Funny / Fate/Sunny Order

It's a Crack Fic. Of course it's gonna be a riot.

Main Chapters

Chapter One

• The entire fic starts with Ritsuka despairing over getting Black Keys for his summoning attempt. Again.
• Upon hearing about Psuedo-Servants from El-Melloi II, Ritsuka considers the possibility of summoning his parents as Psuedo-Servants. He then considers Kana summoning their parents as Psuedo-Servants and shudders.
• Nobunaga shows Cu and the comatose Ritsuka her brand new bomb (made from oranges). Cu immediately stabs it and sets it off.
  Nobunaga: Why this?
  Cu: Because I'm not a dog.
  • When the bomb goes off, Cu handily dodges it thanks to Protection from Arrows. This is technically high-quality Fridge Brilliance because a bomb is also, in the most technical of senses, a projectile weapon, as the explosion turns the bomb's original casing into flying shrapnel, which qualifies as something the skill can nullify.

Chapter Two

• Kana walks out of her shower to find Mashu in her room in dogeza position after rejecting Ritsuka's Love Confession.
  • Ritsuka himself isn't any better, being buried under blankets in his room.
• Ritsuka can't get over the fact that Leonardo Da Vinci is a woman. And a bully.
• Kana's reaction to Altera:
  Kana looks at her. Looks her up at down. Her Saber servant. A girl slightly shorter than her. With strange tattoos all over her body while wearing a small leotard. Someone with white hair and red eyes and a sword that looks like it came from space. Is Atilla the fucking Hun.
  
  The Scourge of God is a goddamn magical girl.
  • She later introduces Altera to Medea. She thinks the Saber is cute.
• Mashu walking in on Ritsuka being forced to wear a dress, courtesy of Leonardo da Vinci.
• Ritsuka counter-tormenting Kana over her curvy body.

Chapter Three

• Medea introduces Altera to the concept of "cute". The Scourge of God takes to it like a duck to water.
• Ritsuka apologizes for bullying Kana and the two make up for their earlier argument. That lasts until Kana manages to summon Arturia.
  “I hate you,” Ritsuka says, the day darker now.
  • Kanna's next summon? EMIYA. Ritsuka and Arturia respond appropriately.
  “...You are fucking me,” Ritsuka sighs. The red man looks at him, one kinked eyebrow raised. “You are actually fucking me.”

  “Language, Ritsuka,” Saber says firmly. She works her jaw. “I have to concur however what in the hell are you doing here, Red Archer?”
  • Arturia declares that the Tohsaka siblings have to learn how to cook. After EMIYA gets summoned, her second question is to ask if he still knows how to cook.
• Cu apparently stole some of Medea's models, and the Caster takes it as well as expected.
• EMIYA and Cu's bickering, leading to them duking it out in Chaldea's hallways.
  • In the chaos, Ritsuka demands an explanation from Caster...and both she and Arturia are gone. Cut to Medea and Altera, running off with the poor Saber chained up and held above Altera's head.
  And so the King feels the fear deep inside the Buckingham, knowing the fate that awaits her.

Chapter Four

• Arturia meets Okita in Medea's temple, and both are excited to meet the other and potentially spar. Neither can figure out why the other looks so familiar, though.
  • It turns out that Medea regularly kidnaps poor Okita for obvious reasons. E-Rank Magic Resistance doesn't help against a cute-obsessed Magus from the Age of Gods.
• When Arturia finds out that Kana introduced Altera to Medea, the Saber vows to spank her ruthlessly.
• Altera pretty much becomes Medea's minion thanks to their shared love of cute.
• Arturia telling Medea that she is an otaku, much to the latter's dismay.
• Romani, Da Vinci, and Kana making Metal Gear Solid references much to Ritsuka's chagrin.
• The fight in Medea's temple has a few:
  • Nobunaga arrival involves her bursting though the wall and giving a hammy villain speech... and then the warlord bites her tongue, ruining the moment.
  “’M FINE!” Nobu turns around with muskets in each hand. “I’M FINE SHUT UP LETS FIGHT!”
  • Medea distracts Mash with an illusion of Ritsuka in drag.
  • Nobu channels Councillor Vay Hek as she unveils her latest bomb... right before Altera stabs it.
  “Why this again,” Nobu whimpers.
  “I don’t understand,” Attila says back.
  There is a loud explosion. All is drowned out in white.
• Kana and Arturia melodramatically mourning Okita.
• We get a good look at how Ritsuka Tohsaka keeps order in Chaldea when he finds Medea and Nobu: Namely, he puts both of them in an iron claw hold.
  • While Ritsuka reams out the Archer for making another bomb, she only has this to say.
  Nobu: BOMBS ARE GOOD BOMBS ARE GREAT LET GO OF MY SKULL OR IT WILL BREAK
  • Nobu keeps getting her punishment (time as Da Vinci's guinea pig) extended by constantly talking back.
  • Ritsuka mentally throws up his hands when he realizes that he has to teach morality to Atilla the Hun.
• Heracles gives Medea a withering Disapproving Look. Even Ritsuka starts feeling bad for her.
• At the end of of the chapter, it looks like the dust has settled, the yelling has stopped, and the punishments have been handed out...and then we get this:
  "...I'm sorry I used that illusion of you in drag to distract Shielder," Caster whispers.
  "It's okay, Cas—wait you what."​

