Dr. Venture: Okay, I see how it is. And what would you prescribe for... (brings out a ten-dollar bill) Alexander Hamilton?
Dr. Ernesto Guavara: Not much.Hey, you. Yes you. I'm looking for some... information. What, you can't disclose that? Maybe this shiny new quarter would change your mind... This is when a character tries to bribe somebody, but the bribe is either pathetically small or involves something of no conceivable value to the recipient. Common reactions include an incredulous stare, dismissive laughter, or even arresting them for attempted bribery. Alternatively, the recipient may enthusiastically accept the bribe, much to the amusement of the audience. (A once-common form of this variant involved Canadians being bribed in American currency, although economics can largely ruin any humor it holds.) Common variations are:
—The Venture Bros., "Dia de los Dangerous!"
- Attempting to use Monopoly money or a minor coupon in place of real cash.
- Doubling the payment of voluntary or forced labour, and when they refuse on the grounds that double of nothing is still nothing, the briber offers to triple the payment.
- Bribing people with something they have in a great abundance, like offering a rock monster a rock you just found on the ground. Or something that isn't valuable or isn't even useful to their culture or situation, i.e. anything they'll call Worthless Yellow Rocks.
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- A commercial for the now-defunct Pets.com company had their sock puppet mascot attempt to get into an apartment building by bribing the doorman with $3, quickly upped to $4 when the doorman seems to be seriously considering it.
- A commercial for 10-10-220 had French Stewart bribing a Maître d' with $1. It doesn't work until after Stewart explains the service.
- A Cheetos commercial has a hotel resident attempt to bribe an employee to let them use floats in the pool with three Cheetos Mix-Ups. It doesn't work...until he adds the fourth Mix-Up.
Anime & Manga
- Played straight in an episode of Dragon Ball where Master Roshi attempts to buy one of the Dragon Balls from a gang of thieves. He offers what he has in his wallet: three cents and a coupon for a beer. Cue Facepalm from Tien, Chiaotzu, and the bandits.
- In Gintama, Gintoki often tries to get people to do things by promising to give them 300 yen, which is about $2.50 USD.
- In the bonus chapter of Death Note included in the "How To Read" book, the Shinigami King has reversed the "no new Death Notes" rule he put into place in reaction to Ryuk's shenanigans. Now, he'll give them out for two apples from Earth. Even beyond the fact that apples aren't exactly expensive or uncommon, shinigami are invisible and able to become intangible at will; it'd be trivially easy for any of them to just steal any number of apples.
- In FoxTrot, Roger has no concept of an appropriate tip, instead tipping the paperboy with a Shiny New Nickel and then wondering why the paper always ends up on the roof or in the rosebushes.
Peter: The lawn is mown. I hope you're happy.Roger: Let's see...can you break a dollar?Peter: ...now let's talk about how I feel.Roger: Oh what the heck, keep the whole thing! You've earned it!
- He also does stuff like have Peter mow the lawn. When he offers to pay him, he then asks, "Can you break a dollar?" Obviously this wasn't worth it.
- It's somewhat of a running gag, since he only pays Peter 10 cents a hole to caddy his golf clubs.
- Peter himself is similarly oblivious to an appropriate tip. In one strip, Peter does a complex order for a coffee (basically stating one cappuccino without any ingredients), and then paying him $5.00 and telling the clerk to keep the change (the amount was $4.97). Peter admits to Jason that he was being annoying, explaining that this was the reason he tipped him. Cue the three pennies being thrown towards Peter's head offscreen.
- Pearls Before Swine had a comic use this as a gag. Rat and Pig tip the Maitre'D a bribe to get a good table at a fancy restaurant. The next panel shows them sitting with their plates on the floor right outside the kitchen doors.
Rat: Maybe I should try something bigger than a quarter next time.
- Or the time when the Crocs offered Zebra french fries and a milkshake for his life.
- One Boba Fett comic has Fett tip a worker on a starship for information, who sarcastically says, "Ten whole credits? My, sir, wouldn't want you to leave yourself short or anything..." Since the value of credits is a bit inconsistent, we can only assume that he was expecting more.
- Dean the pig of Liberty Meadows attempts to bribe Frank the veterinarian into giving him liposuction with five dollars; he subsequently ups this to ten dollars.
- A variation: In Spider-Man, The White Rabbit once tried to hold New York for ransom for a million dollars. They counter-offered her $1.50.
- One of Garfield's Fine Dining Faux Pas in the 8th Garfield Treasury is bribing the maitre d' with a roll of nickels.
- Swedish comics writer/artist Jan Berglin once drew a comic about why Sweden never gets to host the Olympics, with a lobbyist trying to bribe an official with a box containing a crystal vase and a painted wooden Dala horse. The official rightly assumes it's a badly thought out prank.
- In Nextwave, a representative of the Beyond Corporation tries to buy unlimited leasing rights to the Faceless Ones from Dread Rorkannu, Lord of the Dim Dimension for one hundred (American) dollars. Dread Rorkannu holds out for $100 and pictures of Suicide Girls.
- In Fables the Nome King has conquered Oz and the surrounding lands. The rebels decide to offer a reward for the Nome King's capture and/or assassination but they have no money or treasure. Instead decide to use this as a way to humiliate the Nome King and offer two lollipops as the entire reward. They then plaster Wanted posters to that effect all over the kingdom. The Nome King's overreaction to this insult brings on his downfall.
- Noob has Gaea get trapped in a hard to reach prison cell. She gets so desperate for getting out that she announces that she'll offer two credits to whoever sets her free. In the Fictional Video Game in which the story is set, a Fetch Quest reward is a few hundred credits.
- The Simpsons: In order to convince Homer to become a wrestler, Mr. Burns tells Smithers to offer to half Homer's pay then multiply it by two, then raise it by three dollars a month. Homer accepts. ("Hello, upper-lower middle class!")
- Futurama: When the DOOP president comes to Planet Express, asking them to go find a missing Zapp Brannigan, they're reluctant until she offers them a generous bonus of twice their usual fee. This is enough to convince Bender to hold Leela at gunpoint all the way to Zapp's last location (in case she tries killing them or herself to get away). As Kiff reveals, this bonus amounts to a whole twenty dollars.
- Iznogoud: Iznogoud's attempt to convince a meteorologist into helping him.
Iznogoud: I'll shower you with gold... (shows a coin) that much gold!
- While it succeeds, the bribe Kakashi offers the vampiric Naruto to become a ninja in Alucard Naruto is a copy of Icha-Icha. It works because Naruto wants to know the ending and realizes that if he returns to his cell and waits until the walls crumble, the book would worn away to dust. Therefore, Naruto has to become a ninja to stay out of his cell so he can keep reading.
- At one point in Carrot Top Season, the Flim Flam brothers bribe Applebloom with a pinecone. Justified by the facts that 1: One of the brothers had cast a Want It Need It spell on the pinecone and 2: the brothers were very much winging it by this stage of the fic, as several of their schemes had already backfired.
- A variant in Mythos Effect: after the Battle of Shanxi (in which humanity won decisively), the Turians offer ten million credits as payment for starting the fight, which is initially considered a somewhat acceptable quantity. However, the rest of the offered peace treaty demands that humanity destroy all of its arcanotechnology (which amounts to the full destruction of most of Humanity's economy) and immediately change to Element Zero-based technology, and their forced joining to the Council as an associate race. This, combined with Ambassador Sparatus' Cultural Posturing and arrogance, is obviously considered an insult by Nazzadi and Human alike, and war explodes.
- A variation in The Keys Stand Alone: The Soft World: Hoping that the mine-robbers have the amulet the four are desperate to get, Paul offers them 50,000 Swords for what has been described as a god-level artifact. This in a world where a nice dining room set costs 14,000 Swords!
- To be fair, this was nearly all the money that the four had at that point, and they really didn't expect to buy it for so little, or that the mine-robbers even had it. (They didn't.) Paul was mostly hoping he could lure the mine-robbers into attacking him, so the four could defeat them and take their stuff and sort through it to see if they had the amulet. Combat ensued, naturally.
