Funny / Child of the Storm

    Book I - Child of the Storm 
  • The constant snarking.
  • Steve being traumatized by porn. To wit, he was using one of Tony's laptops that popped up a porn site an after a few desperate attempts to close it, poor Steve resorted to punching the computer. While complaining that girls should not do such things with cups.
  • Robin Hood On Ice, as performed by the Hogwarts suits of armour and Professor Snape as an unwilling participant as the Sheriff of Nottingham.
  • Thor's letter to Fudge on the subject of yielding Sirius to Ministry custody.
    Fudge. Fuck off and die. Thor.
    • The follow up scene is pure gold, with Dumbledore subtly and incessantly mocking Fudge.
    Fudge: My point is that the innocent have nothing to fear.
    Dumbledore: I think Mister Black would disagree. Quite strenuously.
    • From the same scene:
    “Are you saying that I should lie down and let him walk all over I and the Ministry because he is powerful?” Fudge demanded. Dumbledore had to strongly resist the temptation to point out that he saw no reason why not, as that was what Fudge did best, and after all, why break the habit of a lifetime?
  • Really, any scene with Tony/Loki/Darcy in it.
  • Darcy giving Harry a hug and smooshing his face in her boobs, because that, at the time, is what's at Harry's head height.
    Tony: Second base already. I’m impressed, kiddo.
    • He [Tony] later refers to her cleavage as 'the Grand Canyon Mark 2'
      • Harry, having grown up somewhat, finds that he's now taller than Darcy, with a mixture of relief and irritation. Darcy responds with this gem.
    Yeah, from now on you gotta buy me dinner and ask real nice if you wanna get permission to shove your head in my rack.
  • Pretty much any scene involving Harry's mind being perverted is hilarious.
  • Tony, Sirius, Loki and Darcy discussing sex. Darcy opines that Loki is into bondage, Tony is whipped and Jane is a screamer.
  • Harry making to sit on a sofa and Thor stopping him, awkwardly saying that he [Harry] doesn't know where its been. Jane and Thor had been shagging on it earlier.
    • Harry then playing innocent to further embarrass his father.
  • Loki, coffee maker supreme.
  • Thor and Loki bickering in Gringotts.
  • 'They normally turned to Stark and Banner when there was a science based issue, if only to say, 'please stop doing it'.
  • Loki has a mortal Old Flame. The Queen. Apparently she was not pleased by his 'Puny Mortals' phase.
  • Tony and Pepper's interactions.
  • The Lemony Narrator.
  • The general reactions to Thor and Loki's offhand explanation of the other pantheons, with reference to Jesus.
  • Fandral's desperate yet effective attempt at Xanatos Speed Chess to a) amend his case of foot-in-mouth, b) set up Loki/Sif.
  • About being a Hormone-Addled Teenager:
    Sirius: Definitely. I was a randy little bugger back then.
    Remus: You still are, Padfoot.
  • Darcy notes that her type is a guy of the Darker and Edgier bent, rather than a Thor/Steve type. Steve sulks slightly and this exchange follows.
    Steve: I can be edgy.
    Clint: Steve, last time I and Nat went running with you, you stopped to rescue a little girl’s kitten that was stuck up a tree. You’re about as edgy as cookie dough.
  • “I would prefer my nephew be spared the sight of the Warriors Three at feeding time.”
  • This passage:
    Madness may provide great inspiration, but it plays havoc with your probability calculation, capacity for rational thought and ability to appreciate the arts. Though it does do wonders for your fashion sense. Black, after all, is always in style.
  • Harry's first Asgardian ball, with the narrator's comment on what said balls are usually like.
    Parties like these, or so Harry had found, were like piles of autumn leaves - very pretty, ever changing, and there were probably snakes at the bottom. If this had been put to Harry, he would have quite reasonably said that he could talk to snakes, but there is such a thing as taking the metaphor too far.
  • Loki saying 'yippee ki yay'.
  • The following.
    Pepper: Even Tony Stark's insurance doesn't cover grand acts of idiocy.
  • Huginn and Muninn having New York accents (a result of too long on Earth) and snarking like there's no tomorrow.
  • 'Hogun was as expressionless as an overdose of botox.'