Chapter Five

• The Tohsaka siblings bullying Arturia over her relationship with Sir Kay. Even Emiya and Heracles join in.
• It turns out that after The Stinger of the last chapter, Ritsuka downgraded Medea's temple from closet-sized to a shoebox. By literally throwing one at her.
• Marie suggests a way to make it up to Ritsuka, and Medea guesses it'll be cake.
• Medea confesses to Atalanta that she was so obsessed with stuff like revenge and whatnot that she forgot how to make sweets and pancakes, much to the latter's bewilderment.
  Atalanta: ...How? You loved making them! We enjoyed a feast on the Argo every time we rested ashore! You made so many I'm fairly certain that the seabed is still mostly pancake batter! (Frowns thoughtfully) In retrospect, we shouldn't have done that. It was a lot of waste.
  Medea: I've had a lot on my mind since the divorce, okay?! A-And I haven't baked anything in… in centuries! Millennia, even!
  Atalanta: What, not even on the Throne?
  Medea: I was a bit busy plotting eternal undying vengeance on that damnable egocentric pig.
  Atalanta: Wow, you have issues.
• The running gag of people (mostly Medea) petting Atalanta's ears.
  Medea: Sorry, force of habit.
  Atalanta: I never had these ears on the Argo there is no habit.
• Marie whines about how eating so many test cakes will make her fat... until Atalante points out that Servants can't get fat.
  Marie: Whaaaaaaat?! But then what’s the point of gorging on twelve trays of cake?!
  Atalante: To start with shouldn’t you limit yourself to a single slice? για χάρη, french people...
• Medea offers Leonidas a slice of cake. His opinion is best summed up by the Caster's flummoxed reaction:
  “...The King of Spartans just ate our cake and dropped laconic before leaving to punch a waterfall.” She frowns, looking at the cake. “That’s a first.”
• Medea starts a rivalry with EMIYA over cooking. As far as we know, he always wins their matches.

Chapter Six

• Arturia has been to Cornwall in the modern day. It got awkward fast.
  Arturia: It is perfectly legitimate to introduce yourself as Arthur, King of the Britons when you are Arthur, King of the Britons. They overreacted.
• Kana suggests that EMIYA's current look is due to a contract with Alaya, and even makes a bet that the next Counter Guardian Chaldea summons will also be a "ganguro guy".
  • EMIYA stating that Alaya is timeless and “an actual sociopath.”
• Turns out Kana is enough of a dork to name her Azoth Blade Asriel. No, not after the biblical figure, but after the Undertale character.
• Kana asks to learn EMIYA's fighting style, and the Archer has this to say:
  "It is a suicidal style, requiring one to be good at reading opponents, planning multiple steps ahead while in mortal danger, and be an actual idiot.” Which is exactly why only Emiya Shirou could create it, he adds quietly with a sigh.
  • When Kana insists, EMIYA suddenly realizes that the Master takes after him (or at least, his Alternate Self) and has a minor Freak Out.

Chapter Seven

• Dr. Roman, dealing with a stack of paperwork Ritsuka just handed him, asks Magi☆Mari for advice. She's less than helpful:
  “Kill yourself!” the virtual idol chirps from his desktop in an all-too cutesy fashion, “Tee hee~☆”
• Poor Roman ends up being a test subject for one of Da Vinci's inventions when he goes to visit her.
• Roman screws up when trying to console Mashu over her awkward relationship with Ritsuka. Fou proceeds to attack him.
  There is no resolution here. Just an incredible void of awkwardness. And an irate ball of fluff, going for the eyes.
• Roman and Ritsuka arguing over Magi☆Mari. Merlin is laughing his ass off over it.

Chapter Eight

• EMIYA giving his alternate son advice about dealing with women. And the moment he mentions Illya, he immediately backtracks over having a sister.
  • More specifically, he outright calls Ritsuka an eroge protagonist. Ritsuka's first response is to immediately deny the possibility of a sister route.
    • As it turns out, Kana is just as disgusted at the idea of a "sibling route" as her brouther is.
  • Ritsuka states that he's "elegant and graceful as a Tohsaka should be". EMIYA is naturally doubtful given his own experiences with a Tohsaka.
• It turns out that Ritsuka had a legion of fangirls that he never knew about. Kana did, though, on account of having to fight them off.
  • Kana, meanwhile, apparently throw a would-be suitor out of a window. It apparently did nothing to dissuade future attempts from others.
• When Mashu attempts to dissuade d'Eon from trying to date Ritsuka, the French Saber proposes a threesome. By the time the conversation is over, Mashu is unconscious on the floor, twitching and with a nosebleed.
  • Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when it turns out that Mashu fantasizes about being seduced by a spy. She got her wish, alright...
  • D'Eon is just as forward when they finally confront Ritsuka with their feelings, and ends up reducing him to a stammering wreck when they start straddling him. They're not even disappointed when they realize Ritsuka isn't ready, only promising a Menage A Trois with themself and Mashu once he is.