- In Queen of Shadows, what is Shendu's "gift" to Jade at the Shadowkhan's "victorious conquest of Kyushu" banquet? Three gold coins. The Grand Eunuch tries to play it off as a great gesture, since dragons usually guard their treasure so jealously, but Jade and Hiruzen clearly see the insult and disrespect in so little being offered. The Eunuch dismissively referring to the Shadowkhan as if they're vassals of Shendu instead of an independent power doesn't help.
Films — Animated
- In Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, during an early food shower, the mayor pulls Flint aside, asks him if he can "do lunch," and tucks a strip of bacon into his labcoat pocket. The same bacon that is currently falling from the sky.
- In Monsters, Inc., Mike tries bribing a Half-Hearted Henchman when threatened by a torture device, making this overlap with Death by Materialism (although it's possible no bribe would have saved him):
"You like cars? Because I got a really nice car. You let me go, I'll give you... a ride... in the car."
- In Leroy & Stitch, Lilo tries to get 625 to let her use his interstellar communicator by offering him a sandwich. 625 makes, gives away, and eats, sandwiches all the time... but he accepts the bribe, because no one has ever made sandwiches for him, so he's actually touched by the offer.
Films — Live-Action
- Dirty Work:
Mitch: Hey, homeless guys! I'll tell ya what. I'll give you a dollar each if you'll go into this building here and run around yellin' and screamin'.Homeless Guy #1: Uh, that's very nice, but I think what you probably need are, like, some psycho, out-of-control homeless guys?Homeless Guy #2: Yeah, we're more the broken, spiritless, I've-lost-the-will-to-live type homeless guys.Mitch: How about for two dollars?(Homeless Guys run into the building screaming)
- A Night at the Roxbury. Trying to get into a club, the main character says something like, "Well, maybe my friend Mr...Washington will change your mind. Uh, and his friend Mr...Washington..."
- The movie doesn't call attention to it, but the bribe Happy Gilmore offers so the nursing home would take extra-special care of his beloved grandma is a single wrinkled Washington. Could be why the evil orderly wouldn't accept it.
- Jackie Chan in The Tuxedo attempts to slip himself and Jennifer Love Hewitt into a club with seven dollars.
- In Easy A, Olive is usually paid for pretending to have sex with people in gift cards from various stores. The lowest price she ever accepts is soon-to-expire vouchers for the foreign language arthouse cinema.
- A very literal example appears in DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story. The bribe is $100,000, which isn't a small amount of money, but it takes up a comically small amount of space inside the briefcase it's presented in.
- In Strange Brew, a doughnut is used as a bribe. It was a jelly, eh.
- Captain Phillips: The pirates see Phillips' offer of $30,000.00 (all the cash in the ship's safe) as this. In real life, Phillips didn't even offer the cash until much later because he knew they'd laugh at such a measly sum.
- In Superbad after a driver hits Seth he offers him seven dollars as a bribe to shush him, Seth insults him and asks a not-too-happy rhetorical question, "What are you, a six-year-old?" given that the driver is a full-grown man who should already be working a job to pay for his car.
- In One, Two, Three MacNamara gets the East German border guards at the Brandenburg Gate to wave his car through and not ask inconvenient questions by giving them ... a six-pack of Coca-Cola.
- Scream 3 has an example of higher value than most on this page:
Bianca: I don't work for the cops, sweetie. I work for the studio.
Gale: Really, well, would you work for [places a $50 bill on her desk] the president?
Bianca: The president [pushes it back] of the studio.
Jennifer: Fifty dollars? Who are you, a reporter for Woodsboro High? [She removes a ring and places it on Bianca's desk.] It's worth two grand! Now are you gonna help Gale Weathers or not?
- Last Holiday: Georgia Byrd's Pointy-Haired Boss tries to stop her from leaving because she was wrongly diagnosed as terminally ill and has decided to live her last days fully... the fact that when she decided to announce it to him, he pissed her off by announcing that he never told her she was one of the best employees of the store in an attempt to keep her from asking for a promotion or demanding a raise didn't helped any by offering her a raise... of $1.50 per hour (and he started at only thirty cents. That was his "final offer" by the time she was right at the store's door).
- The original version of The Producers plays with this; on opening night for his deliberately-bad musical, Max spots the most influential theater critic in town and offers him a bribe — $20 — in exchange for a good review. The critic storms off in a huff, offended by both the offer and the miserly amount...but that's exactly what Max wants, as part of his gambit to help Springtime for Hitler fail by way of a Bribe Backfire. But what was intended as the final nail in the coffin, has no effect....
- In Game Night, Ryan and Sarah try to bribe an employee of the interactive murder mystery game they're trying to solve to find out what the final clue is. When the employee turns out to be reluctant, Ryan — who is not overly bright — begins slapping down bills... but it turns out he only has $17 in total, so tries to compensate for the paltry sum of cash by dramatically sliding them across the table towards her. This unsurprisingly doesn't go down so well, and it gets to the point when he's inching a dollar bill across the table at an agonizingly slow pace that Sarah finally explodes and points out that it's the pathetic amount of money that's the problem, not the speed at which it is being passed over. Sarah is subsequently forced to contribute a $100 bill, and Ryan is a little put-out when the employee takes his $17 as well.
- Discworld series
- In Terry Pratchett's Making Money, Cosmo Lavish offers Moist von Lipwig ten thousand dollars in exchange for Mr. Fusspot, getting a rather indignant reaction. (Moist will get twice that per year just for not selling him, and that's without considering the associated contract with the Guild of Assassins.) Lampshaded later on during the scenes in which Cosmo talks with other Lavish relatives - he deliberately offered this in an effort to get Moist to underestimate him.
How dare he try to bribe me, thought Moist. In fact, that was his second thought, that of the soon-to-be wearer of a gold-ish chain. His first thought, courtesy of the old Moist, was: how dare he try to bribe me so small.
- In Unseen Academicals Glenda is able to get her way into the palace and see the ruler of the city by bribing the guards with pie. This is a subversion, however, because A) Glenda is a Supreme Chef whose pies are fantastic and B) Lord Vetinari specifically instructed the guards to accept (and report) any and all bribes, no matter how small. (They're also ordered to destroy the food, obviously. In this case Vetinati laments that it was possibly some kind of crime, and that no member of Glenda's family would ever try to poison someone out of respect for the food.)
- In Terry Pratchett's Making Money, Cosmo Lavish offers Moist von Lipwig ten thousand dollars in exchange for Mr. Fusspot, getting a rather indignant reaction. (Moist will get twice that per year just for not selling him, and that's without considering the associated contract with the Guild of Assassins.) Lampshaded later on during the scenes in which Cosmo talks with other Lavish relatives - he deliberately offered this in an effort to get Moist to underestimate him.
- In the Star Wars Expanded Universe:
- Wraith Squadron has Face, in disguise as a stereotypical bumpkin on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to a more civilized world, giving a customs officer one whole credit in exchange for information about where he might go looking for "brides". The whole thing is hilarious.
- The bribe is "insultingly" small rather than comical, but in the Hand of Thrawn duology, two Imperial saboteurs go to Bothawui pretending to be small-time merchants trying to make a quick credit. They reinforce this impression with a small bribe to get their stock through customs quickly.
- A variation in Vortex when Lando calls in a senator's gambling debt for a favor. To everyone's astonishment the senator only owes a paltry twenty-five credits. Not twenty-five-thousand, just twenty-five. When called out the senator begrudgingly admits that while he doesn't play high-stakes given his position, to a true sabacc player a debt's a debt.
- Inverted in Atlas Shrugged, where brilliant inventor/philosopher/scientist John Galt is captured by the evil government and offered the position of Economic Dictator of the entire United States. He refuses. The Head Of State, Mr. Thompson, tries to offer Galt comically large bribes to join them, such as a billion dollars in gold. Galt is unimpressed as any value he would be able to obtain from said gold in the collapsing society of the USA would have to be created by himself, making it totally worthless to him.
