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In a show all about character creation in video games, there's gotta be some interesting characters full of interesting tropes, no?

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     The hosts 

Griffin McElroy

Griffin Andrew McElroy is the younger of the two brothers. He's the one who's usually in control of the game, while Justin has input over a Skype call.
  • Annoying Younger Sibling: Invokes it in "Recreating Ourselves in WWE 2K16", where he does his best to annoy Justin when "recreating" him in the game, and at times in other episodes where he purposefully gets whiny for comedic effect.
  • Contagious Laughter: When one of the brothers laugh, there's a very good chance the other will too.
  • Cruel Player-Character God: He is not a merciful god to his monster children. Sometimes even the characters know this, such as the Tanner family from Sims Sweeps Week when he traps them all in glass chambers.
"What do you think he wants? When will he let us out?"
  • Curse: Encountered a Wicked Witch outside of Arby's who gave him a hacked copy of Dark Souls I to play and put a curse on him that he'd die if they didn't play it on Monster Factory.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Reprimands Justin for perving on Dark Vader's butt when he himself regularly lays on the lasciviousness thick towards other monsters, like Daz and #NOID.
  • It Is Pronounced Tro Pay: Their last name is pronounced "Mackle-roy."
  • Mad Scientist: The one who directly creates the monsters.
  • Team Dad: The daddy of the Monster Factory, and doesn't like his kids fighting each other in Monster Mania.

Justin McElroy

Justin Tyler "Wrestling" McElroy is the older of the two brothers. He just watches the chaos Griffin unleashes from afar and gives his input over Skype.
  • Absentee Actor: Went on paternity leave for his newest actual human child after the first of three Arby McDonald episodes and his role is filled by Polygon co-worker Patrick Gill. They call Justin at the end of the final episode in the trilogy to pester him into giving Arby a rating.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Sometimes Griffin refers to Justin as "Juice."
  • Audience Surrogate: He isn't told ahead of time what Griffin is planning to do and his reactions tend to mirror the viewers' — usually laughter.
  • Broke the Rating Scale: Justin's job is to give each monster a Meaningless Value rating at the end of the episode, which have ranged from using horse dressage scores to Family Feud hosts.
  • Contagious Laughter: When one of the brothers laugh, there's a very good chance the other will too.
  • It Is Pronounced Tro Pay: Their last name is pronounced "Mackle-roy."
  • Nice Hat: When a cowboy hat was seen on the commentary table at Monster Mania, Justin claimed it was his.
  • Team Mom: The Lady Gaga of the Monster Factory. In Monster Mania, he would prefer it if "the kids" just became friends and went to go play Xbox together.

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     Dark Souls II (Squirtle) 

Squirtle (Dark Souls II)

Rating: 8/10
A disturbing character modeled after the popular Pokemon, Squirtle.

     The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D.) 

G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D. (The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim)

Rating: -2/10
A "cyber-Garfield" who eats all lasagna JPEG images he can find on the internet, making them a rarity in Skyrim.

     The Sims 4 (The Vaders, Sweeps Week, Todd Coolbody) 

Dark Vader (The Sims 4)

Rating: 2/2 dads (shared with Daytrader Vader and Cousin Specialagent)
The biological father of Daytrader Vader.

  • Ambiguously Bi: Had a child with an unseen woman and tries to hook up with female Sims, but is very close to Cousin Specialagent and Justin suggests Griffin have Dark Vader start a relationship with a male Sim so they can add in yet another dad to the dynamic.
  • Child Hater: Was intended to be one but bizarrely is happy around kids and he spawns hugging his son.
  • Informed Flaw: Despite supposedly being a Child Hater, the very first thing he does is hug his son. Later on, he also becomes happy upon walking past another child.
  • Informed Poverty: Walks back home from the bar because he apparently can't afford the fare for an Uber, despite living in an extremely extravagant and luxurious mansion.
  • Potty Failure: Griffin makes him wet himself and then makes Cousin Specialagent clean up the mess.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Hamburgers. He makes a big plate of them at one point, and Justin and Griffin completely ignore all of his other needs to finish them.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: Griffin denies him the ability to use the bathroom and causes him to piss his pants as a result for his own amusement.

Daytrader Vader (The Sims 4)

Rating: 2/2 dads (shared with Dark Vader and Cousin Specialagent)
The oddly capable businessman child of Dark Vader.

