While the entire fic is a walking, talking Funny Moment as a whole, here are some gems from it.
- The poetic language is followed by a much simpler statement: "Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very good."
- "Harry's ghost".
- Ron is tap-dancing when he first arrives on the scene... and then he eats Hermione's family. He's also wearing a "Ron shirt", which is just as bad as him.
- Hermione threatens to get aggressive if Harry and Ron refuse to clump happily, but is introduced as "the reasonable Hermione".
- She may be reasonable by the standards of this universe, which is arguably funnier.
- After Ron offers "Ron magic", it's revealed that Harry thinks of Ron as a "loud, slow, and soft bird" — and he doesn't like to think about birds.
- Ron is nervous because he's going to have spiders all over his body soon. He's also going to turn into spiders.
- The trio's reason for teleporting instead of climbing to the castle is because "witches are not climbing"... which could mean Skirts and Ladders.
- Ron observes that the door to the castle is closed... then, a ghost named, of all things, Mr. Staircase, appears and declares, "Locked!" The trio then start "screaming about how closed it [is] and asking it to be replaced with a small orb". Eventually, Hermione figures out the password: "BEEF WOMEN!"
- Meanwhile, the trio is trying to listen in on a Death Eater meeting that's on the other side of the locked door. Thankfully, the Death Eaters don't hear them.
- The trio proceeds to stand "behind a circle of Death Eaters". Even if the circle is facing inward, the trio should have been seen.
- Not too long afterward, Harry does the opposite of failing a spot check: he detects that Voldemort is behind him. Being able to tell someone is behind you is reasonable, but being able to tell who it is isn't. Even if you have a feeling you know who it is, you don't know for sure.
- The Death Eaters in the aforementioned circle "looked bad". Given their behavior, this most likely means their appearance is bad, not that they look evil.
- This discussion:Death Eater 1: I think it's okay if you like me.
Death Eater 2: Thank you very much.
Narration: The first Death Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on the cheek.
Death Eater 2: Oh! Well done!
Narration: All of the other Death Eaters clapped politely. - Harry tears his eyes out and throws them into the forest upon noticing Voldemort, who then raises his eyebrows at the now-blind Harry, "who could not see anything at the moment".
- Alternatively, Harry tears Voldemort's eyes out. Voldemort then raises his eyebrows at Harry, whose glasses somehow get off his nose.
- Harry "savagely" calls Voldemort a "very bad and mean wizard"... which describes himself and Ron better than it does Voldemort, at least these versions of all three characters.
- One Death Eater is wearing a shirt that reads, "Hermione Has Forgotten How to Dance". Hermione responds by dipping his face in mud.
- Ron throws a wand at Voldemort... and everyone applauds. Most people in the room are Death Eaters.
- Everyone applauding includes Voldemort, so he chooses to applaud rather than dodge the wand.
- The narration also doesn't mention Voldemort for at least the rest of the chapter. He may have been teleported somewhere else or outright disintegrated on the molecular level because the wand hit him.
- Harry mutters, "Ron's the handsome one," and then when the Death Eaters' heads blow up, he thinks, "Not so handsome now." And as he's thinking, he's dipping Hermione in hot sauce!
- The librarian decorates the sinks in the Grand Hall with books about masonry.
- Hufflepuff apparently has a pig mascot, which pulses like a frog. Dumbledore declares that "[it is] Hagrid now"... which means the furniture that was shrieking at the beginning belonged to the previous Hagrid, who may or may not have been the character who's called "Hagrid" in canon.
- Harry, Ron, and Hermione say in chorus, "We're the only people who matter! He's never going to get rid of us!"
- The narration clearly states that the Dursleys are not going to come to the castle in this book despite there being no reason to even bring them up.
- That sentence is only three sentences from the end of the chapter. The narrator might be trying to invoke Suspiciously Specific Denial, in which case it's even funnier because the next chapter doesn't exist.
- Harry boasts that the Dark Arts had better be worried because he's Harry Potter... as he's falling down stairs... for an entire summer. Meanwhile, he may have taken out his own eyes earlier in the chapter. To put it bluntly, it's very unclear why he thinks the Dark Arts should be afraid of him now: he's blind and falling down a staircase!
- Also, the fact that he refers to the Dark Arts themselves, not their practitioners.