- Vorkosigan Saga:
- In the short story "The Mountains of Mourning", a woman tries to bribe a Vorkosigan armsman to let her in to see Count Vorkosigan with all the money she has on her — $1.20. Miles, seeing enough of the incident to know that that woman is trying to get in so that she can petition the count to send a criminal investigator to her village over a matter of justice (something that as a subject of the Vorkosigan District, she had the legal right to do), lets her in without any money changing hands.
- The inverted version occurs in Labyrinth. A refugee from Jackson's Whole hands Miles and Bel Thorne her entire life's savings in cash, hoping it will be enough to engage them as mercenaries to get her off the planet. Bel tells her the price is wrong— then peels one single dollar off the stack, hands her back the rest, and tells her this is more like it. Needless to say, It's Personal for Captain Thorne.
- In the seventh Captain Underpants book, the kids write a comic which opens with a lament about how out of touch old people are. Among other reasons, one of their complaints is that they have no idea how much things cost, illustrated by a grandpa giving his kid a nickel saying "why don't you buy a video game with it?" This is inverted when the villains of the comic create "Robo-grannies", who give their kids $100 to buy a candy bar.
- In Supervillainous!: Confessions of a Costumed Evil-doer, The Salesman successfully breaks into a secure compound by trading the September 1998 issue of Vibe magazine in exchange for all their guns. To be fair that's his entire power.
- In Death of Antagonis, the xeno temples are bribed to work by pouring blood into them, but the amounts necessary are amazingly small - a planet-sized bell starts working after getting fifty slaves' worth.
- In The Bible, Jacob cheats his older brother Esau from his inheritance when Esau returns from a hunt famished. Jacob offers a trade of Esau's birthright for a bowl of soup. And Esau agrees.
- Subverted in The Candidates (based on a true country). Duke Hatchet tries to bribe Kimmy Faimwhorre with $200 to keep her quiet about her affair with a presidential candidate. She's insulted and outraged - and declares that she'd never settle for less than $500! note
Live Action TV
- As the preview for South Beach Tow shows, at least one car owner tries this on the truck driver, saying "You can buy all the Ho-Hos you want."
- Dinosaurs episode "License to Parent":
Earl Sinclair: Surely we can talk about this. After all, this is kind of a coincidence.
Officer Bettleheim: A coincidence? How?
Earl Sinclair: Well, that ticket has my name on it, and I do believe this crisp one dollar bill has your name on it. Wouldn't you call that a coincidence?
Officer Bettleheim: No, I would call that a cheap attempt at bribery.
Earl Sinclair: What if it was a five? What. Oh come on, you're not giving me another ticket.
Officer Bettleheim: Section 9, paragraph 4, setting a bad moral example for a child.
- Boy Meets World:
Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't give that kind of information.
Eric: Really? Well... (produces $1 bill) Perhaps my friend Mr. Washington will help you change your mind.
Natalie Teeger: Hi. Excuse me.Adrian Monk: Hi. Um, we're looking for this woman. (shows a photo of Marilyn to the bartender)Bartender: You a cop?Adrian Monk: No, no. Just an old friend.Bartender: Haven't seen her.Adrian Monk: Okay.(Monk pulls out a $1 bill and puts it on the counter)Adrian Monk: Maybe General Washington can refresh your memory? (Natalie buries her face in her hands, embarrassed)Bartender: Is that a dollar? (Monk winks at him. The bartender continues glaring at him)Adrian Monk: OK, I get it. Who knows? Maybe there are... (puts a quarter down) ...two General Washingtons. (The bartender walks away) Where are you going? (to Natalie) Where's he going? (Monk sighs and puts his money away) You've got to admire the guy. He's incorruptible.
- In "Mr. Monk Goes to the Theater," Monk tries to bribe a doorman for information on Jenna Ryan's whereabouts with three dollars; when he refuses, Monk ups it to four. Finally, Sharona makes him talk with $40. After, Monk asks for his four back; when the doorman refuses, Monk informs Sharona that "we have a four-dollar credit on any future bribes."
- The page header image is from "Mr. Monk and the Bully". Monk and Natalie walk into a bar while trying to retrace Marilyn Brody's footsteps:
- Subverted in the Season 6 episode "Mr. Monk Goes to the Bank." Randy tries to bribe a silver tin statue performer for information relating to a bank robbery he undoubtedly witnessed. It fails, but the reason it didn't work has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of money Randy puts in his collection tray: it's because his job requires him to stand absolutely frozen still until his beeper goes off to signal his stretch break (and he does a damn good job at it, because he doesn't so much as move a muscle even when Randy tries yelling loudly in his face).
- Three's Company: When Cindy goes missing, Mr. Furley goes to the Regal Beagle to find her. He pays a blonde girl three dollars to tell him anything she knows. Hilarity Ensues when the girl turns out to be an undercover cop and arrests Furley for cheap solicitation.
- An episode of The Amanda Show had a security guard refusing to let somebody in when offered diamonds or cash... but he let them in for a slice of pizza.
- An episode of The New Statesman had the idiotic Piers Fletcher-Dervish, who upon deciding to become corrupt, demands a bribe of...£1.50!. As Alan commented, "You're a hard man, Piers Fletcher-Dervish... solid bone from the neck up."
- An early episode of That '70s Show has this:
Punk kid: I've got nothing to say to you... but Andrew Jackson on the other hand...
Bob: Jackson, huh?... (opens wallet) He's not in, do you have anything you'd like to tell Abe Lincoln and the Washington twins?
- 30 Rock has Jack Donaghy offer Josh a comically small contract negotiation offer of $1 for a year of comedy work. Josh is so intimidated by Jack's negotiation skills that he almost takes it.
- In the iCarly episode "iWant a World Record", Spencer tried to bribe the representative of the world record book into overlooking the four seconds the webshow was off the air (his sculpture drew so much power that it briefly knocked out the power) with skee ball tickets. Upon realizing that they were tickets and not money, he promptly took them back so he could get a giant harmonica.
- At a time when The Beatles were being offered millions to reunite, a 1976 Saturday Night Live sketch had producer Lorne Michaels making an on-air appeal to the group, offering them a check for $3000 to perform on the show. John Lennon and Paul McCartney happened to both be in NYC and watching the show that night, and were amused enough to briefly entertain the idea of heading over to the studio just for the hell of it. They then talked themselves out of it, sadly.
- It should be pointed out that $3000 was the standard rate for the musical guest on SNL at that time. The whole thing came about when someone asked Lorne Michaels how much he'd pay to have the Beatles reunite on the show, and his answer was that he'd only pay the standard rate.
- In a subsequent episode, George Harrison came on but was dismayed to learn that the $3000 was for all of them, meaning $750 for each ex-Beatle. ("Pretty chintzy.")
- McCartney appeared on SNL in the late 1980s and was shown trying to get the $3000 for himself and his backup band.
- Occasionally on Top Gear, when Jeremy Clarkson will offer ludicrously small sums of money if a certain celebrity will appear on the show or someone will lend them a particularly rare and valuable car.
- The Mighty Boosh: Bob Fossil, trying to bribe Bollo to let him into a party, offers him such worthless incentives as "the key to a bike I had in the '70's".
- The Loop is a comedy about a man who worked at an airport. In one episode he need to x-ray a bunch of dogs.
Sam: Hi. Can we use the luggage scanner to x-ray all these dogs?Security Guard: Sir, I am an airport security guard. It is my sacred duty to guard this entrance against anything it may face.Sam: I'll give you seven bucks.Security Guard: I'm looking away now.
- The $1.98 Beauty Show was a comedy Game Show mocking beauty pageants, in which the grand prize was Exactly What It Says on the Tin: $1.98. In change. And a "bouquet" of carrots.
- On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Anya once tried to bribe a demon with promises that she would have sex with him, and the demon responded that he didn't find a human-looking creature like Anya to be sexually attractive (thus averting the Mars Needs Women trope that has certainly been played straight elsewhere in the Buffyverse). Of course, Anya was insulted that her sexual bribery turned out to be this. (There's a Double Entendre in there somewhere, but not quite as easily as if it were a male getting turned down.)
