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"But wasn't it her fault as well as the man's?"
"Nothing is ever a lady's fault, you'll learn that," Lord Trimingham told me.
This remark, confirming something I already felt, made an immense impression on me.
— L.P. Hartley, The Go-Between
A special kind of Double Standard that completely screws around with a show's internal logic. A male character is portrayed performing an act that seems evil and unfair in a relationship, like say, looking at another woman. Meanwhile, a female character can perpetuate the exact same actions but not receive any sort of penalty or negative dividends for it.
This trope most commonly appears in long-running series — shorter works rarely deal with the characters long enough for the disconnect to be very obvious. This trope is also highly abstract in execution — expect the target of the discontent to either be a Guy Or Girl of The Week.
For a look at affairs in general, see Good Adultery Bad Adultery. Interestingly, the more involved named characters a work has in any given adultery plot, the closer the Sympathetic Adulterer ratio between men and women reaches 1:1. Im A Man I Cant Help It overrides this trope, but only with sympathetic male characters. The Inverted Trope of My Girl Is Not A Slut, for the post-Women's Lib era. Overlaps with Closer To Earth.
Examples
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- In Ranma 1/2, Akane, Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kodachi are incredibly quick to administer violent "justice" upon Ranma whenever he shows even the slightest sign that they understand as interest in another girl (Akane more than any other, since she's the main lead and thus appears in almost all stories, but the rest of the Fiancée Brigade are just as bad, if not worse, if they're in range.) But past the manga's turning point, when Ranma sincerely believed that Akane loved the newcomer Shinnosuke, he took his grievances with the new guy and was incredibly polite and submissive towards Akane, only screaming his frustration when he was alone in the forest. Akane never bothered explaining why she was helping Shinnosuke, either, but then, no one ever lets Ranma explain his unfortunate accidents.
- In another Rumiko Takahashi work, Maison Ikkoku, Kyoko's reluctance to choose between perpetual ronin Godai and suave, well-off tennis instructor Mitaka drives a large amount of the plot, and it becomes Godai and Mitaka's responsibility to win her over. However, this doesn't stop Kyoko from criticizing Godai over his own inability to tell the truth to his not-quite-girlfriend Kozue, and formalize a relationship with Kyoko herself. The manga agrees with her point of view.
- I suppose Rumiko Takahashi is the queen of this trope because she used it frequently in Inuyasha as well. When the title character showed any sort of interest in his old flame Kikyo, not only would he later be subjected to physical punishment by a jealous Kagome he'd also get chastised by his companions for making Kagome feel bad. Yet, somehow when he shows jealously over Miroku (before meeting Sango) and Koga flirting with Kagome, not only does he still get physically punished by Kagome he still gets criticized by the others for acting stupid.
- One non-Rumiko Takahashi example may be Love Hina, especially at the very beginning of the story, with the girls trying their best to drive Keitaro away from the Hinata Inn. However, he still has a hard time winning them over (except for Shinobu and, arguably, Kaolla); Naru, for example, kicked him once when she dropped into his room and found Kaolla lying over him - in fact, he was trying to stop her from messing his room, but she kept on running up and down.
- Another example is when Naru frequently beats Keitaro up when he enters her room as she is changing her clothes. Once, however, she had dropped in while he was changing clothes. Still, she beat him up.
- Similar to the above example, in Seitokai No Ichizon main character Ken frequently refers to the girls they're his harem, that they'll end falling for him and fantasizes with them. Naturally, they punish him for that. So far it's normal, perhaps a bit more focused on this than your average Unwanted Harem series but not too bad. However, one episode has Mafuyu reveal herself as a Yaoi Fangirl who writes Slash of Ken and a fictional brother of him. Naturally Ken complains, and not only he gets punished for that, Mafuyu's sister Minatsu makes him write slash of himself with said brother. When two minutes later he writes a story where they're his harem, he still gets treated as a pervert, and nobody even points out it's the same thing Mafuyu does.
- In fact, this happens way too often on Unwanted Harem series, where the guy will get treated as a pervert even when he's completely innocent (Or simply get mistreated for anything period), but girls doing the same thing or worse results in... nothing at best, the guy being punished anyway at worst. Is this supposed to be compensation for the Fan Service of the girls these series have?
Film
- One growing variation of this trope, appearing in recent films such as Waitress and Before the Rains, is a woman with an abusive husband having an affair with a man whose wife is the nicest person ever. Before the Rains has the man taking advantage of the woman, who is trapped by her society. Waitress treats the man slightly more sympathetically, but has the woman end the affair due to an attack of conscience after she meets his wife, and also after she leaves her husband.
- Two subversions, one for each type. In It Could Happen to You, the husband has an affair after his wife turns materialistic after they both win the lottery, and he is considered to be sympathetic. In Along Came Polly, the wife has an affair on their honeymoon with the hunky, nudist scuba instructor and is considered to be completely heartless, and when she runs back to her husband he won't take her back.
