"This comic started as an attempt to make pornography. It degenerated into sex comedy pretty much immediately. Even so, there are some things depicted that are best kept away from children and work. Please click on the button below to certify you're over 18. Of course, if you are under 18, you can't legally certify anything. So if you're a minor, please get a parent to click the button which says you aren't. Thank you. (Taking moral advice from cartoon characters is probably a bad idea.)"
— opening disclaimer
Oglaf is a very well-drawn and often seriously NSFW webcomic by Trudy Cooper and Doug Bayne. Most of the episodes (called "stories") are single non-sequential pages, though some stretch out longer; the very first one was eight pages long. The comic started out as a gag-a-week work, but slowly started including longer Story Arcs, most of the time focusing on Ivan and his never-ending torment at the hands of Mistress and Sandoval, the Ambassador of Xoan. These arcs appear to be (very) slowly coming together into a single overarching plot.Just a note: Click "Next page" to see the next page of a story. "Next story" to see the next story. The last page of each story has a small diagonal cutout at the bottom right-hand corner. Also, some stories have an epilogue that is behind a separate link.Most strips are very, very NSFW. So many that the strips that are work-safe are the ones slapped with a warning label. However, the comic also features many gags that are quite innocuous or just "immature". The comic features creative character design, excellent artwork, inventive jokes (SFW or otherwise), and is definitely worth a look if you are over 18 and nowhere near your workplace.Recurring characters include (but aren't limited to):
Mistress: A cruel dictator, usually busy either ruling her nation or finding new ways to torture her slaves. When she's not doing either, she torments Ivan for giggles.
Ivan: Mistress' sorcery apprentice and the ostensible protagonist. Not allowed to have sex (or even wank) under castle regulations. To make sure he doesn't get distracted from that rule, Mistress cursed him with walking, talking semen. As of 5/22/11, in a magicalsleep.
Cumsprite: Ivan's walking, talking (or more accurately, running and yelling) semen, which runs to Mistress and tattles whenever released. Notably, a Cumsprite is conjured from his semen whenever he ejaculates, whether by masturbation or not.
Sandoval: The Ambassador of Xoan. Staying with Mistress as a political guest, he sexually harasses Ivan whenever he's bored. He also seems to be sexually attracted to food, especially desserts.
Oglaf: A farm boy. The Chosen One, although chosen for what, we're not sure.
Ponce de Leon & assistant: Two adventurers in search of the Fountain of Youth. They haven't been seen since the Fountain of Girl incident.
The Snow Queen: The personification of Winter. Satisfying her is necessary for Winter to end and for Spring to start. Greir gladly takes up the challenge. invoked
Kronar, Son of Man: A Barbarian who lives by a ridiculous serious code of honor.
Vanka: Female thief. Exceptionally clever, light-fingered and voluptuous. One half of a Battle Couple with a male thief.
Navaan: Female vampire. Captures Ivan in Vanorva with the intent to kill him, but soon finds him useful for... other things. Later escaped Vanorva and set herself up as a "doctor," despite having no idea what that is.
The Dwarves: Three little men with bad teeth, limited fukken vocabularies, and lunatic enthusiasm for creating bizarre and fukken awesome magical items.
Morag the Immortal: A female religious warrior who, true to her name, is immortal. She will fight for any religion, and loses her entire body save for the head doing so.
Thessaly and Tristram: A pair of princes who are the sons of a Caligula king and lament having to satisfy his absurd whims.
The talking fox: A tricky and sometimes helpful fox with a wall-eyed stare and perpetual grin.
Mistertique: A masked super-hero like character who represents the masculine mystique. Enjoys setting women up to want to have sex with him, then leaving before doing the deed.
Blonde girl with the hat: A yet-unnamed character who enjoys teasing others. She appears to be part of Vanka's crew, as she was incarcerated with her and they enjoyed a spirited rapport.
Because the site has a SFW "Do you really want to see this content?" page, we allow links to the site, but do not link directly to NSFW comics.
All Women Are Lustful: It's that kind of world, but there are a few exceptions: notably, Greir seems to be more focused on other matters and Morag the Immortal only succumbs to this when mesmerized by the Funsnake.
Alt Text: Please note that each strip has not only an ALT text but also a TITLE text, both different. Which one you see when mousing over it is dependent on your browser — Google Chrome, for example, shows the Alt. Text. Only for the first few comics (which possibly didn't have Alt. Text) does the Title Text show up.