- On Blue Water High, Anna once suggested Simmo keep Deb occupied by offering her vouchers to a PG-rated movie.
- In 1996 the town of Wahoo Nebraska started a campaign to become The Late Show with David Letterman's "Home office." Letterman decided to have a bribe-off: whichever city gave him the most stuff (Wahoo or then-current Home Office Tahlequah, Oklahoma) would get it. After some very pathetic bribes from Tahlequah Letterman declared Wahoo the winner.
- The Office:
- Michael tries to give a terminated employee a pack of coupons in an attempt to make everything cool between them. Especially given that Michael is only firing him so that he doesn't appear indecisive, this doesn't go over well.
- When Dwight was left in charge after Michael's departure in the Season 3 finale, he announced that employees would receive "Schrute Bucks" when they did something good. He said that 1,000 Schrute Bucks would earn the recipient five extra minutes of lunch time, and that one Schrute Buck was worth 1/100 of a cent in actual money.
- Several times in Everybody Hates Chris, Julius would do this, at one point offering a bribe of a single penny.
- In an episode of The Odd Couple, Oscar and Felix are trying to get bumped up the waiting list for a space in a mid-town parking garage. Felix tries to "schmooze" the owner (played in a delightful guest shot by John Byner) by coyly displaying some currency:
Felix: Will...um...this get us anything?Owner: (Glances at bill) Yeah — two fives.
- Once, trying to gain admittance into a Paul Williams concert to bring his wayward daughter back home, hapless Felix offered a quarter to the security guard outside. He scoffed, "What is this? Your allowance?"
- In the two-part M*A*S*H episode "Goodbye, Radar," Radar tries to bribe his way onto an earlier flight from Kimpo to get back to the 4077th:note
Radar: Hey, Mac?Olson: The name's Olson.Radar: I'm sorry... Hey, Olson? How would you like to make a little green stuff, huh?Olson: How much?Radar: I got four bucks that ain't doin' nothing. Get me that seat and they're all yours.Olson: Scram.Radar: Two now, two when you deliver.Olson: Get lost!Radar: Boy, some guys just can't be bought.
Hawkeye: Let's get down to some serious bribery. How about $14 in unmarked bills?
- In the episode, "Last Laugh", when MP's come to arrest BJ (it doesn't work):
- Corner Gas:
- In the episode "Hurry Hard", Brent and Wanda and Oscar and Emma each want Lacey to be their fourth for an upcoming curling bonspiel. Oscar and Emma rush to ask Lacey "Lacey, will you join our curling team?" Wanda then tells Brent to up the ante and he says "Lacey, will you be on our team please." And Wanda sarcastically says "Good ante-ing."
- In an earlier episode, the Dog River hockey team catches wind that Brent might be joining another team, so they compile a "signing bonus" consisting of coupons, a free sub card (two tokens short) and a roll of police "Do not cross" tape.
- Spin City: Paul attempts to bribe the office efficiency expert to keep silent about his hoarding of office supplies with a 'Buy One, Get One Free' frozen yoghurt coupon.
- Cordelia tries it to prevent Angel from using his "patented burst of violence" to get past a security guard.
Cordelia: I think I might have an approach that is a little more subtle. (to guard) Hey! Do you like bribes?
Guard: Do I ever!
Cordelia: Well, we really wanna go backstage.
Guard: Yeah, okay, but this isn't so much a bribe as it is a tip. And since I'm not parking your car, there's really no way that -
Angel: (knocks him out) Okay. That's how we do it.
- How this can be used in real life was addressed in Burn Notice. They explain that actual cash in such a small bribe is only part of the whole plan. If you want to get access to something in a location isn't too high security, (such as an upscale parking garage) you behave like an obnoxious tool and offer a small but not insignificant amount to the security guard, (say, between twenty to fifty dollars) pretending that you believe it's a standard fee to get inside. Even the most honest guard may decide they don't feel bad for slightly taking advantage of someone who is making themselves as unlikable as possible, and since you "believe" it's a regular fee and thus won't report the guard, the guard should decide they have nothing to lose by taking the cash, (in other words, they won't be reported for taking bribes or acting inappropriately) and let you in just to get some kind of profit for having to deal with your jerk assery.
- The Big Bang Theory has this exchange:
Sheldon: I stopped by to bring you this gift.Penny: Gummy bears? Thank you.!Sheldon: Now that you're in my debt could you -
Receptionist: Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin and his five twin brothers, you are wasting my time. note
- He then offers her "Cooper Coupons" which are basically an excuse to be his obnoxious, Insufferable Genius self, failing to see why Penny doesn't view them as better than gold (they include a free grammar check or an afternoon at the museum where he points out all of their mistakes).
- In the first season, Howard Wolowitz tries to bribe a hospital emergency room receptionist to pretend to treat him for an allergic reaction (to stall for time to set up a surprise party for his friend Leonard). He offers to introduce her to "the man who freed your people" (Abraham Lincoln on a five dollar bill).
- Person of Interest:
- The inverted version appears in: Nathan Ingram sold the Machine to the US government for $1. Not knowing about this, a government official tries to force Nathan to make changes to the Machine by threatening to withhold Nathan's payment. Nathan and Finch have a good chuckle at that.
- Another inversion occurs when a kid wants to hire Reese to help get revenge on the murderers of the kid's brother. The kid offers Reese all the meager cash he has on him but Reese gives back all except a quarter. Reese was going to help the kid for free but realized that the kid was about to do something very stupid on his own. By agreeing to be the kid's 'employee', Reese could get the kid to stand down and let a professional handle matters.
- Averted on many other occasions since both Reese and Finch are very good at offering just the right amount to get someone to cooperate. It helps that Finch is a billionaire and thus can bypass the need to bribe individuals by bribing entire organizations (e.g. donating millions to a hospital so Reese, as his representative, can have unfettered access to the building and the people who work there).
- The West Wing:
- This is requested: The President's foreign aid bill is one vote down, and a senator offers to vote for it if the White House will fund a study in intercessory prayer out of the federal budget. Since this would be blatantly unconstitutional, he knows they cannot possibly accept, so he demands the princely sum of $115,000. Sure enough, everyone who hears of the deal repeats, "$115 thousand? You mean 115 million, right?"
- Also played with in the second season episode "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail"; C.J. and Josh meet with the Cartographers for Social Equality, who want the President to support legislation to make it mandatory for schools to teach the Peters Projection Map. Josh's response; "Give me $200 and it's done." C.J. vetoes that.
- In the sixth season finale of Desperate Housewives, Gaby tries to bribe a hospital nurse to let her in before visiting hours with all the cash she has on her—$12. Then she realizes, "Oh wait, I'm going to need ten for parking" and just offers the remaining $2.
- The man interviewing Frasier and Lilith for Frederick's place at a prestigious school: "I'll have you know that in 50 years, I have never accepted a bribe!" He takes the cheque. "This is an insult!" He reads the cheque. "In every possible way." He hands cheque back and leaves, slamming the door.
- The Wrong Mans has a case of this when Phil and Sam are refused information on the car crash victim. It naturally doesn't work.
Phil: How about now? That's £2.20, right there.
- Blackadder: in "Dish and Dishonesty" Baldrick is applying for Parliament and gives his "minimum bribe level" as one turnip, before worrying that he may be pricing himself out of the market.
- Iron Fist (2017): Jeri Hogarth once secretly cussed at an unbearable superior of hers back while she was still an intern at Rand Enterprises...while a young Danny was in earshot. She gave him five dollars to stay mum about it. Keep in mind, he was the son of her billionaire boss Wendell Rand.
- In the Malcolm in the Middle episode where Lois is trying to get Reese back after he ran away and joined the Army, two soldiers bring Lois back home from the recruiting office and tell Hal she assaulted them when they wouldn't reveal where Reese was deployed. Hal tries to smooth things out with the soldiers by offering them two dollars so they would forget the whole thing. One of the soldiers then mentions that if Lois is spotted near the recruiting office again, that he has been given clearance to "engage."