Live Action TV
- In Saved By The Bell, two occasionally-reused plots throughout the high school and college years were (a) "Zack pays a little too much attention to another girl and Kelly gets mad," and (b) "Kelly sees another guy and drops Zack like a hot potato." In cases of A, Zack having to figure out how to make it up to Kelly (or realizing he needed to) would be the focus of the plot. However, in cases of B, Zack would still be made the villain, for standing in the way of Kelly's happiness for his own selfish needs. Apparently, Negative Continuity is in play and you're not supposed to notice this pattern, but it's hard not to. The Grand Finale of the original students' saga is Zack and Kelly's wedding. What led Zack to pop the question? Kelly was drooling over another guy again and there was an upcoming trip. Zack wasn't going on it, but Kelly and the other guy were, and Zack was rightfully concerned about what would happen. Had Zack been female and Kelly been male... well, when the plot happens that way, the woman in Zack's shoes finally deciding that the possessive or unfaithful (the relationship never lasts long enough for him to become both of these) man in Kelly's shoes isn't worth bothering with and she deserves better is invariably the episode's happy ending.
- Used regularly on Friends. Every time Ross was in a relationship, Rachel would become jealous, distressed, and often seek to make everyone around her miserable until he was inevitably single again; while this behaviour wasn't necessarily condoned, she was often given a great deal of sympathy from her other friends over it. Meanwhile, if Ross ever displayed the slightest bit of jealousy over any of Rachel's relationships, it was met with utter exasperation and being told the relationship was over and he needed to move on.
- Though one episode finally seemed to put this in some perspective with Rachel latching on to a complete stranger on a plane and telling him her entire sob story, only for him to eventually get fed up and tell her how immature and petty she was being (especially in going to ruin Ross and Emily's wedding - calling her a horrible, horrible, person), and "By the way, it seems perfectly clear to me that You WERE on a break!"
- What made that moment even more glorious was the fact that the stranger was played by none other than House himself, Hugh Laurie.
- Used far too often in Scrubs. Elliot sleeps with JD then immediately dumps him the day after because her old boyfriend came back; JD's jealousy is depicted as petty and he's advised to "be a good friend". Later, JD convinces Elliot to leave her boyfriend but realises that he doesn't love her. After struggling over his dilemma, he admits this to her; she physically assaults him and carries a grudge for the entire next season.
- Elliot is engaged to marry Keith. The day before the wedding, she realises that she doesn't love him (wow, small world) and dumps him. The day afterwards, she changes her mind and gets back together with him, sleeping with him twice. Then she decides that she's repeating a bad pattern and dumps him again. Keith is understandably furious and carries a grudge for the next season; meanwhile, Elliot can't understand what the big deal is and bemoans Keith's "lack of professionalism". (Speaking of professionalism, the reason they got together in the first place was because Elliot wanted a sex buddy and chose Keith, her subordinate.)
- JD accidentally gets Kim pregnant on their fourth date, but they decide to raise the baby and work together to make their relationship work. Kim suddenly takes a lucrative job offer a few states over (naturally, JD doesn't want her to go but "learns" that the correct reaction is to support her decision unconditionally) and a few months later, informs JD that she has miscarried. Turns out, that was a lie to get out of their relationship. JD is furious but decides that he will get back together with Kim for the sake of his child, even if it means trapping himself in a loveless relationship for the rest of his life. When Kim is in labour she demands to know what he thinks of her; he admits that he doesn't love her and she is furious, dumping him immediately afterwards.
- Intentionally invoked in The Belgariad, as the main characters engage in a long running exchange of witty banter over the "fairness" of which gender gets to do which things, complete with an informal scoring system for particularly telling jibes.
- Can't remember the name of the book, but it's a Slice Of Life novel about a yuppie Latina in San Francisco. One of the subplots is her affair with an older married gentleman. No judgment is ever made on her about this, it's just presented as is. The only problem is that 3/4 through the book, she runs into her best friend's fiance on a date with another man and all hell breaks loose. She tells him off, and agonizes over how and if she should tell her friend, but what about the wife of her own paramour? Not once is this hypocrisy ever noted.
- Even men buy into this. At the end of R. Kelly's video for "When a Woman's Fed Up," a caption reads, "There is no such thing as a no-good woman, only women made that way by a no-good man."
Newspaper Comics
- Between Friends is the queen of this trope. The only major male character that hasn't been one the teenaged kids, a hunky waiter, or Viggo Mortensen (don't ask — please), has been an abusive husband featured in a recent story arc which had the added benefit of sending the comic spiralling into Cerebus Syndrome territory. Lovely.
- In Dreamgirls, Lorrell has an affair with Jimmy Early, who's married. Throughout the entire play/movie, he is made out to be a total sleaze for treating her badly and sleeping with two (possibly more) women at the same time. However, Lorrell is shown in a strictly sympathetic light, despite the fact that she's knowingly and willfully engaging in a long-term affair with a married man.