Amazon Brigade: The Mistress' female guards in their revealing outfits.
Anthropomorphic Personification: Of winter, obviously, but also of many more abstract concepts. Most of which involve having sex with them. (It's that kind of world).
The Baroness: The Mistress is definitely a Sexpot, but depending on who you are (i.e. a very straight guy), her intentions might be nasty, placing her under the Rosa Klebb variety.
Bed Trick: Planned in Cornwalling, but then rejected in favor of more practical alternative. Also attempted in Homecoming, but there was a change in plans.
The Berserker: Suffers cruel discrimination in The Pink Haze.
Beware the Silly Ones: Just when you begin to think Mistress rules through nothing more than sexual deviance, odd devices, and a lot of willing retainers, this happens.
Books That Bite: The Book of Love. At least, it tries to eat parts of Ivan...
Braids of Action: Greir has the paired variety, hanging down from either side of her head. Interestingly, only her bangs are braided this way, the rest of her hair hangs freely.
The wizard that transformed in "Cornwalling" reappears in a similar position in a more recent comic.
When Ivan refuses to go for the offered antidote and instead threatens to tell everyone that Sandoval poisoned him in "Premature Requiem", Sandoval sees this as romantic and offers him a locket as evidence instead. In "Infffirmary", we see two other patients showing similar symptoms to Ivan's, clutching lockets. Busy night, ambassador?
Ivan's tattletale jizz turned into one on at least two occasions.
On a third occasion, Navaan is disappointed when someone else's fails to do so.
Cerebus Syndrome: Oglaf has always had re-occurring characters and some gags built on top of previous ones, but as time went by the strips involving Ivan in particular shifted into gradually longer multi-week arcs, which put him in ever more dire situations. Often still funny, but also part of longer and more serious stories. As time went on, even more characters have been thrown into dire-situation plots, including Greir and Navaan.
Characterization Marches On: Greir's thing now appears to be that she hates fun, and doesn't seem to understand the concept. But in her earlier appearances, particularly "Meltwater," she clearly had at least some idea what it was.
A Date with Rosie Palms: Ivan the Apprentice, constantly, even though for the longest time he was forbidden even this. He managed to find a way to beat the system though. Oglaf may be the only thing that's not American Pie that managed to turn it into an important recurring plot point.
Of the Androcles Lion (specifically, the Kindly Hunter variation), here.
Deconstructor Fleet: The one-off strips especially tend to mock fantasy cliches, porn cliches, or both, but can even get into mocking abstract concepts like gendered language (or abstract concepts in general).
Everyone Calls Him Barkeep: The Mistress is known only by her title. Ivan is generally referred to as "apprentice," and Sandoval is usually just called "the Xoan Ambassador".
Zeus, even more so than in the myths. Here, he turns into a golden shower to seduce Danae, but then decides he's more attracted to the water in a bucket she's washing herself with.
The Xoan ambassador has a fling with a tray of... well, not dessert now. He really can't see anyone wanting to eat it anymore.
Did we mention it's that kind of world?
Eyes Always Shut: Kronar the barbarian, except when showing rage or shock.
Played with in the strips dedicated to Ponce de Leon's search for said fountain with his dowdy assistant. They eventually do find a magical fountain, only to realize too late it's actually the Fountain of Girl. Well, at least they were young that way too...
Fridge Brilliance : An in-universe example from Greir in this strip. "It Takes a Fake Death to kill a fake god. And you figured it out." This moment is subverted soon afterward, however.
Further brilliance: The monks worship luck, and their faith was rewarded.
Genius Ditz: Navaan. She is perceptive enough to notice things such as disguised statues and is even able to understand specifically how to deal with a severed immortal's head without lungs despite believing that the function of a doctor is to "solve mysteries."
God Guise: The malevolent god worshipped by the fools' cult is an inversion; a real god disguised as a fake god according to one of its followers. It looks like a bunch of people in a lousy costume when it's actually a very real and very dangerous deity. An immortal warrior found this out the hard way and lost her sword and everything below her neck for her troubles.
Groin Attack: The Giant Cockbats, though not in the traditional fashion.
If a man attempts traditional sexual intercourse with the Snow Queen, he...suffers.
Horny Devils: Mistress's pair of captive succubi. It's not (yet) known what they would do if she ever unchained them. One of Ivan's duties is to oil their naked bodies twice a day.