- In Hans Rotmo's "Førarkortet" ("The Driving Licence"), the narrator drives drunk, crashes into a police car and tries to pay the policeman the equivalent of $6 to leave him alone. The unimpressed policeman confiscates his licence and has him locked up.
- The Goon Show, in which people will gladly perform insane actions for photographs of moneynote or bags of sweets. (Of course, that last one was Bluebottle, and he's generally portrayed as a young and mildly insane Boy Scout, so...)
- In the Cabin Pressure episode "Fitton", Carolyn's rotten ex-husband Gordon offers to buy her aeroplane for £100. Since he relays the offer through his Cloud Cuckoolander son Arthur, he has to include an explanation that Arthur isn't giving her the wrong amount by mistake. After this offer is rejected, Gordon makes another offer of £1 for the entire company including all the debts. Carolyn seriously considers this offer until one of Douglas's schemes gets the company back into the black.
- In The Men from the Ministry, when discussing how the Postman refused to give them back the letter they accidentally send to the wrong person, One credits the Postman's honesty, as he threw Two's five pence bribe to the gutter.
Stand Up Comedy
- Larry the Cable Guy has a bit where he tipped a Hooters waitress with monopoly money.
Waitress: That's fake money!Larry: Them's fake titties!
- A common net result of the skill check rules of Dungeons & Dragons when applied to bribery attempts. Players with high enough charisma, diplomacy, or raw luck can offer pitiful bribes and see amazing results. Couple it with a natural 20 and a permissive DM will allow a soldier to commit high treason for a bag of jellybeans. This has gotten only easier in fourth edition, with social interaction taking on a more rules-governed, mechanical aspect.
- Cyrano de Bergerac: Cyrano invokes this trope at Act II, Scene V, trying to bribe Roxane’s Duenna to leave him alone with Roxane (he then bribes her properly).
Cyrano: Are you fond of sweet things?
The Duenna: Ay, I could eat myself sick on them!
Cyrano: (catching up some of the paper bags from the counter) Good. See you these two sonnets of Monsieur Beuserade...
The Duenna: Hey?
Cyrano: ...Which I fill for you with cream cakes!
The Duenna: (changing her expression) Ha.
- In Anne of the Thousand Days, Norfolk remarks on the lack of clamor in the streets for Anne's wedding and coronation. Cromwell says that one thousand apprentices were paid one groat each, which was obviously not enough:
Norfolk: A groat? Man, that won't buy a whole drink of good liquor! They should have had a silver penny apiece and they'd have shaken the foundations! They'd have rung the bells! They'd have jumped out of windows! Anyway, they'd have thrown their caps in the air! The rabble I saw must have had the mange. Their head-gear was stuck tight on their skulls and when they yelled it was more like a growl.
Cromwell: For a half-crown each, or a whole one, they wouldn't cheer Queen Anne — not as they'd like to be cheering Queen Katharine.
- Nerds features Bill Gates and Paul Allen buying DOS from Tim Patterson for the price of three Playboy magazines, two meat sticks, and an action figure. Patterson takes it, figuring that has to be worth more than his other offer — 50% of the stock of the then-nascent Starbucks. What an Idiot! indeed.
- A Man for All Seasons: Invoked by Thomas More's line to Richard Rich, when he learns that Rich committed perjury against him in exchange for being named Attonery General for Wales.
More: Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world...but for Wales?
- In NetHack some of the demon lords can be bribed to leave you alone. It's a one time offer. There's no opportunity to get gold from a container. So the bribe just has to be a sufficiently large fraction of the gold you have in open inventory. Carrying $10 in the open when necessary makes the bribe very cheap indeed.
- Medieval II: Total War
- Happens annoyingly often, when the rival powers start threatening you with destruction unless you cough up some cash. "Yes, mein freund, I'm afraid the price for peace with the Holy Roman Empire is...one hundred and thirteen Florins!" And yes, if you refuse there is a good chance they'll invade.
- Of course they're just as likely to invade you a couple of turns after receiving your bribe, backstabbers. However a easy way to keep the Vatican on your side is to set up a "donation" to the state every turn - even one single florin will be appreciated, amusingly.
- Also happens amusingly often in the Civilization series. After annihilating another country's military and leveling some cities, they say, "Please make peace with us! Here's 25 gold!" If their empire is that poorly run, perhaps they deserve to get invaded.
- Justified when the AI civ offering the bribe is the one that just got its cities ransacked: it's likely all they can afford, and if they're facing annihilation, it doesn't hurt to try. The player might even take the offer if they were planning on taking a breather before making the final push.
- Galactic Civilizations II's eerily cunning AI realizes when you try this on your rival leaders. Proposing that someone enter an exclusive alliance with you, declare war on everyone else and give you all their techs and planets in exchange for 1 credit will be treated as a grave insult, and depending on the leader may very well lead to war.
- On the other hand, while the AI is aces at managing its economy to the fullest, it rarely builds up overly large savings to negotiate with. Furthermore, what wads of cash it has it tends to blow them away in rush-bought (or worse, leased) spaceships as soon as a war begins. Which means that should the war go pear-shaped for them, they are often reduced to begging for peace in exchange for all they have: 5 shiny credits.
- Technically funds are measured in bc, "billion credits", but 1 bc is still chump change compared to the cost of running an interstellar empire.
- In Ace Attorney, Miles Edgeworth bribes a certain witness into behaving by offering her a stick of gum. And then requests that Phoenix gets the bill.
- This crops up several times in the Turnabout Samurai case. Phoenix is only able to convince a witness to the crime to tell what he saw in exchange for a very rare Steel Samurai card. The witness was a second grader who was more than a little obsessed with the show, but still. (Hilariously, before the exchange, the kid lectures Phoenix on the importance of equal value exchange of goods and services). Phoenix is only able to provide that rare card by trading another rare card to another collector.
- The first guard of McNeil Manor in Breath of Fire III will let you past for 50 zenny. That's about the price of five healing herbs. McNeil is a really cheap employer.
- In The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, overlapping Comically Small Demand, there are two little girls on Windfall Island who won't tell you anything they know unless you pay them 2 rupees (you can find this by cutting flowers for 15 seconds). And even then, they try to be dodgy about it.
- In Higurashi: When They Cry's Minagoroshi chapter Hanyu/Oyashiro-sama is highly against letting Takano into the shrine storage when Rika offers to take her. As a joke, Rika says she will charge 100 yen for each picture taken or 10000 yen up front for as many as they want. Hanyu is instantly satisfied at the thought of using this money to buy nothing but sweets.
- Sam & Max: Freelance Police:
Sam: Maybe a few...Washingtons will help change your mind?Max: Or maybe a few...Lincolns?
- In The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, it quite easy to get away with killing Thalmor solely provided you can pay a measly forty gold fine (for littering no less.) This is an in-universe insult to the Thalmor more than anything. Murdering other people comes at a much higher price.
- If you get caught committing a petty crime in a city where the Thieves' Guild's influence is high, you can pay half the fine for guards to go away. Meaning it's possible to get away with picking a lock by paying two gold, or get away with being seen picking a lock (and failing) with nothing but your winning smile.
- In The Binding of Isaac, you can sell your soul to the devil for one quarter. (That said, with prices for items in cents, a quarter in this game is quite valuable.)
- In Dawn of War: Retribution, inquisitor Adrastia attempts to bribe Blood Knight Space Pirate Kaptain Bluddflagg into fighting an entire Space Marine chapter, using the (by the setting's standard) ludicrously silly offer of a fight with an imperial regiment (which he could find anywhere) as payment for fighting the Space Marines. Bluddflagg actually accepts, if the Inquisitor gives him her Nice Hat as well (which, in a double subversion, the inquisitor is unwilling to compromise on. Geez, lady, it's only a hat).