Chapter Nine

• The Opening Narration for this chapter seems different...
• Gilgamesh. Just... Gilgamesh.
  "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are his children? THEIR CHILDREN?! Audacious! Hilarious! I have not known such merriment in ages!" He looks back down, pointing at Kana. The girl, idiot she is, doesn't even flinch. "You, I like." Gilgamesh turns to Ritsuka, the boy jumping in his skin. "You... Beware."
  "...Beware wha—" is all he manages, before Gilgamesh grabs him in a bear hug and throws him back in a suplex.
• Ritsuka gets a moment of sheer Brass Balls by calling Gil's armor tacky. Gil agrees, leading to the grand return of "AUO: CAST OFF!"
  • Poor Kana's reaction brings a certain Devil Lancer to mind...
  “No, it’s cool,” Kana says. Face frozen in terror, she still manages to give a shaky thumbs up. “This is fiiiiine. I’m totally okay with this. There is nothing wrong with the events that are currently unfolding before me." She screams silently, like a deflating balloon. Oh, look, she hit her limit. Great.
  • How does Arturia retort when Gil shows her his, erm, package?
    Arturia: I've had better. Merlin, for all his faults, was quite an artist.
    (Awkward pause and clarification on what she meant)
    Gilgamesh: I am going to slap that fucking wizard.
  • Cu's response to Gilgamesh's taunting? Tear off his own bodysuit and bare himself as well. Cue naked wrestling match, and an even greater hormonal overload for Kana.
• Medea finally gets to pet Atalante's cat ears. Good Kitty!

Chapter Ten

• Okita describes her fighting style thustly:
  “I mean, it’s like a whoosh and a clang and a yaaa and then gwaaaa and then HAAAAAA and then BANG and then I win! Yay, great victory!” Okita briefly gets caught up in her own explanation and cheers. She quickly returns to earth with a blush. “A-And that’s about it, I think?! I-I mean, I don’t know?!! I just shout SANDANZUKI a lot and I win?!!”
• EMIYA goes Mama Bear when Cu brings up the wrestling match from last chapter.
• Ritsuka finally summons two Servants himself; unfortunately for him, one of them is Stheno.
  • Ritsuka manages to piss off his new assassin by saying he's not into children and that flat is not justice. He only has enough time to make a panicked call to Kana before Smile of the Stheno hits him.
  • Kana tries the diplomatic approach to save Ritsuka... at least until Stheno calls her a cow. Cue Herakles.
  • Ritsuka gets another stunning moment of diplomacy when he agrees with Stheno that Kana is a troll. Even Herk thinks he deserves to get smacked for that.
• Nobu challenged Gil to a fight off-screen. The result? A draw with both of them down for the count thanks to another bomb.
  • Ritsuka is initially happy about this since it means he doesn't need to do anything... then Gilgamesh suplexes him.
    “How,” Ritsuka rasps.
    “You’re still wide open, Master,” Gilgamesh says, then laughs. “My eyes burn BUT MY HEART BURNS HOTTER!”
    Kana ponders it. She shrugs. “That’s bullshit, but I believe it.”

Chapter Eleven

• All the Servants from the Fifth Grail War agree that Shinji was useless.
• The Fifth Grail War recap session is interrupted by Arturia and Medea starting a fight, with Atalanta and Altera joining in.
  • The male Servants, meanwhile, all take a drink courtesy of Gilgamesh.
  • Right before Ritsuka barges in angrily, having heard an explosion, they clean up. Then he leaves...
  When he's finally gone, Saber throws her teacup away and clutches at her head, in perfect sync with Caster. "OH MY GOD THAT WAS HORRIBLE," Arturia wails.
  "I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE SHOEBOX," Medea cries out hysterically.
  "SCARE IS NOT CUTE," Altera weeps, sobbing uncontrollably.
  Atalanta rolls her eyes, still face down on the table. "Meh. What he doesn't know won't hurt him."
• Kana pops up out of nowhere on Gil's lap after spelunking in the Gate of Babylon. He later puts her back inside, with her screaming "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED" as the portal swallows her.
• Gil has an actual fidget spinner in his treasury. It's even colored like Ea! Before this EMIYA replied in sarcasm calling EA a fidget spinner when Cu asks about his tracing abilities.

