"This comic started as an attempt to make pornography. It degenerated into sex comedy pretty much immediately. Even so, there are some things depicted that are best kept away from children and work. Please click on the button below to certify you're over 18. Of course, if you are under 18, you can't legally certify anything. So if you're a minor, please get a parent to click the button which says you aren't. Thank you. (Taking moral advice from cartoon characters is probably a bad idea.)"
— opening disclaimer
Oglaf is an often seriously NSFW webcomic by Trudy Cooper and Doug Bayne. Most of the episodes (called "stories") are single non-sequential pages, though some stretch out longer; the very first one was eight pages long. The comic started out as a gag-a-week work, but slowly started including longer Story Arcs, most of the time focusing on Ivan and his never-ending torment at the hands of Mistress and Sandoval, the Ambassador of Xoan. These arcs appear to be (very) slowly coming together into a single overarching plot.Just a note: Click "Next page" to see the next page of a story. "Next story" to see the next story. The last page of each story has a small diagonal cutout at the bottom right-hand corner. Also, some stories have an epilogue that is behind a separate link.Most strips are very, very NSFW; the strips that are work-safe are the ones slapped with a warning label. However, the comic also features many gags that are quite innocuous or just "immature".Recurring characters include (but aren't limited to):
Mistress: A cruel dictator, with some very serious magical powers, usually busy either ruling her nation (which mostly consists of appeasing allies and receiving tributes from neighbors) or finding new ways to torture her slaves. When she's not doing either, she torments Ivan for giggles.
Ivan: Mistress' sorcery apprentice and the ostensible protagonist. Not allowed to have sex (or even wank) under castle regulations. To make sure he doesn't get distracted from that rule, Mistress cursed him with walking, talking semen. As of 5/22/11, in a magicalsleep.
Cumsprite: Ivan's walking, talking (or more accurately, running and yelling) semen, which runs to Mistress and tattles whenever released, regardless of how it happened.
Sandoval: The Ambassador of Xoan. Staying with Mistress as a political guest (and apparently one she wants to please), he sexually harasses Ivan whenever he's bored. He also seems to be sexually attracted to food, especially desserts.
Greir: A female adventurer. The comic's resident Deadpan Snarker. Having not been named in-comic, she's also known as the Lesbian Mercenary. She's considered "impervious to fun," although she does enjoy victory.
Oglaf: A farm boy. The Chosen One, although chosen for what, we're not sure.
Ponce de Leon & assistant: Two adventurers in search of the Fountain of Youth. They haven't been seen since the Fountain of Girl incident.
The Snow Queen: The personification of Winter. Satisfying her is necessary for Winter to end and for Spring to start. Greir gladly takes up the challenge.
Vanka: Female thief. Exceptionally clever, light-fingered and voluptuous. One half of a Battle Couple with a male thief.
Navaan: Female vampire. Captures Ivan in Vanorva with the intent to kill him, but soon finds him useful for... other things. Later escaped Vanorva and set herself up as a "doctor," despite having no idea what that is.
The Dwarves: Three little men with bad teeth, limited fukken vocabularies, and lunatic enthusiasm for creating bizarre and fukken awesome magical items.
Morag the Immortal: A female religious warrior who, true to her name, is immortal. She will fight for any religion, and loses her entire body save for the head doing so.
Thessaly and Tristram: A pair of princes who are the sons of a Caligula king and lament having to satisfy his absurd whims.
The talking fox: A tricky and sometimes helpful fox with a wall-eyed stare and perpetual grin.
Mistertique: A masked super-hero like character who represents the masculine mystique. Enjoys setting women up to want to have sex with him, then leaving before doing the deed.
Blonde girl with the hat: A yet-unnamed character who enjoys teasing others. She appears to be part of Vanka's crew, as she was incarcerated with her and they enjoyed a spirited rapport.
Wish Dolly: A talking doll with the ability to grant wishes. Jackass Genie extraordinaire.
King Blowjob: 'Cursed' to be the best at blowjobs, he now rules over a 'peaceful fellatiocracy'.
The King from Skulls!: A warrior king, prone to shouting and abusing his men to satisfy capricious whims.
All Women Are Lustful: It's that kind of world, but there are a few exceptions: notably, Greir seems to be more focused on other matters and Morag the Immortal only succumbs to this when mesmerized by the Funsnake.
Alt Text: Please note that each strip has not only an ALT text but also a TITLE text, both different. Which one you see when mousing over it is dependent on your browser — Google Chrome, for example, shows the Alt. Text. Only for the first few comics (which possibly didn't have Alt. Text) does the Title Text show up.
Artifact of Attraction: Mistress' magic box that makes you desperately desire whatever's kept in it. She uses it to trick the Apprentice into utterly debasing himself with the Xoan Ambassador in exchange for a pinecone, only for the effect to wear off the moment he takes it out of the box.
