Simba trying to reassure Mufasa that he's not sneaking off anywhere he's not supposed to.
Simba cracking jokes about Scar's pile of skulls and bones.
The narration's introduction of the hyenas: "The trouble was, they always managed to fail at whatever Scar would ask them to do. They couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat. Hyenas were the most appalling servants you could ever hope to have. The only reason Scar even bothered to use them was because they tended to look up to him as some kind of leader. They were lost causes. They were worthless, pointless creatures, who never had any food and were always too busy cracking utterly awful jokes that had the power to make an actual comedian cry blood. And a lot of it, too."
The hyenas arguing over a stick in the same scene.
Simba piling up the skulls, counting them. "Brain...brain...brain..."
Nala's remark on the whole affair: "Either someone's burying lion skulls around here, or your Uncle Scar has a horrible taste in style."
The hyenas bickering over the various plans to break up the cubs.
Simba exaggerating the nature of the hyenas' appearance when telling the story to Nala.
From Magic Mystery Show:
Simba and Nala's morning conversation, including Simba's comment, "It wasn't my fault we got so dirty yesterday. Mud pools are fun."
When the cubs come upon a large hill, Simba comes up with a clever idea...
Nala's line about her distant cousin Primo: "She is neither dead, nor technically speaking, a girl. Besides, she stopped talking to me after the Sticky Web Incident. She hasn't been talking to anyone much, actually."
Simba and Nala attempting to raise the Devil.
When Nala asks why she has to do the chanting, Simba responds, "I can't do it, it needs to be the voice of a pretty girl." When she asks, he attempts to brush it off, yet again covering up the truth.
Nala: Have you got the oranges?
Simba: No, it's just the way my tail pokes out.
Simba and Nala speculating on using backwards names as aliases: Abmis and Alan. Naturally, Nala strongly objects to hers.
Simba and Nala accusing each other of being in cahoots with Mufasa, culminating with them fighting on the ground before Zazu reveals himself to be alive, having gotten his revenge by pretending to be dead.
From Number One Fan:
The opening chapter, which shows the cubs complaining about having been grounded after the incident with Zazu.
Zazu teasing the cubs, along with Simba's angered reaction. "Simba steadied himself, deciding not to pluck a few feathers from Zazu's body.
Mtumwa's scenes, just because he's so hilarious!
Nala: Where are you going?
Simba: Somewhere that's actually exciting.
Nala: What happened to not getting in trouble?
Simba: Too boring.
Nala: I knew you'd say that sooner or later.
Simba (grinning): Well, I knew that you'd say that you knew that I would say that.
Simba calling himself a big hero, Nala responding that he's "a little on the tiny side," and him breathing deeply to make himself bigger before falling onto his back.
Nala pulling Simba out of a thornbush.
From King's Ransom:
As evil as Scar and Hago are, some of their exchanges would count:
Scar: Oh, really? Why would you be looking for me?
Hago: Because Scar, I know you. You're a power-hungry maniac with anger problems who wants control of the Pride Lands.
Scar:Anger problems? I have no anger problems!
Who can forget this golden moment?
Hago: Well… I was thinking we should put the Prince in the middle of the gorge nearby, and then tell him his father has a surprise for him, and to wait there. Then, your hyenas can cause a stampede of wildebeest that will be herded right into the gorge, thereby putting the Prince in quite some jeopardy. Then you can alert King Mufasa, send him into the gorge also, and kill them both in the stampede!
Scar: That has to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard! Like that would ever work!
Hago: "Ooh, I'm so evil! I just gave myself chills! Even my goose bumps have goose bumps! I'm a bad boy!"
From Your Worst Nightmare:
Simba continuing to fall asleep, even though he claims he isn't tired. At one point, he even drops mid-sentence!
Bora's reaction to Hago's great enemies being a pair of cubs.
Bora reflecting on his and Hago's deceased family: "I'm glad I helped you. We were the only normal ones in that family. Who ever heard of being 'kind-hearted' and 'polite'? That's not the way the world works. The world is run by power-mad people who want to control all that they can! And I will control all that I can!"
When Hago and Bora go invisible, it causes a few...complications. "That's my tail you're stepping on!"
Bora fantasizing about living in a dream world forever, before Hago reminds him that he would die of starvation in a few days.
Hago: How could I possibly forget you? You're the one who came up with this genius scheme! Any time you need something form my kingdom, you can have it. You still want a girlfriend, you can have her!
Bora: Girlfriend? Why would I want a girlfriend?
Hago: Well, you were in love with that girl Kuponda, weren't you?
Bora: Hago, I haven't been in love with Kuponda since I was three months old.
Hago: Oh… Really? I have to keep up with what's going on in your life more often.
From Miss the Girl:
The scene with Zazu telling Simba and Nala that they're betrothed, since it's basically the same as the scene in the film.
Moto's cocky attitude and ridiculously over-the-top "hero" stories.
Moto commenting that Simba's been living under a rock, Simba mutters that it's "a rock worth living under."
Simba's other sarcastic comments towards Moto would count as well.
From Zazu's in Charge:
When Simba complains about Nala always pinning him, she playfully pinches his cheek and coos, "Is little Simba jealous?"
Simba: "What are you doing here? No, wait, let me guess, you need to babysit us. Again."
The subsequent exchange about "Mufasa" ordering Zazu to herd the elephants around...
Zazu has his own snarky comments, of course: "This is getting tiresome. I'd love to stay and chat, discussing how the names of all my family members are ridiculous and all, but I'm afraid your parents have requested that you are present when they leave."
Banzai's newfound affinity for eating bugs would count.
Scar: "Do you honestly expect me to live off of putrid insects and water that other creatures bathe in?"
This line as well: "If you're sneaky about it then I'm sure you won't be caught. Surely you can do it. You hyenas must be good at something other than laughing like idiots. Wait, you are idiots. How absurd of me to pretend you weren't."
Bora asking Hago if he's having a mid-life crisis, adding, "I had one once. I couldn't stop crying for days."