- In a bit of Fridge Logic, this actually makes sense. Once the Space Marines have been dealt with, the remaining Orks would have to be mopped up to avoid further contention in the area. But giving up her hat would mean the inquisitor made an actual payment to a Xeno, which in The Imperium is an offence punishable by death.
- In Borderlands 2, Mister Torgue sold his company to his board of directors for 12 bucks and a hi-five.
- In FTL: Faster Than Light, if you've dealt a lot of damage to an enemy ship, they may offer you a bribe to leave them alone. If they're offering a lot of missiles or fuel or a nice weapon, you'll probably take them up on it. But if they offer one missile, one fuel, and only a handful of scrap, you really have to wonder how much value they place on their lives.
- In Knights of the Old Republic you have the opportunity to attempt to persuade the chieftain of the Sand People to stop his attacks on Anchorhead for 100 credits (barely enough to buy a medpac). The chieftain is understandably noncompliant, and your translator notes that they have no use for your money since they can't actually spend it. The actual goods he will take in exchange turn out to only cost 400, though; half that if you're good at negotiating. The Sand People mostly just need somebody to pick them up, since the store is in a settlement they're at war with.
- The AI in Europa Universalis is usually quite good at detecting when it's losing and proposing a suitable peace deal, based on the Casus Belli used and the claims/cores you have on its provinces. On occasion, however, this system can glitch out and lead to the computer offering to get out of a Reconquest of half its current territory for war reparations and a handful of ducats, even though you've crushed all its armies and are currently busy sieging down its capital.
- Caesar II lets the player send cash gifts to Caesar in exchange for goodwill and favours. His reactions to sums that are obviously well below what you can afford to offer your august Emperor get a bit dry:
"Thanks for the kind gift. I shall be sure to use it to purchase a grape at the next festival."
- One of the Strangers & Freaks sidequests in Grand Theft Auto V has Michael collecting the wreckage of a submarine for the "grieving" widow of the man who was killed in the sub after she promises to make it worth his while. Upon gathering all 30 pieces (which requires you to go all the way around the island) she offers you a measly $10 and a signed photo of her late husband. Michael has the option of expressing his opinion of the suitability of this reward at muzzle velocity.
- RWBY: Played for laughs. Nora is so determined that she and Ren end up on the same team together, she contemplates bribing the headmaster to ensure it happens. However, she quickly realizes that there's nothing a first-year student could possibly offer a man who owns an entire school.
- Ultra Fast Pony uses this for a one-two punch. First, in "The Penny and Clyde Show", it gets inverted:
Discord: Applejack, I want you to betray Twilight.
Applejack: How dare you! I would never betray my friends for no reason.
Discord: I'll give you a neverending apple!
Applejack: Ha, the joke's on you! I'da betrayed Twilight for just a regular apple!
Discord: Oh, whatever.
Twilight: Applejack! I need you to break your deal with Discord. And as payment, I will give you a regular apple!
- Then in the next episode, Twilight has to up the ante to get AJ back on her side.
Applejack: What, you think I'd go back on a deal just for one regular apple? What kind of pony do you think I am?
Twilight: Two regular apples!
Applejack: Yeah! Let's go kill Discord!
- Homestar Runner:
- In the Strong Bad Email "english paper", Strong Bad suggests that Kyle "throw in a little cash" to make sure he gets a good grade on his "Englilsh paper". An Easter egg shows a copy of the paper Strong Bad wrote for Kyle with a handful of small bills and coins taped to it that comes out to about $2.53.
- Played with in the SBEmail "lackey", where Strong Bad bribes The Cheat into stealing things for him by paying him in pencil shavings. Fortunately for The Cheat, he's able to trick Bubs into accepting pencil shavings as legal tender
- When Torg reaches into his wallet in Sluggy Freelance, he says "Maybe 'Mr Franklin' can change your mind", and then sticks his hand up into a puppet inside the wallet while yelling in a Mexican accent: "My name is Juan Frankleen, I shoot you in the head!" Actually works, once, but only because the guy in question was a "puppet-phobe".
- Used similarly in Moe, with this exchange.
Moe: Well, maybe my friend Benjamin Franklin can convince you to take on the case.Lawyer: This is a print-out of a portrait of Benjamin Franklin.Moe: Glossy paper!
- A non-illegal variant appeared in Something*Positive. Davan's boss went shopping for superhero licenses he could turn into a musical, and got the idea for Batman: The Musical. He tried to purchase the licensing rights for ten thousand dollarsnote . Needless to say, it doesn't work out very well.
- Ctrl+Alt+Del: Ethan continues to demonstrate his Cloudcuckoolander credentials.
- In Oglaf, the Mistress bribes (straight) Ivan to give a blowjob to the Xoan Ambassador... for a pinecone. Eventually the Mistress explains that the box holding the pinecone was enchanted to "make you want whatever's in it".
- Max in Housepets! makes it all the more comical: "Mr. Washington" is a quarter.
- Fletcher in Antics attempts to bribe his friend with a piece of chewed up gum
- One of the main characters in Paul Southworth's Ugly Hill tries to bribe a patent office clerk with a quarter and some pocket lint to ignore that the invention he wants to patent, a pillow that stays cool on both sides, already exists.
- In Coach Random, Nightlatch the Frog Pimp introduces cops to his friend Washington—who is the man featured on the $1 bill.
- Rule #14 for the Precocious kids: "Bribes are accepted. Insufficient bribes, however, bring harsher punishment."
- Latchkey Kingdom: Don't bother insulting Rex the palace guard by trying to bribe him with a bone. The latest issue of Playdog works better.
- One Full Frontal Nerdity strip had the guys trying to order pizza after they'd previously been forced to tip the driver with a Magic: The Gathering card due to being out of cash. The pizza place was... not terribly enthusiastic about delivering to them again.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd does its own spin on this. When Pat The NES Punk discovers a gold Nintendo World Championship '90 cart in a game bundle the Nerd bought, the Nerd tries to trade it back for some very common/pack-in games, such as Combat for Atari 2600 and Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt for the NES. It goes along as well as you'd expect.
- In Blogging Twilight, when Dan reaches the part where Alice bribes a guard with a "thousand dollar bill", he is initially confused as to what currency that is exactly, seeing as there is no thousand dollar bill in either US currency or Euros. He ultimately concludes that it must be a thousand Lira which is worth about seventy-five American cents, noting "So this guard is either really stupid and doesn't know much about money, or he's very poor and needs whatever funds he can scrounge up to buy half a potato for dinner." (Presumably the text meant to suggest that Alice still had thousand dollar American bills, printed from either 1928 or 1934)
- In Death Note: The Abridged Series (kpts4tv) Near offers to share his satellite feed if Light agrees to pay him in LEGOs.
- In the premiere of Broken Quest, the hero attempts to bribe a bartender (who doesn't even have the information he's looking for) with a single piece of candy.
- Naruto: The Abridged Comedy Fandub Spoof Series Show: some paperclips and a Subway coupon.
- Sporcle's SIA Puzzle Hunt has you solve a series of puzzles/quizzes to find items to bribe supervillains with for information about a mystery supervillain's planned terrorist threat. As these bribe items are all part of a larger metapuzzle, most of them are not exactly the kind of valuable/rare items you'd expect supervillains to be swayed only by, which leads to humorous scenarios like successfully bribing Doctor Doom with a garden hose.
- One episode of the My Brother, My Brother and Me TV show, Griffin is attempting to get an old job back from Justin's father-in-law, Tommy. During the interview, Griffin slips Tommy $6. It doesn't go well.
- Later in the episode he tries to give the audio crew $20 so that he can be de-miced first so that he can go pee. It also doesn't work well, on account of the fact that Travis and Justin were already de-miced first.
- Aang attempts this on a pirate while haggling in Avatar: The Last Airbender. Fortunately the pirate thinks it is quite comical, until Aang tries a higher price which is only one copper piece higher. Pirate's not so amused the second time.
