Funny / Anime and Manga Fanfics

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Warning: Spoilers Off applies to Moments pages. Proceed at your own risk.

Bleach

• Father Figure, a Bleach short story has one for Mayuri, who via a subtle Batman Gambit manages to obliterate Hueco Mundo. How? Jacking Yachiru up on super sugar and shooting her into Hueco Mundo with a giant cannon Not A Cannon.
• This little gem from Not Quite As Planned:
  Ichigo: I'm not even going to turn around. Rukia? Who snuck up on us this time?
  Rukia: …Captain Aizen…
  Ichigo: Of course it is… Any chance of him going away if we pretend we didn't notice him?
  Aizen: I'm afraid not.
  Ichigo: Didn't think so.

Code Geass

• Code Geass: Colorless Memories has it's own page of hilarious events.
• This scene from the Code Geass fic 32 Pickup:
  "Hm, I think I'm gonna move my horse…" Nonette smirked confidently and picked up the piece.
  "Firstly, it's STILL not your turn yet because I STILL haven't moved yet, and second, IT'S A KNIGHT." Lelouch hissed, his grip on the table tightening and his knuckles turning white.
  "Can I move here?" Nonette would set it down halfway across the board, knocking Lelouch's queen off the board as she did.
  "NO, because it's not your TURN AND because KNIGHTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!"
  "But I thought the horse can jump over guys."
  "IT'S NOT A HORSE! IT'S A KNIGHT! AND IT CAN JUMP OVER ONLY TWO PIECES, NOT GUYS, PER MOVE!"
  "Well, I did only jump over two guys." Nonette smiled and pointed to her pawn and Lelouch's pawn, not only on the other side of the board, but also two columns away. "My guy and your guy. Then I killed this guy. Now I'm next to your other guy. So, king me."
  "YOU CAN'T MOVE THAT WAY, THOSE ARE PAWNS, THAT IS A QUEEN, THAT IS A KING, IT'S NOT YOUR TURN, AND THERE IS NO KING ME IN CHESS!"
  "I don't know why you're raising your voice at me, it's just a game. Nellie was right, you're such a kid." Nonette blew some hair from her face and reached in for another piece.
  "I refuse to play with you until you learn how chess works, Ms. Enneagram. Good day." Lelouch rose from the table, while Nonette raised both fists in the air and grinned.
  "I win again! The crowd goes wild!" She then made haaaaaah noises into her hand for a bit as she watched the prince retreat to the safety of his room.
• In Chapter 24 of Lelouch of Britannia, Kallen's assassination attempt on Lelouch, which is short in seriousness and high in awkwardness:
  Kallen: WHY ARE YOU NAKED?
  Lelouch: [thinking] It was a difficult question, considering his life may well depend on the response. [aloud] Usually, people undress for showers.
  • And because this is Lelouch (if Alternate Universe-still-a-Britannian-prince Lelouch) he acts like himself and completely misinterprets her behavior: he thinks she's a Stalker with a Crush. Though arguably the funniest and certainly the most awkward part is when his bodyguards barge in to rescue him, Kallen slips, and they find the two of them lying on top of each other, soaking wet, and respectively half-dressed and buck naked. And because he doesn't want to ruin her reputation (It's not her fault she was smitten with him), Lulu pretends it's exactly what it looks like and calmly gives orders for a cover-up… while still lying on the floor, naked and being crushed by Kallen's boobs.
  • The author's note on Chapter 17 also deserves a mention:
    I've wanted to write that parade scene for some time now. More specifically, I wanted to write a scene in which girls passed out enmasse screaming Lelouch's name; seemed appropriate.
  • And the time when the excerpt at the beginning of the chapter was about a media manhunt for Lelouch. Apparently Alternate History and being renamed "Jim" has had very little effect of Jon Stewart's personality.
    On Monday, the Enquirer offered £100,000 for "photo evidence of [Prince Lelouch's] current whereabouts." A rival publication, the Weekly Mail, responded with an offer of £200,000 for new footage of the prince "in a casual, unguarded setting." The latest entrant into the escalating tabloid war was the Pendragon Post, who offered £375,000 for pictures capturing the Prince with "non-familiar female companionship." In his opening segment on Tuesday night's The Daily Show, Jim Stewart predicted that by week's end someone will put up a million pounds for "images of the Prince directing amphibious operations at a nudist beach." The fake news program host called upon the Prince to "take one for the team" and undress for magazines. "Their women will defect and Europe will lose all its fighting strength; war's over. All hail Britannia."
  • "When using a human shield, grab a fat guy."
• Schneizel defeats Lelouch by sponsoring a pizza chain.
  Dear Zero, we regret to inform you that Pizza Hut is no longer able to support the rebellion. Yours truly, Pizza Hut.
  • Also, Bismarck's cocoa puffs and strawberry milk.
• This Code Geass fanfic, during a Britannia attack, we have this dialogue:
  Mao: Anyway, Rakshata wants a flying monkey. [A Vincent frame]
  Zero: What? Mao, I don't have time for your crazy. Either make sense or shut up.
  Mao: No, I'm serious. Old man Chuck released the flying monkeys, and your mad scientist wants you to bring her back one.
  Zero: Fine, when this is over, she can have all the flying monkeys she wants.
  Mao: Ha! [pointing a triumphant finger at Tamaki, who was standing nearby, pretending not to be listening] And you thought I couldn't make him say it.
  Tamaki: You let me down, Zero! [scowling, pulling out his wallet and handing Mao a five dollar bill] You let me down!
  • It's prequel Your Past, My Future has several gems as well, including:
    Lelouch: Hey, Rivalz. Are you alright?
    Rivalz: Alright?! You go off and hijack a bunch of terrorists, and you ask me if I'm alright? I was worried sick about you! Have you gone nuts? Have you lost your mind? Did you ever think what it would have been like for me if I had to tell the whole student council how you got yourself killed in a spontaneous burst of idiocy?
    Lelouch: Rivalz…
    Rivalz: What were you thinking? "Hey, look! There's some mortal peril over there! Let's get closer!" You're usually pretty smart, man, but that's just stupid! I mean, you're a chess player, not some secret agent of the empire! Are you?
    Lelouch: A what? Rivalz, I honestly think that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said.
    Rivalz: Uh, Lulu, this isn't one of those, "I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you" things, is it?
    Lelouch: If I said yes, would you tell the whole school about it by tomorrow?
    Rivalz: …I might not.
    Lelouch: Rivalz, listen to me. You are blowing things way out of proportion. I'm fine. Ask me tomorrow, and I'll be able to explain everything to you, I promise. And I'd appreciate it if you would please not mention this to anyone at school until you know all the details. You know how rumors fly around, and apparently I already have a harem of Eleven girls to run while running the largest trafficking of refrain in the country, and I'm not sure I could handle being an imperial agent as well.
  • And after killing Clovis:
    Lelouch: Sorry brother. Force of habit.
  • There's also this segment, where Mao shows up to save C.C. in prison under Zero's watch.
    Mao strode to the indicated cell and opened it up dramatically. "C.C., your knight in shining armor is here to save you."
    C.C. stared at him in surprise, slow recognition, and finally, shock. "Oh no. Oh please no."
• From Cornelia of the Defection, we have Lelouch's reaction to being Mistaken for Gay.
  Lelouch: It's called metrosexual and I'm fabulous.
• In Untitled Memoirs, Charles zi Britannia leaves a note directing whoever overthrew him to his journals but leaves a ps at the end.
  Charles: PS. If this is Clovis reading, then I can honestly say that I'm surprised. Well done, I suppose.
• In the Peggy Sue fic Like A Wish where Kallen and Suzaku have gone back to Shinjuku (though neither knows about the other), Kallen catches Arthur when it has Lelouch's Zero mask on it. She hides the mask then decides to have some fun and brings the cat back with the "incriminating evidence", namely her bra.
• Experiments have several, as an example of being a series of experiments Lelouch does with his Geass. The first chapter alone has a series of ones testing the ability of people to do impossible tasks while under Geass control like licking their own elbows, and it goes from there.
• Of Monsters and Men: Suzaku snarkily describes Lelouch having the physical abilities of a 'wounded marshmallow', noting he was impressed he got 10 feet away before Euphie managed to tackle him.
• The Black Emperor
  • Milly shuts off Lelouch's alarm clock by kicking it so hard it shatters against the far well. Then C.C. accidentally rolls too far and falls out of bed before swearing into the carpet that she'll have her vengeance.
  • Kallen accidentally lets slip to her mother Naomi that she's in a relationship with Milly and Lelouch.
    Kallen: Little bit more than friends at this point. …You heard nothing!
    Naomi: Baby pictures…
    Kallen: No. You cut that out right now mom! No baby pictures!
    Naomi: But!
    Kallen: No!