Cousin Specialagent (The Sims 4)

Rating: 2/2 dads (shared with Dark Vader and Daytrader Vader)
The "cousin" of Daytrader Vader's mom sent to observe the odd family.
  • Becoming the Mask: Griffin suggests he won't betray Dark Vader because he'll realize they need each other as two horrible monsters and become True Companions.
  • Covert Pervert: Is suggested to enjoy mopping up Dark Vader's piss.
  • Killed Off for Real: Dies, with Dark Vader attempting to bury his ashes at a gym. Griffin tried without success to bring him back in Sweeps Week.
  • Long-Lost Relative: Claims to be a cousin from Daytrader Vader's mom side of the family as part of his cover and infiltration into the Vader family. Dark doesn't keep in touch with her so he doesn't realize it's not true.
  • The Mole: An undercover agent trying to investigate Daytrader Vader's shady online deals.
  • Parental Substitute: Seen as Daytrader Vader's second dad.

Sweeps Week (The Sims 4)

Rating: N/A
The main casts of several well-known sitcoms.
  • Assassin Outclassin': Boba Fett is tasked to kill Ray Romano, but is defeated in a fist fight by him.
  • Back from the Dead: Greg Montgomery eventually and miraculously revives after being deleted.
  • The Cameo: The Vader family lives in the same neighborhood as them, and have been seen on occasion in the series.
  • The "Fun" in "Funeral": Greg's funeral is more of a bonfire party.
  • Humanoid Abomination: When Griffin deletes Greg, the cast of Frasier immediately approaches Dharma, where the men introduce themselves as the "Greg-Eaters," before thanking her for satisfying their "dark hunger" and ominously chanting "THE DEBT MUST BE PAID."
  • Killed Off for Real: Steve Urkel becomes a vampire and soon dies from sunlight exposure. Later, Boba Fett is killed by Ray Romano while trying to collect a bounty on him, while Ryan Atwood burns to death in a botched attempt at insurance fraud.
  • Massively Multiplayer Crossover: Classic sitcom characters (and Boba Fett) all interact.
  • Plant Person: Uncle Joey is a Plant Sim. Justin and Griffin also experiment with giving him and his family salads and "pissbushes" for heads.
  • Sadistic Choice: Griffin forces Justin to decide to kill off two members of the Full House family and later either Dharma or Greg from Dharma & Greg to satisfy the dark hunger.

Todd Coolbody (The Sims 4)

The TV executive running the Sweeps Week operation.
  • Accidental Art: His magnificently deformed body was a completely spontaneous accident caused by the numerous mods installed in the game.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Every time he sets off to find Stewie he gets derailed by party invites, phone games and fishing.
  • Plant Person: Griffin accidentally turns him into one, but just runs with it.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Repeatedly walks past a lost and distressed Stewie Griffin without helping him.
  • Workaholic: Todd is so preoccupied with his career that he keeps an exposed toilet in his workspace, facing the televisions so he can continue to monitor his programs. In fact, outside of his office in the basement, his house is completely bare except for a simple bed, and his only indulgence in life is collecting opulent fountains.

     Fallout 3 (D-Bomb) 

D-Bomb (Fallout 3)

Rating: D-Bomb
A powerful and psychopathic vault survivor.
  • Humanoid Abomination: As a child, she could clip through walls and kill people with her mind, and also was a noodle-limbed monstrosity a la Slenderman with a touch of giraffe.
  • Self-Made Orphan: She spent a good amount of the tutorial murdering her dad in varying ways, like crashing a party he was attending with several Glowing Ones.

     WWE 2 K 14 (The Pebble) 

Christopher Christopher "The Pebble" Christopher Christopher (WWE 2K14)

Rating: 9/Human
A clone of Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson who didn't turn out quite right.
  • Cloning Blues: A failed clone of The Rock.
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: Dies offscreen from falling over and breaking his neck (and legs), which Griffin reveals very casually.
  • Killed Off for Real: In the WWE 2k16 episode, it's revealed that he "broke all five of his legs... and his neck. He died."
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    Mass Effect 2 (Truck Shepard) 

Commander Truck Shepard (Mass Effect 2)

