Funny / From Fake Dreams

  • Many of the scenes involving Sirius, especially when you recall he was made in the image of The Scotsman in Samurai Jack.
    • Being overpowered by a drunken Taiga because he gave her his 'special beer'.
    • The two Omake scenes of Louvre using unusual torturing methods to get him to make him a Mystic Code.
    • Convincing Lancer to go out with him for a drink.
      "Reinforcing booze? You genius!" The spearman roared in approval. "Why the hell didn't I think of that when I was alive?! I love this bastard!"
      "Yer not so bad yerself blueboy!" Sirius laughed, already getting along far too well with the heroic spirit for Bazett to feel comfortable with.
  • Archer EMIYA's reaction to being in this universe and realizing that this world's Shirou is pretty similar to him already in terms of looks and powers and that he needs to do something to prevent people from making the connection. Rin suggests he shave his hair since he should have no problems conjuring up something to do the job, The next line after this just makes it so perfect.
    Even without getting into any fights yet, Archer had already decided that he hated this new world.
  • Saber's possessiveness regarding her Suzuki Hayabusa.
    • And Taiga's reaction when she finds out Saber can ride it.
    • With this grand finale:
      "Fine. I'll ignore it for now. Just please don't let anyone see you on that thing. A bunch of gramp's men would go nuts if they saw someone other than Shirou riding it."
      Shirou nodded, silently patting himself on the back for putting on the rune sequences that make it easy for normal people nearby to ignore the bike as it ran.
  • Rin, Sakura and the Edelfelt sisters along with their butler showing up at Shirou's home to get help for a business deal at the same time Bazett is crashing there. It can't be summed up with words.
    • Taiga showing up during negotiations and mistaking it for Shirou buying a harem from a Yakuza, deciding Shirou needs to be punished and attacking with the cursed Tora Shinai. (Though, technically, it isn't Tora Shinai but a near-permanent copy made by Shirou. The real one was dismantled by Kirei on Rin's request.)
  • Merem Solomon (the 20th Dead Apostle Ancestor) telling Lancer (who is part-god) how much he would like to partake in such high-quality blood as his.
    Lancer: [stepping back nervously] Wait, are you saying that because I'm part god my blood acts like an aphrodisiac to you?
    Merem: No. More like an extremely tasty and rare meal that is literally impossible to obtain in this day and age that has nothing that can possibly match it. It is rather addicting to those who are fortunate enough to have ever tasted such an unrivaled blessing on the organ that we call tongues. Not to mention the rush we get from drinking blood of such quality is indescribable to those who do not share our physiology. Blood of your particular quality is unheard of in this day and age. I have no doubt that Van-Fem would be willing to pay a small fortune for just a single well preserved bottle of yours.
    Lancer: Well it's good to know that Apostles have good taste in people, but I'm afraid that my neck is not… [notices that Bazett is staring at him]
    Lancer: Oi, Master? What exactly are you thinking?
    Bazett: A small fortune...
    Lancer: Ok. Hold up. Both of you. Can we get back on track please? For example, that half-dead kid who nearly got killed by one of the strongest legends out there on magical steroids is still out there.
  • In chapter 26, the Edelfelt sisters attacked the Matou manor, burning it down in the process. In chapter 27, Shirou and Sakura stay home (at Shirou's), so Taiga has a classmate bring them the homework. Her choice? LUVIAGELITA EDELFELT. Princess!Caster's reaction is priceless.
    Unnoticed by all, the Princess displayed a rare moment of frustration and put her face in her hands in despair. Hopefully Saber and Rider would not hold a grudge for last night's events and… Oh who was she kidding? She was doomed.
  • Chapter 27's omake shows Kirei saving an American tourist during the clean-up of Louvre's familiars and why Kirei and the Church hate Hollywood.
    The American Tourist commenting on Kirei's technique: "Holy fuck it's Wolverine!"
  • From chapter 30, Bazett's reaction to her new legs. Who consider her their mommy.
  • From chapter 31:
    • After a chilling description of Sakura's nightmare, we get this:
    • After that, Taiga asks if Sakura's lack of sleep is owed to her having sex with Shirou all night long.
      Shirou and Sakura looked at one another skeptically. Technically they HAD done what Taiga was jokingly insinuating, along with other surreal and potentially illegal activities, but they weren't going to tell her that…
      "No, Sensei." Sakura smiled sincerely. "We were just talking about the secret war and conspiracies that we are currently involved in that may or may not involve our violent deaths in the near future."

      ... Or maybe they were.
