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    Book I - Child of the Storm 
  • The constant snarking.
  • The fact that, when Mjolnir is lifted by someone other than Thor, it's almost always for a great cause. Diana uses it as part of a Moment of Awesome against HYDRA during the Final Battle. When Maddie lifts it, it's a final confirmation of her Heel–Face Turn. When Steve Rogers lifts it...he uses it as a doorstop, completely unaware of its significance.
  • Thor in chapter 4, being restrained from rendering grievous harm upon the Dursleys by Tony, who's telling him to be reasonable (and set an example to Harry), gets this example (also a Badass Boast).
    Thor: I am the God of Thunder and Lightning, not Reason and Understanding!
  • Later, Thor takes Harry flying, mentioning that he has twelve years of parental spoiling to catch up on. When they land back at Hogwarts, he mentions that Tony will want to take Harry flying as well. When the latter eagerly asks permission, Thor squashes this, noting that he also has twelve years of over-protective parenting to catch up on.
  • Harry's first meeting with the Avengers (also something of an Establishing Character Moment):
    Tony: Wow. Thor, your sprog is short.
    Harry: So are you. I'm thirteen. I'm still growing. What's your excuse, Mr. Stark?
  • Moments later, Harry proving that he is definitely Loki's nephew by manipulating Tony into an epic case of Open Mouth, Insert Foot (specifically, claiming that if they were to neuter him, Pepper would swiftly get lonely and buy out most of the vibrators in New York).
  • In chapter 8, Lucius prepares to go to war against Thor, Loki, and Fury, and imagines that they must equally be preparing for war against him, recruiting minions, sending messages, and getting the wheels turning once more. Over at Avengers Tower, it is indeed a dark and stormy night, perfect for dark deeds. Tony comes up to Thor, Loki, Harry, and Jane, who are...cuddled on the couch watching Doctor Who.
  • At one point, Steve expressed an interest in James Bond. Tony being Tony, this was interpreted as "please introduce me to Austin Powers and tell me all about the sex you had with the actresses."
  • When Tony makes an Austin Powers reference and Harry queries it, Steve swiftly informs him (because of the above) that he really doesn't want to know. Tony points out that he'll just ask JARVIS, and Pepper says that JARVIS has better morals than Tony does.
    Steve: You mean he has morals.
  • Steve being traumatized by porn. To wit, he was using one of Tony's laptops that popped up a porn site. After a few desperate attempts to close it, poor Steve resorted to punching the computer. While complaining that girls should not do such things with cups.
  • Loki conjures an illusion of Lily's ghost in order to Troll Thor. The 1,500 year old Physical God and master warrior can only whimper and apologize. Jane's response is to admonish Loki- an equally powerful and ancient Physical God- like he's a naughty little boy. And Loki listens.
  • Robin Hood On Ice, as performed by the Hogwarts suits of armour and Professor Snape as an unwilling participant as the Sheriff of Nottingham.
  • Thor's letter to Fudge on the subject of yielding Sirius to Ministry custody. It was clearly written while channelling his James side.
    Fudge. Fuck off and die. Thor.
    • The follow up scene is pure gold, with Dumbledore subtly and incessantly mocking Fudge.
      Fudge: My point is that the innocent have nothing to fear.
      Dumbledore: I think Mister Black would disagree. Quite strenuously.
    • From the same scene:
      "Are you saying that I should lie down and let him walk all over I and the Ministry because he is powerful?" Fudge demanded. Dumbledore had to strongly resist the temptation to point out that he saw no reason why not, as that was what Fudge did best, and after all, why break the habit of a lifetime?
  • Really, any scene with Tony/Loki/Darcy in it.
    • Darcy's casual flirting with/teasing of Harry, designed to give him a dose of normality. Overlaps with Heartwarming Moments.
  • Darcy giving Harry a hug and smooshing his face in her boobs, because that, at the time, is what's at Harry's head height.
    Tony: Second base already. I’m impressed, kiddo.
    • He [Tony] later refers to her cleavage as 'the Grand Canyon Mark 2'
      • Harry, having grown up somewhat, finds that he's now taller than Darcy, with a mixture of relief and irritation. Darcy responds with this gem.
        Yeah, from now on you gotta buy me dinner and ask real nice if you wanna get permission to shove your head in my rack.
  • Pretty much any scene involving Harry's mind being perverted is hilarious.
  • Tony, Sirius, Loki and Darcy discussing sex. Darcy opines that Loki is into bondage, Tony is whipped and Jane is a screamer.
  • Harry making to sit on a sofa and Thor stopping him, awkwardly saying that he [Harry] doesn't know where its been. Jane and Thor had been shagging on it earlier.
    • Harry then playing innocent to further embarrass his father.
  • Upon visiting Avengers Tower, Harry's magical artefacts are locked away so that Tony won't turn his Sneakoscope into a portal to the realm of Cthulhu. Knowing Tony Stark, this may be a reasonable worry.
  • Loki, coffee maker supreme. Steve tries to make a fruit shake once... it didn't go well.
  • Apparently, when Loki was still in the process of making his Heel–Face Turn, he'd made one smart remark too many. Bruce very calmly said, "Puny God," and Loki shut up immediately.
  • Thor and Loki bickering like the brothers they are in Gringotts.
  • "'They normally turned to Stark and Banner when there was a science based issue, if only to say, 'please stop doing it'."
  • Loki has a mortal Old Flame. The Queen. Apparently she was not pleased by his 'Puny Mortals' phase.
  • Tony and Pepper's interactions.
  • The Lemony Narrator.
  • The general reactions to Thor and Loki's offhand explanation of the other pantheons, with reference to Jesus.
  • Fandral's desperate yet effective attempt at Xanatos Speed Chess to a) amend his case of foot-in-mouth, b) set up Loki/Sif.
  • Harry asks Sif about the myth that she and Thor were an item. Fandral cheerfully mentions an incident where the Warriors Three, hearing her moaning, thought she was in trouble and investigated...and Sif headbutts him before he can finish.
  • About being a Hormone-Addled Teenager:
    Sirius: Definitely. I was a randy little bugger back then.
    Remus: You still are, Padfoot.
    • This isn't just Lupin being a Deadpan Snarker: Apparently, Lupin had been awoken that morning by Sirius and Darcy, who were so heavily involved in making out that they didn't even notice that they were in the wrong bed. And that it was already occupied.
  • Darcy notes that her type is a guy of the Darker and Edgier bent, rather than a Thor/Steve type. Steve sulks slightly and this exchange follows.
    Steve: I can be edgy.
    Clint: Steve, last time I and Nat went running with you, you stopped to rescue a little girl’s kitten that was stuck up a tree. You’re about as edgy as cookie dough.
  • Crosses over with Heartwarming Moments. Loki, remembering his literal and metaphorical fall into darkness, gets an instinctive hug from Harry. Loki smiles, wraps one arm around his nephew... and draws his other forefinger across his throat while giving the other Avengers, Jane, Pepper, and Heimdall - all of whom are smirking - a Death Glare.
  • “I would prefer my nephew be spared the sight of the Warriors Three at feeding time.”
  • This passage:
    Madness may provide great inspiration, but it plays havoc with your probability calculation, capacity for rational thought and ability to appreciate the arts. Though it does do wonders for your fashion sense. Black, after all, is always in style.
  • Harry's first Asgardian ball, with the narrator's comment on what said balls are usually like.
    Parties like these, or so Harry had found, were like piles of autumn leaves - very pretty, ever changing, and there were probably snakes at the bottom. If this had been put to Harry, he would have quite reasonably said that he could talk to snakes, but there is such a thing as taking the metaphor too far.
  • As Odin makes a speech after Harry was kidnapped by the Disir, Harry mournfully examines his crushed circlet (courtesy of a worried Thor), and the spotlight swivels over to him as he's trying to put it on. He awkwardly protests that it isn't as strange as it looks.
    "{Beat} Okay. This is exactly as strange as it looks."
    • He and Thor start bickering over the circlet while everyone's still watching, leading to great amusement from the Avengers and other guests. Odin wryly notes that Harry is perhaps a little overexcited from the rush of battle-well, either that, or like his father at the same age, he's drunk something he shouldn't. But unlike his father, he's not screaming about being hunted by invisible flying bilgesnipe, so at least they've gotten off lightly.
  • Loki saying 'yippee ki yay'.
  • Thor and Tony argue over what colours Harry's room should be, which culminates in Steve getting roped in, Tony unleashing robots to attack Steve and Thor, using a fire extinguisher on the latter, and much shouting. Pepper urges Harry to choose before they destroy the Tower entirely, rendering the question moot, and the following exchange happens:
    Pepper: Even Tony Stark's insurance doesn't cover grand acts of idiocy.
  • Huginn and Muninn having thick Brooklyn accents (a result of too long on Earth) and snarking like there's no tomorrow.
  • 'Hogun was as expressionless as an overdose of botox.'
  • Any time that Sif plays Team Mom to the Warriors Three.
    • Chapter 13
      The Lady Sif, at your service. The Warriors Three would be here IF THEY WEREN’T SO BUSY CHECKING THEIR WEAPONS, FLIRTING WITH THE MAIDS AND EATING HALF THE ROYAL PANTRY. AGAIN! *turns to Frigga* My apologies, my lady.
    • The funniest bit? It's completely obvious without being stated which of them is doing which.
    • Chapter 36.
      Sif: Stop that, Fandral.
    • This is in response to the below incident. Jane has thrown a book at Loki and it is casually explained that this is common place since Thor and Loki are Nigh Invulnerable. Fandral, meanwhile, seems to be wondering if everyone can get in on this and is eyeing a chair. Sif doesn't even have to turn round.
  • Jane trying to disprove that she's brave. Loki isn't having any of it. And is being smug about it.
    Loki: So, facing down the Destroyer is an everyday matter, is it?
    Jane: Well, no. *Beat* I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I? No matter what I say, I’m going to lose.
    Loki: Yes. Yes, you are.
    Jane: Thor, can I hit your brother?
    Thor: Be my guest. But believe me, it will only make him worse.
    Jane duly hurled a hardback book at Loki. He didn’t even bother trying to dodge. It hit him square in the forehead, and bounced off. Then he reached down and picked it up.
    Loki: How to make friends and influence people. How appropriate.
  • Steve's response to the above, in which he sounds uncannily like Mrs Weasley.
  • Pretty much all of Chapter 37:
    • Harry asking his father and uncle if there's such a thing as the Odinsleep, whether there's such a thing as Odinsleepwalking as well. One pointed question regarding Loki's illusions later, Thor and Loki exchange identical smirks and agree to put it on the to-do list.
    • The Warriors Three discovering porn and the Internet.
    • The various different reactions by Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three to Loki changing their clothes to business suits in order to blend in.
      • Fandral admires himself in a mirror, Thor's uncomfortable, Volstagg can't breathe, Hogun doesn't react and Sif mostly seems to be surprised.
    • Thor, Loki, Sif and the Warriors Three trying to squeeze into the Ministry visitor's entrance. Cue an annoyed Thor yelling his catchphrase.
      I SAY THEE NAY, BROTHER!
    • The two cops, each an Expy of Sergeant Fred Colon and Corporal Nobby Nobbs, commentating on this interesting sight, trying to work out which government department they're working for.
      • Their unanimous conclusion (on hearing Thor's annoyed "I SAY THEE NAY!")? "Foreign Office."
    • The capacity of a red telephone box being described with a sly piece of Getting Crap Past the Radar.
      Telephone boxes are only designed to fit one, maybe two people, if both are of about average height and know each other quite well, or, at night in seedier areas, getting to know each other very well.
    • The Ministry receptionist doesn't even look up and tells Thor to put his wand on the scale. Thor stares at him, then silently plonks Mjolnir on the scale.
    • The Warriors Three being puzzled by Midgardian turns of phrase.
    • The entire Fudge scene.
      • One example of Loki subtly, and sometimes openly, mocking Fudge.
        Loki: Effective exile for an innocent man.
        Fudge: With respect, Prince Loki, his innocence is a matter for a trial to determine.
        Loki: If only you'd had that brilliant thought twelve years ago.
    • Both Loki and Dumbledore utterly dismissing Fudge at the end. In his own office.
      Loki: Well, I think that concludes our business here. Do not let us detain you, Minister.
      • Which serves as a hilarious Call-Back to Fudge and Dumbledore's previous discussion, which ended with Fudge being dismissed with the same quote.
  • One of the Malfoy House Elves, called Drippy, recognises Fury from when he burned down the Manor and beat up Lucius Malfoy. His response:
    Yes. I did. Would you like me to do it again?
    • The conversation, which is basically Fury losing his temper and Drippy refusing to move, while Rhodey and Betsy try damage control.
  • In the same chapter, Fury and Von Strucker's allies are engaged in combat. Von Strucker prepares for what will no doubt be an epic duel against Fury... and then the latter shoots him in the leg.
    • Von Strucker really doesn't get the message, and tries to attack... and Fury stamps on his face, while lampshading the stupidity of believing that Talking Is a Free Action.
  • The A/N's can be quite amusing, since the author is clearly insane (something he cheerfully acknowledges) and really quite talkative.