Rating: ERROR
Originally a space-faring kissboy, but quickly devolves into a true space oddity with Griffin's intervention.
  • A God Am I: Griffin and Justin theorize that Truck himself took the reigns of how he wanted to look and that he is self-aware. It's stated that Truck can come out of the computer to kill Griffin and make things non-existent with his presence.
  • Alien Geometries: His face.
  • Facial Horror: Possibly one of the worst monsters. At one point, his face becomes shaped like an asterisk.
    Griffin: "If H.P. Lovecraft saw this right now, he would shit his pants to death."
    Justin: "He looks like Stephen King's dick exploded."
    Justin: "He looks like Wes Craven took a dump in a box fan.
    Griffin: "He looks like seven pterodactyls."
  • The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: By the end of the video, the brothers agree that he has become sentient and aware of Griffin — and may want to kill him.
  • Gag Lips: Starts off with these, but loses them as the McElroys contort his face more and more.
  • Groin Attack: Is a "robot dick collector" who likes shooting his enemies in the groin.
  • Humanoid Abomination: He crashes the video when the brothers attempt to give him his rating.
  • Why Won't You Die?: Griffin tries to make him commit suicide by standing in a jet of fire, but he's only mildly hurt by it.

     Ark: Survival Evolved (Dino-Lansbury) 

Dino-Lansbury (Ark: Survival Evolved)

Rating: Perfect
A prehistoric investigator loosely based on Angela Lansbury, especially in Murder, She Wrote.
  • Extreme Omnivore: Once ate 100 pieces of rotten meat, and was still interested in eating some cooked meat after a pterodactyl defecated all over them.
  • Little Old Lady Investigates: Per being modeled after Angela Lansbury in Murder, She Wrote.

     Second Life (The Boy-Mayor, Totinos) 

The Boy-Mayor (Second Life)

Election Results: Win!
A boy running for the position of mayor of Second Life.
  • Appearance Is in the Eye of the Beholder: At one point, he transforms into a regular teenager for Justin but remains the Boy Mayor for Griffin. When he turns into smoke for Griffin, Justin still sees the teenager, until the Boy Mayor turns into something else Griffin dubs his own political body-double.
  • Involuntary Shapeshifter: Is transformed several times in the "Second Life, Second Chances" trilogy and never regains his original Boy Mayor form (because the preset option the boys used to do their grim work was no longer available.) He adds a picture of his original form to his doghouse in the last part of the trilogy. He has somehow regained his original human form in Monster Mania.
  • Our Werewolves Are Different: Got bit by a furry at the end of "Second Life, Second Chances - Part Two" and transformed into a dog. In the next episode, he turns back into a dog, turns into a dog-human hybrid, and becomes human again.
  • Stout Strength: A short, round boy; but it's shown to be a decent part muscle in his performance in the Monster Factory Wrestling Federation.
  • Added Alliterative Appeal: Launches a "pizza party prison" to host his election soiree.
  • 0% Approval Rating: Near the end, his approval rating is mentioned to be -6,000 percent.

Totino's (Second Life)

The running mate of the Boy-Mayor.
  • Sidekick: To the Boy-Mayor, being Justin's avatar when Griffin is usually the one running the Factory.

     Bloodborne (Toucan Dan) 

Toucan Dan (Bloodborne)

Rating: Big Thumbs Up
A gun-hating toucan man.

     The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Chiquita Dave) 

Chiquita Dave (The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Rating: #1 Chiquita Dave
A pleasant banana man.
  • Amazing Technicolor Population: Has yellow skin, as befitting his name.
  • Bizarre Human Biology: His internal organs are all banana meat.
  • Dissonant Serenity: His default facial expression is a pleasant smile, earning him the moniker of a "chill-ass banana man."
  • Et Tu, Brute?: Monster Mania reveals his manager Grandpa Piss turned on him to support Brock Lesnarnote .
  • Know When to Fold 'Em: After he loses, Griffin and Justin believe he'll quit wrestling, especially as his doughy, squishy uncle-bod can't take much more wrestling.
  • Me's a Crowd: There exist a number of him that were created for a Chiquita Dave Beach Party.
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     Fallout 4 (The Final Pam, Trash Hulk) 

The Final Pam (Fallout 4)