Death Note

• In The Art Of Drowning L and Watari use a keyword variety of Spy Speak which Light later unwittingly uses when pretending to be L:
  L: I would rather avoid Watari all together, but if there is a chance that he is not in league with Roger, then I would prefer him by my side. I'm just not looking forward to the interrogation.
  Light: Well, at least he'll bring tea and scones.
  L: What?
  Light: Erm, I told the boys to tell him to bring tea and scones? So he'd know it was really you? Because you tell him that a lot?
  L: You told him to come armed to the teeth and prepared to kill.
  Light: I – what? I did?
• "It's… you know… lubricant—from the Shinigami world."
• In Constant Temptation there is a moment where Mello, Matt, and Near find themselves in a position where they have to confess to spying on L and Light's bedroom activities:
  Near: Are we sure we want to do this?
  Mello: It's not like you to have doubts.
  Near: I don't usually face such definite trouble.
  Matt: That is the one thing we can guarantee will happen. We still in agreement over who to confess to?
  Mello: Light?
  Near: Light.
  • Followed by the punishment Kira inflicts upon the Wammy's Boys: Dresses.
• The Deathnote Dating Gameshow has two:
  • This scene:
    Light: So we're standing outside your door, ready to call it a night. How would you go about ending our date to ensure it was memorable for me?
    Misa: SEX!
    Light: Good answer, Misa!
  • Everything L says/does. Everything (in particular his depiction of a 'date' with Light and Light's reaction).
• One from The End Is Near that really stands out:
  Matt: Let me get this straight. Your ex is thin, pretty, blonde, overreacts to everything, and has a penchant for Gothic clothing?
  Light: Yes.
  Matt: Are you sure you weren't dating Mello?
• In chapter 32 of The Faceless a Death Note After the End AU, has the following exchange when the cast stops at a bar:
  Light pulled himself up to the counter, putting on his, 'I'm completely normal and if you don't believe me, I'll Kill You!,' façade. Evidently, it didn't work; the bartender simply continued to stare apprehensively at the faded blood-stain on Light's uniform before slowly reaching for his gun. Best not to trust soldiers.
  "He's going to shoot us, isn't he?" Nathanial watched as the bartender froze and carefully removed his hand from the vicinity of his rifle, noticing for the first time, perhaps, just how many weapons the rag-tag team had.
  "Someone's always trying to shoot us." Marcus was very apt in pointing things like this out, creating a philosophy that predicted all manner of reactions to their ensemble.
  The bartender made an inward estimate of the money he would lose through property damage. Damn foreign soldiers.
  By the end of the night, it was difficult to decide whether Naomi was scarier drunk or sober. At least when she was sober, she had better aim and didn't attempt to have a sense of humor. Either way, everyone was disturbed.
• All of Grub in which Roger, the child-hating entomologist, describes L's childhood using insect metaphors.
• In Chapter 9 of Heart Beats there is an instance where Light and L attend a fancy dinner party while chained together and L is wearing a fish mask (for the sole purpose of humiliating Light) and while Light is chatting with someone L makes a grab for the snack tables, reaching for a sugar cube. However L can't see very well because of the mask. Turns out it wasn't sugar, it was wasabi.
• The parody of poorly written angst in Chapter 7 of The Human Whose Name Is Written In This Fanfiction "In which everyone is very tragic":
  Don't you just love to read pointless and poorly written garbage about fictional people's problems?
  Well if you do you're a complete sadist but that's okay, you've come to the right place. This is the land where we step over the borderline from "tragic past" to "Loaded up with so many problems it's kind of sick". Sounds like fun huh?
  Take a glance around the room and you will see our first victim. His name is L Lawliet. Although he possesses legions of adoring fans they all seem to be obsessed with torturing him. Let's take a closer look.
  L sat sadly in task force headquarters. He felt his imminent doom hanging over his head as well as the pain of his unrequited love for unnamed love interest/dead love interest. This reminded him of all the tragic things that had happened to him, the things that kept him awake every night for fear of terrible nightmares (because this explanation of L's insomnia isn't complete rubbish at all).
  He thought back to his childhood as a poor orphan boy. He thought about that flashback he was going to have later in the series when he died and how it showed how tragic a character he was.
  It had all started when the young boy had to watch his family be brutally murdered. They were shot/burned/eaten/poisoned/exploded/forced to watch the Pokémon movies. It was a horrifying memory that would haunt the detective all his life.
  After many heart-breaking scenes of carnage Watari brought the young L to Wammy's house. He was very emotionally scarred and had no friends. Then one day Watari brought two new children to the house, A and B.
  L immediately fell in love with A/B/random other chick. Unfortunately they died. All of them. Violently. While still carrying his child. Right in front of him. Other wretched stuff.
• In Lab Specimen Ryuk takes up writing Emo poetry in the Death Note while Light is incarcerated and the ensuing death is attributed to Kira:
  Dreary and long are my days,
  I have come to realize that
  Perhaps I have made a mistake.
  Understand I never meant to go this far;
  Time will pass, and I hope
  Someday you can forgive me.
  
  Suffice to say, that is all.
  I cannot undo the past.
  
  Lord help me.
  • And like Kira's previous messages Ryuk's poem has a special hidden message: L IS STUPID
    L: Are you trying to tell me something, Kira-kun?
    Ryuk: Oh ho- it worked! I wasn't sure if John Greene would write that before dying, but I guess it was vague enough that it worked! He wrote it in his own blood too! Too bad I couldn't watch him do it! That would have been fun.
    L: I never knew Kira-kun had such an… emotional side. You should have been in the poetry club.
    Ryuk: Oooh! Did you hear that? My poetry is good! It was fun to write too, I wonder if I could practice some more. What did you think, Light? Oh, I forgot, you can't talk to me, right.
    Light: You know what it says.
    L: Yes. That's not very nice, Yagami-kun.
• From Office Politics L begins to regret breaking up with Light:
  Granted, Raito is a terrifying, jealous, power-hungry, arrogant sociopath Serial Killer, but these are all things that L knew the first time he and Raito played six hours of mind games that led to strip poker and somehow anal sex. It was really rather unfair of him to simply abandon the game mid-session; it wasn't as if he wasn't allowed to change the rules. Perhaps, he'd been hasty.
  • "L supposes… Chief Yagami is smart enough to know that his son was not always found nude in the company of L because they were planning on being completely heterosexual with one another."
  • "L still has fond memories of surfing S&M websites with Raito; bathed in the glow of the computer, it was almost romantic."
  • When jilted Kira sends L a message via dead rapists:
    Raito stormed off, and four hours after that, all the detectives gather around the television, torn between laughter and louder laughter when a gang known for kidnapping, gang-raping, and trafficking young girls and boys into prostitution all die of what appears to be autoerotic asphyxiation—bodies falling conveniently in a public square.
    The chief squints. "Does that—?"
    L narrows his eyes and drinks more coffee.
    "Yeah," one of the others says.
    "It totally does," another detective chimes in.
    "L SUCKS DICK," the Chief reads.
    Just under his breath, L mutters, "Not anymore, that's for damn sure."
  • Light changed L's screensaver to an ad for erectile dysfunction medication.
  • L and Light's Spy Speak to talk about their relationship troubles.
    L has used his extensive knowledge of cryptology to code in things like "Perhaps we should reconsider our relationship and consider reapplying generous amounts of sex in the butt." (Though it frustrated him greatly, even L's awesome mind could not properly work the semantics of forensic pathology and the word "fucking" together.)
    Raito raises one fine, fine brow at L when L says this, and replies, "On the other hand, perhaps the coroner wasn't thorough enough in his external examination—needle-punctures can be wildly difficult to locate and I have not yet abandoned the idea that some of these deaths could have been caused by the application of excessive insulin. Local law enforcement has, after all, been writing them off too easily on Kira."
    After Raito has left the room, L says, "That was completely uncalled for."
• In The Parameters of Ghosts when L stops by for a friendly haunting:
  " L…?"
  "Yes?"
  "How will I know this wasn't just some dream when I wake up? Can't you do something to prove that you really are a ghost, and not just part of my mind?"
  "Hmm," L briefly pondered. "Does it matter? Trying to prove my existence to you would be tedious. I don't think it would be worth the effort." He shifted around in the large chair, which was probably not cushioned enough for his tastes. The dead, it seemed, could also feel uncomfortable. "You'll just have to deal with matters of sanity on your own."
  "Alright, thanks," Light replied, sarcasm apparent.
  "You're welcome."
  Light lied back down, but after a minute, he sighed again, still very much aware of the detective's presence.
  "You're just going to stay here and watch me sleep? Can't you disappear or something?"
  "I've got nowhere else to go. I'm not even sure that I can leave right now. Does it bother you?"
  "Whatever. It doesn't matter."
  "Goodnight then, Light."
  "…See you later, I guess." Never again would be nice, too, he added to himself. He turned to his other side so his back was to L, and didn't say anything more.
• A sideplot in The Prince by Neverending Odyssey gives us a pair of Trolls under the usernames Kirin and Anti-Kira who troll the Kira-worshipper message boards, in addition to arguing and having innuendo-laced conversations with each other. Of course Kirin and Anti-Kira are Light and L. That's right Kira trolls his own message boards. And then there are of course the Kira-worshipper's responses… [[KingIncognito to Kira.]]
• In Sex Note there's the instance when Light is discussing with Ryuk how even though he's lonely and bored he still refuses to use the Sex Note to change people and destroy lives for his own amusement:
  Ryuk: Maybe in university you'll find someone with no friends and no family who you can change!
  Light: Sure, Ryuk, there'll be people with no friends and no family who'll ask me to change them.
  In two different parts of Japan, a bleached-blonde model and a reclusive detective both sneezed simultaneously.
• In Sweet Surrender L has sex with Light in an attempt to get a confession in the most awkward way possible:
  Light: Oh, God, that's it… don't you dare stop, I'll fucking kill you if you stop…
  L: Will you, now?
• In Those Who Stand for Nothing Fall for Anything B murdered Light's new suit:
  "Where are my clothes?"
  "They're in the sink," he says with a pharmaceutical smile.
  "What? No," I gasp. 100% rare breed wool from the Shetland Islands. Woven by nuns. "They're dry clean only, you bastard!"
  "Oh. That explains the strange colour of the water. I rinsed them through with boiling water and now they're soaking in cold water. Is that ok? I put ice in it. It's like suit mojito in the kitchen."
  "You cunt."
  "Light, I'm sure that he just overlooked the washing guidelines," L sighs, putting his trousers on under the sheets. "You have other suits."
  "Other suits? Other? Suits?"
  B pulls my cigarette holder and lighter out of his pocket and holds them out to me. At least he didn't put them in the sink. "Here," he says. "Give yourself cancer."
  "What time is it?" L asks.
  "Just after ten."
  "It was one of a kind. Only virgins can make suits like that," I moan while lighting a cigarette. "Do you know how hard it is to find a virgin these days? Let alone a virgin who's dedicated herself to God and weaving. There are no 'other suits' like that… And I looked fuck amazing in it."
  L stares at me with a blank expression. He stares at me for quite a long time. I almost feel stupid after ten seconds. "Cry me a river."
  Fine. No sympathy. No support. My suit's been destroyed and he doesn't give a shit. Fine.
• Xanatos had quite a few, a lot of them involving Matt.
  • Chapter 1: Mello tries to prank Near by slipping hair dye in his shampoo. It backfired when Matt wound up using said shampoo, and came out of the shower with bright red hair!
  • And he liked the look! Mello's reaction consisted of a priceless expression coupled with My God, What Have I Done??
  • Chapter 2:
    Matt: So, I'm just curious…why the mafia?
    Mello: Isn't it obvious? It'll be the best advantage, since I can't work with an organization that operates with Near, and without being restricted by the law, I'll have the upper hand.
    Matt: And, of course there's always a great excuse to dress in tight black leather.
    Mello: What?
    Matt: What?
    Mello: What the hell are you implying?
  • Anything concerning the Kira-troll. Even better when it turns out Matt had been the troll all along!
  • Two words: Matt's. Driving.
    Linda: MAAAAAT!
    Matt: Yes Linda?
    Linda: I hate you!
  • Matt and Linda's dialogue when they're about to meet L for the first time:
    Matt: Relax, it's not a job interview…uh, well, it kind of is, but honestly, you'll be fine.
    Linda: You mean it?
    Matt: No Linda. You will fail. It will be tragic and L will personally throw you out the window.
  • Chapter 11: L and Matt's Snark-to-Snark Combat.
    • Kira getting trolled again.
    • "Im on ur Internet, trollin' ur Kiras,"
    • The troll telling "L" to tell Kira where he could shove his notebook. It's a Curse Cut Short, but still pretty funny.
    • "One more thing L; please enjoy this Rickroll courtesy of your worst nightmare,"
  Matsuda: Aw damn! We've been Rickrolled!