  • Any time that Sif plays Team Mom to the Warriors Three.
    • Chapter 13
    The Lady Sif, at your service. The Warriors Three would be here IF THEY WEREN’T SO BUSY CHECKING THEIR WEAPONS, FLIRTING WITH THE MAIDS AND EATING HALF THE ROYAL PANTRY. AGAIN! Beat *turns to Frigga* My apologies, my lady.
    • Chapter 36.
    Sif: Stop that, Fandral.
    • This is in response to the below incident. Jane has thrown a book at Loki and it is casually explained that this is common place since Thor and Loki are Nigh Invulnerable. Fandral, meanwhile, seems to be wondering if everyone can get in on this and is eyeing a chair. Sif doesn't even have to turn round.
  • Jane trying to disprove that she's brave. Loki isn't having any of it. And is being smug about it.
    Loki: So, facing down the Destroyer is an everyday matter, is it?
    Jane: Well, no. Beat I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I? No matter what I say, I’m going to lose.”
    Loki: Yes. Yes, you are.
    Jane: Thor, can I hit your brother?
    Thor: Be my guest. But believe me, it will only make him worse.
    Jane duly hurled a hardback book at Loki. He didn’t even bother trying to dodge. It hit him square in the forehead, and bounced off. Then he reached down and picked it up.
    Loki: How to make friends and influence people. How appropriate.
  • Steve's response to the above, in which he sounds uncannily like Mrs Weasley.
  • Pretty much all of Chapter 37.
    • The Warriors Three discovering porn and the Internet.
    • The various different reactions by Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three to Loki changing their clothes to business suits in order to blend in.
      • Fandral admires himself in a mirror, Thor's uncomfortable, Volstagg can't breathe, Hogun doesn't react and Sif mostly seems to be surprised.
    • Thor, Loki, Sif and the Warriors Three trying to squeeze into the Ministry visitor's entrance. Cue an annoyed Thor yelling his catchphrase.
    Telephone boxes are only designed to fit one, maybe two people, if both are of about average height and know each other quite well, or, at night in seedier areas, getting to know each other very well.
    • The Ministry receptionist doesn't even look up and tells Thor to put his wand on the scale. Thor stares at him, then silently plonks Mjolnir on the scale.
    • The Warriors Three being puzzled by Midgardian turns of phrase.
    • The entire Fudge scene.
      • One example of Loki subtly, and sometimes openly, mocking Fudge.
    Loki: Effective exile for an innocent man.
    Fudge: With respect, Prince Loki, his innocence is a matter for a trial to determine.
    Loki: If only you'd had that brilliant thought twelve years ago.
    • Both Loki and Dumbledore utterly dismissing Fudge at the end. In his own office.
    Loki: Well, I think that concludes our business here. Do not let us detain you, Minister.
    • Which serves as a hilarious Call Back to Fudge and Dumbledore's previous discussion, which ended with Fudge being dismissed with the same quote.
  • One of the Malfoy House Elves, called Drippy, recognises Fury from when he burned down the Manor and beat up Lucius Malfoy. His response:
    Yes. I did. Would you like me to do it again?
    • The conversation, which is basically Fury losing his temper and Drippy refusing to move, while Rhodey and Betsy try damage control.
  • The A/N's can be quite amusing, since the author is clearly insane (something he cheerfully acknowledges) and really quite talkative.
  • In a Black Comedy sort of way, Gravemoss mentally upping the suffering on the death he's going to give the HYDRA mook who just doesn't know when to shut up.
  • Gravemoss has a strange tendency of accidentally making pop culture references in the middle of threatening/killing/torturing someone, leading to fairly epic Mood Whiplash.
  • Chapter 45 has Harry unsure as to which of the Weasley Twins is which, leading to the narration alternating between titles like 'Quite Possibly Fred' and 'On Balance, Most Likely George'.
  • Anything and everything involving Ron's Puffskeins, starting with their names - Henry and Graham.
    • Henry met his end when Fred and George ended up mistaking him for a tennis ball that Mr Weasley had brought home, and used him for bludger practice, thinking the noises were normal. They only found out when he hit the wall and splattered. Harry finds this to be an In-Universe example of Black Comedy and has difficulty restraining laughter.