Chapter Twelve

• The chapter begins with Ritsuka losing at XCOM: Long War, much to Kana's amusement.
• Mashu, trying to take Ritsuka's mind off videogames, suggests watching Cardcaptor Sakura. Ritsuka is less than enthused.
• Part 3 can basically be summed up as multiple Servants attempting to console poor Jeanne over Giles going mad and becoming a child-murdering monster, only for the subject to shift to the fact that Arturia had apparently been banned from the UK because of an incident involving Brexit.
  "I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LEADING BRITAIN INTO AN AGE OF PROSPERITY NOT SEE A BUNCH OF SAXONS FUCK IT UP!""
• In Part 4, we find out that not only did Arturia attempt to get Cornwall to secede from the United Kingdom (and she skypes the Queen on a regular basis), we also find out the details of the Noodle Incident involving Ruby - poor Ritsuka was turned into a magical girl. Sex change and all. For a week. It was a very traumatic experience for him, with the story causing poor Mashu to freak out while wondering if they've been triggering his trauma by making him wear dresses.
  Mashu: HAVE WE BEEN THE VILLAINS THE WHOLE TIME?!
  • And the end introduces Blackbeard. Who has yet to be introduced to anime, much to Kana's glee. When the readers realised Kana was going to be responsible for corrupting him into a otaku pervert...
    GilliamYaeger: kana
    kana no
    Sightedjt: This can only end well for everyone :V
    OverReactionGuy: And Blackbeard was never the same again.
    Thalton: Kana, you bitch. You are the reason for my Blackbeard related suffering. You are your mothers daughter, you bully.
    Arcman: Not even the Grail mud can corrupt a Servant as bad you're about to, Kana.
    ninjafish: Take solace in the fact she is releasing a monster even she is not ready for.
    ShadowAngelBeta: Kana just became best girl forever. :V It's funny how much degeneracy she's inspiring when she can't even think about anything lewd without turning completely red.

Chapter Thirteen

• Kana had decided to show Eromanga Sensei to Blackbeard. Even Roman is appalled by her lack of taste.
• When Roman realizes he's kind of being a bad father-figure to Mashu, he decides to get advice about fatherhood... From some Heroic Spirits. Unfortunately, very few Heroic Spirits are proper father material...
  • Leonidas admits that Roman is already a better father on account of not allowing Mash to die of exposure. He's also guarding the women's laundromat to make sure Blackbeard doesn't conduct a raid.
    • It's implied his reasons for doing so aren't all that pure...
      “FOOL! WE COULD ALL SHARE SUCH BOUNTY IF HE WOULD JUST BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT!”
  • Roman trying really hard not to think lewd thoughts about Jeanne.
    • When Blackbeard finally shows up, Jeanne thinks he's a lost spirit and implores him to "confess into [her] breast". Blackbeard's response?
      “Huhu… Let he who is full of sin... MOTOR THE FIRST BOAT!”
  • Apparently upon encountering Cu, Blackbeard screamed about not wanting to see a man in a skintight suit and ran off. Cu takes offense.
  • Cu's advice to Roman is, of course, "Try not to kill your kid in a duel after binding them to three unbreakable oaths". Archer isn't any more helpful, since he technically never had kids. Also he's a mom according to Cu.
  • Roman visits Medea, who is having tea with Arturia and unfortunately is at a loss. So, Roman decides to ask a Servant who has experience raising and teaching kids... El-Melloi II.
    • Arturia claims she's an excellent parent, only for Medea to shut her down by bringing up Mordred. Artoria responds that she raised Ritsuka and Kana...who immediately crash through Medea's temple.
      "Use your legs, Ritsuka!" Saber screams, standing on her chair. Ritsuka sputters and flails and is smashed into the sand again. "No, YOUR legs!"
  • Ultimately it's Waver who, with some help with Da Vinci, resolves everything with a well-placed Stone Sentinel Maze. His solution to fixing Blackbeard's degeneracy is...
    Waver: If you are going to enjoy Japanese culture you should do so properly. (He points back at Ritsuka and Kana with a thumb.) And as penance, the two of them can join him.
    • Later, in the theater-dungeon, Ritsuka, Kana and Blackbeard are watching Jojos Bizarre Adventure. It works.''
• The Stinger features Gilgamesh and Roman drinking wine together, commiserating their follies in their past lives... and then Roman notes that at least neither of them put a dick on a woman.
  “Aye, neither of us,” agrees Gilgamesh. “...Though, now I wonder…”
  “Gilgamesh no.”
  “Gilgamesh… maybe.”
  