An Ice Person: The Snow Queen. Though she really is very nice.
I Know Your True Name: Because I've just changed it. That's the power of appellomancers, name wizards: they change someone's name and consequently their nature.
The Ambassador has made several advances towards the Apprentice, who definitely prefers women. This seems not to bother the Ambassador at all.
The bounty huntress Greir seems to be ladies-only, but has been hit on at least twice by men (one a shapeshifter who quickly and awkwardly attempts to rectify the situation).
The Informant: Ivan's curse is that his semen comes to life and runs to tell the Mistress what he's been doing.
Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique: Greir is fond of simple methods. Primarily making a quip, tying someone up, and punching them until they tell her what she needs to know.
Jerkass Genie: He'll grant any wish, but will punish you if you don't make the one he wants you to make.
Just Like Robin Hood: Parodied here. He steals from the rich, all right, and he kinda gives it to the poor, but his methods of distribution are a bit unorthodox.
Logic Bomb: A simple one, but then the dwarves aren't the most sophisticated creatures around.
Love Letter Lunacy: The Apprentice here started receiving odd love letters from anonymous sources, who in some cases weren't even sure of his gender. The notes quickly got rather more ridiculous.
A Man Is Not a Virgin: Averted with Ivan, if only because the in-universe definition of 'virgin' is fairly strict. To the residents of Vanorva, who are all virgins, he's "the slut" and consequently the hero of some hilariously improbable fanfiction.
Meaningful Name: What you'll get stuck with if you insult an Apellomancer. And it won't be flattering, either.
Memetic Sex God : The protagonist of Prowess strip becomes one In-Universe, thanks to a magic amulet.
Mind Control: Probably more examples in the archives, but in Frog 2, a woman is "cursed to be a slut" by a witch. A very forward thinking witch, it seems — when the traditional kiss-to-cure trick is tried by a local maiden, it turns out its a case of Viral Transformation, too.
As of the 8/26/12 update ("Slut Virus"), it seems that things have progressed around the kingdom's populace to the extent of Zombie Apocalypse levels... a very sexy zombie apocalypse...
Mr. Seahorse: In Kronar's all-male line, this would be the case.
Morton's Fork: The Ambassador tricks the Apprentice into eating a poisoned cake then offers him to suck the antidote off his penis. Turns out the antidote was poison too. Refusing doesn't save the Apprentice any suffering in the end.
Used again in "Rite of Passage". Kids are given a rite of passage to adulthood. If you do what you are told, you will be bitten by a venomous bog beast and die in a terribly painful manner. If you refuse, you pass. If you pass, you are offered another "rite of passage" (yes, with another bog beast, and in an equally painful manner as the last). If you pass again, you are given a treasure chest. If you open it, you die because it has a bog beast in it, but at least it'll go for your face first. If you refuse... well, we don't know what happens then, but judging by the pattern, it'll include a bog beast. In summary, "Aah, kids. Fuck 'em."
Orifice Evacuation: Ivan's semen turns into a Cumsprite whenever he ejaculates. After being so cursed, he manages to get fellatio. The predictable happens, but the woman (a virgin vampire) declares it to be adorable.
Later, the phrase "bring out the goddess in me" takes on a whole new meaning.
Orifice Invasion: The alien doctors' cleansssing polyp. (It only goes in the mouth, but it's clearly still unpleasant).
Out with a Bang: One of the more unusual plays on this you're likely to find - Ivan's spooges end their "lives" by splashing on (so far) a woman's face or breasts.
Petite Pride: The Mistress is rather small and Greir is also modestly endowed, but they never complain about it. And commenting wouldn't be wise in either case.
Porn With Plot: Word Of God is that the comic started out as an attempt to make pornography, until it "degenerated into sex comedy pretty much immediately."
Precision F-Strike: Although the comic is loaded with swearing, one particularly precise example appears in the punchline of Also, Elves.
"Dead" Elvish Prince: For fuck's sake.
Progressively Prettier: Ivan evolved from being a goofy looking comical character in the beginning to a genuinely hot pretty boy with ever-so curly hair. Though how much of this is Progressively Prettier and how much is simply Art Evolution is unclear.
Subverted in "Blue Door" and in "Book of Love". Played straight and lampshaded in "Glove". It should be noted that the schmuck in all three examples is the same guy, although he only falls for it the third time. And even then, he was pretty sure it was a trap from the start.