    • Graham, on the other hand, may still be alive. No one's quite sure because Fred and George practise their hover charms on him, and he went straight up. And didn't come back down again.
  • Two words. Accio Hedwig.
  • Natasha's response to Professor Sprout being shocked at her age and being asked how she remains so young.
  • Combined with Fridge Brilliance, Thor apologises to Hermione for staring because he's spotted her resemblance to her mother, Wanda and says that he was 'lost in thought and memory'. Right on cue...
  • Every single scene with Huginn and Muninn. They're either bitching at Thor, each other or whoever happens to be around. They like Harry. And they have Brooklyn accents.
  • Freki and Geri will, apparently, 'eat everything that isn't nailed down'.
  • When Harry finds out about Luna's bullying at the hands of her housemates.
    Harry found himself entertaining the thoughts of a violent pyromaniac, and idly wondered if stone, say, the stone that made up Ravenclaw Tower, was flammable. All prior evidence suggested that it wasn’t, but maybe all prior evidence simply hadn’t been trying hard enough.
  • And when Harry learns that the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team is complicit in all the abuse Luna undergoes at the hand of her housemates, he starts grinning horribly. The next scene is McGonagall reading the extensive list of injuries suffered by the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team and punishing Harry for indirectly causing them and telling him "Nicely done".
  • The Winter Soldier's internal arguments are generally quite funny, with one side being an analytical and computer like personality, the other being the human and somewhat snarky personality of Bucky Barnes.
  • At one point, Dumbledore considers hiring Dresden as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, just to mess with Fudge.
    • He also remembers when Dr Strange moved from London to New York in the 60s, claiming his fashion sense would stick out less there; on remembering visiting him there in full wizard outfit and not receiving so much as a raised eyebrow, Dumbledore figures he had a point.
  • Fred and George demonstrating their new experimenting with merging science and magic by sticking some repulsors on Errol, ending up launching him all over the train station like a bottle rocket. And Harry notes that the poor owl isn't scared so much as he is resigned to his fate.
  • Every time some random Badass meets their hero. And has to try to resist squeeing like a fangirl when said hero exceeds their expectations. Some cases in point:
    • Chapter 45: Dane Whitman, the Black Knight, asking for the autograph of Michael Carpenter, Knight of the Cross, in the middle of vast pitched battle.
    • Chapter 1 of Chaos Reigns: Harry Dresden squees upon recognising Wanda Maximoff after shaking her hand. In front of witnesses. That he later tries to deny it makes it even better, because absolutely no one is buying it.
  • Harry frequently being distracted by Betsy's sexy while she's teaching him and Betsy's gently amused reaction to it.
  • Chapter 2 of Chaos Reigns has a couple of moments:
    • Dresden and Thomas Raith squabbling in the back of the car.
    • Dresden's Freudian Slip about the length of his staff.
    Murph: Don't be too impressed. Dresden often exaggerates.
    • Dresden's Dissonant Serenity at his abrupt introduction to Aeromancy and the Mabdhara chowing down on a police horse.
    • After he gets air-dropped close to Murphy's barricade and annihilates the N'Garai attacking the cops, they are naturally staring at him. His first thought is that there is something wrong with his hair.
  • While Chapter 71 is, like its predecessor, fairly short on humour, it has a moment or two, for instance:
    • The Winter Soldier's response to hearing the famous 'snikt'.
    • And how the Soldier beats Wolverine - he reaches into his pocket and gets out a thermite tipped RPG, eliciting an understandable You Have Got to Be Kidding Me! reaction from Logan.
  • Chapter 75 gets some more humour back after Chapter 74:
    • After Carol wonders how it is possible that she is Captain America's great-granddaughter, Harry seems to be about to start with The Birds And The Bees.
    • Logan's nickname for Namor: fishy.
    • Wisdom asks JARVIS if he wants a piece of HYDRA. JARVIS corrects him. He wants them in pieces.
    • Darcy swipes a bag of jelly babies off some British doctor wearing a massive scarf.
      • Even funnier when one remembers that the show exists in-universe.
    • Colonel Summers echoes Natasha's response to inquiries about one's age and how one does not look it.
    • Doctor Strange is back in full Troll force: he takes Loki's head and replaces it with a note saying I.O.U. one Loki and swipes Moody's leg for a ritual because it's funny.