Chapter Fourteen

• Kana catches Nobu setting up a trap with Robin's help and Okita observing, earning the Archer another Iron Claw... and then Stone Sentinel Maze traps all four of them. Turns out Kana's been skipping El-Melloi's class.
• El-Melloi's class has four students: The twins; Mashu, who finds the theory behind Magecraft interesting even if her Demi-Servant powers overshadow it; and d'Eon, who only attends to spy on Ritsuka.
• El-Melloi beans Kana with a piece of chalk for interrupting class, and threatens her with his own Iron Claw for good measure.
• Kana's definition of what a "sword" is to her:
  “She told me that swords were sharp metal objects used as weapons by various cultures that may or may not have been adapted from farming implements, and were objectively speaking the best sort of weapon because they couldn’t be used for other purposes. Which, besides being objectively false, shows a stunning lack of depth to her thought process.”
• Arturia gets offended on Kana's behalf when El-Melloi makes a comment about her English.
• EMIYA offers to help break down Kana's preconceptions of what a sword is in order to better learn Magecraft, and we learn where Ritsuka got his foot-in-mouth issue from when the Archer's self-loathing kicks in:
  “I will begin my thesis thusly: Swords are stupid. They have no inherent meaning. All they do is kill and kill and kill. They are worthless tools whose only purpose is to destroy. That is all they are. That is all they will ever be. All meaning ascribed to the sword is virtual, as meaningless as broken promises. They are the weapon equivalent of a one-trick pony with no redeeming qualities save for how thoroughly they debase themselves in trying to perform their singular trick.”
  • Kana, natually, takes this well. EMIYA can only say "I'm sorry I'm stupid" when he realized how badly he messed up.
• Medea talks Kana out of her Heroic BSoD by telling her she needs to ascribe her own meaning to her swords. Also she should stab Ritsuka.
  Medea: I’m kidding, of course.
  Kana does not think she’s kidding at all.
  • While this conversation is happening Altera falls into a cauldron.
• Ritsuka's attempt to cheer Kana up with some summons ends with him trying to attack her with a replica of the Jeweled Sword of Zelretch (actually a representation of the Kaleidoscope CE according to Word of God) when she teases him about the Ruby incident.

Chapter Fifthteen

• Ritsuka muses that Kana is taking her sweet time resolving a micro-singularity. Cue Kana cutting her way out of a dimensional hole right next to him before grabbing him and screaming like a lunatic.
  • The micro-singularity in question? It's Jasonland. Complete with an army of miniature Jason clones and Medea Lily acting as a manager.
  • Ritsuka responds appropriately when he realizes exactly who's fault this all is.
  Ritsuka: Shoebox it is.
• Marie looking for Medea since they were supposed to be watching Schindler's List together:
  “That’s the thing!” Marie raves. “I looked in her room, but Medea wasn’t there! I stood on the beaches of Colchis for half an hour! I took a nap on a beach couch! It was nice!” She waves her arm, more animated than ever. “BUT WE WERE GOING TO BE SAD TOGETHER! I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW IT ENDS!”
• Ritsuka has some choice words when he spots Caster (actually Medea Lily):
  “Medea! What are you doing?! You were the sensible one! You were supposed to keep the idiots in order, not join them!”
• Da Vinci is a little too nonchalant about Medea welding an Amusement Park of Doom singularity onto Chaldea. Roman says it best:
  “You just want to be amused and do less work, don’t you?”
  • It turns out that Da Vinci already had a spy on the inside - Jeanne D'Arc, who treats the whole thing like she's taking her little siblings on a day trip (and seems to be channeling her Archer self a little bit as well).
• Turns out Medea made replicas of Castor and Pollux. The Tohsaka siblings end up arguing about how they were supposed to be twin brothers. Also apparently Kana was ogling Pollux.
  • It turns out the Dioscuri replicas are even more questionable than the real thing.
  Castor: Hey! Enough gazing! Your eyes had best wander away from my sister, lest you lose them!
  Pollux: ...Elder brother, you don’t have to—
  Castor: Of course I do! Only I have the right to gaze upon you, for my love for you burns hotter than their basic lust!
  Pollux: Elder brother, please consider your words more carefully.
• “FBI OPEN UP!”
• Cu, who spent some time being Brainwashed and Crazy by Medea Lily, is naturally upset about it. Not because he was brainwashed, but because she didn't even do it correctly.
  “No shit! You wanna properly do mind control, you gotta play with basic priorities! Make them believe that you gotta kill ya friends! That you gotta fight them more than you gotta fight your enemy! What that ‘Manager’ did to me?” Cu scoffs. “That’s an artificial personality, and it wasn’t a good one, either! Thing was just usin’ my body on autopilot, didn’t even tap on my skills!”