Dragon Ball

• In Hermit, after Frieza is killed on Namek King Cold goes to Zuno and asks him to tell him everything he knows about his son's killer... And due the specific words of the question, Zuno is magically compelled to tell him the whole history of Goku's life.
  For a brief moment, King Cold wondered if keeping these fools alive was even worth it. He sighed. The information this man contained within his mind was far too valuable at the moment. He would simply have to make do. Zuno continued.
  "Believing him to be motivated by lecherous tendencies, the young girl lifted up her skirt in order to show the young boy her undergarments."
  King Cold groaned loudly, placing his right palm over his eyes.
  This was going to take a while. And it was not going to be pleasant.

Hetalia Axis Powers

• A Hetalia fanfic called "Never Before." America and England, while fighting in WWII, also have a pun war with each other. The results are hilarious, to say the least.
  HAVING A FINE TIME IN HILDESHEIM STOP
  HAVE YET TO FIND A HILDE STOP
  THERE MAY BE ONE IN WILDENHAUSEN STOP
  I ALSO HAVE THAT TOO STOP
  BUT BY THE TIME WE GET TO BREMEN FRANCE WILL BE IN BADEN-BADEN AND THAT'S NOT ALL BAD STOP
  ARE YOUR EARS BLEEDING YET FROM THE PUNS STOP
  IF NOT I'VE GOT A DIVISION OF THEM FULL STOP
  • Don't forget America's response to Pearl Harbor and being dragged into war with Japan: CLEARLY THE ANSWER IS TO SHOVE MY JETS SO FAR UP JAPAN'S ASS THAT HIS ANCESTORS FEEL IT AND CALL OFF THE ATTACK BEFORE IT HAPPENS
  • There's also the part where they're fighting together, only for France to unexpectedly begin shooting at them:
    Why is France shooting at us? I thought he wasn't supposed to shoot at us!
    Fuck if I know! I blame the syphilis!
    …he still has that, huh?
    America, what's worse than a clap-addled sex maniac under the thumb of the nazis?
    I dunno, what?
    A clap-addled sex maniac under the thumb of the nazis who is still sniping at you you idiot, get down!
    I'm getting down, I'm getting down—ha, okay, I think we've got the beachheads, I'm pretty sure I see France pulling out. Awesome.
    France, pulling out? Now that's something you don't see every day.
    Ha ha ha. Give me a hand with Oran, will you? I don't think I'm going to have any more problems with Casablanca.
    Certainly. I'll come in from the West.
    You know, Iggy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
    I think we ought to call it the end of the beginning.
• A Hetalia: Axis Powers Kink Meme fill featuring Canada leaving passive-aggressive notes: "Thank you all for talking over me through the last meeting. I hope it made you all feel better about your tiny landmasses."
  • Another, when America and Canada attempt to film Twincest porn: "Why would a pizza delivery guy deliver pizza to his brother's bedroom?"
  • One hilarious one has America discover how the nations have been putting requests on the kink meme for ages, and begins reading their prompts aloud as a team-building exercise. This reaches extreme heights of hilarity when Greece wakes up and joins in the conversation.
    "Natural thing," he said, when they'd finished. "Sex, I mean, not the internet, though if you consider beaver dams natural, are human creations so different? The human animal is an animal, of animal urges…"
    "Hey, this prompt is for Mama Greece and Mama Egypt dubcon," America said.
    "…and I will kill you all like animals," Greece finished, and snapped his pen in half.
  • The rest of the fic is the nations reading said Ancient Greece/Ancient Egypt fic aloud, passing the phone from one another as Greece attacks them. By the end? "Greece had to be sedated, England needed three stitches (and some alone time), and France had to get a new phone." And according to the footnotes, Hungary provided the sedatives for "…Horse…emergencies"
• The Hetalia: Axis Powers fanfiction Chasing an Empty Dream manages to be hilarious, even with the romantic and Tear Jerker elements to it. One such moment is in Chapter 15, when Germany has discovered that he used to be the Holy Roman Empire and Prussia wants him to tell Italy the news.
  Germany stiffened when he heard a familiar "Ciao!" on the other line. "Hey there, Italy! You'll never guess what—!"
  Germany swiped the phone out of Prussia's hands. "Wrong number," he hissed into the receiver and hung up.
  Prussia blinked. "I called him by his name. You really gonna think he'll believe that?"
  (In Italy)
  "Hey fratello, who was that?"
  "Wrong number!"
  (Back in the plot…)
  • The next chapter is cracky from beginning to end, as Germany tries to go on a date with Italy. Romano finds out and spies on them in a Paper-Thin Disguise of a mustache as their waiter, which Italy completely fails to notice ("Ve~ you know, if you shaved that mustache, you'd look just like my brother…"). Hilarity Ensues as Spain bursts in with an ax, England bursts in with his eyebrows dyed pink, France bursts in to carry off England, and Canada has to get rid of an overly-excited America. There's also this exchange, as Germany and Italy have a bowl of pasta together:
    Germany swallowed, feeling his face getting red. "Err, I don't mind…sharing…" he mumbled.
    (Outside: "You communist!" America shouted.)
• The Hetalia: Axis Powers Kink Meme fill Guys, Greece Is Never Holding This Conference Again. Ever. is pretty much hilarious from beginning to end, as Eros, god of love, decides to fix some political tensions by making the nations fall in love with each other. The entire thing is cracky, but especially hilarious are the responses the non-infected nations have to this all.
  "Silence!" shouted Germany over all the voices and started pointing at nations one at a time. "Denmark! Get Sweden to his own chair! Finland, stop recording already! Hungary! You too! Prussia! Stop laughing! Japan, stop taking notes of this! Egypt, would you stop looking like nothing has happened? And Greece! What the fuck is going on!?"
  Greece stared to the window past Germany where Eros was doing a victory dance to himself. "How should I know?"
• One Hetalia fanfiction has England drunkenly crashing a re-enactment of the American Revolutionary War. This results in him screaming and swearing at the participants, which the viewers seem to find more entertaining than the actual performance.
  The angry British man had begun to attract a larger crowd than the war reenactment itself. Amused Americans used cell phones and cameras to record him as he swung himself across the field, flailing his arms in a failed attempt to point at everyone at the same time. In less than two hours a video titled "Crazy British Guy" would gain 4,000 hits on youtube before it was deleted by a disclosed source.
  • There's also this gem:
    "You are a gentleman and a scholar, my boy," England said in a clearer, happier voice than before. "I don't know why I ever doubted you."
    "You too, buddy," America smirked, mentally cataloguing it all for future story telling. Or maybe blackmailing.
  • Towards the end, England (still drunk) promises American that he can have his second-best unicorn, Wistera. When England finally sobers up later in the day, there's this exchange:
    "Hey there sleeping beauty," he teased when England finally finished and collapsed back against his pillow.
    "Sod off. What the hell did I do last night?"
    "You mean this morning."
    "Oh, Christ…"
    "Don't worry, I'll tell you the whole story later," he said, closing his eyes again. "And I'll take good care of Wisteria, I promise."

Kenichi: History's Mightiest Disciple

• Moments from the Peggy Sue fic History Strongest Disciple Again:
  • What is one of the first things Kenichi does once he meets fellow time traveler Nijima again? He punches him-out of reflex.
  • Pretty much everything of the dinner where Kenichi and Honoka invite their best friends over:
    • Upon finding out that Kenichi has invited Miu (the third time traveler), the Elder gives him severe rules, and concludes with:
      "Rule 4: I am the way, and I know when you aren't following my rules. Break any of them, and you'll find some bones surely broken too."
    • Honoka tells Kenichi and Miu that her friend will bring with her her older brother, and that they had been adopted but now live alone due the death of their stepfather but are nonetheless rich. They tell themselves that it can't be the Tanimoto siblings... And their reaction when it turns out they are is priceless.
    • Kenichi's father ditching a work meeting because he heard Honoka brought home a boy and wanted to threaten him with one of his shotguns. Tanimoto, who thought it was about his company, is completely floored by it... And the mother putting him in his place.
    • Kenichi's father suddenly giving him and Tanimoto The Talk, and their vain attempts at avoiding it.
    • Kaede Tanimoto wants to track down Sogetsu Ma... Because she's convinced he ran out on their mahjong match, that he was losing. And as her brother's musings later reveal, it would have been the 100th time in a row.
    • During the talk Tanimoto had vowed to kill Kenichi for accidentally pulling him into it, but after the dinner he was changing his mind... Then Kaede muses that she wants Kenichi's mother to be their mother too and it could happen if she married Kenichi (or her brother married Honoka), and he decides to murder Kenichi at the earliest opportunity.
  • Shigure convincing herself she and Sakaki had a date and Akisame's reaction.
  • When Kenichi, Miu and Nijima announce they'll go at Koryo High in spite of their high grades, their teachers, worried for the poor reputation of their chosen school, try to convince them otherwise, and when that fails they go to talk with their parents. Kenichi's father just says he supports Kenichi, but with the other two, Hilarity Ensues:
    • Two of Miu's teachers go at Ryozanpaku... And are greeted by Apachai and Sakaki. They very wisely run away.
    • One of Nijima's teachers goes at his house... And disappears for a week. He's later seen again showing signs of brainwashing.
  • When Kenichi is brought to Ryozanpaku to reveal the masters he's a time traveler, Kensei, Akisame and Sakaki demand proof he knows their habits:
    • Kenichi convinces Kensei by handing him his favorite dirty magazine.
    • While not decisive, the first proof he brings to Akisame is his glorious hatred of green pepper.
    • With Sakaki, he declares that his fiancee is Jennifer Gray. Cue denial... And Shigure asking if Sakaki was having an affair with her when they had a date, angering Akisame. That Sakaki tries to pacify by saying he's not interested in Shigure... Prompting a demand of why and if he thinks Shigure is not good enough.
  • At one point a trio of thugs plan to attack Miu during a date in revenge for having been beaten up by her, and want to sell her into slavery. Just one problem: her grandfather heard them. You can guess how it ends.
  • In the original timeline, Ukita never found out Shiratori is actually a girl. Here he finds out... Because when he quits Kisara's subgroup of Ragnarok he ends up fighting her, and in the process accidentally gropes her, and squeezes more than once to try and understand what those fat bumps are. He's promptly kicked in the head by Shiratori, Kisara and Miu.
    • And of course, Takeda and the male members of Kisara's gang are shocked at the reveal.
    • It later comes out that the triple kick made Ukita forget.
  • In the original timeline, Nijima had to trick Kenichi, Takeda and Ukita to help him with Loki's ambush. In this one he does the same thing with Ukita, uses other means to have there Kenichi and Takeda... But his main counter to the ambush is James Shiba, the world's greatest boxer. Curb-Stomp Battle doesn't even start to describe how one-sided it was...
  • To deal with Kenichi, Loki had the idea of kidnapping Honoka... And succeeded on the fourth attempt. What had happened on the first three times left him and his Shadows traumatized:
    • #1: one of the Shadows tries to nab her in the presence of her father. Who opens fire... Because he thinks he's trying to flirt with her.
    • #2: three Shadows try and kidnap Honoka while she's with her mother... Who's quite good with the skillets, and has more than she should possibly have. And then her father arrived with two guns.
    • #3: this time Loki went out in person with all his Shadows, made sure she was alone, so they attacked outside any store for fear the owner had a machine gun... And tried to jump her right after she had met with Apachai.
      "… Is it too late to get the crazy gun guy again?" Shadow 20 whimpered.
      [...]
      Hours later, Loki's forces were making their way back to base empty-handed. Though not physically injured too much, Apachai had decided to show off to Honoka how he could juggle eight people with his legs.
      The trauma and damage to his team's cohesion were devastating.
      Especially after he had to forfeit his team's match in the annual Ragnarok Soccer fundraiser due to his team's unanimous fear of dribbling.
  • When Freya and her Valkyries show up to punish Kisara's presumed betrayal of Ragnarok, Miu immediately asks one thing: why exactly do Freya's group and Kisara share the same codename? It's enough to get Freya to blush-and admit she has no idea.
    • Turns out, Freya is terrified by mice-and Kenichi just happened to have Tochumaru with him.
    • Of course, one of the Valkyries decides to deal with the mouse and squash him with her nunchaku. Cue the shocking discovery Tochumaru is better with that weapon.
    • And after Shigure has arrived and driven away Freya and the Valkyries, Nijima shows up to recruit Kisara... And has Siegfried with him. A dozen kittens out of nowhere later, Kisara has been recruited.
  • Turns out, Nijima has access to his cousin Hiruma's blackmail folder.
  • How does Sho Kano's react to finding out Miu is dating Kenichi? He asks them to break up. And when that fail, he tries to kill Kenichi... For completely unrelated reasons.
  • How did Nijima take control of the Zanshin Taisha-ryuu, a dojo affiliated with Yami? Easy: they had the bright idea of attacking Ryozanpaku and ended up racking up a huge debt between the challenge fees and the medical expenses, and when Yami refused to pay for their stupidity Nijima bought it.
    • From that we have a Running Gag of Zanshin Taisha-ryuu members showing up in the most disparate odd jobs to Work Off the Debt, the one with less indignity being their leader bodyguarding Kaede Tanimoto while being ordered around by her with the threat of reporting him to her brother.
  • Sho Kano interacting with the rest of Yomi. That's all.
  • As in the original timeline, during the DofD tournament Rachel decides to invent a feud with Kenichi to get more attention. Just one problem: knowing what was coming, Kenichi escaped right before she could start.
  • Garyu X's antics manage to be even funnier than in the original timeline simply due having almost all of Yomi as witnesses and his victims being not Kenichi and Miu but the Shinpaku Alliance fighters.