  • In a Black Comedy sort of way, Gravemoss mentally upping the suffering on the death he's going to give the HYDRA mook who just doesn't know when to shut up.
  • Gravemoss has a strange tendency of accidentally making pop culture references in the middle of threatening/killing/torturing someone, leading to fairly epic Mood Whiplash. Lampshaded and used back at him by Harry Dresden.
  • Chapter 45 has Harry unsure as to which of the Weasley Twins is which, leading to the narration alternating between titles like 'Quite Possibly Fred' and 'On Balance, Most Likely George'.
  • Anything and everything involving Ron's Puffskeins, starting with their names - Henry and Graham.
    • Henry met his end when Fred and George ended up mistaking him for a tennis ball that Mr Weasley had brought home, and used him for bludger practice, thinking the noises were normal. They only found out when he hit the wall and splattered. Harry finds this to be an In-Universe example of Black Comedy and has difficulty restraining laughter.
    • Graham, on the other hand, may still be alive. No one's quite sure because Fred and George practised their hover charms on him, and he went straight up. And didn't come back down again.
  • Two words. Accio Hedwig.
  • "The Avengers Assembled. Drinking tea and Loki-brewed coffee as preference took them."
  • Natasha's response to Professor Sprout being shocked at her age and being asked how she remains so young.
  • Combined with Fridge Brilliance, Thor apologises to Hermione for staring because he's spotted her resemblance to her mother, Wanda, and says that he was 'lost in thought and memory'. Right on cue...
  • Upon hearing Harry use an Asgardian curse word, Dumbledore takes five points from Gryffindor. He then immediately gives five points to Gryffindor for re-introducing the Asgardian language to Hogwarts, and inquires about the exact definition of the word. A flabbergasted Harry can only mumble an incoherent reply.
  • When Harry is brooding over the fact that Bor's blood is in his veins, Hermione points out that he believes that people's ancestry doesn't have to determine who they are-though he may have "forgotten for the purposes of indulging in pointless self-recrimination." Harry half-heartedly glowers and tells her to stop being logical, he's trying to brood.
    Hermione: That is exactly why I'm being logical.
  • Apparently, one of Zola's AIs started malfunctioning and yelling "Exterminate." And who is it that catches this reference? Not Gravemoss, the accidental Pop-Cultured Badass, or Jason Todd, who is probably the most normal of the group-but none other than Zemo. Which implies that Zemo is familiar with Doctor Who. Which is itself a pretty funny thought.
    • His remark about how to solve the apparently recurrent problem isn't bad either.
      Don't let it access the internet.
  • Every single scene with Huginn and Muninn. They're either bitching at Thor, each other or whoever happens to be around. They like Harry. And they have Brooklyn accents.
  • Freki and Geri will, apparently, 'eat everything that isn't nailed down'.
  • Some Hogwarts students start acting reverently towards Harry. The Weasley Twins mockingly take it Up to Eleven and go around asking, "What is thy bidding, my master?" This may or may not have been intentional. If it is, the fact that the Weasley Twins are familiar with Star Wars is even funnier.
  • Had Harry been Twitter savvy and pretentious, he might have posted "thanking your grandmother for good health" as #demigodproblems.
  • Wanda tells Thor that, as far as she knows, Strange's predictions have always been accurate... except for when he was predicting she would clean her room.
  • The Soldier's snarky remark to Ivan about the quality of the Red Room Agents.
    Incompetent. Standards are falling everywhere.
  • When a garden gnome bites Jane on the finger, an angry Thor jumps, grabs it, and throws it into the air.
  • In chapter 66, during the Pensive Incident, Sean banters with Lily Potter, who reads his thoughts: namely, that he had the same odds of stopping her as becoming the world's first mutant pope.
    Lily: That could probably be arranged.
    Sean: I'll pass if ye don' mind. Th' frocks itch somethin' terrible.
  • When Harry finds out about Luna's bullying at the hands of her housemates.
    Harry found himself entertaining the thoughts of a violent pyromaniac, and idly wondered if stone, say, the stone that made up Ravenclaw Tower, was flammable. All prior evidence suggested that it wasn’t, but maybe all prior evidence simply hadn’t been trying hard enough.
  • And when Harry learns that the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team is complicit in all the abuse Luna undergoes at the hand of her housemates, he starts grinning horribly. The next scene is McGonagall reading the extensive list of injuries suffered by the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team and punishing Harry for indirectly causing them and telling him "Nicely done".
  • In chapter 68, Cassidy gives Harry - who's worried about Power Incontinence related to his Psychic Powers - a set of resized arm braces that Jean used to wear when her powers were first coming through, when she was about 6. Sweet, right? Well, the funny part comes in when he adds cheerfully that once she started getting a handle on her powers, by the time she was about 8, she hated wearing them. Which meant that Logan often had to chase her around the Xavier Mansion to try and make her put them on. As Cassidy remarks...
    "Ah, the sight brought many joyful tears to my eyes. And everyone else's."
  • The Winter Soldier's internal arguments are generally quite funny, with one side being an analytical and computer like personality, the other being the human and somewhat snarky personality of Bucky Barnes.
  • At one point, Dumbledore considers hiring Dresden as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, just to mess with Fudge.
    • He also remembers when Dr Strange moved from London to New York in the 60s, claiming his fashion sense would stick out less there; on remembering visiting him there in full wizard outfit and not receiving so much as a raised eyebrow, Dumbledore figures he had a point.
  • Fred and George demonstrating their new experimenting with merging science and magic by sticking some repulsors on Errol, ending up launching him all over the train station like a bottle rocket. And Harry notes that the poor owl isn't scared so much as he is resigned to his fate.
  • Nick Fury starts thinking about Azkaban and SHIELD's new prison, and how much he hates "evil soul-eating demons floating around causing misery and despair"... but unfortunately, can't do anything about them. The Congressional Oversight Committee, that is.
  • "I need to speak to your fellow student and his talking ravens."
  • Every time some random badass meets their hero. And has to try to resist squeeing like a fangirl when said hero exceeds their expectations. Some cases in point:
    • Chapter 45: Dane Whitman, the Black Knight, asking for the autograph of Michael Carpenter, Knight of the Cross, in the middle of a vast pitched battle.
    • Chapter 1 of Chaos Reigns: Harry Dresden squees upon recognising Wanda Maximoff after shaking her hand. In front of witnesses. That he later tries to deny it makes it even better, because absolutely no one is buying it.
      Dresden on meeting Captain America: "Which I will, in a manly and mature fashion which will in a no way involve me being tongue tied and staring and begging on my knees for an autograph, no siree."
  • When told that he and Wanda will be looking for Mindless Ones, Dresden offers to call up his friend Billy at the University of Chicago and ask where the fratboys are.
  • Chapter 2 of Chaos Reigns has a couple of moments:
    • Dresden and Thomas Raith childishly squabbling in the back of the car.
    • Dresden's Freudian Slip about the length of his staff.
      Murph: Don't be too impressed. Dresden often exaggerates.
    • Dresden's Dissonant Serenity at his abrupt introduction to Aeromancy and the Mabdhara chowing down on a police horse.
    • After he gets air-dropped close to Murphy's barricade and annihilates the N'Garai attacking the cops, they are naturally staring at him. His first thought is that there is something wrong with his hair.
    • When Wanda implies her father is not someone you ought to meet, Dresden immediately freaks at the thought of finding Nicodemus at his door, wanting to know Harry's intentions towards his other daughter.
  • Wanda mentions playing poker with Darcy in the aftermath of the mountain fight, and after noticing that the other woman was cheating, Wanda cheated back. And is better at it.
  • Harry frequently being distracted by Betsy's sexy while she's teaching him and Betsy's gently amused reaction to it.
  • While Chapter 71 is, like its predecessor, fairly short on humour, it has a moment or two, for instance:
    • The Winter Soldier's response to hearing the famous 'snikt'.
    • And how the Soldier beats Wolverine - he reaches into his pocket and gets out a thermite tipped RPG, eliciting an understandable You Have Got to Be Kidding Me! reaction from Logan.
  • Chapter 75 gets some more humour back after Chapter 74:
    • After Carol wonders how it is possible that she is Captain America's great-granddaughter, Harry seems to be about to start with The Talk.
    • Logan's nickname for Namor: fishy.
    • Wisdom asks JARVIS if he wants a piece of HYDRA. JARVIS corrects him. He wants them in pieces.
    • Darcy swipes a bag of jelly babies off some British doctor wearing a massive scarf.
      • Even funnier when one remembers that the show exists in-universe.
    • Colonel Summers echoes Natasha's deadpan response to inquiries about one's age and how one does not look it.
    • Doctor Strange is back in full Troll force: he takes Loki's head and replaces it with a note saying I.O.U. one Loki and swipes Moody's leg for a ritual because it's funny.
      • In a bit of Fridge Brilliance, given who was being restored by the ritual, swiping Moody's leg because it was funny may have actually been required.
      • We also learn the one thing he seems to be afraid of: Mrs Weasley. That's right: He's second only to Loki in raw power, survived a duel with Gravemoss, crushed an amped Grindelwald, threw down the gauntlet to the entire White Council, takes on one Eldritch Abomination after the next for a living, and is fairly dismissive towards Charles Xavier... but he's worried about Molly Weasley.
    • Strange also views Namor's Battlecry as a sign of Incoming Ham.
    • When Strange pulls out a top hat (it's actually a portkey), Harry asks if he's going to pull out a rabbit next.
    • During the first meeting of the Shadow Initiative, Havok and Namor come close to trading blows over a past encounter, before Fury shuts them down. And then complains that at least the Avengers got introductions out of the way before fighting each other.
      Fury: (growls) And that's not helping.
  • Chapter 76 continues with the resurgence of the wit.
    • The kids and their continued banter in the face of mortal danger, particularly when Uhtred dives headfirst into a mob of N'Garai, laughing like a lunatic.
      Carol: I can’t believe we’re fighting this guy.
      Harry: I can't believe we've been fighting this guy for more than ten seconds and we're not dead yet.
      Carol: Give it time.
      Harry: I'd rather not.
      Jean-Paul: I am going to meet my end alongside total lunatics.
      *Beat*
      Carol: He has problems. Useful problems, but still problems.
    • Honestly, the whole of that section is hilarious.
    • Harry gets his battle plan for dealing with Gravemoss from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
    • Dresden's narration, in its usual First Person Smart Ass style. For instance, his observation on Wanda's chilly greeting of Constantine.
      Ouch, you could have deep frozen a mammoth with that tone.
    • And then the hilariously Crazy Awesome bit where Dresden's force-and-fire spell mixes with Soulfire to turn his blasting rod into his lightsabre, particularly his first line.
      “I am so getting sued for this.”
    • Then quoting Yoda to taunt Gravemoss when the latter starts backing away in terror.
      “If so powerful you are, why leave?”
    • Rhodey repeatedly complaining, partly in response to the above, 'how is this my life?'
    • And Dresden's remark when Wanda asks him how he feels about a more in-depth introduction to Aeromancy.
    • Immediately afterwards, Wanda turns his trousers brown.
    • Wisdom's response to being informed that the Houses of Parliament have taken a pounding.
      "They’ve already been bombed! And they needed fixing any way; there was dry rot and rats everywhere!”
    • Wisdom's kvetching about the way the situation only getting worse.
      Someone else has picked up Mjolnir. Of course I couldn’t be so lucky to have the actual god of thunder pick it up. No, a newbie with the Green Lantern Ring and a HYDRA helicarrier armed to the teeth with Deity Class weaponry isn’t enough, I have to have someone else with absolutely no idea what the hell they’re doing wielding another weapon powerful enough to blow up the whole fucking planet!
    • And Betsy's matter-of-fact response to this.
      "Well. That’s us buggered then. And not in a fun way, either."
    • The kids bickering. Again.
      Diana: Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.
      Carol: Considering how many times we almost died on the way in here, I’m not sure how you came to that conclusion.
      Harry: We’re still alive, aren’t we?
    • The kids rather awkwardly explaining about the considerable collateral damage involved in their rescue of Steve. It's all Steve can do not to burst out laughing.
      Steve: "Did you have something to do with that explosion I heard earlier?”
      Carol: "That was us."
      Harry: "We were fighting Gravemoss."
      Steve: "HYDRA’s necromancer? And you won?"
      Carol: "Well, I think that we mostly just really pissed him off. That and made him somebody else’s problem." She shuffled her feet. “And we might have destroyed a bridge. A big one.”
      Uhtred: “It was in the cause of justice."
    • Two words: Stoned. Tony.
    • The kids again, in response to Gravemoss' summoning of a couple of skyscraper sized giants.
      Carol: First day on the job and we get this. How is that fair?
      Harry: Since when was life fair?
      Carol: Good point.
    • Dresden and Carol - and Harry and Wanda - have a Strange Minds Think Alike moment when in the scene immediately afterwards, Dresden complains (like Carol) that this is so not fair and Wanda dryly asks (like Harry) that since when was life fair?
    • This bit of dialogue between Wanda and Dresden, mostly for the sheer incongruity of the mental image:
      Wanda: "Your mother didn't lead a one-man crusade against humanity for most of thirty years."