- The Fairly OddParents!:
- As part of a plan to get rid of Poof, Foop tried to have the Fairy Council declare Timmy Turner the worst godchild ever. (All wishes of godchildren declared as such are undone and Poof only came into existence because Timmy wished Cosmo and Wanda had a baby) After the Fairy Council declared Timmy the worst godchild ever, Jorgen reminded Foop that, as Poof's Anti-Fairy counterpart, he only came into existence because Poof did. "If he goes, you go!" Foop then offered a dollar bill and asked if anyone could break it.
- In "Fairly Old Parent", Wanda and Timmy are arrested by the bingo police for suggesting to Mrs. Crocker that she cheat at bingo (Makes Just as Much Sense in Context). Wanda then offers them a quarter to just forget about the whole thing. She and Timmy wind up in bingo jail.
- In an episode of Brickleberry, the park rangers lose their park to Bobby Possumcods losing their jobs and homes and he converts Brickleberry into a trailer park, so Woody and Ethel try to bribe Bobby to give them back the park with $3.47 on a McDonald's gift card. Bobby rejects this, even though he wasn't making any money anyways as he didn't charge rent to the rednecks who moved into his trailer park nor did he keep Brickleberry open as a national park so that he can make money off the admissions.
- South Park:
- Played with the Briefcase Full of Money in the episode "Gnomes": a global coffee company executive attempts to buy Tweek's coffee shop with an empty briefcase. After Mr. Tweek rejects the suitcase, then the executive offers him millions of dollars.
- In "Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society", Bebe bribes a plastic surgeon to give her a breast reduction for $212 (in nickels) and a gold bracelet, even though any surgery regarding breasts costs at least a few thousand dollars. In contrast, Wendy gets breast implants right away just for offering $3000 in cash.
- In Family Guy:
Mayor West: This pen, this worthless plastic pen I have millions of back in my office?
- When Peter has declared his house to be a sovereign nation, he ends up at war with the United States. Peter's first peace offer is that he gets to keep his sovereignty and gets his neighbor Joe's pool, which is denied, and then just keeping his sovereignity, which is denied again. So he demands... a pen sitting on the desk in front of him:
- When Peter was visiting Brown University he offers the Dean's secretary a $5 bribe to get Meg admitted.
- Peter also learns that the Cuban Black Market does not accept bits of string in lieu of payment. Store policy.
- Peter tried to bribe a judge with a magazine subscription. The judge turns it down because he already has a subscription to that magazine.
- Chris runs off to live with a tribe in the jungle. When the family arrives to get him back Peter learns that his $37 makes him the richest man in the village and he begins giving out tiny bribes for everything, including the natives acting out Seinfeld episodes. Also Joe Pesci will say things that sound funny for a nickel. After he laughs Peter throws a coin at the village warriors - "Here's a dime. Kill Pesci."
- The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: In "Duck!", Irwin tried bailing Grim who's been arrested for indecent exposure out of jail for $4.28. The warden gets very offended and demands Irwin either pony up $3500 or scram.
- Kim Possible:
- One episode had Ron try and bribe a judge of a dog show with $5 to sign Rufus in as a Peruvian hairless. It actually works, much to Kim's surprise.
- Another episode had Kim successfully bribe a black market dealer with a chocolate bar. Though in this case, it's implied that the chocolate was a serious Weaksauce Weakness of the dealer, which Kim knew about from prior experience with him.
- The Simpsons:
- Bart Simpson once tried to bribe the officer with a hairdryer, or some other house appliance. The cop showed him his badge: "cash bribes only".
- Inverted in another episode, where Mr. Burns attempted to bribe the head of a media outlet to let him run the place with a huge bag of money, but he refuses, offers him another bag of money, he still refuses, to which a hot woman pops out of the second bag and while starting to actually consider the offer, was still not giving in, and managed to successfully bribe him when the hot woman in question offers him a hot-fudge sundae.
- In another episode, Officer Wiggum actually accepts two dry cleaning coupons as a bribe for an unspecified offense.
- In another episode, Bart and Lisa try to bribe the Blue-Haired Lawyer with 35 cents.
- A foreign currency variant when the family is in Canada, Homer gives the CN Tower guard one US dollar when it's five minutes to closing. "American currency! What time you would like your breakfast, sir?"
- Happened again when Homers gives one U.S. dollar to Tony Blair to leave them alone; he takes the dollar but doesn't leave anyway.
- In a Bait-and-Switch scenario, Homer and Bart had chloroform with them when they broke into a hotel. When they met a guard, Homer offered him the chloroform as a bribe, which the guard accepted.
- In another one, Homer was trying to find Lisa and decided he needed to look from a high spot. He then bought several balloons, which he used to bribe a crane driver into helping him. It also worked... because the crane driver had balloons, but not as pretty.
- (Yet again) Homer attempts this with the Springfield Mafia. When they offer him to pay his debt by letting them film a porno movie in his house. Not wanting to upset Marge, he instead offers to mow Fat Tony's lawn every week for two weeks. And then adds "I can't do it next week". He promptly gets a hammer to the fingers and changes his mind.
- SpongeBob SquarePants:
- The Flying Dutchman offered some pocket change ("62 cents!") to Mr. Krabs if he sold SpongeBob's soul to him. Mr. Krabs sold SpongeBob's soul for the pocket change. Even Squidward, who absolutely hates SpongeBob, called him out on it. A Beat goes by...and cue Mr. Krabs' Oh, Crap!/My God, What Have I Done? face.
- In The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, SpongeBob attempts to bribe Dennis with "Goober Dollers". He's unimpressed.
- Mr. Krabs once switched places with Plankton, saying he could do a better job at stealing the formula than him, for one dollar.
- In an episode of The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries, an Italian crook threatens to drain every canal in Venice dry unless he gets 3 thousand lire. Which is something like 6 American dollars. This is even funnier now that Italy has switched to Euros and lire can't even be used.
- Beavis and Butt-Head tried this when they photocopied a dollar bill in order to buy nachos. When the Quick Stop guy doesn't fall for it, Butthead offers him another obviously copied dollar, and then photocopied coins, until the guy throws them out.
Butthead: "Maybe this will change your mind?"
- In The Oblongs, when it is suggested offhandedly that Bob consider filing a lawsuit after being injured by a Globocide park ride, Globocide's lawyers immediately offer him a "really big check." It is in fact a novelty check worth only $20, which Pickles points out. They simply say, "But look how big it is!"
- Murdoc Niccals of Gorillaz was, as a child, forced to participate in embarrassing talent shows for money by his father. "The prize? £2.50 and the chance to humiliate yourself further in the biannual county finals." To add insult to injury, he apparently never won.
- In an episode of Earthworm Jim, Jim and his gang successfully enter the Hall of the Gods by giving the gatekeeper a $1 bribe.
- In The Weekenders, Carver attempts to bribe a man with "his friend Mr. Washington." When the man points out how stupid attempting to bribe with a dollar is, Carver replies that he was actually offering him a quarter.
- In Hey Arnold!, Arnold's grandmother attempts to bribe someone with, "Maybe a picture of Lincoln will change your mind..." — and shows the guy a small framed portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Arnold steps in and bribes him successfully with an actual $5 bill.
- The Powerpuff Girls: Princess Morbucks bribes the Mayor of Townsville to give her his job. He turns down $1 trillion, then $5 trillion, but accepts a roomful of Turkish Delight candy.
- In Dan Vs. "Art", Dan attempts to get records of failed art school applicants:
Secretary: I'm not giving you our private records.
Dan: Well, maybe this (puts a sandwich on her desk) will change your mind.
Secretary: Are you trying to bribe me...with a sandwich?!
Dan: Come on, aren't you a starving artist? ♪It's a really good sandwich♪.
(Secretary just glares at him)
Dan: Playing hardball, huh? (tosses a bag of chips on the desk) They're ruffled.
- Played with in The Ren & Stimpy Show when Ren and Stimpy were working as bell boys. Stimpy was bribed by a photographer to take a picture of a VIP for five dollars. When Stimpy doesn't take the bribe, the photographer raises the price to one million dollars, but Stimpy still won't fold. Later, he makes the same offer of five dollars to Ren. When Ren hesitates, the photographer begins to offer the million dollars before Ren enthusiastically cuts him off and takes the five dollars.
