Funny / Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen

  • The first AN. Edward is their GODD and they want to sex him gud.
  • Atlantia wants this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair to DIE in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE. Sorry, she's not normally such a batch (of cookies?).
  • Dave and Marie are very nice and hole some.
  • "IT WAS EWDARD!"
  • "'OMG, how is this possible?' i said 'Don't ask me I'm just a panda, lol' said Snoofles with a big grin"
  • "My knee came up hard against his massive throbbing gigglestick between his legs"
    • Actually, make that the entire fight scene, which has wonderful events such as:
    • Edward punching the wall with 'his buckly fist'
    • Attacks like 'I schlepped him hard across the face'
    • Edward catching her 'waste' (seems quite unsanitary)
    • Edward somehow managing to "ham" the main character against a wall
    • Edward's face 'was blunt and right heavy in mine'
    • The aforementioned gigglestick
    • Edward's reaction to receiving a Groin Attack: 'he drubbed over in pan'
    • Edward switching from Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe to saying, "And now I am falling in love with thou and it is all such a darn mess!"
  • I broke free and goaded my books and started rugging away to math, but edward hand finished with me.
  • "WTF you freaky goth tudor bitch!" she shouted with her ugly face flapping like a big bag
    • ManWithoutABody's reading makes it even funnier when he adds as a note: "Well, right back at you you Plantagenet whore.
  • "omg my sweet lady" he cried! "what has this frightful asshole been doing to thee?"
  • He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.
  • For some reason when Jacob is yelling at Tia for being a "HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!" I burst into a hysterical mess.
    • Not to mention he's mentioned as jumping up and down whilst yelling.
  • This Troper's face hurt from laughing after, "everyone CLANGLED at me and blushing I went to sit on my friends".
  • "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YOU EVIL RODENT PEOPLE?!!!!!
  • Pretty much everything to do with the panda.
    • Especially the revelation that he's gay apparently.
    • From the dramatic reading: during chapter eight, ManWithoutABody adds a note that reads, "From self-hating closet case to drug-fueled threesomes with people you've just met, one of whom is a talking panda. It's been quite a night for Jasper."
    • The moment Snoofles introduces himself, ManWithoutABody tosses up a note that reads what we're all thinking.
    "This story's tone just shifted dramatically."
  • "stop raping me!!" The best part about that bit is, in the Dramatic Reading, the narrator says it like it's only mildly annoying, like how you might say, "Stop poking me!"
  • Uncle Larry calling Tiana an "evil bitch" and then demanding she go and wash his car, and she actually goes and does it. And also he apparently spanks for half-an-hour before raping her on the bonnet of his "red porche" in broad daylight.
  • "HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!" (Once would have been funny, but when the same misspelling is repeated three times in a row ...)
  • Also, mancarrots.
  • Tiana showed Edward her naked, heaving BEASTS!
  • ManWithoutABody giving Uncle Larry Barney the Dinosaur's voice, as if the character wasn't ridiculous enough.
  • The word "plimpled".
  • The various weird-ass euphemisms the authors uses to describe penises. Gigglestick. Mancarrots. Lavender man-fruit thing. And, of course, Jacob's horible wet mushroom.
  • ManWithoutABody gives Caius a... very nasally, disinterested voice. This Troper isn't sure what accent he's affecting there, but it makes Caius' "spooky" dream visitations seem more like court-mandated welfare checks.
  • ManWithoutABody also takes ridiculous pleasure in frequently pointing out how in-character Edward and Bella are throughout the fic. He's not wrong.
  • The principal caked up onstage and announces the winner by screaming "ATLANATIANA REBECKAH LOREN!!"

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