      Refuge in Audacity. The nobles of the Association do not use this tactic when dealing with secrets, probably because they gave people the impression that they sucked at humor and imaginative sarcasm to pull it off believably. Other than them though, it was still very commonly used among everyone else involved in their world.''
    • How did Shirou react to Sakura getting away with that?
      "Scary…" Shirou shivered at the girl's ability to get around sensitive situation. The more he saw it, the easier it was for him to believe that she was Rin's sister.
    • Luvia and Princess!Caster's reactions when Shirou is forced to explain that Gilgamesh wants Saber as his queen.
    • The scene between Bazett, Lancer and Merem. With Bazett continuously threatening Lancer to use a Command Seal to have him sodomize himself.
      • ..which is just plain nasty. Seriously, a heart pierced by Gae Bolg will never heal, even if it's a god's. That means any ass reamed by the spear will never tighten...
      • ...and also considering his legend in the fight against Ferdiad...
  • From chapter 32:
    • Taiga meeting Illya out in the night. This is just the start.
      Illya: If it's so dangerous then why are you out, sensei?
      Taiga: [flinching because she was just walking around out of boredom] Urk! Ah well... you know. Just walking around to see if I can help out some friends with... stuff...
      Illya: Stuff?
      Taiga: Grownup stuff. Things kids like you shouldn't bother yourselves with.
      Illya: Really? You mean like the time I once went to see mommy and daddy in their room and they were naked and...
      Taiga: Waa! Different stuff! Different stuff!
    • Following this exchange, Illya dupes Taiga into bringing her to Shirou's home for a snack (with Taiga reasoning the lost little foreign girl would tickle his fancy of being a superhero), and Taiga warns Illya to not let herself caught in the harem of stereotypes Shirou is building for himself note . The latter claim causes Illya to be terrified of Taiga.
  • Chapter 33:
    • Taiga's sequence is beyond description.
    • Sakura's reaction to Rider telling her of Zouken's death:
    Sakura: Rider, as much as you seem to be enjoying this, and I can indeed tell you are, can you please start from the beginning and not be so mysterious? While being told that Grandfather is dead is great news, I'm afraid I'm too tired and confused to be any more shocked than I currently am.
    Rider: Do you wish for me to do so before or after you get some coffee?
    Sakura: Hopefully, after. Thank you.
  • Chapter 37: As Lorelei Barthomeloi walks through through the Sealing Designates' cell area, the narration hints that one of them is there for making Pokémon.
  • Chapter 38 has Rin using her second Command Seal to force Archer to speak full, accurate, and elaborated truths, rather than the technical truths, half-truths, and outright lies that he'd been telling her. Though most of what he tells her is as horrifying as one would expect, given who he is, he does take a small measure of revenge by showing them how he could identify Gae Bolg accurately: taking off his armor and showing them the scar he received from it, stretched across his very muscular chest. Rin, Luvia and Princess-Caster are all stunned speechless by the sight.
  • Sella offers to do the dishes after a meal prepared by Shirou, and gets hit with a speech in which Shirou patiently explains that the list of people he allows into his kitchen is shorter than the list of people he allows in his workshop, and she has not proven herself worthy of setting foot in there, even though she has no intention of trying to cook anything. What makes it so funny is the fact that Shirou is completely serious.
  • Practically every time Taiga stops by Shirou's house, sees a female she didn't expect inside, and starts overreacting.
  • Chapter 41:
    • The fabulous belt, with its sword shaped gems which this troper visualized as Goku Uniforms star marks from Kill la Kill, and everyone's comments about it:
    "But you look ridiculous!" Illya couldn't tear her eyes from the gems. There was a time and place for showing off one's affluence and now was certainly not it. "You're supposed to be a badass mercenary, not some hip hop poser from States showing off your bling!"
    "My eyes are up here." For the love of all that was decent he prayed that Sakura and Saber found the sleeve for his belt soon. The last thing he needed was for Gilgamesh to be fixated on his crotch region when they started to fight.
    • How Archer gets whipped by Luvia, Princess!Caster and Rin:
    "I'll prepare the tea," Archer excused himself, completely unaffected by the day's events unlike the others.
    "DAMN STRAIGHT YOU WILL!" All three women shouted at him at the same time just as he disappeared around the corner.
    • Most of the moments can be summed up in one word : "Waffles".
      • During his preparations of the Einzbern manor for the War, Shirou made alterations to their plans for the kitchen. Including a waffle iron for Illya, enough first-rate kitchen gear to allow Shirou to continue cooking up to his usual standards while there if he ends up staying there, and a walk-in industrial freezer large enough to hold Berserker.