Mufasa explaining that [[Main/Foreshadowing King Hapana]] is his cousin once removed, and Simba asking, "Why, what did he do?"
Zazu launching into a long story, giving Simba and Nala the chance to escape.
Simba joking that he and Nala will stop Hago and Bora after they kill Zazu.
When Bora beholds Scar and refers to him as a psycho, Hago responds, "I'd prefer you didn't discuss our private conversations in front of the aforementioned 'psycho'."
Zazu being cowardly enough to attempt to leave Simba and Nala behind.
Hago scaring off the hyenas.
From You're Fired:
The running gag of Banzai enjoying the grubs and worms.
Nala asking Simba if he didn't get scared because he's the bravest and most heroic cub in the world, and Simba phrasing his answer the same way before stopping himself.
Simba and Zazu's interaction, including Simba lying that his secret is that he loves watching flowers swaying in the wind.
Simba catches Zazu "talking" to his deceased father, and Simba deepening his voice before commanding Zazu to slam his head into a tree trunk.
From Hago's Little Puppet:
The opening scene with Hago and Bora.
The waterfall scene. Simba admits that going to the river was a bad idea, and Nala screams, "Oh, now you say it! Mister Don't-Worry-It'll-Be-Really-Fun!"
Simba comically missing obvious things such as why Hago might want to hypnotize Mufasa...
Sarabi breaking Mufasa out of the trance by slapping him.
From Army of Evil:
Sarabi teasing Simba.
Nala using Simba's famous "Danger? Ha! I laugh in the face of danger!" line, only for Simba to complain.
Made even funnier when you remember that, towards the end of the movie, she does use that line
Hago pondering the irrationality of being "tired of resting."
Shenzi calling Hago "Cuckoo Magic Dude."
Hago saying he wants Scar, and Scar misinterpreting the meaning of Hago's statement.
From Life Hurts:
Zazu teasing Simba and Nala, only for Simba to jokingly retort that he'll fire Zazu.
Simba and Nala making the mistake of referring to "stupid hyenas," only to find Banzai taking offense to the remark, and Shenzi trying to keep him calm. They then engage in a slobbery kiss that disgusts Nala.
Simba: Is this like that question about where babies come from? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that Zazu delivers them.
Nala: You can be so silly sometimes!
The scene where Simba closed his eyes and rolled down the hill the wrong way, leading to the cubs hanging onto a cliff.
From Switching Places:
Tama and Tojo's introductory scene. This bit in particular stands out:
Tama: Silence! You're upsetting my magical balance with the Mystic Elementals of the Earth.
Tojo: Do you even know what that means?
This scene is also something:
Tojo: I never did ask you before: what happened to your parents? You never seem to mention anything else about them, other than that they didn't train you in magic very well.
Tama: Oh, they threw me out a long while ago.
Tojo: Got tired of you after a while, did they? I wouldn't be surprised.
The scene where Simba and Nala discover that they're in each other's bodies.
Simba: I've only just noticed how wonderful it feels to be you. It's so light. I feel so bouncy! This is great!
Nala: Welcome to the world of girls, Simba.
The scene where Simba and Nala try to fool Sarafina, as well as her teasing comments.
Simba: That smile. I've always loved that smile. Looks even better on me.
Another great Tama and Tojo scene:
Tojo: Fair? I'm beginning to wish that I was dead now. You seem to get eviller every day!
Tama: Why, thank you. I do try to improve my image.
Tojo: And this image is what exactly?
Tama: My image of an evil temptress who all males feel compelled to bow before.
Tojo: Can't say it's working.
Tama: No one needs to know they're evil. I'll just say they're an accident given to me. Like a birth defect.
Tojo: I can think of a few other birth defects.
(Tama slaps the back of his head)
Another Simba/Nala scene:
Simba: Well, if I'm getting this fuzzy feeling that you normally have, does that mean that I'm falling in love with myself?
Nala: Simba, you've been in love with yourself ever since I first met you.
Plenty of moments in Mtumwa Strikes Back:
Simba being paranoid about something waiting to happen to them.
Nala commenting that the weather is really hot, prompting Simba to smile, "Not as hot as—" (Nala cuts him off)
Simba: "Is that the best you can come up with? What happened to Simba the strong, brave hero everyone knows and loves? Now all I get is a 'cuddly wuddly'. Figures."
Tojo tricking Tama into pulling him into the water, thereby cooling him off.
Tojo's sarcastic asides.
Simba trying to prove to Nala that he can fly.
Tama talking about how beautiful she is, and Tojo making fun of her.
Tojo trying to eat himself is simply hilarious.
Plenty of moments in Two Cubs and a Baby:
When Nala wakes up Simba, he responds, "You can stop prodding and start cuddling."
When Tama frees Tojo from slavery, his reaction is thus: "It's just that this is… a little crazy. Actually, it's more than that – it's insane. Did you wake up one morning to find yourself with someone else's brain? Someone who actually had a little bit of sympathy for me? Or are you ill? Do you have a temperature?"
Tojo's sarcastic response to the prospect of becoming a jester.
Simba tickling Nala on her stomach, followed by Nala throwing Simba into the water hole.
Nala's reaction upon beholding the baby.
Nala: "But, of course, there is just one tiny, little, itsy-bitsy thing I have to ask you...Where the heck did you get a baby from?"
Simba and Nala trying to name the baby, since all of the names are the names of sub-canon characters.
The cubs arguing over who has to do what for the baby's sake.
Nala: "Are you serious? We can't feed him leaves!"
Simba knocking over Tojo while running to save the baby.
Tama commenting that her father moved in mysterious circles, only to elaborate that he had one leg shorter than the other.
Nala banning Simba from tickling anyone.
Simba: "Why do I get the feeling that the whole 'my Mom and Dad have been kidnapped' thing was a lie?"
Tojo fainting when Tama whispers into his ear where babies come from.
In Night Terrors, Tama decides to look for a magical genie because she heard the waterhole cubs talking about it.
