Funny / Respect a Woman

• The survivors encounter a witch. Luckily, they know what to do.
  Charger: "Assume witchhunting positions."
  • (Smoker and Charger cover Hunter's and Jockey's mouths and drag them past the witch).
• Hunter dealing with annoying cowboys:
  Cowboy: Ain't you a little coarse for a gal?"
  Hunter: (Groin Attack) "Ain't your balls a little punched for a man?"
  Smoker: "Another one? You need to stop doing that."
• Hunter is easily distracted by bubblewrap.
  Smoker: "Having fun?"
  Hunter: "Shh."
• Sims versions of the survivors and David, Charger's husband were made. David was promptly killed, as per canon. Hunter, Jockey, and Smoker kept going to Charger, who would comfort them about his death. Any version of Charger is The Stoic.
• Hunter and Smoker are chatting, and Hunter asks Smoker if she's ever loved anyone. Smoker replies that she did, and still does, love a man named Marlboro.
• Smoker squeeing over the Midnight Riders.
• Smoker puts on a song and starts dancing and singing to it before she notices Hunter watching her.
  Smoker: "God#$%$ IT you @#$% ing learn to knock."
  Hunter: "Oh don’t stop airguitaring on my account! You were in the middle of some epic windmills!"
• Hunter hurt herself and is lying on Smoker's lap while Smoker rubs her back. Smoker stops rubbing her back.
  Hunter: "Keep petting or die."
• Smoker and Hunter are ordering lunch in a restaurant:
  Smoker: "I'll have the sirloin burger with onions. Rare."
  Hunter: "No onions."
  Smoker: "What?"
  Hunter: "No onions. I don't like them."
  Smoker: "It's my burger."
  Hunter: "Well I'm going to wind up eating half of it so no onions."
• When Boomer, Witch, and Tank (more survivors) met Psychopro, Tank ended throwing him overboard.
• In the mobster AU, when Smoker and Hunter have just signed on with Charger, Jockey, and the rest of Charger's gang:
  Jockey: "Oh yeah I almost forgot, Miss Charger said if you steal anything she’s going to break all your fingers. See you at dinner! <3"
  Smoker: "...I can respect that."
• When Hunter gets in a fight and messes up her sweater, Smoker takes the time to sew it back together. She then embroiders the Meow Mix song on the back.
• When the Survivors, who are traveling with Psychopro, start discussing their periods, he ends up running off screaming.
  Hunter: "#$%@, if I’d known it was that easy I would have done it hours ago. "
  Charger: "So immature for a grown man."
  Jockey: "Wow."
  Smoker: (smirks)
• At the beginning of the Cured AU, the scientist and his team lure Jockey out with a bouncy horse. Jockey tries to ride it like a survivor. It's hard to tell, but she seems to be enjoying herself.
• When Psychopro and Charger are talking about David:
  Psychopro: "In fact, I probably could have saved (your husband)-"
  Smoker: (clobbers him)
  Hunter: "Dude, I was gonna do that!"
  Smoker: "Who says we gotta stop."
  Charger: "Uh..."
• Charger walks in on Smoker and Hunter having sex.
  Charger: "...Uh huh. When you two are finished, come back outside. I want to discuss our route tomorrow." (exits)
  (Beat)
  Hunter: "Uh... At least she's cool with it?"
  Smoker: "I'm never going outside again."
• Then there's what happens if Jockey interrupts them.
  (later)
  Jockey: "Sorry for walking in on you guys, I didn’t know-"
  Smoker: "I don't want to talk about it."
  (Beat)
  Jockey: "Y’know I woulda thought you’d be on top, you seem like-"
  Smoker: "JUST #$%@ SHUT IT."
• Charger being stubborn is a fine source of comedy. For example:
  Hunter: "Charger you took like three adrenalines today, you should go to sleep. You can take the last shift if you want but seriously go to sleep."
  Charger: "I’m fine I’m going to and I can I’ll go and keep and then it’s fine."
  Hunter: "What?"
  Charger: "Have to and I’m going it’s fine."
  Hunter: "3-2-" (Charger passes out)
• The My Neighbor Totoro crossover AU has a great deal of these. A highlight is Hunter meeting the catbus. Note: These quotes are not consecutive.
  Hunter: "NOOO COME BACK KITTY BUS!"
  Hunter: "THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE!"
  Hunter: "omg it's like lying on a giant purring mattress."
• There are a few sketches of Smoker as a stoner as well as a smoker. It's quite an amusing contrast to her usual nature. Then Hunter gets at some of her brownies...
  Hunter: "What, was something wrong with them?"