In "Lair of the Trapmaster", the explorers find themselves in an empty room with nothing but the word "Overthinking" painted on the wall. They stay there the rest of the strip wondering what it means. (Subverted? Played straight? Who knows.)
Science Is Bad: Parodied by a now-overheating passerby due to dwarves inventing a cold-proof vibrator for the Snow Queen. "Yeah, spring used to mean something before technology ruined the world."
Screw Destiny: Apparently, you can't fight destiny... unless it's your destiny to fight destiny. When you try to fight fighting destiny by not fighting destiny... you get a knife in the throat from a pissed-off seer. "No way am I letting that little shit become king."
Given the tone of the rest of the series, it's only a matter of time before we see this literally happen.
Serial Escalation: In-Universe in this comic, two warriors in a bar make BadassBoasts on how they will defeat a monster while handicapping themselves, each one more outrageous than the last. It gets to the point that the monster arrives to terrorize the bar and finds everyone inside dead from cutting themselves and everyone there apart to fulfill their bravado.
Shaggy Dog Story: Several, particularly the whole arc that starts with "Shaft" and seems to end in "Wake" on the words "stupid f'ing town". Justice/Atonement is another example.
Likewise, a forest nymph seems particularly inclined toward seducing and assuming the shape of wayward princes, which backfires when it turns out one of the victims wasn't entirely honest on an important point.
Another shapeshifter happens to be successful — despite his Brutal Honesty.
Terrifyingly played straight in "Pork Chisel" with the still-conscious statues.
Might also apply to the guy in "Noblesse Obligee" - he's magically stuck for a long time, and from the fact that his pose doesn't change between panels he may be magically paralyzed as well.
Sword Master: Hey! What do you think you're doing? I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP, BOY!
(Beat Panel as he pulls out a picture of his apprentice)
Sword Master: Just give me a month.
Technical Virgin: The in-universe definition of "virgin" tends to be pretty strict:
An entire city of them!
Ivan himself is identified as a virgin, but he by his own admittance is constantly having sexual things done to him, just nothing that breaks the technical status of his virginity. The castle doctors express concern his lack of sexual experience might end up killing him.
The Tease: The blonde with the hat (who as of yet still remains unnamed) takes this Up to Eleven. Her first appearance involved her mocking a prison guard through a (clothed) sexual display with Vanka. Subsequent appearances have her teasing male lovers with outrageous demands and unorthodox fetishes, such as requiring them to state a ''preamble'' before engaging in coitus.
After Kronar leaves a man alive to tell the story, the man later calls Kronar a wuss for doing so. When Kronar hears and decides to kill him and his friends, leaving only one alive, they still can't resist teasing him about it. So he kills them all. And torches the tavern they're in. And stabs a few nearby trees.
Too Kinky to Torture: Ivan — at least, Navaan seems to think so. You have to wonder how her other victims reacted to the threat of sexual intercourse with a hot woman...
Considering that the entire city is populated with virgins who are terrified at even the possibility that someone sexually promiscuous might be running about, Navaan probably expected such threats to elicit a somewhat more fearful reaction.
Turn Undead: Though not the kind you were thinking.
Twincest: The first sign that the "Felicia" hallucination is beginning to break down is when Ivan sees that his hot wife has given birth to two fully-grown twins who are making out with each other.
What do you mean you don't get the joke in "Salome?" How did you not know that the biblical Salome's dance convinced Herod to behead John the Baptist, and that in Oscar Wilde's adaptation of the story she kisses his decapitated head?
Not to mention Scherazade's occasional appearance.
And of course there's the 'Golden Hind' Bordello.
Virgin Sacrifice: Navaan has been sending virgins "out" of Vanorva to be eaten by her fellow vampires. It's not clear whether the victims have to be virgins or if virgins are just the easiest prey.
The religious order in "Lapis Lazuli." When Vanka comes to plunder their idol, she's clever enough to deflower her attackers before making off with her prize.
Visual Pun/Multiple Reference Pun: Sandoval's funeral outfit includes a bundle of sticks on his head; i.e. a faggot. Sandoval is gay. It's also mourning wood.
She's about to torture a man in a way so horrible once you understand that it's a good thing when her pet falcon incinerates him with its laser eyes. Although this prompts her to sell the bird.
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