he actually stays dead (or at least isn't mentioned again). Probably based on Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail from the real Harry Potter series, but the only things that indicate this is that he killed Cedric.Tropes associated with Snaketail:
Big "NO!": Does one upon being stabbed in the heart.
Killed Off for Real: As mentioned above, he is about the only character who stays dead after being killed.
Love at First Sight: He has never seen Enoby before, but in the middle of the fight he has with her and Vampire, he confesses his love towards Ebony. He even went as far to ask Ebony to have sex with him.
Another evil faction. Its a mysterious group of wizards that hold alot of power over Hogwarts. They, for example, can and will send anyone they see fit to random places in the Caucasus. The Mystery successfully took over Hogwarts in later chapters by sending Dumblydore and Sinister to the aforementioned region, but after that, the faction disappears from the story without explanation.Most likely based on the Ministry of Magic from the real Harry Potter series.Tropes associated with this faction:
Lawful Stupid: Well, at least they try to come off as lawful, even if they fail miserably at it.
The Minister for Magic and apparently still male despite the name. Considers Dumbledore incompetent and sends him to "Azerbaijan", which peculiarly does not endear him to Ebony and friends. Apperantly has a very short fuse since he took over potions class once, but stomped away angrily after Ebony & co talked openly in class.Tropes associated with Cornelia/Cornelio:
The Cavalry: Surprisingly. Trevolry mentions off-handedly that he was coming to "help every1" during the climax of the fanfic.
The Cavalry Arrives Late: What probably would have happened if the fic actually continued, assuming Tara wouldn't have forgotten that he was coming.
Gender-Blender Name: Played straight and averted. Sometimes he is called Cornelia, but other times he is called Cornelio.
An associate of Cornelia Fudge. She first appears at hogwarts to yell at Dumbledore that his Alzheimers is a danger to the school. When Ebony returns from a trip to the past, it appears that Doris Rumbridge became the principal. She also sends Sinistra to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik" and brings Dumbledore back to teach her class (about 15 minutes after he left). Assuming she's supposed to be Dolores Umbridge, doing something remotely nice for Dumbledore is really the only part of this which is out of character. But then again, Dumbledore is evil in this fic (most of the time), so maybe it's in character for her after all.Tropes associated with Doris Rumbridge:
Culture Police: She sent Sinistra to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik"
This is a fairly neutral group. Sometimes, Enoby and friends get in trouble, so the staff is portrayed as Evil. At other times, they help Enoby in the war against Vlodemort.
The principal of Hogwarts. He starts out as one of Ebony's enemies by shooting an Atomic F-Bomb at her and Draco for having sex. After that, he is seemingly neutral, since he helps Ebony as many times as he gets in her way. The times he gets in Enoby's way are probably caused by headaches, as mentioned in numerous author's notes. When Voldemort takes over an MCR concert for the second time, Dumblydore turns to the Goff side and saves Ebony and co.After his transition to Goff, he paints the 'Grate Hall' black (but apparently painted it pink first). He also tries to befriend Ebony and the other Goffs, but is shouted at because he is a 'poser'(someone who tries to be Goth, but really isn't). But he's seemingly a good guy from that moment on.When Ebony travels back in time, Albert Dumblydore's hatred for Goffs is much worse than in the present time. It was so bad, that he sent any Goff he saw in the school to Akazaban.Unlike his canon counterpart, this Dumbledore isn't concerned at all about the war between good and evil. He even lets his students rot at the hands of Voldemort if he doesn't like them. He is also quickly intimidated by students who shout at him. Heavily OOC.Tropes associated with Dumbledore
Blonde Guys Are Evil: In the 80's, he appearently had blonde hair, and was "mean to goffs and punxs", which are the protagonists of the story. He also sent students to "Abhkazian" if they misbehaved...and that was the lucky option.
The Corrupter: He "corrupts" Rumbridge in one chapter, whatever that means.
Light Is Not Good: He's an Avril Lavigne loving prep obsessed with pink, even as a poser. Also a more straight example in his youth than even the other preps, according to the description of his 80's self.
HE MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT HE IS ALSO A SATANIST! In this fanfic, Hargrid goes from the gamekeeper into a Hogwarts student for no clear reason. He also switches sides with each passing appearance. One time, he's a Goff who helps Enoby against evildoers such as Snap and Loopin. The other times, he's a Prep that tries to harass Ebony. OOC either way.Tropes associated with Hargrid:
Badass Decay:invoked In canon, Hagrid is stated as very physically strong and can withstand spells that are deadly to other wizards. Here, Vampire and Draco beat him up sexily.
Heel-Face Revolving Door: Really doesn't know which side he's on. In his first appearance, he's a member of Ebony's band. In his second appearance, he seemingly tries to scare away Snap and Loopin (who are harassing Enoby) by confessing that he is a satanist. Later in the story, he tries to poison Ebony with an Amnesia potion (probably amortentia potion, which in the real books is a love potion). In the end, he seems to be on Enoby's side again.
Flying Broomstick: Possesses one of those, but it doesn't seem to fly. That doesnt stop him from using it to run outside.