Chapter Sixteen

• Ritsuka's nightmare. It involves his parents getting divorced after raising him and Kana, with Dream!Shirou going off to become a superhero and Dream!Rin declaring she'll marry Saber and Take Over the World (and also she's wielding the power of a Mesopotamian Goddess) before Ritsuka runs into a very Brocon Kana. It's hilarious in a Black Comedy way. Until Mashu shows up.
• Ritsuka prepared a message in advanced in case Kana ever had to take charge: "Please don't kill them."
• Gilgamesh trolling EMIYA with the Ea fidget spinner.
• Once the Servants find out that Kana is taking over as Master for the time being, everyone celebrates.
  “Yay, we can watch movies on speaker!” Marie cheers and claps. “Medea, Medea!”
  “Yes, Marie, this is Medea.” The Witch of Betrayal, fresh from a day of therapy - which at her current stage is spending an hour a day in a room filled with stuffed toys - raises her arms in the folds of her robes, allowing junk food and drinks to tumble out. “I have the refreshments.”
• Altera has an... interesting idea of Schindler's List, calling it "Schindler's Cute List".
  • Later, with everyone out gathering materials thanks to Kana, Altera ends up watching it herself. The aftermath is described in one sentence:
  If a Saber watches a movie in her room, does anyone hear her scream?
• Turns out Kana can be just as terrifying as Ritsuka: her first action as Master is to lock Nobunaga in stocks in the park, until she apologizes twenty thousand times. A passing Leonidas comes across the poor Archer and immediately jogs off.
  Something terrible has begun. And he will have no part in it.
  • Later on, Nobunaga vents to Okita about being put on farming duty and plots revenge... not realizing that Kana is right behind her.
• Roman consoling Altera is mostly heartwarming, but also hilarious in concept.
• Ritsuka finally wakes up... except he thinks he's surrounded by imposters and starts shooting everyone with Gandr. It takes Blackbeard talking about anime nonstop to get him to snap out of it.

Interludes/Singularities

The singularities are significantly more serious, but they have their moments.