The wizard that transformed in "Cornwalling" reappears in a similar position in a more recent comic.
When Ivan refuses to go for the offered antidote and instead threatens to tell everyone that Sandoval poisoned him in "Premature Requiem", Sandoval sees this as romantic and offers him a locket as evidence instead. In "Infffirmary", we see two other patients showing similar symptoms to Ivan's, clutching lockets. Busy night, ambassador?
Ivan's tattletale jizz turned into one on at least two occasions.
On a third occasion, Navaan is disappointed when someone else's fails to do so.
Bungling Inventor: The dwarves. At least in the opinion of everyone else. The dwarves seem to be satisfied with the outcomes.
Buttmonkey: Ivan. His life is a never-ending series of humiliations by Mistress, the Xoan ambassador, and...well, pretty much everyone in the castle.
Call Back: The portrait of the Mistress being painted later shows up in the room of tributes, flying skulls, severed cocks and all.
Cerebus Syndrome: Oglaf has always had re-occurring characters and some gags built on top of previous ones, but as time went by the strips involving Ivan in particular shifted into gradually longer multi-week arcs, which put him in ever more dire situations. Often still funny, but also part of longer and more serious stories. As time went on, even more characters have been thrown into dire-situation plots, including Greir and Navaan.
Characterization Marches On: Greir's thing now appears to be that she hates fun, and doesn't seem to understand the concept. But in her earlier appearances, particularly "Meltwater," she clearly had at least some idea what it was.
This and building ridiculous sex toys is pretty much all the dwarves in the strip do.
Comically Inept Healing: Navaan claims to be a doctor, but her healing methods include such questionable practices as putting an acorn in the stump of an amputated limb and stuffing it with dirt, which she thinks will grow a new limb.
The Comically Serious: Greir. She has a story arc where she tries to overcome her inadequate grasp of the concept of "fun."
Comic Sutra: The list of "the slut's" grotesque and amazing talents includes "combat ejaculation", "self-saucing (7 flavors!)", and "flang."
Culminated in a literal comic sutra, "Ivan and Navaan's 'Doesn't Count' Kama Sutra," which illustrated sexual positions that allowed the participants to remain technical virgins. Published as a bonus to the graphic novel.
The Complainer Is Always Wrong: Played for laughs in "The Golden Songbird"; the gullible brother Thessaly runs off with the Talking Fox to find the Golden Songbird, his Only Sane Man brother Tristram sulks at the ridiculousness of it all. Naturally, Thessaly comes back with the bird, is greeted as a hero and wins his father's favour. Tristram, annoyed at the smug fox, goes out and buys a pack of hounds.
Cuteness Proximity: Servants of the Mistress who fail to do what they're told tend to either die or wish they had. Her response to seeing her infant horror try to rampage, however, is, "Hahaha! Look at it go!"
A Date with Rosie Palms: Ivan the Apprentice, constantly, even though for the longest time he was forbidden even this. He managed to find a way to beat the system though. Oglaf may be the only thing that's not American Pie that managed to turn it into an important recurring plot point.
Deconstructor Fleet: The one-off strips especially tend to mock fantasy cliches, porn cliches, or both, but can even get into mocking abstract concepts like gendered language (or abstract concepts in general).
Played with in the strips dedicated to Ponce de Leon's search for said fountain with his dowdy assistant. They eventually do find a magical fountain, only to realize too late it's actually the Fountain of Girl. Well, at least they were young that way too...
Genius Ditz: Navaan. She is perceptive enough to notice things such as disguised statues and is even able to understand specifically how to deal with a severed immortal's head without lungs despite believing that the function of a doctor is to "solve mysteries."
God Guise: The malevolent god worshipped by the fools' cult is an inversion; a real god disguised as a fake god according to one of its followers. It looks like a bunch of people in a lousy costume when it's actually a very real and very dangerous deity. An immortal warrior found this out the hard way and lost her sword and everything below her neck for her troubles.
Gone Horribly Right: Only for the wizard - he went back in time to cure a plague, but because he'd done so, the reward he'd been offered was never in place to begin with.
The Good King: King Blowjob. He rules over a "peaceful fellatiocracy," throws himself without hesitation on a sexually-frustrated man in the middle of a "cock rampage," and spares no effort to free the man from his condition when he realizes a curse is behind it.
Groin Attack: The Giant Cockbats, though not in the traditional fashion.
If a man attempts traditional sexual intercourse with the Snow Queen, he...suffers.
Hates Everyone Equally: According to his followers, Sithrak, the god who tortures everyone forever after they die, regardless if they're good or evil.
Eating the world's most beautiful women does not make a crocodile the world's most beautiful woman.
