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The Magic Of Torchwood
Team Torchwood (Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, continuity compatible until after 'Adam') find an unusual artifact, which de-ages them to 11 years old. Then they receive a
Note to Self
from Jack, which says that they are about to experience something wonderful. The artifact, a crystal, takes them to Jack's apartment during the Summer of 1993, whereupon they receive Hogwarts letters. Let the magic begin...
Tropes: Actor Allusion: With a little Leaning on the Fourth Wall, in chapter 114, in reference to Ralph Fiennes portrayal of Voldemort. A Father to His Men: This is Jack all over. Almost Kiss: Jack and Ianto at the Yule Ball. Anti-Hero: Almost everyone, of one variety or another. Jack: Type III. Beginning to show signs of Type IV. Owen & Ianto: Type III Gwen & Tosh: Type II Harry: Moving towards Type III. Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Jack's Torchwood contract includes the phrases " high-risk situation", " dangerous artifact", " hostile forces" and " terrible flirt." Ascended Extra: Archie, head of Torchwood 2. Asshole Victim: Carol. Also Umbridge. The narration of her arrest includes this gem:
She didn't even try to resist. In fact...she was crying. It might almost seem sad, if it weren't for the fact that she so deservedly brought this fate upon herself.
Attractive Bent Gender: Harry, under the influence of Polyjuice. Authority Equals Asskicking: Dumbledore, Jack and Voldemort. Harry to a certain degree as head of the DA. Anything That Moves: John Hart and the poodle is regularly mentioned. Jack * Attention Deficit Creator Disorder: Even if, thanks to regular weekly updates, it doesn't show. Bad Ass: Most of the main cast. Particular marks to Jack, who easily holds off Bellatrix with only Super Reflexes and 3rd year spells for 5 minutes, allowing Sirius to snipe her with a stunner. Moody notes admiringly that he has serious combat experience and that it took 12 top Aurors to take her down last time. Moody references this incident later, saying its why Jack's one of the Seven Potters. Badass Abnormal: Jack, being immortal is this by even Wizard's standards. Ianto due to his status as an Animagus. By the same method, Sirius. Badass Adorable: Team Torchwood as kids. Badass Angster: Jack. Harry. Ianto. Badass Army: Dumbledore's Army. Particularly with the addition of the expertise of Team Torchwood. Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: Alien technology protects the pyramids. Berserk Button: For Jack, the words 'Master' and 'Freak'. "We don't use that word in the Dungeons anymore. Jack maims us for it." This from Deatheater Draco Malfoy. Beware the Nice Ones: Ianto. Just because he happens to be in Hufflepuff and is apparently harmless doesn't mean he isn't extremely dangerous, especially when he shows just how easily he could poison the entire school. Everyone smart is absolutely terrified of Ianto. Jack. People underestimate him at their peril. Bi the Way: Jack, since no alien species have turned up to provide credence to his omnisexuality. Theo Nott. Draco Malfoy. In a bonus scene, Jack describes Draco as straight, even while seducing him. Harry. Sort of. He's perfectly happy to kiss Jack just to see what kissing is like, but Jack dissuades him because Harry is Like a Son to Me. Blatant Lies: Jack claims that he's a vampire to escape a photographer. Team Torchwood doesn't deny that Past!Jack being Present!Jack's father is this. Brain Bleach: After talking to John Hart, Snape really needs a good Obliviator. Chivalrous Pervert: Jack Cloud Cuckoolander: Luna. Actually, This is how Luna is portrayed in a LOT of Fanfics, and the movies too, if I'm remembering right... Cool and Unusual Punishment: What happens to Umbridge. All of it. Also what Jack does to Mark Avery with duct tape. Cool Sword: The Sword of Gryffindor, especially now that it has been imbued with silver. the lightsabers Combat Pragmatist: Jack, especially what he does to Barty Crouch Jr. Combat Sadomasochist: Werewolf!Jack vs Fenrir Greyback has shades of this. Cute Bruiser: Team Torchwood Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Owen + fork and utility thereof. Gwen: He'll do it. I've seen him do it. Darker and Edgier: As compared to the original Potter series. Day in the Limelight: Plenty of more minor characters get scenes. Deadpan Snarker: Everyone has their moments, but its usually Ianto. Death Is Cheap: Jack all the way. Deus ex Machina: Take 3 guesses as to why the Doctor hasn't turned up (in a proper chapter). And the first 2 don't count. Distracted by the Sexy: Harry, by his breasts under the influence of Polyjuice. Dumb Muscle: Many Death Eaters, an opinion shared by both Jacks and Lucius Malfoy. Doing in the Wizard : John Hart's explanation of magic as understood by the 51st century. Yes, John Hart is a wizard, and a powerful one. Tremble ye mortals! The Don: by Deathly Hallows, Owen is the undisputed Don Corleone styled ruler of Hogwarts. Double Agent: Ianto becomes one The Dreaded: Voldemort and as of Chapter 73 Owen, known by the entire school as 'Owen Bloody Harper' after being the chief architect of Umbridge's downfall and mental breakdown. Enemy Mine: A less serious one between Ron and Malfoy when dealing with Umbridge. A deadly serious one in Chapter 86 between Harry and a not quite dead Draco Malfoy. Enfant Terrible: The general public's perception of Owen Bloody Harper. Ethical Slut: Present!Jack previously, Past!Jack currently. Evil Counterpart: Aside from the usual Harry and Voldemort, Jack and Captain John (though how evil he actually is is a matter up for debate). Fake Defector: Jack implies defection to Barty Crouch Jr. Then he knees him in the balls. Faking the Dead: Team Torchwood pull this on Draco Malfoy. Fantastic Racism: Towards muggle-borns. Also, the old Torchwood regime towards aliens Five-Man Band: A couple of these. Harry and