      Dresden: "Your father didn't date the King of the White Court. [Beat] He didn't, did he?"
    • The profound (and justified) smugness of Doctor Strange after Nick Fury, who'd been in the midst of chewing him out, stoic, unflappable Nick Fury, is struck dumb by the sight of the kids taking down/dismembering two giants in about thirty seconds flat and using the burning meat as a cannonball to damage the Dreadnought.
      "Amazing what you can do when you take a few talented young people and give them directions to HYDRA’s armoury, isn't it?"
    • Wanda giving Harry a maternal scolding for putting himself in danger and Carol's background sotto voce mumble of "busteeed..."' It's just normal and absurdly out of place in the grand scale Final Battle
    • Wanda's continuing exasperation at the ridiculous antics of her godson and those she cares for.
      “Why am I surrounded by morons who do not know the meaning of caution?”
    • Carol remarking on the naked Hulk and certain inevitabilities of his anatomy.
      "Holy fuck. Now I see what all the fuss is about.” Her gaze dropped downwards. “Wow. Okay, now that’s just excessive."
  • Chapter 77 does not have as much hilarity, but still enough:
    • Stephen Strange screwing with Malfoy with a single line.
      • Also, Strange calling Gravemoss a 'rank, arrogant amateur' in scathing tones.
    • Tony's re-entrance in the battlefield.
      "Hello Director. May I say that your head is looking delightfully shiny today?" came the insouciant voice of Tony Stark. Fury had never been so glad to hear that voice and, he reflected, probably never would be again.
    • Also, his new nicknames for Clint and Natasha: Robin Hood and Agent Raspberry.
    • Uhtred is, naturally, having the time of his life in the battlefield.
    • One of Jean-Paul's methods to deal with demons is via the Finger Poke of Doom.
    • Father-son bonding in the Asgardian tradition: kicking arse.
    • Thor teasing Harry over his attraction to Carol.
    • Tony manages to make a dragon swallow him as part of his plan... only for the dragon to close its mouth. Tony promptly tells JARVIS not to say 'I told you so'.
      • Upon getting out, he asks JARVIS to tell Pepper to clear two days from her calendar - which he intends to use for 'it's good to be alive sex' that will have the neighbours making complaints. Natasha informs him that she won't bother with complaints.
      • As part of his efforts to distract HYDRA, he locks them down, turns on the sprinklers and puts the Crazy Frog song on a loop. Clint rightly informs him that he is a cruel and ingenious man.
      • JARVIS mildly, in the midst of battle, revealing Hogwarts' favourite flowers (in response to Tony's remark that he needs to get the Castle some flowers in thanks): cloudberries.
      • Tony verbally flipping off Zola when he attempts to take over the Prometheus suit.
    • Harry and Carol arguing over a demonic dragon's stupidity, with Carol claiming that it qualifies for the Darwin Award.
    • Volstagg dips his finger in a bit of the previous demon's remains - which had landed on an entirely deadpan Hogun's head - and tastes them, and by doing so effectively identifies where it came from.
    • Fandral, fed up with the unresolved nature UST between Loki and Sif, finally pushes their heads together, forcing them to kiss.
    • Dumbledore is apparently an art snob: he'd be all too willing to let a bunch of Mindless Ones tear through Tate Modern, considering said action an invaluable service to art and British culture, if it were not for the people within.
    • Severus snarking at the people that did not run away from London after everyone else did.
    • Loki and the Voice of London discussing the city's nicknames. And the Voice telling him that the spell she asks him to use will grant him eternal bragging rights. And the Voice flicking him in the forehead to pass the information he needs.
    • Colonel Philips (a spirit come back because of what Gravemoss did) grumpily saying Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey on behalf of Strange. Just imagine Tommy Lee Jones saying it.
    • In the middle of the battle, Sirius takes the time to crack a joke about Bellatrix Lestrange and the fact that her outside now matches the inside.
    • While Chthon is distracted, Strange takes advantage and sucker-punches him.
  • Chapter 78:
    • When the Legends of Tomorrow are summoned by Strange and appear largely as blurs, repairing the damage, one shoots overhead in a red and blue blur, leaving behind the crack of an immense sonic boom. Since reality is warping around them, the laws of physics constantly changing, this riff is the result, and leaves in no doubt who it actually is:
      Steve: Is it a bird?
      Clint: Is it a plane?
      Strange: Spoilers.
    • When the Hulk uses his Metronomic Man Mashing trick on Chthon, Loki's remark?
      It is so satisfying to see that happen to someone else.
    • This very dry line from Lily as she reunites with Thor:
    • The Gherkin becomes an actual gherkin. Tony Stark proceeds to tell Bruce he has some competition. Dresden, Darcy, Carol, Jean-Paul, Fandral and Volstagg (described as the ones with an actual or mental age of 15) start to snigger, while Thor tries to hide his laugh under a cough. When Wanda says they have to do something about it, Tony suggests cold water, which brings another round of sniggering. Loki decries the fact that it has only taken him three minutes to start making penis jokes after they narrowly averted the end of the world.
      Magneto: And he's supposed to be one of the greatest minds of our age. God help us all.
    • Magneto has learned Harry Dresden is his daughter's boyfriend and gives him a measuring look. Dresden tries to hide behind Wanda, but, since he's over one foot taller than her, he fails miserably. Wanda's response:
      Father, don't you dare.
    • When they hear about the post-battle party, Huginn and Muginn appear, and the latter asks for eyeballs. All the Asgardians just sigh or otherwise express embarrassment, but not surprise.
    • To prove her identity to Nick Fury, Lily Potter reveals that, the night of Harry's christening, he, James, Sirius and John Constantine went through six bottles of firewhiskey and took Sirius' motorbike, a barrel of grease and a herd of enchanted badgers to a Quidditch match. Sirius remembers it as "good times", Thor goes red and Tony is, of course, recording this wonderful piece of blackmail.
  • Wanda comments that Doctor Strange is a font of three things: knowledge, enigmatic and irritating pronouncements, and pop-culture references. Dresden starts whistling innocently in the background.
  • Tony Stark and Harry Dresden meet, and initially start up the Snark-to-Snark Combat, much to the disgruntlement of everyone else.
    • During the post-battle feast, much of the Asgardian crowd listens in on them and actually take bets on who'll get the last word.
  • Carol teasing Harry by comparing him to Luke Skywalker and saying that his psychic powers make him 'basically a Jedi.'

    Book II - Ghosts of the Past 
  • The psychic therapy scene in chapter 1 between Harry and Carol is equal parts adorable and hilarious, with copious references to The Girl In The Fireplace, specifically the Ship Tease heavy telepathy scene between the Doctor and Reinette. Of course, since the two involved are teenagers with mutual UST, a lot of trauma in their recent pasts and both are in their night-wear, it's as awkward and Adorkable as you'd expect.
    • When Natasha sees Harry and Carol having a Sleep Cute moment following the above, and tells the other Avengers they are sleeping together. Their reactions are fairly funny, with the prize going to Steve doing a Spit Take and drenching Tony and Fandral collecting a sack of money from Volstagg.
      • Which also implies that Fandral and Volstagg, at least, already have a bet going, either on what age Harry will start sleeping around, or on Harry and Carol in particular. Either way, it's hilarious.
    • The reactions when Bruce figures out what she really meant are equally fairly priceless.
    • When talking about the Marauders, Sirius mentions that they did not have too many personal boundaries, and Thor points out, somewhat aggrieved, that Sirius once used his head as a pillow (Sirius was unrepentant). When Tony, naturally, asks about photos, Remus offers one better: he still remembers the event and Pensieves exist for a reason.
  • Snape revealed to the parents that Remus is a werewolf, so he was politely asked to resign. As revenge, Thor has one tiny cloud follow Snape everywhere, drenching him with rain, sleet, snow and hail, and from time to time throw a little lightning bolt.
  • The by the pool scene, when Harry reveals that he can't swim because of Dudley's bullying, has Lex open his mouth to offer to exercise his Knight Templar Big Brother tendencies. When Carol shuts him down, he says, somewhat aggrieved:
    Actually, I was going to offer the services of my lawyers.
  • Much like the other Harry could have told him, thinking that nothing can go wrong is not a good idea.
  • Sirius explains that his family made him learn several ancient languages in the hopes of it improving his spell making ability, even though, as he points out, most spells are in "bad Latin".
  • Chapter 2 gets pretty dark from about a third of the way in, but there's a few gems in that third.
    • Wanda declines the invitation to the Quidditch World Cup, on the grounds that this year's Halloween and Winter Solstice are going to be especially busy for her and her apprentice and boyfriend, Harry Dresden, who she therefore needs to put through some intense training. Harry, seeing the innuendo, sniggers, and Wanda, totally unabashed, turns it back on him.
      Yes, that too. Your godmother might be an old lady, but unlike some in this room, she's getting some.
    • Harry's response when Bagman remarks that there can't be anyone who hasn't heard of him.
    • The Twins decide to make use of the leprechauns' only-temporary-existing gold to con people, and Carol decides to go along with it just to Troll Steve.
      Carol: So what I'm hearing is that we need to spend this quickly.
      George: And carefully.
      Fred: Spread the spending around so it won't be so noticeable or easily traceable.
      Carol: You guys have an idea about where to start?
      Fred: My dear Miss Danvers, we don't have an idea.
      George: Perish the thought: we have several.
    • Loki and Tony argue over which of them has been a worse influence on the Twins, ultimately settling on a 55-45 split. Though Loki admits the Twins already had plenty of mischief in them and that he and Tony just encouraged it. As Thor states, that's what worries him.
  • Thor tells Harry that the latter is a mighty warrior, with people singing songs of his deeds across the Nine Realms.
  • Pepper has, apparently, been indulging her maternal instincts by making everyone wear sunscreen. Including Volstagg. Who literally doesn't even need it and is consequently rather baffled.
  • Chapter 3 starts off with the twins bickering about which of them is more attractive; Carol's attempt to stop them by pointing out they're identical and both sort of hot doesn't work and just winds up with them jokily flirting with her, leading to threats to strangle them with their own intestines.
  • When Clint suggests grabbing Strange, turning him upside-down, and shaking him until all the secrets fall out, Natasha's utterly deadpan response?
    No point. It would take weeks to find anything useful.
    • Becomes a Brick Joke in Chapter 22, when Thor does just that.
  • Strange also teleports from one room to another, for the sole purpose of sneaking up behind and Trolling the Avengers. It's noted by the Lemony Narrator that "like the Laws of Nature, doors and the linear progression from point A to point B in general were something Strange considered to be beneath his dignity."
  • Chapter 5 is a lighter one, with several moments:
  • Chapter 6 is also, mostly, a lighter chapter.
    • When the subject of Doctor Strange is brought up to the not-entirely clued in Grey family...
      Elaine Grey: Doctor who?
      Harry felt that he deserved a medal for maintaining his poker face.
    • Harry Comically Missing the Point after the subject of the mysterious telepath who ensured that he remained at Privet Drive comes up.
      Harry: He probably hasn't bothered her [Jean] because of Professor Xavier. Now? Whoever he is, Jean would probably send him running. And me? I honestly hope he tries.
      Elaine: Well, I hope he doesn't.
      Harry: I've gone mind to mind with worse and won.
      Jean: That wasn't what mom meant, Harry. *telepathic interlude wherein she explains that her mother was worried about him*
      Harry: Oh. Uh, sorry about that, Mrs Grey. My temper got the better of me.
    • Harry and Jean bantering in general, and her messing with his hair.
    • Tony and Alison 'Aunt Ali' Carter's interactions are priceless, especially since Tony seems to regress to a sulky teenager.
      Tony: You're looking pretty good yourself, Aunt Ali. So good that people are going to stop believing you about your age. I'm telling you, these days SHIELD have masks that can imitate faces perfectly and anything they can do, I can do better.
      Alison: Tony.
      Tony: It'll save you so much time in the mornings.
      Alison: You know that I don't like the idea of going out with my face behind a mask. Besides, the face isn't the only place that shows ageing.
      Alison: *eyeroll* You're worse than your father.
      Tony: I know. My back-up plan if the Arc reactor I've worked in to the Mansion's power systems ever fails is to power everything through the rotary motion of dad spinning in his grave.
    • And when Tony expresses surprise that she knows that Steve is her dad, her response is very dry.
      Alison: Darling, I can comfortably bench press any of those fancy sports cars you own, I've never been ill, I haven't aged since my late twenties, I was born in 1945, my 'sister' was twenty five years older than me and most famous, unfortunately, for being Captain America's lost love - and speaking of whom, I happen to look rather a lot like him. It really wasn't that difficult to figure out. In any case, mum told me when I was eight.
    • And a little later...
      Alison: I have my sources.
      Tony: You're supposed to be retired.