- In Pinky and the Brain, some male scientists are successfully bribed with women's nightgowns.
- Camp Lazlo: In "The Tusk Wizard", Raj attempts to bribe Nurse Leslie into removing a perfectly healthy tusk by offering him a quarter.
- Time Warp Trio had some fun with this one. A man from the 30s offers The Girls $1, which is actually a lot of money back then. However, he unknowingly offers it to a trio of time travelers from 2105 with Ridiculous Future Inflation in play, so they view it this way. There was also The Boys offering Blackbeard a quarter, which he views as a large bribe, before discovering it's effectively useless to him as no tavern will take it. In a straighter example, the number of times Joe offered to do (what is almost always recognized as, and if not, quickly discovered to be) a cheap parlor trick in exchange for passage through somewhere in a series that only has 24 episodes is mind boggling.
- An episode of DuckTales (1987) contains an inversion: Scrooge and a rival are both trying to obtain a rare mask from a native tribe, and both are offering larger and larger bribes to try to get the chief to give them the mask. Scrooge's nephews, however, figure out that what's valued in this tribe is not money, but "a large belly," so they offer the chief a jar of high-fat, high-calorie peanut butter. The chief gives the mask to Scrooge on the spot.
- Futurama has an episode where Dr. Zoidberg is trying to get the head of a Yeti from Mom, the richest person in the universe.
Mom: It will cost you.Zoidberg: But I am penniless! All that I have is this coupon for a free tanning!Mom: (genuinely concerned) Is that really all you have? (Zoidberg nods) Then I'll take it!
- Total Drama Island:
- Heather assembles an ad hoc coalition to eliminate the innocent Justin to protect her guilty self after she alienates the other contestants. She recruits Owen by giving him a piece of cake. In a game where $100,000 is at stake.
- In Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race, Dwayne Sr. tries to bribe the new host Don out of receiving a penalty by offering him coupons. The first coupon was for 25¢ off Eggie Muffins, the second was expired.
- Highroller of Hero: 108 managed to turn all the animal species against the humans, with a simple offering of candy.
- Recess had this a few times, since the main characters were children and were bribing their fellow students. Aside from one occurrence where Gus didn't bring a permission slip to a carnival and TJ tried to bribe the teacher into letting him come anyway with a quarter.
- Dr. Venture tries this in The Venture Bros., attempting to bribe a Mexican Back-Alley Doctor with a $10 bill to get prescription medicines. See the page quote for the doctor's reply.
- Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends:
- Bloo frequently tries to buy others off with pocket change to no effect. Often he'll throw in an extra penny to try and sweeten the deal.
- In another episode, Coco has laid a bunch of trading cards featuring the friends at Foster's. After finding out his own card is extremely common and everyone uses it for things like coasters and leveling tables, he offers to trade one of his cards... autographed by him! Wilt points out that said autograph makes the card worth even less.
- Danger Mouse: In "The Great Bone Idol," a troop of nomad guards are paid a fortune by Greenback to keep DM and Penfold off his trail in the search for the Idol. Penfold offers them a pound and thirty-seven plus an autographed picture of DM to let them pass. The guards have never heard of him.
- In The Amazing World of Gumball, Gumball tries to bribe the nurse into giving him a sick note with a quarter.
Gumball: And there's plenty more where that came from. How does a thousand cents sound to you?Darwin: Ten dollars?Gumball: *Beat* How does a hundred cents sound to you?
- In Garfield and Friends, Jon, Garfield, and Odie are attending a fancy restaurant where they are informed it will be an incredibly long wait for a table. Garfield hints to Jon that he should bribe the maitre d' to hurry things along, which he does...with a dime. The maitre d' (completely ironically of course) praises Jon's generosity and talks about how this one dime will change his life (e.g. he can now send his child to college), and all loud enough so the whole restaurant hears. Thoroughly embarrassed, Jon raises the value of the bribe considerably, which ultimately does get the maitre d' to find a table for them.
- The German satirical magazine Titanic offered a cuckoo clock, sausages and ham to delegates of the FIFA World championship committee to support the German bid to host the 2006 World Cup. A $20 value for arguably the biggest sporting event in the world. Amazingly it worked, as one of the delegates who was supposed to vote for South Africa got very confused and abstained, causing the final vote to be 12-11 in Germany's favor. South Africa did get the World Cup in 2010.
- On November 8, 2009, Chad Ochocinco of the Cincinnati Bengals offered an official $1 during a replay challenge on one of his own catches. Even though he was joking, he got hit with a $20,000 fine.
- This Not Always Right entry has a customer, convinced that the cashier knows when the store will get more Wiis but is trying to keep it secret, try to bribe him with $20 for the info. As the cashier points out, even assuming he did have secret knowledge of the store's shipments, $20 is not worth the punishment he'd get for giving out such a secret.
- People find it amusing when politicians and bureaucrats revealed to have accepted bribes turn out to have accepted what seem to be ridiculously small bribes in exchange for their favour. A few million dollars, people can respect that. A few thousand dollars worth of furniture, on the other hand...
- Though this could be them trying to seem subtle, a truckload of new furniture isn't nearly as suspicious as several thousand-ish dollars suddenly appearing in the bank.
- Roger Ebert's contests on his blog, such his limerick contest and photo caption contest have always given tiny rewards of "a shiny new dime." In the case of the caption contest, it became satirical Serious Business when the winning entry was accused of plagiarism, and the prize given to another, only to find that it wasn't and for the original winner to receive his dime after all.
- His "Outguess Ebert at the Oscars" defy this, as being official contests the prizes can range as high as a private screening to the years' Ebertfest or Pixar film. The most recent prize was the highest, $100,000, a year that Ebert only correctly guessed 15 Oscars out of 24.
- Stephen Merchant's harrowing encounter with a nightclub bouncer certainly counts. It's one thing to flaunt your cash in front of some girls, quite another when that attempt consists of offering 7 quid on a 5 quid entry fee.
- After Terminator Salvation, Joss Whedon offered to buy the Terminator franchise for $10,000. This was apparently not taken seriously, as the rights were up for sale, and ended up not being sold.
- A contestant on Family Fortunes, whose family had not covered themselves in glory, once offered to buy the rights to that episode so it would never be shown — for £100. The producer had to explain to them that this fell somewhat short of covering the show's £38,000 costs.
- The anti-corruption organization 5th Pillar prints zero rupee notes which are intended to shame officials who ask for bribes.
- Bribery often takes the form of items of wealth and taste rather then money because money seems less "classy". One mole in Russia was paid by the CIA with a custom sporting rifle, although in his case he intended to defect for ideological reasons and simply asked for the bribe on the "why not?" argument.
- When a painting was stolen from the Museum of Bad Art, a reward of $6.50 was offered for its safe return. The stakes were later raised to $36.73, but eventually it was returned with no ransom paid.
- North Korean border guards are reliably known to both Chinese and North Korean contraband smugglers to accept cans of Coke as an acceptable bribe to look the other way when going in or out of North Korea. Utterly priceless to the North Koreans, still a dollar or less per can to a Chinese.
- The inverted version has happened numerous times in real life, usually either selling something for $1 or working for $1 a year. Although most of these people working on $1 salaries are actually paid in stock options and other perks that would easily be worth millions of dollars (it also serves as a convenient tax dodge; in America, income from stocks are taxed more leniently than salaries).
- The Knights Hospitalier were given the islands of Tripoli, Malta and Gozo by the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V in 1530. The yearly rent on all three (pretty sizeable) islands was a bird - a single Maltese falcon - and the Knights duly paid up until 1798. This is where the famous detective story's title comes from.
- There exists a superstition that giving a knife as a gift is bad luck. Therefore, it is customary for those who believe this to "buy" the knife instead, with whatever small change they happen to have in their pocket at the time.