Friends. Team Torchwood. Everyone Has Standards: Someone even Jack won't do? Umbridge. Owen and Tosh revel in the incredibility of this. Future Me Scares Me: More the possibility as shown by the Boggart. Of course, Jack being Jack, he flirts with it. "Funny Aneurysm" Moment: In-Universe. Jack jokes lightly about Dumbledore's attempts at getting in his head, after the third task, comparing it to sexual assault. Then Harry sort of curls up and says Voldemort essentially mind raped him. Leads to a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Gender Bender: Harry in chapter 116. Genre Savvy: Team Torchwood. Jack in particular. And he demonstrates this in chapter 80. Good Is Not Soft: Team Torchwood. Jack and Owen generally fall under Good Is Not Nice as well, it depends on their mood. This is kind of Torchwood's hat in the original show, so it's not all that surprising. Guile Hero: Jack and Ianto, Harry is becoming one under Jack's tutelage. Draco. Groin Attack: Jack vs Crouch Jr. Handsome Lech: Jack again. Half-Human Hybrid: Hagrid, Madame Maxime. Jack jokingly suggests that Snape is half Dementor and Owen claims Derrin Harper is part name stealer part mountain troll. He Who Fights Monsters: Jack's worst fear. Hidden Depths: It takes a special kind of hatred to cast the killing curse. Jack can do it. Historical Villain Upgrade: Implied about a Not Quite Dead Salazar Slytherin. Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Owen. Knight In Sour Armour: Owen. Jack under his cheerful mask. Draco's developing into this. La Résistance: Owen and Neville lead the fight against the Carrows. Large Ham: Present!Jack. Oh so much. Like a Son to Me: How Jack regards Harry. Mad Scientist: Salazar Slytherin Manipulative Bastard: Jack again. Witness how he plays the Wizarding World like a harp over Malfoy's death (and making it happen) until one of the DA proves to be the spanner in the works, in which some Xanatos Speed Chess follows. Also note how he draws Draco and Harry to him and gets them to work together. Memetic Badass: Owen in-universe, considered to be one of the few people who could conceivably deal with Voldemort after dealing with Umbridge. Mind Screw: The Fidelius charm on Jack's immortality has this effect. Mistaken for Gay: Jack is scandalized that anyone thinks he would restrict himself to one gender. Mr. Seahorse: John Hart. My Future Self and Me: Jack hangs around with his past self and with his worst possible future self (the boggart). They all get on disturbingly well. Noodle Incident: A given with Jack. Note to Self: Jack to Team Torchwood, then Gwen in the Adam chapter. Officer and a Gentleman: Jack, chivalrous to a fault, even when he's trying to seduce you. Oh Crap: Everyone in the April Fools chapter. Most people when they realise just how dangerous Jack is and when they realise he's immortal. Most reviewers when they find that Voldemort is looking for. The Immortality Gate. Older Than They Look: Both Jacks, all of Torchwood. Operation Jealousy: Ginny tries to pull one on Harry via Jack. Jack, being walking Genre Savvy, sees through this, and gives her some fatherly advice. Ginny and Harry hook up. Just as Jack planned. Running Gag: Several. Owen and the fork. Ianto and his various attempts to Silencio Owen (he eventually succeeds). Ianto snarkily referring to Sirius by every dog related nickname possible. e.g. Fido and Lassie. Jack's constant assertion: "I've dated worse." If there is a Noodle Incident that involves Jack, everyone's standard response is 'I don't want to know.' Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: An awesome one in chapter 94. Jack: You really don't want a dogfight with me... Scary Black Man: Kingsley, according to Gwen. Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right: Gryffindors as a matter of course. All of Team Torchwood. Draco Malfoy. Secret Keeper: Jack and Ianto via the Fidelius charm Self Cest: Jack. With his boggart. This surprised absolutely no one. She Is All Grown Up: Mentioned occasionally (especially in reference to Torchwood, who have all been de-aged), such as Gwen, who is noted by Jack in a She Cleans Up Nicely moment that she looks more like 15 than 12 during the Yule Ball and passing for 16/17 at the Department of Mysteries at age 13/14. Shout Out: Torchwood One are working on Project: Rebirth. And Jack has mentioned in the past that they tried to build a supersoldier out of him in the 70's. Snark Knight: Team Torchwood, Draco and Harry (less than the other two). Superpowered Evil Side: What Jack's evil future self is implied to be. Super Reflexes: Jack. Super Speed: Jack (to a small degree). Take That: Several small implied ones. Hermione and Ron belong together, according to the clarity concoction. Take a Third Option: Discussed, attempted, and averted when trying to get the locket. Voldemort thought of all the possible loopholes. Team Dad: Jack. Really obvious when he sets up Harry and Ginny. Team Mom: Gwen and Mrs Weasley. This Is Gonna Suck: When Jack commits suicide at the Department of Mysteries to get back up faster. Timey Wimey Ball: This is how Harry, Ron, and Hermione rob Gringotts Vitriolic Best Buds: Jack and Owen, Jack and Ron later on. Weapon of Choice: Jack's Webley and Owen's fork. For everyone, their wands. Wham Episode: Chapter 113 Who Wants to Live Forever?: Jack, who practically quotes it, though in reference to love offending Voldemort. Word Of God: Inevitable when the author is a troper. Xanatos Gambit: Jack Xanatos Speed Chess: Jack You Do Not Want To Know: Part of Jack's modus operandi. If it involves Jack, everyone's standard response is 'I don't want to know.' You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry: Jack's warnings and hints as to how horrifyingly dangerous he can be. He's backed it up on several occasions. He can cast the Killing Curse. This is not something easily done, and it requires a certain sort of hatred. Even John Hart is impressed, and disturbed.