An immensely powerful harbinger of chaos and disorder.
  • Baleful Polymorph: Has the ability to turn anyone who sees into anything else. This includes transforming her Robot Husband into a very handsome human man or the Liberty Prime to help her fight.
  • Brown Note: Not permanently active, but has the ability to make everything on her sight instantly dies, if she wishes.
  • Came Back Wrong: She can revive anything she wants but doing so does not heal them, resulting in hideous zombie-like reanimations.
  • Complete Immortality: She cannot by harmed by any means. She is ultimately defeated only by sealing her in an unkillable world and uninstalling the whole game. It doesn't work.
  • Dark Action Girl: Canonically the most powerful monster in Monster Factory who trumps other Physical Gods and Reality Warpers like G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D. and D-Bomb.
  • The Dreaded: Pam has made a couple of appearances in other videos, and each time is greeted with dread and terror, as befitting of her power.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: The most violent and dangerous monster by far, but she deeply loves her beautiful boys and many husbands.
  • Goggles Do Nothing: Her second outfit has her wearing goggles without any real use. The trope itself is averted since she uses them because she it makes her look prettier.
  • Kill ’Em All: Her ultimate goal is to do this with the whole game.
  • Husky Russkie: Never outright referred as Russian, but her accent is clearly meant to be a Russian one and she is massivly bulky and rough.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: Regulary devours the corpses of her slain victims.
  • In Touch With Her Feminine Side: Despite her previously mentioned Husky Russkie tendencies, she still enjoys feminine things, such as pretty dresses and wears plenty of make-up.
  • Ironic Hell:Sealed in a world where everything and everyone shares her absolute invulnerability to everything, rendering her destructive aspirations moot.This fails to stop her.
  • Humanoid Abomination: Initially conceived of as the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse. Her power only grows as the Fallout 4 series continues, culminating in her annihilating the game from the inside out, only for it to reform around her as a Lotus-Eater Machine designed to keep her sealed away. In the end, she survives Griffin uninstalling Fallout 4 and proceeds to invade every video game ever made.
    From: T.Howard@mailpipe.com
    Subj: Containment breach
    God help us all.
    —T
  • Make My Monster Grow: One of her many powers. Can also work backwards, making her opponents (or herself for a tactical advantage) tiny.
  • Mind Manipulation: Capable of controlling others around her and even outright turning their brains off.
  • Robosexual: In love with Codsworth.
    Hello, metal husband. Three-eyed metal husband.
  • One-Hit Kill: She is over level 4000, resulting in instant death to anything that dares cross her path.
  • Omnicidal Maniac
  • The Power of Creation: Can make anything she wants out of thin air. This includes any living thing or just bombs.
  • Reality Warper: Canonically the strongest monster, and demonstrates this by toying with reality around her. This even extends to the very foundations of the game.
  • Signature Scene: Oftenly shown in her quiet town... with the background dominated by hellish sky and a helicopter she just made explode and is falling into a house.
  • Stuff Blowing Up: Can spawn countless bombs and mines instantly, causing this. She can also use her kill-everything-on-sight-attack to make helicopters and other vehicles suffer this fate.
  • What the Hell Is That Accent?: Her accent sounds Mexican to some viewers, Russian to others.
  • Your Cheating Heart: Is cheating on Trash Hulk with Codsworth, and her Husband-Son Roachie.

Trash Hulk (Fallout 4)

The husband of the Final Pam with a bad case of butterface.
  • Chew Toy: The constant butt of the McElroy Bros. jokes.
  • Expy: Of Hulk Hogan.

     Black Desert Online (Borth Sampson) 

Borth Sampson (Black Desert Online)

Rating: 0/10
A perfect replica of the famous character from The Simpsons, Bart Simpson.

     Dragon's Dogma (Randyjohnson, Panpan) 

Randyjohnson (Dragon's Dogma)

Rating: 0.800
A warrior who throws her companions as projectiles.

Panpan (Dragon's Dogma)

Randyjohnson's sidekick and main projectile.
  • Fastball Special: Created as a projectile weapon for Randyjohnson, to the point that his original moniker was going to be "Toss Boy." In a twist of fate, performing this with Randyjohnson as the fastball leads to their victory in their MFWF Tag Team match against the Boy-Mayor and Totinos.
  • Younger Than He Looks: Super wrinkly, with Justin comparing him to Benjamin Button.

     Blade & Soul (Succotash, Rat Baby) 

Succotash (Blade & Soul)

A simply massive man.

Rat Baby (Blade & Soul)

Rating: Vape seed/vape tree
A tiny rat-girl vape activist.
  • Beast Master: Fights partly by controlling her feline familiar, Vape Life.
  • Little Bit Beastly: Despite her large, furry ears, she appears otherwise human. Or at least, as human as characters can get on Monster Factory.
  • Smoking Is Cool: Is very passionate about vaping.
  • Unusual Ears: Has large, furry animal ears.