Large Ham: “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
Misspellings: Hargrid, HAHRID, Hargirid, Hargrif, HairgridActually, he isn't called by his real name (Hagrid) even once, so its safe to say Hargrid is his name here.
The only goffik teacher in the school. Professor Sinister a.k.a. Trevolry (the two are inexplicably interchanged for the same character) is a half-Japanese half-Vampire and is Ebony's favorite teacher. The subject she teaches is called Deviation. (which is probably meant to be Divination).She is the person who tells Ebony to go back in time to seduce Voldemort.Later on in the story, Professor Sinister gets addicted to "Volxemortserum" and asks Ebony to find a cure for her addiction. Professor Sinister also gets send to Azerbaijan by the Mystery of Magic for being too Gothic, but returns at Hogwarts without explanation. OOC and often OON(Out Of Name). (The names derive from Professors. Sybill Trelawney [Divination] and Aurora Sinistra [Astronomy].Tropes associated with Professor Sinister/Trevolry:
Cardboard Prison: Sending Professor Sinister to Azerbaijan is not a good way to get rid of her.
The Potions teacher in the '80s. Presumably based on Professor Horace Slughorn from the real books, but is described as a tall gothic man with long hair, instead of short and obese with a bald head like the real character. This makes him OOL (out of look). He makes too short of an appearance to really prove how much OOC he is.
The school nurse. She's frequently seen tending to Egogy in the hospital wing, where she frequently winds up after silting her wrists or getting hurt during one of her misadventures. Presumably based on Madam Pomfrey from the books, but its hard to tell how in-character she is because she's never named and has no dialogue.Tropes associated with the Nurse:
Makes a brief appearance watching "Snake" and "Loopin" do it, then runs away when Snape and Lupin see Enoby. This is his only appearance in the whole fic. He is also one of the rare characters whose name is spelled correctly throughout the fic.
The counterparts to the goffs. They seem to be defined by a love for bright, cheery colors and pop music roughly equal to the goth's obsession with the color black and emo stuff.Another type of prep is called the 'poser'. Posers are people who pretend to be Gothic, but are preps (usually they dress semi-"gothic").Tropes associated with preps:
Light Is Not Good: Stereotypical preppy fangirls (yes, even the boys) at heart, they are antagonistic nonetheless. Just not much of a threat as Tara hoped they were.
A "prep from "Griffindoor". Regarded as the Alpha Bitch from her first appearance, despite doing nothing even slightly reprehensible. However, near the end of the story, it's revealed she allied with Vlodemort and da Death Deelers and freed Hargrid ,Snap and Loopin from Azerbaijan.Tropes associated with Britney:
Unlike Harry's godfather Sirius Black, this man is Harry's "dogfather". Also unlike Sirius, Serious was apparently friends with Snape during their school days considering they were in XBlakXTearX together.
Apparently supposed to be based on Lucius Malfoy. In the fic, he's Draco's father and part of XBlakXTearX back in the day. Apparently, had one arm until Ebony changed the past so his other arm didn't get shot off. Needless to say, a good guy in this.Tropes associated with Lucian:
Voldemort's gay lover from the 1980s and the most OOC in the whole story because Hedwig is a female, presumably straight, anti-Voldemort, alive-in-the-1990s owl in the books. This could be a reference to Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
Inexplicably appears to give Ebory a "tim machine" so she can go "frowad in tim". His reasons for being present in the Potter Verse and helping Ebony are unknown. In any case, he's OOC for any verse and his "tim machine" does not seem to function like the DeLorean.Tropes associated with "Morti"
In Name Only: His only resemblance to the actual Back to the Future character is the association with time travel. And even then, his "tim machine" is "blak" (while the DeLorean is silver) and apparently small enough to carry on his person, eliminating the possibility that he either repainted the DeLorean or is using the Time Train.
The individual who created this mess.Tropes associated with Tara:
The Cuckoolander Was Right: She correctly guessed that in Deathly HallowsHarry has to let himself be killed, because he is a Horcrux. She's hardly the only person who suspected it, but considering her more surreal ideas about the series, it's impressive.
Multiple Choice Past: Related to Alternative Character Interpretation above, there have been a number of different people who claimed to be the troll Tara, the real Tara, or to have known her and/or Raven while the story was being written. Though it currently seems impossible to determine which (if any) of these accounts hold any truth.
Flanderization: The fans of My Immortal tend to think of Raven as the Only Sane Man to Tara's Ditz, but (assuming that both of them aren't figments of a someone's imagination) she proves in her own stories and profile page to be at best only a few levels above Tara in terms of ability to write and overall intelligence. In fact, if Tara's "official" Youtube account is of any indication, Raven (if not Jenny's "stage persona") might very well be the crazier and stupider one.
Over Shadowed By Awesome: Something of an inversion. Raven actually has two stories of her own, which while entertaining to read for the the same reasons as Tara's, are by comparison much shorter, written with better spelling and other essentials, and demonstrate better knowledge of the source material.
You, The Reader
Tropes associated with you, the reader:
Face Palm: You'll probably give these to yourself when reading this fanfic. In between bouts of laughter, of course.