      Alison: The main reason I retired was my age. Specifically, how I wasn't showing it. And even though I had retired from field ops, the wrong people were starting to take an interest in that fact - something made all the more disquieting in retrospect by the fact that most of them turned out to be HYDRA Agents. One of them was Alexander Pierce, a snake of a man if there ever was one. He was preparing his protégé, the then Agent Nicholas Fury, to assume the Directorship and since I was one of the other candidates, he was watching me carefully. I decided to settle into a more sedentary semi-retired role, mentoring Fury, and retiring in full once he took the role, and sooner rather than later, Pierce's gaze turned away. (Beat) Besides, retirement is boring.
      [...]
      Alison: But that's quite enough talking shop. You, Anthony Edward Stark, have a baby to introduce to me.
      Tony: Why did you have to full name me?
      Alison: Because it's a reliable method of making you pay attention, one of very few, and even fewer that I care to use. Now, chop-chop.
  • When he hears that SHIELD used to have a daycare, Tony incredulously asks if the people in charge were called Agents of D.I.A.P.E.R.
  • Chapter 7 is largely the catching up episode and ends on a dark cliffhanger, but there's some funny bits in there.
    • Hermione's reaction to meeting Bucky (not knowing about the whole Winter Soldier thing) and Harry's puzzlement at said reaction - as Carol notes, he's just got used to hanging around living legends.
    • And Bucky's explanation for why he's bodyguarding and the responses.
      Bucky: It's [bodyguarding Harry] a way to help get me back in the world again. And keep an eye on a couple of dumb kids who couldn't keep out of trouble if you paid them. It's something I have a little experience with.
      Carol: A couple?
      Bucky: Sure. Jean-Paul's got common sense. You two don't. And before you protest, Carol, I have a list of reasons.
    • Harry actually winds up pouting.
      Bucky: Don't bother. Tony's better at it than you are.
    • A blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, but Hermione's internal monologue about how Harry's friends are like the Golden Trio... but the Trio, of course, don't have any UST whatsoever.
    • Apparently, during the War, Howard Stark was prone to taking apart captured wands to try and find batteries and circuits, much to Ollivander's irritation.
    • The Hurricane of Puns that is Diagon Alley and its surrounding streets.
    • Jean-Paul claims that muggles have a tablet that does just what certain magical incenses do; cause an out of body experience. It's called LSD.
    • Harry's black humoured response to Hermione's sympathy over the fact that the latest prophecy about him is a list of would-be murderers.
      Harry: Yeah, well, what would life be like without a murder attempt here and there to liven things up?
      Carol: Boring. Normal, but boring.
    • And just after, Harry tries to suspend disbelief too far.
      Harry: ... Much.
    • Dudley's old gang are staring down Harry, who's telling them to Bring It, having flattened their leader without using his powers. Carol simply wonders aloud where she can get popcorn in Little Whinging.
  • Chapter 8 is mostly a combat chapter, but still has a few moments:
    • Carol meets the new Black Widow, Yelena Belova, and takes to mocking her pretensions to being the true Black Widow by calling her "Black Rip-Off", and snarking that she's like a little girl dressing up in her mother's clothes.
    • There's something hilarious both in Dudley Dursley being the Blob in this universe, and him uttering Superboy-Prime's infamous line "I'll kill you! I'll kill you to death!"
    • Harry is fighting a Red Room mook in an ersatz Iron Man suit, who tries to cut Harry with a machete.
      Harry: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with knives? (mook stares in confusion) It's a joke about... oh, forget it, it probably wouldn't work in Russian.
    • Harry shows up to rescue Carol, and they immediately get into the usual Casual Danger Dialogue/Flirting Under Fire, much to the confusion of the other prisoners.
      Noriko: Do you always talk this much when there's more important things to do?
      Harry and Carol: ... No.
  • While Chapter 9 is mostly a dark, serious chapter, there's a few moments.
    • Clint snarking once again that it can always get worse.
    • An understandably furious Jean literally going through the roof when she hears about Harry's kidnap and actually levitating off the floor in order to scream in Steve's face, doing so loudly enough that the patient Steve is left with a persistent ringing sound in his ears.
  • Chapter 10 is mostly dark and wall-to-wall action, but it has its moments.
    • Jack O'Neill's response to Carol's incredulous question of what he's doing there.
      Seeing the sights.
    • And when Carol explains that the psychic turbulence caused by Harry and Maddie's battle is actually intentional (just not the whole giving the world a Psychic Nosebleed part) to get the Avengers' attention...
      Jack: Well, he managed that. I mean, he's given the entire world a lobotomy in the process, but he got our attention.
    • And Alison being unfazed by the psychic battle, the World Gone Mad, and the insane ghost-monsters running around, treating it all as if it's mildly interesting day out.
    • Carol continuing to be just a bit charmed by Gambit, inwardly observing that his smile should either be banned by the Geneva Convention or put on display in a museum.
    • Carol dubbing Jean's glowing form (as she holds off the psychic turbulence) 'Miss Night-Light'. And Kurt's response to Jean blocking it out.
      Kurt: I vas vondering vhy I could feel my head again. Danke schon, fraulein.
    • Even in the midst of a World Gone Mad, Carol has time to have a bit of Parental Sexuality Squick over the fact that Noriko's got a little bit of a crush on Carol's uncle, resident Silver Fox, Jack O'Neill.
    • The Off Screen Moment Of Awesome/Noodle Incident of Dresden and Wanda fighting tentacle demons in Japan, tentacle demons apparently summoned by a coven of magically inclined Otaku with the wrong magic book, with Dresden making 'unspeakable jokes about sushi and Japanese pornography' and Wanda inwardly complaining about the amount of impervious to magic gunk that wound up all over her and in her hair, which she didn't get the chance to wash out before Harry's little psychic brawl got started.
    • Maddie/Rachel being increasingly frustrated by Harry's refusal to engage in standard psychic combat, which often involves metaphor. Examples include his responding to playing chess by rolling dice and responding to a duel in knightly armour by parrying or avoiding every blow while quoting The Princess Bride, and finally, getting out of a ludicrous construct death trap 'which would shame any cheesy spy franchise worth the name' with a sonic screwdriver.
    • And Kurt again, on seeing Blob!Dudley a.k.a. the Beast and hearing that he's Harry's cousin.
      Kurt: Vell, I can see who got zer looks in zer family.
    • Carol while whipping up a plan asks Lorna and Noriko if they can control lightning.
      Noriko: Do I look like Thor?
      Carol: No, you don't have the killer abs.
    • Maddie tries illusions on Harry. His response is basically summed up as 'Lol, nope'.
      I'm the nephew of the god who wrote the book on illusions. Did you really think that I was going to fall for that?
    • Harry complaining that as the son of the God of Thunder and Lightning, he should be the one throwing lightning around, not Maddie - or at least, he should find it easier to deal with.
    • Harry being mildly puzzled by the fact that he and Maddie have been dragged into some sort of joint mindscape reminiscent of the Gryffindor Common Room, but having Seen It All, just rolling with the weirdness and happily chatting to Maddie, who's increasingly confused, both by her surroundings and Harry's friendliness.
    • And just before Harry chases after Maddie, back into the vanishing Red Room, he apologises to Wanda.
      Harry: Sorry. Got to go fulfil a prophecy. And save a girl. Bit of both.
    • In a meta way, the author mentioning that the Avengers are going through the Red Room agents "like a hot knife through an overused cliché."
  • In chapter 11, Alison reveals that Jack O'Neill, when he was young, watched The Princess Bride post-break up. He sulkily complains that he was watching it for the fight scenes and the jokes. No one is fooled.
  • Chapter 12 is a very dark chapter, by and large, but it has moments.
    • In a dark sort of way, both the twisted morals ascribed to the various Hans Christian Andersen fairytales by Essex, and the sheer mental image of coldly scientific Uncanny Valley villain Essex reading fairy-stories to an attentive Maddie.
    • Maddie basically arguing with Mjolnir, an inanimate object.
    • In the flashback, Harry sniping at Essex, then spitting in his face after the latter has gone on an extended monologue, and the latter's exasperated reaction.
    • A Black Comedy moment, but after the flashback ends, Harry remarks:
      Harry: That was about when the torture started. You'd almost think I'd annoyed him.
    • Carol's response to Coulson's after action report request to start at the beginning.
    • When the story runs through how the younger kids know how strong Jean is and how she's stronger than Harry.
      As for Carol, she'd seen both Harry and Jean going all out, and could draw her own conclusions just fine, thank you very much.
    • Harry being described as having "more issues than the New Scientist".
    • "Transdimensional thingummy-whatsits."
    • After Diana has come up with a particularly good idea.
      Jean and Carol: Diana, you're a genius!
      Diana: I know.
    • Due to the In Medias Res presentation of the chapter, it cuts from Frigga making a spine-chilling threat/promise to...
      Carol: So, yeah, Harry's grandma is kind of terrifying. Who knew?
      Coulson: It is fairly logical to expect the woman who raised Thor and Loki to be every bit as formidable as they are, and more besides.
      Carol: Good point.
    • While the circumstances are horrifying, there is something hilarious about Volodya, the Russian President, arriving to a meeting with heavily armed psychically protected goons, attack helicopters a kilometre out, and ground attack aircraft about twenty kilometres out, while Lukin rocks up with a pistol, Belova, and the Red Son, the latter of whom is dressed as a standard grunt and carrying a tray with a couple of glasses of vodka on it.
  • Jono teaching Maddie sexual humour (she apparently got the basics from Remy), and the latter's later responding in kind.
  • Maddie's lampshading how Jono constantly says "Bloody hell."
  • When ambushed by the Winter Guard, Natasha has a beer and coolly informs them that "this is what's known as a trap."
  • When Jono asks Strange how he knows about Maddie's plan, Strange replies that normally, knowing things is what he does. In this case, it was mostly a matter of deduction, aided by the fact that he knows things.
  • Essex later gives the kind of smile "usually seen either in boardrooms or on sharks."
  • Harry Dresden is back, and his snark is in as fine form as ever. Gems include:
  • Worried about her godson and boyfriend, Wanda saves time by yelling, "Harry!"
  • In chapter 15, when Harry snaps, goes all Dark-Phoenix-y, and plans to execute Lukin and the rest, Carol interrupts his Then Let Me Be Evil tirade with the following immortal phrase that cuts his rant off at the knees:
    Oh my god, you total fucking drama queen.
  • After his traumatic experiences, Carol curls up with Harry and gives Frigga a baleful glare when it looks like he's going to be disturbed. Frigga, totally unfazed, just mentally files this away under "Reasons That My Grandson Is Probably Going To Marry A Midgardian."
  • While he's sleeping, Harry is visited by some nice man who wants to help him, and shows he's trustworthy by unveiling his divine nature to Harry - whose reaction is a very apropos "Jesus fucking Christ!"
  • Muninn and Huginn fiercely defend Harry in front of the Skyfathers' Council with their most impassioned speech. In very thick Brooklyn accents. The main result is absolute bafflement.
    Ra: *Beat* I think I understood about half of that.
  • When the White Council demands Dumbledore explain Harry's connection to the Red Son incident, he responds with a letter which Dresden realises is a very politely worded "go fuck yourself"... and which ends with a post-script containing something very important: a recipe for eel pie that the Merlin likes.
  • Crazy!Strange is, in between being deeply unnerving and his terrifying mood swings, rather funny in a Cloud Cuckoo Lander sort of way - who else would address freaking Ra, a falcon-headed Skyfather treated with respect by all his peers, "Your featheriness"?
    • Indeed, there's something rather darkly hilarious about the sheer audacity of Strange's latest gambit: use the Tesseract to kidnap the entire Council Elite, bring them to the Rock of Eternity, which is basically the original Demonreach (Demonreach was based on the notes Agamotto made on the creation of the Rock of Eternity) dialled Up to Eleven, give them an absolutely scathing "The Reason You Suck" Speech, and tell them that either they'll actively assist his plans, stay out of his way, or they'll be trapped there and be used "as a gigantic fucking battery."
  • Jono's (quite accurate) title for the above: "The Scary Bugger Supreme."
  • According to Loki, one of the many side effects from Chthon's temporary emergence in the last book is that Australia's vast amount of extinct giant super dangerous wildlife has been restored and joined the present-day small and medium sized super dangerous wildlife. And the general reaction from the Australian populace is joy, with many attempts to find out how the previously extinct animals taste barbecued.
    • Further, one or two Aussie reviewers actually admitted that this is more or less what would actually happen under such circumstances.
  • When Harry and his absence from Hogwarts is discussed by Ron, Hermione, and the Twins, Ron - who saw Harry's memory of the aged-up Carol during the Pensieve Incident back in Child of the Storm - gets a Crush Blush and the Twins riff off it mercilessly.
    Fred: Do my eyes deceive me, or does ickle Ronniekins have a crush, George?
    George: I think he does, Fred.
    Fred: Well, we can't fault your taste, Ron, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.
    George: She's only got eyes for Harry.
    Fred: And he's only got eyes for her.
    George: Getting them to admit it is the fun part – they're in denial, you see.
    Fred: Even still, we're expecting a happy announcement any day now.
    Ron: Like a wedding?
  • The thoroughly adult and responsible Jean is, despite temptation, scrupulous about not abusing her powers. With the exception of the occasional, very childish, and deeply satisfying discreet telekinetic wedgie.