Two adventurers get trapped by an owlbear, and the male adventurer who had studied herbivores decides to deal with it in the only rational way - out-breed it, because at least some of their offspring would live. The female adventurer thinks it's agreat idea, only for the owlbear to successfully turn the man off by saying un-sexy words, foiling their plan.
Woman: No wonder it's the apex predator.
The proper payback for a demon bear stealing a man's wife is, of course, to steal the demon bear's wife and force the man to marry it.
Limited Special Collector's Ultimate Edition: There are two editions of "Book One": the regular edition, and a signed edition with a hand-drawn bookplate inside the front cover featuring the character of your choice. The signed edition costs $10 extra and actually is so popular that extra character options have been added over time and often end up sold out.
Literal-Minded: A shapeshifter, trying to palm Greir off with sex in lieu of a reward, asks her what her type is. When she replies "I'm after a hot woman — voluptuous — head is a big bag of freaken' gold!", it obliges. Its attempts to talk dirty suggest it thinks she has a Money Fetish.
A Man Is Not a Virgin: Averted with Ivan, if only because the in-universe definition of 'virgin' is fairly strict. To the residents of Vanorva, who are all virgins, he's "the slut" and consequently the hero of some hilariously improbable fanfiction.
Fish-folk breed by spawning. Why would they need tits?
Mind Control: Probably more examples in the archives, but in Frog 2, a woman is "cursed to be a slut" by a witch. A very forward thinking witch, it seems — when the traditional kiss-to-cure trick is tried by a local maiden, it turns out its a case of Viral Transformation, too.
As of the 8/26/12 update ("Slut Virus"), it seems that things have progressed around the kingdom's populace to the extent of Zombie Apocalypse levels... a very sexy zombie apocalypse...
Used again in "Rite of Passage". Kids are given a rite of passage to adulthood. If you do what you are told, you will be bitten by a venomous bog beast and die in a terribly painful manner. If you refuse, you pass. If you pass, you are offered another "rite of passage" (yes, with another bog beast, and in an equally painful manner as the last). If you pass again, you are given a treasure chest. If you open it, you die because it has a bog beast in it, but at least it'll go for your face first. If you refuse... well, we don't know what happens then, but judging by the pattern, it'll include a bog beast. In summary, "Aah, kids. Fuck 'em."
Nipple and Dimed: Mistress's skimpy costumes usually cover at least two important areas... though sometimes they don't even manage that.
In early strips, her tops were usually very sheer.
Noble Demon: Strangely, Sandoval. He could just rape Ivan or have someone else take his virginity, but respects that Ivan's a virgin and comments that it's a "rare gem in an age of poverty". He also never uses force to get anyone into bed, preferring seduction or occasionally magic to make them willing.
Obviously Evil: Sithrak is towering figure in a burning hellscape, his head a giant black, flaming skull with nails jammed in through the sockets. His religion preaches that he hates everyone equally and will torture everyone equally upon death. And then one of his followers dies, and the god is genuinely shocked by his expectations of eternal torment, and wasn't expecting anyone to be paying attention to his teen poetry. He sends said follower back to spread the word that he's not going to torment anyone, only for him to think Sithrak is trolling all his believers in a tremendous act of sadism.
Operation Jealousy: Spoofed in "Envy." A woman wants to sleep with a guy to make her friends jealous. The guy thinks this isn't a very nice thing to do, and after listening to her Insane Troll Logic justifications, sleeps with "a much nicer woman, disguised as you" in order to make both the woman and her friends jealous.
Orifice Evacuation: Ivan's semen turns into a Cumsprite whenever he ejaculates. After being so cursed, he manages to get fellatio. The predictable happens, but the woman (a virgin vampire) declares it to be adorable.
Later, the phrase "bring out the goddess in me" takes on a whole new meaning.
Orifice Invasion: The alien doctors' cleansssing polyp. (It only goes in the mouth, but it's clearly still unpleasant).
We don't know exactly where the lubeworm goes but it's presumably this trope as well.
Subverted in "Blue Door" and in "Book of Love". Played straight and lampshaded in "Glove". It should be noted that the schmuck in all three examples is the same guy, although he only falls for it the third time. And even then, he was pretty sure it was a trap from the start.
In "Lair of the Trapmaster", the explorers find themselves in an empty room with nothing but the word "Overthinking" painted on the wall. They stay there the rest of the strip wondering what it means. (Subverted? Played straight? Who knows.)
Science Is Bad: Parodied by a now-overheating passerby due to dwarves inventing a cold-proof vibrator for the Snow Queen. "Yeah, spring used to mean something before technology ruined the world."
Brick Joke: Said passerby appears to be Ari, who had previously tried and failed to satisfy the Snow Queen in "Snowbound". Given that he lost his cock to frostbite in the attempt, it's little wonder he'd be bitter about how easy it's become.