    "What the hell is this?" hissed Sho, "What the hell is Ryozanpaku comprised of, maniacs?"
    "It does seem to be rather... extreme," admitted Tirawit.
    "Who cares, now this is entertainment!" shouted Rachel in glee, who was for once not angry at the show being stolen. The disciples all had to admit, though, seeing the Invincible Superman in action was certainly worth watching.

    • After Garyu X has "left" and returned as the Elder, Siegfried announces he wants him to be his master. Cue horror-and then relief when he explains he wants to learn his voice techniques to improve his musical skills.
  • At the summer camp there's a swim race between the boys. Near the end it appears that it'll be either Kenichi or Sho to win... Then, literally at the last moment, Nijima surpasses them both. He had decided to imagine Kokin was chasing him...
  • When Kei Retsumin, the Human Calamity, shows up, Kaku shouts in fear about his reputation of having killed more people than any plague... In front of Natsu, Sho, and Tirawit. They promptly point out it's at least hard to believe that he killed more people than the Black Plague and guess that he may have forced people to call him that to start his reputation, before Sho remembers that Hongo told him about Kei and called him "inefficient, brutish, and devoid of any style!"
    "I was planning to deal with you with one arm," started Kei slowly as he put the birdcage on top of his head, "But now, I'm going to kill all of you with both arms! Then I'll kill your pathetic masters!"
  • Renka, Sho, Natsu, Tirawit, and the Three-Headed Dragon seeing Apachai inflicting "The Punch You Don't Let Good Children See" on Kei.
    "I will... have to revise my assessment of Khru Agaard's opinion of Apachai Hopachai," noted Tirawit. In regards to Apachai, Tirawit had always believed that Agaard had been exaggerating when he said that Apachai didn't know how to hold back, considering Apacahi was a Katsujinken fighter. Now, he was believing that Agaard had understated that part.
  • Mildred, the bow user of the Eight Executioner Blades, is angered by the name Shirahama. Why? Well, she can't remember why exactly, only that is linked with gunshots and a laugh.
  • Everything about Diego Carlo tricking Mihai Stirbey into challenging Kenichi to face his Disciple.
    • Why did he do so? Because he had wanted to set up a fight between Kenichi and Rachel as part of entertaining a crowd before realizing his Disciple and adopted daughter had no chance to last more than a few seconds, and he needed to fill that hole... So he decided to troll the one member of the Eight Executioner Blades that is liked by nobody.
    • The final part: after the battle on Diego's ship happened, Mihai protested to the One Shadow Nine Fists members for not warning the Executioner Blades about Kenichi's ki abilities... Except they had long sent a very detailed warning, most of the Executioner Blades had just ignored it due the rivalry between armed and unarmed fighters.
  • When Kenichi and Miu go to Disneyland on a date a quartet of members from YOMI's armed division decide to spy on them but go unarmed to not provoke the sleeping giant... That is, Disney: turns out they have powerful martial artists to promote their business interests, with the "Princesses" being their equivalent of YOMI, Walt Disney being now the title for someone comparable to Hayato Furinji himself, and his seconds in command, codenames Mickey and Oswald, being almost as strong.
  • Sho Kano getting a member of YOMI's Armed Squad to hunt down a panty thief targeting Izumi.
    • Said thief's identity: Izumi's stalker, that is the younger sister of her best friend. And upon being caught she proceeded to describe how she imagines her wedding night... In details.
    • Sho Kano realizing his "rival" for Izumi's heart is a big-chested girl with no martial arts training.
    'The Kuremisago must never know about this!'
  • Kushinada being annihilated at Majohng by Kaede. Later that day, the Elder finds her at a bar.

Love Hina

• In Art Pamphlet, this exchange occurs when Tsuruko starts showing interest in Keitaro.
  Kitsune: What makes you think you can just sweep Keitaro off his feet?
  Tsuruko: This. [promptly sweeps Keitaro off his feet and carries him out of the room]

My Hero Academia

• In ''Riled Up, in the morning after Izuku and Ochako's first time, Izuku comes down the stares limping and not long afterwards Ochako comes along and confirms it before taking him off on a date. The girls are ecstatic over the new couple, Bakugo is speechless over the fact Izuku got laid before him, Mineta and Kaminari are ready to start a religion worshipping Izuku, and Todoroki... well:
  Todoroki: So Midoriya and Uraraka are a couple now?
  Iida: It appears so…while I do not approve of them engaging in such carnal acts, I cannot stop them so…frankly I’m terrified Uraraka-kun would float me to the moon if I tried. All I can hope is they are using protection.
  Todoroki: So they might get married soon?
  Shoji: Why don’t I like where this is going?
  Todoroki: So that means they can adopt me.
  Asui, facepalming: This is going to end well.
  Todoroki: Yaoyorozu we’re planning a wedding right now. My new parents will be so happy…does that mean All Might will be my grandfather? Perfect, Endeavour will hate this.
  Ashido: Oooh a marriage! They’re already on the honeymoon! It’s perfect!
  Yaoyorozu: Bad Ashido! No planning weddings for your classmates!
• In Unexpected the rules of the U.A. entrance exam allow a candidate to bring anything as long as it fits the gate of the practical test area... So Izuku shows up with a tank. Built by Hatsume Mei.
• In Izuku's Catsuki, Izuku has a Quirk: to turn anyone he touches into a cat, lasting one day per year they've lived. He's pretty much invincible with it.
• Questions and Answers: When Izuku first arrives to class, Bakugou goes off on how he told Izuku not to become a hero, which causes Izuku to start searching around the room.
  Bakugou: Oi! Deku! What the fuck are you looking for, stalker?!
  Izuku: Oh, don't worry about me, Bakugou. I was just searching for where the fuck I asked for your opinion on the matter.
• "A Study in Firsts":
  • Chapter 1 details how the students of 1-A ended up regularly breaking things in the dorm after moving in thanks to accidental Quirk usage and poorly planned layouts. Many are humorous in their own right, but the crowning incident is "The Bomb". Bakugo's Quirk has him sweat nitroglycerin, and he regularly works out leaving his clothes covered in sweat. Problem is, their washing machine lacked the capabilities to actually handle nitroglycerin safely. Normally, nitroglycerin is only dangerous if a spark ignites it, but it changes overtime, releasing deadly fumes that stick low to the ground and are capable of detonating with just the tiniest amount of friction. Since they couldn't leave the campus to get things to handle it, Momo didn't have the confidence to make something herself, and none of them were eager to admit this to Aizawa out of fear he'll punish them, they broke open one of the vacant doors and just kept tossing Bakugo's dirty laundry in there and hoping no one goes in there, effectively making a ticking time bomb! When Aizawa finally learns of the damages and has them fess up so he can get the proper repairs, no one wanted to admit it, only for Bakugo and Midoriya to return from their run and Bakugo letting it slip. A freaking bomb squad then had to be called as UA is evacuated, since apparently "The Bomb" was dangerous enough to destroy 1/4 of the campus! Yes, Bakugo's sweaty socks could destroy a quarter of UA! Suffice to say, Aizawa is not exactly pleased he's stuck with 1-A.
    • Chapter 9 makes it funnier. While everyone is stuck under the effects of an impulsive truth-telling Quirk, Aizawa asks if any of them even know how to do laundry. Most of them say no, except Bakugo, who admits he can do laundry but is fully aware the school lacks the right detergent for his sweat. When Aizawa asks him why he didn't just say that instead of letting "The Bomb" get made, Bakugo admits he did it For the Lulz.
  • Chapter 7 has a support aid make everyone switch Quirks for a few days.
    • Iida ends up with Koda's "Anivoice", and one of the first things he ends up doing with it is... get into a debate with some birds. Midoriya just remarks that sounds like something he'd do. Iida later remarks that birds have no sense of tax evasion.
    • Jiro ends up with Aoyama's "Naval Laser". Unfortunately, she had a belly button piercing, and when it accidentally went off it got destroyed.
    • Sato ends up with Tokoyami's "Dark Shadow". When everyone switches back, he declares he's filing for joint custody.
    • Aizawa got caught in the effects too, and ended up with Midoriya's "One for All". And proceeded to wreck not only his arm, but four of the dorm rooms. Midoriya can only laugh and call it karma.
  • Chapter 9 has the whole gang get hit by what's basically an impulsive truth-telling Quirk, and they use this for Truth or Dare (and pretty soon just "Truth"). Uraraka asks Momo what she has made with her Quirk that she regrets the most.
  Instantly Momo flinched back, her face blanched. Her hands came close to clutch each other close to her chest. She whispered, unable to stop, “a pasta noodle that I ate.” A pause, then Momo wailed in dismay. “You don’t understand! It just kept coming, and I kept eating it. I don’t know where the noodle ended and where I began- where does the noodle end?”
• Personality Swap AU: It starts when Aizawa decides that the best way to have his students come up with Hero personas is to assign them a classmate to imitate for a whole day... And after seeing how good Izuku was while imitating Bakugo, deciding to have him continue with the imitations pretty much solely to watch the chaos that ensues. The results are funny enough to have their own subpage.
  • Also, on the first day, Bakugo imitating Izuku just as well until he breaks character out of anger.
  • The full list of imitations so far is: Bakugo, Aizawa himself, Nezu, Present Mic, All Might (pre-Kamino), Midnight, Snipe, Tsukauchi, Gran Torino, and Shigaraki.
• In King of Beasts, Izuku being larger than All Might and matching his strength... Without using his Quirk. With it, he becomes a gigantic dragon.
  • The reactions are amazing, but the best ones are Aizawa's as he tries (and fails) to remain serious.
    Shōta Aizawa stared at his student. His flying student. He turned to his pad and scrolled to Izuku’s name. Standing long jump: ‘Yes.’
    