Tojo's response nails it. Tama's dragged me all the way out here just to hunt for a genie that doesn't even exist? Come on, I have better things to do with my life than follow her around all the time! Wait… I don't, actually. Yeah, but you get the point.
Tama and Tojo's interaction throughout the story.
Nala suggests staying out in the dark, and Simba reminds her that he's scared of the dark. "Hello! Earth to Nala! Have you forgotten that or something?"
Simba worrying all of his body parts are going to fall off.
Tama repeatedly saying, [[Disney/Aladdin "You'd be surprised what you can live through."]]
Tama threatening to give Tojo a fate worse than a fate worse than death.
Tama: "What can I say? I'm a bad girl."
Nala and Tama doubting their boyfriends when they are told about the night's events.
The opening exchange in Sick Simba:
Simba: Okay! I'm ready for adventure! How are the bad guys going to try and kill us today?
Nala: You have a very positive way of thinking about things, Simba. Do you always think we're gonna get killed every time we go outside?
Simba: No. Sometimes I think that just one of us is gonna get killed.
Nala: Ha, ha, very funny. So… what life-threatening location are we gonna be visiting today? The Lava Pits of Death or the River of Eternal Doom? I think it's your turn to choose today.
Simba: Hmm… so many options.
(The two cubs laugh.)
The point where Simba decides that Nala "is so getting tickled when I win this race."
Tojo gripping Tama in a super-tight hug, combined with her response, "I'm not… very comfortable… with this… cutesy moment!"
The end, where Tojo asks Tama why she saved Simba from certain death, and she merely glares at him before snarling, "Don't."
The opening scene in The Royal Reaper where Simba complains about how being married to Nala combined with the leftover effects of the Kulaani illness is making him feel old.
Nala's funny story about a monster eating a squealing Zazu, which has both cubs bursting with laughter.
Nala: Half the time I didn't even know what I was saying! It all sounded so stupid!
Simba: That's what's so funny about it!
Simba taking a full twenty minutes just to get out of the den.
Several moments in All Alone:
The first scene with Simba and Nala, including Nala counting oranges to try and sleep.
Nala falling asleep next to Simba and muttering, "Goodnight Mommy."
Tojo worrying that Tama will hit him because of the kiss at the end of the last story.
Tojo's bizarre theories as to why everyone disappeared.
Tama asking if the disappearance is weirder than [[Disney/Dumbo a flying elephant with a magic feather]].
Tama and Tojo screaming when Simba approaches them.
Tama: "Simba, you're absolutely right. We've done nothing to you. It's just that… you scared us! Yeah, that's right! You just… took us by surprise, that's all! That's what we do when we're scared. We babble. A lot. In fact, I'm babbling right now! Just look at me! Babble, babble, babble, that's all I do!"
Tama and Tojo talking and dawdling, only for an impatient Simba to shout back, "You guys coming or not? You're going so slow I can't tell if you're walking!"
Tama giggling at the thought of Tojo being hit with a branch, only to have it happen to her moments later.
Tama being scared of everything is a hilarious change from her normal self.
Nala saying she's "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" before sticking out her tongue and going cross-eyed.
Simba and Tojo attempting to help their girls recover their memories.
Simba: "This memory loss thing is too tricky for me to figure out. Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky. It's tricky!"
In Goodbye, Nala, Tama watches Tojo as he dreams, uttering the following line: "Wow...I never knew mermaids could be so beautiful. Of course I'll help you with your problem. I'm very good at collecting seashells to fight sharks..."
Simba expressing his boredom: "Can you hear that? Nothing. That's the sound of nothing happening. It's so boring! Where's the hungry monsters that want to devour us? They're always around at the worst possible time, but when you want them they never show up! What's the deal?"
Plenty of moments in Hypnotic Glint:
This piece of text: "She knew he couldn't last a day without her. It wouldn't be long before he came stumbling back into the den with his tail between his legs."
Sarafina suggesting Nala should try and control Simba.
Simba complaining about the jungle as he tries to navigate his way through it.
Seeing Simba as a deliciously evil villain would simply have to qualify.
His Gollum-like devotion to "The Shiny Thing" would also count.
"Pretty, pretty, shiny, shiny..."
Sarabi: "There is an army of cubs marching towards us, with spirals in their eyes and very entranced looks on their faces, all being led by Simba. [[Sigh.]] Just another ordinary day, really, isn't it?"
Haiba being grabbed by the lionesses: "Hey! Normally, I would consider being touched by a cute lioness a good thing, but the circumstances are different this time!"
As he's thrown into the den: "Hey, watch the fur! And to think I was having a good day, too!"
Haiba: "Am I dreaming? I hope I am, because this has to be one of the most stupidest things I've ever witnessed! Next to that incident with the elephant and the pig, but I won't go into details right now."
Haiba talking to himself while desperately trying to think of a plan, including hitting himself on the head with a rock.
At the end of the story, Simba is now the only one hypnotized, with Nala and Haiba having him cater to their every whim.
From The Royal Challenge:
Simba's little fit once he snaps out of the hypnotism.
Zazu trying to explain how brave he is, only for Simba to dismiss every single answer.
Simba talking about his big belly, and Haiba commenting that he would love to go out with a chubby cub.
Simba to Haiba: "You think we're not going to investigate a mysterious new cub? What kind of heroes do you take us for?"
Nala using her sheer strength to block Simba from running up to Hila and attacking him.
Sarabi fainting throughout the story.
Zazu's punishment for not abolishing the Royal Challenge law is being tickled by monkeys.
Hila's reasons for marrying Nala: "I'm going to betroth us, so we'll have to be together. You're hot, I'm hot. What the heck? We can have a good make-out session once in a while."
Haiba asking who the person at the top of the tree will be, only for everyone to stare at him. He simply asks, "Why are you all looking at me?"
Haiba's smiling quip to Hila: "Does that reward involve you moving your butt out of here? 'Cause that'd be great!"
Simba vowing to kill Zazu for forgetting to get rid of the law.
Nala snarls that she will never marry Hila, and he smiles that he will kill her if she doesn't, and that it is Pride Lands law. Her comeback is, "Yeah – your version of it."