    • Strange also views Namor's Battle Cry as a sign of Incoming Ham.
    • When Strange pulls out a top hat (it's actually a portkey), Harry asks if he's going to pull out a rabbit next.
    • During the first meeting of the Shadow Initiative, Havok and Namor come close to trading blows over a past encounter, before Fury shuts them down. And then complains that at least the Avengers got introductions out of the way before fighting each other.
    Fury: (growls) And that's not helping.
  • Chapter 76 continues with the resurgence of the wit.
    Carol: I can’t believe we’re fighting this guy.
    Harry: I can't believe we've been fighting this guy for more than ten seconds and we're not dead yet.
    Carol: Give it time.
    Harry: I'd rather not.
    Jean-Paul: I am going to meet my end alongside total lunatics.
    Carol: He has problems. Useful problems, but still problems.
    Harry: We’re having this conversation in the middle of fighting an army of unholy abominations and their master, who will probably crush all of us like flies once he actually gets his act together. We all have problems.
    • Honestly, the whole of that section is hilarious.
    • Harry gets his battle plan for dealing with Gravemoss from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
    • Dresden's narration, in its usual First Person Smart Ass style. For instance, his observation on Wanda's chilly greeting of Constantine.
    Ouch, you could have deep frozen a mammoth with that tone.
    • And then the hilariously Crazy Awesome bit where Dresden's force-and-fire spell mixes with Soulfire to turn his blasting rod into his lightsabre, particularly his first line.
    “I am so getting sued for this.”
    • Then quoting Yoda to taunt Gravemoss when the latter starts backing away in terror.
    “If so powerful you are, why leave?”
    • Rhodey repeatedly complaining, partly in response to the above, 'how is this my life?'
    • And Dresden's remark when Wanda asks him how he feels about a more in-depth introduction to Aeromancy.
    • Immediately afterwards, Wanda turns his pants brown.
    • Wisdom's response to being informed that the Houses of Parliament have taken a pounding.
    "They’ve already been bombed! And they needed fixing any way; there was dry rot and rats everywhere!”
    • Wisdom's kvetching about the way the situation is only getting worse.
    Someone else has picked up Mjolnir. Of course I couldn’t be so lucky to have the actual god of thunder pick it up. No, a newbie with the Green Lantern Ring and a HYDRA helicarrier armed to the teeth with Deity Class weaponry isn’t enough, I have to have someone else with absolutely no idea what the hell they’re doing wielding another weapon powerful enough to blow up the whole fucking planet!
    • And Betsy's matter-of-fact response to this.
    "Well. That’s us buggered then. And not in a fun way, either."
    • The kids bickering. Again.
    Diana: Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.
    Carol: Considering how many times we almost died on the way in here, I’m not sure how you came to that conclusion.
    Harry: We’re still alive, aren’t we?
    Steve: "Did you have something to do with that explosion I heard earlier?”
    Carol: "That was us."
    Harry: "We were fighting Gravemoss."
    Steve: "HYDRA’s necromancer? And you won?"
    Carol: "Well, I think that we mostly just really pissed him off. That and made him somebody else’s problem." She shuffled her feet. “And we might have destroyed a bridge. A big one.”
    Uhtred: “It was in the cause of justice."
    Carol: First day on the job and we get this. How is that fair?
    Harry: Since when was life fair?
    Carol: Good point.
    • Dresden and Carol - and Harry and Wanda - have a Strange Minds Think Alike moment when in the scene immediately afterwards, Dresden complains (like Carol) that this is so not fair and Wanda dryly asks (like Harry) that since when was life fair?
    • The profound (and justified) smugness of Doctor Strange after Nick Fury, who'd been in the midst of chewing him out, stoic, unflappable Nick Fury, is struck dumb by the sight of the kids taking down/dismembering two giants in about thirty seconds flat and using the burning meat as a cannonball to damage the Dreadnought.
    "Amazing what you can do when you take a few talented young people and give them directions to HYDRA’s armoury, isn't it?"
    • Wanda giving Harry a maternal scolding for putting himself in danger and Carol's background sotto voce mumble of "busteeed..."' It's just normal and absurdly out of place in the grand scale Final Battle
    • Wanda's continuing exasperation at the ridiculous antics of her godson and those she cares for.