     Dark Souls (#NOID) 

#NOID (Dark Souls)

Rating: Richard Karn
A redesigned Noid for the new generation.

     WWE 2 K 16 (Jorstin, Griffin) 

Jorstin (WWE 2K16)

Rating: 114%
A wrestler version of Justin.

     Dark Souls III (The Junker) 

The Junker (Dark Souls III)

Rating: 8/10
A rowdy, dirty boy.
  • And I Must Scream: Griffin muses on the idea of leaving the game running all day so other players can see the Junker getting killed over and over again for his crimes.
  • Chaotic Stupid: An agent of chaos, and one that will kill his own allies and attack monsters way more powerful than him with nothing but a stick.
  • Deep South: Has a strong accent and is characterized as a stereotypical hick.
  • Expy: Of The Joker. Specifically gets compared to Jared Leto's version from Suicide Squad (2016).
  • Face–Heel Turn: Starts off fighting monsters, and ends the episode as a Sixth Ranger Traitor who tried to kill all his own allies. Seems to stick as a heel in Monster Mania, where he steals Toucan Dan's win and beats the heroic Squirtle with an underwhelming move.
  • Fourth-Wall Observer: After clearing out an area of enemies, the Junker turns to the camera and tries waving Griffin and Justin in, telling them it's safe now if they want to get inside.note 
  • Humanoid Abomination: Canonically the son of Kingseeker Frampt from Dark Souls I.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: Kills almost everyone at the Firelink Shrine for no reason, and gets his ass kicked about a dozen times in punishment.
  • Religious Bruiser: Is deeply releegious and has his favorite Bible verses engraved in his Weapon of Choice.
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Green hair, with a green mustache.

     Soul Calibur V (Mëlissa) 

Mëlissa (Soul Calibur V)

Rating: 1 ALF/0 ALFs
A Sly Cooper cosplayer.
  • Action Girl: Natch, she is a Soul Calibur fighter, racks up a decent amount of wins even with an inexperienced player, and manages to beat Leather Daddy Voldo in a five-round matchup as an AI.
  • Badass Lesbian: Her backstory involves dressing up as Sly Cooper to go to a con with her girlfriend.
  • Dark-Skinned Blonde: Has fairly dark skin and pale pink hair.
  • Pintsized Powerhouse: She's the smallest possible character height, putting her head and shoulders below Leather Daddy Voldo.
  • Rummage Sale Reject: Much to their disappointment, the McElroys couldn't make her as hideous as their other creations, so they settled for giving her a silly outfit. In-Universe, she repurposed her Tomba! costume to cosplay Sly Cooper.

     Tiger Woods PGA Tour ' 08 (Daz) 

Daz (Tiger Woods PGA Tour '08)

Rating: +8
A rookie golfer.

     Saints Row: The Third (Trüllbus) 

Trüllbus (Saints Row: The Third)

Rating: 5 stars
A dedicated crime fighter.

     Spore (Jaa'm, Shreck the Movie, Buzzbo the Bee Movie) 

Jaa'm (Spore)

The sequel to dogs.

Shreck the Movie (Spore)

Rating: -80 (as a dog)
Rating: Shrek 5, coming to theaters in 2019 (as Shrek)
A redesigned Jaa'm from a new universe.
  • Amazing Technicolor Wildlife: All Shreck the Movies are a nasty pale green.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Initially a doofy-looking green mess, but as the species climbs through the food chain and beats all the competition, it becomes clear that they are a force to be reckoned with. As they enter the tribal stage they become covered in head to toe with ornamental armor and end up looking much cooler than first intended.

Buzzbo the Bee Movie (Spore)

One iteration of Shreck the Movie saw things taking a detour into a different animated franchise.—-
  • Face–Heel Turn: After the crash, they become the most feared enemies of the Shreck the Movies.
  • The Bus Came Back: The Buzzbos were seemingly Ret Gone by the game crashing, but later appear as NPC creatures, much to the brothers' shock.