• When Ritsuka finishes recounting the events of the Fuyuki Singularity, Arturia ponders whether they'll meet Saber Alter again, completely oblivious to the fact that it was her. When she's finally informed of this fact...
  Arturia: ...you lost me.
• When bitten by Carmilla, Kana asks Mashu to kill her if she becomes a vampire, as "I don't want to become a thot." Mashu interprets this as her speaking in tongues.
• Ritsuka's time as the Dragon Witch's prisoner involved having to listen to Tamamo No Mae give him... questionable advice about winning Mashu's heart. Among them include:
  Tamamo:By the way, Master-kun, something to take note of! Harems are NOT allowed!
  Ritsuka: Why the fuck would I want a harem I’m happy with just one girl!
  Tamamo: (Giggling into her sleeves) It’s always the ones who deny it most that actually want it most~
• Marie's plan to use her authority of France to bring down Vlad's power involves Kana wearing a dress made of jewels. Kana notes that if either her mom or her brother saw it, they would have a heart attack from the sheer extravagance.
• Following Kana's retelling of France to the other servants, Ritsuka arrives with the newly-summoned Jeanne D'Arc. Cu is happy for less pure reason, and Ristuka warns him not to lewd Jeanne unless he wants God to cut off his dick. After Cu brushes the threat off, his master prepares a knife and a Command Seal.
  Ritsuka: Lancer, with my Command Seal—
  Lancer: WOAH WOAH HOLD UP I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE SERIOUS!
  (Saber walks towards him with Excalibur)
  Lancer: Saber NO!
  Saber: Saber yes. EN GARDE, LANCER!
• Rome starts off hilariously, because, well, it involves Nero.
  • The first chapter basically starts with Altera attempting to kill Nero the moment the empress introduces herself, and is stopped by Heracles. She then tries to bribe Mashu into helping her by promising that Ritsuka's shirt will be collateral damage. Her behavior when it comes to being denied the opportunity to destroy Rome is like a petulant child.
  • When corrected about Ritsuka not being Herakles, Nero then decides he's obviously Jason. As in, the Argonaut. The commenters on the forum had a field day with this.
    Cybershadowninja: When all the servants that do know about Jason find out about this, they will laugh their asses off.
  • And then Nero makes a pass at Arturia. Cue comments about this being a result of narcissism.
  • After that, a good chunk of Rome is mostly switching between Altera and Kana telling the story. Hilarity Ensues.
  • From Altera's narration, Ritsuka and Kana were able to stop Romulus from destroying Rome... by beating him in a board game.
  • Turns out Lev/Flauros actually believes Ritsuka and Kana's fake identities. Combined with him not knowing that Roman is actually Solomon, it seems Lev/Flauros isn't exactly a very good spy for Goetia.
• Interlude 7 starts off being adorable with Ritsuka and Mashu finally consummating their relationship... Until Ritsuka discovers about 10 minutes before room inspection that D'Eon stole Mashu's clothes. This causes Kana to figure out they had sex when she sees Mashu wearing D'Eon's shirt over Ritsuka's uniform, and texts Ritsuka about it when she leaves, much to his annoyance. But then, shortly after...
  His phone buzzes again. 'btw saw ishtarmom on the way, told her about it'
  Ritsuka's brain explodes. Everything about him falls to pieces and you can never put him back together again, not like he was. Wordlessly, motionlessly, he stands there looking at his phone. Nothing on his mind except white hot rage of the featureless kind.
  It buzzes again. 'she wants cute grandkids asap'
  "Yep," he mutters under his breath as he starts walking, "Chokeslam it is."
• Okeanos. The two Masters are telling the story to their Servants back in Chaldea, who are all dying to hear what happened...
  • When the team meets Francis Drake, Ritsuka is in disbelief because history says Drake was a man, which she laughs off. It's when he recognizes her face and calls her Queen Elizabeth the First that she stops and goes back to holding her guns at them.
    • Drake denies it by claiming Elizabeth is too delicate for the sea. Ritsuka notices her crewmates looking away in guilt.
  • Kana attempting to get drunk, using Drake's excuse of "it's evening somewhere!" When she complains about Mashu's powers protecting her and Ritsuka from getting drunk, both EMIYA and Arturia remind her why she doesn't drink alcohol, especially on their watch.
  • Kana regretting turning Blackbeard into an otaku while he's making Neptunia references.
  • Then it gets worse, when it is revealed that the Okeanos singularity's Blackbeard is also a massive degenerate, and a Jojo fan, when he makes his entrance replicating Dio's steamroller attack. It turns out Kana's corruption was so terrible that it went all the way back to the Throne of Heroes.
    Ritsuka: Kana, this is entirely your fucking fault!
    Kana: OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DOOOOOOONE?!!
    Leonardo da Vinci: ...Oh dear, (over the commlink while sounding not the least bit concerned) it seems that whatever you did to Blackbeard has propagated back to the Throne of Heroes and altered his Spirit Origin permanently! You have done what even All the World's Evils could not, Kana; you corrupted a Heroic Spirit!
    Ritsuka and Kana: THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!
    Leonardo da Vinci: ...Ah, Romani, don't bang your head on the console, that's not professional~
  • Apparently Chaldea!Blackbeard considers Okeanos!Blackbeard to be way more of a degenerate than he is. But he still has the nerve to try to tell Kana to get over her body image issues.
    Blackbeard: Shame you're so tilted about it, though. Ain't no shame in bein' beautifully thicc with nice tiddies an' thighs.
    Kana leaps from her seat and slams both feet into Blackbeard's face. The Rider smashes through the wall and lands in a crumpled heap in the hallway. A passing robot marks him for cleanup with a flag in the butt and continues rolling on. Slowly, the various Servants look at Kana, who has landed on her side after a marvelous dropkick, her bathrobe having fallen open just enough to expose some chest.
    Arturia: ...Crass he may be, Kana, but you can't fight your body image issues with violence.
    Kana: Yes I can.
  • "Trust a Trojan to be a Trojan Horse."
  • Ritsuka trying to come up with a good way to explain Herakles dream narratively...and just gives up to simply explain it straightforward.
    The audience sighs heavily at this. Even Jeanne, who is happy to see this many men and women gathered who aren't about to sack a city, seems disheartened.
  • The initial meeting between Chaldea and both Artemis and Orion.
    This is a day for firsts.
  • Mashu figuring out that Orion is in fact, as Ritsuka would later recount, Artemis "literal boy-toy":
    In Mashu's head, something like a record scratch is heard. Except it's actually five trucks crashing into one another.
  • Kana acting like an annoyed cat trying to keep away from Artimis and Orion.
    • She even holds up Euryale like a shield against the duo.
      Kana: No mercy! Only snek.
  • Herakles being slightly annoyed at having to bend over to fit in a cave for the crime of being 'too swole'
  • Meeting up with King David of Israel starts off about as one would expect with meeting someone of his stature, until...
    Immediately, David goes to Medea and kneels as he takes her hand in his own.
    David: "Fair lady, you have struck me with your beauty. Please, sire my children. God wills it."
    Something breaks. Medea, the very image of a smug witch with loads of experience, blinks. Even for her, something this brazen elicits a reaction.
    Medea: "I… I beg your pardon?"
    Orion squeaks as Artemis digs her fingers around his furry bear body. Kana is so disgusted she can't even laugh at the absurdity. Mashu is trying and failing to process the hypocrisy of it all. And Ritsuka is suddenly happy he didn't bring Jeanne along.
    Nevertheless, David tries his luck.
  • Atlanta having a mental breakdown upon finding out what her goddess is really like.
    "I'm screaming," Atalanta murmurs, shaking. "I'm screaming and I don't know if I'll stop."
    "It helps to blame other people," Medea says, a comforting hand on her shoulder.
  • Jason regains a momentary disadvantage against Kana by, ah, taking advantage of her 'assets'.
    Kana: "F-FUCK OFF YOU PERVERT! NO ONE HAS E-EVER—"
    Jason: "Nothing is sacred in the face of victory,"
  • This exchange after the defeat of Medea Lily:
    "He's kind of a shit person, isn't he?" Ritsuka mumbles.
    "He's shirking all the responsibility but also somehow taking all of it," Kana notes with a frown. "I… am curious, but also disgusted."
    "Just like my books," Mashu says, shaking.
    Ritsuka: "...Mashu, I'm reviewing your books when we get back."
    Mashu: "W-Wuh?! Kana-senpai, please!"
    Kana: "No."
  • David's last words before going down isn't some Badass Creed, or statement of defiance, it's a quote from Star Wars. At least until his lower half is crushed and the rest obliterated by falling stars by the Demon God Pillar Forneus.
• After learning that the twins had to face a demon pillar, Arturia tells Ritsuka and Kana that they will be bringing someone with an Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm, namely herself. The commentators quickly point out how London is next, along with Mordred.