  • When Maddie innocently assumes that Scott is her boyfriend, Jean vehemently denies it. Maddie's immediate response is an imitation of Jono: "'Luv, this brain does not lie.'"
    • When Jean continues to deny it, mentioning her current boyfriend Duncan Matthews, Maddie considers this. Then she asks that if Jean doesn't want him, can she have him?
    • Jean being repeatedly internally distracted by Gambit's sexy, despite reminding herself that she has a boyfriend.
    • Her internal monologue describes one particular smile of his as being one of his 'I-am-gorgeous-and-charming-and-you-love-me' smiles.
  • Upon Frigga's remark that humanity's theorised alteration by Yggdrasil is to make them "uniquely able to incorporate outside influences into their DNA," Harry snarks, "Is that what they're calling it now?" Cue Thor and Loki looking at each other and saying in unison, "Tony's fault." Odin, meanwhile, looks disapproving, and Strange is barely suppressing gales of laughter.
    • Strange's follow-up is even better.
      Strange: Think of humanity as reality's universal adapter. Find the right socket, and any plug will do.
      Loki: That was tasteless.
      Strange: But true. It's a gift.
    • Which leads to Odin irritably asking if Strange is there for any purpose other than making smart remarks.
    • In the following chapter, he notes that he winds up Odin because it's the prerogative of the old to tease the young (which, in comparison to him, Odin actually is)... and because he thinks it's funny.
  • Harry's response to being told by Strange that eventually he's going to have to face Thanos, with a brief summary of how horrifying Thanos is.
    Wonderful. Thanks for the heads up. I'll put it in my diary - maybe I can fit him in between Voldemort and myself as a galaxy eating cosmic abomination.
  • Strange, naturally, is equal to this, after a raised eyebrow.
    Well, as both a medical professional and a Master of the Mystic Arts, I must say that it is nice to know that your capacity for sarcasm remains undiminished, and, indeed, a constant of the universe.
  • Harry Dresden reads The Daily Prophet mainly for the moving pictures, the novelty value, and the crossword.
  • Also, on the events leading to Surtur's imprisonment.
    Thor: Why do I have the feeling you had something to do with [Ván becoming sentient]?
  • And Strange's remark on his reputation.
    Contrary to carefully cultivated popular opinion, I do not, in fact, know everything.
  • When trying to explain something involving the Time Stone, he waves it away.
    Strange: Don't ask. Explaining temporal physics to neophytes is difficult enough to begin with, and it would be considerably more so in this particular scenario.
    Thor: Neophytes?
    Strange: I am at least two hundred times your age, Thor Odinson. Be glad that I am not calling you a child.
  • Upon hearing that he's going to have Strange as a mentor, Harry asks what Strange is going to teach him.
    Strange: Magic.
  • And after all he's been told about Thanos and Surtur and his role in events, Harry comments that dourly the only reason he knows it isn't a dream is that even his subconscious doesn't hate him this much. Strange breezily tells him that he'll get used to it.
    Harry: Oh. Lovely. Something to look forward to.
  • Upon calling Harry "Carol's young man," Carol protests. Alison responds innocently that it was merely a turn of phrase, she was "just saying" that Harry is Tall, Dark, and Handsome, and of course she knows that Carol only followed Harry into HYDRA's base and talked him down during his Dark Phoenix rampage because they're Just Friends. Of course.
  • A little Self-Deprecation, both meta and otherwise: Strange's original name was Gwion ap Gwreang, a Welsh name. He comments that "all those who don't speak Welsh and have bad head colds are excused from trying to pronounce it." The speaker and the author are both Welsh.
  • After getting hugs from Wanda and Diana, Strange tells Thor and Loki that if they're planning to hug him as well, to please be careful of his ribs.
  • Harry's Dynamic Entry to Hogwarts: Slamming open the double doors to the Great Hall, causing everyone to be quiet and look up. He walks in and says, "Sorry, am I late?"
    • He then strides across the floor, boots drumming, drawing every eye in the room...and asks if there's any chicken left. It's just such a hilariously normal question after all he's been through over the past fifteen chapters or so.
  • Professor Bach a.k.a. Doctor Strange in disguise discusses summoning rituals, noting that if you do them wrong, and you're very fortunate, you can try again. If you're less fortunate, you may have a problem on your hands, depending on the benevolence of the being in question. If you're completely unsuccessful... well, "being born is the traditional next step."
  • When discussing famous magical musicians later in the class, there's a nice bit of Dramatic Irony when Hermione mentions Taliesin to Professor Bach. Strangely enough, they have the exact same name.
  • It turns out that the Old Kingdom series actually exists in-universe, and was based off Nix overhearing a discussion in a pub about a Australian Warden who used bells as foci. The White Council were not pleased. Bach, on the other hand, plainly thinks it's hilarious.
  • Uhtred and Diana come to visit Harry at Hogwarts, and announce themselves by means of her flying him up to the classroom window to knock and announce them by shouting "Found you!" Harry promptly introduces his head to his desk.
  • When he hears that Doctor Strange is at Hogwarts in disguise, Ron correctly deduces that he must be one of the new professors, then has a brief moment of horrified trepidation.
  • The Running Gag of blaming Tony (and Howard) for the corruption of the younger generation has gotten so bad that Bucky, Natasha, and Clint theorize that the Starks aren't a family: They're an infectious disease.
  • Bucky notes, in a discussion about the Air-Vent Passageway, that people would be amazed at how many HYDRA bases he's broken into that way, a point he's apparently previously made to Harry. Harry, however, prefers making his own doorways. Or using Doctor Strange as a chauffeur. As he loftily puts it:
    "One makes a statement, the other is economical."
  • Over at the Xavier Institute, the snark flows as freely as ever. Hank gathers the staff together and asks for their opinions on something, which will hopefully prove that he's not mad.
    Logan: 'Round here? Who'd notice the difference?
  • The following bit of conversation, in which Diana and Hermione pretend to completely misunderstand Harry:
    Harry: Diana, you can tell better than pretty much anyone that I think about Ron and Carol in very different ways.
    Hermione: Oh? Has something happened between the two of you that I've missed?
    Harry: What? No, no, we're just friends.
    Hermione: Then if you're just friends with Carol, that raises the question about your feelings for Ron. Is there something you want to tell me, Harry?
  • A Running Gag in the canon Harry Potter books was the inedible nature of Hagrid's rock cakes. Even Diana can only politely force down one, before refusing more with a wan smile. Uhtred, however, wolfs them down and declares them to be delicious, to the barely veiled incredulity of everyone else present.
  • Dumbledore pulling a Stealth Hi/Bye on Harry's group, causing all of them (except Bucky) to jump in surprise. Which in Diana's case is noted as being about 15 feet into the air.
  • He then tells Harry that he wants to talk to him after dinner. Harry's automatic response?
    Whatever it is, Professor, I didn't do it.
  • Draco's lampshading of all of the Contrived Coincidences in Harry's life:
    Draco: Harry, Doctor Strange is heavily involved in your life. I am not sure if, for you, coincidence still exists.
    • Strange, naturally, seems to find this hilarious.
  • When Dracula is introduced, it's mentioned that he owns several homes, and that almost none of them are stereotypical isolated Gothic castles whose hallways are filled with cobwebs, candles, and shambling servants named either Igor or Renfield. They're conspicuous, and they leak (the homes, that is, not the servants. One hopes).
  • The author cheerfully lampshading his habit of trying to put too much in one chapter.
  • Upon meeting Magneto again, Harry's first remark is that at least it's going better than their last meeting.
  • Xavier delivers a savage "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Essex. The lead in, however, is downright hilarious, carrying shades of Luke Skywalker and the Tenth Doctor.
    Xavier: Remarkable.
    Essex: Remarkable?
    Xavier: You are. You are a brilliant scientist, Essex and a powerful telepath. You have, by your own account, worked with the likes of Weapon X and the Red Room for decades. You have accrued a level of knowledge and experience that is perhaps unparalleled. But for all that brilliance, after all that time, there is one truly remarkable thing about you, which surpasses all others.
    Essex: What is that?
    Xavier: You are extraordinarily stupid.
    Essex: ...What?
    Xavier: *cheerful* Ignorant on a scale that beggars belief.
  • When Strange tells him that he'll see Harry in the entrance hall at eight, Harry asks if Strange wants him awake, dressed, and ready to go at eight, he's foreseen that Harry will be there at eight, or whether he'll find himself there at eight whether or not he wants to, no matter what state of dress he's in, and whether or not he's even awake. Strange, naturally, declines to answer.
  • Strange tells Harry that while he would be happy to take Harry into the past or future for a lesson, he draws the line at building a TARDIS. Which, as Harry notes, implies that he could.
  • Magneto's entirely deadpan Shout-Out: "Curses. Foiled again. If only if it wasn't for you, you meddling child." Like the Zemo example above, not only is the quote itself funny, but even funnier is the idea that The Dreaded Living Legend is also familiar with a children's TV show.
    • Crossing over with Heartwarming Moments, he's had Ruth's room decorated and filled with the sort of things that a 12 year old girl would like. Which leaves one with the logical question of: considering that the status of her family is unknown, where did all that stuff come from?
  • In the aftermath of Harry telling Hermione and Ron about the Red Son and Dark Phoenix, Doctor Strange decided to give him a book to express his opinion on how he did it: "Blood Magic for Morons".
    • In typical Strange fashion, the book was presumably written and given well before Harry had actually done the deed.
  • Harry has a half-hour long conversation with Carol about his worries over how Hermione and Ron are going to take his revelations and about his dark side, and Carol tells him he ought not to put himself down so much. Then she reveals Harry had accidentally made it a video call, which means she has been seeing his ear for the entire conversation.
  • Harry, while learning about vampires and training with Bucky and Magneto, is so busy that even Hermione whole-heartedly approves of his taking constructive breaks. Then it turns out that his idea of "constructive breaks" is setting up nightly marathons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and getting all of Gryffindor House addicted.
    • This also prompts Harry to call her Willow. Hermione replies that he's more of a Buffy, and points that the best fit for Angel is Bucky. Harry replies he fits the Angel model too, and Hermione fires back with "Which leaves Carol as your Buffy, I suppose?" Harry promptly, and wisely, shuts up.
      • There's also the Insane Troll Logic that he uses to try and justify his watching Buffy, including quoting The Princess Bride and the fact that it has "vampire" in the title. Hermione isn't having any of it.
      • And then it turns out that this logic was actually justified, as Wanda points out that it actually is relevant - it depicts Grey Court vampires remarkably accurately in terms of abilities, knack for blending in with humanity, and mixing of technology and mysticism (something that embraces Red Court vampires too), accurately enough that both the Grey and Red Courts tried to prevent it from ever being made. Which led to Wanda stopping them and serving as a technical consultant. Harry is gobsmacked by both of these, admitting that he really hadn't thought it through that far.
    • Additionally, the idea of Wanda first protecting the cast and directors of Buffy the Vampire Slayer from actual vampires, then helping to produce Buffy and serving as a technical adviser is pretty funny in itself.
  • When Ron and Hermione get into their argument du jour over Fleur's effect on the former, Harry briefly considers telling them to get a room, but chooses not to, seeing that Hermione would probably try to flay him alive.
  • Harry falls asleep on the Great Hall table, and Ron, trying to catch his attention, elbows him. Five minutes later, Dumbledore and McGonagall are cleaning themselves up, "Professor Bach" is almost crying with laughter, several students are in certainly strange states (including Seamus Finnegan regrowing his eyebrows for the seventeenth time), and McGonagall icily points out she knows Dumbledore took advantage of the chaos to send a tidal wave of jam at Cornelius Fudge. Dumbledore looks "conspicuously and suspiciously innocent."
    • The fact that Seamus has already had to regrow his eyebrows seventeen times in a little under two months.
  • Harry indirectly alludes to the brief dismembering of Gravemoss in the finale of Child of the Storm and how he got the strategy from Buffy. Hermione considers this a step too far, even for him. His reply is golden:
    Harry: Hermione. I realise that you may have trouble believing it, but just ask yourself one question: Am I mad enough to use a strategy from a tv show to defeat – or rather, temporarily dismember – an insane elven necromancer as powerful as my uncle, who was well on the way to becoming the host to an Eldritch Abomination?
    Hermione: ... God help me, you are.
    Harry: Told you. And it worked, by the way. Granted, all we really managed was to make him someone else's problem, but I'm reliably informed that Wanda's boyfriend, Harry Dresden, accidentally forged a bit of his soul into a magic holy lightsabre and cut off the necromancer's arm. Permanently, I mean. He kept growing them back, before.
    Hermione: ...
    Harry: What? It happened. Wanda told me and Rhodey, Colonel Rhodes, confirmed it. Admittedly, Rhodey looked a bit like he wanted to drink until he forgot how insane his life was, but Tony says he usually looks like that, so it's okay.
    Hermione: I'm just amazed you managed to say that with a straight face.
    Harry: Natasha taught me. It's a useful skill.
    Hermione: I'm sure.
  • Harry warns his fellow students that if anyone enters his name in the Goblet of Fire, he will ensure that they spend the rest of their lives thinking they're a five-year-old girl. And he'll get Ginny to braid their hair.