After Tama restores Nala's life energy, she begins running around in circles and asks why everyone is so slow.
Haiba learning about Hago in The Return of Hago, surprisingly enough.
Sarafina giving the cubs a scare before embarrassing Simba and Nala. After she leaves, Nala's face is so red that Haiba laughs, "Your head looks like it's going to explode. Cool!"
Simba on what would happen if his head exploded: "Otherwise I'll just die a horrible, painful death and then you'll be upset and Mom and Dad will spend the rest of their lives crying and Haiba will say, 'I think that looks kind of hot,' and then—" Nala gives him a big kiss, making him fall asleep.
Haiba complaining about the long walk to find Nala.
The entire opening chapter in The Prince and the Frog, where Nala and Haiba complain as Simba leads them through the desert towards the oasis.
Haiba: Now just where the heck is this 'totally awesome' place you keep talking about? 'Cause right now, all I see is dirt and a lot of bones. Plus the occasional hole in the ground. Other than that, it looks like the inside of a stupid person's mind.
Nala: And how would you know that? How can you see inside other people's minds?
Haiba: I met a girl once. Psychic powers. Surprisingly creative. But then she was able to know everything I was going to say to her. I realised that life would have gotten pretty boring that way, so I had her killed.
Haiba: I'm kidding. Relax, guys. I just dumped her. To be honest, I wasn't that attractive to her, either.
This part as well:
Simba: If it isn't real, then you're free to break all of my legs. Deal?
Nala: Well, I wouldn't go that far—
Haiba (grinning): Deal!
Haiba's random comment about bananas.
When Simba and Haiba discuss the events of the previous story, Nala asks, "You guys talking about me? Or are there other things safer and warmer than an adorable girl like me?"
When Simba jumps down the slide, Nala shouts, "This is no time for fun and games! Wait a minute…Yes, it is!" As she goes down the slide too, Haiba follows her, crying, "Cowabunga, dude!"
Haiba lands on Simba and Nala in the river, and comments that he landed on something, only to realize it was them.
Haiba watching Simba and Nala kissing.
Froggy's introduction. "I can talk to anyone. It's not that hard – once you figure out how to move your lips and say your words. You seem to be managing well with it."
Also, the part where he reveals his name: "Froggy. Not the most interesting of names, I'll give you that, but it's very easy to remember. Froggy. Yep. It doesn't get more simpler than that."
This Haiba quip: "I've met invisible people before. They make hide-and-seek way more fun than the normal version."
Haiba assuring Nala she's nothing like Hago, only for her to smile, "You just want a kiss, don't you?"
Haiba: But I like the river! Why don't you go look for Simba, and I'll stay here?
Nala: If you find him then I'll give you a hug.
(Haiba jumps out of river and starts running.)
Haiba: Nala, what are you doing standing there? Come on – we've gotta find Simba!
(Nala shakes her head and smiles as she follows him.)
Nala: Works every time.
Haiba: Oh, look, Simba's walking away with a frog on his head.
Nala: Oh, yeah. Simba's walking away with a—Wait, what?
Froggy: "Don't mock my size! My mother always told me that size doesn't matter! Well, until she got eaten by a hungry rhinoceros, but you get the point, right?"
Nala: Make it quick. I don't trust frogs like you.
(Haiba whispers into Nala's ear.)
Haiba: And when have you ever talked to a frog before?
(Nala whispers back.)
Nala: Never. But it sounds really cool when I say stuff like that.
(Haiba nods in understanding.)
When Froggy calls Nala "baby," Haiba asks if anyone's ever called her that before. She responds, "No, and they're not going to, because I'll tear their heads off."
Plenty of moments in God of All:
Zazu and Simba's interaction when the latter dares Zazu to come on an adventure with him. Check out the scene for yourself.
The reference to Timon and Pumbaa is quite funny.
Haiba rejoicing upon being slapped by Nala, under the mistaken belief that it means a relationship is developing.
Haiba: I still think that we should get married. Why don't we start a pride of our own?
Nala: Haiba, one more word about us getting married and I'm going to send you flying back into the Grand Lands.
Haiba: Received and understood.
Simba joking that Zazu is 1000 years old, only to learn that the hornbill is just barely into his adult stage.
Zazu's cowardice, as always.
When Nala and Haiba are discussing Simba vs. Mufasa and Sarabi, Haiba attributes his confusion to the jungle heat. "It's getting to me. I'm going crazy! Help me, Nala! Help me!"
The scene with Tama and Tojo would most certainly count.
The excuse the cubs and Zazu come up with to explain their absence.
The opening scene in Shocker is absolutely hilarious. Just a very small sample:
Haiba: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we play a game? I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "R."
Haiba: How did you get that right?
Haiba to the storm: "What part of 'rain, rain, go away' don't you understand?"
Seeing Simba not want any mud on him is quite unusual, thus very funny.
When Nala tries to persuade Haiba to go outside, he responds, "Only if I can have a kiss." Of course, this naturally backfires...
Haiba: You should see the Mud Puddles of Uchafu. They're so deep and long. You can actually go swimming in them! Needless to say, that's one date I never particularly wish I went on. But with this fur colour, mud doesn't really make me look all that different.
Simba: Then why do you keep complaining? What is it with you and dirt that you just can't stand?
Haiba: I could ask you the same question. Besides, I am a very clean cub. Being a prince, I have to keep my figure – and my reputation. I don't want my future subjects to view me as a dirt-infested freak.
Nala: You're already a bit of a freak. I mean, what other cub has romantic feelings for sticks and stones?
Haiba: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but they also happen to be very hot.
Haiba mocking Shocker's name.
From Darkness Falls:
Simba (slowly waking up): Don't mess with the tuft. Or suffer the consequences.
Not too long after that:
Nala: I lost my memory. Thanks to Tama. She could be really mean, sometimes.
Haiba (offscreen): So could my fifth girlfriend.