Given the tone of the rest of the series, it's only a matter of time before we see this literally happen.
Serial Escalation: In-Universe in this comic, two warriors in a bar make Badass Boasts on how they will defeat a monster while handicapping themselves, each one more outrageous than the last. It gets to the point that the monster arrives to terrorize the bar and finds everyone inside dead from cutting themselves and everyone there apart to fulfill their bravado.
Likewise, a forest nymph seems particularly inclined toward seducing and assuming the shape of wayward princes, which backfires when it turns out one of the victims wasn't entirely honest on an important point.
Another shapeshifter happens to be successful — despite his Brutal Honesty.
The Alt Text to the strip where a woman tells a man he's safe from arrest if he's inside her "embassy" says "I had that Cult song stuck in my head the whole time." That song presumably being "She Sells Sanctuary".
Single Tear: A guard, enduring Vanka and another woman (who is now a recurring character) in a cell crudely mocking him.
"This is an enormous slur on my professional conduct."
Speed Sex: Thanks to the Wish Dolly, one man was capable of making anyone and everything cum instantly (read: people, walls, puppets, his own arm) in "Vorpal Blade" and "Habeas Corpus".
Stealth Hi/Bye: Vanka escapes from her cell after flirting with the guard outside her door. She stole the keys from him in a similarly sneaky manner.
Story Arc: Even though this is a gag-a-week webcomic with vague storylines, we now have several arcs, sometimes broken up by other gag strips.
Strange Minds Think Alike: "Owlbear". Upon being cornered by the eponymous predator, a man decides to out-breed it so their offspring will survive. His female companion thinks this is a brilliant idea. The owlbear anticipates this exact plan and starts saying moodkillers so they can't procreate.
Sword Master: Hey! What do you think you're doing? I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP, BOY!
(Beat Panel as he pulls out a picture of his apprentice)
Sword Master: Just give me a month.
Technical Virgin: The in-universe definition of "virgin" tends to be pretty strict:
An entire city of them!
Ivan himself is identified as a virgin, but he by his own admittance is constantly having sexual things done to him, just nothing that breaks the technical status of his virginity. The castle doctors express concern his lack of sexual experience might end up killing him.
Temporal Paradox: In "Chronotherapy", a healer goes back in time to heal a plague before it ravages a kingdom, then returns to the present to claim his reward from the rulers. Exceeeeept, since there was no plague in the first place, the queen has no idea what she's supposed to be rewarding him for.
The blonde with the hat (who as of yet still remains unnamed) takes this Up to Eleven. Her first appearance involved her mocking a prison guard through a (clothed) sexual display with Vanka. Subsequent appearances have her teasing male lovers with outrageous demands and unorthodox fetishes, such as requiring them to state a ''preamble'' before engaging in coitus.
After Kronar leaves a man alive to tell the story, the man later calls Kronar a wuss for doing so. When Kronar hears and decides to kill him and his friends, leaving only one alive, they still can't resist teasing him about it. So he kills them all. And torches the tavern they're in. And stabs a few nearby trees.
Too Kinky to Torture: Ivan — at least, Navaan seems to think so. You have to wonder how her other victims reacted to the threat of sexual intercourse with a hot woman...
Considering that the entire city is populated with virgins who are terrified at even the possibility that someone sexually promiscuous might be running about, Navaan probably expected such threats to elicit a somewhat more fearful reaction.
Mistertique: See? You cannot plumb the depths for sheer enigma! Cougar Queen: It's not an enigma if there's nothing behind it. This is just wilful abstruseness. Mistertique:[beat] There's no shame in admitting you don't get it. Seriously.
Turn Undead: Though not the kind of "turning" you were thinking.
Twincest: The first sign that the "Felicia" hallucination is beginning to break down is when Ivan sees that his hot wife has given birth to two fully-grown twins who are making out with each other.
The very next strip, "Tibia", has two skeletons in a graveyard watching a couple have sex, only for the skeleton being offered some post-death sex by his fellow skeleton to turn out to be a guy. "Shit, really? You got wide hips for a guy."
The Unsmile: Anyone affected by the Funsnake's aura gets a wide-eyed, demented grin.
What do you mean you don't get the joke in "Salome?" How did you not know that the biblical Salome's dance convinced Herod to behead John the Baptist, and that in Oscar Wilde's adaptation of the story she kisses his decapitated head?
Not to mention Scherazade's occasional appearance.
And of course there's the 'Golden Hind' Bordello.
Virgin Sacrifice: Navaan has been sending virgins "out" of Vanorva to be eaten by her fellow vampires. It's not clear whether the victims have to be virgins or if virgins are just the easiest prey.