    “Why am I surrounded by morons who do not know the meaning of caution?”
    "Holy fuck. Now I see what all the fuss is about.” Her gaze dropped downwards. “Wow. Okay, now that’s just excessive."
  • Chapter 77 does not have as much hilarity, but still enough:
    • Stephen Strange screwing with Malfoy with a single line.
      • Also, Strange calling Gravemoss a 'rank, arrogant amateur' in scathing tones.
    • Tony's re-entrance in the battlefield.
    "Hello Director. May I say that your head is looking delightfully shiny today?" came the insouciant voice of Tony Stark. Fury had never been so glad to hear that voice and, he reflected, probably never would be again.
    • Also, his new nicknames for Clint and Natasha: Robin Hood and Agent Raspberry.
    • Uhtred is, naturally, having the time of his life in the battlefield.
    • One of Jean-Paul's methods to deal with demons is via the Finger Poke of Doom.
    • Father-son bonding in the Asgardian tradition: kicking arse.
    • Thor teasing Harry over his attraction to Carol.
    • Tony manages to make a dragon swallow him as part of his plan... only for the dragon to close its mouth. Tony promptly tells JARVIS not to say 'I told you so'.
      • Upon getting out, he asks JARVIS to tell Pepper to clear two days from her calendar - which he intends to use for 'it's good to be alive sex' that will have the neighbours making complaints. Natasha informs him that she won't bother with complaints.
      • As part of his efforts to distract HYDRA, he locks them down, turns on the sprinklers and puts the Crazy Frog song on a loop. Clint rightly informs him that he is a cruel and ingenious man.
      • JARVIS mildly, in the midst of battle, revealing Hogwarts' favourite flowers (in response to Tony's remark that he needs to get the Castle some flowers in thanks): cloudberries.
      • Tony verbally flipping off Zola when he attempts to take over the Prometheus suit.
    • Harry and Carol arguing over a demon dragon's stupidity, with Carol saying it is at Darwin Awards level.
    • Volstagg dips his finger in a bit of the previous demon's remains and tastes them, and by doing so effectively identifies where it came from.
    • Fandral, fed up with the unresolved nature UST between Loki and Sif, finally pushes their heads together, forcing them to kiss.
    • Dumbledore was all too willing to let a bunch of Mindless Ones tear through Tate Modern, considering said action an invaluable service to art and British culture, if it were not for the people within.
    • Severus snarking at the people that did not run away from London after everyone else did.
    • Loki and the Voice of London discussing the city's nicknames. And the Voice telling him that the spell she asks him to use will grant him eternal bragging rights. And the Voice flicking him in the forehead to pass the information he needs.
    • Colonel Philips (a spirit come back because of what Gravemoss did) grumpily saying Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey on behalf of Strange. Just imagine Tommy Lee Jones saying it.
    • In the middle of the battle, Sirius takes the time to crack a joke about Bellatrix Lestrange and the fact that her outside now matches the inside.
    • While Chthon is distracted, Strange takes advantage and sucker-punches him.
  • Chapter 78:
    • When the Legends of Tomorrow are summoned by Strange and appear largely as blurs, repairing the damage, one shoots overhead in a red and blue blur, leaving behind the crack of an immense sonic boom. Since reality is warping around them, the laws of physics constantly changing, this riff is the result, and leaves in no doubt who it actually is:
    Steve: Is it a bird?
    Clint: Is it a plane?
    Strange: Spoilers.
    It is so satisfying to see that happen to someone else.
    • The Gherkin becomes an actual gherkin. Tony Stark proceeds to tell Bruce he has some competition. Dresden, Darcy, Carol, Jean-Paul, Fandral and Volstagg (described as the ones with an actual or mental age of 15) start to snigger, while Thor tries to hide his laugh under a cough. When Wanda says they have to do something about it, Tony suggests cold water, which brings another round of sniggering. Loki decries the fact that it has only taken him three minutes to start making penis jokes after they narrowly averted the end of the world.
    Magneto: And he's supposed to be one of the greatest minds of our age. God help us all.