Death explaining who he is:
Death: Some consider me a god, others consider me a merchant of death. Well, you would, what with the name and all. But generally I'm considered the bringer of ultimate destruction and doom – unless you're some jumped-up psycho who thinks I'm the next best thing to sliced bread. But being a lion cub, you don't even know what bread is. That's the problem with travelling all over the world. You don't know what references to make. Anyway, hi, I'm Death, how ya doing?
Death's maniacal rant:
Death: It was all me, Simba! I've been laying traps for you all along – ready to bring you to this exact moment! It's brilliant! It's ingenious! Better than when I burned down FernGully! Better than when I crushed the Powerpuff Girls! Better than ripping the heads off of all those annoying, colourful ponies who don't ever shut the hell up!
Death's various references to other animated works, most of which reference him killing off the characters.
Haiba: I believe they call it the beach. Sand, sea, and se—
Haiba: Well, that would be rude of me to say – but it happens in these places. Anyway…
(Stares at the sand silently.)
Haiba: I believe the phrase rhymes with "cluck."
Haiba (smiling): Never mind.
Nala: Please tell me what you're thinking, Haiba.
Haiba: I'm thinking about your mother. She's kind of cute when you get up close to her.
Nala: Haiba, you can try and date my mother later. But this is important right now!
Haiba licking the dead lion's chest as Nala looks away in disgust.
Haiba explaining mirages to Nala. "That happens a lot in the desert. You think you're seeing something good, but then it's not really there. Right now I see a babbling brook with loads of pretty lionesses around it. But I know it's not real."
Haiba being absolutely useless during the final battle, as he is (naturally) entranced by Maji's beauty.
In Dig It, Haiba starts rattling off some maxims given to him by his mother:
Haiba: A little planning goes a long way. My mother told me that. She also told me that a meerkat saved is a meerkat earned. Don't eat wildebeest before going to sleep—
Nala: Haiba, I am desperately trying to cling on to my sanity without you blabbing on and on and on. So, please, keep that big mouth shut.
Zazu's interactions with Pori, including her various names for him.
Made even funnier due to the fact that one of the names, Zordon, was the name given to Scar in the Hungarian TLK dub.
Plenty of hilarious moments in The Interceptor:
Simba talking to Kazi, telling him, "This is a private den. We don't normally just let people come in as they please...Man, I'm beginning to sound like Zazu."
Simba's sarcastic comments toward Kazi are also quite funny.
The moment where Haiba accidentally exposes Simba's white lie, causing Simba to knock him off his feet before walking on his chest.
Kazi's speech: "Acting on behalf of my father, King Ghaibu, I have been ordered to order you to take on the order of the Royal Challenge Authority. This will thus ensure that you have completed the order that I have ordered you – acting on order – to do."
Simba: Come on, Kazi, can't you bend the rules so we don't have to do this?
Kazi: My paws are tied.
Haiba: No, they're not, they're completely free.
Kazi's pompous claims, including the names of his professors: "Dumbo the Elephant. Professor Chicken. Why, even Pori the Intelligent Hornbill."
Haiba: "It's always the nice cubs around here who get girlfriends. I mean, look at Tiny Tojo. He's probably making out with that hot girlfriend of his every single day – which is more than I can say for myself. A tiny, squeaky cub gets more action than me. I think the world is coming to an end. I really do."
Haiba on the challenge: "Can't say the idea is all that thrilling. But we should be fine. As long as we don't fall into a hole and get stuck there. Then the Interceptor will have us for dinner before you can say, 'Oops, I screwed up.'"
Haiba hopping around squealing, "Ready for our fight to the death with the Interceptor? I know I am. My legs are springier than the average lioness this morning."
Haiba prods Simba's injured leg, causing him to cry out, and a barely-awake Nala asks, "Did someone say 'ow?' Did you accidentally sit down on your tail again, Simba? I told you before: look before you sit."
Haiba's reaction upon beholding the Interceptor: "Evil never looked so good."
When the Interceptor moves toward Haiba, the cub stammers, "Uh, hello, Mr Interceptor, sir. I hope you're not hungry. You wouldn't want to eat me. I'm just skin and bones. Ignore the belly. Most of that's just fat. Chewy, thick fat. You wouldn't want that. Why don't you just leave me alone and we'll forget all about this, huh?"
Haiba on the famous catchphrase: "Yeesh, how many times is he going to say that?"
In Shocker's Revenge, the whole scene with Simba and Haiba trying to pick out the Arcaysian flowers would most certainly count.
When Haiba catches the scent of a dead body, this exchange follows:
Simba: And what exactly is it that's died? Or is it just us? After all, I'm not sure I washed all of that girl's guts out of my mouth.
Haiba: Trust me, it's not you. There's something very odd in the air. Like a kind of… stale smell.
Simba: Is that what dead people normally smell like? It worries me that you've been around them enough to know the smell so well.
Nala: Either that or the girls you've met are so sleazy that you think they're dead.
The moment when Haiba pretends to be an evil, psychotic murderer.
Simba: You can't come back from the dead. Well, that's not exactly true, but this is Shocker we're talking about. He doesn't have magical powers. He can just…
Nala (smiling): Oh, please say what I think you're going to say.
Simba (sighing): He can just electro-frazzle you.
Nala (squealing happily): Oh, I just love that word!
When Simba comments that they must be the most hated people on Earth, Haiba smiles, "You've still got me, Nala." Her response? "Yippee."
Haiba asks if he deserves romantic action for once, and is answered by the sound of crickets chirping.
Haiba's story about King Guala, who made his pride fight over a blade of grass.
Nala: "You'll be sent into the sky if you don't keep your mouth shut!"
Simba boasting that Nala and Haiba will rescue him in five minutes after Shocker ties him in vines.
Haiba's rant against Shocker: "You've gotta be kidding me. I seriously doubt that Simba and Nala would make any kind of deal with a creep like you. You have the qualities of mud: you're untidy, disgusting, and no one will touch you with a ten-foot stick!"
The now-famous scene where Simba and Haiba kiss. What seals it is Nala's reaction: When Shocker tries to get her to come with him, she responds, "Yeah, yeah. Just after I've finished watching this. It's kind of hot."