- Partially subverted in An Inspector Calls. While everyone agrees that Gerald's (including Gerlad himself) affair with Eva Smith was wrong and Sheila gives him her engagement ring back, she does admit that he did at least try to help the girl and that it was partially her fault. Eva wouldn't have been in need of Gerald's help had Sheila not had her sacked in the first place. It's also implied (particularly in the film version) that she will consider (or at least, was going to consider) taking him back.
Western Animation
- The Proud Family: Oscar showing the slightest interest in another woman (even so far as being tongue-tied around Mariah Carey)is perfectly justified grounds for his wife to abuse him (sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, sometimes taking his things, sometimes depriving him of things ranging from dinner to entrance into his own house), but said wife is allowed to run off with any handsome man she sees and expects Oscar to go along with it without question (to the point of when, in one of the few occasions he was able to get out an objection, she threw him across the room and basically said she was going to cheat on him with this random guy).
- Very simply and frequently played in Heathcliff And The Catillac Cats, usually in shorts involving Riff Raff and Cleo. If Riff Raff was cheating on Cleo, Cleo would beat the sauce out of him until he saw the error of his ways. If Cleo were cheating on Riff Raff, Riff Raff would beat up 'the other man' to win her back.
- A frequently over-looked fact of Homer and Marge Simpson's marriage is that Homer is incredibly faithful- to the point where he breaks down into tears when he thinks the universe is forcing him to commit adultery- and Marge gets incredibly possessive and jealous at the drop of a hat. Sadly, this aspect has been lost in Homer's gradual Flanderization into the world's most unbearable husband.
- They've both had temptations, neither has ever strayed that I know of, both have been jealous and both have been non-jealous depending on the episode. Where do you see her as incredibly possessive? However, as Homer is the one written as the bumbling unattractive buffoon to her somewhat more attractive/competent status, he's more likely to be shown insecurely wondering if she deserves better when there's an issue of straying eyes, whereas she's more likely to simply speak up.
- I can think of at least one jealous and possessive moment off the top of my head. When Homer's old singing contract, Lurlene Lumpkin, came back after her career had tanked, Marge is initially incredibly possessive and paranoid like she was when Lurlene was around the first time. While the first time may have been a bit warrented, Lurlene's self written song lyrics had romantic subtext Anvilicious enough to make swords on and I say a bit because it seemed to be very one sided, the second time was straight out jealous paranoia. Marge does end up getting over it in onder to help Lurlene with her problems, but as the episode ends with them hugging, she whispers serious threats if she ever sees her near Homer again.
Real Life
- Many American day-time talk shows, especially of the tabloid variety, really abuse this idea, with perhaps the most notable example being Maury Povich's program. Therein, men who fail lie-detector tests and turn out to have cheated on their wives with dozens of women are depicted as selfish, devious, ruthless, lying, controlling, deceptive bastards. However, women who bring several men to the show for paternity tests to determine their babydaddy are never criticized for their promiscuity, while the men are thoroughly vilified for their share in it.
- "This is the seventh time you've been on our show." "I know this one's the father, Maury! I'm a million percent sho'!" "You are NOT the father!"
- To the extreme on the Telemundo show Laura En America, where the security personnel will hold the man back as his angry significant other is allowed to beat the crap out of him.
- Largely averted in the British equivalent, The Jeremy Kyle Show (Jeremy, of course, being male). All cheats are depicted as the bad guys of the show unless they're genuinely apologetic.
- Several years back on Oprah Winfrey's talk show, a researcher was getting disbelieving catcalls from the (normally very well-behaved) audience when she pointed out that there had to be just about as many women as men cheating in relationships. She asked if they believed there was a pool of a few dozen women all the cheating men shared? She also explicitly described the "When he cheats it's his fault, when she cheats, it's his fault" Double Standard.
- Prince Charles and Lady Diana. Both were apparently unfaithful; Diana had multiple acknowledged lovers, all of whom were ignored after her divorce (Except for the one who was almost believed to be Harry's real father, Captain James Hewitt); Charles had one, Camilla Parker Bowles, to whom he is now married, and they were together even from long before Diana came into the picture. Of course, Charles is an evil insensitive scumbag who drove poor sad and saintly Diana to it. Camilla, meanwhile...
- Part of the reason Charles is labeled as the worse one is that he was in love with Camilla Parker Bowles before he married Diana and should have never married Diana in the first place with those feelings. But, being the Prince, his family insisted he marry someone else, rather than get Bowles to divorce her husband and marry him (if she would have anyway at that point).
- Charles would never have been allowed to marry Camilla in those days- it was still part of royal tradition that the wife of the heir to the throne had to be a virgin. Obviously Camilla, being a bit of a goer, wasn't. Therefore he had to marry sweet and pure Diana instead.
- Her being dead also.
- This article
 claims that women watching male strippers are just having fun, while men watching female strippers have "darker reasons". The quality of the research is heavily debated in the 700+ comments; in particular, the fact that she doesn't appear to have actually asked any men what they think about all of this, having focussed entirely on interviewing the women, has not gone unnoticed.
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