  • Harry's reaction when his name comes out as the fourth champion in the Triwizard Tournament. It's implied to be less surprise, and more disgust and weary resignation.
    Harry Thorson: Oh, for fuck's sake.
  • Carol seems to have picked up her great-grandpa's "I-am-Captain-America-and-shit-is-getting-real-so-do-as-I-say" voice.
  • A little later, she makes the inevitable pun:
    Stevie: Oh, you're not serious.
    Carol: Nah. Sirius is a guy.
  • The above is in reference to how she's about to hurdle the turnstiles while trying to escape from Dracula's strike team, and whilst carrying Stevie in one arm. At the same time, Stevie's reactions to the more insane parts of the escape attempt are pure gold.
    Whyyyyyyyyyyyohgodohgodareyoucrazy?!
    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaohgodnotagain!
  • The reactions of the Wardens to discovering that Wanda is Dresden's girlfriend is good for a laugh in - and out - of universe. While Yoshimo almost chokes on her beer, Kowalski stares in astonishment and Ramirez lets out a low whistle, Morgan goes completely white and looks like he's having a stroke.
    Dresden: I didn't laugh in his face. Much.
  • Carol's interrupting of Syrus' rant about people all being owned by someone or something else is a subtly awesome moment, but it's also hilarious that she dismisses it as his "evil hipster riff."
  • When Hermione and Ron are trying to insist that they come along with Harry and Bucky to rescue Carol, Harry casually reveals that they've already left, and the other two are talking to a mental illusion.
  • Stevie, upon seeing a series of explosions, asks what the hell that was, and is answered in typical Deadpan Snarker fashion.
    Gambit: That the hell was me, mon petit.
  • Upon hearing that Dracula is coming for her, Carol immediately insists that she go somewhere that no one else will get hurt. Harry points out that if he were to say that, she would tell him that he's being stupid, that Chronic Hero Syndrome is his shtick, and to stop infringing.
  • Uhtred and Diana seem to be developing a bit of a Straight Man and Wise Guy dynamic, while Carol is the Only Sane Woman:
    Carol: *to Gambit* So. Who've you brought to the party?
    Carol: *sighs* Never mind. I think I've guessed.
  • Dresden's neat summary of events on his end, between his meeting the Wardens and Wanda at Mac's, and his being ambushed by Grevane, then beaten up/semi-tortured by Cassius, divvying things up into 'Good', 'Bad', and 'Bad. So very, very Bad'.
  • When discussing Harry Dresden's plan to raise an undead T-rex, Magneto notes that while it's a pretty good idea, it's also completely insane.
    Magneto: Which is not a criticism, you understand.
    Dresden: From you, that's not as reassuring as it was probably intended to be.
  • Peter Parker, turned into a part-vampire but now free of Dracula's control, begins asking questions about what kind of vampire he is (and begs to be told it's not the Twilight kind). Upon being told Buffy is the best comparison, he's relieved, then asks if he has to wear black and be broody.
    • Note that all this is happening during the middle of a fight with the other vampires.
      Vampire: Do. You. Ever. Shut. Up?!
      Harry: I don't really know him that well, but I'm guessing not.
    • At the same time, Harry internally notes that while most people are amazed at Peter's capacity for gabbling, most telepaths would be amazed that he doesn't gabble even more.
    • When Peter says he feels reassured by the fact that Harry has a plan, Diana snarks that if he knew anything about Harry's plans, he wouldn't be.
    • Harry then zooms off in a rage when he senses vampire!Dudley attacking the others.
  • One of the Grey Court vampires tries attacking Harry with a lightning blast, following that up with trying to hit him with a sledgehammer. Harry notes that a vampire trying to attack him straight on, with a hammer and lightning of all things, means that either they have a terrible sense of humour, they have the worst luck in the world (which, coming from Harry is saying something), or they're extraordinarily stupid and arrogant.
  • Wanda sees Corpsetaker's attempted Car Fu sneak-attack against the Wardens, but Cowl using the distraction to sucker-punch her means that she's too woozy to do anything. She then sees Sue the Zombie T-Rex crush the car and devour its ghoul driver, something that even for someone who's more or less Seen It All and functions as a general Only Sane Woman, is a bit of a shock - she has to pinch herself to make sure she isn't seeing things. And even then...
    Wanda: This is it. It's finally happened. I've finally gone completely mad.
    • A Zombie T-Rex is awesome. A polka-powered Zombie T-Rex is awesome and hilarious.
    • And once she's got a little composure back...
      Wanda: When I suggested you upgrade your car, this isn't quite what I had in mind.
  • Harry Dresden, slayer of dragons, let us hear your fearsome battle-cry, "noble and stirring to the blood, fearsome to the enemy:"
    Dresden: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
  • While fighting Voldemort:
    Dresden: So, what brings you to my fair city, your lordship? The weather? The architecture? The world-renowned deep-dish pizza?
    Voldemort: Oh, nothing much. Merely ensuring that my mistress achieves her goals.
    Dresden: So, wait, you're her lackey? Man, that's a step down from being the terror of Britain. Or, you know, terror of the bits that had actually heard of you.
  • His name for the necromancers: Sergeant Kemmler's Lonely Hearts Club Band. This is also canon, believe it or not.
  • Apparently, Strange made Wanda memorise the Evil Overlord List. Dresden speculates that he might have written it.
  • When Morgan asks for news about the battleground, Dresden sheepishly admits Selene ate his dinosaur. Morgan visibly struggles to stave a headache as he mutters "Christ, what a world we live in now".
  • Alison (and Bucky) continue their fine tradition of Casual Danger Dialogue in the midst of fighting eldritch horrors, as does Harry.
    Dracula: You think this is a JOKE?! Do you have any idea how long I waited for this chance, how carefully I planned, what it has cost me to arrange this?!
    Harry: Respectively, yes. No. No. Don't care.
  • When Carol accidentally hurts Harry's wounded shoulder, he snarks that it's okay, he's got a spare one.
  • While tracking a panicking Gambit on a train, the group of Harry, Carol, Steve, Thor and Wanda are all crowded into a single Economy class car. Carol ends up elbowing Steve repeatedly while squirming for more room, including in one spot that has Harry and Thor wincing in sympathy.
    • Wanda, meanwhile, is calmly reading a book and, on hearing this, tells them to 'play nicely' without even looking up.
    • When Jesus is revealed to have tagged along, Carol laughs in disbelief until she realizes it's really who she thinks it is.
    • Jesus refers to the banter between Harry and Carol as flirting. They both deny it, complaining how no one ever listens to their denials. Steve responds that they do listen, they just don't believe them.
  • According to Wanda, back when she was a teenager she was really into West Side Story, but couldn't go to a live performance due to her Power Incontinence at the time. Eventually, as a present, Strange arranged for their own private live performance by calling in some favours from the Sidhe, blackmailing some demons, and used Mindless Ones as the backup dancers - the latter a direct homage to the 'Dance, critters' scene from Next Wave. Upon hearing this Harry, who admits that by now nothing really catches him off guard anymore, can only stare in disbelief.
  • Carol helps Gambit a little, then says, a little too quickly, that he shouldn't go thinking that she has a soft spot for him, because she doesn't. He smiles, she blushes furiously, and Steve's eyes narrow.
    • Gambit then turns on the charm. Carol's blush reaches her ears.
      "Then I would like t’ thank y’ f’r both th’ saved time an’ idiocy, one a commodity all too rare, the other a problem far too common. An’ as f’r dat soft spot, cherie, I know. In fact, ah know which young man does, which leads me to say this: the young man who has that… why, I’d say that death an’ despair be damned, he’s one of de luckiest men in de whole wide world.”
  • Harry finding out that his Cool Sword (which he later dubs Curtana) has got an upgrade, and not only that, but an upgrade intentionally modelled on the original Excalibur (there were two. One was the Sword in the Stone, the other was Amoracchius) by Strange, and being a King Arthur nerd, trying and failing not to geek out over it.
    • In the midst of this discussion, Loki notes that the ultimate fate of the Sword in the Stone/the original Excalibur is unknown, giving various theories, before noting sourly that there is also every chance that Strange is either keeping it in his umbrella stand (as Dresden is keeping Fidelacchius), or using it as poker. Harry, knowing Strange, is not surprised. Uhtred, on the other hand, is horrified at the very prospect.
    • Loki's dry proposed summary of the complexities of what happened to Harry's sword.
      'Dracula stabbed me with my own sword and struck me with lightning, now it's a magic sword, and it's all Strange's fault.'
    • One reviewer quite accurately remarked that 'and it's all Strange's fault' could serve as an apt summary for all the events of the series so far.
  • Harry is mulling over potential names for his sword. Carol eyes his shoulder, where Dracula stabbed him, and suggests he calls it 'Kebab.' Harry vetoes it.
    No. It will be a good name. A serious name. Because Names are Important. *grumpy pause* And most of the good ones are taken.
  • The Avengers Mansion gym is Bigger on the Inside, and contains a specially designed boxing ring/gladiatorial arena, primarily for sparring matches between Thor and the Hulk. Pepper apparently had to veto Darcy and Clint's plans to a) sell tickets, b) start up a superpowered version of UFC and sell the rights to HBO.
  • Jean-Paul, ahem, enjoys the sight of Uhtred with an Eye Patch Of Power. According to Diana, he started drooling the first time he saw it. Jean-Paul rather haughtily complains that it was a justified reaction.
  • Harry and Uhtred go shirtless for a sparring match, Carol gives an intentionally bad summary ("You and Uhtred get sweaty together, Diana judges your technique, and me and Jean-Paul enjoy the view"). Harry quickly gets his own back.
    Harry: Sure. If it makes you happy. *conjures handkerchief* Here: for when you start drooling.
  • After the sparring match is finished, and Diana assesses Harry's skills, Thor steps in and agrees, before adding assessments of Uhtred and Diana's methods, and offering to teach them, Carol, and Jean-Paul the basics (as the latter two can't just rely on their shield/speed), leading to this.
    Carol: I'm in. But I'm keeping my shirt on.
    Harry: Damn.
    • It's then noted that Harry's tone, while dry, doesn't quite conceal a hint of disappointment, and Uhtred and Diana's respective expressions indicate that he's not alone in this - and Jean-Paul and Carol's indicate that they've noticed. Cue Thor remarking drily that "Shirtlessness is not mandatory", and Harry and Carol blushing horribly as they realise they've been Really-Absolutely-Definitely-Not-Flirting in front of not just an adult, but a parent.
    • And Thor thereafter happily indulging in that greatest of parental pleasures - embarrassing one's offspring.
      Thor: Rest assured that as far as I am concerned, whatever the two of you do in private is entirely your business, so long as it is safe and sensible... though as I say this, I realise that I may be asking too much. Instead, I will accept the two of you waiting until you are at least past 18 before making me a grandfather.
    • Harry's reaction ball-parks at mumbling variations on "oh god, dad, why?" and "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you so much."
  • Harry tells Carol that Uhtred was half-excited, half-fascinated, and half-confused upon seeing Curtana's inscription. Carol immediately points out that this is three halves and mathematically impossible. Harry's reply? "If you'd seen his reaction, you'd understand what I meant."
  • Harry and Carol's scene at the end of Chapter 36 is fairly serious, while also being adorable, to the point of being sweet enough to give you cavities. It also has a few funny moments:
    • Harry's complete bemusement at the fact that Carol has stolen a pair of his boxer shorts to wear in bed.
    • Carol grudgingly revealing, after Harry prods her a little, that he is not the only one who has had underwear stolen - her youngest brother, Joe junior was pretending to be a pirate one day and stole one of her bras to use as an eyepatch. Harry ventures that since Joe is about 9, and Carol is, ahem, very much the great-granddaughter of Peggy Carter in a number of respects, surely it would have been a bit... big? Carol grumbles that it was. Harry then spends the next couple of minutes trying very hard not to laugh, and ultimately fails miserably, and even Carol admits that it was Actually Pretty Funny.
    • When they're caught on the verge of an Almost Kiss, Harry's internal monologue notes dazedly that he can smell Carol's breath, even feel it on his lips, they're that close... then he wishes that he'd remembered to brush his teeth.
    • Additionally, the narration very dryly notes in a backhanded manner (twice) that Carol is a very pretty girl who isn't wearing that much, and is cuddled up to Harry, who for all his considerable maturity, is still a Hormone-Addled Teenager, and this rather stymies attempts to say something cool. Or for that matter, say anything at all.
      “And I can feel you grinning,” Harry said sourly, then paused as he noticed Carol’s arms snaking across his body, one behind, one in front. The rest of her was following suit. Normally, the fact that he had a very attractive girl, that he had Carol, pressed up against him would have rendered him non-verbal. The fact that she dressed in what he was acutely aware was a t-shirt and a pair of what he increasingly suspected were his boxer shorts and nothing else did not help.
      Harry could have replied with something dramatic, or smooth, or even both, like, ‘You lit my way out of the dark. Now, it’s my turn to do the same for you.’ Or he could have if Carol’s wriggling to get more comfortable hadn’t just fused his vocal cords.