Omakes

• Anything to do with Mordred.
  • Arturia's reaction to seeing Mordred, in full armor and demanding a fight, outside her door? Close the door and go back to sleep. It works for all of three seconds before Mordred bursts into the room.
  • Mordred asks Arturia who was responsible for the existence of the twins upon realising she's now an older sibling. EMIYA appears after chasing a group of men wresting each other and notes that Arturia has multiplied, Arturia kindly points at him while Mordred proceeds to hug her new "Mother".
• Turns out Mashu has some rather romantic ideas... Or just watched too many James Bond films.
  [To the notion of punishing the siblings for using fake names] "YES!" Mashu exclaims. She shoots up onto her feet, cheeks puffed and eyes wet, and points harshly at Ritsuka. "Senpai toyed with my feelings! First he was a senpai then he was a spy BUT NO HE'S STILL SENPAI!"
  "Mashu no," [Ritsuka] begs quietly.
  "What did you think up in your head?" Kana asks, morbidly impressed - and more than a little intimidated. That is a girl who can crush their heads like melons. Demi-Servants are strong. "First thing, Mash, we are not spies."
  "I KNOW I'M SO DISAPPOINTED!"
  "Alright calm down," Kana says.
  "I WANT TO BE SEDUCED BY A SPY, SENPAI!"
  "W-What," Ritsuka and Roman both say, their voices barely whispers.
• The third Omake starts with Emiya confronting Kana about something... only for her to immediately become flustered and mortified. It turns out they're in the women's gym. And it isn't even the first time it happened.
  • The rest of the Omake is a hilarious discussion involving Cu, Robin, Emiya and later Gilgamesh about Emiya's nature as a Team Mom.
  • Gilgamesh suggesting that Emiya would be a helicopter parent in another life.
• "How the Counterfeit Heroic Spirit Incident Actually Ended" by Crusader Jerome. Ritsuka and Mashu confront Jeanne Alter, and offer her a place in Chaldea... Because they've already summoned another instance of her.
• This story by Mattman324 explores what might happen if Angra Mainyu and MHX Alter happen to meet. Hilarity Ensues.

Forum Posts

Some of the forum posts are also legitimately hilarious.

• One post is a less restrained version of Saber's reaction to learning that the Tohsaka siblings did not learn to cook like their parents:
  Ritsuka: "I made pasta."
  Kana: "Hamburger, hamburger~"
  Saber: "You two disappoint me."
  • And as a bonus...
    Saber Alter: "I will withhold judgement until after I have sampled the hamburgers."
• In a discussion over a misconception about Zelretch's personality, the topic of the Kaleidosticks are brought up...
  Rin: "Zelretch! Fix my kids!"
  Zelretch: "Pardon?"
  Rin: "I'm supposed to have one son and one daughter. Right now I have two daughters quietly weeping in a corner. Fix. It."
  Zelretch: "This sounds like a parenting problem."
  Rin: "It's Ruby's fault!"
  Zelretch: "Aaaand there it is. This is why I don't like the Kaleidostick. Hold on, just let me lock up. They're not trapped in a pocket dimension or anything, right?"
  Rin: "Well... not anymore..."
  • The best part? The general gist of this incident was made canon.
• An omake made by a poster expands on Chapter 12, Part 3 by having Waver explain to Arturia that the majority of the British population in fact descended from the Britons she descended from, rather than the Saxons. Her reaction is... Priceless.
  Arturia: "HANG ON, BABIES, DADDY'S COMING HOME!"
  Jeanne: She does remember that Humanity's been incinerated, right?
• The speculation on Roman's quest for advice on being a father. Including a post from the author himself. And apparently, Nobu of all people is apparently a competent parent.
  Cu: By asking me, you've already failed.
  El-Melloi II: "And you thought I was the most fitting person to ask abo-" (All the other Servants who'd know anything about being a father flash through his mind) "...On second thought, I see the logic in your idea. It pains me, but I do see it." (Buries his head in his hands while holding back a whimper)
• When talking about Orion and his relationship with Artemis...
  Orion please bone the orbital bombardment platform. For the sake of humanity, see.
• When the topic of Sir Kay's ghost is brought up...
  Rin: Shirou, who were you talking to?
  Shirou: Who knows? Could be a ghost.
  Arturia: ...Kay! Get your ass out! I know you're here!
  Shirou: Wait hold on.
  Arturia: I WON'T ASK A SECOND TIME KAY!
  Kay: Shit shit shit
• A possible take on how Arturia tries to talk it out with Mordred. Then Ritsuka tries to mediate...
  Ritsuka: Okay I think the two of you are going too far, maybe lets take a step back and talk about our feelings, since this freudian rebellion might be because Mordred has a warped image of—
  Mordred: SHUT UP NERD
  Brief pause
  Ritsuka: Listen BITCH
  Mordred: im sorry
  

---