Simba, Nala and Haiba fighting each other.
From The Blood Line:
Sarafina: There's nothing to do around here. It's actually making me stupider.
Muerto: Are you implying that you were stupid already?
Sarafina: Maybe I am stupid. You'd have to be an idiot to waste your whole life around here.
Muerto: You're not stupid. It's just the boredom. It's making you ask yourself really important questions.
Haiba's line about vampires: "I dated a vampire once. She was surprisingly creative – like that cub I dated once with no legs."
Haiba hitting on Sarafina:
Haiba: There are a lot of people to date. Six trillion life forms; only one Haiba. Now, can I kiss you?
Haiba: Ah. Thought you'd say that. Sarafina, are you single?
Nala: Haiba, you're not dating my mother!
Haiba: But, why? She makes my heart race in ways I can't even imagine.
Nala: Mom, don't tell me you're actually listening to him!
Sarafina: Well… it is kind of sweet.
Nala: Oh, come on!
Haiba knocking out Simba with a rock to demonstrate how Sarafina sounded.
The now-famous moment where Haiba debuted his catchphrase:
Simba: I think you've lost your mind. Maybe you should lie down for a little bit, Haiba. How about I go search for Nala?
Haiba: No way! I have to look like a brave and mighty hero to Sarafina! Otherwise she'll never see how sweet, charming and undeniably hot I am!
Simba: Just how hot do you think you are?
Haiba: I'm so hot, I'm cool! And I'm so cool, I'm hot!
Nala trying to reason out the bizarre directions given by the animals to find the Family of Blood: "The third left of the fourth right."
Vitani meeting Haiba:
Vitani: Look into my eyes.
Haiba: I can't see your eyes.
Vitani: Oh. Well, pretend you can see my eyes.
Nala being defiant towards Zira:
Nala: You'd better let me go, or else.
Zira: Or else what?
Nala: Or I'll do... something. Yeah! How do you like that?
Zira: Can you shut that big mouth of yours for more than five seconds?
Nala: No! In fact, I'm going to keep that big mouth of mine open for as long as I like! (Begins singing obnoxiously) La, la, la, la, la...
(Zira makes Nala fall asleep.)
Haiba: "Darkness City. Population: evil."
Haiba kissing Vitani as a distraction.
The whole scene with Tojo and Shocker is hilarious, dialogue-wise. This exchange in particular stands out:
Shocker: Shut up. Screaming like a female isn't going to help you.
Tojo: I don't scream like a female! Tama just says that I'm a late bloomer— Ow!
Shocker: Do you ever stop speaking? I've never been confronted with such a pansy of a cub. I was under the impression that all males were stronger than females.
(Tojo raises a paw, and Shocker removes his paw from Tojo's mouth.)
Tojo: That's a pretty sexist thing to say.
In the same scene, Shocker spends three hours describing the graphic ways in which he will kill Tojo, only to find that Tojo wasn't listening.
"[Tojo] was pretty sure that if Tama were around, then she sure would have showed this Shocker guy a thing or two! No one messed with her cutesy-wutesy Tojo! Yeah – he didn't like that nickname much, either."
Death's brief appearance is one of the funniest moments, for sure.
Zazu's interaction with Pori, particularly Simba's reaction upon meeting her:
Pori: Hey! You look just like Zazu! Except that you've got fur, and different eyes, and whiskers… Actually, you don't look like him at all. You're so alike!
Zazu: You can see what I mean by "incompetent".
Simba: I'll say.
The entire Don Haiba sequence is absolutely side-splitting.
This exchange between Nala and Haiba:
Nala (giggles evilly): Might have been a little bit of an accident after that whole Family of Blood business. You could say I've developed something of an… unfriendly personality.
Haiba: I know I should be horrified, but that giggle was really cute.
(Nala kisses Haiba.)
Nala: Keep up the compliments and you might end up with more than kisses by tonight. Now, come on. We have work to do.
Haiba: Me likey!
When Nala commands Haiba to row his boat, he responds, "Row my boat where? Gently down the stream...?"
Many, many moments in Tama's Trouble:
The opening, where a screaming "girl" turns out to be Tojo. The reason for this is also quite funny:
Tama: Well, that's to be expected. After all, you did fall off a cliff.
Tojo: A cliff you pushed me from.
Tama: Okay, yes, but that was only to spare you a grisly death from that snake.
Tojo: A snake you angered in the first place.
Tama: Yeah – but that was only because of the rock that hit him on the head.
Tojo: The rock you threw.
This jab at Simba's Pride and the musical:
Nala: Don't forget my little 'eye problem. I think that Family of Blood left a bit of an effect on me.
Haiba: They live in you. Come to think of it, that sounds like the title of an awful song. Almost as bad as "Whoops, I Fell off My Elephant."
When the cliff collapses, Haiba gives this bit of advice:
Haiba: I'm sure we'll be all right! Flap our paws hard enough and we might just fly!
Nala:Are you crazy?
Haiba's comment that "We might as well cover ourselves in blood and guts and say, 'Throw me to the monsters.'"
Nala: I put my claws around his throat and said something really cheesy. I think I owe him an apology.
Haiba (to Simba): I bet that's all this is about. She just wants to say sorry to the poor kid.
Nala: What? Don't be silly. I just… want to pay them a… visit.
Haiba: Sure. We believe ya.
Nala: Oh, come on. Could one cub lie to another?
Haiba: Only if her mouth was moving.
Death's prerecorded message to Hago. Note that this is his final appearance in the series.
Nala leaves the den, telling her mother she is always careful, but she returns exactly nine seconds later:
Nala: Mom, do you ever get those days when something really horrible happens?
Sarafina: What do you mean, Nala?
Nala: Well, when I just looked outside, all of the trees were destroyed. And Simba's Uncle Scar is making his way towards us.
Shocker and Interceptor talking about Scar's betrayal.
Interceptor: We'll rip him in half. That way we get two Scars for the price of one.
Shocker: No, that's two halves.
