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Funny: The Magic Of Torchwood
  • The Fork. And it's many appearances.
  • Jack using a stinging hex...on Bellatrix...on her arse. This is after he notes that at the Time Agency she would have been just his type. Coupled with this line:
  • Jack messing with Bellatrix further: "Aww, calm down, crazy kitty. Maybe you and I should go somewhere quiet and work out a few of your anger issues."
  • Ianto constantly snarking, and when he finally learns the Silencio spell, much to Owen's discomfort.
  • Jack complaining to Draco and Harry that they're acting like a pair of jealous girlfriends about him. Also his various insinuations of UST between the two.
  • Jack and Gwen manipulating Skeeter into being fired by talking about a lot of false gossip such as Harry and Snape getting together and other hilarious things.
  • Ianto snarking (interaction paraphrased):
    Hufflepuff Firstie: *about two slytherins acting strangely about her* Dunno. Two big tough kids. All muscle and no brains.
    Ianto: You just described their entire Quidditch team.
  • In chapter 56, Jack and Ianto are playing around with the Room of Requirement and Jack wishes for Umbridge's clothes, letting her keep her underwear. Cut to:
    Dinner in the Great Hall had suddenly become a great deal more interesting.
  • Owen and Ianto's Quidditch Commentary. All of it.
    Owen: And on the Slytherin side, we've got Ogden, Stroulger, Urquhart, Travers, Crabbe, Goyle and Harper. So... that's five and a half mountain trolls, and a name-thief.
  • Harry goes to ask Jack for help getting a date that isn't psycho. Cue offers of poisoning, Nott having an "understanding" with Luna that would allow her to date Nott and go out as friends with Harry, and a discussion of Owen poisoning Wizarding minds by teaching them dirty Muggle words and everyone blaming Owen for everything.
    Zabini: That understanding being that she's crazy and in three months' time you'll technically be a paedophile?
  • When Snape uses the word 'master':
    Draco: We don't use that word in the dungeons anymore, Professor. Jack maims people for it.
  • This exchange in Chapter 80 is pure gold:
    Draco: So put me in detention! Report me to Dumbledore!
    Snape: You know perfectly well that I do not wish to do either of those things.
    Draco: You'd better stop telling me to come to your office then. People might get the wrong idea.
    Snape: You've been spending far too much time with that Harkness boy.
  • Owen's methods of psychological torture.
  • The first half of Chapter 94. Particularly the Polyjuice section and Jack's smirking.
  • The Will scene:
    Scrimgeour: But a Snitch would be a very good hiding place for a small object. You know why, I'm sure?
    Hermione: Can't imagine why. They're not hollow, are they? How would you even open one?
    Jack: *brightly* I can think of better places to hide small objects.
    Ron: No. No no no no no!
  • Jack (on seeing Ron play with the deluminator).
    I want a lightsaber.
  • Most of chapter 99.
    • Jack casually walking into the safehouse with cinnamon buns.
    • Then Lucius makes the mistake of mentioning that Bellatrix was given something that she referred to as 'precious'. Jack promptly goes to town with the references.
    Jack: Right... we need to find out where Bella's hiding her precious.
    • His suggestion to train a house elf to talk like Sméagol.
  • This line:
    Harry's POV: He only noticed Tosh turn and whisper something to Owen, because Owen was a dangerous creature you don't take your eyes off if you know what's good for you.
  • Harry as a woman, trying not to stare at his own breasts.
LuminosityFunny/FANFICManchester Lost

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