    He paused, glancing numbly up again before looking back to the pad. Distance running: Also ‘Yes.’
• Mina's Valentine's Day Mistake: Mina accidentally sexting Izuku leads to him having sex with both her and Ochako.
  Mineta: It's not fair! It's not fair! Why does he get the two of them!?
  Katsuki: Try not being the anthropomorphic embodiment of the sex offender list, and you might have better luck.
  • Ochako's reaction to realizing Mina is having sex with Izuku as well.
    "That fucking hussy!” Ochako screeched as she tore out of her seat. What happened next was a comical demonstration of the doppler effect as she ran up the stairwell. Her screams of righteous feminine fury fading in and out as she went around the staircase to the fourth floor.
  • It then escalates from there. First Momo goes up to lecture them and ends up joining. Then Toru claims she's "going to do recon" before throwing all her clothes off and running up. Then Kyouka, now red as a tomato, reaches her limit and runs up to join them. Then Iida points out Tsuyu has gone missing, and they all suddenly hear croaking from Izuku's room. And then Midnight shows up because she "sensed" Izuku having sex with every girl from Class 1-A. While Denki struggles to do the math on how fast she was running and whether she broke a record or not, she rushes up there and joins in.
    Midnight: Don't worry. I ran right over here once I sensed it.
    Shoto: Don't you live 10 kilometers away?
  • Unable to do more than try to watch tv and drown out the noise, the boys of 1-A begin hearing the floorboards creak. They react accordingly.
    Denki: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!
    The remaining members of Class 1-A could only stare at Denki as he jumped straight through a sheet of plate glass. It was only when they saw him get up and run away bloody and screaming did they snap into hysteria-fueled action.
    Shoto covered the floor in ice to both hasten his escape and to prevent the others from leaving, following the logic of "you don't have to outrun the bear". Katsuki blasted a hole into the wall and ran through it. Following his lead Rikido, Yuga, Eijiro, Mezo, and Fumikage used their own quirks to blast separate holes into the walls to escape, rather than use the one that Katsuki had already made. Koji and Tenya ran out through the front door like sensible people. Hanta stuck himself to Tenya with his tape and rode his way out. Mashirao placed a lampshade on his head and, for the first time in his life, hoped that he wasn’t noticeable.
    And Minoru? Minoru laid there like a slug, it was his only defense.
  • The following Monday has Izuku in the cafeteria being doted on by the girls of 1-A and Midnight, and no one having seen the boys since. The reactions vary:
    • Monoma is convinced this is a plan from 1-A to make 1-B look bad by turning Izuku into a fantasy harem protagonist. He then plans to seduce Mei and get his chaps from home so he can become a Science Western protagonist.
    Monoma: And they would see which one of them made for a better Genre fusion protagonist!
    • The girls of 1-B meanwhile have heard the rumours and can't stop blushing whenever they look at Izuku. Even Itsuka is too distracted to Dope Slap Monoma during his rambling.
    • The staff of UA are inexplicably in the cafeteria... getting wasted. Nedzu and Snipe are already passed out, Present Mic is bawling over possibly losing his teaching license from this, Recovery Girl is chain smoking while Power Loader is getting high, All Might is downing vodka by the bottle, and Aizawa is drunkenly blaming him for this happening, claiming rumors of All Might needing an entire building of women to satisfy him. Even better, a bunch of the students overhear Aizawa's rambling and begin descending into chaos, but Aizawa and All Might are too messed up to care, instead just succumbing to alcohol poisoning and passing out.
    • Lastly, All For One somehow senses all this, and can only confusedly question why he's suddenly proud and a bit envious, before chalking it up to gas and going on a tangent about in all his years, he could never find a Quirk to deal with gas. The tags include "All For One is Midoriya Hisashi", implying he's feeling proud of Izuku for both sleeping with so many women and causing All Might pain, but envious over his son getting with such a large amount of women.
  • The fic would receive a surprise second chapter almost a year later, and made clear the madness didn't end there.
    • Himiko, sent on a recon mission by Tomura, is right outside of UA when she suddenly hears screaming and glass breaking. Her first instinct is that Twice stole Magne's pudding again, before a body landed right next to her, making her think it's Dabi after having stolen Mr. Compress' mask again.
    • Turns out, it's Izuku, having jumped out a window with his back all bloody from scratches and cuts. After Himiko pokes him with a stick, he wakes up and runs off screaming without even noticing her. Himiko, being compared to a curious kitten by the narrator, proceeds to lick up his blood and turns into him... only to then meet the reason why Izuku was running: the girls of 1-B. Turns out they had kidnapped him after getting curious about his "prowess" and had been having "fun" with him, and proceed to drag Himiko back with them thinking she's him.
    • When Himiko returns to the League the next day, she's dissheveled, covered in "sticky fluids", and unnaturally solemn claiming she just wants to go to sleep, all but saying the girls had their way with Himiko after failing to do so with Izuku. The rest of the League all agree to keep drinking till they either forget what they saw or the world makes sense again.
    • For that matter, when she comes back, Dabi is trying to stop himself from lighting everyone on fire. The reason for his ire? He's losing badly at poker, to Twice, who despite arguing with himself and outright narrating what he's gonna do, still doesn't have a noticeable tell for Dabi to exploit, and is one move away from winning Dabi's jacket. They all quickly abandon the game once seeing Himiko's state.
• CuriouslyDeku!:
  • Izuku combines Five Hour Monster Energy with Deathwish Coffee then tweets his intention to "fight God and/or Stain, whoever [he] finds first". Immediately afterwards is a newspaper declaring Stain was arrested after a Quirkless teenager beat him unconscious with a frying pan.
  • Before that, Izuku and Chitose ponder, "If Stain is getting rid of the stain in society, why doesn’t he just call himself Mr. Clean?"
  • In Shigaraki's Announcement, a sequel to CuriouslyDeku!, Kurogiri sues All For One for child support, citing the man kept "bringing in strays and expecting him to raise them". Cue All Might tweeting to "Never forget to pay child support. Only villains do that."
• Rules for 1A is a long rules for Class 1A due to various Noodle Incidents throughout their tenure. Some examples include:
  • 19. Shoji: Stop challenging people to “tongue wrestling.” I don’t know if that’s just how you ask people to make out or if it’s an arm wrestling match where your arm is a tongue, but I don’t need to hear about it either way.
    • 19a. Tsuyu: Just because you beat Shoji at tongue wrestling doesn’t mean you can challenge everyone to try and take the title of Tongue Wrestling Champion from you.
  • 34. When someone asks you to pass the salt, please pass them the salt. Do not produce a hand-written list of every complaint Bakugo has made about Midoriya and begin reading aloud in a whiny voice. It never ends well for anyone.
  • 38. Midoriya: Yes, everyone in the class and quite a few other students in the school are attracted to you. Yes, you’re very dense to have not noticed before you read this just now. No, there’s not really a rule here, just figure something out before this university gets torn apart by students trying to win your heart.
    • Even better? Hearing that leaves Midoriya catatonic for the rest of the list and the events after.
  • 58. Yaoyorozu: Please stop making custom badges for made-up accomplishments. I don’t know what it means to be the "seventest best was at the highfor box to of how" but I know I nearly had an aneurism trying to figure it out.
  • 81. Todoroki: The conspiracies need to stop. You can’t just confront people with posterboards full of “irrefutable evidence” and take their stunned silence as confirmation. As such, you’re not allowed to talk about the following topics:
    • a. Midoriya being All Might’s secret love child.
    • b. Uraraka being 13’s secret love child.
    • c. Shinso being my secret love child.
    • d. Monoma being All for One’s secret love child.
    • e. Bakugo being your own secret love child from the future (I’m genuinely afraid of what chain of logic could possibly have brought you to that conclusion).
    • f. What kind of animal Nezu is (Even if it’s a valid question).
    • g. If Dabi’s your brother (If you need a conspiracy to tell you if someone’s the person you grew up with, they probably aren’t).
    • h. If Asui’s actually a toad.
    • i. Whether Aoyama’s French or just faking it.
    • j. If Monoma actually exists.
    • k. If Midoriya’s real Quirk is “being hot enough to transcend sexualities.”
    • l. If Hagakure is just a mass hallucination.
    • m. If aliens are real and laughing at you
    • n. Whether Nezu’s planning to take over the world (This one may actually be true, but it’s best not to get on his bad side).
    • o. Reflections actually being secret reverse dimensions.
    • p. The apparent oversaturation of Italian ice shops compared to people who actually eat Italian ice.
    • q. If we’re all living in a computer simulation (I don’t care what the 1B students are giving you as evidence).
    • r. Secret elves that hide in the walls and clean the dorms at night (Iida’s the one who cleans up after you all, the least you can do is acknowledge his effort).
    • s. Mothman
  • 82. Midoriya: Skeletons are not the real enemy, and your foolhardy use of your Quirk is not a serious and decisive strike against them. Stop trying to convince your classmates to join you in a Skeleton War, you’re far too effective at recruitment.
  • 89. Jiro: Recording and altering Momona’s rants against the class to play back at him is petty and rude. Please give all such recordings to Kendo at your soonest convenience, I think she’ll make better use of them.
  • 128. If someone asks you what your Quirk is, don’t look them dead in the eyes, say "spiders," and then walk away without explanation.
  • 158. Yaoyorozu: No matter what your classmates told you, rapidly throwing one dollar bills at someone is not a normal form of paying someone when using cash.
  • 173. Todoroki: Stop talking about how “chemicals in the water are turning the frogs gay,” even the Americans know that conspiracy’s nuts.
    • 174. Asui: Stop holding Pride Parades for Frogs in the school hallways, do that on your own time.
    • 175. Koda: Stop bringing hordes of frogs into school for Asui’s Pride Parades.
  • 199. Stop trying to maneuver each other into relationships. There’s enough of you doing it that even Sir Nighteye couldn’t untangle the mess of plots. Just go on dates like normal(ish) people.
    • a. Stop trying to maneuver people who aren’t even in your class into relationships. Your class should be enough to occupy you.
• The companion/follow up fic to Rules for 1A, This Is Why We Have The Rules, elaborates on why some of these rules came to be, and each one is more ridiculous than the last.
  • 10. Kirishima: Your battle cry is not allowed to be “time to get hard!”
    • Kirishima is busy trying to come up with a battle cry, before deciding to make it "I'M ROCK FUCKING HARD!" during a training match with Midoriya against Bakugo and Jiro. What follows is an onslaught of unknowing double entendre from Kirishima that breaks Bakugo to the point he passes out from rage, reduces Aizawa to a whimpering mess as he questions his life decisions, and has Jiro gasping for air from laughter. Midoriya, just as dense as Kirishima, is the only one unaffected as he tries to help Jiro up.
  • 33. Yaoyorozu: Stop giving Hatsume supplies. It’s hard enough to keep her in check when she has to request her materials, we don’t need you giving her microreactors and carbonate tesseracts in your spare time.
    • Covered while covering Rule 53, Powerloader comes across Yaoyorozu and Todoroki just finishing a transaction with Mei. The result? Midoriya suited up in Templar Power Armor themed after All Might and acting like he's set to join the Crusades. Power Loader's first thought is now understanding why Aizawa drinks.
  • 53. Ojiro: No, the school will not give you a trophy for being the class’s sanest member, even if it’s true.