Interceptor: I'll crack the jokes.
Simba to the Interceptor: "Gotcha."
The entire scene between Haiba and Nala is simply hilarious.
Within this scene is Nala's rant where she explains to Haiba who Scar is: "He's Simba's uncle! He took over the Pride Lands! Hago killed him! He's evil! He's greedy! He's mean! Is that enough information for you?"
Many moments in Everyone Loves Nala:
Every scene with Shocker and Interceptor is hilarious.
Simba and Haiba trying to escape the river, and falling into a pit after that. It's even funnier when it's revealed Haiba was the one who dug the pit.
Interceptor mimicking Shocker twice.
Interceptor throwing the Mapenzi plant into the gorge, believing no one will ever find it, only for Zazu and Pori to stumble on it mere seconds later.
Haiba falling in love with Nala, and sobbing overdramatically when she tries to say no.
After Haiba and Nala "get together," he literally clings on to her, only leaving when she suggests he invite Simba to their wedding.
Shocker (smiling): Can you imagine it? They're probably lying there right now, screaming and crying for help! (Laughs evilly) And no one will be around to help them! They will die! Die now and die for ever!
Interceptor: Crude, kid. Very crude.
The Interceptor's constant complaints about the Mapenzi plant looking pink and girly.
Interceptor: I did not wreck everything. The damn poison's probably still worked anyway—and if you ask me, then I think that plant isn't as deadly as you first thought.
Shocker: What are you talking about? That poison is perfect.
Interceptor: It was pink!
Shocker: What did I say about appearances being deceiving? It's obvious that the plant was a trap for the unwary. It probably makes animals turn inside out!"
Interceptor: Or it could turn them into girly little fairy princesses. Maybe appearances aren't deceiving. Did you ever think about that, huh?
Sarafina falling in love with Nala is sickeningly hilarious!
When Shocker sniffs the water, he responds, "Yuck! It smells of… niceness!"
When Haiba breaks out of his trance, he says, "Must have been some party…"
Shocker pining after Nala. The Interceptor's reaction seals it.
Interceptor knocking Shocker unconscious after everyone is cured.
Plenty of moments in Clone Wars:
The entire first chapter, featuring Shocker, Interceptor, Tama and Tojo.
At the end of this same chapter, Tojo is seen having a conversation with an imaginary friend.
Shocker admits he finds Tama interesting, but when he offers joint rulership of the world, she answers, "Not interested, Shock-O."
Shocker and Interceptor constantly arguing over who's idea it was to create clones.
Shocker: Come, Interceptor. Let us watch as the clones wage war against each other. This will go down in history as a great day.
Interceptor: What are we going to call it, the Clone Wars?
Simba: "What do you think I'm thinking about? Fun. I need something fun to do! You know when something really fun is happening? Isn't that just really fun?"
When Zazu tells Simba that the hyenas have been extinct in the Outlands for ages, the cub responds, "Darn it! [Hits the ground in frustration] And I was hoping for some kind of battle, too..."
Simba, of course, gets his wish for "fun" when the clones show up. Haiba merely responds, "Happy, now?"
The confrontation between Zazu and Haiba. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome, since the two greatest comic relief characters in the history of TLK are basically arguing with each other.
When Simba and Haiba start murmuring to each other, Clone Nala tells them to "sit down and shut up." When Haiba asks how they can keep moving, she simply repeats her command, prompting him to shuffle along on the ground.
Simba being melodramatic when Clone Nala announces she will execute him and Haiba.
Clone Nala threatens that Simba and Haiba will pay the price, and Haiba takes this literally. "I'll give you two wildebeests!"
The boys tricking their way out of being tickled to death.
Haiba tricking his clone into trying to eat him.
Plenty of funny moments in The Beginning:
Haiba: I have an idea.
Nala: If it's "let's all kiss", then I'm not interested. The last thing I want to think about before dying is your greasy mouth on mine.
Haiba: Who says my mouth is greasy? I keep very good care of myself. I am a prince, after all.
Nala: Yeah—the clown prince.
When Haiba suggests breaking into the resort, Nala has this to say:
Nala: Fine. We'll break into Jowai Resort and steal the food. But if you ask me, then it's just an excuse for you to smooch with some lionesses.
Haiba (smiling nervously): No way, Nala. Why would you ever think that?
The entire scene with Haiba acting as Don Haiba and seducing the lionesses. The others' remarks seal it:
Nala: He's really good at that act, isn't he? Half the time, I think he enjoys being repulsive.
Zazu: He is repulsive. I've never seen such an aggressively romantic cub.
Haiba: There are plenty of great things that the jungle has to offer. Like…Grass! Isn't that exciting?
Nala: Haiba, why don't you go smash yourself over the head with a rock or something? At least that'll be entertaining.
Haiba: Well, why can't you do it?
Nala: Because you're stupider than I am.
Haiba: I wish I understood that.
Haiba commenting on the Scavengers: "Wow, you have bad breath. It smells like… guts."
Haiba when one of the Scavengers grabs him: "Ooh—domineering. I like it."
When Nala, Sarafina, and Zazu are stuck in the cave, the latter continues whining and moaning until Nala finally snaps, "Can it, Zazu."
When Nala and Haiba start fighting, Sarafina asks Simba if they should put a stop to it, and he responds, "I don't know. It's sort of fun to watch."
After they stop fighting, Nala agrees to go on "as long as Haiba shuts up." Cue Haiba strolling past her, smirking "I'll talk as much as I want, thank you very much. Blah, blah, blah, blah…"
Zazu saving Simba, only to explain that it was so he could have someone to protect him.
Haiba: Nala, would you be disturbed if I told you that I love you and your mother?
Haiba: Thought so.
Plenty of funny moments in The Chase as well:
The opening scene with Simba, Nala and Haiba in the resort.
When Simba discovers Zazu and Sarafina arguing over a tree, he declares, "You're acting like cubs. Not even that—like babies."
Zazu and Sarafina each trying to convince Simba that he should listen to them and not the other.