  • Chapter 37 is largely light and funny, a lighter and softer chapter.
    • The entire first scene is Harry waking up, all snuggled up with Carol... then discovering that he has a case of Morning Wood. He then spends the rest of the scene trying to discreetly slip out of bed without waking her up and alerting her to the, ahem, situation.
    • Afterwards, Carol half-wakes up, mumbles something along the lines of "Fuck off noises," and tries to go back to sleep...before realizing just what situation she's in, and having an Oh, Crap! moment when she thinks that she and Harry must've gotten into, at least, heavy making-out. The resultant mental image translates across their psychic bond, leading to Harry slipping in the shower, yelping, and swearing fluently in several languages.
    • As he comes out of the shower, Carol tells him that she's watched The Princess Bride, and therefore understood the significance of his "as you wish" line. Proving that his Adorkable tendencies are strong as ever, Harry's response is to stammer a question as to whether she liked it.
  • McGonagall being just tired of Harry's Doom Magnet tendencies, and Dumbledore's more realistic perspective.
    McGonagall: "One term. One. Term. That's all I ask: for just one term to go by without Harry finding some new, spectacular, and undoubtedly horrifying way to risk his life and take years off mine."
    Dumbledore: "I would advise asking for something more practically attainable. Perhaps a month. Or maybe a fortnight."
    • McGonagall is also entirely unfazed by Strange's tendency to appear right behind one's left ear before announcing himself, instead rotating on the spot and delivering a Death Glare that would wither the life from small animals.
      "That trick does not work on me, Stephen. It has never worked, and you of all people should know that it will never work."
    • This scene between Albus and Minerva after Strange has cheerfully announced his return, then vanished to do... stuff.
      McGonagall: "Albus?"
      Dumbledore: "Yes, Minerva?"
      McGonagall: "Do you have a certain sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach?"
      Dumbledore: "Combined with a certain sense of resignation, yes. Why do you ask?"
      McGonagall: "I just wanted to be sure that it wasn't just me."
    • Strange deciding that Ron and Hermione need to catch up with Harry, so he promptly deposits them outside Carol's room, tells them entirely truthfully that Harry's in there (not that it's his room), but fails to mention that Harry and Carol are snuggling in very little clothing, in bed. Ron's response is to barge in, and then... it's just golden.
      "Hey, Harry, you'll never believe what – BLOODY HELL!"
    • Owing to Harry and Carol's unfortunate reflexes, means that Harry narrowly avoids smearing Ron across the opposite wall with an energy blast, one he instead manages to redirect so it blasts down rather than across, sending him flying straight up into the ceiling, before dropping face-first back down onto the bed. Carol, meanwhile, is half tangled up with him, so gets sent spinning across the room, before bouncing up and pulling a Neck Lift on Ron. Once she realises that Ron's harmless, thanks to Hermione, everyone turns to Harry, worried by how he's not moving.
      Hermione: Is he all right?
      Carol: He's fine.
      Hermione: He went flying into the ceiling.
      Ron: He's always fine, 'Mione. By the way, you're bloody strong.
      Hermione: Um, Harry? Are you all right?"
      Harry: *muffled* You know, I was hoping to get through a morning without bruises. More fool me, clearly.
      Carol: He's complaining, in full sentences. Trust me, he's fine.
    • Downstairs, the Avengers hear the noises, look up, and aren't especially bothered, recognising that they're not noises of real distress. Then Strange saunters into the dining room (where absolutely no one is surprised to see that he's alive), explains what the noises upstairs are in purposefully evasive words. Steve isn't caught off-guard this time. Not until his daughter gets to work, at least...
      Alison: "You're more comfortable with that idea than I thought you'd be, dad."
      Steve: "They're behaving sensibly, I'm sure. And I've had time to get used to the idea. I'm not exactly surprised, either. Carol's had a rough few days, and Harry's the only one she can't, and won't, try to hide it from. There's nothing sexual in it, necessarily – we used to bunk down together all the time in the army. We didn't have this new-fangled thing called 'central heating'."
      Alison: "'Bunking down', eh? That wasn't what mum called it.note  And besides, while they are behaving sensibly, I'm surprised you trust them to continue to do so, considering their track record of reckless decisions." She shrugged, paused for a moment for perfect timing, then added airily, "Especially considering that only their good judgement and about two thin layers of cotton stand between us and an unplanned pregnancy."
      Natasha: "Nicely done."
      Alison: "Thank you very much, Natasha."
    • Upstairs, when Ron observes that for all Harry's claims that his and Carol's Sleep Cute is just platonic, it's not the sort of thing he does with Ron and Hermione, actual Platonic Life-Partners. Harry, feeling mischievous, takes it and runs with it.
      Harry: "It isn't. Why, Ron? You feeling jealous of Carol, now? I'm sure she won't mind if you want to join us this evening."
      Ron: *goes pale* "I'll pass, thanks."
      Hermione: "Harry."
      Harry: "Ah, staking your own claim, Hermione? Entirely reasonable. Tell you what, I'll nip down to grab some breakfast and catch up with you two… later." He stood up and cheerfully clapped the two of them on the shoulder, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "I'll leave you to it. Don't worry, it'll be fine: I've got a spare set of bedsheets, there's a private bathroom, Darcy's made sure I'm well-stocked with birth-control just in case, and the rooms are soundproofed."
      Ron looked like someone had flicked his brain's off-switch in the middle of a nightmare, while Hermione, red as one of Wanda's coats, was giving Harry a look that, if looks could kill, would have reduced him to his component sub-atomic particles. Harry noticed this expression (he could hardly have failed to), but careless of his own safety as usual, simply chuckled.
      Harry: "And that expression, the one like you're planning to blast me into chunks and feed me to Crookshanks, is why I haven't made any jokes like that before."
      Hermione: "Make any more and I might actually do it."
    • There's also a bit of Black Comedy in regards to the betting on the Triwizard Tournament - it's not on who's going to win, everyone thinks it'll be a walkover for Harry. No, the betting's on exactly what he's going to do to the other champions. And then...
      Hermione: The Hufflepuffs aren't happy, either.
      Harry: Because they think I'm going to kill Cedric?
      Hermione: Because they think you stole his - their - glory.
  • After teasing from Carol about his Person of Mass Destruction tendencies, Harry complains that he can be stealthy.
    Carol: You can. Until you either get found or you lose your temper and everything explodes.
    • This becomes Hilarious in Hindsight during the Of Dungeons and Dragons arc, as this is pretty much exactly what happens when Harry confronts the barrow-wights.
    • Carol gives Ron some advice on how to get some training, since Harry seems dead set on keeping him out of the action. Of course, Ron is a Hormone-Addled Teenager.
      Ron: Thanks, Carol. I appreciate it.
      Carol: Yeah well, keep your eyes off my boobs and I'll call it even.
    • Tony whines about how his daughter, Ada, likes Harry - her godfather - better than him. Harry's mock innocent response?
      Harry: It's not my fault, Tony. I'm just prettier than you are.
  • Dumbledore tells Harry that he won't make the latter make a public apology to Professor Snape and Barty Crouch, on the grounds that Harry is smart enough to "convey a complete lack of remorse with the most contrite of words." Harry tries - and fails - not to look pleased.
  • Dumbledore pulls a Stealth Hi/Bye on Rita Skeeter in a way that has Harry guessing he learned the trick from Strange.
  • At the Weighing of the Wands, Cedric innocently states he's polished his wand, which has Harry and Krum snorting, and Fleur making noises of disgust about the immaturity of boys.
  • Upon Cedric noting that Harry is taking the lion's share of attention, Harry wryly notes that he's a Gryffindor, and so taking the lion's share is natural.
  • When the Champions are told by Bagman that the First Task will take them to a small island in the Great Lake, Harry promptly steals his thunder by quickly deducing that there's a series of secret tunnels under the island and the lake, probably filled with monsters and traps, which they'll have to traverse. When Bagman is startled by this, Harry comments that he's had experience with situations like this. Krum and Fleur look at Cedric for clarification, who sighs and nods. Harry then cites the Chamber of Secrets, noting the Basilisk and 'creepily obsessive Teenage Voldemort'. Krum and Fleur stare at Cedric again, and get another nod and sigh, as if to say, 'yes, really'. Harry then asks for clarification that the Task won't involve basilisks or copies of Voldemort, since he likes to keep his encounters with the latter to one a year, and his last was when he beat Voldemort up at the Quidditch World Cup three months before. Bagman is left flat-footed.
    • And then, when it's mentioned that this time, the Plot Coupon each has to get is a Ring of Power rather than a golden egg, Harry suspiciously asks exactly how magic they are, as he's already fought one demon-god for his soul earlier in the year (Chthon, in the finale of the first book, to be exact). Cedric's sigh is, this time, rather more long-suffering.
    • To be taken to the island, the Champions have to use a portkey, a wooden sphere, which is activated by inserting their wands into the holes in it. After explaining this, Bagman (probably remembering the above-mentioned incident at the Weighing) shoots a suspicious look at Harry, who is admirably maintaining his poker face.
  • Harry's first challenge in the Task? A water trap, consisting of a giant hammer of freezing-cold water. Which he seems to find considerably more annoying than he would a spike pit, illusion, or big, ugly monster.
    • The next scene has a still, dark, ancient pool in a dark cave far beneath the lake, undisturbed since time immemorial... which is very suddenly disturbed by Harry unleashing a lightning bolt underwater to fry some hungry mutant grindylows. Cue Harry stalking - or rather, squelching - out of the pool in a very bad mood.
      This bloody pit, this bloody task, this bloody tournament…
    • It's also kind of hilarious that he then refers to the Task and all the irritating things surrounding it as "Just another fucking day at the fucking office."
  • The completely blasé way Thor discusses how Harry's almost inevitably going to end up awakening some Ancient Evil, and Ron wishing that it would hurry up and attack because he's cold and bored.
  • Probably not intended as such but having the whiplash of Harry admiring the majesty of Hogwarts through his magical senses and then having Hogwarts herself happily wave back out him made this troper chuckle a bit.
  • The Snark-to-Snark Combat between Harry and Nathan, which only becomes funnier when it's remembered that this is technically Harry snarking at himself.
  • One version of Harry senses their [Harry and Nathan's] presence and takes the time to cheekily wink at them before they leave.
  • One of the possible futures Harry sees is himself in the shower, and he's about to ask Nathan about what possible relevance it could have, until he sees a future Carol entering. Who, naturally, is also naked, and it's very clear what they're about to start doing. Poor Harry is absolutely mortified. Nathan, meanwhile, finds it hilarious.
  • The next chapter has Harry referring to the Mirror enchantment as the 'Mist of Infinite Mirrors'. Fairly reasonable and dramatic. The alternatives, however, were apparently 'Cosmic Disco-ball of Doom' and 'Magical Mist of Me'.
    • He also lists the reasons why he can't just blast his way through various traps - it could risk hurting the other champions if it damaged the structure of the tunnels, it could threaten the Lake and the Merfolk, Giant Squid, and orca living in it, and it could bring everything down on his head. Oh, and 'they'd probably mark him down for it'. Which doesn't bother him, per se, but having to struggle out of the mud and explain why he'd accidentally drained the Lake would be embarrassing (which a couple of chapters later, is more or less exactly what happens).
    • His reaction when finally reaching the ring chamber and wondering aloud what he could be facing.
      Harry: So, what next? A horde of insects? Mud golems? A ticking crocodile?
    • And when a bunch of Undines - water spirits much like sirens - try to enchant him with subtle, low-level song? He complains at the unsubtle approach, saying that he's almost insulted, and then asks them to stop their humming, as he's beginning to find it irritating.
    • The Undines' immediate response is to be upset that he insulted their music. Harry quite reasonably points out that that music was intended to enchant and drown him, meaning that he has a great deal more reason to be upset than they do.
    • He also picks up his ring - a simple gold ring, and makes the inevitable Lord of the Rings jokes.
  • Harry showing that he's much more confident by strolling into the barrow-wight's cavern, interrupting their creepy song with the Ring verse from The Lord of the Rings, then light-heartedly considering other lines when he realises that it doesn't quite fit.
  • In chapter 43, the Casual Danger Dialogue Harry engages in with the Elder Wyrm, constantly winding it up more and more in an incredibly snarky, melodramatic, and irreverent manner.
  • Harry escapes the Elder Wyrm, with the Champions, and one of the undines, referencing the Tenth Doctor's dramatic speech in The End of Time (made just before he puts the ship he's flying into a near suicidal dive) just before he does so, culminating with the same two words:
    "Allons-y!"
  • Wisdom's hilariously dry line: "Disturbances in the Force and antics of the Sunglasses Supreme notwithstanding..."
    • The meaning of that latter part of the line — as the more mystically inclined are sensing the building power of Harry facing off with the Elder Wyrm underground, the other major sign that something's about to happen is Strange (who the heroes have taken to using as a kind of coal mine canary) very blatantly and casually putting on sunglasses.
  • Hermione gearing up to beg and plead with Ron not to throw his life away by attacking the Elder Wyrm, before he reveals that he wasn't planning on it, and he instead was planning to go and help out in Hogsmeade.