    • A variety of insane situations the various staff members come across all while Ojiro is trying to act as the Only Sane Man of the group. The staff eventually decide to revoke this rule after realizing how sane Ojiro is compared to the rest of his class, and decide to give him a trophy. Problem is, Snipe is the one who picked out the trophy to Aizawa's frustration, so Ojiro's trophy is a fully functioning gun. Aizawa is just so done with it all he just tells Ojiro not to kill anyone with it but to otherwise go wild, before going to sleep right then and there.
  • 109. Midoriya: You are not allowed to start an inquisition to purge the school of people with an insufficient love of All Might. a. You are also not allowed to start an inquisition to purge the school of Endeavor supporters.
    • Aforementioned suit of armor made in Rule 33.
  • 156. I know insomnia is the norm for most of you, but don’t let Iida go more than a day or two without sleep. Apparently a few tired nights are all that separates him from “stickler for rules” to “ironfisted dictator.”
    • Iida, suffering insomnia from the rest of the class keeping him up playing video games for two nights straight now, managed to break into Principal Nezu's office, solved a puzzle that, in Nezu's own words "needed an astronomical level of intelligence and several months of investigative work", and would grant whoever solved it complete control over U.A.. Nezu can tell Iida has gone completely mad as he calls it his "ascension", and begins ranting about how he's gonna force his classmates to conform to his rules, all while claiming he has become above God. Finally having enough, Nezu tazes Iida into unconsciousness before having some drones drag him to bed, as he then gets to work on making the puzzle even more complicated while planning to talk to Aizawa about his students copying his sleeping habits.
• Originally a one shot Chat Fic, Deku does a whoopsie by "TheAshenOne" ends up giving 1A, now 2A, a shock after Izuku accidentally posts a dickpic to the private chat rather than PM it to Ochako like he intended.
  • Before the reveal, Bakugo gets into a rant about Momo being a Lethal Chef, and nearly gets into a fight with Kyoka until Kirishima calms him. Everyone else remarks on how Eijiro has "tamed" Bakugo, with none of them taking his threats seriously anymore.
  • Ojiro, who goes by the handle "thirdleg", feels he has to relinquish his name to Izuku after seeing his member. Kaminari meanwhile is amazed Ojiro actually has a sense of humor.
  • Iida, upon seeing it, has his glasses crack and then goes to the Corner of Woe.
  • Tsuyu tries to stop the others from being mad at Izuku and Ochako by highlighting it was an accident that the two clearly are upset about... before deciding to reveal to everyone that all of the girls and Izuku have been in a secret polycule, much to the other girls and Izuku's mortification.
  • Mineta, who had his suspicions about Izuku and Ochako already and had accused Momo and Toru of cucking Ochako, is left crying Tears of Blood when he finds out he was (partly) right.
  • The overall reactions to Izuku's member are funny across the board. Todoroki goes to wash the "sin" out of his mind, Momo got so distracted she let the steak she was cooking burn, Dark Shadow hijacks Tokoyami's phone so he can praise it, Bakugo wants to kick Izuku's ass and insults Ochako when she tries to tell him off, earning him a slap, and Aoyama swoons before fainting, and then asks if Izuku was bisexual when he woke up.
  • In chapter 2, Iida tries finding Momo to discuss things regarding class, and knocks on her room door. When she says to come in, Iida finds all the girls sans Toru sitting there butt naked, with Tsuyu smacking him across the face as they scream in fright. They had thought it was Izuku knocking since he and Toru went to do all their laundry at once, and decided to just stay in Momo's room until they came back. Both Iida and Tsuyu apologize to each other immediately after.
    • Momo nearly walks out of the room in a daze after she gets a whiff of Sato's cookies, while still naked. Turns out she can get very strong when hungry.
      Ochako: god if she was this terrifying when on patrol Japan's villain problem would disappear overnight
    • Aoyama calls in for help when he catches Mineta trying to crawl through the vents to Momo's room. At this point, the whole class is just jaded to how big a pervert Mineta is and treat tying him up more like a chore than anything.
    • When Aoyama speaks in Gratuitous French afterwards, Kaminari laments how he can't speak french. So Aoyama decides to troll him by speaking solely in french and refusing to translate.
    • Todoroki quickly joins the chat and claims Izuku is cheating on the others, having seen him making out with someone he'd never seen before. When he posts a picture he took in secret, they tell him the girl is Toru, having been working on how to make herself visible. You can actually feel the deadpan looks from Tsuyu and Ochako.
    • Iida proceeds to chastise Todoroki for his Skewed Priorities in choosing to tell the chat about a girl being on campus he's never seen before instead of telling the staff. He only weakly protests he thought she was an underclassman. Ochako meanwhile wants to kill Todoroki now for giving her a panic attack, and Izuku, once he comes on, asks why he didn't just send Ochako a PM?
      Todoroki: I panicked?
  • In chapter 3, Kaminari had gone over to Mina's room hoping he could copy her homework, and catches the entire polycule there playing strip poker, most of the girls in only their underwear while Izuku was fully clothed, none of them even noticing Kaminari. Seemingly learning from what Todoroki did, he takes a picture, but instead creates a private group chat consisting of only himself and the polycule.
    • It was Mina's idea to play, wanting to see Izuku squirm at their naked bodies, but it backfired since his brain got locked on "blushing gentlemanly mess", causing to only look them dead in the eye, while doubling as a good poker face. When Kaminari asks how he can still be so skittish despite being in a relationship with all of them, they point out that Izuku is a bit of a Mood-Swinger, Kaminari accurately guess his two "modes" are "Cinnamon Roll" and "Sinnamon Roll".
    • Kaminari quickly changes topics and decides to ask how the whole polycule happened. Turns out it was initially just Izuku and Ochako, but they were having issues since Izuku had way more stamina than she could handle, leaving her numb by the end of their sessions and unable to actually feel any pleasure. So they decided to invite Tsuyu, but when Ochako asked her in front of the entire group, they all revealed their own feelings for Izuku, and rather than get stuck in some "harem anime pining bs", they'd try out the polycule thing, finding out they not only love it, but that they're also bisexual and in love with each other too.
      Kaminari: holy fucking shit
      Tsuyu: guess it is a lot to take in
      Momo: Honestly, any other outcome would have resulted in a massive heartache for everyone.
      Kaminari: no I mean that was a fuckin essay, how’d you type all that so fast
      Tsuyu: trade secrets
      Toru: she uses her tongue to type
    • Kaminari noticed how Tsuyu said Izuku was the "the only one you'd all be comfortable dating", but Toru quickly gets rid of the notion none of the other guys were attractive to the girls, Tsuyu had just meant that all of the girls would be comfortable sharing. Turns out, the two runner ups behind Izuku were Todoroki and Kaminari himself. Mina and Toru were his main supporters, and Ochako, Momo, and Tsuyu could see it if unlikely, but Kyoka was the holdout, the two of them being too much Like Brother and Sister to work. As for Todoroki, everyone but Momo were fine with him, but Momo declined because she had already asked him out in their first year, but he turned her down because he was not only going through his own issues, he was actually contemplating whether he may be asexual.
      Kaminari: nice, I have some of my pride intact
      Kyoka: wipe the smug look off your face please
      Kaminari: you can't see my face
      Kyoka: I know it’s there da
    • When Kaminari asks about others, including Bakugo, the fic gives a bit of a Take That! to the "Bakugo x Uraraka" ship, Ochako mentioning how she already doesn't like him for what he did to Izuku in the past, but really hates all the fan works she's found online about the two of them after their fight in the Sports Festival, with Kyoka Leaning on the Fourth Wall about the possible mindset behind said shippers.
      Kyoka: honestly some of it seems like blatant self projection, and I can kinda see why. If you knew nothing else about him, he's a good-looking edgy punk with zero respect for people around him. I guess some girls like that, though to actively look for a boyfriend who seems to be a colossal dickweasel I will never understand.
    • Izuku finally loses a hand, much to Mina's delight that he'll have to take something off... only for him to just take a sock off, much to her frustration.
    • When Izuku finally joins, he's initially confused on why Kaminari is on their groupchat. Kaminari has to spell out that he invited them onto one he made, and Izuku checks the backlog. Once he does, Izuku reiterates what Mina said about how what he heard in this chat stays between them, and that they know where he sleeps. When Kaminari asks why he suddenly feels more terrified than he's ever felt in his life before, Mina brings up that it's the normal reaction to Izuku when he's threatening, referencing when he called Bakugo by name after he ate the last of the Katsudon.
      Ochako: he looked like he was about to piss himself. Good times
• It's Not Quirkist If They're Actually An Infernal Agent Of Satan, Right? by SauronClaus: A Crack Fic that starts off with Kaminari asking if Ashido is a devil, and then snowballs from there.
  • Turns out Ashido has been getting her classmates to sign away their souls to her in exchange for various gifts, none of them even realizing it despite her using a contract made of living skin. Ashido can only deny it wasn't human skin, with Kirishima suddenly realizing that's why his contract burst into flames and screams after signing it, with everyone staring at him incredulously. Iida meanwhile is more focused on the idea of selling souls being against the rules even citing a specific rule, until Shinso points out that the UA rulebook actually does allow the trading of souls due to various other rules, with Iida actually checking and getting depressed when he finds its true.
  • Ashido apparently doesn't need the souls, it's just in her nature as a devil to want them and make contracts, stating she'll only keep them until they die. So she gave Kirishima a Quirk Awakening and Hagakure an obsidian BFS and the ability to turn her Quirk off. Uraraka actually asks how much money Ashido would be able to give her, before immediately agreeing to sign when Ashido says she could give ¥2000 and a dime. The only one she refuses to take the soul of is Mineta, who keeps trying to summon her, and she's seriously considering setting him on fire, Hagakure offering to stab him for her.
  • Ibara suddenly jumps in through the window with Tetsutetsu and Monoma acting as exorcists, with Ashido calling on Kirishima and Hagakure to hold them off respectively, the latter two even revealed to be cousins here. This lasts until Ashido disarms Ibara, the two proceeding to make out and revealing they're actually girlfriends, and this is just their form of foreplay. They proceed to take their leave, Tetsutetsu jumping back out the wall, with Hagakure pointing out they could just use the door, which Monoma proceeds to do.
  • Todoroki then randomly reveals that he is a Half-Human Hybrid, with Rei apparently being a devil, and that he has made it his mission to kill all devils so as to redeem his foul bloodline, and hears the voices of his ancestors calling for blood every night he doesn't do so. While he's giving up on that now since Ashido is a devil, he warns her just in case as she can only look in bemusement.
  • After everything is over, Kaminari asks if his asking Ashido if she was a devil counts as being Quirkest when she actually is one, with everyone pointing out that, yeah, it is. This forces Kaminari to put some change in the "Kaminari Said Something Offensive Accidentally" jar, which is rather full. Said jar is shown next to a "Mineta Said Something Peverted" and "Midoriya Broke a Bone" jar, each one fuller than the last.
  • Jiro is the Straight Man during all this insanity, being the only one concerned while everyone else treats Ashido buying their souls as a normal thing. She's not only incredulous that not even the skin contract tipped Kaminari off, but that Ashido still won't clarify what kind of living skin she used, but is increasingly worried when Shinso mentions that Aizawa was complaining about sold souls but refuses to elaborate on the context.