     Wii Sports Resort (Turbovicki, Turbosusan, Turbojanet, DickCheney) 

Turbovicki, Turbosusan and Turbojanet (Wii Sports Resort)

Rating: Football/curling (for all three)
An incredible bloodline of athletes.
  • The Ace: Turbovicki is created to be the ultimate sportsperson.
  • Acquired Situational Narcissism: Deserved, given that she was getting good hits in on The Final Pam of all people, but her cockiness and showboating when she had the upper hand ultimately cost her the match in the Monster Factory Wrestling Federation.
  • Action Mom: Turbovicki is the ultimate athlete, a Master Swordswoman, and wrestled a Physical God without dying (again). Her daughter Turbosusan is also supposed to be one and Turbojanet is supposed to be an Action Girl.
  • Back from the Dead: Apparently resurrected for Monster Mania.
  • Badass Normal: Gave the Final Pam a run for her money and the biggest challenge Pam has faced. True, Pam was being Willfully Weak, but at one point Patrick believed she was trying to beg for more strength from the forces she gets her powers from, in order to finish off Turbovicki.
  • Batman Grabs a Gun: Despite being billed as the ultimate sportsman, she ends up grabbing a hammer to use as a last ditch resort in her match against the Final Pam. It turns out about as well as you'd expect.
  • Broke Your Arm Punching Out Cthulhu: Again, got some good hits in during her fight against The Final Pam in the MFWF, but the fight was always meant to end in tragedy for Turbovicki.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Turns out to be very snarky in her brief conversation with DickCheney before their showdown.
  • Genki Girl: Gives off this personality in her Ultimate Warrior style entrance at Monster Mania.
  • Master Swordswoman: Beats DickCheney in Swordplay and then defeats two back-to-back swarms of the Foot Clan. She becomes horrified when the sword gets thirsty for blood, and begs her enemies to run.
  • Skull for a Head: Her face has a bizarre resemblance to this trope. Even moreso in her Monster Mania version, where her face isn't tiny and squeezed together, and more skull-sized; Griffin bursts out in laughter at the sight of it and describes it aptly as a grim mask of death.
  • Uncanny Family Resemblance: Turbovicki, Turbosusan (her daughter) and Turbojanet (her granddaughter) are all identical.
  • Worf Had the Flu: Held up as the world's greatest athlete, but has a less-than-perfect record and some pretty abysmal failures. Her first attempt at three-pointers is a standout example. Griffin explained all this as being on edge and paranoid about DickCheney.

DickCheney (Wii Sports Resort)

The 46th Vice President of the United States and Turbovicki's rival.

     Champions Online (Knife Dad) 

Knife Dad (Champions Online)

Rating: "World's Best Dad, World's Sharpest Knife" mug
A superhero working to clean the streets and make them safe for his knife-kids.
  • Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence: Ascends to heaven after his resurrection.
  • Beast Man: Has a wolf head and digitigrade legs/feet with multiple ears from several other species, being at least part rabbit, part fox, and part dragon.
  • Cyborg: Part mech.
  • Clap Your Hands If You Believe: Can be resurrected from the power of his children doing push-ups.
  • Fashionable Asymmetry: Wears a thick metal pauldron on one shoulder and a tasseled epaulette on the other.
  • Good Parents: Loves his knife-kids, and loves his gay daughter.
  • Knife Nut: Loves knives, including having several knives that he takes care of as children, knives that he eats, and also being a bunch of knives.
  • Messianic Archetype: Takes on an entire group of superheroes as his children, dies, and is revived and let into heaven through the power of their faith, while letting them all bring in more followers to be his children.
  • Monstrous Cannibalism: Eats knives, while also being a sentient collection of knives himself. They may simply be added to his knife-body, though.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: His bio describes him as "part wolf, part mech, part rabbit, part fox, part sunglasses, part dragon, part dad, all dad, all knives." In addition, before becoming a monstrous superhero, he was originally a hamburger.
  • Pinocchio Syndrome: His backstory: he was once a hamburger who dreamt of being a man, and a boy-warlock granted him his wish by turning him into the sentient collective of knives that he is today.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: His transport power is Rainbow Run.
  • Rummage Sale Reject: Metal cuffs, a metal pauldron on one shoulder and an epaulette on the other, an oversized fedora and thick eyeglasses, and a loincloth, all over a yellow flannel shirt and some dad jeans.
  • Team Dad: Works as an inspirational and motivational component to his superhero team, which is actually named "My Kids."
  • Top-Heavy Guy: Super thick torso, spindly legs.
  • The Worm That Walks: Is actually a sentient amalgam of knives.

     Conan Exiles (Jefferson Tallpipe) 

Jefferson Tallpipe (Conan Exiles)

Rating: N/A (Justin instead gave 4/5 Stars to an episode of Scrubs)
A barbarian, founder of the big hog doggs clan (which he promptly left.)