When Simba and Nala go on a walk, Haiba points at them and laughs, "They're going off to kiss! (Giggle) It's funny 'cause it's true!"
When Dada asks Ndugu if he likes her plan, he looks at his sister and smiles, "I wish I wish I was a fish."
Only a few seconds later, Aibu threatens to slit their throats. Ndugu comments, "I wish I knew what a throat was."
Haiba admitting that he would cheat on Sarafina within five minutes, but defending himself by saying, "It would be a good five minutes!"
When Simba and Nala come back with Ugaidi, Haiba shouts, "I've never had fried cub before! This should be interesting!"
The cubs watch Aibu heading toward the Dark Caves, and Nala observes, "I'm surprised he never spotted us. Too busy talking about himself, I bet." Haiba misinterprets her statement and angrily snarls, "Is that a reference to my intelligence?"
The cubs giggling nervously when the creatures appear.
When the creatures spit out Haiba, he is absolutely covered in drool, and not happy about it at all.
Haiba: I've been violated!
Nala: Haiba! Are you all right?
Haiba (sobbing): What do you think?
Simba: Remind me to use the Roho to kill those things before they can cause any more trouble…
Nala: Remind me to have a good bath. Why did you have to get yourself eaten?
Haiba: It's not like I planned on it. I wish they went for you instead.
Nala: Oh, that's comforting!
When they come across the pit, Nala asks, "So, how are we going to get across with Mr. Terrified on my back?"
Quite a few moments in The Curse of Death:
Haiba offering to kiss Ugaidi as a way to return him to normal.
Zazu crashing into a tree after making some rather rude comments concerning Ugaidi.
Haiba's prediction that Sarafina and Zazu might end up together.
Sarafina saying that she doesn't do interspecies relationships, or relationships with cubs. Haiba responds by grumbling, "Darn it."
The cubs talking about their previous adventure with Maji:
Haiba: I thought it was a kinda hot death. If there's one way to go, then I'd like it to be that. Death by kissing.
Nala: You'll have death by my claws if you don't keep your mouth shut.
Haiba suggesting they use Zazu's dead corpse as a shield for Ugaidi.
Nala: I hate sandstorms. They're really… sandy.
Haiba: Well, duh! What did you expect? They're not gonna be banana-y, are they?
Haiba starts fantasizing about Simba, before reprimanding himself by saying, "No time for swooning over your crushes, Haiba. You have to rescue them instead!"
Simba: "That's like saying that there's some guy out there who makes up all those villains we have to fight. What a dumb idea…"
Haiba: I think we have more important things to concentrate on. Like kissing, for one thing.
Nala: Haiba, we've been through this a thousand times. You can't kiss us. It's not right. Find another girlfriend to have fun with.
Haiba: I don't want another girlfriend. You and Simba are the most beautiful animals I've ever seen!
Nala: thought my mother was the most beautiful animal you've ever seen.
Haiba: Well, her too. But it's the younger ones who like to experiment more.
Nala: I'm not even going to ask what that means.
Haiba declaring that he will not step on the log bridge, "especially with Mr Insano on my back."
When Simba sits in the cave, Haiba throws a rock to startle him, smiling slyly when telling him it was nothing.
A few moments in One Bad Night:
When Haiba wakes up in the dream world during the raging storm, he comments, "Oh, that was some rough night. Whoa. Who turned up the storm?"
Haiba panicking that if he dies, he'll have no one to date.
Haiba commenting that the weather isn't harmful, before being proven wrong.
Haiba calling Froggy a slimy slimeball.
Froggy's song: "You're all going to die... You're all going to die... You're all going to die..."
At the end of the story, Simba's happiness to see his loved ones alive and safe results in an unusual amount of energy and exuberance from him, earning witty responses from the others.
Haiba provides all the funny moments in Tojo's Tyranny:
The first scene featuring him:
Haiba (talking to a bush): Look… I'm sorry. I know we've been together for a long time, and I know that you love me. But… I just don't love you anymore. We're just… not connecting. I'm really sorry. Oh, don't cry…
(Walks away from bush.)
(Walks toward river.)
Haiba: Well, hello there. You've certainly got some thrashing waves, haven't you? How'd ya like to make some more?
Nala: Haiba, are you flirting with nature again?
When asked to carry the unconscious Tojo, Haiba responds, "Me? Carry an incredibly cuddly cub? No complaints from me."
Haiba poking his paw through Hago's chest repeatedly to annoy him.
He provides the same service in The Evil Serpent:
Haiba: "This is so glum. It's like when I organised my own surprise party. No one turned up. Well, not even me. I wasn't supposed to know about it."
"I haven't felt this confused since I dated those identical twins. Every time I tried to kiss one, the other one would feel it. Even if they were miles away from each other. It was really weird."
When Simba hears a noise in the jungle, Haiba comments, "All I see is trees. Very hot trees, too. Look at the thin branches on that one!"
The funniest moment is easily when Haiba tries to kiss himself, failing miserably.
Simba's sarcastic comments regarding Nyoka, such as "Great. Another bad guy who wants to take advantage of my depression. I can't wait to see how this turns out."
Haiba trying to persuade two trees that they can share his affection, only to walk away after realizing how fruitless the idea is.
In The Lost World, there are a number of funny moments:
The opening conversation between Bosi and Maono.
Haiba when looking for the mystery creature: "Not that I particularly feel like hugging anyone. Jeez, did I just really say that? Look what's happening to you, Haiba—you're losing your edge."
The entire scene with Haiba and the baby T. Rex. "Please don't eat me. I'm too young—and handsome, too!"
Added to by this passage: "He was going to be mauled— by a baby, no less!I never even got to kiss Nala, were his last thoughts as the dinosaur closed in. And then it nuzzled him on the cheek.
Haiba upon reaching the Lost World: "That's something. Then maybe I can get rid of this very annoying baby."
Upon hearing Sheriff Afisa talk, Haiba whispers to Nala, "They all speak in that weird accent. It's kind of hot."
Haiba: I hate dinosaurs. They should all be destroyed!