Naruto

• This excerpt from Ask Me No Questions. (Yes, team 7 is Sasuke/Naruto/Hinata, and YES they fought a Shoggoth. (They're now in an alternate world now.)
  The description of the shoggoth was particularly vivid, as well as their various experiences inside the beast. Sasuke used a minor genjutsu, with permission from the adults who knew it was harmless, to give a brief recap of it chasing them out of the swamp, which he still remembered in vivid clarity.
  "Oh, my. I'm certainly glad we don't have those in our world," Sarutobi said grimly.
  "Really?!" Naruto asked.
  "No. I've fought some amazing things, including the Kyubi, but I've never seen or heard of anything like that," Kakashi confirmed, feeling a little proud of 'his' students.
  They paused to consider that amazing revelation that even some of the fundamental stuff of their world was not the same in the new one.
  Then, very seriously, Sasuke walked over and gave Kakashi a hug.
  Kakashi was, needless to say, somewhat freaked out by this.
  "Best. Alternate." Hinata began.
  "World. EVER!" Naruto cheered. "Woohoo! No shoggoths! Goodbye nightmares, hello sweet dreams! Forget trying to fix things," he said, turning to the Hokage. "Can we stay? Please?"
• Chapter 11 of Danzos Team channels Forrest Gump in a moment between Naruto and Ibiki.
  Ibiki: Alright Bugs! That's more than enough excitement. The next time one of you insects steps, looks or twitches in a way I don't like I will personally ruin you. I am the head of this chuunin selection exam's first test, but you don't need to know that. All you need to know from now on is that I am the man other gods call God. So when I say move you damn well should already be where I want you. Am I clear!
  Naruto: Crystal clear, Sir!
  * Ibiki appears directly in front of Naruto*
  Ibiki: What did you say genin Uzumaki?
  Naruto: I said crystal clear, Sir!
  Ibiki: That's right! You must be some kind of god damn genius! Genin Uzumaki! You are the only bug in the room that managed to get my question right.
• Naruto ducks out of genjutsu training in The Great Sage, saying he "doesn't do subtle." Sakura tosses some confetti on him and hands him a paper medal saying "Understatement of the Year."
• In Hell And Back Naruto has spent over 50 years in Hell (though only 3 for everyone else) and when he finally uses a real bathroom, he falls to his knees in joy. Tsume even asks if she should give him and the latrine some time alone.
• While building levees in Naruto Myoushuuno Fuuin, Naruto comes up with the idea to use seals to turn the annual flood into a lake and tells Kakashi to figure out how big a lake they'll need while Naruto designs the seal. After Sakura repeatedly corrects his math, Kakashi throws her the scroll and turns to Sasuke.
  Kakashi: So, you come up with a way to make me feel inadequate and completely superfluous today, too?
  Sasuke: Well, I could show you my two sharingan eyes if you really want.
  * Kakashi shoves him into a pile of sand bags.*
• Nothing but Trouble is pretty much nothing but this but one line really stands out.
  Tsunade: Did your (female) genin just motorboat me?
• In Reaching for a Dream after Naruto and Xanna make love for the first time, rather than the usual fanon about how great it was for both of them, Xanna tells Naruto he sucks and tells him to spend some time in brothels until he gets better.
• In Super Naruto Naruto tries to unravel the mystery that is Fanon!Haku:
  During training, he meets a cute girl who proves not to be a girl at all, but a guy who Naruto suspects to be a girl after all. By the time he gets to wondering why a girl would pretend to be a guy pretending to be a girl and whether he — or she — was really a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a guy pretending to be a girl, the girl — who actually might be pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl — had already left. He had a headache by the time hermaphroditism entered his theories about the girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl, or boy pretending to be a girl. Then he knocked himself out.
• In A Twist of Chance, Naruto shows up earlier than normal to a team meeting. In between his arrival and Sasuke's, Kakashi walks past at least five separate times without Sakura noticing once, doing things like walking a dog, buying groceries, and escorting children. Naruto then realizes that Kakashi always shows up on time but keeps leaving until Sakura notices him, and since she keeps insisting he doesn't show up for at least three hours, Naruto and Sasuke show up later, causing Kakashi to show up even later. By sunset (the meeting was set for noon), everyone's been there for hours but due to Naruto's new outfit and the fact he's quietly reading, the others still haven't noticed him yet. When Sakura finally realizing the coughing civilian is Naruto, she demands to know where he's been. Naruto rattles off a list of excuses that exactly match what Kakashi was doing earlier.
• Vengeance: The Musical! Starring Sasuke Uchiha. Pretty much all of it, but special mention has to go to:
  • The "Flaming Motorcycle to Impress Chicks" technique.
  • Itachi threatening to beat Kisame with an umbrella for 72 hours.
  • Orochimaru and Haku discussing their respective shampoo brands.
• Some from One Eye Full Of Wisdom:
  • In the Wave Arc, Naruto's epic trolling of Zabuza using Shadow Clones disguised as both Kakashi and Tazuna.
    • At the end of the arc, Zabuza has to ask where did Kakashi hid Tazuna. He was at Ichiraku: Kakashi sent him back after the attack of the Demon Brothers and had one of Naruto's Shadow Clones impersonate him the whole time.
  • In the second Omake chapter, everyone at the local bar knows that Kakashi wears a second mask under his first. But in a piece-of-clothing exchange betting game with Anko (It Makes Sense in Context), she gets him to remove that one as well, she and every other shinobi in the bar leaning in close as it's pulled down to reveal… a third mask. Kakashi considers the results — being chucked through the window by Anko, chased through town by drunk and angry bet-losers (civilian and ninja), and having to pay the repair bill for the bar after the crowd trashed the place — to be totally Worth It.
  • In chapters 46 and 47, Hidan versus Zidan, a Jashin follower with his identical power set.
• In Never Use Shadow Clones to do Your Paperwork, Naruto tries to latch onto a loophole to avoid having to marry four strangers.
  Naruto: You said the marriage would only be valid when I became a chunin and I'm still a genin.
  Tsunade: That reminds me. [tosses Naruto a flak jacket] Nice job on the promotion brat.
• In Songs gone Unsung, the spin-off to Of the River and the Sea, Gaara decides to bond with his siblings. So he wait for training and uses his powers over the sand to give Kankuro a wedgie. Their instructor had to attend a psych eval following that to be reassured it was not some hallucination.
  • Then you have Naruto belching in front of one of the Seven Swordsmen and the Lady of Otogakure. You can taste Kakashi's dismay. And right before that, Shikamaru knows Naruto is about to do something, with his thought process being "please, he can't be THAT stupid… he is".
    • Zabuza's reaction? Giving it a six for effort.
• Orochimama:
  • When Kabuto decrypts a message from Orochimaru (whom he has no idea is now a woman), he finds the last part says "I can't even leave for two hours to buy a bra without these idiots setting something on fire". Kabuto ends up checking his work twice out of sheer confusion.
  • Orochitama as she now calls herself mandates that human testing that has a high likelihood of harming the subject be approved by her first. Unfortunately, all of her scientists are Stupid Evil. One who wanted approval for human testing was trying to make plans grow faster via chemical and chakra treated dirt.
  • After Team 7 has to deal with Zabuza and a meeting with Orochimaru in Wave, Kakashi decides to have Naruto give the mission report for his own amusement. As such, Sarutobi misses some very important intel because he brushes off Naruto's comment about "Orochitama's steamy girl fight" (aka, Orochimaru fighting Mei Terumi).
• What You Knead (Naruto):
  • Kakashi's first attempt to cook pork buns results in Iruka knocking down his door to "make sure he set his apartment on fire on purpose rather than on accident".
  • One way Team 7 offers to settle their debate on the merits of shuriken vs kunai vs senbon is for each of them to eat with their chosen weapon. First to give up or lift their plate pays for lunch. Sakura cheerfully uses her senbon as chopsticks while Naruto spears meat on his kunai. Sasuke? He struggles to eat anything using a shuriken, something Sakura taunts him over.
  Sakura: You haven't eaten any of your rice! It isn't undercooked, is it?