  Smoker: "Well, not wrong exactly, but... uh..."
  Hunter: "How stoned am I going to be in an hour."
  Smoker: "You might wanna go lie down."
• Jockey starts singing Nicely Nicely Rocking The Boat and Smoker joins in, finishes the song with her, and then realizes what she just did. Her face is priceless.
• Smoker's all bundled up against the cold, and Jockey comes along:
  Smoker: "Haah haah @#$%ing @#$% this %$#@ cold."
  (Jockey cuddles up to her)
  Smoker: "What no go away. I don’t want no cuddles beat it I'd rather freeze. Stupid cold don’t need a stupid kid sitting on me you ain’t even warm or nothing shoo. Grump grump grump grump. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Zzzzzzzzzzzz."
• Smoker tries to carry a sleeping Hunter somewhere else, but falls over trying because she's such a lightweight.
• Hunter tries to braid Jockey's hair. She fails.
  Jockey: "Uh, What are you doing back there?"
  Hunter: "Uh, when I said I knew how to braid I lied."
• The vampire AU has some excellent moments. For example:
  Smoker: (on the phone to Hunter): "C’mon, you gotta come over tonight. I’m starving here."
  Hunter: "I dunno, I’m real busy."
  Smoker: "This isn’t a joke, you know. I could die."
  Hunter: "First you gotta say it."
  Smoker: "No."
  Hunter: "Say it! Or I’ll just stay home. This show looks real interesting."
  Smoker: (facepalm) "…I want to suck your blood."
  Hunter: "No, do the accent!"
• Hunter convinces Smoker to be a little more active in the bedroom:
  Smoker: (grabs Hunter’s boob)
  Sound effect: Honk
  Hunter: "Try a little harder."
  Sound effect: Honk honk
  Smoker: "What, you got a manual or something? Because I could use it."
• In the cowboy AU Smoker gets tagged by a skunk when she’s getting water for Charger. The others have to drag her to a bath.
• Zombie!Charger decides to protect a tunnel of love swanboat from the survivors. She also cuddles up in a pile of stuffed elephants.
• Infected!Hunter is playing with infected!Smoker’s neckbags and accidentally deflates one of them. Smoker goes from bored and aloof to Oh, Crap!.
• When the survivors are scavenging for food:
  Charger: "The twinkies are all right of course, all the preservatives, not that it’ll do us much good. The only food that’s still good is junk food. This is terrible!"
  Smoker: "Yeah that’s real terrible alright."
  (Charger leaves)
  Hunter: "This isn’t terrible at all is it."
  Smoker: "No it’s really not."
• Hunter Cannot Spit It Out.
  Hunter: (mentally) Tell her! Tell her! Tell her! Tell her right now!
  Smoker: "Alright, I’m going to sleep."
  Hunter: "OKAY GOODNIGHT"
  Hunter: (mentally) WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
• Charger not wanting to sleep is given a callback in the Cured AU.
  Charger: (obviously exhausted) “m’awake, I can do it.
  Mousey: "A little… nap… p-please…"
  Charger: "m’awake, ’m fine."
  Hunter: (slams Charger’s face into the table) "SLEEEEP!"
• Cured!Charger's still getting used to her arm.
  Charger: "Oh, Angie, you have an eyelash on your cheek. I think I can get it." (pokes her in the eye)
• In the cured AU, Mousey writes out a note to give to Hunter because she doesn’t want to confront her directly. Smoker then points out that Hunter’s blind. Her reaction is priceless.
• Another example from the Cured AU is Smoker's ex, Juan, attempting to reintroduce himself to her, as she, like most of the cured, has a spotty memory of her past at best. His attempt is...um. Not Good. [1]◊
  Juan: You know, Juan Rivera? Your ex-boyfriend? We met at that concert? Played guitar together? Broke up like a year later? You called me a controlling jack@$$ and said you never wanted to see...me...again...
  Smoker: (Silent glare)
  Juan: (to himself as he face palms) God@#%it, Juan, she doesn't remember anything, why would you tell her we were #%@holes to each other, start over for Christ's sake.
  Juan: Okay, so! You don't remember anything, so let's start over, okay? I'm Juan, we knew each other once. I'm glad you're alive, pretty much everyone else I know is gone. So, you're a Smoker, huh? That must be tough. You know, I'm volunteering to help zombies like you, just want to do my part and all...looks like you still don't say much, huh.
  Smoker: (silently gestures to her bandaged throat)
  Juan:(facepalm the second) RIGHT, Smoker's can't talk, I knew that. God@#%@it Juan.