      • That and the resulting omake.
      • Also doubles with a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, since it prompts Illya, who is far more bitter and wary of Shirou in this timeline, into uttering this line :
    Illya: ... Best. Onii-chan. EVER.
  • Chapter 42: So Rin prepares this huge magic array for an awesome spell that should, if not end the fight right there, at least give her and Luvia an edge. In the meantime, Luvia frantically tries to keep Bazett at bay, and herself outside of the array, especially with Rin being ominous and simply stating "You'll live". And then, it turns out to be something outright ripped from High School D×D, a stripping spell not unlike "Dress Break", which came from a book penned by Zelretch three hundred years ago.
  • Chapter 44 Omakes:
    • Why Illya didn't spend much time with Shirou when arriving (because the bombs went off and totaled Einzbern Castle, or what was left of it)
    • Why Saber didn't feel like talking much after leaving the Castle (because she left her precious bike in the wrecked castle's garage)
  • Chapter 46: Shirou vows to subject Witch!Caster and maybe Assassin to a very, very painful and merciless death. They messed with his kitchen, and rigged it with traps. Saber readily agrees.
    But by far the worst of the traps was…
    Shirou: They will die. Slowly. Painfully. I will show no mercy.
    Rin: They just had to rig the kitchen. As if they didn't give him enough reasons to be pissed.
    Rin sighed, ignoring the aura of pure murder hovering around Shirou as he held the brick of C4 in his hand, diffused thanks to a few cut wires.
    Luvia: Well given who Assassin is, it does make some sense.
    Luvia laughed nervously, slowly edging away from the teen.
    Saber: Molesting a chef's kitchen. Such sacrilege was not tolerated even in my time.
    Saber seemed to be on the same wavelength as her Master, though that may be simply because if Shirou lost his kitchen he wouldn't be able to cook anywhere as adequately for her for a while.
  • Chapter 47 has this exchange between Witch!Caster and Archer:
    Luvia: Why have you graced us with your attention, Caster? Surely you have faith in Assassin.
    Caster: I have faith he will do all that he can to countermand my orders. It appears we all have learned that Servants who bear the name Emiya are rather arduous to control.
    Archer: We also apparently have a tendency to get frequently summoned by irrational women.
  • Chapter 48 has several :
    • When Lancer offers a drink to Shirou once the battle is over, he replies he is underage.
    • The brick comes back quickly as Merem gives Shirou a quick boost for effort... a vial of Lancer's blood. Let me rephrase : a vial of an Irishman who was so inebriated his blood is naturally saturated in alcohol. Shirou nearly throws up upon downing it.
    • Archer's crass Double Entendre with how Witch!Caster likes to take red sticks from behind. Shirou is not amused.
    Archer: From what I've been told, you have a habit of taking it from behind, and the opportunity presented itself. I couldn't help myself.
    Archer shrugged.
    Archer: This makes it the third time, right?
    Shirou: Really?
    Shirou deadpanned, finally breaking his silence and taking a few steps away from the Servant.
  • Chapter 49 has Shirou joke that women's legs will now be a turnoff for him after the beating Rider gave him. Rider's response is to become indigent and sulky for several minutes and mentally complain that swords will be her turnoff. Then she does a mental double-take at her own thought process.
    • Rin of course, notices this immediately and complains about Shirou adding "another one". Merem laughs his ass off at the sight, and Shirou remains oblivious.
  • Chapter 49's omake.
  • Chapter 50 :
    • Saber states that even with how much Shirou loves Kiritsugu, he WILL end him if he dares set foot in his kitchen again, topping it with the implication that only at such times would what normal people refer to "survival instincts" kick in for Shirou.
    • Saber and Shirou's mutual teasing : everyone decided to crash at Shirou's place, Shirou blanches, Saber states that if he has anything to say about this he should take it with them, to which Shirou calls her out on not bailing him out of a dangerous situation, and to which Saber answers she gave up since she understood she would never be able to stop Shirou. All in the best of moods, of course.
    • Archer going over the situation in his head, mulling how This Is Gonna Suck being stuck as Rin's Servant, and having to deal with his younger counterpart in this timeline, who somehow hates him MORE than Archer hated canon Shirou, along with Ilya and Kiritsugu. Yet, he still states in his thoughts that he really wants to see how Shirou will cope up with being involved in the ensuing chaos, probably because as he said to Princess!Caster, he only has the little things left.