     Dragon Age: Inquisition (DJ Slime Time) 

DJ Slime Time (Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Rating: 7/10 horses (using dressage scoring criteria)
An incredibly greasy Qunari woman.
  • Cool Old Lady: She DJs for a living.
  • In a Single Bound: She can jump so high she nearly reaches the edge of the skybox.
  • Poor Man's Substitute: In-Universe, she's this for the actual protagonist of the game, who's gone missing.
  • Senior Creep: Her oily skin and anatomically improbable facial features aren't particularly pleasing to look at. Her personality isn't so bad, but she has very little patience for conversation.
  • Super Not-Drowning Skills: Both she and her horse can simply walk around on the ocean floor.

     Final Fantasy XIV (Cid Finalfantasy, Robert Downey Jr. Jr.) 

Cid Finalfantasy (Final Fantasy XIV)

A man who dreams of being a cat boy.
  • Cat Boy: He was raised by cat people and his goal is to make himself more catlike in order to fit in. He finally succeeds when Griffin uses a potion to re-edit his avatar and change him to the cat person race.
  • Delinquent Hair: Has a massive blue and pink pompadour. Griffin even likens it Josuke Higashikata's hairstyle.

Robert Downey Jr. Jr. (Final Fantasy XIV)

A failed clone of Robert Downey Jr..
  • Cloning Blues: He escaped from the clone factory instead of being destroyed.

     NBA 2 K 17 (Gordan Summers, AKA Stang) 
Sting, having undergone massive surgery to become a basketball player.
  • Bio-Augmentation: Had his bones replaced, and of course, had the boys do their work on him.
  • Dumb Muscle: Absolutely massive even by basketball standards, but his Basketball IQ is down the toilet.
  • It's All About Me: Throws a tantrum whenever he's not the one with the ball, frequently getting him benched and pushed down the draft pick.
  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: After being penalized too many times, he eventually starts attacking teammates, the referee, the mascots, and members of the crowd.
  • Secret Identity: Changed his name from Gordon Sumner to Gordan Summers, and goes by Stang instead of Sting.
  • Super Soldier: His augmentations were meant to improve his basketball skills, in theory.
  • Taking You with Me: Decides to sabotage the entire team when he finally becomes fed up with receiving numerous penalties, getting benched, missing shots, and feeling underutilized by his teammates.
  • Two-Timer Date: Tries to leave a game midway through to play a concert.
  • Underdogs Never Lose: Subverted, his complete lack of experience and bad attitude contributes to his team losing every game in which he plays.
  • You Gotta Have Yellow Hair: Has yellow hair and a brown beard, since he bought the wrong color hair dye.

     Everybody's Golf (Garrettt) 
Rating: 3/4 medicines
Garretttt is a strange alien boy who loves golf.
  • Alien Sea: His home planet is entirely covered in space gravy, a mysterious substance that doesn't lend itself well to golfing.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Garrettttt's a bit of a nuisance to the other golfers.
  • Catchphrase: "I need my medicine!"
  • Creepy Child: Well, he looks pretty weird, but Garretttttt's pretty friendly.
  • Dirty Kid: Likes it when people golf through him because he's "nasty."
  • Facial Markings: Has two dots and a star on his face.
  • Fourth-Wall Observer: Griffin and Justin address him directly multiple times and henote  talks back to them.
  • Sequence Breaking: Tries to finish a hole other than the one he's on at one point.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": No matter how many 't's you add to the end of Garrettttttt's name, it's never enough.

     THUG Pro (Tony Hawk????, Zeke Teenweed) 

Tony Hawk????

An incredibly flat man who may also be Tony Hawk in disguise
  • Squashed Flat: Is completely flat; he essentially has no z-axis.

Zeke Teenweed

An undercover cop infiltrating the world of THUG Pro to try and stop kids from doing drugs.
  • The Infiltration: Is tasked with going undercover with the cool teens to stop them from using THUG Pro to trade drug secrets with each other.
  • Toilet Humour: Has a special skate trick that's just him farting.

     Phantasy Star Online 2 (Adult Cool) 
Rating: 10
A man who looks like a cross between Baymax and adult Michael Cera. He's a dewman bouncer who lived inside Griffin's dreams since he was eight, and has only now just escaped.