    • Magneto has learned Harry Dresden is his daughter's boyfriend and gives him a measuring look. Dresden tries to hide behind Wanda, but, since he's over one foot taller than her, he fails miserably. Wanda's response.
    Father, don't you dare.
    • When they hear about the post-battle party, Huginn and Muginn appear, and the latter asks for eyeballs. All the Asgardians just sigh or otherwise express embarrassment, but not surprise.
    • To prove her identity to Nick Fury, Lily Potter reveals that, the night of Harry's christening, he, James, Sirius and John Constantine went through six bottles of firewhiskey and took Sirius' motorbike, a barrel of grease and a herd of enchanted badgers to a Quidditch match. Sirius remembers it as "good times", Thor goes red and Tony is, of course, recording this wonderful piece of blackmail.
  • Tony Stark and Harry Dresden meet, and initially start up the Snark-to-Snark Combat, much to the disgruntlement of everyone else.
    • During the post-battle feast, much of the Asgardian crowd listens in on them and actually take bets on who'll get the last word.
  • Carol teasing Harry by comparing him to Luke Skywalker and saying that his psychic powers make him 'basically a Jedi.'

    Book II - Ghosts of the Past 
  • The psychic therapy scene in chapter 1 between Harry and Carol is equal parts adorable and hilarious, with copious references to The Girl In The Fireplace, specifically the Ship Tease heavy telepathy scene between the Doctor and Reinette. Of course, since the two involved are teenagers with mutual UST, a lot of trauma in their recent pasts and both are in their night-wear, it's as awkward and Adorkable as you'd expect.
    • When Natasha sees Harry and Carol having a Sleep Cute moment following the above, and tells the other Avengers they are sleeping together. Their reactions are fairly funny, with the prize going to Steve doing a Spit Take and drenching Tony and Fandral collecting a sack of money from Volstagg.
    • The reactions when Bruce figures out what she really meant are equally fairly priceless.
    • When talking about the Marauders, Sirius mentions that they did not have too many personal boundaries, and Thor points out, somewhat aggrieved, that Sirius once used his head as a pillow (Sirius was unrepentant). When Tony, naturally, asks about photos, Remus offers one better: he still remembers the event and Pensieves exist for a reason.
  • Snape revealed to the parents that Remus is a werewolf, so he was politely asked to resign. As revenge, Thor has one tiny cloud follow Snape everywhere, drenching him with rain, sleet, snow and hail, and from time to time throw a little lightning bolt.
  • The by the pool scene, when Harry reveals that he can't swim because of Dudley's bullying, has Lex open his mouth to offer to exercise his Knight Templar Big Brother tendencies. When Carol shuts him down, he says, somewhat aggrieved:
    Actually, I was going to offer the services of my lawyers.
  • Much like the other Harry could have told him, thinking that nothing can go wrong is not a good idea.
  • Sirius explains that his family made him learn several ancient languages in the hopes of it improving his spell making ability, even though, as he points out, most spells are in "bad Latin".
  • Chapter 2 gets pretty dark from about a third of the way in, but there's a few gems in that third.
    • Wanda declines the invitation to the Quidditch World Cup, on the grounds that this year's Halloween and Winter Solstice are going to be especially busy for her and her apprentice and boyfriend, Harry Dresden, who she therefore needs to put through some intense training. Harry, seeing the innuendo, sniggers, and Wanda, totally unabashed, turns it back on him.
    Yes, that too. Your godmother might be an old lady, but unlike some in this room, she's getting some.
    • Harry's response when Bagman remarks that there can't be anyone who hasn't heard of him.
    • The Twins decide to make use of the leprechauns' only-temporary-existing gold to con people, and Carol decides to go along with it just to Troll Steve.
    Carol: So what I'm is that we need to spend this quickly.
    George: And carefully.
    Fred: Spread the spending around so it won't be so noticeable or easily traceable.
    Carol: You guys have an idea about where to start?
    Fred: My dear Miss Danvers, we don't have an idea.
    George: Perish the thought: we have several.
    • Loki and Tony argue over which of them has been a worse influence on the Twins, ultimately settling on a 55-45 split. Though Loki admits the Twins already had plenty of mischief in them and that he and Tony just encouraged it. As Thor states, that's what worries him.