Neon Genesis Evangelion

• This fanfic, essentially a Bum Review of End of Evangelion is absolutely hilarious. Chester does his best to review the movie, even trying to explain it:
  "And then… well… so now… you see… this thing… oh, how can I explain this? Give me a moment."
  Minutes later…
  "So um," The Bum was writing on his notepad, wearing glasses and trying to figure out what happened next in the movie. "there're more strange dialogs, monologs, ass-ologs. More random flashbacks and cut-scenes… a floating head of a panda… an upside-down chicken mask… a heavily-armed clown…Michael Jackson…"
  Hours later…
  The Bum was drawing alien symbols and calculating mathematical equations on a chalk board, still clueless about the rest of the movie. "So there are these Rei clones appearing spontaneously…um, whoever they touch turns into carrot juice…then there are some people walking into a theatre… and oh yeah, Michael Jackson."
  • And then, at the end, he finally snaps…
    "So let's review this… there's an Eva pilot who has a fetish on exposed hospital patients, an officer who likes to have sex with young boys and a Lieutenant who's secretly a lesbian working in a special agency."
    "WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOTIC SCREWBALL WROTE THIS SCRIPT? I bet the entire animation staff were high on drugs during the entire production! Even I could have made a better movie than them!"
• Chapter 1 of Zentrodie's Neon Genesis Evangelion Body-Swap/Gender Bender comedy fic It Can't Get Worse is one CMOF after anonther. Standout moment is Asuka-in-Shinji's body waking up to her/his first morning erection:
  For roughly ten seconds Asuka's sleep deprived and overly stressed mind continued to fantasize about his guardian. His hand under no actual central control found a happy little friend that was standing by the curbside that morning. "Oh hello there Little Asuka how are you today?" the hand asked. Little Asuka's reply way "I'm a little lonely how about you and I dance for awhile?" To which the hand joyously said, "I thought you'd never ask, lets dance to Misato's fucking hot?" Little Asuka let Mr. Hand lead with a parting, "I think I can get to like that song."
• In Deus ex Evangelion, Shinji got swallowed by the Eva during his first battle, and Asuka needs to be flown in to be his replacement. Later on, Toji's revealed as the Fourth Child about ten episodes early. After the Gaghiel fight, he asks Asuka out on a date. Right in front of the "Eva". Cue a silent If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her... moment between the two.
• Absolutely everything in the Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction Shinji Just Snaps and Totally Wails on Everything, with is Exactly What It Says on the Tin. Highlights include but are definitely not limited to Gendo's Laz-E-Bastard, an EVA-sized Groin Attack, the tragic fate of Sergeant Trumpy, Asuka's epically failed attempt at using fanservice as a weapon, and Rei's non-verbal Precision F-Strike.

One Piece

• The Serpent Empress has the following exchange when Luffy reunites with the Straw Hats after the two year time skip and they find out he's had kids with the Kuja Pirates. A lot of kids.

Nami: Luffy, how many children do you have?

Luffy: Nami, we both know I can’t count that high.

• In Supernova (One Piece), Luffy tries to use Geppou to fly ahead to an island after two days without food only for Nami to latch on and suplex him into the ship's deck.
• In Tell it to the Marines, Ace realizes Riskua — his kinda-crush and sworn sister — is Shanks' daughter when he meets her dad. Cue awkwardness while he desesperately tries to not think sexy thoughts about her in order to avoid death by dad.
• In Twelve Red Lines, after learning Luffy is Dragon's son, Sabo's brother and Garp's grandson, a freaked Usopp asks if Luffy's other brother is the Pirate King's son.
  Jones: No, I haven't told him anything about Ace.
  • Also, quantum mechs are the reason why Zoro has No Sense of Direction.

Ranma 1/ 2

• The entire Anything Goes Martial Arts Baseball Game from Girl Days.
  As the Black Rose fumed at this most preposterous of humiliations, a heated argument began between the two team captains. Ranma's captain insisted that the ball had been caught on a pop-fly,so Shampoo was out. Shampoo's captain insisted that Kodachi wasn't on the team, wasn't in the game, and wasn't even in the school, so the ball was live. The umpire was beating her head against a tree and saying something about moving to Australia.
• Examples from A Tale of Two Wallets
  • When Shampoo shows up and makes Akane unable to remember Ranma, Nabiki decides to get rid of her... By getting her with Kuno through a Marriage Challenge. Shampoo revealing that, as a Village Champion, she's entitled to two husbands is the less that happens. Especially after Kasumi gets involved to try and have everyone get along.
  • In this story's version of the Golden Pair arc, the pet targeted by Azusa isn't Ryoga's cursed form... But Shampoo's. And nobody knows that, they just think it's Shampoo's very intelligent pet cat that she mailed Ranma from China.
• In Heated Storm Yields a Wild Horse's Heart Ranma gets engaged to Nabiki. Thus the moment that Kodachi, the first rival for his heart shows up, Nabiki tries to mock Kodachi by offering to rent him for 300,000 yen... Not realizing yet that Kodachi is Kuno's sister, and thus can pay it with ease.
  • After Shampoo shows up and gets engaged to Ranma, Nabiki decides to explain her the whole situation with Ranma's curses. After a moment of surprise, Shampoo decides Nabiki deserves a reward for keeping her from killing the man she was supposed to marry... So she elects Nabiki as her sister-wife. By giving her the same passionate kiss she gave Ranma.
• In Queen Rat, Nodoka finds out that a slap makes doctor Tofu come out of his Kasumi-induced silliness and tells Kasumi this fact, only to be told that Kasumi has never slapped anyone. The solution? She suggests that Kasumi practice on Genma.
• In Ranma the Second Time Around, a girl ends up wearing a cursed swimsuit (as in canon), and has to go on a date with Kuno in order to remove it before they drown (as in canon). UNLIKE canon, however, the one wearing the suit is Kodachi, meaning that Kuno has to go on a date with - and kiss - his own sister. Naturally, they're both squicked.

Soul Eater

• In A Matter of Trust, the incident from Soul and Maka's double-date with Tsubaki and Black Star, involving "a horny Black Star, a willing to please Tsubaki, and a popcorn box with a hole cut in the bottom. Toss in the group of nuns sitting behind them…"
  Maka: At least we weren't banned from that theater along with them. I thought the manager was really very understanding when we explained that we had no idea who the two perverts were.
  Soul: Hm. Surruptitious Ninja Handjob my ass. Points to Tsubaki for trying to pass the mess off as butter though.
  • Near the beginning of the fic, Maka realizes she's attracted to Soul and we get this line:
    Maka had blushed, feeling foolish because this was Soul, the guy who ate raw fish and left his dirty socks on the coffee table and was his ass always that illegally delicious?
• In SoMa Family Drabbles, Soul tells Kid that he'll need to take some time off because Maka is pregnant. Kid's response? Snark at him.
  Soul: Maka's pregnant. She's already a couple weeks along. I missed the beginning of this, I'm not missing any more of it.
  Kid: Well, I assume you were there for the beginning of the whole thing.
  Soul: Fuck you.
  Kid: I don't want to risk impregnation, thanks.
  Soul: What? Wait, how do you… Never mind, I don't want to know.
• From A Very Soul Eater Christmas, Soul attempted to decorate the Christmas tree the year before and somehow ended up setting it on fire. Even he's not sure how it happened.
  • Kid, Liz, and Patty's attempts to decorate their manor for a Christmas party, made very difficult by Kid's Obsessively Organized tendencies.
  • Tsubaki finishes baking for the party and comes into the living room to find Black Star sitting on top of the Christmas tree:
    Tsubaki: [Face Palm] Why are you up there, Black Star?
    Black Star: Come on, Tsubaki, you know we have to have the biggest star on top of our tree!
• The oneshot It's Elementary, in which Spirit tries his very best to preserve his daughter's virginity and Hilarity Ensues.
  • As a very unsubtle warning, he puts a picture of a severed penis in Soul's locker.
    Black Star: Look at this! Look who signed it! Soul found it in his locker. It's hysterical!
    Tsubaki: Spirit drew this? Oh, my god, it's all bloody! He even drew sound-effect screams! Goodness!
  • When Spirit recruits Stein to help him "cock block [his] daughter."
    Spirit: Anyway, so she mentioned that she and her ugly little horndog weapon had a plane to catch for a mission in Canada. Tonight. They left about ten minutes ago, actually. So we're going on a little panty raid.
    Stein: Every single syllable you just said both terrifies and disturbs me. No. No, no, no.
    Spirit: I need you! This is difficult for me! I need moral support! I thought we were friends!
    Stein: No.
    Spirit: Please?
    Stein: No!
    [One Gilligan Cut later, they're both at Maka and Soul's apartment]
    Stein: I hate you.
  • Then there's what Spirit insists they both wear on their "mission": ski masks and matching T-shirts that have "Virginity Police" on them in glittery, bright pink lettering.
    Stein: [holding his shirt at arm's length] Tell me you didn't have these made.
    Spirit: Nah, I had them laying around.
  • Stein going full-Deadpan Snarker and giving Spirit a hard time.
    Spirit: You take the bastard's room, I'll take my darling marshmallow flufflet's room.
    Stein: Right. What exactly am I looking for? A calendar with one day marked 'Fuck Albarn's daughter into the mattress?' An economy-sized box of Magnum condoms? Gallons of K-Y?
    Spirit: [squeals, trips, and hits his head on the wall]
    
    Stein: You and Blair are fucking so enthusiastically I think the Pope has occasional heart palpitations out of sheer principle.
    
    Spirit: [holding Soul's shirt on a pair of tongs] Evidence, right?
    Stein: Indubitably, my dear Albarn. You know there's a lot more where that came from in the scythe's room. It's a cross between Vegas at New Year's and Hugh Hefner's bachelor party in there. Really, I'm rather impressed. You should see the sex swing, it's amazing the ceiling of an apartment this old can support it -
    Spirit: You keep this up I'll take back your Virginity Police shirt.
    Stein: I can only hope.
• By the same author of the above fic, there's They Shook Death City, in which Maka and another meister (who turns out to be equally bad driver Black Star) get into a fight over their conflicting driving habits, with disastrous consequences.
  Upon being enlightened as to the full extent of the damage his two top meisters actually caused — including but not limited to three smashed cars, four toppled trees, one stop sign used as a giant frisbee of doom, a severely traumatized poodle that was briefly sent into orbit, the total loss of one 7-11 convenience store and the neighboring pizza place, the creation of a new lake, and the burned, gutted remnants of an Escalade mysteriously impaled atop a telephone pole — Lord Death roundly refused to pay any bail. In fact, he assigned them both trash pickup on the side of the freeway for the next year.

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