  • Strange having Tony start playing "Thunderstruck" right before Harry's attack on the dragon. That's funny on its own, but what really sells it is that Tony hacks the Valiant and makes it broadcast the music, sending an annoyed Wisdom into a cursing rant.
    • The note by the Lemony Narrator that Wisdom's swearing is providing alternate lyrics to any who would wish.
    • This also provides an amusing Call-Back to the end of Child of the Storm, when Wisdom commissioned Stark Industries to retrofit the Valiant and work on their new ones, he mentioned to Pepper that he was counting on Tony to put back-doors and stuff like that in just in case someone else took them over, as Zola did with the Dreadnought, and he actually thought it was a good idea - plus, if he ever wanted to pick a fight with Tony, he wouldn't use helicarriers. As one can imagine, he clearly wasn't anticipating that.
  • Wanda lampshading how Three Point Landings are terrible on the knees.
  • Harry preparing to dive dramatically after the tunneling Elder Wyrm... before his dad grabs his ankle and stops him.
  • Strange distributing assignments for the various heroes, setting Thor to deal with the ash and fumes pouring into the atmosphere from the newborn volcano, on the grounds that it's mystically enhanced, meaning that the acid rain would be considerably more dangerous than usual - something punctuated with the casual remark, "it’s always very awkward trying to explain to someone why their dog has just dissolved."
  • Strange also casually reveals that he popped back in time that morning to steal the Philosopher's Stone from Dumbledore's pocket back during the events of Philosopher's Stone, to the latter's annoyance.
  • Thor telling Harry (after that the latter points out that he's fought dragons - demon dragons - before, albeit with Carol's help) that the Battle of London (where that fight took place) wasn't a fight, it was a first date. Cue Harry's exasperated/embarrassed reaction, though he doesn't disagree, either.
  • As Strange informs Wanda that Hermione, Ron, and the Twins are in danger in Hogsmeade, and is about to carry on when he notices that she's immediately taken flight, followed swiftly by Tony and Bucky. Strange's reaction? Mostly just to shrug and say:
    "Well, I'm sure they'll figure it out."
  • Harry's continued mocking of the dragon. Some highlights including interrupting its Motive Rant by paraphrasing the Seventh Doctor's interruption of a similar speech from Davros (including the "unlimited rice pudding" line), and responding to its I Have Many Names declaration by deciding to call it "Dave".
  • As for Wisdom's drooling episode after Strange transmuted the volcano into a Vibranium/Mithril mine, judging by Wanda casually mentioning it to Harry, and how Strange tells him he's doing it again, it's not going to be something that he'll live down in a hurry.
    • It's mentioned again in chapter 46, relating to his cheerful mood, and how pretty much everyone (In-Universe and out) finds it disturbing - as Betsy notes, no one even knew that Wisdom did happy. Indeed, when he gets grumpy and dangerous again, T'Challa's actually relieved.
  • In chapter 46, Harry dramatically declares that he's making Snape's greatest fantasy come true - he's leaving. Or at least, he hopes it's Snape's greatest fantasy, because he doesn't really want to consider the alternative. This is after he's taken some... interesting courses of action to evade mistletoe and public romantic interest.
    • Using the Marauders Map to get to classes down secret corridors... except that Hogwarts has a sense of humour and sometimes pops him out in the middle of a crowd.
    • He also uses smoke bombs, and at one point, after Ron ill-advisedly says that if it was him, he'd be enjoying it, swaps their appearances and leaves Ron to deal with the fan-club, afterwards saying, "Be Careful What You Wish For".
    • Finally, when 'desperation overrode common sense', he disguises himself as a wooden trunk, so he can hide when the crowds come past (and no one would want to kiss a trunk, in any case). This comes to an end after 'the Unfortunate Flying Toad Incident', which involved Trevor - Neville's toad - making yet another escape attempt, and Neville's outcry causing Harry to turn around suddenly while Trevor was in flight, and an open window, which Trevor went sailing out of, having been hit by the trunk in mid-air.
    • Harry and Carol's conversations are both adorable and hilarious.
    • Steve being a Parental Substitute (or Grand-Parental Substitute, as the case may be) to Carol when she's upset, slightly awkwardly offering the only form of comfort he can really think of, in terms of sympathy and ice-cream, and then when Tony strolls in, makes a smart remark, and Carol sticks a Rocky Road ice-cream covered tongue out at him, Steve responds without missing a beat.
      Steve: Carol, if you're going to do that, at least rinse your mouth out first.
    • The following exchange is golden.
      Tony: Circumstances, schmircumstances. Admit it, Steve: we're finally dragging you off your pedestal, down to our level.
      Carol: *grabs Steve's shoulders from behind* Yesss... join ussss... resistance is futile...
      Steve: Miss, resistance is never futile. Or to put it another way... *blows loud raspberry*
    • When it comes to parcelling out bits of the dragon for use, and changing it into clothes, armour, and potions supplies, everything seems to be relatively normal... until it gets to the question of what Harry gave Carol. Which is a jacket... and a pair of boots and trousers. Which apparently fit very well. Going by Harry's blush, the implication is that she modelled them for him.
    • Carol observes that Harry and mayhem are 'like peanut butter and jelly. If one's around, the other isn't far behind, and if it isn't, something is very wrong with the universe'.
    • Harry turns out to, at the Twins' suggestion, have turned the mistletoe 'problem' on its head, by getting hold of a piece of mistletoe and holding it over likely or unlikely couples, including: Dumbledore and Snape (Dumbledore kissing the latter chastely on the brow, while Snape looks murderous), McGonagall and Bucky (who're Amicable Exes - Bucky kisses her hand), and Ron and Hermione (a very embarrassed cheek kiss by Hermione).
    • Harry's flower, a viscaria, which in Victorian Flower Language means 'will you dance with me?', is deeply adorkable, and Carol does not hesitate to remark on it. The funny part is that it's a little squashed, with Harry having suggested that he sat on it, and it finally gets squashed under an elbow in the midst of their Big Damn Kiss.
    • Cedric's deadpan commentary on the above mentioned event and the picture of it in the Daily Prophet, remarking that it was nice to see Harry looking genuinely happy for once... when he came up to breathe, anyway. Even Ron, who doesn't like Cedric much, finds it funny.
  • Both Harry and Carol are noted to be walking on air after their Big Damn Kiss. In Harry's case, it's Not Hyperbole.
    • Seamus, Neville, and Dean, noting how Harry's in a much better mood now, cheerfully the former half-jokingly speculating that Carol's like a Dementor and sucked out his bad temper when she kissed him.
  • Several among the Avengers and Hogwarts staff are shown cleaning up bets after Harry and Carol hook up, and Remus and Bruce are both noted to be faintly smug that their advice on betting against Thor in this matter - that is to say, not to do it, because Thor knows his son - (which Sirius and Tony respectively ignored) turned out to be correct.
  • When Wanda mentions that Tony gave Harry The Talk, Thomas promptly asks if that means that they'll be able to refer to Wanda as "grandma" in nine months time. Cue Dresden kicking him in response.
  • This incident is followed by a Long List of all of Harry and Carol's family and friends' reaction to The Big Damn Kiss, with most of their reactions a mix of enthusiasm and feeling that "it's about damn time." Jack O'Neill's reaction is to frown, think, and grudgingly grunt, "He'll do."
  • Strange joins the Weird Sisters at the Yule Ball, and Carol immediately wonders if that means that something disastrous is about to happen, and hopes that she'll have the opportunity to put on some pants. Harry's mind, given that he's a Hormone-Addled Teenager on the wrong side of a linguistic divide (pants generally refer to underwear in the UK), immediately goes somewhere dirty.
  • Carol meets Snape. During their first interaction, she sticks her tongue out at him; during the second, she suggests he's scaring making-out couples out of the castle garden so that he and Kakaroff can have it to themselves. Harry says that the latter pretty much guarantees her an honorary Gryffindor membership.
  • How does Carol get home from the Yule Ball? Turns out that Loki gave her enchanted brooch that she activates by clicking her heels three times and thinking of home. After explaining this to Harry, she also gives a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer.
  • At Harry's suggestion, Carol modifies her description of the Bifrost from "interdimensional taxi service" to "interdimensional taxi service run by Asgard's one man security service who, if necessary, can kick all of the ass." As he indicates, she's not wrong.
  • Upon meeting Harry, Carol's friends give him an If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her... speech. Harry, in an odd mood thanks to having received a number of speeches like this, and feeling like messing with someone, responds by projecting a psychic illusion of himself in fully wrath-of-god mode; Glowing Eyes of Doom, echoing voice, and all, and asks them if they're still willing to take him on. The answer is a definite yes.
    • Their baffled reactions when he immediately switches back to normal following their confirmation that they would are also pretty hilarious, with Harry happily explaining that he was just testing.
  • Monica messing with Carol, which involves noting that some parts of Harry definitely come from his father. Carol's mortified reactions are golden:
    Monica: He’ll do. And speaking of doing, let us know when you two end up getting down – I, for one, need vicarious smooching.
    Carol: Monica.
    Monica: What? He’s hot. And though he doesn’t look it, some parts of him definitely come from his dad.
    Carol: Monica, please.
    Carol: MONICA!
  • Carol and Harry start discuss the latter's similarity to Jesus, before Thor throws in a note of his own:
    Thor: To be fair, the parallels don't go that far.
    Carol: How do you mean?
  • Tony trying to force Bruce into a red jumper for Christmas—because "red and green are festive!"
  • He and Dresden, upon seeing Fury in a festive jumper himself, decide they should help upgrade his wardrobe by adding sparkles and a star to the eyepatch. Cue expressions of dread on both Fury and Coulson's faces.
  • On Christmas Eve, instead of just teleporting into Avengers Mansion, Strange decides to come down the chimney. Just for the heck of it.
  • Harry ruminates that Magneto prefers to operate on the teaching principle that in cases of uncertainty, students should find out what is and isn't possible on their own. He then compares this to the philosophy of Doctor Strange, which seems to be, "ignore reality and it will ignore you."
    • Considering Strange, it's entirely possible that he'd get away with it, on the grounds that reality has enough to deal with.
  • Upon discussing Harry's many death-defying feats with Odin, Thor complains that while he's proud enough to burst of Harry's achievements, he's also very not happy about what he's gone through. Odin wryly points out that now he knows how Frigga and himself felt when Thor and Loki were that age - as Thor notes, Frigga told him that before, and he's still not happy about it.
    • Later in the conversation, Odin pointedly brings up the subject of betrothals, including Thor's possible own, to Jane. Thor's immediate response is that Odin's been talking to Frigga about it. Odin's blithe, deadpan response?
      Of course. Communication is at the core of a happy marriage.
  • When Harry thinks that Frigga is about to give him The Talk, he quickly says that it's not necessary, as he's gotten it already from several other people and is unlikely to forget it. He then turns pink and notes that in the case of what Tony told him, he wishes he could forget it.
    • Apparently, Jane made an unusually firm point of keeping Darcy and Sirius from giving Harry their version of the Talk, knowing that that was going to be a bad idea.
  • Harry is dumbfounded to find out that Odin was the original Santa Claus - and the current one is his illegitimate half-uncle Vidar.
  • Harry's Vision Quest with the Norns - which he is generally displeased about as he feels it's a waste of time, considering how many visions he's seen of the Future (it does end up being useful, in part because the Norns see the Present and the Past too) - is preceded by him stepping through an arch, before pausing, looking down, and letting out a long suffering sigh. Why? He's naked. He does get a robe, however.
    "Carol is never going to let me hear the end of this."
  • When Harry snarks at the Norns, they turn out to be no slouches, and even more deadpan than he is - for starters, they're entirely aware that he sees the visit as a waste of time and don't hesitate to snark at him about it. Regarding the aforementioned nakedness, when he asks if it's truly necessary, he's told that it is, for mystical reasons, and that he's lucky to get a robe these days. But if he doesn't want one, then by all means, he can go without. And so can they.
  • The note that while Harry and Carol are very mature for their ages, they're also Hormone Addled Teenagers, and as such, the Avengers and co keep a very close eye and ear on them to make sure they're not up to something. The narration then goes into discussing how this pans out, such as noting that when it's stipulated they have to keep the door open, they do. Just a crack.
    • It's also noted that, given both their natures as The Gadfly, they would be willing to pretend to sneak off just to mess with the Avengers.
  • Doctor Strange casually tells the Asgardian Royal Family he's off to go do some stuff: tying up a few loose ends, resolving a few matters left outstanding, erasing a species... that sort of thing. And when Loki assumes he's joking...
  • When Carol asks Harry about his Yule, he tells her, deadpan, that he went on a Vision Quest and Surtur tried to fry his brain from the future. Her only response is a Flat "What".
    • Then, once he elaborates, she considers it for a moment, then says, "So, about par for the course for you, then?" As Harry admits, it pretty much is.
    • And when he mentions that he also learned about the existence of his long-dead half-sister (who is now a Valkyrie) and his half-uncle (who is Santa Claus), we get this:
    Harry: Believe me, I'm right there with you.
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