     WWE 2 K 18 (Arby "The Meathead" Mc Donald) 
Rating: Arby's Big Montana (on a scale from Arby's mozzarella sticks to Arby's jamocha shake)
A corporate-sponsored wrestler recently brought out of retirement.

     Monster Hunter: World (Halo 666, Meowster Chief) 

Halo 666

Rating: 8.5/A stars (9.25/A stars when doing the Judo Chop)
The daughter of Master Chief and Cortana.

Meowster Chief

The hero of the Halo, magically turned into a bipedal cat.

     Soul Calibur VI (Dr. Sexgun) 

Dr. Sexgun

Rating: 6 out of 9
A doctor who is always ready for sex.
  • Ass Shove: Griffin spends a solid 15 seconds adjusting a gun such that it is slowly embedded up Dr. Sexgun's ass.
  • BFG: He has one mounted on his head.
  • Brains and Bondage: He's a doctor who's capable of performing brain surgery, and he also enjoys being locked in a "sex cage."
  • Butt-Monkey: Dr. Sexgun is terrible at fighting, only managing to secure a win over an Avocado who really didn't seem to want to fight.
  • Chained by Fashion: Wears heavy chains on his forearms. They're part of his bondage kink first and foremost, but definitely add to his image as an intimidating fighter.
  • Drop the Hammer: He uses a massive hammer for a short while, and even wins a few rounds with it.
  • Lol 69: The brothers briefly entertain the idea of tattooing the number on his chest before deciding it's beneath them.
  • Phallic Weapon: Subverted. While Dr. Sexgun is equipped with several long and hard firearms, his fighting style uses anything but them.
  • Video Game Perversity Potential: For a while, he has a gun sticking out of his crotch. Griffin spends a lot of time getting the placement just right.
  • Wolverine Claws: The final weapon he tries out.

     Don Bradman Cricket 14 (Jim "Captain Cool" Johnman) 

Jim "Captain Cool" Johnman

Rating: LBW/10
Cricket's greatest sportsman.
  • Always Identical Twins: At some point during his first game, Jim's identical twin brother shows up as a teammate. Later, said twin becomes the team's umpire.
  • Fiery Redhead: Has fluorescent red hair, and is very enthusiastic about cricket.
  • Hotter and Sexier: While not to the extent of the antics of Jefferson Tallpipe, Griffin emphatically states that Jim Johnman definitely fucks.

     Fallout 76 (Slime Burger and Freddy "Slimeburger" Jr.) 

Slime Burger

A post-apocalyptic makeup artist who was tragically taken from us too soon.
  • Aborted Arc: Was originally going to be a total creep and was sad that Griffin and Justin made him so messed up, until they stumbled upon his love of makeup and he became a darling hero.
  • Decoy Protagonist: He's not the one who leaves the Vault, due to being taken by Todd.
  • Guyliner: Hard to see beneath the 37% grime, but he does have immaculate makeup.
  • Hero of Another Story: He had great adventures in the wasteland teaching everyone how to do makeup. But nobody actually gets to see them, because Todd took him early.
  • LOL, 69: The only way they know how to have sex in post-apocalyptic West Virginia is a "siddy-nine."

Freddy "Slimeburger" Jr.

Freddie Prinze Jr., portraying the original Slime Burger in the movie adaptation of his life.
  • Big Eater: Eats everything he can immediately, for fear of people stealing his food.
  • Inadequate Inheritor: Griffin and Justin spent less time on his creation than his predecessor's, mostly out of spite.
  • In Name Only: "Slimeburger" doesn't even do makeup tutorials because the studio in charge of his portrayal of Slime Burger said it was boring, instead electing to spend time playing his guitar, which Slime Burger never even touched.
  • LOL, 69: Subverted. He's so inferior to Slime Burger that he doesn't even know how to 69, or even the actually number itself, guessing that it's 45.
  • Not the Fall That Kills You: Almost immediately jumps off a cliff and dies once he leaves the vault.

     Bless Online (Tamitha "Tammy" Radbody) 

Tamitha "Tammy" Radbody

Rating: $29.99 ("That's a deal! That's a bargain!")
An irresponsible shopper who can absorb souls.

     Star Trek Online (Yoba Skywalker) 

Yoba Skywalker

An alien man with many orifices for the ultimate sexual experience.
  • Genius Bruiser: He's a science officer you do not want to cross.
  • Overly Long Name: His captain name is set to "Yoba Skywalker Starwars Rules" and his formal name is set to "Yoba Skywalker StarTrekSux".
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